


REMEDY

by sweetwines



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: CA:TWS to Avengers Endgame, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Original Character(s), Original Character(s), POC Original Characters, POV Third Person Limited, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Superpowered oc, ongoing work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-16 05:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 172,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21502828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetwines/pseuds/sweetwines
Summary: Doctor Isadora Michelle Moore spent most of her life training to save others. And for a long time she was failing. Until one day, she discovered something deep inside of her- powers that once unlocked, would allow her to heal injury without limitation.Four years later, and Isadora has managed to bag herself the case study of her career: the case of Captain America. But as her relationship with Steve Rogers develops, Isadora finds herself in progressively complicated situations. The powers she suppresses must be embraced as she chooses to sink, or swim.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	1. How To Treat A Dead Man

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be like, a long ass fic- lots of words and counting. It's going to span over CA:TWS all the way to Endgame and also cover domestic periods in between movies. If that's your thing, stick around. It's majorly a WIP, and I've never posted on here before so we'll see how it goes. That said, posts should be pretty consistent since I have a lot of the story written, I'm aiming for weekly posts. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**september 3rd 2010: afghanistan**

Following the dry season came violent rain, and amidst the fighting, there were men, women and children dying.

Only thick mud remained where dry sands had been several hours earlier, but Doctor Isadora-Michelle Moore strode through it, eager to meet those who needed her help. Her skin was hot and clammy beneath her doctor's uniform- even the deep brown complexion she had inherited from her parents had not protected her from the harsh heat and debris of Afghanistan. And despite the tight braids that she worked on each night, Isadora's coil-like curls frizzed with the heat and humidity of the place.

Isadora's eyes met with a teenage boy across the street, who evidently noticed her doctor's uniform, and ushered her over. He stood in the doorway to what was left of his home, desperation in his eyes as he shouted for her to come quick. Isadora made her way over, her partner Dr Adrianne Valentina swiftly behind her. The rain continued to pour as they ducked through the doorway, and the boy showed them over to where another child lay- this one was much smaller, a girl, no older than ten. Isadora had never seen a wound so horrifically infected. It stretched across the child's abdomen, exposing part of her large intestine, cloudy discharge all around it.

"Please... help." The boy whispered, his voice timid.

"We're going to do all that we can," she assured him in broken Arabic, as Dr Valentina handed her gloves out of their large bag of medicine supplies. "What is her name?"

"Layla."

"Okay, Layla?" She called clearly. "My name is Doctor Moore, I am going to treat your cut, okay? You're a very brave girl, you're doing great." I

Isadora pulled the gloves on, and began her examination. The wound was old, at least two days old, so there was no excessive bleeding to worry about- she pressed gently on the surrounding area but the girl instantly cried out in pain, and Isadora pulled her hands away, turning to her partner.

"The surrounding area is swollen, red and hot to the touch," she told her colleague, in English now. "No movement in the area, exposed organs. How are her vitals?"

"Not good," Dr Valentina sighed, removing her stethoscope from her ears. "Her pulse rate is far too high- one hundred and thirty beats per minute and she has an elevated temperature. Her breathing rate is accelerated too."

Isadora turned back to the patient, feeling her hands and feet. Ice cold. "Well, the wound is definitely septic, this seems to be a surgical case, so what's our approach, Adrianne?"

"We should get it clean and closed as quickly as possible," Valentina said, checking the bag once more. "But we're out of nearly all of our supplies, and I have no instruments for this procedure. I'm going to contact base, see if they can send a van out."

With that, Dr Valentina ducked out of the room, communicator in hand, leaving Isadora alone to monitor the patient. Five minutes passed before Layla began to convulse- the portable heart monitor Isadora had attached beeped erratically- cardiac arrest. Isadora lunged into action, immediately performing child CPR, as calmly and purposefully as she could. A billion thoughts crossed her mind as Dr Valentina burst back into a room, placing a portable oxygen mask over the child's face.

"Where's that van?" Isadora panted, urgently.

"The ETA is fifteen minutes," Dr Valentina told her, voice laced with annoyance.

"She may not last that long!" Isadora said, and in tragic irony, the heart monitor prompted her: _primary pulse lost. Stop CPR._ "No!" She said, continuing chest compressions, regardless of the message. "No!"

The teen boy who had led them there was sat back on his heels, watching, as if he had watched a billion deaths before. Isadora continued and continued until she was pulled away, unable to fathom the loss of a life so young, from a preventable wound. They all sat in silence, and Valentina closed Layla's brown eyes, the sound of rain louder than ever.

"It's okay," the boy said suddenly. "You tried your best. Tomorrow, I will dig her a grave beside our mother. They will both rest in peace."

Isadora's heart shattered in two. She had spent so long studying, for this? Eight years in university, three in residency, for what? She couldn't save even an innocent child. She thought back to a show the boys were watching at base, where the protagonist had the ability to heal anything, using glowing hands and movie magic. At the time, she had scoffed. Now she wished it was real.

"Sadie," Valentina's voice was faint, soft, out of focus. Then it became clearer. "Sadie, your hands."

Isadora looked down. And her hands were glowing.

~

**2011: SHIELD headquarters**

Isadora-Michelle didn't appreciate the threats.

And she certainly didn't appreciate being pulled out of her real job- she was just lucky the residents at New York Presbyterian were competent enough to manage on their own. The sleek black car she had been picked up in pulled up outside the large building which was SHIELD, and the car door was opened by a familiar face.

"Dr Moore," the man said, his voice all business.

"Director Fury," she answered, climbing out of the car and straightening out her white lab coat. "I would've appreciated if your goons had given me time to at least change out of my scrubs before flying me all the way out to Washington."

"Well, this is urgent, and we need your skills as a doctor. So the scrubs will come in handy," Fury said as they walked into the building. He waved off a timid assistant who approached with a stack of files. "I don't need to remind you of our agreement, do I?"

"I slave away for no pay whenever you need me to, and in turn you do the decent thing, and prevent me from losing my job," Isadora smiled sarcastically as they entered the lift, although it was true. Without SHIELD's protection, she would have lost her job if anyone found out about her powers.

Mimicry, they'd called it. Whatever skill she needs- strength, speed, healing- she can hone, by mimicking what she has seen, real or fictional. But most powers took a lot of effort and mental strain, so Sadie stuck to occasional use of her healing skills to ease the pain of terminal patients. She'd learned that any more than that wasn't worth it, brought more trouble than benefits.

"If it could be any different, it would be," Fury said, and the elevator began its descent down, down, down. "And you're no slave."

"So are you going to brief me?" Isadora asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Your patient has been on ice for sixty six years-"

"Then my patient is dead."

"Would I call you here for a dead man?" Fury asked as the lift doors opened.

He lead her down a corridor and into a large room, where many agents stood, all doing different jobs, some just staring at whatever this spectacle was. And there, in the centre of the room, was a lump of ice, with a man in it. Isadora scanned the monitors and couldn't believe her eyes. Steady heart rate, steady core temperature despite the ice-

"So, Dr Moore," Fury piped up again. "What's our next move?"


	2. Isadora-Michelle Moore

**2012: new york city**

**"** **T** hey pull me in for the craziest crap," Isadora grumbled, shovelling the last few bites of bagel down her throat as two SHIELD agents waited rather impatiently by the door to her office.

"Sadie," Dr Valentina laughed from where she lounged on the couch. "Only you would complain about being called to treat a billionaire."

Isadora and Adrianne had gotten into the habit of eating breakfast together before shifts, as it was the only time they were uninterrupted. With Adrianne as Chief of Surgery, and Isadora as Chief of Medicine, they never had a spare moment otherwise. But today, that had been disturbed.

Isadora sighed, pinning back her short black curls. "No chance I can persuade you to come with me?"

"To a tower full of superheroes? After I nearly died yesterday? No thanks," Adrianne scoffed. "I have a surgical department to run. _Plus_ you're the one with the weird glowing hands."

"They don't always glow," she sighed, grabbing her coat and following the SHIELD agents out of the door. Sadie hadn't used her powers properly for years- she'd decided to build her career based on hard work and merit, not any advantages that weren't earned.

Before she knew it, she was at Avengers tower. Most of New York's centre was a mess after the alien invasion, rubble lining the streets from the fights that had ensued that week. When Tony Stark had flown into a literal wormhole- it was all over the news. And now Isadora had to deal with fixing him.

The agents led her to a room on the upper most floor, and remained silent. She assumed she would have to let herself in. But when she did, it was not Tony Stark that she found. Isadora glanced back at the agents in the corridor, they didn't seem interested in checking the room. So she closed the door behind her, set down her briefcase and pulled out her stethoscope as normal. 

"You're not Mr Stark," she stated, walking over to the man sat waiting in the chair. Steve Rogers. He looked well compared to when she had last saw him, which isn't surprising since she last saw him waking from a sixty six year old sleep.

"He told me this was my appointment," Steve said, with a frown. "Mr Philanthropist isn't so generous with his time."

"I won't take it personally," she laughed. "Doctor Isadora-Michelle Moore, I guess we'll take this opportunity to check on you, then."

"Oh, Steve Rogers, but I'm fine-" he started, even though she had already pulled out her pen light, ready to take a look at his pupil response. She immediately pulled away.

"Are you sure? I could just do a routine check up, make sure you're done defrosting," Isadora said, smirking slightly. "You know I treated you when you were in the ice. I've always been curious to know how you've been getting on, Captain."

"Well, everything is a shock, that's for sure," Steve said. "It's just like I had a long nap. I'm still not so used to this body- at least, not for your day to day stuff."

Isadora knew that it was showing in her face, but she felt such a deep interest in his words- in the fact that despite all the work Rogers did for their country, he still was not used to his post-serum self. How long exactly would it take one to adjust to such a transformation? Would the body accept it all as a new norm, given time? The only way to know would be for someone to study it.

"Wouldn't it be good if we could switch in and out of them?" she said, trying not to focus on her hands too much in case they glowed.

"It'd be great."

"You ever get an MRI Scan?" Isadora asked curiously, walking over to the screen in the room, and putting in her passcode to access the medical files. "I'm wondering about your brain function after that long of a coma."

"They did all sorts of tests, ma'am, but I couldn't name any of them. My brain is fine, though," Steve said, and although there wasn't any humour in his voice, Isadora smiled anyway.

"I think it's safe to say you keep yourself fit and healthy," she said, grabbing more supplies out of her bag. "But I'm going to run through and check your throat, weight, blood pressure, hearing and vision too. Say 'ah'."

Isadora ran through the typical routine in near silence, apart from the odd question here and there to help her better understand Steve's health. He was a very good patient, and as she took his blood she could tell he had in fact, been poked and prodded plenty in his life.

"How'd a lady like you get involved in SHIELD?" Steve asked out of nowhere, once she'd finished her exam, and she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "They must pull you in on some pretty serious cases."

"Well, the stuff that goes on here is pretty miraculous," Isadora said, proudly, not wanting to reveal too much about her circumstances with SHIELD. "But I don't work for them. They just use me because I'm the best."

"You sure are confident," Steve laughed. "It's a shame you missed Stark, you both would've got on well."

She pulled two cards out of her pocket, handing them to Steve with a smile. "One for you, one for Mr Stark. Tell him to _call me_ ASAP- that kinda trip and that kinda fall cannot be good for him, and we don't know what kind of radiation might have been up there-"

"I'll talk to him Dr Moore," Steve sighed. "But I can't promise anything. We don't exactly have the most compatible personalities."

"You wouldn't be able to tell it from the news."

"Well, the press says one thing..."

"I'll take your word for it," she mused. "It's amazing how well you've recovered, Captain, and if you're up for it, I think it would do some good to centre some research around you," Isadora proposed. "It'd be completely anonymous, but I want to see if there's anything besides the serum that kept you functioning so well- then maybe we could use that principle for other patients. It wouldn't take too much time, just a quick visit every couple months-"

"If it's going to help people Doc, I'm happy to take part," Steve nodded, and she was grateful for his help. "And no need for anonymity, it wouldn't be hard to guess it was me, anyhow."

"Amazing," Isadora grinned. "I'll send the paperwork over to you, and in the meantime, if you or your little team need anything you can find me at New York Presbyterian most days."

"I most certainly will ma'am," he smiled. "You've been a great help."

"Not that you needed it anyway, you're in excellent health, so keep it up," Isadora told him, before adding: "And none of this 'ma'am' business, no need for formalities, they make me feel old. Feel free to call me Isadora. Or Sadie. Or Isadora-Michelle- that's my Christian name but nobody really calls me that- it's just a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?"

"Isadora-Michelle," Steve repeated, cutting off her rambling and testing the name on his tongue. He smiled again, holding her gaze. "It's a beautiful name. I think your parents had good taste. But I'll stick to Isadora, if that's what you want."

Isadora felt heat rise to her cheeks and in that moment, she had never been more grateful for the melanin in her skin tone that would mask the blush. She understood why the man had hordes of adoring fans even after being away so long, especially with charm like that. And the worst thing about it, was that it all seemed to be unintentional.

"Thank you, Captain," she said, snapping back into professionalism. "I'll see you in three months."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! if anyone's even here reading, thank you so much. this story is completely out of my comfort zone, as I've only ever written HP fanfics or my own original stories, so I'm really looking forward to the challenge of taking on the MCU!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter- I LIVE for feedback so if you have any feedback for this chapter then please let me know.
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Amber.


	3. The Hippocratic Oath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I know that Steve doesn't get injured all that easily but we're going to just engage suspension of disbelief for a while so this inciting incident can take place pls n thx :)

**2014: new york city**

**T** he atmosphere on the conference call was tense as Isadora sat, listening to the man in the grey suit explain the events of the last week. Captain America had gone awol, and SHIELD wanted her to hand over the research she had put together for the past two years, as it may give them information which will lead to his capture.

"I'm afraid I can't share those files with you, sir," Isadora said finally, once Alexander Pierce had finished his lecture. "Rogers is my patient, and the research is classified. It does not belong to SHIELD, it belongs to New York Presbyterian, and by extension, the federal department of Health and Human Services. The research isn't mine to give."

"SHIELD will protect you from any possible legal implications-" Pierce continued, but she interrupted.

"That's besides the point," Isadora argued. "I conducted those tests under patient confidentiality, I swore an oath when I became a doctor and I will not break it."

She would also not break the trust of her patient. She had gotten to know Steve Rogers relatively well over the past few years, despite their infrequent meetings, and she didn't for one second believe that a patriot like him was capable of becoming a fugitive.

"Miss Moore-"

" _Doctor_ Moore."

"Miss Moore, I'm on your side. I really am," Pierce said, but his sincerity felt inauthentic. "But you're backing me into a corner here. Miss Moore, if you fail to hand over the research within three working days, you will no longer _be_ a doctor."

Isadora tilted her head, staring straight into the webcam. "We had a deal. SHIELD can't expose my... situation, for as long as I treat your agents."

"You had a deal with Director Fury, who is known to be dead. Now you have a new one, with me. So you do whatever we ask, whenever we ask. You give us that case study. All of it. And you get to keep your job."

Before she had a chance to argue, the call ended, leaving Sadie sat alone in her apartment, her laptop open in front of her. She looked down at her hands, clenching and relaxing her fists as they glowed. This? This was what she could lose her job for? A problem that she didn't ask for?

She couldn't stand these powers, and regardless of the number of SHIELD agents that had told her of her 'untapped potential', she had never once tried to make her power into something different. She never made herself strong, or telepathic, or able to see the future. Now though, she wondered whether, if she had perhaps mimicked _those_ skills, she wouldn't be in this mess.

She didn't remember herself grabbing her phone and dialling Steve's number, but suddenly she was hearing his voice on a recording, telling her to leave a message.

"Steve, it's Sadie," she started with a sigh. "I've just got off the phone with SHIELD, they've got some pretty wild accusations about you, and I don't know what to believe. Please call me back as soon as you're able," she hesitated before adding. "I just wanna help you get to the bottom of this. So call me back."

Isadora knew, of course, that if it was true that he was running, he wouldn't be making any calls. But it was worth a try. She just hoped he wasn't alone.

~

"Okay, cut that," Adrianne said, as they bent over the computer screen. "And that. Ooh, that's really interesting! But cut it. Then I think we're done!"

Isadora cringed as she edited the research file, cutting out the most interesting findings, and leaving only the most... inconsequential information. They'd been sat in her office for the entirety of their lunch break now, and still hadn't eaten.

"That was the most horrifying thing I've ever had to do," she said, watching Adrianne read over her hard work and decide what goes with such brutality, because she certainly couldn't do it. Isadora had poured blood, sweat and tears into this case study, and all of a sudden she had to get rid of it all.

"It's alright. It's only temporary," Adrianne said, rubbing her back. Isadora's office felt like a prison. "Once you finesse these guys, all you have to do is wait 'til it all blows over."

"And if it doesn't?" Isadora sighed. "I have no way of getting hold of Steve to try and sort this, and the publishing date is in two weeks!"

"Then postpone it," Adrianne said, before clearing her throat _"Due to the unexpected unavailability of the subject of this case study, final tests are unable to be completed: thus, the project is postponed for the foreseeable future._ And if it doesn't blow over, you tell SHIELD you made improvements to the study, and you publish it anyway."

"I can't do that," Isadora said. "If Steve remains a fugitive, any of this could be used against him. It could endanger the wellbeing of my patient."

"If _Captain freaking America_ remains a fugitive then you can rest assured knowing he can handle himself," Adrianne stated. "You could change modern medicine, Sadie! After this is done, he does not need you pulling any more strings for him. You deserve this."

"I don't know," Isadora concluded, despite having her mind made up. If worst comes to worse, she would find another way to help people with her findings that wouldn't break anyone's trust. "Let's just get this done."

As if on cue, Isadora's phone began to vibrate in her pocket as Adrianne's pager beeped, and her friend stood.

"Multi-car pile up," the surgeon said, simply. "If that call is anything interesting, tell me later."

Then her friend took off out of the office, running in the direction of the ER. Isadora glanced at her phone. It was an unknown number, in New Jersey. She picked up hesitantly.

"Hello, Doctor Isadora Moore speaking," she spoke, opening a new email and attaching the edited research to it.

"I hope you're alone," the voice was a woman's voice that she did not recognise, quiet and husky. "Natasha Romanoff. Listen, this phone call can't last long, we shouldn't be calling anyone. But you're a doctor right?"

Isadora's heart leapt as she realised who she was talking to. In the aftermath of the Battle of New York, it was hard not to know. "Is Captain Rogers with you?"

"No, he's resting- he's hurt," Natasha sighed. "A building kinda fell on us, and he took the force of the blow. I'm pretty sure he's bleeding internally."

"You need to get some fluids in him," Isadora said. "Where is the bleeding located?"

"Back and abdomen. He said you could help of it doesn't clear up on its own," Natasha's tone wasn't asking. "It hasn't."

Isadora quickly hit send on the email containing the edited study, and began searching up train times. "I can be at Newark Penn Station in less than two hours. Are you near by?"

"I can get there," Natasha replied, simply.

"Is there anyone else who can keep an eye on him?" Isadora said, firmly. "Cause I can get to _you._ Just tell me where you are."

"I can't do that," she stated, matter-of-factly. "I can get there. Just make sure nobody tails you. Get on the train at the very last minute- if you see the same person twice it's an accident, but three times- you gotta make some quick turns to shake them off."

"I'm a city girl, Romanoff," Isadora replied, calmly. "I know the drill."

"Right," Natasha concludes. "This is a burner phone, so don't save the number, you might not always be able to reach us."

~

Two hours later, and Natasha had found her. They walked a long while, walking in circles and avoiding main roads. The agent had explained that they're more likely to be able to 'take down' a tail in a more private setting, so they stuck to side streets and alleyways.

The coast was clear though, it seemed, as she led her to a particular alleyway where a car was parked. He must have seen them approaching in the mirror, because the car door opened, and Steve pulled himself out to greet them, evidently with some real difficulty.

Isadora approached him and hid her relief to see him by speaking in a casual tone. "You missed your appointment last week."

"Yeah, my apologies," he attempted a chuckle, but he strained. "Look, I didn't wanna get you all the way down here-"

"He could barely move for half a day," Natasha piped up from behind her, as Isadora crouched to open her medical bag, pulling on some gloves. "Couldn't even get a damn shirt on."

"I'm going to need to see the damage," she said, apologetically. "Sorry, I know it's cold."

Steve attempted a shrug, before unzipping his hoodie, Natasha helping him pull it off both his arms. The damage was evident as Isadora examined him. His back was discoloured with red and purple bruising, his abdomen the same.

"Okay, Steve, tell me where it hurts," she said, before pressing around the bruising on his back. He winced and tensed but didn't seem eager to complain. Isadora's skills of inference were strong enough. She turned to the woman standing behind her. "Has he been taking in those fluids?"

"A couple water bottles but that's about all we had," Natasha answered.

"That's not gonna cut it," Isadora told her. "Is there a store around here where we can get some more? We need several big bottles for the next few days."

She didn't need to say much else before Natasha turned and walked in the direction they'd come from, pulling up her hood once more.

"You're awfully quiet," Isadora said, holding out the hoodie for Steve to slip into. "Want to explain what's going on?"

Steve simply looked towards the direction Natasha had gone, before looking back at her, and opening the door to the backseat. "Let's get in the car."

"So?" Isadora asked once he managed to close his door. Then she listened in silence about how Nick Fury had been gunned down in his apartment, SHIELD was compromised and how a supercomputer with a man's brain in it had caused a missile to come raining down on them.

"So, I've got to keep going," Steve concluded. "I gotta get to the bottom of this before even more people get hurt."

"You can't, not in the state you're in," Isadora sighed, before holding his gaze pleadingly. "Listen, Steve, I wanna help you. Come back with me to New York, you can crash at my place, and we can get a you a CT scan at the hospital. Just to make sure this bleeding isn't too bad-"

"No, I can't," he interrupted, quietly, but she ignored him.

"I have a lot of influence there, I can make sure nobody sees you," Isadora continued.

"Even getting you out here was a massive risk," Steve said, looking away and out the window at the unimpressive view. "I'm not going to put you in any worse of a situation than you're already in. You're not deep in this, Isadora, I won't drag you any further."

"That's where you're wrong. I am pretty deep in this," Isadora started, before explaining the situation she was put in by SHIELD, and how she had to mask the findings of the case study. "SHIELD have got... leverage against me, I don't know if the decoy research will fool them, so I was planning on laying low. But first we need to get you treated!"

"What leverage?" Steve asked, before coughing into a tissue. He tried to hide it, but Isadora saw the blood.

That's when she decided. This man wasn't going to get treatment, so she would have to do it herself. Isadora felt the heat in her palms as they began to glow.

"The leverage," she sighed, as he looked at her hands in awe. "Is this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was actually pretty challenging, I had to do a lot of research into blunt traumas and how American trains work (which btw is the most confusing thing ever) and I ended up using maybe 2% of that info. I honestly think this story has taken the most work than any of my others at this point which is mad, but enjoyable! 
> 
> hopefully over the next few chapters I'll be able to show Steve and Sadie's relationship develop a bit more- if you hadn't already guessed, she's a pretty reserved character, but don't you guys worry, you'll get to know her bit by bit!
> 
> as usual, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> -Amber.


	4. Movement Is The Key

**S** teve couldn't believe how quickly Isadora healed him. It was quicker even than his own enhanced healing. Honestly, he would rather the dark haired doctor not be here at all, and leave him to heal on his own, however long it took- but once Natasha had heard the voicemail on his phone, there was no changing her mind.

So now, here they were.

The heat of Isadora's power enveloped the damage to his body like hot water, easing and soothing the pain as she worked. It felt like bleeding in reverse, like his body being stitched back together.

He caught Natasha's eye from where she sat in the driver's seat as he lay there, and she smirked at him through the mirror, raising an eyebrow as if to say: _what about this one?_ She'd been bugging him for weeks about finding a date, and while it was all in good spirit, he was starting to get tired of it.

"So if you can heal people," Natasha started. "Why didn't you just use those powers at work? Why did you hide them?"

"Because I'm the anomaly," Isadora replied, still not breaking concentration. Steve stared out of the window, his seat reclined as trees whizzed past. "I've not been tried and tested. And I've certainly not been clinically approved. I wanted to be a doctor, not a superhero. No offence."

"None taken," Steve chuckled. It didn't hurt to laugh anymore. Then he felt a pat on his stomach as Isadora finally sat back, telling him she was finished. He sat up, marvelling at how easy the manoeuvre was. Just half an hour ago it hurt move, and now...

This woman had been his doctor for two years, conducting test after test, pushing his body to its limits, and he had never suspected a thing. It made him feel quite unintelligent.

"Thank you," he said, before realising Isadora's head rested against the window now, her eyes closed as she breathed deeply.

"Well, she's out," Natasha said, turning up the radio slightly, but not loud enough to wake their sleeping guest, and tapped her hand against the steering wheel.

"Turn that off," he said, and she rolled her eyes. The song that played was his least favourite kind- all computer sound effects and distorted vocals. There were plenty of things he missed about his own time, and music with real instruments was one of them.

"Alright, grandpa," Natasha teased. "So what do we do now? Are we keeping your little friend?"

"SHIELD knew I was withholding information from them just from my speech," Steve reasoned. "I'm pretty certain they'll realise she's doctored those papers, and then go after her as well. She's safer with us."

"But are we safer with her?" Natasha asked him. "How do we know she can be trusted?"

"You're the one who brought her here."

"Yeah but we could just dump her back at the station," the agent beside him smirked, and he shook his head at her frank sense of humour, but couldn't stop his smile.

"She's risked her entire career for this," Steve explained. "I know her. She never worked for SHIELD, she was just their Rent-A-Doc. But she's good, and if I'm wrong, we'll handle it."

"Good, huh?" Natasha repeated. "Well, I hope you're right."

The rest of the journey to Washington continued quietly, and by the time they arrived both he and Natasha were drained, but at least now they wouldn't have to sleep in the car.

Reaching Sam Wilson's place was a breath of fresh air for Steve. To be able to sit, and eat and not worry about being followed was refreshing. They arrived early in the day, and spent a long while formulating a plan going forward.

Now, several hours had passed and Steve was alone with his thoughts. Well, almost alone.

Sam had gone out for groceries, but Isadora sat on the couch beside him, still in her dark blue scrubs, knees tucked up to her chest and her laptop open in front of her. Natasha had fiddled with the settings earlier before going to have a nap, allowing the doctor to send emails without disclosing their location. It seemed that when Doctor Moore had access to a job to do, she wouldn't rest until it was finished.

The news played in the background, a light hearted segment about agriculture. It seemed trivial. He turned to glance at the doctor beside him, who still hadn't taken her eyes off of the screen, typing at an alarming rate. She slept for the whole journey here, explaining once she woke that the sleep was a burnout from not having used her power for so long. Steve wondered how her brain didn't suffer burnout as well as her body, considering how hard she worked.

"Do you ever relax?" He blurted, and she paused to look at him. Her curls were pulled into a high and voluminous bun, and she huffed to blow away a stray hair that fell in her eyes. "You've been at it forever. You deserve a break."

Isadora glanced up at the clock, as if she hadn't realised that it was almost dark. She shrugged. "I worked longer in med school. And I've gotta fill in my Chief Resident on all the stuff that needs to be done. The Presbyterian is a hell of a big hospital, with a hell of a lot of patients."

"What did you tell them?" He asked her, curiously.

"That I had a family emergency that required me to leave the city."

"What did you tell your family?"

Isadora simply didn't answer, changing the subject and smiling widely. "Well, I've got Adrianne but she works at the hospital as well. She's my homegirl, we went to med school together, and we went abroad too- you heard of Doctors Without Borders? We were medics in Afghanistan and she always had my back. Even when I got this... power."

Steve noticed the avoidance of the topic of family, but didn't push for it. "It's really surprising that you don't utilise it. This mimicry business, you could do literally anything you wanted to do."

"Not anything," Isadora corrected. "I couldn't be super-soldier like you. Maybe I could mimic some of that strength, but the mimicry is always a paler version of the original skill. Plus I have no idea how to fight anyway, so how would I use it?"

Steve pondered what she said, wondering about their mission tomorrow. The plan had been to leave Sadie here as they pursued Jasper Sitwell, one of HYDRA's own moles. But he supposed it wouldn't hurt for her to learn a little, if it meant she would be safer when left alone.

"I could teach you," he found himself standing, and offering her his hand. She looked at him, calculating. "It's about time you took a rest from that screen. They're not good for your eyes, you know."

"That's why I've got these," Isadora laughed, tapping on her elegant horn rimmed glasses. "But seriously, here? It's not really practical."

"Then, let's take a drive," Steve shrugged. He was really pushing his luck here, but it was for her own good. "I'm sure there's a field or something around here somewhere. We can leave a note."

She rolled her eyes, but took his hand anyway. He pulled her up, and she thanked him, brushing off her scrubs. "I need a change of clothes."

~

Either Isadora was a quick learner, or Steve was an excellent teacher. He assumed it was more of the former than the latter.

It was all pretty basic stuff, what she should do if she was held at gunpoint, if an assailant attacks from behind, or in a situation where there is more than one attacker. Steve taught her five main moves for self defence, and she practised them over and over again, each time becoming more and more determined.

Now, he would switch it up. See if she could perform all five manoeuvres in a sequence. He noticed that Sadie kept her alert high as he stalked around her, taking steps to make sure he was always in front of her. Her eyes flitted between the gun he held pointed at her (empty, of course) and his body movements.

"What did we say about eye contact?" Steve reminded her, and recognition ran across her face before she looked into his eyes, holding his gaze.

"Confidence delays conflict," she recited. "Try to reason with the assailant if I can."

"And if somebody gets in your face with the gun?" he asked her, stepping even closer into her personal space. He would never hurt her, but he also wouldn't sugarcoat the scenarios she might encounter.

In a flash, Isadora disarmed him, whacking the inside of his elbow with force, causing his arm to buckle as she pushed his aim away from her, before snatching away the gun. Not quite strong but... fast enough. She smiled widely. "Catch them by surprise. That easy, huh?"

"That easy," Steve smiled, before darting behind her and wrapping his arm around her neck in a headlock, firmly, but not tight enough to harm her. "How long you got before you're unconscious?"

"6 seconds," Isadora answered, and he nodded. This seemed to be the part that came most naturally to her- remembering all of the things that are going on in the body during a fight, and how to utilise that.

Then, she dropped her weight, ducking under his arm, and twisting round his unguarded side, before grabbing his head and pushing it down, immobilising him as she brought her knee up into his abdomen with plenty of force. Steve encouraged her to keep going, taking more and more hits, despite the discomfort. In a real life scenario, it would take a while for someone her size to completely knock out someone much bigger than her. But Isadora didn't lose stamina until he tapped her back, signalling for her to let go.

"Ding, ding, ding!" She exclaimed, laughing as she impersonated a sports commentator. "Rogers is down, the fight goes to Moore, a complete KO!"

Steve allowed himself a laugh as well, imitating a roaring crowd before clapping for her as she bowed extravagantly, as if on a stage.

"That was great, Isadora," he told her as they sat down for a break, ready to chug plenty of water.

The park they were in was empty, not a soul in sight. There were no streetlights either, so they were doused in darkness. Steve noticed how the stars above were so bright. With how much light there was in the cities these days, he hadn't seen stars like that in a long time. 

"I think it'll be different in real life, though," she shrugged. "We don't know what my fight or flight response will be like with a loaded gun and an assailant who actually wants to hurt me."

"Don't let yourself overthink it," Steve said, encouragingly. "If you can't outfight them, you can always outsmart them. Especially you. You don't need any help there."

Isadora laid her hands flat on her thighs and suddenly seemed very interested in her nail polish. Steve cringed inwardly- that was too much, and he hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way.

Before he could embarrass himself further, the two of them heard upbeat music in the distance, somehow both muffled and clear at the same time. Isadora was blocking the view of the direction it came from, but he could make out a faint glow behind her as she turned to look.

"They're having a bonfire party," Isadora chuckled, before leaping up, dragging him with her. "Gosh, I love this song! Let's go, I know you're young at heart."

Steve was tempted, but he had to keep a level head. "They might recognise me, and that could give away our location," he began. "But you go ahead, if you want, I could wait."

She didn't move, though, instead just letting her hair out of its tie. "Y'know what, the music is loud enough, let's just dance."

Before he could argue though, Isadora was already swaying her hips and shaking her head in time with the music playfully- and he couldn't help but laugh.

"I don't know how to dance to this stuff," Steve told her but she just shook her head, pointing at him as if to say, _no excuses._

Then she took his hands and pulled his left arm towards her, before switching in time with the music, all the while still jumping around. Steve supposed he could get into the swing of this. Before they knew it, they were jumping around and laughing like mad men.

"I didn't realise how much I needed that," Steve panted as the song faded out. He couldn't get the smile off his face.

"My mom always used to say that when times are tough, movement is the key to feeling okay again," Isadora smiled. There was some sadness in that smile- sadness that just didn't look right on her face. "It brings you back into your body when your mind is somewhere else. Even now, she barely remembers me, but when I visit her, I always make sure to have a little dance. It makes her so happy."

Steve didn't know how to respond to that. It seemed like anything he could attempt to say just wouldn't cut it. He thought of Peggy, and how her memory was deteriorating more and more each day and his heart ached for her. But he didn't mention that to Isadora, instead deciding not to attempt to relate.

"You're doing good," he told her, and she sighed.

Then the music from the party changed, presumably to a song the woman before him recognised, and Isadora's face broke into a smile and she began to dance once more.

She'd told him movement was the key, and now, with his mind wandering to Peggy, and all the time he had missed... He was willing to give Isadora's theory more of a try.

So, as the music reached its chorus, he joined in, and moved. And Steve had to admit, it worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh I'm tryna build a meaningful friendship between Sadie and Steve, but I've forgotten how to do that since it's been ages since I've written anything??? trying my best!!!
> 
> as usual please comment any feedback you have for me!  
> -Amber.


	5. Seeing The Soldier

**"** **I** 'll just stay on the sidelines, I won't get involved," Sadie said to Steve and Natasha as they stood outside the door which led to the roof; the would-be the site of their interrogation of Jasper Sitwell. Sam had gone ahead to secure the target, now they just waited for his arrival. "You taught me a few things, and I managed to hold you off, didn't I?"

"I didn't seriously attack you, Isadora," Steve said firmly. "But if this mission gets intercepted, I can guarantee that HYDRA _will_ try to harm you. It's best if we eliminate the risk."

And get her out of the way. Sadie knew that he was trying to protect her, but it didn't sit well with her. The truth was, she knew it was highly likely that there would be a fight by the end of the day, but she would much rather be here, ready to help Steve, and Sam, and Natasha when they inevitably get hurt, as opposed to just spending the day off seeing the sights of DC.

"Look, Moore," Natasha said, with no tone of aggression. "We wouldn't step into your OR. Leave it to us, we're professionals at this."

"I'm a diagnostician, not a surgeon," Sadie politely corrected. "If worst comes to worse I'll... make a force field or something."

Steve didn't look all too convinced. "Show us."

Well, that certainly put her on the spot. Natasha gave her an encouraging half-smile, but Steve's expression didn't show any signs of him buckling. The laughter filled Steve Rogers she'd danced with last night had been put to the side- she truly was dealing with ' _Captain America'_.

Sadie concentrated, for a second, closing her eyes and imagining a blue bubble around her, like she had seen on television. She imagined that the bubble was impenetrable, imagined bullets getting stuck in the thickness of it. Then she opened her eyes, watching her hands as they began to glow, and blue light extended from them forming rectangle in front of her.

It wasn't what she was aiming for, but it would prove her point, at least.

"Let's test it out," Nat shrugged, before aiming a hard kick at the force field, only to stumble backwards. Pride surged in Sadie's stomach. "Well, it sure does the job."

"It's not enough," Steve said. "You're still vulnerable on all other sides."

Sadie refrained from mentioning that Steve's own shield left him with the exact same problem. She figured now wasn't the time for smart replies.

That was when Natasha spoke up, "You saw the coffee shop across the street? Get yourself a drink, leave this to us, and we'll meet you back at Sam's."

Before she had a chance to argue however, Sam Wilson entered the hall, and sure enough, Jasper Sitwell was being pushed in front, his hands tied and a paper bag over his head. There was no communication, apart from a silent nod from Sam, who turned immediately back on himself, heading to play his part of the plan.

"Look, I don't want any trouble man," Jasper's voice was shaky, but he got no answer.

Instead Steve just held Sadie's glare, mouthing for her to _go_. She rolled her eyes before walking away down the hall, turning back to see Natasha pulling off the bag and cutting free Jasper's wrists before Steve pushed him through the door and onto the roof. Once they were all gone, Sadie turned back around, and followed them out, confident Steve wouldn't argue in the middle of an interrogation. That was an understatement. He seemed to be so invested in getting answers, that he didn't notice her at all.

The questions immediately began firing out of Steve's mouth with an edge of venom Sadie had never heard in his voice. But he showed no signs of stopping, walking forward and forward, causing Sitwell to back further and further towards the edge of the roof. When the answers came to nothing though, Steve forced the man so close to the edge that Sadie worried he might drop him prematurely.

The plan had sounded so simple when they were talking about it earlier, but now, seeing these people who she trusted let a man fall nearly forty storeys just to pick him back up again was pretty overwhelming.

She stayed back.

~

Half an hour later, Sadie found herself squashed in the backseat between Natasha and the car door, Sitwell filling the seat beside the red haired agent. It was so cramped, that Sadie had struggled to put on her seatbelt, so she decided to leave it alone. If, God forbid, the car crashed, she didn't think there was enough room for her to move at all. Unconcerned- or rather unknowing- Sam, Nat and Steve discussed their next moves.

"We'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly," Steve finally decided, and immediately Sitwell was up in arms.

"What? Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea," the bald man argued and Sadie felt inclined to agree, but there was no time for her to propose an alternate plan, as there was suddenly the sound of glass breaking, and Sitwell was dragged out of the car window and tossed in front of a moving truck.

Then there were bullets raining down through the roof and instinctively, Sadie ducked in her seat. It was a miracle she wasn't hit as Natasha leapt forward between Sam and Steve, and the brakes were pulled, tossing whoever was shooting at them onto the road ahead as they came to a dead stop on the highway.

Sadie peeked up, and Steve immediately yelled at her to stay down, but not before she caught a glimpse of the man who stood in front of the car. He looked a force to be reckoned with- a blinding metal arm, a completely leather suit and guns hanging wherever they possibly could. She tried to find a glimpse of humanity in his face but it was covered by a mask and matte black goggles, making her task impossible. He appeared more machine than man. And he was already preparing to fire again.

"My shield!" Steve called to her reaching his arm back and she immediately turned to retrieve it from the open boot, placing it in his open palm and instantly the shield was up, taking the majority of the bullets from the gunman.

When Sadie turned back again she noticed a black van hurtling towards them, with no sign of stopping. She threw her hands up, attempting to cast a blue forcefield around the car. It shuddered and broke under the weight and speed of the van. The impact flung her forward and she narrowly missed the windscreen, leaving her legs dangling behind her as she tried to reach the back seat to no avail.

"Where's your damn belt?" Sam yelled, but before she could reply, the gunman's metal arm burst through the windscreen, sending shattered glass flying in her face as she covered her eyes, and the steering wheel was snatched right out of Sam's hands. "Shit!"

As Natasha began to shoot at the gunman, Sadie felt the car beginning to swerve, being pulled off the road- but she was still stuck, kicking her legs to try and break free. Childishly, she let out a scream.

God, she couldn't die here, she couldn't die here. She couldn't leave her mother, all alone in that nursing home without any visitors, she couldn't leave Adrianne and her gorgeous family, the children of which she was godmother to- what was she thinking coming on this insane trip? Why did she ever think she could keep up with these people, and these threats?

"Hang on!" Steve shouted, and there was a gush of cold air as he broke open the door, sending Natasha and Sam skidding away on it.

Then he reached for her as the car rose up in the air, wrapping his arm around her and protecting her back and neck with his shield as he pulled her free, leaving himself completely vulnerable. They went tumbling out of car, and as they fell, Sadie mustered all the power she had and aimed it towards the man who was saving her life at his own risk.

_This has to work,_ she thought, desperately. _This will work- for him!_ Just in time, a blue forcefield projected around them, absorbing most of the impact as they hit the ground. Sadie slumped on Steve's chest, his arms still around her.

"Holy shit," she gasped, her bones still shaking. Then she glanced up and the nightmare got even worse. Men were piling out of the black van. Men with guns. "Holy shit- holy shit- Steve, we gotta get up!"

Sadie leapt to her feet, and instantly, Steve was stood in front of her, holding his shield up as the men opened fire. The metal armed man was nowhere to be seen and neither was Natasha, but Sam was crouched behind an abandoned car, shooting at the advancing men whenever he could.

"Where's Natasha?" Steve yelled to Sam, not a sign of fatigue or fear in his voice.

"That psycho with the arm gave chase to her," Sam answered. "They're off the highway! Go, I got this!"

Steve turned to look at Sadie, and she threw her hands up in front of her, casting another forcefield.

"How long can you keep that up?" He asked her, over the sound of the bullets.

The truthful answer was that she didn't know, but instead she said, "As long as I need to."

Steve nodded to her. "Stay behind Sam, and if you get a chance, get as far away from here as possible!"

Then he was gone and Sadie leapt behind the car Sam was behind, extending her forcefield around him, too.

The soldier paused only for a second, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "Bet you wish you got that coffee, huh?"

Sadie laughed, nervously, but they were quickly shocked back to life by the bullets increasing. Sam fired back with expert precision, managing to knock down most of the men. Sadie looked around at the scene, noticing the few but significant bystanders that hadn't been able to run fast enough, getting caught up in the fray.

Sadie caught sight of an elderly man slumped in the driver's seat of a green car, a man grasping his leg which was shot, and finally a little girl at the edge of the highway, her mother crouched over her, pressing on a wound in her shoulder. Sadie triaged the situation in her brain and all fear escaped her as she looked at the people in need. She was a doctor first and foremost, and that would come before any selfish instincts.

"I gotta go help those people," she told Sam over the noise. "I'll try and keep this field up as I heal them, but don't rely on it- I've never used two skills at once."

"Hell no, Moore, you stay right here where it's safe," Sam argued immediately, ducking below cover as he halted his fire. "Steve told you to stay behind me."

"We're getting shot at, Sam, nowhere's safe," Sadie told him.

"I don't like this," he warned but she just gave him a reassuring smile.

"I've treated people in warzones before, don't you worry about me. You do your job, I'll do mine," she said, respectfully, before willing her powers to draw another forcefield (albeit a lot weaker than the one she held over Sam) as she risked running over to their crashed and upturned car, doing her best to pull aside the broken boot door and dragging out her heavy medical bag. Then she hurried over to the woman and her child.

"Ma'am, my name's Doctor Moore, New York Presbyterian, I'm here to help," Sadie told the woman, who sobbed as she held pressure on the child's wound.   
The girl was wide awake, but apparently in shock as she didn't complain of any discomfort.

"My daughter," the woman sobbed, her voice quiet. "My daughter's been shot."

Sadie pulled rubber gloves onto her hands. "What are your names?"

"I-I'm Marlene, and this is Lucy," the mother answered, before gasping with tears again. "Oh God, please! She's only seven."

Sadie's heart twanged as she listened to Marlene's every word, understanding the raw emotion and panic that she felt. But Doctor Moore was different than Sadie was. Doctor Moore kept herself together, filtering the mother's speech for the important details- in this case, the girl's age. Seven. It would change how she'd approach the scenario.

"Okay, Marlene you're doing an excellent job putting pressure on that wound. I'm gonna secure her spine and move her forward, see if I can find an exit wound, but you can't move your hands from where they are," Sadie explained, and the woman nodded. "Okay, one, two, three!"

Sadie moved the girl forward slightly, peeking at her back to find a huge exit wound just missing her spine, the blood soaking through the girl's shirt. Immediately, she grabbed some packing, pushing it onto the wound and applying pressure. The wound was bleeding so heavily, blood began to soak through quickly.

"Right, Marlene, I need you to go into my bag-"

"But you said not to move my hands!"

"Yes, but now I need you to go into my bag and pull out the bottled water- use it to wash the blood off your hands, and put on a pair of gloves," Sadie instructed her, and Marlene complied, her hands visibly shaking. "Amazing, now in the left pocket, there should be some more of this packing and some tape. I want you to get it out."

Sadie continued to instruct the woman and soon the little girl had packing applied to the entry wound, held there tightly by masking tape. As Marlene called the ambulance, Sadie spoke to the child directly.

"Okay, Lucy you've been very brave," she spoke, and the girl nodded. "Now, I'm gonna lay you down on your belly and I need you to stay brave for me 'cause it might hurt, okay?"

The girl didn't reply, but nodded her blonde head, and together, Sadie and her mother lay her forward. Marlene gasped again at the sight of the much larger exit wound, visibly panicking as she began to hyperventilate.

"No, no, Marlene this is good, it means the bullet is gone," Sadie reassured her. "It means I can get this healed here and now."

"How?"

"I'm... I have abilities," Sadie hated to use the word, but in the circumstances it was all she could use to explain it.

"Yeah I guessed that by the force fields you've been throwing around, and the fact you came tumbling out of a crashing car with Captain America," Marlene scoffed. Then she composed herself. "I'm sorry- I just mean can you really do it?"

"I really can," Sadie answered. She looked around them, noticing that the fighting had moved off the highway. She let the forcefield around Sam drop as he rushed over to the edge of the bridge, gun in hand. All the power she had, had to be put into healing these people.

"Marlene, I need you to do something for me," she said, before pointing to a man lay a few meters away, who she had noticed earlier. "Go to him. Take some of the packing, and I want you to elevate his leg and apply pressure to it, tape it up exactly like Lucy's. Then monitor him, make sure he's still breathing. If he ever stops, start CPR- 30 compressions, 2 breaths in a steady rhythm. There's a mask in the bag for you to use and keep you safe, and there's a little card with the steps-"

"How can I leave her?" Marlene asked, stroking her daughter's hair.

"Marlene," Sadie said again, holding her gaze. "That man will bleed out and die if you don't help him. Now, I'm the best person you could've stumbled across, I have always been number one and I'm going to solve this. Your daughter is in good hands. _Help him."_

The mother hesitated, looking between Sadie and the man who had now passed out, before taking the packing, tape and CPR mask with her as she hurried over.

With that, Sadie began the process of healing. She placed her glowing hands over the wound and imagined waves of warmth washing over the girl, easing any pain or discomfort- Lucy's body visibly relaxed, and Sadie felt relief that it was working despite her low energy levels. It was hard to do without the benefits of a scan, being able to see just what the bullet had damaged, but she never had scans in Afghanistan. So Sadie closed her eyes, and imagined the tendrils of her power knitting muscle and flesh together, imagined new cells dividing to replace lost tissue, all while maintaining the warmth and numbness over Lucy.

She didn't know how long it took her, all concept of time was gone as she imagined everything fixed, and it happened. She opened her eyes, and Lucy's previously pale skin had pinked up again, and Sadie sighed in relief, glancing over at Marlene who was still holding pressure on the wounded man's leg, watching in awe from across the highway.

Sadie continued how she was throughout the fray, helping and healing. Then ambulances arrived quickly, and she saw each patient off to the hospital, knowing they were in good hands. Before the final ambulance left, a brave faced paramedic had offered her a ride to the nearest hospital.

She'd asked him to wait a moment, and jogged over the the side of the highway staring down to where Steve still fought, hard and fast and speedy against multiple opponents. And she wondered how, regardless of what his advice to her was, she could leave while they were all being so brave, leave when they could need her help very soon.

Sadie didn't take up much of the paramedic's time, telling him she would find her own way over to the hospital, and within seconds the ambulance was speeding away.

The highway was empty now, with nothing but the bodies of the armed men Sam had shot, and the abandoned cars around them. She rushed over to where Sam still stood, and she had nothing to do except watch the fight that ensued below.

"I can't get a hit on this guy!" Sam said, and that's when Sadie noticed Natasha crouching behind a car, grasping her shoulder, as if hurt.

"I'm going to help Nat," Sadie told Sam, before climbing down the emergency ladder on the side of the highway, Sam following suit.

She rushed over to Natasha and crouched beside her, her glowing hands ready again, but the agent was already shaking her head, her free hand outstretched as if to stop her getting any closer.

"No, no way," Nat said, shaking her head, before gesturing to her hands. "You've used these way too much for one day, the last thing we need is for you to collapse in the middle of this."

"But you're shot!" Sadie argued, attempting and failing to get closer. "Just let me treat you!"

"I don't need it," Natasha said firmly, and the look on her face was one of absolute certainty.

Sadie knew couldn't force her, so instead, she advised her to keep pressure on the wound. Indeed, the agent was right- she was beginning to feel an exhaustion that she was sure would take over her if she didn't stop. Part of her was relieved she could stop.

Now, they finally had nothing left to do but watch the fighting, as Sam took on more armed men, and Steve-

Steve was fighting the metal armed man hand-to-hand, matching his strength but hardly his speed. The man's eyes were visible now, cold and piercing, even from this distance. Sadie's heart was in her mouth as she watched Steve get hit, and get up, get hit, and get up again.

Then he managed to land a blow which knocked the assailant down for a second, the mask finally flying off- and the fight... paused.

Sadie watched in confusion as Steve stood there, staring at the man, his chest rising and falling as he let his guard down. She could see the two exchange words, but wasn't close enough to understand what was said, and she couldn't begin to guess.

Time was still, until Natasha stood, hauling up a massive weapon and aiming at the gunman, sending an explosion right to where he stood. Sadie glanced at the woman next to her, but Natasha's expression didn't look like she believed she had just killed the gunman, and that made Sadie all the more fearful.

Sadie got up, clumsily making her way over to Steve who was statue still in shock, but she only got halfway there before sirens sounded, and black vans surrounded them on all sides.

That was when her brain was finally snapped out of the fight and the chaos, and the war doctor in her retreated, leaving only Isadora-Michelle Moore, who acknowledged the scene around her in shock.

Random fires, smashed glass, abandoned cars. A news helicopter in the sky and HYDRA agents pointing guns at them all. An armed agent approached her, and Sadie's brain ran through everything her parents had taught in the scenario any armed officer of any kind approached.

So she went through the motions. She showed that her hands were empty and kept them visible until the agent put them behind her back, and cuffed her wrists, pushing her to her knees. She thought about her phone in her pocket, and whether or not she could reach it to record, just in case- but it was useless. Instead, she followed instructions and didn't challenge anything.

Sadie could see Steve out of the corner of her eyes as she kept her head down- he was slower to comply, but it didn't take him long to realise they were at HYDRA's mercy.

She closed her eyes as she heard the clang of his shield on the tarmac. Resignation, from all of them.

Perhaps she would die today after all.


	6. Gaining Friends

**S** adie's hands were still shaking and glowing even over an hour later. She didn't know how to stop it- this had never happened before, and as they sat in a six seater car on the way to who knows where, she wished the light would extinguish.

To say they were shocked to see Maria Hill disguised as a HYDRA agent would be an understatement, but was Sadie glad they were saved?

Of course.

Sadie had only ever met Agent Hill in passing- most recently when Steve was discovered in the ice three years ago, but first in 2010. SHIELD had originally discovered _Doctor Isadora Moore_ after word in Afghanistan had gotten around regarding an American doctor who could fix what needed surgery with her bare hands. The locals had called her a name in Farsi that she had never understood. Sadie supposed she never would know it's meaning- but clearly, the tales told were interesting enough for SHIELD to drag her into their insane world.

Natasha, Agent Hill and Sam sat in the front of the six seater car, all fairly lively as they listened to the radio. Perhaps it was something she would never understand, to come out of combat and have it simply be another day at the office. Sadie had managed to finally persuade Natasha to let her help stop the bleeding, but the bullet was still inside her, and Sadie didn't know if her powers could get it out when she was this drained. She'd gone deeper into her powers than ever, and she suspected that if she went any further, she would hit a wall of nothing.

But still, her hands glowed and shook, and she wondered why she couldn't make it stop. Adrenaline? Short term trauma? Sadie wished it would all just make sense to her- she was a diagnostician, but she couldn't diagnose herself.

That all left Sadie and Steve in the backseat, sitting in dead silence, a partition up in front of them. The divide made her feel like she was still under arrest, but Steve had pulled it up earlier, evidently just as disturbed as she was to see the three in the front so... chipper.

Sadie was hyper aware of the seatbelt across her chest, and had made sure everyone else wore theirs at the beginning of the journey- she didn't want a repeat of what happened on the highway. She looked over at the super soldier who sat beside her, head leaned against the window, tired. Steve had told them all about how he'd recognised the metal armed man- the Winter Soldier- as his childhood friend Bucky Barnes, but this Bucky had no idea who Steve was.

"Steve, I'm sorry," Sadie said, finally- guilt had been eating away at her ever since they got out of danger. "I never should have been there today, if I got in the way of anything-"

"You helped those people, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but you _warned_ me this would happen-"

"Usually, we don't have the skills for any collateral. You did," Steve said, still not looking at her. "So don't feel so bad about it. We have much more to deal with before this is all over."

That certainly shut her up. Sadie looked down at her hands again, wondering how she could stop them from shaking, and glowing. She clasped them together in an attempt to stop it, but they continued to only glow brighter. Steve reached over to her, but she pulled her hands away- she didn't know if the light would hurt him- was it hot, was it cold, was it painful, when she healed people? She had no idea how it felt.

Apparently, Steve wasn't afraid of that. Sadie felt his hands on hers, steadying them. Somehow, his gentleness was enough to keep her still. She gazed at their hands, the blue glow illuminating straight through him, making his skin almost translucent- Sadie thought if she stared for long enough, she might be able to see the blood in his veins.

"It- it doesn't hurt?" Sadie asked him, nodding towards the light. He just shook his head.

"Just focus," he ordered, softly. She breathed deeply, matching the rise and fall of her chest to his. Already, the glow was fading.

His hands were cold, but she didn't mind as she looked back at him. He had moved closer to reach her- or as close as he could with his seatbelt holding him back- but now, he didn't look at her face. Instead his eyes were focusing on their hands, and she felt embarrassed by the fact that she was still slightly shaky. Sadie scanned his expression, noticing a sort of conflict in his face, as his thoughts inevitably still drifted to Bucky.

"Steve," she whispered softly, and as he looked back up at her she forgot her words. How could she possibly say anything that could make him feel better? The doctor in her wanted nothing more than to ease his pain. "Steve, I-"

The car came to a halt, and Steve let go of her hands, pulling down the partition to reveal Maria and the others.

"We're here," Hill said, turning to face them. "There's something you all ought to see."

Sadie was glad her hands had stopped glowing as the group followed Agent Hill into a shadowy building, down corridor after corridor and stairs after stairs, until they arrived outside a room. Sadie stood at the back, struggling to see despite her sufficient height- the room was dark, and her eyes needed to adjust- but then she heard a familiar voice, and knew instantly who it was.

"About damn time," Fury said, laying in a hospital bed, very much alive. Then he caught sight of her and raised an eyebrow. "Doctor Moore. Surprised to see you here. You ready to work some of your magic on me?"

Sadie stepped forwards, and glanced at the scans pinned above him. His spine was deeply cut, collar bone in pieces, his liver was perforated, and lung collapsed.

Sadie took a deep breath. For this man, whom they all owed so much? Lending a hand was not a dilemma. "I can try. But I'm running low on... whatever fuel this stuff works on. So, it'll be a work in progress for a few hours at least. Probably take some time tomorrow as well."

"It's better than a few months," Fury responded, and she was inclined to agree- healing these injuries naturally would have been a long and painful process.

And so, despite her powers running low, and the feeling of hitting that wall being so close, Sadie made her hands glow, again, and got to work.

~

Later, Sadie knocked gently on the door of Steve and Sam's room, calling to see if she could come in. No response. She assumed that meant it was fine.

Entering the room, she noticed Sam was nowhere to be seen, most likely already headed to get something to eat, as Sadie was here to remind Steve to do.

The blond soldier was sat on the edge of the bottom bunk, his posture slumped as he scratched a pencil drawing onto a small lined notebook. She took her glasses out of her pocket and put them on, to see that the drawing was of the Winter Soldier, in the moment Steve had realised who he was. The detail was striking. Sadie wondered when, and where, he had learned to draw like that- a natural talent, or a skill he'd honed?

"You know they have photos on file," Sadie attempted to joke, but Steve didn't look up, continuing to draw.

"I need to... capture it," he said, frowning slightly. "That expression, I need to figure it out."

"He was important to you," She started, sitting next to him. Steve's pencil halted. "This Bucky guy."

"He was with me through thick and thin," he said, finally looking up at her with anxiety in his eyes. "And nobody- Isadora, _nobody_ seems to understand that just because he doesn't remember me, it doesn't mean I should forget him."

"I do," Sadie started, hesitantly. She placed a hand on his back, stroking reassuring circles in an attempt to be comforting. She didn't know how much it would work. "I do understand. I know it's not the same, but with my mom, I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I should stop visiting. After I tried everything- even these powers- and nothing worked, I thought maybe they were right. But she's been there for me through everything, and I won't leave her on this. So, I understand, Steve. And I don't think you should forget him for anything."

Once she was finished, Steve stayed silent and Sadie wondered if she'd said too much. Perhaps she'd made it too much about herself, in an attempt to relate? Sadie dropped her hand from his back, standing up again.

"Anyway, I came to tell you there's food ready, everybody's eating. You should too. Big mission tomorrow." As she turned to walk towards the door, she felt him grasp her hand. Surprised, she stopped to look at him.

"Isadora," he started, before apparently forgetting his words.

The notebook lay discarded on the pillow, still open on the work in progress. Steve's hand felt hot against her own, and she stared down at his hand grasping hers, for the second time that day. But this seemed like a spontaneous act, nothing like the favour he'd offered her earlier, steadying her shaking hands.

Sure enough, even Steve looked surprised, as if he'd barely noticed his hand outstretch. But instead of letting go, he simply looked Sadie in the eyes, still filled with that same anxiety and desperation. Finally, after what felt like a million years, he spoke.

"I don't know what I'll do tomorrow, if he's there," Steve told her. "I don't know if I'll be able to fight him."

"You'll do your best. And that'll be more than enough," she answered.

More silence at that. His hand still held hers, as if he wasn't done, and his eyes still gazed into hers, scanning for truth. The moment felt both intense, and natural, impossibly.

But Sadie had been through this countless times before- desperate patients looking for reassurance. ' _I don't know if I'll be able to fight him.'_ Replace 'him' with any known disease, and it was a sentence Sadie had heard before. And in the end, eight times out of ten, the person saying it beats whatever they're facing.

Doctor Isadora Moore knew the routine she should take- reassure him, let him know he's capable, and leave him to his feelings with the knowledge she was only a call away. But when Steve finally spoke, Sadie wasn't sure she'd be able to go through with that last step.

"Why don't you stay a while?" he asked her. "Will you stay a little longer?"

Sadie smiled at him, taking his hand in both her own as she sat back down beside him. And as earnestly, and honestly as she could, she told him, "Steve, I'm not going anywhere."

As soon as she let go of him, and he continued to draw in silence, she could feel the exhaustion of the day weighing on her. Sadie's body had never been under such stress and pressure, trying to keep her powers up with the force fields and the healing necessary for the gunfight. Her powers felt like a well, and she had truly hit the bottom.

Sadie willed herself not to fall asleep there, but it seemed she failed, as she woke the next morning in her own bunk, with the heroes gone to save the world.

~

It was over. Finally, they'd took down HYDRA just as it emerged out of the woodworks, and Steve just prayed that he would never have to deal with this again. As for Bucky... Steve had no clue.

He'd woken in an unknown hospital bed, his body aching and his old friend nowhere to be seen. Instead though, Sam Wilson sat by his beside, and Steve couldn't help but admire the man, and wonder if anyone could deserve a friend like him. They'd shared friendly banter and both their spirits were lifted.

But Sam hadn't slept or eaten, so Steve had urged him out of the room by pretending it was Sam's idea to get food in the first place. He wasn't really hungry at all.

"Seriously," A familiar voice echoed from the hall outside his room. "Now you're just going to leave? Fury!"

"That's exactly what I'm gonna do," Fury walked into view of the window, and sure enough, Isadora followed him, standing directly in line with the open doorway. "You chose to introduce yourself to those patients. I don't need another Tony Stark- telling the whole damn world he's extraordinary and then being surprised when it comes to bite him in the-"

"God, it's a damn habit okay?" Isadora argued. Steve had never seen her so annoyed. "You gotta build rapport with the patients- you try trusting someone who's name you don't know!"

"You didn't _have_ to tell them."

"Maybe! It doesn't matter! A little girl was _shot!"_ Something uncomfortable twisted in Steve's stomach at that. A kid. Shot. Was it one of the Soldier's bullets, or one of their own?

Despite Isadora's protests, Fury seemed unfazed. That was when Steve noticed Fury's clothing, and wondered why he was still dressed incognito. The ex-director's tone was nonchalant in a way Steve knew would only infuriate Isadora more. "You'll figure it out Doctor Moore. You don't need me covering for you anymore."

Then Fury was walking away, and Isadora stood still watching, running a hand through her curls. She didn't look like she'd spent much of the day outside of the bed Steve had carried her to last night- still dressed in the same t-shirt and leggings but he couldn't blame her.

As far as he knew, she'd never been part of a fight before, and from the sounds of it, had never used that much of her power. Isadora Moore was a civilian, that much was clear, and he had dragged her into the biggest mess. Steve almost felt sick thinking about it.

"What did Fury want?" He called to her, and she turned to face him, raising an eyebrow in slight surprise.

"Steve Rogers, you've been awake this whole time?" Isadora asked him, with a laugh as walked over to sit at his bedside. "Natasha came back mostly fine, Sam was discharged hours ago, but _you_ \- I thought it might be a matter of waiting for the monitor to flatline."

"Something you ought to know about me if we're gonna be friends, Isadora," he answered with a smile. "I don't die easy."

"Thank the Lord for that," she sighed, rubbing her temples. "This has been one heck of a journey."

The feeling of guilt settled further into Steve's stomach as he remembered what it was like seeing her trapped and screaming in that car on the highway, the effort it had taken for him to pull her free. How he had saved her life, and she had protected him with her power in return. And how he wished he never had to save her in the first place. He had dragged her into the biggest mess.

She seemed to read his mind, because she added quickly: "But I _chose_ to come."

He didn't know how convinced he was that that fact justified it all.

"Anyway, I just dropped by to check on you, make sure you're getting the best care possible," Isadora said finally, before nodding in approval. "I've been at this hospital now and then working with SHIELD, so I know the staff you've got are damn good. But I'll get going- I don't want to be in your hair any longer."

Steve contemplated telling her that he wouldn't mind the company, but after how he'd clung to her to last night- he wouldn't put her through that again. So instead he settled with asking a simple question.

"What will you do now?"

"Well, there were news helicopters above that highway," she explained. "The footage was broadcast live and we were all identified, even me and Wilson. That, plus the patients who were rushed to hospital telling stories about Doctor Moore with glowing hands? I think it's safe to say I've been exposed."

"Fury couldn't help?"

"Clearly not," she scoffed. "But it's time I stood on my own two feet. I did what was right, and if I lose my job because of it? Well, that's the path God's set me on. I love the hospital, and I love my patients. But if they don't want me, I'll let it go."

"Isadora, I wanted to thank you," Steve told her, and she looked down at her feet. "For coming to help."

"You were my patient, Steve. You still are, if you ever need me," she answered, before her phone beeped, and she stood. "That's Adrianne. She's picking me up."

"When we're back in New York," Steve started, tentatively. "Will I still be able to find you at the hospital?"

"I hope so. If not, I'll text you my home address," Isadora grinned in response. "Maybe we could hang out, grab a coffee when our lives aren't at stake. Or have a dance party to Blondie."

"Blondie?" he asked. That was when he noticed his notebook on the table beside him, and he reached for it, scribbling down the name.

"Give Heart of Glass a try. 80s disco classic!" She told him, still smiling widely. "There we go, some homework for ya. I expect full updates on your recovery, by the way. It's going in the case study!"

"Yes, Doc," he smiled, and she laughed.

Then she turned on her heel, and walked away, giving him one last beaming smile and a wave before entering the hall. If anything had come out of this, at least Steve had gained some friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I got through the events of winter soldier pretty quickly, but as you saw in the other chapters, Sadie only really gets involved after Steve and Nat find Zola in that super computer, and by that point half the movie is over tbh  
> I hope you'll forgive that I skipped out the helicarrier crash- Sadie is still fairly inexperienced with her powers so to me I didn't think she would be ready to jump into the midst of a fight so soon- I definitely don't want my OC to be overpowered!
> 
> I won't be jumping straight from movie to movie though, I will be including a few chapters in between and stuff for like further characterisation so yeah! As usual please comment any feedback you may have and I hope you stick around for the following chapters! Sorry my authors notes are so rambly!
> 
> -Amber


	7. Shelly-Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oKAY since I wrote this someone told me "Benjamin Wyatt" is the name of an existing character in like Parks and Rec? Goes without saying that my minor OC is not the same Ben Wyatt as the Parks and Rec guy but I thought I'd clarify that before we begin hahahaha hate my life

**"** **S** o you're a damn superhero now?" Adrianne asked her as they pulled up out of the hospital parking lot. The air was golden as the sun set on the horizon ahead, spilling light onto them. Sadie leaned back in her seat letting her mahogany skin soak in the sun- she'd spent most of the day in that bed in that dark bunker, unable to move. Now, she revelled in the light.

"No, absolutely not," Sadie laughed, still beaming from her earlier conversation with Steve. "I just helped out a friend."

"A _friend_ , huh?" her best friend glanced over at her, shaking her head with a smile. "Thought he was your patient."

"Same difference."

"Much difference," Adrianne said. She was right.

"How is everyone, anyway?" Sadie asked, eager to change the topic. "Did you guys miss me? I can't wait to see Sophia and little Jacob."

In fact, Sadie hadn't been able to take her two god-children off her mind all day, wondering how the Valentina family were doing. Only a few more hours before she'd see those gems again.

"Hell yeah we did," Adrianne laughed. "We missed you, your residents missed you, heck even the hospital board missed you."

Isadora asked, hopefully. "They're not mad?"

"Oh they're mad alright," Adrianne said, before grinning. "But they've been mad before."

"How did my Chief Resident do?"

"God, so many questions!"

"Yeah, but I gotta know if I'm gonna be starting back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Adrianne exclaimed, and the car behind them beeped for them to move once the light turned green. "No, no, no, you gotta get some rest! Plus you need to pass the standard psych eval too."

"I'm fine," Sadie said, but she knew her friend was right. If she wanted to practise again, she had to show that she wasn't suffering any trauma. She looked down at her hands. "And what about these? Do I have to do tests for those too?"

Adrianne was quiet for a moment. "I shouldn't say this, Sadie-"

"Just say it," she told her, gripping the car door as she took deep breaths.

"You're still allowed to come back to work, as far as I know, I haven't heard anything different," Adrianne started. A brilliant start. "But the Chief Resident kind of had a nervous breakdown with all the work suddenly in her lap, and then you were on the news and everyone knew about your powers and... they've temporarily replaced you as Chief of Medicine."

"McCoy had a nervous breakdown?" Sadie's stomach dropped with guilt as she took a deep breath. The bubbly young doctor had always been eager to work, and had a well balanced working life- that was why Sadie selected her as Chief. And she hadn't thought twice about ruining that. "Oh my god, I made the stupidest decision, this is all my fault! Is she off work? I have to visit her- apologise!"

"Sadie," Adrianne said. "She's fine now. She'll be coming back to work real soon. In fact- Sarah took the chance to use this as a city break and now she's been to goddamn India so she's fine!"

It still didn't make her feel any better, but it was a relief. "Who'd they replace me with?"

"You're not gonna like it," Adrianne cringed. "Benjamin Asshole Wyatt."

Sadie looked at her best friend with a deadpan expression. "Lies."

Doctor Benjamin Wyatt was a neurologist at New York Presbyterian. He was handsome, and charming, and intelligent and manipulative and arrogant and uncaring. And he had broken Sadie's heart more times than she could count.

When her best friend didn't tell her any different news, Sadie decided then. "First stop is the hospital."

~

"My job is the number one most important thing to me," Isadora told the board. "I have a deep personal and professional relationship with this hospital, and its always been my priority from when I first signed my internship contract."

"It didn't seem like your number one priority when you lied to us, Doctor Moore," the head said, matter of factly. The long conference table was full of people, Benjamin Wyatt being one of them.

Before her trip to New Jersey, and to Washington, Wyatt would only been seen around the hospital wearing scrubs and his doctor's coat. Now though, it seemed the authority that came with 'Interim Chief of Medicine' had gotten to his head. He work a sleek blue suit, his brown hair styled back, and she knew exactly how long it had taken him based on the mornings he used to spend in her apartment, holding up the bathroom and making her late for absolutely everything.

Despite the time the man spent on his brunette locks, when she was with him, he only ever looked this sharp on date nights. Ties perfectly straight, shoes perfectly polished, and teeth sparkling white. At the time, the effort he put into his looks was endearing. Now, she felt like she was looking at a Ken Doll.

"I'm entitled to five days emergency leave," Sadie retorted, respectfully. "It's in clause 7 of my contract."

"Well, we were all under the impression it was a family emergency, that took you out of work," Benjamin spoke, smugly. "Tell us, is getting involved in gunfights with Captain America a family emergency? Is _Captain Steve Rogers_ family?"

"I was helping people, Wyatt," Sadie argued, remaining ever calm and professional. "And I was under contract with SHIELD which meant I could never have mentioned what was happening, even if I wanted to."

"As far as I know, you didn't need to be there," Wyatt continued. "How do we know this isn't a case of Nightingale Syndrome?"

Sadie's heart hammered in her chest, she could feel her foot beginning to jump beneath the table. Was he really going to go there?

"Doctor Wyatt, I am deeply insulted! Captain Rogers was no more to me than a patient when I was called to help him-"

_"Was?"_

"Enough with the linguistics karate," Sadie spat, feeling herself becoming more and more frustrated.

"-And poor Doctor McCoy, having to deal with your workload on top of her own, no wonder she cracked!"

"I had no idea this would all happen!" Sadie exclaimed, finally pushed to the brink. "All I expected, was to go over to New Jersey, treat my patient, and lay low because of the implications of being under the pressure of literal HYDRA at my back."

"You went to New Jersey to treat a patient but you ended up in Washington in the middle of a gunfight," Wyatt raised an eyebrow and lifted his hands like he had nothing else to say. Sadie resisted to urge to slap him.

"Besides, there are so many breaches of contract here, Doctor Moore," a woman in a mint green suit jacket pointed out. "You should not have been under the employ of SHIELD to begin with. We thought that after all your work and all our resources put into your case study, we could rely on the exclusivity clause. We thought that with the publish date looming, you would fulfill the promise you made in your pitch-"

"SHIELD was a branch of government, and my agreement with them wasn't much of a choice. I wasn't on their payroll at all, I was essentially a... volunteer of sorts. But I will fulfill my promise, and the case study will be published," Sadie promised, clasping her hands together on the table in nervousness. "With HYDRA, I had to edit that study, there was too much at risk keeping the original. But give me two more months and it will be done for you. It'll bring the publicity, and the funding, and-"

"You have nothing to show for nearly two years of work, Doctor Moore," the first man said. "You have proven yourself dishonest and unpredictable. Not to mention unstable."

"Unstable?" Sadie echoed, but she could feel every pair of eyes in that room staring at her hands. That was answer enough.

"Doctor Moore," he continued. "The cherry on top of all of this is the news of your... enhancements. I'm afraid we cannot let you near patients."

"So I'm stuck with admin work?"

"So, you are suspended, Doctor Moore," he said finally, and her stomach dropped even further. "For the foreseeable future. Until the board is assured that your enhancements are under control."

Sadie had never felt more like a freak in her life. There was a long moment's silence. Slowly, she stood stood, gathering her papers. She could feel Wyatt's gaze on her, his green eyes bright. She gave him a poison smile.

"Congratulations, Doctor Wyatt," she told him, her words dripping with saccharine venom. "You've got the job. Thank you all for your time."

With that, she left the conference room, leaving the noise of murmurings behind her. The entire way to the hospital lobby, Sadie felt like she was looking down at herself. A woman, dressed in a pantsuit but with the posture of one defeated, this foreign personality who had messed up so badly she was jobless. She didn't know this woman. This was not her.

There was only one place she could think of going, and soon Sadie was driving towards her mother's nursing home, where she knew the woman would be waiting for visitors.

The home was on the outskirts of the city, where the air was clean and it was quiet. It was nice, but Sadie always wished she could keep her mom with her. Then she wouldn't have to clock in at visiting times.

The Jamaican woman was sat in the usual spot in her room, staring out the window which overlooked the large field below. Sadie knocked on the door tentatively, and her mother turned to face her.

"Ah, Isadora-Michelle," Shan gasped, standing slowly, and Sadie rushed over to meet her mother, immediately helping the elderly lady to sit back down. "Shell, Shell, Shelly girl!"

"Yes, Mom, it's me," Isadora said, kneeling before her, an involuntary tear immediately falling from her eye. Shan wiped it away lovingly, and Sadie had never been so glad she was lucid.

"Oh, Shell," her mother continued, beaming. "Shelly, girl, why do you cry? Is it those useless boys again? You know you're too young for boys anyway- focus on your big brain if you want to fulfill those big dreams of yours."

Her mother tapped her temple playfully and she couldn't help but laugh, sadly, choosing not to remind her that she was now into the latter half of her twenties. "Mom, I lost my job."

"So?" Shan asked, suddenly becoming the strict Caribbean mother she had grown up with. "You think that hospital is what makes you a doctor? What makes you a leader? Is that hospital what you're worth?"

Sadie could only shake her head, more tears falling as her mom held her head in her lap. She stayed like that for a while until her mother lifted her chin, elderly eyes looking into youthful.

"Stop crying and listen to me," her mom ordered, wiping away more of Sadie's tears. "There are plenty of residencies you can get in New York. You don't need them. They need you. Okay? And they will see that."

"You say that about everything."

"Because it's true," her mom insisted. "These boys, you don't need them. But soon as you got a good man, that's when they want you. And that's when you _laugh."_

Sadie braced herself for it- the confusion of conversation was always the first thing to change. Then, like clockwork. Sadie could predict the next few events any day of the week.

"Where are your dad and sister?" her mother asked her, and pain stabbed in Sadie's stomach. "I have been missing them."

She felt herself begin to tear up again. "They couldn't make it, Mom. But they would've loved to be here."

Her mom nodded at that, before her eyes went blank, and she looked at her again like the first time. "Ah, Shell! Isadora-Michelle, Michelle, Michelle! Shell, Shell, Shelly girl!"

"Yes, Mom, it's me," Sadie repeated, her heart heavy.

~

"Thought I'd swing by and we could get that coffee you were talking about," Steve muttered under his breath, before shaking his head. That wasn't right. He tried again, pacing a few steps in the hospital lobby. "Maybe you'd like a coffee after such a long shift... You deserve a coffee for saving lives-"

After spending what spent like ages on the road with, Nat, Sam and Isadora, Steve had honestly began to feel quite lonely for the last few days, alone, in his quaint apartment. For him, when the fight is over, everything is simply quiet. And while that was a good thing- he always wished for company.

"You're looking for Doctor Moore?" a voice said behind him, and he spun around to face a short Latina lady, in an olive green dress, her doctor's coat draped across one arm and two children under ten clinging onto her other arm.

"I am," Steve said, somewhat distracted by the little boy at his feet, who stared at up at him, opening and closing his mouth. Steve held out his hand the way he'd seen Tony do, and the little boy did the same, as they tapped fists. He looked back at the woman. "Is she available?"

"Uh... no. She kinda, sorta doesn't work here anymore," the woman spoke hesitantly.

Steve raised his eyebrows, attempting to subtly read the same on the lapel of the doctor's coat. He couldn't make it out. "Are you sure? Doctor Isadora-Michelle Moore, you might know her as Sadie? She's-"

"Chief of Medicine? Yeah, I'm sure," she confirmed. "She cleared out her office yesterday. By the way, you just could stop ogling my coat and ask my name."

"What's your name?"

"Doctor Adrianne Valentina," she smirked, before jokingly adding: "And no, I'm not single."

Before Steve could mention that he'd heard a lot about her, the conversation was interrupted by one of the children at Adrianne's side.

"Mom!" The girl beside her gasped, and Steve was just thankful it took attention away from his mortified face. "You can't say stuff like that! He's a superhero, he will punch you!"

"I won't be punching anyone," Steve said, instantly. The little boy was still staring.

"You just punched my brother!"

"That was-"

"She knows what it was, she's just a little jokester, aren't you, Sophia?" Adrianne laughed, before changing the subject. "Anyway, Isadora won't be around here for a while. Knowing her, she's probably holed up in that apartment dancing around to breakup songs- this hospital was her equivalent of a happy marriage."

"Auntie Sadie says living with men stinks, literally and figuratively," Sophia piped up again. "But at least the hospital is clean!"

Steve couldn't help but laugh at that. "Aunt Sadie isn't wrong. Well, anyway, that's alright, I'll just have to stop by her place another day."

"Lemme give you a ride there."

"No, no, that's fine, I don't need it," Steve insisted, but Adrianne raised her eyebrows at him.

"Judging by the rain on your shoulders, you do," she shrugged. "You crash your car or something?"

"Something like that," Steve told her, and Adrianne's expression told him she didn't doubt that. He'd really have to replace his motorcycle, or get a car of his own, for casual use, soon.

The car ride to Isadora's consisted of radio songs being yelled at the top of Adrianne and the kids' lungs, and Steve wanting to stop himself from smiling but being completely unable to- the charm of the little family was too much. He was completely unsurprised that the woman in the driver's seat was Isadora's best friend- a lot was similar about them. He wondered if they had been so alike when they met all those years ago, or if they had, like him and Bucky, became close because of what life had thrown at them.

Thinking about Bucky now, and friendships like theirs- the kind of friendships forged and broken and blown by experience... Thinking about Bucky now, wasn't good for his heart.

Soon enough, they had arrived, Adrianne pulling up outside of a tall and pretty fancy building. She paused, turning to face him as the kids continued to sing in the backseat.

"Captain Rogers, I wanted to thank you for looking out for her," Adrianne began, and he instantly shook his head, looking out the window and up to the building.

"She looks out for herself."

"No," Adrianne insisted. "I saw that footage of the fight on the highway. And I know you kept her safe for the big one with those floating buildings-"

"Helicarriers," Steve corrected, not unkindly.

"Thanks," Adrianne chuckled. "My point is, she could've easily been properly caught in the crossfire, but you kept her out of it as best you could, and I admire that."

"She's a civilian," Steve said. "It's my duty."

And he wouldn't have been able to live with himself if she was hurt because of him. He didn't mention that. Adrianne then gave him a look he couldn't quite translate, but said nothing else, so he got out of the car, leaning on the window as he shook her hand in thanks.

"By the way, I'm down as your surgeon so if you ever get shot or anything, you better make sure they get me there," She told him, with a grin. "I'm not having anyone else steal that case."

"Yeah, I'll make sure to call you," Steve laughed, before waving to the kids in the window as they drove away.

When he turned around, Sadie was already waiting at the entrance, dressed in slouchy clothes, a half-apron tied around her waist and a kitchen towel swung on her shoulder. He was about to ask her how she got there so fast, but she was already beckoning him over.

"Get outta the rain! You're gonna get a cold!"

"I've had worse!" he responded, but still jogged under the cover of the large doorway where she was waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hey! this chapter is split quite a lot I hope it isn't clunky but I had a lot to show. I think for a filler it was pretty eventful, we've met Wyatt and Sadie's mum Shan, as well as Adrianne's kids. I hope you didn't feel it was too many new characters in one go but I'll be exploring each of them more throughout the book.
> 
> let me know what y'all thought and ALSO, let me know how you all are! I hope youre all doing well xx  
> -Amber.


	8. Something Beautiful

**S** teve knew better than to believe it, but it seemed that Sadie was her usual self at first, ushering him into the elevator and taking them up, ever the polite host. The apartment was large, and elegant, much larger than anything he could hope to afford. She also had clearly spent a lot of time and money decorating- with paintings and plants and sleek wooden furniture against soft white walls. The kitchen was attached to the living space and there was a wall of windows and subsequently, plenty of light from the setting sun and views of the city.

It wasn't a penthouse, but it was high enough that Steve knew if he were to stand real close to those windows, it'd feel like the edge of a cliff. And, just as Adrianne had predicted, music hummed throughout the space, although he wondered where it was coming from.

"I'm making a pasta bake," Sadie told him, munching on a celery stick as she walked over to her oven, sitting on the tiled floor opposite, and patting the space next to her. He sat down on the cold floor beside her.

"So you met Adrianne, huh?" Isadora asked, her face beaming. "Isn't she great?"

"Yeah, she's a total character," he laughed. "And her kids- man, they're so cute."

"I taught them to be that funny. I mean, their dad's a real joker too but it was definitely me," Sadie told him in that rambly way she often spoke, with a proud smile playing at her lips.

"I don't doubt it," he replied, with a chuckle, and they fell quiet again, staring at the dish in the oven.

"So... you couldn't stay away, huh?" she asked him with a grin, tucking a stray ringlet of jet black hair behind her ear.

"I like to have company," he responded, simply.

"What about the _Avengers?"_ Sadie chuckled, lowering her voice in a slightly mocking tone.

"I like your company," Steve told her, honestly, and she rolled her eyes playfully. "Plus- I think you could do with some, too. Heard you've had a tough week."

Sadie took a deep breath, shaking her head, her posture suddenly becoming slightly defeated. "I'm just lucky I have savings. Otherwise I'd be out of this place in a month... I'm too _'unstable'_ to be a doctor at New York Pres."

"That's total garbage," he said, wondering how anybody could be as stupid as to fire Isadora Moore.

"Well, with all those SHIELD files exposed, they were only going to dig up more dirt on me to prove their case if I took it any further," Sadie sighed.

"What kind of dirt?"

"When I first got my powers, I was reckless with them," Sadie explained. "I tried anything and everything, pushed myself to my absolute limits- most times under SHIELD supervision but... I got arrogant more than the one time. Tried one too many things and the result was catastrophic, to say the least."

"You wanna talk about it?" Steve asked her, eager to take some of that burden off her shoulders, wondering what on earth could have gone wrong.

"You could just read the files," she shrugged, but Sadie didn't look at him as she said it.

"Do you want me to?" He questioned, scanning her face, despite her attempt to hide it. Her expression said it all. "Then, I won't."

Steve was telling the truth- he wouldn't look for it, and he wouldn't read it. She would tell him when she wanted to, if she _needed_ to. And in that moment, Sadie looked so devastated, that Steve was more concerned with doing anything to make her smile that contagious grin she had. Even if it meant embarrassing himself.

"Hey, you won't believe what they have me doing to make up for going 'off the rails'," he offered, after a moment's silence.

"What?" Sadie asked him, glancing over with an eyebrow raised.

"They got me in a damn birthday costume, making films for kids," he told her, and immediately there it was- that smile. He continued on, puffing out his chest dramatically. "Hi, I'm _Captain America,_ and I'm going to tell you about the mightiest enemy I've ever faced... _tooth decay!"_

Sadie began to laugh loudly, placing a hand on her stomach. _"Tooth decay?"_

"Tooth decay," Steve confirmed, and he couldn't help but laugh at himself. "God, it's awful. If I have to talk about teenager's bodies changing one more time, I don't know what I'll do. And I can't believe millions of people are going to watch those."

"Hey, I expect to see a full DVD in my mailbox the _day_ it comes out," Sadie said, before gasping dramatically and placing a hand on his chest. "Oh, _Captain America!_ Would you sign the disk for me? I'm a _huge_ fan!"

"Why, anything for a fellow patriot! As long as the marker is red, white, or blue!"

The two continued like so, throwing joking dialogue back and forth, Sadie playing the role of adoring fan and Steve playing off a caricature of himself. They continued laughing and laughing and laughing until their bellies hurt. And by time the jokes were finally milked dry, Sadie was laying on the floor, having completely collapsed due to laughter. Steve figures they both knew it wasn't as funny as they found it, but it felt good to laugh b

Sadie still lay there on the tiles as she said: "Man, call a code blue, 'cause I'm _dying."_

"C'mon, up you get," Steve said, pulling her up as he stood and grabbed the oven gloves on the counter, taking the dish out of the oven.

"Grab us some plates out of that cabinet on the left," Sadie instructed, and he did so, before spotting some vegetables laying on a chopping board. Sadie seemed to notice them too, as she put a hand to her head. "I was supposed to steam those."

"I'll do it, don't worry," Steve shrugged, washing his hands. "You just lay the table and put the TV on."

Sadie looked at him skeptically. "Something tells me even if I say no, you'll do it anyway."

"Correct," he said, and she laughed, rolling her eyes and taking off her apron.

Then, they fell into what would look from the outside like a routine, and for some reason, Steve felt like he'd done this a million times before- laughing and joking with her, spending casual time together- it felt way too natural to be true.

And when they settled down on the couch later, Steve with a coffee, and Sadie with a hot chocolate, blankets over their laps and game shows on the TV, he couldn't help but wonder something. Was he finally getting a taste of life in the 21st century? Without SHIELDs missions, and aliens in the sky, was he finally understanding what it was like to relax with a friend, without looking over his shoulder, without the constant reminders of who he was, and how he didn't belong?

Then he thought about all of the people from his past, the men he fought with, the people he grew up with, his family, his friends, Bucky, Peggy...

And he felt guilty that he could enjoy this time when they couldn't. He'd been given so many years, and he wasn't sure if they were deserved.

"Hey," Sadie's soft voice snapped Steve out of his thoughts. "Whatever it is you're thinking about? Don't. I can practically hear the cogs turning in your brain."

"It's not that simple," he sighed.

"Then will you say what you're thinking?" She asked him, and her eyes were genuine. "Talking about it might be a weight off your shoulders."

"You sure you wanna know?" Steve asked her, and she held his gaze with surety. "I know I've spent years here, in this century. But it's just strange, the fact that I'm even alive. When it gets quiet it's all I can think about- out of all the people I knew, it's just me, and Bucky, and Peggy Carter left. And Bucky's not himself, and Peggy's... well, she's aged like anyone would. Like I should've. I'm just... I'm never sure what to make of it all."

Sadie stayed quiet, and Steve wondered if it was wise to offload all of that to her. But then she took a breath, and nodded.

"Well, it was always going to be a culture shock. But you'll figure it out," she told him, and he was grateful that she didn't attempt to relate to the situation like many others would. She just heard him, and acknowledged him, and took his words how they were meant. "You might not know what it all means yet, but you'll figure it out."

Then the game show on the television posed another question about a biological reaction and Sadie called out- _"a product of light independent photosynthesis!"_ before giving herself a tap on the back when the host declared the right answer.

Steve raised an eyebrow and she laughed, gesturing around the apartment to all the potted greens. "I'm a plant momma, as you can see," and he could. It seemed Isadora Moore cared for all things, sentient or otherwise.

~

Sadie woke up from the bright light streaming in through the living room window, and from the pain in her back from the awkward position of how she'd been sleeping. She was still on the couch, and the TV was still on (now showing the morning news) and Steve was still with her, his eyes closed as he breathed deeply.

They must've fallen asleep without realising. By the amount of light in the room, Sadie concluded it must be late morning. That was when she lifted her head, realising how close her and Steve had found themselves through the night. So close in fact, that Sadie had ended up resting her head on his lap, and he had ended up with his arm draped around her.

_God, how embarrassing._ She glanced at the time on the television, not daring to move for fear of waking Steve, to find that it was nearing eleven AM. She looked down at her waist, where Steve's arm was snaked around her, and wondered how she could lift the weight off her stomach, and then lift herself off his lap, all without waking him.

Sadie supposed it was the extra attention she was paying to the area, but suddenly, her stomach was extremely ticklish, and she began to stifle her involuntary laughs as she quivered slightly, gripping the side of the couch to stop her from moving too much. Then there was a loud knock on the door and Steve jumped awake, subsequently letting go of her and she sat up, finally free to giggle at the residual ticklishness.

But Steve wasn't laughing. His eyes darted around the apartment, his posture only relaxed when he seemed to realise there was no immediate threat. He yawned, running a hand through his messy hair before scratching his head and blinking slowly as he looked at her. Sadie resisted the urge to squeeze his cheeks.

"Did I really fall asleep here?" He asked, clearly just as embarrassed as she was. "I am _so_ sorry, Sadie."

"It's fine," she answered, and she was suddenly aware of her morning breath, so she stood up, increasing the distance between them. The knock on the door sounded again. "The bathroom is just around the corner- I don't have a spare toothbrush but there's mouthwash and tons of floss you can use until you get a chance to brush later."

"Who's at the door?"

"It'll probably be a delivery," she told him, and he nodded, before standing too. Something told her he wasn't about to move until he was sure it was only a delivery waiting on the other side of the door. Something panged in Sadie's heart at the sight of Steve, standing firm, so used to a life of danger that he was constantly on guard.

She knew the only thing to calm him would be confirmation that everything was fine, so Sadie made her way over to the apartment door. Catching sight of herself in the reflection of the refrigerator as she went, Sadie was surprised to see she didn't look as hellish as usual. But then she hardly had any space to toss and turn that night.

She opened the door to find nobody there, instead she found two boxes on the floor in the hall. The first was small, with a transparent top so she could see four dark coloured macarons inside, and a red ribbon around it, with a small white envelope attached.

"Yeah, just a couple packages," Sadie called over her shoulder, and- in her peripheral- saw Steve finally dragging his feet in the direction of the bathroom. She turned her attention to the second box; larger and heavier.

When she picked the boxes up, she noticed it was printed with bold silver letters across the front: _Stark Industries._ Frowning, Sadie kicked the door shut and brought the boxes into the apartment, placing them on the kitchen counter.

They didn't look like they were sent together, so she opened the envelope attached to the sweet treats and read the inside. The card carried the New York Presbyterian logo at the top right corner, and the template for a letter with the address and other information of the hospital, but the message it's m was handwritten, and obnoxiously large capital letters were in the centre of the sheet.

_HOPE YOU'RE DOING ALRIGHT._   
_IF IT HELPS AT ALL, I WANTED TO KEEP YOU. AT THE HOSPITAL. WITH ME._   
_-YOUR BENNY._

Sadie rolled her eyes. If this was sent two years ago, that sort of ambiguous message from Benjamin Wyatt would have set her brain reeling as she tried to understand just what he meant by his phrasing. Now, though, it made her sick. Besides, if he had really wanted her to stay, he would've supported her in that board room, instead of playing shark.

Tossing the box aside, she moved over to the Stark Industries box, and her attempt to open it was interrupted by the voice of a digital assistant, and blue projection with subtitles of the words spoken.

_"Please identify yourself with your full name, title and previous job role in order to open this package."_

"Um, Doctor Isadora-Michelle Moore," she started. "I was Chief of Medicine at New York Presbyterian Hospital, and Medical Consultant for SHIELD."

The box opened automatically, the lid sliding off in the most satisfying way. Inside, was a shiny new stethoscope, and a black pair of scrubs with a small Stark logo embroidered above the right breast. Sadie picked up the letter attached, reading the words in shock.

_Doctor Isadora M Moore,_

_Congratulations! Due to your renowned talent, ambition and drive, we at Stark Industries have heard about your exceptional work in the medical world. As a result, your application for the role of 'Chief of Medical Innovations" has passed the initial stages, and we now invite you for interview._

_Please wear the personal protective equipment enclosed when you arrive, as the interview process is an active one, in order to showcase to us how well you fit the role._

_Your interview will take place on Monday May 5th, at a 10:00 am start. A car shall pick you up at 9:00 am and bring you to our lab._

_Once again, congratulations on coming this far!_

_-Stark Industries Human Resources Team._

Slowly putting down the letter, Sadie picked up the scrub shirt enclosed in the box, and held it out in front of her. How on earth had Stark Industries gotten her resumé? How did they even know she was available for the role? Was it Fury? Was it Adrianne? God forbid it was Wyatt, or anyone from New York Pres.

"You been shopping?" Steve said from the other side of the room. He looked at lot more fresh faced now, she noticed as she looked up at him. Then she flipped the scrub shirt around so the front was facing him. He raised his eyebrows at the logo.

"Apparently I have an interview at Stark Industries. May 5th."

"That's fantastic!" Steve looked happier than she was. Then he seemed to notice her expression and frowned. "Isn't it?"

"I didn't apply. I didn't even know they did 'Medical Innovations,'" Sadie said, and Steve's smile faded completely as he walked over, taking the letter she handed to him. She thought about the interview and what it might entail, before having a thought. "Oh my god, d'you think _Pepper Potts_ will be there?"

"Why, you nervous?" Steve teased and she laughed. "Honestly, probably not, I've heard she's a busy woman."

"She is just so inspirational, I think I'd faint- I would literally faint if I ever saw her," Sadie admitted, before smiling cheekily. "Hey, maybe she sends that partner of hers to do the little jobs."

"Who, Tony? Nah, we have a meeting that day anyway, trying to figure out what to do about the remaining HYDRA strongholds-"

"Wow, that went right over your head, huh?" Sadie laughed, as Steve gave her a confused frown, before she added: "I'm gonna be honest- for some reason, I can't see you sitting in a meeting room in a suit and tie, Cap."

"Trust me, Doc, I've been in one too many of those rooms," he answered. "But I leave the suit and ties to Stark."

She bit her lip, glancing back down at her stethoscope and began to feel nerves in her stomach at the prospect of the 'active tasks' mentioned in the interview invite. Whatever could that mean, and how could she possibly prepare?

Steve apparently noticed her anxiousness, because he nudged her slightly and she looked up at him, his expression reassuring. "It'll probably just be like any other interview."

"I hope so," she sighed, placing the scrubs back in the box. "I'm just more used to clinical work over research."

"Listen, you'll be fine," Steve told her, encouragingly. "You're a brilliant doctor and you're certainly innovative. And if it doesn't work out then I'm sure there'll be plenty other opportunities rolling into your lap."

Sadie smiled at his kindness, before catching another glimpse of the macarons Wyatt had sent, sitting on the counter just beside them. Steve looked over at the box too, and she watched his eyes scan over the large-lettered note. There was silence for a moment, until she decided to break it.

"D'you want them?" she asked him, simply. For some reason, Sadie felt nervous for his reaction. He was still gazing at the note.

Then Steve looked at her and shrugged her casually, his expression unreadable. "They're a bit too fancy for my taste."

Sadie mirrored his shrug, picking up the macarons and walking over to the trash, dumping the entire box, and the note with it. "Got no use for 'em then, do we?"

Steve looked like he was holding back a smile, but Sadie spotted the corners of his lips turn up slightly as he cocked an eyebrow. "Guess we don't."

~

Calling the Stark Industries building a "lab" was one of the greatest understatements Sadie had ever heard in her life. It was the equivalent of calling New York City a 'small town' or saying South Africa was only a 'short trip' away. The structure looked almost as big as the New York Presbyterian from the outside, and that had made Sadie's nerves even worse. It took her back to her first day of intern year, when she has gotten lost with a patient when delivering them to the OR floor. She was just lucky that wasn't an emergency surgery.

As Sadie waited in the lobby, she remembered what Adrianne had told her that morning, when she had turned up with good coffee, good love, and good advice: _"Focus on the chair you're sat in, or the ground beneath your feet. Remember that you are still on Earth."_

Of course, Adrianne was always the one to give her such reminders- having suffered from years of anxiety, the surgeon was an expert on how to deal with this sort of thing. Sadie took a moment to take her advice, closing her eyes and attempting to breathe slow, steady breaths, until she felt the presence of someone stood in front of her. She looked up to see an East Asian lady of average height, dressed smartly under a lab coat and holding an electronic tablet against her chest.

"Doctor..." The woman glanced down at the tablet. "Isadora Michelle Moore?"

"That's me," Sadie stood in confirmation, shaking the doctor's open hand.

"I'm Doctor Helen Cho. Walk with me." Sadie complied, and as they walked, she wracked her brain for where she had heard the name before. Cho continued to speak. "You have an impressive resumé, Moore. Medical school at Stanford, years volunteering abroad, heading up some of the most important cases at New York Pres _and_ working with SHIELD for four years..."

"Yes," Sadie admitted, sheepishly. The truth was, she felt her career was in tattles, but this woman was holding her up in such high regard, she felt unworthy of it. This feeling was never a problem before.

"And you are _extremely_ young for what you've accomplished. Early graduate?" Doctor Cho asked and she nodded.

"High school a year early and pre-med was accelerated," Sadie explained, attempting to upkeep her air of confidence. She wasn't sure it was working.

"I've heard you can diagnose cases that hundreds of other doctors couldn't crack."

"I like a good puzzle," Sadie smiled, and the woman beside her laughed. Then it dawned on Sadie who she was speaking to. "I have to say Doctor Cho, it's really all nothing compared to what you do. I truly admire your research in Seoul."

"Thanks," a moment of awkward silence as Sadie's mind reeled. "You can just ask me you know," Cho said, simply, as they stopped outside an elevator. "I can tell you're wondering why the leader of U-Gin is interviewing you for a Stark Industries position."

"The thought did cross my mind, I'll admit," Sadie chuckled.

"U-Gin have formed a partnership with Stark Industries to combine our breakthroughs and attempt to further carve our places as global medical tech giants," Cho explained. "Stark needs us, as they're fairly new to their ventures into medicine, and we need them to reach some of our goals. The position we're interviewing you for is Chief of Medical Innovations- a bridge between the gap of here and Seoul, if you will."

"That sounds amazing," Sadie said, almost at a loss for words as they entered the elevator.

Doctor Cho pressed the button for the seventh floor and instantly they were on their way up in the transparent elevator, as Sadie marvelled at all of the work that was going on in each of the floors.

"This interview will have three stages. First, we want to see how you interact with patients, and participants alike. Next, we'll give you data and information for a study and we'll give you thirty minutes to analyse it, before the final stage, which will be the presentation on said data. Show us what your most innovative approach for treatment is," Cho explained, before looking Sadie right in the eye. "If you impress us, Doctor Moore, you'll be at the birth of something beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! hope you all enjoyed this chapter- a good bit of Stadie fluff as well as quite a bit of plot progression!! I know it might seem hella soon for Sadie to already be receiving potential job opportunities but essentially I wanted to put this in fairly quickly to show you guys what an established physician she is, to the point where she's well known even by Dr Cho, who we know is absolutely amazing and kicks ass!!! So excited to write more of her interactions with Sadie!!
> 
> thanks for reading!  
> -Amber


	9. Rare Wisdom, Tiny Language

**"S** o, from a genetic standpoint," Sadie explained to Adrianne, who sat on the couch opposite her, eating ice cream at an alarmingly fast rate. "The method that's being tried is one using the lentivirus to deliver a healthy copy of the CFTR gene, then the patient's cystic fibrosis could be treated via gene therapies in the form of inhaling an inactive version of the virus."

"That's a huge advancement in itself," Adrianne said, through a mouthful of Ben & Jerry's.

"Yeah, But at Stark, they are not stopping there- they're looking into ways that they can do this without the virus," Sadie continued on, unable to keep the excitement off her face. "Meaning they could pull down the side effect rate to 0.00001 percent! And I gotta say, the data looks like they're getting real close."

Sadie was still buzzing from her time spent at Stark Industries three days ago, and when she'd answered her apartment door to find Adrianne waiting patiently with a bag full of supplies, she was never more happy to see her friend, and tell her about all the amazing things she had seen. Adrianne herself had claimed to be happy to be there as, having left the kids with her husband Luca, they could use this time to pamper themselves. And they had all the essentials: facials and massage and classic romantic comedies and ice cream.

She wasn't sure how well she had done at the interview, she had no way of guessing since the presentation panel all wore poker faces, and there was no hints afterwards.

"That is actually insane," Adrianne responded, with just as much enthusiasm as Sadie felt. "If they keep going, they might just make a world where we don't even need doctors."

"That's the aim, right?" Sadie replied, before her mind drifted elsewhere. "How is everything at the hospital?"

"I thought you said you weren't going to ask anymore," Adrianne reminded her, and she rolled her eyes.

"Isn't a girl allowed to ask how her bestie's career is going?" Sadie challenged, with her best cheeky smile before she smoothed her sheet mask onto her face, revelling in the coolness and the smell of rose.

"My career is going the same as always. Thriving!" Adrianne's sing-songy voice would have made Sadie laugh, if she wasn't determined not to move a muscle until the mask was properly set in place. "But we both know you're not asking about that."

"Just tell me the worst of it," Sadie spoke like a ventriloquist.

On the screen in front of them Rachel McAdams was being wooed by yet another gorgeous Hollywood man, but Sadie was less watching the movie and more watching her phone. She had been told by Dr Cho that she would hear back from Stark Industries within three working days. Today was the fourth since her interview. So, Sadie didn't think it was unreasonable for her to ask about the hospital, and keep her mind anywhere else besides waiting for that phone to ring.

"There's nothing bad to tell," Adrianne shrugged. "I mean, Wyatt is a pain, and I still haven't gotten used to seeing him in your seat at meetings, but his residents are doing fine."

Sadie stayed quiet, and as she watched the amnesiac protagonist n the television get lost on a short trip out, she felt that she could relate somehow.

"Also he kept asking about you, so I told him you're taken," Adrianne added, and Sadie gasped. "You're welcome."

"When did you tell him that?" Sadie cringed. Benjamin Wyatt was not the type to value loyalty in his own relationships, let alone her fictitious ones, so Sadie imagined that this would only make him interfere with her life even more.

Her suspicions were only confirmed when Adrianne answered, "Like a while ago. When you were in DC."

That explained the macarons and the accusations of 'Nightingale Syndrome' in the boardroom. Mixed messages, sure, but that's how Wyatt worked, the meddling bastard.

That was when Sadie's phone pinged, a simple notification. Then again, and again and again. She shot up from her lounging position, reaching for her phone on the end table. Once she reached it, she lay on her stomach, squinting her eyes at the messages on her phone. Some from her ex-residents, some from colleagues and medical contacts, some from old friends from medical school.

Sadie frowned, confused as Adrianne asked what it was. "Everyone's saying congratulations."

"About what?"

New York Presbyterian's Chief Resident, Sarah McCoy, was the only one who had bothered to explain. Her text included a link, and when Sadie clicked on it, it redirected her to the Stark Industries website.

The headline of the article was bold against the background, Meet Our Newest Medical Innovator: Doctor Isadora Moore. Sadie let out a girlish squeal of excitement, no longer caring about the positioning of her face mask, and instantly forwarded the link to Adrianne. Sure enough, a moment later, her best friend squealed as well, as they both leapt up in unison.

"Dr Isadora Moore is a powerhouse in medical diagnostics," Adrianne began to read as Sadie pretended to bow to an adoring crowd. " _After graduating from Stanford University at the top of her cohort, Dr Moore gained an internship at New York Presbyterian Hospital, and continued her professional development there past attending status as Chief of Medicine. But beyond that, she has embarked on important research studied by medical students worldwide, written several books and and volunteered as a medical aid for two years serving in Afghanistan and Libya-_ and it goes on and on- just packed full of praise for you, Sadie!"

"I gotta call my mom," Sadie said, calling her number at the nursing home with shaky hands. It took a few rings, but eventually her mom picked up, and asked who it was. "Mom, it's Sadie."

"Sadie?" Her mother's voice was full of confusion, reminding her that she had to slow down so as to not disorientate her.

"Isadora," she clarified and her mother tutted.

"Isadora-Michelle," Shan corrected, and Sadie couldn't help but smile. "If you're going to shorten it, make it Shelly, it's prettier."

"Yes, Mom," Sadie said, unable to contain her grin. "But, guess who managed to land themselves an amazing new job?"

"A new job?" Her mom questioned, her smile audible. "My girl Shell?"

"Yes," Sadie laughed, as Adrianne handed her a glass of champagne which had apparently appeared out of thin air. "And it's better pay than what I had before, which means I can get a house within the next two years, and hire the help we need, and you can move back in with me!"

"Oho! That would be wonderful darl'," her mother said with a laugh in her voice. "Now, hand the phone to your sister, I've missed her."

"Savannah, uh... isn't home," Sadie explained, her smile falling. Adrianne gave her an encouraging smile. "Mom, I'll stop by tomorrow, okay?"

"You better," Shan warned, playfully, and Sadie was laughing again. "Love you, baby girl."

Then the line clicked off, and Adrianne continued with her loud celebration, turning music on and making it awfully loud. Sadie's phone lit up again with another text, this time from a unknown number she'd deleted from her contacts a long time ago, but still recognised. Wyatt's text made her heart jump out of habit- but she immediately forced down the feeling, reminding herself why she had left him in the first place.

**UNKNOWN**   
_congrats babe._

**UNKNOWN**   
_how about I take you someplace nice to celebrate?_

Sadie pretended to gag and ignored the message, as she began to sway around and opened up a chat with someone else entirely, before sending her own enthusiastic text:

**SADIE**   
_I got the job!!!!!!!!! Thank you for the encouragement, it helped a lot xx_

After that, she joined in the dancing with her best friend, as Rachel McAdams found a ride home on the television, and as they laughed and danced; a weight was finally lifted off of Sadie's shoulders.

Her phone vibrated once more, and she had a quick look to read the text message gleaming on the screen.

**STEVE**   
_I knew you had it in you._

Sadie held the phone to her chest as her smile grew even wider.

~

"I mean, I'm really glad for you," Natasha said, before taking a bite out of her croissant.

The red haired agent had turned up at Sadie's apartment that morning, offering breakfast as a congratulatory gesture for the new job she'd landed that week. Natasha had explained that it was the least she could do after Sadie had healed her gunshot wound. Sadie knew better than to ask how she got her address. It was, after all, going to be a short breakfast as Nat had 'places to go, people to see' and Sadie was sure the topic of espionage would take the entirety of their time.

"Thanks," Sadie smiled, residual excitement still rushing through her veins. She took a sip of her drink. Sadie had ordered peach iced tea, Natasha had ordered black coffee, no sugar, and had mixed in a dash of some alcoholic beverage she kept in a flask.

"Steve was super excited when he heard the news," Nat added, with a smirk. "Jumped up like his team had scored a point, right in the middle of a _serious talk_ about HYDRA."

"Well, he's sweet like that," Sadie shrugged, and Natasha immediately cocked an eyebrow.

"Not a lot of people would call Steve Rogers 'sweet'," she told her. "You saw him on that highway."

"Well, it's not everyday that you get attacked by a near army, is it?" Sadie said. They sat on a table outside of the café they'd ordered from, the hustle and bustle of the city right by their side.

"It is for us," Nat said, and there wasn't a hint of sarcasm in her voice as she raised her coffee to her lips. "Speaking of being attacked, you decided what to do with those powers of yours?"

"What I've always done," Sadie responded, simply.

"Pretend they don't exist?" Natasha teased and Sadie rolled her eyes, trying not to crack a smile. The woman opposite her was so blunt it was almost funny. "You know, with some training, you could mould that power into the perfect defensive weapon. You'd never need anyone to save you from anything."

"I've had my share of training. A lifetime ago," Sadie sighed, remembering her early days at SHIELD, when they'd been trying to understand what she was. Weeks spent attempting different skills until they concluded that it was mimicry, and couldn't be defined. "And it didn't lead to anything good."

And there it was, that look on Natasha's face. She knew. And Sadie's suspicions were only confirmed when the agent said, "Yeah... I read the files."

"Then you gotta understand, Natasha," Sadie sighed. "Why I'd rather live a quiet life- only use these powers in emergencies. To _help_ in conflict, instead of being a part of it, or a cause of it."

"So, you wanna settle, huh?" Natasha said, tossing her recently cut red bob into a rough side parting, the loose curls framing her face. "Got anyone special in mind?"

"The only guy that seems to want to take me out is my ex, who broke my heart and stole my job," Sadie laughed, and Nat shook her head, tutting in annoyance.

It bothered Sadie so much that her heart still hurt when she thought about Benjamin, and how much she had loved him. She thought about his text earlier in the week, and the gift he'd sent before that, her mind wondering what on earth he could want. But then Sadie caught herself thinking that way, and pushed it to the back of her mind.

"Well, Chief of Medical Innovations at Stark- who's laughing now?" Natasha asked, and Sadie smiled, sadly.

"How about the Chief of Medicine at New York Pres?"

"Regardless, you got better pay, better vacations and a better reputation. Plus your job title sounds way cooler," Natasha told her, and Sadie was inclined to agree. "Besides, there's plenty of fellas who could treat you way better than he did."

"I don't know," Sadie smiled. "It's a pretty open wound. I got lousy taste in guys. But I guess I just gotta find the good ones."

"Honestly, Moore?" Natasha said, with a grin. "They're usually a lot closer than you think."

Sadie didn't let herself ponder that for too long.

~

It was a sobering reminder to Steve, as it always was, visiting Peggy. A reminder of the time that was both given to him, and stolen from him. He was never sure whether to thank the Lord that he was still young, or get angry, and let Him know how he felt about the whole thing.

He decided it's better to keep quiet and see how fate plays out. He tried to have faith in what Isadora had said to him months before, when he'd embarrassingly spent the night in her gorgeous apartment. Tried to have faith that he'd figure it out.

Steve didn't try to explain what had happened to SHIELD to Peggy; the first time he had, it had broken her heart, he could tell, that all her life's work had been crumbled from the inside out. And that look on her face- hated himself for thinking it, but he was glad when her memory reset itself and she forgot the horror of reality. As a result he'd started the conversation again and never mentioned it.

"I think I've settled in alright," Steve told Peggy, as she smiled up at him from her hospital bed. It was true, he'd settled in best he could, he thought. Of course, for Peggy each time she saw him was like the first time, so it was an awful game of catch up before their time was up. "Made myself some friends. A soldier, and an agent, and a doctor- a couple doctors actually- and a whole team of colleagues I get along with. Even Howard's kid."

Yes, Steve had good and properly warmed up to Tony despite their differences, especially these last few months as he and the rest of the Avengers had been working more closely and storming HYDRA strongholds. The work, despite its importance, was definitely easier and lower stakes than an alien invasion of the planet, or impending genocide via helicarrier. Steve almost couldn't recognise himself when he caught himself thinking about it all like another day at the office.

"I'm so glad," Peggy's voice was frail and soft. Nothing like the commanding tone she used to use. "You deserve some company that isn't lying in a sick bed, and ancient."

"Hell, Peggy I'm as ancient as anything," he chuckled, before adding earnestly, "And you look just the same to me."

She didn't point out that that was a blatant lie, because she knew what he meant. She always knew exactly what he meant. That she was just as special now as she was the day he'd met her, regardless of what her opinion of herself was. Steve hated that she thought of herself the way she did; he thought that age was beautiful on her.

"It's a shame I don't have my lippy, in that case," Peggy said, half-jokingly. "Pop of red might've brought the look together."

"I can get you some for next time I visit," Steve offered, and he meant it. Maybe it would be mortifying to ask, but perhaps Natasha could help him find something in that matched the old red Peggy used to like. Or actually, Isadora was less likely to make fun of him, but he didn't want to bother her with how busy she ought to be, settling into her new job and all.

Or maybe he'd just ask a store clerk, one of those nonchalant teens who are nowhere near as happy to have jobs as kids were in his day.

"No, I stopped wearing it a long time ago. My hands are too shaky, and they don't manufacture the one I liked," Peggy answered, her shoulders barely lifting in a little shrug. "So you've got yourself friends, but have you got yourself a _girl?"_

"I don't need a girl," Steve replied, maybe all too quickly. But it wasn't a lie. "I got you, don't I?"

He always thought, if he survived the war, he'd spend his life with Peggy Carter- make her Carter-Rogers, settle down with a white picket fence. He'd carried her little photograph on every mission so that, if his time came, he could see her face. Steve loved her. It was a love that transcended distance then, and now transcended time. This spitfire woman who told the world _yes_ when it had told her _no_ over and over.

"You won't always have me," Peggy said, and he sighed. Steve knew he would lose her. Any day now. She took his hand, sitting up as best she could, which was to say, not at all in the end. "But if there's anyone on this earth with a heart big enough for two, it's you."

Steve didn't think he had a heart bigger than any other man, and even if he had- this was the first time he was home for longer than spending a couple nights at Avengers Tower in months. Stark had decided they all would take a belated summer break for a couple weeks. But still, Steve was hardly the most emotionally available person in New York City.

His conversation with Peggy was running out of time, and she seemed to know it too. When Steve left, the air was dry, and summer was well and truly dying. It was already September, and soon the rain would hit sporadically, and the leaves had already begun yellowing, pirouetting from their branches.

Steve never liked the coming of winter- maybe it had been conditioned into him from childhood, when each year somebody would contract some horrific infection and it would spread like wildfire throughout New York. He would hear of kids passing from the rattle in their lungs, not dissimilar to the rattle in his own. He'd wonder when it would be him, or Bucky, or Bucky's sister, and then one year, the unexpected had happened- Steve's own mother died instead. He had been so close to dying too, but Bucky had dragged him through it by tooth and nail, refusing to leave his side.

Bucky... What had their lives become?

Based on age alone, and the cards he was dealt growing up, Steve should have been dead at least thirty years ago.

He stumbled across a sign for a pop-up farmer's market in Central that afternoon, and decided he would browse the fresh produce and baked goods- attempt to fill his empty cabinets. He usually only shopped enough for a couple of days at a time, knowing that with his hectic schedule, he could be out of his apartment for weeks at a time.

Steve was minding his own business when he felt a gentle tug on his chinos, and looked down to see a small boy who he recognised as Jacob Valentina staring up at him. Jacob's face was open in a wide smile that made Steve grin too, as the little boy held his tiny fist up to him. Of course, Steve complied, tapping his own fist against Jacob's gently. The kid looks extremely happy at that.

Almost immediately following came Isadora Moore, rushing after the little boy and crouching next to him, still not noticing Steve. Sophia Valentina trailed behind, some sort of pink games console in her hands.

"Jake, what'd I say about running off like that?" Sadie laughed, as she fussed over the five year old, and Steve couldn't help the fond smile on his face. "I'm so sorry Sir, he's a little-" she looked up at last, a little surprised to see him as she stood, picking up Jacob and holding him on her hip. "-overactive. Fancy seeing you here, Captain Rogers!"

"Pleasure to see you too, Doctor Moore," Steve replied, mirroring Isadora's playful formal tone. The woman before him looked radiant, dressed in a white sundress with little cherries embroidered in the cotton, her hair up in two curly poufs. Steve wanted to tell her how well she was looking, but was promptly interrupted.

"Hey, punchy man," Sophia spoke up from Sadie's side, finally looking up from her game.

"Hey, Sophia," Steve replied, and Sadie looked at him quizzically raising one eyebrow. "Don't ask," he added upon seeing the woman's expression.

"I'd throw my hands up, but they're full," Sadie laughed, before frowning slightly and shaking her head. "Sorry, that joke was terrible, I can do better than that- we were gonna go take ten on the grass. I don't know if you're done with your shopping but you're welcome to join."

Steve wasn't done with his shopping, but he figured a little break wouldn't do any harm, and he wanted to savour some of the sunshine before it disappeared for the next half year. By way of reply, he picked up her shopping bags for her and she thanked him, before they headed over to the grass. Sadie finally set Jacob down and he rushed over to play with some of the other boys his age.

"So you're on babysitting duty, huh?" Steve asked, helping Sadie lay out a picnic blanket that she'd brought in one of the bags.

Sophia had also gone over to a group of girls her age in the two seconds they hadn't been watching, and was now showing off her console to the group. Steve noted how the Valentina children were so sociable, that they would probably have no problems with all the networking business Tony was always telling him to master. 

"Yeah, Adrianne and her husband Jamie have gone on a city break," Sadie explained as she plopped herself down on the blanket, in a graceless way that made Steve smile. "So I'm playing fairy godmother while they romance in their-" she changed her tone of voice to one that sounded like a playful commercial. _"Californian holiday home!"_

"California, huh?" Steve nodded. He sat beside her, facing the direction of the sun. "Impressive."

"They're both very accomplished," Sadie smiled and there wasn't a trace of envy on her face, just pride. It was refreshing.

Steve glanced over to where Jacob Valentina had ran to, expecting to see the young boy playing with his peers. Instead, Jacob was stood in front of a boy twice his size, who prodded his chest patronisingly, almost knocking the five year old over. But Jacob stood firm, an image Steve had seen a million times before, one that he himself had been a part of- the little guy underestimated.

There was one major difference though. Instead of fighting back, Jacob turned around, picking up an inflatable soccer ball and held it out the the taller boy. A peace offering. The bully knocked it out of his hands. That was when Sadie entered the picture (although Steve hadn't noticed her stand) scooping up Jacob in order to de escalate the situation, and barking something at a woman Steve could only assume was the bully's mother. When she returned with the small boy, there was a hint hurt in Jacob Valentina's face.

"Hey, I think you dealt with that well, Jacob," Steve said, truthfully. Jacob just sat himself down beside Steve in a manner not dissimilar to how Sadie had.

"I _hate_ bullies," Jacob muttered, his voice high in pitch, and quiet, and shy. "But I be nice, 'cause everybody likes nice. And maybe I can give _them_ some nice."

Steve found himself dumbfounded at that. A kind of rare wisdom, in tiny language. Sadie raised her eyebrows at Steve in an expression that said _smart kid_ , as Jacob zoned out of the conversation, instead pulling out toys that peeked out of Sadie's bag and beginning to play with them on the blanket.

"Speaking of bullies," Sadie started, nodding to Steve. "You guys got a lid on HYDRA yet?"

"Almost," he answered. "We're lucky- a lot of their locations are places I've been before but, the whole world looks majorly different than when I first travelled it, so I'm not much help in that respect. Stark though, he can hack into just about anything and get us just about anywhere. We're planning to take down the last base this winter."

"He seems like a wildcard, that Stark."

Steve shrugged, not commenting. She was sure to meet him soon enough; Tony had a way of knowing anyone and everyone. "How's the job going?"

"Oh, I love it," Sadie said, but for some reason, Steve wasn't sure it reached her eyes. Jacob played out a car crash with his toys between them. "It's real different."

"And that's a good thing?" Steve tried, hopefully.

"Yeah, I mean, maybe I could do with a few more patients..." Sadie's voice trailed off in thought. So there it was, there was her problem. A doctor with few patients. "It's just _really_ research based. I kinda miss being handed a desperate case, bringing in my team of residents, spending days, sometimes weeks, looking for clues- and then cracking it. And being able to tell the patient: hey, we know what's wrong. We can help you, now."

God. How hadn't he gotten to know her sooner? Isadora Moore, with her intellect, and her desire to help people hands on. He thought for a moment of what to say.

"Well, I've heard Stark Industries is a great place to grow," Steve told her. "Maybe, given some time, you can take your work in a direction that suits you a little better, while still fulfilling all of those research requirements."

"Huh," Sadie said, as if the thought hadn't occurred to her. "You may be right."

"When am I not?"

"Okay, that's true," Sadie laughed, and he found himself smiling once more. "I suppose Stark gives me a lot more room than the hospital did- approaching things from outside the box. Could be something great."

Then, Sadie leaned back on her elbows, soaking her umber skin in the sun as she kept a close eye on Sophia with her group of friends. Steve mirrored Sadie's position, Jacob still playing in between them as he closed his eyes, embracing the heat and for once not thinking of the cold to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age of Ultron begins next chapter and I'm so excited!!! This chapter is kinda a filler but at least plot progresses with the job and all!! There's also a bit of a time jump in case it wasn't clear, but that's mainly because ordinary life is pretty consistent for Sadie. I also hope you enjoyed seeing more of Sophia and Jacob!!
> 
> Let me know how you're all doing, I love hearing from you!
> 
> -Amber.


	10. Star(k)struck

_ **PART II: Age of Ultron** _

**I** f Isadora knew that working under Helen Cho and Stark Industries would include private appointments in Avengers Tower, she may have reconsidered taking the job offer. It felt far too much like her old 'job' with SHIELD, but then she thought about being able to put down a deposit on a house for herself and her mother, and decided to suck it up.

Even if her only real patients were superheroes who hardly ever needed her, at least the research and medical trials Sadie had been a part of throughout these months pushed her to her limits. And Steve was right- the longer she worked, and the more she proved her competency, the more Dr Cho trusted her with making important calls, and the more Sadie loved her job.

Now, she stood beside Cho and Agent Hill on the landing pad, awaiting the arrival of the Avengers. Sadie didn't know why she felt nervous, and resisted the urge to pick at her nails, instead smoothing down her doctor's coat and black Stark Industries scrubs, and tapping on the ID badge attached to her lapel.

"You said a trauma to the abdomen?" Sadie questioned, and Hill nodded.

"Nothing too serious, I hope," the brunette agent told her. "Agent Clint Barton, also known as-"

"Hawkeye," Sadie finished with a smirk as the Quinjet landed, sending rushes of wind their way. "I know."

"I suppose you don't live under a rock, then," Hill joked, and Sadie laughed falling into step with Dr Cho, as they approached the Quinjet.

Barton was wheeled out on a stretcher, accompanied by Natasha and two Korean paramedics, who addressed Dr Cho directly, as Sadie joined them and they rushed him into the building. She was barely able to catch a glimpse at any of the other heroes still aboard the jet.

"Nice to see ya, Sadie," Natasha said, with a smile, before turning to Barton who lay staring nonchalantly at the ceiling as they moved. "Clint, this is Doctor Moore. She's pretty good, so maybe if you dial back on the jackass a little, she'll fix you."

"In that case, it's a pleasure to meet you, Doc," Barton said, suavely, and Sadie couldn't help but grin.

"Pleasure to meet you too, Mr Hawkeye," she replied, immediately cringing at herself internally. If she was going to act this starstruck to all the others, she'd embarrass herself.

"It's weird seeing you in scrubs," Natasha said, casually.

Sadie raised an eyebrow as they approached the lab, and pressed the brakes on the stretcher after they moved it into an appropriate position. "Says the woman in a leather leotard."

"It's efficient," Natasha shrugged.

"It's also obnoxiously flattering, Romanoff, but I'm sure you knew that already," a voice sounded, and Sadie glanced up at the doorway to find _Tony Stark_ walking casually into the room. She busied herself with helping set up Cho's equipment. "Is he gonna be alright?"

"Most likely," Cho answered, and that seemed to be enough for Stark who shrugged and turned to leave again.

"Tony, baby! Get me a drink, I'm thirsty," Clint called after him, in a joking tone. The archer was surprisingly energetic for a wounded patient.

"It's done!" Tony replied as he left, and Sadie caught a snippet of his conversation with a dark haired man who she didn't recognise. _"...Unfortunately, he's still Barton."_

"I'm just going to take your vitals, make sure your body is complying with our equipment," Sadie said, plugging her stethoscope into her ears.

She leaned over to listen to Clint's heart rate, before adjusting the settings of the equipment to compliment it. Sadie was quite familiar with Cho's inventions considering how closely she'd worked with the geneticist, so it was fairly easy for her to fall into the routine of using it.

"This is all _amazing,"_ the dark haired man from earlier said from behind her. When Sadie took a moment to glance up at him as she typed in the numbers to the software, she noticed he wore a doctor's coat just like her. "How long did it take in development?"

"Years," Dr Cho answered, confidently. "And we're still adapting it everyday. Doctor Moore, here, has actually played a huge part in leading our human trials here in the US."

Sadie glanced up from her computer, somewhat surprised to hear her name mentioned at all in this conversation. The man offered a hand to her, and she shook it briefly, smiling politely.

"Bruce Banner," he said, and she nodded in recognition. It made sense, why she never recognised him. In all the news coverage from the Battle of New York, he was green.

"Isadora-Michelle Moore," she answered and Natasha snorted.

"That's a mouthful," Barton piped up from the stretcher in front of them, wearing a playful smirk.

"Blame my dad. Most people stick to Sadie," she answered with a laugh- it wasn't the first time her name had been poked fun at, she'd learned it's better to laugh at yourself than take it to heart.

"I gotta say, Doctor Moore," Banner continued. "I've heard a lot about you over the past few years- your work is really impressive."

"Thanks, I-"

"You sure he's gonna be okay?" Natasha interrupted, above the buzzing sound of the nanotechnology that worked on Clint's abdomen. "Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together."

"There's no possibility of deterioration," Cho said, by way of answer. "The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don't know they're bonding with simulacrum."

"Essentially," Sadie added, upon noticing the confusion on Barton's face. She attempted to put it into simpler terms, without being insulting. "We're projecting an image onto the wound, and speeding up the cell division, so that it uses the image as a template. That's what's healing you."

"They're creating tissue," Banner said, complete awe in his voice.

"No," Sadie said, gesturing to her boss. "Dr Cho is. I'm just helping. And believe it or not, this isn't even the best she can do."

"Doctor Moore's just being humble, she's done more than just 'help'," Cho said, kindly. "But she's right about one thing. If you brought him to my lab, the Regeneration Cradle could do this in twenty minutes."

"Oh, he's flatlining, call it," Sadie turned to see Tony Stark entering once more, a tray of drinks in his hand as he placed it on the worktop. Stark, it seemed, had a way of announcing himself so all attention fell on him. Sadie found it surprisingly charming, but bit back her laugh for professionalism. "Time?"

"No, no, no. I'm gonna live forever," Clint's speech was slightly slurred and tired as he took a drink from Tony. A typical side effect, Sadie acknowledged. "I'm gonna be made of plastic."

Sadie wondered if the agent had even heard a word of what they had explained. Or if he had heard, but hadn't _listened_ to the medical jargon.

"You'll be made of you, Mr. Barton," Cho replied, a small smile on her face. "Your own girlfriend won't be able to tell the difference."

"Well, I don't have a girlfriend."

"That I can't fix," Cho replied in a matter-of-fact tone that made Sadie smile. "This is the next thing, Tony. Your clunky metal suits are going to be left in the dust."

"Well, that is exactly the plan," Tony responded, firmly, but not unkindly. He oozed a charisma that Sadie couldn't help but admire. "And Hill and I expect to see you at the party on Saturday. Bring your intern, too."

It took Sadie a moment to realise that 'intern' meant her. She cocked her head to the side, looking Tony directly in the eye.

"That's incredibly poor taste, Mr Stark," Sadie said, still not lowering her gaze even when the billionaire raised his eyebrows at her.

"Alright, I like this one!" Tony held up his hand for a high five but Sadie didn't comply, instead just tucking her hair behind her ear and raising an eyebrow. He dropped his hand. "Fine then, no high-five for you," he added, as if it was his call. "Interns aren't usually so bold-"

"Not an intern," Sadie interrupted, but a smile peeked through despite her best efforts to conceal it. "Chief of Medical Innovations at _your_ company, actually."

"I didn't know that position was open- did anyone know that position was open?" In what Sadie now recognised to be true Tony Stark fashion, he spoke again before anyone could answer. "Who hired you, anyway?"

"Uh... Human Resources?" Sadie responded, trying not to sound too confused. She failed.

"Yeah, but who really hired you?"

"I don't... actually know," Sadie admitted, frowning to herself. When she'd taken the job, she was in such a desperate position that she hadn't thought twice about it. Tony's question, and the fact that she couldn't answer it, woke her up to that fact.

"Definitely an intern," Tony shrugged.

"I hired her," Cho spoke up, tapping on her tablet. "And she's most certainly not an intern- Hill wrote one heck of a recommendation and her resumé is phenomenal. I've sent you both, for good measure."

"I'm hoping it's impressive," Tony said, and Sadie shrugged.

"It is," she said, with as much confidence as she could muster. Sadie was a big believer in fake it 'till you make it.

"But anyway, unlike you, Tony, I don't have a lot of time for parties," Cho said, before glancing down at her tablet. A moment of hesitation. "Will... Thor be there?"

"I think you're okay here, so I'm just gonna go put a few things on file," Sadie said to Cho, quickly. She didn't want to leave the awkward in the air for a moment longer, and so she left the room, wandering down the corridors near the lab.

Sadie continued her work as she walked, logging Barton's patient report on her tablet, and calculating extra data they may need. It wasn't long though, before she ran into a strong arm outstretched in front of her, a white wall only a couple inches away from her face. She would have walked right into it. Mortified, she looked over at Steve who stood to her right, placing both hands on her shoulders and brushing off her coat.

"You should really watch where you're walking," Steve said, his blue eyes bright as a smile played on his lips. He was still in his uniform, and it took Sadie a moment to realise she was staring.

"Well, when I've got my own personal knight in... red, white and blue- I don't have to worry about hurting myself," Sadie joked, glancing back at his face as he dropped his hands, and leaned against the wall behind him.

She noticed a cut just above his navy collar, no doubt from the mission he'd just returned from. Without thinking, Sadie reached over to get a closer look, raising her right hand up and over it, letting it glow as it hovered over the wound.

"I was... just gonna let it... on its own," Steve muttered, his voice low and quiet beside her ear, but she shushed him gently and he closed his eyes, as the wound knitted itself together.

"All better," Sadie whispered, noticing that Steve's hands were on her upper arms, holding her steady. "Does it feel better?"

He opened his eyes, and she realised she was close enough to smell his aftershave, and the Sokovian snow from his earlier travels. Sadie was so close she could see the different hues of blue and grey in his eyes, see each individual blonde eyelash, too. Stupidly, she let her hand drop to his chest, tracing the cool metal of his uniform's star absentmindedly. Her heart was hammering.

"It feels great," he said breathily, and she nodded, stepping back and awkwardly staring at her running shoes. Steve just stood with his hands on his belt, the dark red lines above striking against the white.

"I heard you guys had a big success today," Sadie asked finally looking back at him.

"Yeah," Steve nodded, with a small smile. "Managed to finish off HYDRA- or at least all that we know of it, _and_ get our hands on Loki's sceptre- that's part of what caused all those problems in 2012."

A thought occurred to Sadie then, as a memory came to her from years ago. "Hey, I just remembered, I actually owe you a lot for that."

"What?"

"Funny story, _in the year of 2012_ ," Sadie started, putting on a dramatic storytelling voice which Steve grinned at. "Adrianne happened to be downtown when that portal opened. She was actually _really_ close, headed towards the subway."

"How did she get away?"

Sadie shrugged, with a smile. "Well, you probably don't remember it in all that chaos, but she was taking Jacob for a little trip. Said you came along in your bright blue tights and helped get them outta there. They're both alive because of you."

"I guess I was just doing my job." There was a look of surprise on Steve's face as he spoke, and Sadie wondered why. There were plenty of people alive because of him- why was it a shock for him to hear it now? Then, he cracked a smile. "Those really were just bright blue tights weren't they?"

"I much prefer this get-up," Sadie grinned, looking him up and down and his smile grew wider.

"Oh, you do?" Steve laughed, opening his arms and turning three-sixty degrees as if to give her a better look. She wasn't complaining.

"Yeah, it's very..." Sadie pretended to stroke her chin in deep thought. "Gallant, and yet understated."

"Why, thank you very much," Steve said, with yet another laugh. "We're having a little get together on Saturday night, you should come."

"Yeah, I was thinking about it, but I'm not sure," Sadie said, honestly. "I don't really know many of... these guys, all that well."

"The music's gonna be good," Steve said, with a tone of persuasion. "I'll make sure there's some stuff you'll like. It'd be amazing if you came."

Sadie thought about it for a moment, but one look at his face and she was already giving in. "Alright, I'll be there. Dress code?"

"You could come in these scrubs, and you'd look good enough," Steve said, in a manner that made Sadie wonder if he'd meant to say it. He quickly cleared his throat, and she could've sworn she saw a rose tinge in his ivory cheeks. "But, I mean- it's kinda dressy, I guess. Need me to pick you up?"

"It's alright, I'll get there," Sadie smiled, before walking away, and calling over her shoulder. "I can't wait!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is UNBELIEVABLY short for me but there's an explanation- I originally put chapter 11 at the end of this one, but they're so different in tone it just didn't feel right. So think of chapter 11 which you are (hopefully) about to read now as chapter 10.5
> 
> also yes, I did unabashedly make this chapter title into a pun. I am beyond proud
> 
> -Amber.


	11. Pause

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: cancer, terminal illnesses.

**I** t was a rare occasion when Sadie was called by the nursing home.

She visited so often that it was never usually necessary- the staff would simply give her updates on her mother's health when she arrived.

That said, a phone call like this one had happened once before- late 2013, when her mother had suffered a stroke on her left brain. That day had been one of the worst in Sadie's life to date- the sheer amount of fear and worry- panic attack after panic attack and then trying to keep it together when she visited her mom in the ICU.

Sadie was sure that her mother's recovery was due to God smiling down on Shan Moore, for all the good she had done in her life, all the people she had made so very happy.

Now, 2015, Shan Moore had gone into a fifteen minute seizure part way through the night, and was rushed to New York Presbyterian. And the nightmare was happening all over again.

Sadie had never gotten anywhere so hastily, driving in her slippers and rushing down the hospital halls still in her pyjamas.

The neuro ward was grey and quiet.

"Your mother is alive," the white haired neurologist-Dr Connor- told her, in another grey room with the blinds closed. "She's in an induced coma to stop the seizures. We've come to a diagnosis. How much do you wish to know?"

"I'm a doctor," was all Sadie could manage to say, hoping he would understand what she meant. She could take this.

"Not all doctors want to know all details," Conner's tone was kind and gentle. Sadie had always known him to be a good man, and a brilliant doctor in the years she had worked at the hospital.

But now, the kindness was not what she needed. She could feel in her bones that this was going to be the worst news she could ever hear. Sadie didn't need kindness in that moment- she needed clinical relief.

"Tell me," she asked, quiet.

"Doctor Moore, I'm sorry to tell you that mother has a tumour on her temporal lobe," Connor explained. And there it was. The worst news she could ever hear. Sadie couldn't fathom it. "It's what has been causing her memory problems all these years."

"What kind of tumour?"

"Glioblastoma," Dr Connor explained. "It is unfortunately poorly treatable."

Glioblastoma. Arguably the deadliest form of brain cancer. The kind of disease Sadie knew from other patients in the past, her healing hands could not fix.

"Let me see the scans," Sadie said, and when Connor opened his mouth to speak- undoubtedly to explain why he couldn't do so- she found herself snapping firmly. "Let me see the scans!"

He looked conflicted for a moment and Sadie knew why. Hospital policy didn't allow it. But he unlocked his tablet anyway. She stared down at the image of her mother's brain. The tumour was humongous.

"And the prognosis?"

"With surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment," a pause. She wanted to scream for him to _say it already!_ "Sixteen months."

Sadie started to laugh. It was terrible, but she started to laugh and couldn't control herself. She could hear her voice breaking as she spoke.

"Glioblastoma take an average of _three hundred and thirty days_ to grow to this size. You're telling me that nobody noticed this until now?" She said bitterly. "I put her in that home because I wasn't able to give her the care she needed. They could've looked after her but apparently she hasn't been taken to a single doctor's appointment!"

There was a bitter irony to the situation. How many times had Sadie been the one in the white coat, telling families that their children, their wives, their husbands, their parents- were going to die?

She could remember what they had been taught in med school- when Sadie had sat beside Adrianne in the lecture hall. When she had wished and prayed she would never have to give the talk she was receiving right at that moment. And she remembered when, three months into her internship, she had to tell a young woman that her mother was going to die.

"I'm going to give you a moment to think about how you wish to proceed," the neurologist said. "Let me know when you are ready for me to say more."


	12. Party Tricks

**S** adie stared down at her mother's signature on the document before her. The lawyer, a tall, slim blonde man named Jameson who the firm had called 'the best', wore a grave and defeated expression.

 _I,_ Shannon Francis-Moore _, acknowledge that I have refused treatment for_ grade 2 atypical meningioma _, against the advice of_ Dr J Kelly & Dr Y Wright _at Lennox Hospital._

_Date: 4/24/2013._

Shan still lay in her hospital bed now, fast asleep from exhaustion. Sadie knew that a seizure left a patient more exhausted than a marathon- every single muscle in the body contracting beyond control. And her mother had suffered multiple seizures through the night.

"I don't understand- this doesn't make any sense," Sadie stuttered. "If it was untreated for this long, then it's a wonder she's still alive."

"I'll have to leave the medicine to you, Dr Moore," Jameson joked, but neither of them were laughing. "The truth is, this was signed when your mother's main care at Elm Nursing Home was for dialysis. This means that she was of sound mind-"

"Yeah, this was before the dementia," Sadie said, but even that was confusing. It was never dementia, it was always this damned tumour. Which had two whole years to grow. "So there's nothing we can do?"

"Legally speaking, the nursing home is not responsible. Nobody is," Jameson explained. "But your mother experiences periods where she's lucid?"

"Yes, they don't last long, though," Sadie nodded.

"If you can advise her to seek treatment in that time, if she changes her mind," Jameson spoke. "Then maybe she could beat this."

There was such naivety in that statement, and Sadie was envious of it. No, the glioblastoma would grow and grow, and suck away her mother's life like a leech. But they could give her time.

Sixteen months, if Shan Moore wanted it, to live.

So Sadie waited, until such a time as her mother was lucid enough for a hard conversation. Visiting hours in the hospital were flexible for her, since most of these staff were old friends and colleagues of hers- and if there was _any_ benefit to the pitying looks, it was that they let Sadie stay because of it.

On the second day of waiting, Adrianne had stopped by, with the kids, flowers, food and a change of clothes for Sadie. A couple hours later, her phone rang, with a worried friend on the other side of the line.

"Cho told us what happened," Steve's voice was low, and gentle. "Is there anything I can do?"

"It's alright," Sadie responded, her voice quiet purposely so as not to wake up her sleeping mother. "I mean, you have your own stuff to do-"

"I really don't," Steve laughed. "Let me help."

And it was hard to refuse him, so soon he also stopped by the hospital, with beautiful flowers for her mom, piping hot mac 'n' cheese for Sadie, and good company and comfort. But the extended visiting hours didn't apply to Steve, and so he had to leave before he was booted out by a protective and hardworking nurse who had given him three warnings in the space of fifteen minutes.

Eventually, Shan was lucid. Sadie called for the neurologist to confirm, and once she was sure, she gently asked a question, after providing the documents the lawyer had left.

"Why did you refuse treatment?"

"I didn't want to spend my life hooked up to machines and chemicals," Shan Moore was holding a sick bowl in her lap, still in her hospital gown. Nausea was only one of the terrible symptoms Sadie knew her mother felt. "And I knew if I told you? It would break your heart."

Sadie was overwhelmed with love for her mother at the last statement- despite all the pain of it, Shan had tried to shield her from that.

"You gotta know I love you for that. But if you have the surgery, they could cut out half of the thing," Sadie said, trying to hide the desperation in her voice. "That means you'll need less radiation and chemo. It'll be a chance."

"A chance to be left a vegetable. Do I look like a plantain to you?"

"Adrianne's Chief of Surgery. There isn't a single surgeon in this hospital who hasn't been approved by her," Sadie told her mother, truthfully. "They're _good_ , Mom. And I would be with you every step of the way."

"Shelly," Shan sighed, taking her hand. "You know this only ends one way."

"What I know," Sadie said, attempting to keep her voice hopeful. "Is that my mother is not a woman to go out without a fight."

There was a moment of silence when Sadie worried her mother's brief lucidity was over. But there was no blank look in Shan Moore's eyes. In fact, there seemed to be a new resolve.

"Well," Shan said, weakly squeezing her hand. "My girl Shell always did know everything. Go. Get me on that surgery list. I'll do it for you."

~

9:07 pm

**NATASHA**   
_are you close?_

**SADIE**   
_just coming into the lobby_

 **NATASHA**   
_I'll meet you down there_

**NATASHA**   
_so you don't get all nervous and sweaty about coming up alone_

**NATASHA**   
_I don't wanna have to put up with the smell._

Three days after convincing her mother to take the surgery, Sadie smiled, rolling her eyes as she stopped by the three elevators, waiting patiently for Natasha's arrival. Sadie hadn't wanted to come tonight- she'd spent the rest of the week in the hospital with her mother, waiting for the neurosurgeons to come up with a plan to get that terrible glioblastoma out of Shan Moore's head. Sadie wished she could go back in time and pick neurosurgery as her specialty, then maybe she could make faster progress than them. Maybe she wouldn't be so useless.

No, she hadn't wanted to come to Tony Stark's inevitability extravagant party- not while her mom was in pain, but her mother had spied a text from Natasha asking if she was still okay to come, and Adrianne had brought a beautiful emerald green fit-and-flare dress, and the two had practically forced Sadie out of the hospital.

"I don't want you putting your life on pause for me," Shan had told her, all hooked up to chemotherapy treatments. "You will go, and you will dance the night away."

Sadie wasn't about to argue with her classic Caribbean mother, so she'd come to the party, albeit reluctantly. Now, much like Natasha predicted, she felt nervous and slightly sweaty as the elevator doors pinged open to reveal the red haired agent, looking elegant, and daintier than Sadie had ever seen her.

"Now, who's this _gorgeous_ woman?" Sadie questioned as she walked into the elevator, and Natasha rolled her eyes. "Thanks for coming down."

"Not a problem," Natasha opened her purse, pulling out a small perfume roller and dabbing it on Sadie's neck and wrists. "Mask that sweat of yours."

"You look after me so well," Sadie grinned, taking in the musky, feminine smell of the French fragrance.

"Cho said you took the week off for your mom," Natasha said, and Sadie was grateful that there was no tone of pity. She'd told Dr Cho that if anyone asked where she was, she could say, but otherwise no announcements. While it wasn't unusual that Steve would have asked, it was slightly surprising that Natasha had noticed. "You sure you're up for this?"

Sadie took a deep breath, tightening her black silk scrunchie which held her ebony twists up and out of her face. "I said I'd be here, so I'm here. It's a diagnosis, not a death sentence."

That was a lie, and Sadie knew it. But as the doors opened, she plastered on a smile, linking her arm with Natasha's as they walked into the bustling party. Upbeat instrumentals trilled through the air, blending with cacaphonic laughter and chatter. Some guests danced at makeshift dance floors near windows, or minibars, but most milled around, chatting to one another, drinks in hand

Sadie noticed dread run through her as she overheard a young entrepreneur boast about their 'project'. _Networking_. Natasha though, seemed to be a professional in this setting, beelining for particular individuals and strategically introducing Sadie to each of them. Agents, and fellow scientists and hardly any familiar faces.

"-Dropped it right at the general's feet and said, _boom!_ You looking for this?" A small crowd of people burst into laughter as Natasha tapped the story teller on the shoulder, and a man of a complexion not dissimilar to Sadie's own turned to them, with a look of satisfaction on his face.

"Rhody," Natasha said, over the noise. "I wanted to introduce you to a friend of mine- Isadora Moore."

"Oh, you're a friend of Natasha's? Lord help your soul," Rhody cringed, and Natasha whacked him on the arm- hard. He attempted to hide his pain, but the discomfort was evident to Sadie, who had spent years treating patients who pretended to be macho. "Bet you're wondering what's got the crowd so wild, I was just telling them about the time I-"

"We're actually just doing a zip 'round the room," Natasha interrupted, quickly. "Getting introductions."

"I'd love to hear your story later though," Sadie smiled politely, as Natasha rugged her away. Rhody's expression looked dampened and she turned to Nat once they were out of earshot. "What did ya do that for? He seemed-"

"Trust me, I just saved you from a minute's worth of boredom," Natasha smirked, leading her over to a pool table. "I think that's the whole team besides Thor. But there's plenty of time later- we'll let him get a few more drinks down first- those two oldies need loosen up."

Natasha nodded to where Thor stood with Steve- Steve in his crisp blue shirt who Sadie had to tear her eyes away from- sharing drinks with a bunch of veterans. Sadie was somewhat grateful for this- it was all a bit much already, and somehow she didn't think meeting the alien who called himself 'God of Thunder' would ease her nerves.

"Well, my little bird, you are free," Natasha said, in as close as she got to a sing song voice, before wandering through the crowd towards the bar, which Doctor Banner approaches only moments later.

"Nice to see you when you're not crashing on my couch, Moore," a familiar voice said from behind her, and Sadie turned to see Sam Wilson, carrying two drinks, and offering one to her. She took it, gratefully.

"Or in your crashing car," Sadie said, grimly, and he laughed. "How've you been? How's life treating you- work?"

"Well, life's same as it's always been," Sam explained, and she nodded. "Only difference is my work is searching for our missing person."

"How's that going for you?"

"Uneventful," Sam said, lowering his chin. "There has been zero sightings of the Winter Soldier since we took down the helicarriers- he's disappeared again."

Sadie thought about this for a moment, how much it must be killing Steve to know his old friend was alive but out of reach. And how good Sam was, for helping find Bucky.

"But _you!"_ Sam's voice was suddenly enthusiastic as he nudged her side fondly. "I heard you're on the up and up, Doctor Moore."

"Yeah," Sadie smiled, but she wondered just how many people thought her life was more ordered than it was. "I'm real grateful."

"I was beginning to think you wouldn't show," Steve's voice followed a casual and gentle squeeze of her shoulder. Sadie felt her anxiety and tension loosen. Whether from his touch or his presence, she didn't know.

She heard Sam mutter something about 'leaving them to it', but the music drowned him out as Sadie looked at Steve, his eyes full of concern for her. Understandable- when he'd seen her at the hospital, she was in a total state.

"Well, I did my hair especially," Sadie smirked, then added with an attempted air of light heartedness: "Life donated multiple lemons to the cause of Isadora Moore. But the world's still spinning, may as well have fun."

"Let's drink to that," Steve said, clinking his glass against hers before they both tipped back their drinks, the burn of the whiskey lingering in her throat.

That was when Sadie noticed a familiar percussion beat sound, and Steve looked at her with a certain look of satisfaction. She listened closer, over the noise of the party.

"Perfect timing," he smiled, looking rather proud of himself, as she recognised the tune.

"This isn't- _it is!"_ Sadie smiled, as the beat entered its melodic guitar melody, and dreamy vocals.

"Blondie-"

"Heart of Glass!"

"I can cross disco off my list," Steve laughed, placing their glasses on the pool table, and taking her hand, leading her over to where guests danced.

"You put this on the playlist?" Sadie asked, overcome with appreciation and a warm feeling in her stomach. "For me?"

"Soon as you said you were coming," Steve answered, with a sheepish smile.

Sadie briefly threw her arms around him, before spinning away and beginning to dance in the way her mother taught her- without a care in the world. Soon Natasha joined them, dragging Banner with her, who awkwardly shuffled his feet- and they were followed by none other than Mr Tony Stark, who inserted himself smoothly into their dancing circle, shouting _"Intern knows how to party!"_

That was when Sadie heard Sam's thundering laughter, as he stood on the sidelines watching them. She made her way over to him, never once stopping her dancing, and pulled him over to the group, firmly telling him "you won't escape that easily!" She spotted Thor in a similar position, standing and laughing at all their idiocy.

"Hey!" She called over to him, without thinking. "You don't know me, but put that drink down and come dance with us!"

"You heard her," Tony agreed loudly, and the god complied, putting down his glass and inching into the group.

And just like that, Sadie- who had started her night off miserably, was surrounded by dancing heroes and strangers alike, and all of her worries seemed to melt away.

Steve moved beside her in that way he always did- somewhere between letting loose and completely stiff, which Sadie only found completely and utterly endearing. The group danced until the song faded out completely, and Tony went to get more drinks, insisting they all deserved another round after their musical fiasco.

"Steve, you are literally _amazing,"_ Sadie told him once the dancing was over, fanning herself with a napkin as she sipped on her water. "That was four minutes I didn't know I needed."

"Hey, you deserve it," Steve said, warming her heart even more. "You staying for the after party? I'll drive you home- with your dancing skills tonight, I don't trust how much you've had to drink."

Sadie hadn't actually drank much at all, but she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to be driven home, so she laughed, nodded and thanked him graciously. Soon enough, the party started to dissipate. Sadie was even more convinced to stay when Chinese takeout was brought up, along with more drinks and extra goodies.

And there, at the end of the table was Thor's hammer- leaning precariously but still not falling, and Sadie tried not to look at it for too long- she didn't know the customs of these things, would it be deemed offensive if she stared? Instead, she settled herself with sitting curled up in the seat besides Steve, leaning her head on his shoulder, and cracking open fortune cookies.

"Ah! Here's a good one," Sadie announced to the group, before clearing her throat dramatically, and preparing her best theatrical voice. "Someone here may do something unexpected this week- and shatter the expectations of even good friends."

"I'm gonna lift that damn hammer," Clint spoke up immediately, and the group let out a chorus of chuckles.

"Not in your condition," Helen Cho answered from where she lay with her eyes closed, clearly having had one too many drinks. "Don't want you to undo..." a yawn. "All our hard work."

"It can't be that difficult," Clint argued again, and Steve looked to Sadie with a look that made her laugh a little. "I bet I could do it if I had enough practise."

"It's not about practise," Thor's deep voice responded, although Sadie couldn't see him from behind Steve.

"But it's a trick!" Clint insisted, spinning his chopsticks between his fingers, and Sadie couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, no," Thor responded, much more collected than his counterpart. "It's much more than that."

"Uh, _'Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!'_ " Clint's impression of Thor was both terrible and somewhat uncanny, that even the god had to laugh. "Whatever man! It's a trick."

"Well please, be my guest," Thor said, and Clint stood, swaggering over to the hammer.

"Oh god," Steve muttered to Sadie under his breath, as Clint gave up when the hammer didn't move an inch. "He doesn't know what he's started."

And sure enough, Tony was the next to stand, casually unbuttoning his blazer as if the task would take nothing more than that. And so Sadie watched, quite contentedly from her position next to Steve as all lengths were taken to lift the hammer- parts of iron suits and even Bruce Banner's unfortunate attempt to channel some of Thor's strength.

Of course, Steve too decided to get up and give lifting the hammer a shot- which Sadie was only slightly mad about because it meant she could no longer use him as a human headrest. But she gave him a few quick words of encouragement like the rest of the team, and soon he began his attempt.

Sadie could've sworn she heard the screech of metal against glass as Steve's muscles flexed beneath his shirt, and it was enough to make her glance over at Thor, who wore a slightly confused and worrisome expression. It was enough to convince her that she hadn't been imagining the hammer move, but on Steve's second attempt he didn't appear to have much luck. The blond supersoldier threw his hands up, returning to his seat as the group conversed some more.

Sadie just looked at him with an eyebrow raised, a silent question which he understood, and when Steve shrugged, she decided to let it go for now.

"All deference to the man who _wouldn't_ be king," Tony said, raising yet another beer bottle to his lips. "But it's rigged."

"You bet your ass," Clint chorused.

Immediately, Mariah Hill jumped at the opportunity for a teasing joke that Sadie had heard perhaps one too many times during the course of the party. "Steve, he said a bad language word."

Steve shook his head in mild frustration, frustration directed at Tony. "Did you tell everyone about that?"

Tony just strategically changed the topic back to the hammer which sat unmoved on the table. "The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. _'Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints'_ is, I think, the literal translation?"

"Or there is there some kinda... I don't know, mysticism to it?" Sadie asked, curiously. "Like... is it sentient? Does it judge us all? Cause I gotta say I think there's some ethical issues if it's alive and you toss it around like that-"

"Yes, well, those are very, very interesting theories. I have a simpler one," Thor interrupted and as if it were the simplest thing in the world, he lifted the hammer and flipped it in the air. "You're all not worthy."

There was an instant chorus of disagreement, but before anybody could rebuttle the argument, there was a high pitched feedback noise- a screeching that made Sadie cover her ears until it faded.

"Worthy..." a metallic voice sounded from the doorway, and Sadie glanced up to see one of Tony's suits- beaten and broken and _speaking_ before them. "No, how could you be worthy? You're all killers."

"Stay behind me," Steve told her, already standing as Sadie got to her feet, his arm outstretched behind him as if to keep her a safe distance away. She complied. "Stark?"

"JARVIS?" Tony said, tapping on his digital watch. "Reboot Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit."

Sadie's heart rate quickened as there was no reply from Stark's digital assistant, instead, the suit continued to speak.

"I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or..." a pause that made Sadie freeze as she realised something. "I was a-dream?"

"It's... it's like it's thinking," Sadie muttered quietly, although she wasn't sure if anyone heard. "Look at how it's _moving_. Like a man."

"There was a terrible noise...and I was tangled in... in...strings," the suit continued, before saying something that stopped Sadie's thoughts cold. "I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy."

Steve seemed equally as concerned, but his voice was steady as he questioned, "You killed someone?" He balled his fists and that was when Sadie knew this would end in a fight.

"Wouldn't have been my first call," the suit said casually- again, like a man. Sadie couldn't understand it. "But, in the real world we're faced with ugly choices."

Thor was next to speak up. "Who sent you?"

That was when a recording played, a voice they all knew well enough to recognise. A voice the whole country could recognise. _"I see a suit of armor around the world."_

"Ultron," Banner said, shock in his voice. This thing had a name? Was it a person?

"In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this...Christmas," Ultron spoke. It was disjointed. The words and phrases of a man but the body of a robot. It was unnatural, and it made Sadie incredibly scared. "But I'm ready. I'm on a mission."

"What mission?" Natasha asked, and that was when Sadie realised they had all armed themselves defensively. All except for her. She let her hands begin to glow.

"Peace in our time," Ultron finished, and Sadie almost jumped out of her skin as multiple suits burst in through the wall, charging straight for them.

Sadie threw up a forcefield as Steve kicked up the coffee table in front of him- but he was sent flying backwards as the chaos began. It was all too quick for her to process, but there were gunshots and flying suits and she could hear Thor's hammer whipping through the air as metal hit metal. 

She crouched, keeping up her forcefield as she scanned the room for a place to go, and make sure she didn't get in anyone's way. Spinning around, Sadie noticed Helen Cho, vulnerable and alone behind the grand piano, so Sadie rushed over to her colleague, extending the forcefield around them both as her heart raced, and they watch the fighting that ensued.

She spotted Steve making a running start towards one of the flying Iron Legions, and her heart leapt as she saw him jump through the air and right onto it's back.

Stupidly, Sadie called out, "Steve, get _down_ from there!" but the suit only soared higher, reversing at a rapid speed and smashing the super soldier into the back wall, leaving cracks in its wake as Steve tumbled to the ground. Simultaneously, glass shattered above the heads of Sadie and Helen, and they both flinched, but the forcefield caused the glass to ricochet, keeping them safe and sound beneath it.

When Sadie looked back towards where Steve had fallen, he was already on his feet, so instead she looked for Natasha. The red-haired agent fired shots from behind the bar while Tony diving for some tools- Sadie regarded the difference in styles between Natasha and Tony. Force versus wit. But in the moment, both served as well as the other, and before Sadie knew it, the said billionaire was in the air similar to how Steve had been, sticking tools into an airborne Iron Legion.

Tony glanced over to where Sadie still crouched, her arms up as she focused on keeping the forcefield around herself and Helen. He cocked his head in slight surprise. "Nobody said the intern was super powered. Colour me impressed."

"Leave her out of this, Stark-" It was hard to place Steve's voice in all the noise and the chaos.

"Duly noted," Stark said, before jamming the tool further into the Iron Legion and dropping to the ground, using the immobilised suit to break his fall.

"Oh my god," Helen said from beside her, and Sadie quickly turned her attention back to the panicking woman. "Oh my god, we're going to die."

"Nobody is dying tonight," Sadie said to her firmly. "These are the _Avengers_. They got this. There couldn't be a safer place to be right now."

In a sickly irony, an Iron Legion which had been severed in half (likely from Thor's mighty hammer) floated towards them, raising its armed hand towards Helen. Sadie focused all her energy on the forcefield around them- it could not buckle then.

But curiously, the suit tilted its head away from Helen Cho- instead turning its aim towards Sadie and firing, the hard hit of the blast making her forcefield quake, but it held firm. They didn't have to put up with its presence for long as soon Steve was throwing the half-robot across the room aggressively, and Thor brought his hammer down on it, disengaging it forever.

"Keep that up," Steve told her, referring to Sadie's forcefield. He was barely out of breath.

"You don't have to tell me twice," Sadie responded, grimly, and he was off again, catching his shield which had been thrown by...Barton? Banner? Sadie couldn't keep track, but soon the fight died down as Steve's shield broke down the final Legion.

"That was dramatic," Ultron said, his voice echoey and metallic. "I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through... You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to _change_. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve?"

Sadie let down her forcefield as she turned to Helen, giving her a once over to make sure she was alright after all the chaos that had ensued. She seemed to be in one piece, and so they stood, tentatively at the back of the room. Sadie turned her attention back to Ultron.

"There's only one path to peace," the robot finished. "The Avengers' extinction."

Before anyone could say anything else, Thor tossed his hammer at Ultron, causing metal and wires to smash to pieces. There was an eerie quiet for a moment, before Ultron's voice echoed from the broken suit. "I had strings, but now I'm free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! So this is a much longer chapter than the last few, a few more developments in Shan's case and the partAy!!! I absolutely LOVED writing this- I wanted to avoid repeating too much dialogue from the film but I think I have an alright balance!
> 
> Let me know what you think :))  
> -Amber


	13. White Lies and Steel Drums

**T** o say the night had ended with tension was an understatement. Sadie had stood quietly in the lab, listening to the group as they disagreed and formed plans and got started 'making the world smaller'. When she had helped as best she could with research, and the team turned in for the night, she had planned to simply take a taxi home.

Instead, Steve had insisted that he'd give her a ride to her apartment, because he wasn't a man to break a promise, and Sadie was far too exhausted to argue. And so they drove in a car she wasn't even sure was his, making her wonder- did the Avengers have company cars? Rain lashed down on the world outside.

In fact, the rain was so aggressive, that once they arrived outside of Sadie's apartment block, they were both practically trapped. It was too wet for her to get out of the car, and Steve couldn't drive away until she was gone. And so they were forced to sit there, at what was probably the early hours of the morning now, and wait for the rain to stop. Sadie thought that probably wasn't such a terrible predicament.

The rain spattered down sporadically, the sound of the drumming above them metallic and aggressive. Sadie tried to make out shapes in the splashes on the windshield but the shower was far too fast. She closed her eyes, focusing on the noise, feeling Steve's eyes on her. The downpour was like an upbeat percussion, and she didn't know if she was delirious from drink or adrenaline- but it was reminding her strangely of the melodic steel drums of her Jamaican upbringing.

Sadie felt a smile tug at her lips as she began to shift her hips and bob her head in time with the music she imagined in her mind. She knew it was bizarre, and unusual, and that after the events of that evening, she should not have this energy. Again, she had no idea if it was drink or adrenaline, but all Sadie wanted to do was dance. She felt Steve's gaze on her once more.

When she looked at him, his expression was soft, his usually permanently furrowed brow relaxed and the curve of his lips pulled upwards in a small smile. And his eyes- God, the whole world was in those eyes.

"You're dancing to the rain," Steve said, more of a statement than a question. Sadie was glad her dark skin masked the rush of blood to her cheeks as she stopped her strange movements. "Sorry, I- I didn't mean you had to stop."

"I'm just a little tipsy. And the rhythm's changed now anyway," she said quietly, leaning her head back and closing her eyes once more. "It just reminded me of my childhood."

Sadie wondered if it was a desire to forget about the fight that had taken place, or tune out of his undoubtedly busy brain which was probably _still_ coming up with plans against Ultron, but something made Steve ask her to elaborate. "How?"

"Well, our family home was real humble," she started, already knowing that she would end up putting in far too many details in her rambly way, but still not bothering to correct it. "We grew up in a project house- two bedrooms so we doubled up- a bathroom without a sink, a kitchen _with_ a sink, and a water closet of a living room."

"But you enjoyed it there?" Steve asked her, and Sadie couldn't help the smile on her face at the memory, as she gazed at the empty road ahead, water ricocheting off the ground with force.

 _"So much._ My mom was real good with DIY and she managed make the place look pretty expensive on the inside. She's where I get my love of decor," Sadie told him. Steve was still looking at her. "And Dad had these steel drums- my sister always used to play them when he wasn't watching, then dart behind the couch and hide when he turned around- like a game of peek-a-boo."

"I never knew you had a sister," Steve said, and that's when Sadie realised she had said too much. Maybe she should've stopped herself after all.

She took a breath, pushing back the images of her house in flames, her family looking at her with hurt and betrayal written all over their faces- _your fault._ She looked down at lines on her palms.

"There was a fire, and we didn't talk much after that," Sadie said, without much more detail than that. Because how could she tell him it was a fire _she'd_ started? She flexed her hands, watching them glow, and hoped he would fill in the gaps on his own. "They got out of control."

"Was that what was in those files?" Steve asked her, and she nodded.

"I thought I could control these powers for casual use, but I was wrong, and arrogant," Sadie sighed, remembering how the tiny flame she'd intended for a candle, had blown up into a roaring fire. "So in the end... I split up the family."

"That's not your fault," she could hear the pity in Steve's voice and didn't want to look at him. _Your fault._ She wished she could turn back time in that conversation to when he was looking at her like she was a rarity, not... this.

"Ew, I get existential when I drink. Let's talk about something else like- oh! Thor's hammer," Sadie said quickly, changing the topic. Steve immediately looked away, the first time since he'd pulled over. "I saw it move. You could've lifted it."

"I couldn't. I did try, but it only gave a little," Steve explained, and Sadie rolled her eyes. Surely he must've been holding back- she'd seen the strength of him in action on multiple occasions now.

"Y'know, I really find that hard to believe," Sadie teased, but she was being truthful. " _Mr Modest."_

"No, Isadora, really. If it's down to worth like Thor says it is..." he hesitated, and Sadie wanted to explain that he was worth the world, to so many people. And to her. "Let's just say I'm keeping a pretty dark secret from a pretty good friend."

"So why keep it?" she asked, cautious of oversimplification. "I mean, can't you hash it out?"

"It doesn't work that way," Steve said. "I gotta keep it- for his own good."

"A white lie?" she asked him.

"I... suppose."

She pondered this for a moment. "Ever tell any white lies to me?"

"Never," Steve's answer was quick and simple, and took her aback. He seemed to notice too, and he leaned back in his seat once more, his voice much more relaxed. "I plan to keep it that way."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that, but Steve held her gaze, unwavering.

"Guess I get existential too," he said, with a playful shrug and she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her.

They sat in peaceful quiet for a moment, and Sadie noticed the rain had stopped, so she gathered her things ready to leave. She thought about Ultron, and his insane threats, and that team of heroes in Avengers Tower who all seemed to have each other's backs, but were all far too willing to get hurt. Steve included.

"This sounds like something big," Sadie warned him. "You gotta keep yourself safe while you save the world, okay? Look after yourself."

"I'll consider that, Doc," he joked, putting a smile on her face once more. "But, Sadie you better take your own advice. It's tough, what you're going through. And if you need me, I'm there. I don't want you ever thinking I'm too busy."

"I'll consider that, Cap," Sadie said, as cheerfully as she could, but it didn't come out how she wanted it to. Maybe now was a time for sincerity. She sighed, glancing back at him. "Thank you, Steve."

Then, she forced herself to hop out of the car and rushed into her apartment lobby, turning back only to give Steve a wave goodbye.

Somehow, despite the chaos of the night, the bad memories that had resurfaced, and the worries of her mother's condition- Sadie couldn't get the smile Steve gave her off her face. She even tried frowning in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, but even that made her laugh. So she settled with sending Adrianne a text, as she had promised:

 **SADIE**  
Got home a while ago- forgot to text. Steve dropped me off safe

 **ADRIANNE**  
and here's me just waking up for an early shift :(

 **ADRIANNE**  
had a good night?

 **SADIE**  
uh. a robot came to life in the after party

 **SADIE**  
it was pretty wild. but until that point, yes.

 **ADRIANNE**   
you'll get a call tomorrow. from me. expecting full details of living robots. and also cute super soldiers

 **SADIE**  
hmm the former I can do, the latter...  
there's nothing to tell :)

 **ADRIANNE**  
sure. I hope you left something in the car so he has to drop by and give it to you.

 **SADIE**  
I'm sorry to report I did no such thing ma'am!

 **ADRIANNE**  
god have you learned nothing from me??

 **ADRIANNE**  
hate your guts <3

 **SADIE**  
love ya guts <3

~

Sadie had warned Adrianne not to date a veterinarian. Back when they were in med school, she'd told her friend: _anyone who decides they wanna treat dogs and horses for a living has a heart too pure for you._

And it was still true. Sadie had known Adrianne for almost ten years. They'd both started med school two years early- the youngest in their cohort and therefore the easiest targets to make fun of. While Sadie had planned to deal with this by keeping her head down and not complaining, Adrianne always had a fiery- and often brutal- response to every patronising remark concerning their age.

Throughout their internship too, Adrianne was a complete shark, and Sadie was sure the only reason why she didn't fall victim to it was because of how much they cared about each other. That, and the practical fact that the two doctors were no threat to one another, having chosen different routes in their careers- surgery and diagnostics.

The two of them had brought out the best in each other- Adrianne had taught Sadie how to stay firm and stand up for herself, and Sadie had taught Adrianne how to pick her battles. So when Adrianne had told her all those years ago that she was dating a veterinarian, Sadie had told her: _anyone who decides they wanna treat dogs and horses for a living has a heart too pure for you._

And despite it being true, Sadie was glad her best friend never took her advice to heart. Jamie Valentina was the perfect choice for Adrianne. And the couple had given her the most amazing god-children.

Even now, as Sadie lay upside down on Adrianne's bed, top-to-toe in between the surgeon and her husband, Jamie Valentina was extremely gracious, allowing her to invade their home and vent her dilemmas. On the condition that she bring breakfast, of course.

General rule of thumb: to make Jamie Valentina happy, bring pancakes.

"These are _delicious,"_ Jamie said, still digging in to the gourmet pancakes Sadie had picked up from a nearby eatery. It was around eleven AM, and Sadie had invaded the Valentina home for two main reasons:

The first, was that Sadie had taken a leave of absence due to her mom's diagnosis. She hadn't _wanted_ to take the time off but Helen Cho had insisted, telling Sadie that her mind itself was absent with all she had to deal with. And conveniently, Adrianne had booked her holidays for the same time. Sadie remembered that the Latin woman had been saving her leave for summer, and regardless of how much she tried to hide it, Sadie knew Adrianne had used them up in order to be there for her.

The second reason was that Adrianne had decided that Sadie shouldn't be alone, further proving Sadie's hypothesis. The hospital visiting hours were hardly flexible, and Sadie had to admit, when she wasn't at her mother's side, she was simply riddled with worry. It was like when Sadie was alone, her mind just went on a field trip- there was so much to be scared about. Her mother's condition, Ultron's threats, the dangerous missions that Steve would be on.

"I don't think you should concern yourself about it," Adrianne told her, before opening her mouth for Jamie to pop a blueberry in. "I mean, you said he's been after those HYDRA guys all year and he survived that."

"HYDRA just wanted him dead," Sadie sighed, staring up at the ceiling. She hated that she was worried about this. "Ultron wants them all _extinct."_

"I don't understand the difference here," Jamie chuckled. "Dead, extinct- it's all the same isn't it?"

"This just feels bigger," Sadie said. "Nobody wants a repeat of New York. And Steve isn't as invincible as people think."

"You should have more faith," Adrianne said. Sadie didn't bother explaining that she had all the faith in the world when it came to Steve Rogers. "He's just as good at his job as we are at ours."

"Speaking of, I know I shouldn't ask for updates outside of the hospital, but-"

"My neurosurgeons are getting _really_ close with the surgical plan for Momma Moore. We should be able to perform the surgery in the next few weeks," Adrianne explained, and before Sadie could even open her mouth to ask, she added: "And no, you can't watch from the gallery. But don't worry- I'll be there."

"Do your Avenger friends know about all this, by the way? Your mom's diagnosis?" Jamie spoke up, out of nowhere. Upon seeing the look on Sadie's face, he chuckled awkwardly. "I just mean- I don't know, it seems important you tell them."

"Well, uh, a few know," Sadie answered, sitting up, unsure what to say. She could tell Jamie was worried about her, but he had no real reason to be. "Steve, and Nat, and whoever else asked why I'm off work. And obviously Helen knows. She kinda has to."

"And they're there for you?" Jamie asked, his face full of a brotherly concern. "If you needed them, they'd come?"

"I mean, they kinda have responsibilities-"

"If the world wasn't in danger, and you called them," Jamie clarified, still not dropping her gaze. "Would they come?"

Sadie thought on that for a moment before answering. It didn't take her long to come to the conclusion she did.

"I have no reason to think they wouldn't. Nat's kind enough, and Steve came when I didn't even call," Sadie answered truthfully, flopping down into her previous lying position. "Said he's not too busy for me."

"Not too busy?" Adrianne snorted. "He better not be 'too busy'. Especially if he's ever going to make this thing official."

"There is no _thing_ , to make official," Sadie clarified, although she could feel heat rising to her cheeks.

"Beep, beep, beep," Jamie said, and Sadie rolled her eyes- the man was a walking sound effect. "That's my built-in lie detector going off. There is one hundred percent a thing."

"Stop giving me ideas," Sadie laughed, aiming kicks at both her friends as she switched on the television. Jamie instantly took the remote and began flicking through channels. "We got a good thing going on, no need to... complicate it."

"A good thing, huh?" Adrianne proceeded to put on her most theatrical sing-song voice. "So there's a thing going on!"

Sadie didn't know if there _was_ a thing going on. But she knew that with everything that was happening, from her mother's diagnosis to Ultron, neither Sadie nor Steve would be all that emotionally available even if there _were_ something. The truth was, Sadie felt a deep admiration and respect for Steve, and she would even go as far as to say it was most likely reciprocated. But that was all, she was sure. That was about as far as it went.

Sadie wasn't sure how to explain all of that to her friends, so instead she just said, "I'm going to miss visiting hours," as she pulled herself up and off the bed, taking a slice of French toast with her.

"Uh, Sadie," Jamie's voice was slow and unsure, causing her to pause on her way out. "You ought to see this."

The television was on a news channel, showing a city in chaos. Collapsed buildings, people with ashen faces being pulled from under rubble, and worst of all- a casualty count which was too high. Sadie squinted, shoving what was left of her toast in her mouth and putting on her glasses for a better look at the headline: _Avengers Duel Levels Johannesburg._ She almost choked.

"Earlier today, the apparent heroes known as Tony Stark's 'Iron Man', and Dr Bruce Banner's 'Hulk' engaged in uncontrollable conflict, right here, in civilian territory," the news reporter, a young man at the scene explained. "So far, there have been an ever growing number of casualties and an even larger list of missing persons."

The rest of the reporter's speech was blurred as Sadie tuned out and fumbled for her phone in her pocket, instantly ringing Steve's number- voicemail. She tried Natasha- voicemail.

"Nat, I've just seen what happened on the news, were you there?" Sadie said, after the beep. "Just call me back, okay? This looks really bad."

"What the _hell_ have they done?" Adrianne asked as Sadie finished her recording.

"There'll be an explanation," Sadie said, but she couldn't think of anything that could excuse this damage. Why would they bring out the Hulk, anywhere near a civilian population? Since when were the people she knew so irresponsible?

Almost on cue, her phone vibrated in her hand, and instantly Sadie looked down to see Steve's name on the screen, accompanied with a photograph she'd taken of him at the farmer's market that fall. Golden glow of sunlight, a golden smile, golden skin and golden hair and above all, a golden memory she'd cherish. Before all of this. She picked up the phone.

"Hello? Steve, are you okay?" Sadie could feel Adrianne and Jamie watching her. She turned her back to the television. "I just saw the news."

"We're all fine, Isadora," Steve's voice was strange and distant, the usual character of it was gone, and it sounded almost as if he was reading from a speech he'd prepared for himself. "Mission didn't go to plan, but we're all okay."

"You don't _sound_ okay," she said, resisting the urge to bite her nails. "Talk to me."

"I'm..." a moment of hesitation. Sadie wished he were here so she could read his face. "I gotta go. I'll see you when we're back in New York," he replied, and before she could argue, the phone cut off.

Sadie wanted to yell at him for hanging up on her like that. When he was back in New York? When the hell would that be? And what was she supposed to do in the meantime, while her friends were completely AWOL? The answer came all too quickly.

"A statement has not yet been made by Tony Stark or his company, for that matter," a different man on the screen said. "The Stark Relief Foundation _is_ on the scene- but what's the use of sending aid after you've injured everyone? And what's the use if there's a shortage of doctors to help those you hurt?"

Without a word, Adrianne and Sadie's eyes met across the room, an unspoken conversation taking place between them. This wouldn't be the first time they'd given aid on foreign soil, although it would be the first time since Sadie got her powers all those years ago. First time since Afghanistan.

"Baby, you'll look after the kids?" Adrianne said to her husband, who simply pecked her on the cheek and told her that of course he would.

Sadie drove them, all the way through the busy New York streets to Avengers Tower, where already they could see Quinjets landing and leaving. The entire building was full of volunteers in red Stark Relief polos, and it didn't take long for Sadie and Adrianne to get their hands on two labelled ' _doctor_ ' and ' _surgeon_ '. They made their way to the landing pad without any problems, Sadie knowing every access code on the way.

"How long can the two of you stay there?" a woman with a clipboard asked, after noting down their names.

"I can do four days," Adrianne said, to Sadie's surprise. The surgeon clarified: "I got five days leave."

"And Doctor Moore?"

"Zero days," a familiar voice interrupted, and Sadie spun around to see Maria Hill, wearing a grave expression. "Not until you do what we need you for."

"What could _possibly_ be more important than this?" Sadie argued, her blood boiling. Would her skills be limited just like they were at SHIELD, when they told her where she could and couldn't be, and who she could and couldn't treat?

"The Avengers are compromised," Maria told her, firmly. "We don't know much, but we know they need treatment."

"They have some training, don't they?" Sadie said. "Maria, I have to prioritise here. These people are civilians- some don't even know how to stop bleeding!"

"This time it's different, Isadora," Maria said, firmly. "This time, someone got in their brains."

Sadie frowned, trying to understand the vagueness of the statement. She'd heard about it before- some enhanced individual on the side of HYDRA? Or now Ultron? Mind control and telekinesis, perhaps this was the explanation then, for all of what the news was showing... but did that overpower the needs of those civilians?

"You go," Adrianne told her, after apparently seeing the conflict Sadie felt in her face. Her best friend could always read her like a book. "I got this."

Sadie took a deep breath, giving herself a mental reminder to give Adrianne the most love ever when they leave, and arrive back, and any day past that.

"Brief me."


	14. Safe House

**S** teve had forgotten about her. And he felt terrible for it. The vision the Maximoff girl had given him just reminded him of that fact- that he had left Peggy Carter behind for a new life in the twenty first century. When was the last time he'd gone to see her?

He was wondering about it all then- Peggy, the war, the life he would have had if it weren't for the serum. But then, if it weren't for the serum, he would have been dead.

Peggy's voice still echoed in Steve's head as he sat on the Quinjet, surrounded by his shell shocked friends. Clint was flying them to a location that Steve neither knew nor cared about.

_The war's over, Steve. We can go home._

Yes, the war was over. But there was no home left for him. It was to hard think of anyone who cared about Steve like Peggy Carter did. Bucky, maybe, when they were kids. But now he didn't even know who Steve was.

Perhaps Sadie?

As if his thoughts had beckoned her, Steve's phone lit up with Isadora's name from the floor beside him. He let it ring, vibrating in sync with the engine of the jet as he stared at her photograph and wondered. Then the ringing stopped. And started again, from Natasha's phone.

"Pick it up," he told the red-haired agent beside him, the first words he'd spoken in an hour. Natasha just glared at him with an eyebrow raised, as if to call him a hypocrite. He was.

The ringing stopped again. Natasha absentmindedly made a couple clicks on the phone, and Sadie's short voicemail played. She sounded worried, and he knew Nat wouldn't call her back. And he knew Sadie wouldn't stop worrying. So, Steve dialled her number instead.

 _Talk to me,_ she'd told him, and he dismissed her. Steve felt awful about it, but it was something he had to do. What was he supposed to say? He'd let himself get too close to Isadora Moore over the past year, and it was nobody's fault but his own.

He thought back to his vision. To when Peggy had disappeared, and that hall was left empty, and Sadie was there, with a bleeding chest and toxic words on her lips. _You did this._ There had been camera flashes- between that empty room and blood, when he'd felt so afraid- to that party, where he'd held Peggy in his arms and felt all that optimistic love like he used to. Before that plane went in the ice.

Steve had never felt so disoriented. And his head hurt. He decided to sleep off the rest of the journey. When he woke up, he'd have to pull himself together.

See, Peggy was only ever wrong about one thing in her life. Steve's heart wasn't big enough for two. He had to leave Sadie Moore alone. Before it all got worse.

~

_We can go home._

"Are you gonna come inside?" Sadie's voice caused Steve to finally snap out of thoughts as she joined him on the porch. Thor had just taken off to find 'answers' that Steve had no hope of finding for himself.

Arriving at Clint's home was arguably the most surprising thing to have happened that week. Seeing his colleague and friend surrounded by such love and joy warmed Steve's heart. For a moment. Until he remembered it was something he would never have for himself. And on top of all that, Sadie was there.

Of course Sadie was there, setting up, in her crisp doctor's coat, holding a bright yellow clipboard which she still tapped on now, as she sat herself down in one of the twin armchairs.

"Or, I guess you're just going to keep staring at the house like that," she said. Her voice was still distant in his ears. He should go inside, join Tony and the others. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to move. "Getting here was _so_ secretive. Took a chopper to an empty field and they put me in a car that drove itself. Not even the pilot knew where we were headed. I mean, I'm guessing we're south of NYC but that basically just leaves the whole country."

"What are you doing here?" Steve asked, dragging his eyes away from the house.

Sadie straightened her spine, a slight frown on her face. "I'm working."

"I thought I said I'd see you in New York," the words came out harsher than he intended.

"I thought I said I'm working," she repeated, firmly.

"You're supposed to be taking time off," he responded- how long had it been since her mother's diagnosis? A week and a half, maybe?

"God, Steve. Great to know you're glad to see me," Sadie sighed, tightening her hair tie. Then she stood and stepped towards him, her glowing hands ready. "Okay, c'mere."

"What do you plan on doing with those?" Steve asked, stepping back.

"I'll be honest, I don't know," Sadie said, gently. "I'm supposed to give you guys some... relaxation? Clarity, maybe?"

On any other day, Isadora Moore could give him both, without her healing. Today, her company put him on edge. That may have been why Steve found himself telling her: "I don't want it."

For a moment, hurt flickered across her face, and she looked down. Steve felt such a guilt he didn't know if he could look at her any longer. But then Sadie lifted her head, and the expression switched to simple professionalism. He didn't know which was worse.

"Well, I can't force you," Sadie said. "Is there anything else I can do? I'd recommend a quick neural check up, not more than five minutes."

"Help who you're gonna help and go home, Isadora," Steve forced himself to say the words with as much conviction as he could muster. It didn't feel like much.

"Maybe I should've went to Johannesburg," Sadie said, her tone still gentle despite his attitude. "They're short of doctors. Adrianne's there now."

And she came here instead. To help them, to help him. Steve wanted Sadie to leave, but he didn't want her going to Johannesburg either. After the state they'd left the city in, there was no telling how safe it was. But who was he to tell her where she couldn't go, while still pushing her away? If Bucky were here, he'd tell Steve he couldn't have his cake and eat it.

"Just know it's chaos over there," he warned, and she nodded.

"Look, I get that you don't wanna talk right now," Sadie started. "I'll respect that. But could you just tell me how I can help?"

"You can help by letting it go," Steve said, honestly. "By going back to New York- looking after yourself and your mom and staying far away from all of this."

"I gotta do my job first," Sadie answered, her face a solid mask. "I'll be out of your hair by the end of the day."

~

Isadora was not a fan of the attitude she was receiving from Steve, but she opted not to rise to it. Right now, she'd be doctor first, friend second if that's what he'd force her to do.

It seemed all the heroes needed her to be a doctor first- the overall energy of the country house was stagnated in a suffocating mood, and nobody seemed to be saying much. Apart from Clint, who seemed completely unaffected by the events of Johannesburg.

"What exactly happened over there?" Sadie asked the agent quietly, as she watched Natasha and Bruce who sat at the kitchen table, barely saying a word.

"They got some kinda witch on their side," Clint said, with a sigh. "She got in their brains, made them all see stuff, I don't know. Banner got the worst of it."

Sadie looked back over to where the doctor sat, his‍‍‍ head in his hands. She couldn't help but think of all the destruction and casualties on the news, and a steady unease went through her for a moment. But the more she looked at Bruce Banner, a man wracked with guilt and pain, she decided what she thought about him.

"It wasn't his fault," Sadie said, quietly, before continuing to sort through her medical bag.

"Well, I wish he'd realise that," Clint said, before excusing himself and heading back upstairs.

Sadie took a breath before approaching Natasha first. She crouched before her and conducted her regular neural exam- reflexes, coordination, mental status. Sadie was more than relieved when her friend passed all stages.

"My head is killing me," Natasha told her, when asked if she was feeling any symptoms.

"I can fix that," Sadie replied, letting her hands glow as she stood behind Natasha, placing them firmly on the agents head.

She could sense it- a certain pain that was different to a regular headache, and she did her best to heal it. Sadie wasn't sure how much it helped until she noticed her friend was beginning to relax her body, and told her the pain was gone. Sadie glanced over to Banner, but he was already shaking his head.

"All due respect, Doctor Moore," Banner said, his voice slightly shaky. "But the only person getting inside my mind from this point on is me."

"Wanna bet?" Natasha said, and Sadie rolled her eyes.

It didn't take her long to perform the same neural exam on Doctor Banner- getting Tony Stark to even take a seat, however, was a challenge that proved impossible. Sadie decided that if he was going to be a diva, then that was fine by her. At least, apparently, the billionaire and Steve Rogers alike felt well enough to chop some wood like the _men_ they were. Sadie refrained from rolling her eyes.

She stood on the porch then, her phone to her ear as the sound of the two heroes bickering blended in with the mosquitoes. She wasn't worried about the bites, as her scrubs and coat covered almost all her skin and she'd smothered bug spray on everywhere else. To her right, several metres away, Clint played with his children. They were certainly out of earshot, but she kept her voice low anyways.

"It all just makes me so thirsty, Shelly-girl," her mother's voice was weak through the phone, enough to cause a tear to fall down her face. "They gave me a kinda lollipop that's supposed to help, but all it does is wet my lips."

God, it hurt to hear her mother's struggle, the textbook side affects of chemotherapy. Sadie had known he'd be putting her through this when she'd urged Shan to seek treatment. And now she wasn't by her side.

"You can always ask them for an IV in between sessions," Sadie suggested, keeping her voice steady despite her stray tears. "Rehydration during chemo is very important."

"I know, Dr Shelly," even Shan's laugh was frail.

"I'll be back with you soon, Mom. I had to fly out here for work but I'm heading home at noon tomorrow," Sadie continued. Her peripheral vision showed her Steve heading back towards the house. She shifted to hide her face as he passed. "I will see you so soon."

"Shelly-girl," Shan said, brightly. "I'm glad you're working again. We have time, I never wanted you to pause your life. We're fighting this together, now, right?"

"Right," Sadie confirmed, keeping from choking up. "I love you, Mom. You got this."

It was only when her mother hung up that Sadie noticed Tony Stark nearby, his hands shoved into the jeans he'd borrowed from the house. He eyed her carefully as she wiped her tears in embarrassment, an unreadable look on his face. She hadn't noticed Clint and his family go, but it seemed all except herself and Tony were inside.

"You got a visitor in the barn," he said, at last, tossing her a pair of keys she could only assume fit a padlock. "Thought I'd let you know, Doctor Moore."

"Someone we know?"

"You think I'd pass it on if it was some rando?" Tony joked, and she couldn't help but laugh, despite how clogged her throat felt. He added, fairly simply: "Listen, Intern, we're all a mess on this team. We all have baggage. You're doing better than most of us."

"Woah," Sadie said, with mock surprise. "Is this coming from Mr Tony Stark? And did you just admit an 'Intern' is better than you?"

"Hey- I said most of us, not _me_. Don't feel special," Tony shrugged, before leaving to reenter the house.

The barn was both worn and fairly clean, with all sorts of tools, spare tires and even a whole tractor lying in the middle of it. Sadie could make out the dust in the air illuminated by the dying daylight and it was only fitting that Nick Fury would show himself at this time. There was always an air of mystery surrounding the man.

"Dr Moore," he greeted her simply.

"Director Fury," she answered out of habit. The lack of a reaction was all that told her no offence was taken.

"I heard you've had a tough go of it since I last saw you," Fury said. "But at least you're paying the bills."

Sadie stared at him for a moment, adding up the pieces in her head. The smug look on his face was all the confirmation she needed. "It was you. You put my application forward for the job. I mean, thanks but, you realise I don't like to be passive in my own career."

"You belong in this world," he answered, tossing forward a duffel bag. It landed with a thud in front of her. "Not some private clinic."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that as she crouched to unzip the duffel bag at her feet. She was met with a familiar grey and navy fabric, thick and sturdy. She closed the bag and stood.

"You've got the skills to make a difference," Fury said.

"Last time you tried to weaponise me, it ended in literal flames," she reminded him, sternly.

"That's because we were trying to make you something you're not," Fury admitted, stepping forward. "You powers are not made for combat, Moore."

Sadie narrowed her eyes at his tone. He was right, but she didn't like to be laughed at. "Well, thanks."

"You're made for something different," he added. "Something essential."

She pondered that for a moment. What else could she be good for- what else do they need? She wasn't a fighter, she was a healer. But the only lives she changes are the ones of the patients she's got. She stared down at the bag again.

"I don't know if I can accept this," Sadie said, gesturing to the bag with a sigh. "It doesn't feel right."

"Suit yourself," Fury shrugged. "But when the time comes, it'll be waiting for you."

She stared down at the bag again, and the weight of what it held inside. It was hard to look away from it, but she managed to.

"I was going to go and give the team a full report. Tell them they're all... physically okay," Sadie said, after her moment of silence. "You wanna come in and give them a much needed pep talk? Or would you rather hang out with the tractors?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so issa sticky one. Included Steve's PoV to help show why he's being so distant- he's still a sweet and caring boi but maybe too much so. I'm also well aware that this whole misunderstanding trope is well overdone but I'm a sucker for a cliche so we'll roll with it.
> 
> thoughts?
> 
> -Amber.


	15. Struggling Seouls

**"** **H** as anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?"

Sadie's heart dropped. This explained why Ultron spared Helen at the party- he was going to use her to make a body. The thought of her colleague being used that way made Sadie's stomach churn. She could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on her. For the entire conversation, she had been mostly quiet, unsure where she stood in all this. The Avengers and an extra. And now, they were all looking at her and she had nothing useful to say.

"Last I heard she's back in Seoul," Sadie explained from where she stood, leaning against the kitchen counter. "She flies back and forth between New York and there every other week."

"I thought she was an environmentalist," Tony spoke from across the room and Sadie rolled her eyes.

"None of us are environmentalists, we fly around like no tomorrow," Clint added and Tony nodded like it was a decent point.

"Struggling to find the relevance of this conversation, fellas," Natasha spoke, rolling her eyes not dissimilarly to Sadie. "If Ultron wanted a body- could Cho even do that?"

"The Regeneration Cradle is just that," Sadie continued. "It _re_ generates tissue. It can't make it from scratch. We just don't have the technology to make biomass like that."

"But Ultron has the sceptre," Steve countered, his voice in that low tone it had when he was figuring something out. "Dr Selvig was able to create technology he never dreamed of when he was under its influence."

"That was what helped create the wormhole in New York," Natasha added, and Sadie was grateful for the clarification. "So if it could enlighten him..."

"Then, it'll be happening again?" Sadie asked, and was rewarded with several nodding heads. She turned her back to the group, opting to stare out of the window than let them see the anxiety she knew was in her face. Helen Cho, who had always been so kind to her, was under Ultron's control?

"Dr Moore," Fury's voice was steady behind her, yet strangely like a warning as she took a deep breath. "Could you undo it? Could you free her, if we're right?"

Sadie thought for a moment. Thought about the rawness of her power, like a stem cell, able to adapt and change. But even stem cells needed coding to do so.

"I couldn't mimic the power of the sceptre," Sadie said. "I've never even seen it in action. But, maybe I could try and undo any damage in her mind. I'd have to get close enough."

"Catch a ride with us," Nat said, simply, and she was incredibly grateful. If Sadie was made to sit idly by while her colleague was in danger, she was sure she would lose her mind.

"I think that's the best route," Sadie nodded.

"Well, it's not like you can walk there, Intern," Tony spoke, and Sadie shot him a playful warning look. The truth was, she really didn't mind the nickname, rather she found it quite endearing that Stark had boiled down her extensive career in such a way. Most other people she met thought she was the smartest person on Earth.

"Natasha, Clint and I will tackle the Cradle while Isadora works on Cho," Steve said. "Whoever needs to go to NEXUS can finish the job over there and we'll reconvene at Avengers Tower after its all done."

"Who said you ever needed me?" Fury said, and yet there was a hint of pride in his voice.

The Avengers' turnaround was a sight to see. Within five minutes, everybody was suited up and ready to go- there was no hesitation, nobody taking up time in the mirror or any weakest link. It was all so quick that Sadie somehow managed to be the last one ready, even though she only had to pack away her things.

In the Quinjet, a thorough plan was formulated by Natasha and Steve as Clint piloted- Sadie listened only for the parts that concerned her and how she could help Helen.

"You'll be partnered with Cap while I go solo," Natasha said, clipping a small device into Sadie's ear. The static sent shivers down her spine before the audio cleared out, and Natasha's voice was amplified. "This is your communicator, if you hear your name, sharpen up. As long as you follow where Steve goes and keep your feet as light as possible, this should all go to plan."

"And if it doesn't?" Sadie asked. She didn't realise she was looking over at Steve, stood pensively a few metres away until Natasha turned her cheek.

"It will," Nat said, in the closest tone to reassuring she got.

"I just hope these are enough to help," Sadie said, nodding down at her hands.

Natasha simply nodded, with a casual shrug. "They will be. Hey, for all we know we could get there and be completely wrong."

"Not helping," Sadie said, only for Nat to give her an amused smirk before swaggering off to sit besides Clint at the front of the jet.

Steve was still stood statue still, and as Sadie walked closer, she noticed that in his hand was a dark green rosary which he held to his forehead.

"What are you praying for? Maybe I can send up an amen," Sadie tried, and he looked at her for the first time since they'd left the safehouse. There was a certain something in his eyes, like there were things he wanted to say, but wouldn't.

"These were my mom's," Steve said eventually, turning the beads over in his hands. Sadie pretended not to notice how he switched the topic. "She used to keep them on her, day and night. I never understood it until she died."

Sadie knew, she'd seen his medical history. And it seemed horrific. "You had them with you? When you went in the ice?" A swift nod. Sadie took a breath. "Steve, how are we going to get into that building? Do we need a disguise?"

It only took one look from him for her to understand. The Avengers don't use disguises.

"How good are you at climbing?"

"Well, I only climbed part of the Grand Canyon at twenty-one," Sadie grinned, still proud of herself for the accomplishment. "So I don't think I'm too bad. It'll be like muscle memory, right?"

If Steve was impressed by that, he didn't let her know. Instead, he gave her another nod and said: "Then we go in through the roof."

~

"What are you praying for?"

Steve had wanted to say it then- _I'm praying for you!_ because he was. He was praying that Sadie didn't get hurt, that she wouldn't get sucked deeper and deeper into all of this.

He should've asked her to go home when they'd talked at Clint's house, told her he wanted her safe more than anything else. Or he should have protested this plan, told them all they'd bring Cho back with the Cradle, instead. He should've sent her off with Tony to NEXUS, or back to Avengers Tower with Banner. He should've brought Cho to Sadie. Instead of risking bringing Sadie to Ultron.

Instead, Steve had froze up and went along with it all like a schoolboy, his usually quick mind failing to come up with any of these alternatives when it mattered most. He thought bitterly of the tag line they'd placed on his image. The man with a plan. Apart from, it seemed, when it came to Sadie Moore.

With the rosary in hand, Steve was reminded of his late mother, and her frequent reminders to 'just get on with it' that instantly grounded his busy brain. He'd get on with it, and he'd do his best.

~

It was not like muscle memory.

Sadie could feel her core shaking as she climbed the emergency ladder of the U-Gin Research Lab, with Steve close behind her. They'd argued at the bottom about who was to go first- Steve had wanted to lead the way, reasoning that there could be Legionnaires waiting at the top of the ten storeys and so he needed to 'protect' her. She tried not to scoff at that too much.

Sadie acted more concerned about who would catch her if she slipped, and stood firm in her argument that she would go first. The truth was, she'd predicted there may be Legionnaires as well. But Sadie decided very quickly that she would prefer to have time cover Steve with her forcefield in that event, as opposed to letting him pop over the side of the roof like a meerkat, completely vulnerable. Yes, he had a helmet, but she wasn't going to take any chances.

Essentially, neither person wanted the other to get hurt before they could help them. So they were in a catch twenty two until Sadie prevailed.

As she climbed closer to the roof, Sadie envisioned the familiar blue forcefield extending from her hands around herself and Steve. The entire building was glass, it was broad daylight, and yet they hadn't been seen? Sadie could only assume that meant one of two things: there was nobody watching the building, or there was an ambush waiting.

It turned out that this case was scenario number two.

As Sadie hauled herself over the side of the roof, she was greeting with a loud buzzing sound- she was being shot at. She held her forcefield firm as she stood, glancing up to see six Legionnaires, all heavily armed. Within moments, Steve was beside her, but the firing had stopped. It took a moment for Sadie to realise it had stopped because of her.

It was like instinct- Sadie flung her arms forward, throwing the power of the forcefield straight towards the Legionnaires, and sparks flew as the blue light sliced through their weapon clad metal arms. Then Steve threw his shield, and it ricocheted through each of the metal suits, breaking them down completely.

Sadie looked down at her hands in surprise before glancing back at Steve as she caught her breath. "Not bad, huh?"

There was something like relief in his eyes as he nodded, adding: "It's not over yet."

The inside of the research lab was completely trashed. Sadie had visited once before, briefly and only for a day, yet the place was barely recognisable. The lights flickered on and off, many windows were smashed, leaving broken glass on all floors and as they neared the lab where the Cradle was kept, sparks flew from broken cables.

Worse than all of it though, was the trail of injured people- eight of them in that lab, all of whom were dead. Sadie felt more and more hopeless as she checked each of their pulses, and closed each of their scared eyes, Steve still scouting ahead for any more Legionnaires.

When they reached the Cradle room though, there was no Cradle to be found, only Helen Cho, clammy, sweaty and bleeding from her chest. Sadie scanned the room for hazards, but it was all more of the same, so she and Steve rushed over to the bleeding woman on the ground.

"Helen," Sadie said, calmly checking for a response as she pulled out packing from a nearby drawer and pressed it against the area which oozed blood. "Helen, can your hear us?"

Helen only glanced between the two of them, desperation in her eyes. "He's uploading himself into the body."

"Where?" Steve asked, making to move further down the corridor, but Helen pulled him back.

"The real power is inside the Cradle. The gem, its power is uncontainable," Helen's voice was breathy and weak, and it pained Sadie to have to hear it. But still, the geneticist spoke her words with conviction. "You can't just blow it up. You _have_ to get the Cradle to Stark."

"First I have to find it," Steve said, and already he was on his way, taking off at a jog. Sadie could still hear his voice via her communicator as she held pressure on Cho's wound. "Did you guys copy that?"

Sadie zoned out of the conversation as the heroes worked on locating the Cradle. Instead, Sadie placed Helen's hand on the packing whilst she rooted around for scissors- it wasn't long before she found some.

"Helen, I'm going to cut through your uniform, take a proper look at the wound," she warned, and her colleague nodded weakly before Sadie proceeded.

The shot was horrific, the entry wound was as big as your average exit wound, and the said exit wound was enormous. The flesh around it was charred like it'd been burned, making Sadie wonder how Helen hadn't passed out already.

"It's mostly numb," Helen said, as if reading her mind. "I think the shock is what's protecting me."

"Helen, it's going to be okay," Sadie said, readying her hands in a glow. She then spoke into her communicator. "Hi- Clint? I know you're busy flying that thing but if the jet has emergency services on speed dial that'd be great- Helen's gonna need seeing to after all this."

"Copy that," Clint's voice was loud and clear in Sadie's ear as she began her work, but she only got part way into her healing when Helen grabbed her arm.

"No," she rasped. "Use the skills I've taught you."

"All due respect, Dr Cho," Sadie said. "But none of this equipment is safe to use. You gotta trust me on this."

Sadie held her friend and colleague's gaze with surety, until eventually, Helen nodded, and allowed her to work. Sadie focused on knitting the wounds closed, despite the noise through the communicators and the worry she felt hearing her friends under gunfire, even as she knew Steve was taking on Ultron himself.

It was only when Sadie heard her name that she clocked in.

"Cap, Moore, do either of you see Nat?" Clint's voice was linked with a panic, and Sadie did her best to keep herself calm as she continued to treat Helen. It was probably nothing anyway, and Nat would probably respond herself.

Steve's voice was the next to sound in Sadie's ears. "If you have the package, get it to Stark! Go!"

"Do you have eyes on Nat?" Clint asked again, and when there was no response from their friend, that was when Sadie realised this was much more serious than she'd thought.

Steve answered again, insisting that Clint leave, and Sadie had to try hard to keep her glowing hands steady. But before she could protest the decision to leave her friend behind, a group of paramedics rushed into the room, and Sadie was reminded harshly of what her priority was in that moment.

She was a doctor first. So, Sadie reported back to the paramedics as they lifted Helen onto the stretcher, but the geneticist still seemed panicked, pointing frantically at a stack of files but unable to talk through her oxygen mask. Sadie decided it was best to bring the files with them.

"Steve," Sadie spoke into her communicator as she boarded the ambulance with Helen. "Update me."

"Well, we stopped the train," Steve's voice was winded, and tired. But he was alive. Sadie couldn't describe her relief. "Ultron's gone." And Natasha with him. It was horrific. "What's the status on Cho?"

"The mind control hasn't made a reappearance," Sadie said. "I managed to heal her exit wound, now we're headed to Seoul University Hospital. She'll probably undergo surgery."

"We'll meet you there," Steve answered before the empty sound of static returned, and Sadie tuned out.

Throughout the journey to the hospital, Isadora continued to monitor Helen Cho, who only stared determinedly at the stack of files resting on the seat. Seoul University Hospital was a large place, but their trauma bay was one of the most efficient she'd ever seen. Within minutes, Helen had gone from the ambulance, to a trauma examination room, to surgery preparation. Sadie thought their efficiency rivalled Adrianne's trauma department back in New York, which was no easy feat.

"I'll be here when you get out," Sadie reassured the woman, squeezing her hand as the nurses readied the bed for moving. "Do you have anyone you want me to call?"

"They'll call everyone," Helen said, weakly. "But you go. Take those files back to the Tower, and make them into something we can use."

"What are they?"

"Ideas," she answered. "Ideas I was shown by the sceptre- _amazing_ things-"

"Helen, I don't know how much we can trust that," Sadie explained, following as the nurses wheeled the bed out into the corridor. "The sceptre seems to have its own ulterior motives."

"Which is why you have to be the only person to see those," Helen said. "I want you to filter them for me. Take out anything that could be weaponised. Leave only what's good."

Sadie could tell there would be no arguments, and they were running out of time regardless, so she nodded, told her colleague 'okay' and watched her go. She took the moment to send up prayers not only for Helen, but for Natasha Romanoff, too. And she swore that once she saw Steve, she'd slaughter him for leaving their friend behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another shorter chapter for you all- I usually try to get it to 20 pages at least but from this point on the rest of the movie's events happen extremely quickly so it made sense to stop here.  
> so Sadie's beginning to get a little more involved in the team but she's not quite Avenger status- although I think her and Steve work pretty well as a team, even when they're not quite getting along as normal
> 
> please let me know your thoughts, reading comments is my favourite thing ever!!!  
> -Amber.


	16. Something Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will include dialogue from the movie, but I've kept it as brief as possible.  
> Pronunciation guide:   
> Aceso- "Ak-seh-so", Greek, but you read it however doesn't disrupt the flow of your reading :)

**T** here was still no word from Natasha, and with each passing moment Sadie grew more and more anxious. She knew that the agent was capable of surviving on her own, but regardless that didn't stop the worry she felt in her chest.

The papers Helen had given Sadie felt like gibberish when her mind was so distracted, and it certainly didn't help that she was being stared at. Wanda and Pietro Maximoff sat on the other side of the Quinjet, watching her work from where she sat cross legged on the softly thrumming floor.

The twins were already on the jet when she had arrived, seemingly exhausted and asleep. Steve had explained how misunderstood he thought they were, but Sadie wasn't quite sure about that- especially when it came to Wanda. She had, after all, been the reason her friends were so shaken up only a day previously. So when Sadie noticed the twins awake again, she extended her blue forcefield around herself.

Once again, she stared down at the papers laid in front of her. So far, she had organised them into piles: great ideas, and terrible ideas. If this were a Venn diagram, most would lie in between. And there could be no unbiased third party to help her decided what was what- Helen had said these were for her eyes only.

Sadie felt Steve approaching by the familiarity of his steps. She busied herself with shuffling papers, reminding herself to stay calm.

"We need to debrief," he said, and instantly her head snapped up to look at him.

"Really?" Sadie asked. A nod. She stood, stepping close enough to stare right in his face, her forcefield causing him to stumble. "How about this- I learned a _major_ lesson today."

"Which was?"

"That _you're_ hot trash," Sadie said, as harshly as she could, without a worry in the world. Staying calm was never going to last long. "How could you leave Nat behind like that?"

"We couldn't compromise the mission," Steve answered calmly, seemingly unaffected by her insult. "Millions of lives would be at stake. Natasha would've made the same call. And Clint will find her."

"You better hope he does," Sadie said, still not dropping Steve's gaze. "How are you so casual about all this? Just another day at the office?"

"Actually, yes," He said, standing his ground even in front of her enlarging forcefield. "This is what we signed up for. It's not glamorous, but it's life. Now, you wanna lower this thing?"

Sadie didn't lower her forcefield. But she shrunk it down a little. "Aren't you meant to be piloting?"

"It's on auto," he said. "Listen, if this is getting to be too much, we can take you home. Just let me take you home."

"Why, because I'm calling you out on your crap? No. I'm going to the lab to sort out these files," Sadie said, bitterly. "And I don't wanna hear a _word_ from you unless it's to tell me that Natasha is safe."

"Ultron won't kill your friend," Pietro Maximoff said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world. "Not when he could use her."

"It's not how he operates," Wanda spoke next, her voice quiet and collected. "He'll keep her alive. Try to use her to lure you in."

"Fantastic," Sadie said, shooting daggers at Steve who still stood there, tall and strong as if he hadn't done anything wrong. "That's really reassuring."

"Hey, we tried," Pietro replied, and Sadie could tell they really did.

The kids looked exhausted, completely worn out, and her every instinct told her not to let her guard down, but Sadie couldn't help but feel for them. They were covered in cuts and bruises and their eyes were weak. She'd tried not to look at them too much for this very reason; she knew she'd cave in. But now, Sadie had been looking for far too long to ignore them.

She dropped her forcefield, instead letting her hands glow in their familiar way as she approached them. "Let me sort you two out."

The rest of the journey was mainly quiet, with Sadie healing the twins' injuries and Steve flying them home. When she finally sat down again to read the files, Sadie could hear him trying Stark every couple minutes, all to no success. She knew there'd be drama when they reached the Tower, and planned to stay well out of the way.

In that moment, though, she prayed that Tony would be done with his work by the time they got there. Maybe he could do something with the Cradle that could end this madness, and get Natasha back. If she voiced that to Steve, he'd probably want to throw her off the plane.

Sadie looked at the digital clock- they were still ninety minutes out. That was enough time for some shut eye. She dreamt of superbots, and Helen Cho, and Natasha calling home, and Steve apologising for being a jerk. When she woke though, she wasn't positive the last one was a dream, as she found herself wrapped up in a scratchy but warm blanket. Perhaps he'd wanted to talk to her before realising she was sleeping. Still- it didn't count, Sadie decided, unless she was sure it was true.

Sadie found herself calling her mother again, out of habit and worry. The sound of the ringing was anxiety inducing.

"Hello?" Shan said after the ringing stopped, and Sadie was immensely relieved.

"Just checking in," Sadie said, lowly. "Any updates for me?"

"They got a surgeon in from another hospital," her mother explained. "I think he might be able to help me beat this. He said _there's no such thing as inoperable when you go to Dr Stephen Strange."_

"Wow," Sadie said, with a low whistle. She'd met Dr Strange twice before- once when she'd attended his lecture in Vienna, and again when he'd criticised hers in Manhattan. "Adrianne really isn't pulling any punches fighting this thing. Strange is excellent. If not a little cocky."

"I would rather have someone cocky than underconfident," Shan said. "When will you be back, Shell?"

"A couple days at the least," Sadie said, feeling a tight guilt in her chest. "I'm sorry. Everything's up in the air at the moment."

"Sadie," Steve said from behind her, as the Quinjet doors opened to the landing pad. "We've landed."

Sadie didn't respond, instead ending the phone call with a promise that she'd see her mother soon and an _'I love you'_ , before she fell into step with Steve as he walked out onto the landing pad.

"How is she?" He asked, and Sadie had to admit she was surprised to hear it from him after how she'd yelled.

"Struggling," she answered honestly. "But strong. Her memory's been improving with the chemo. Hoping that means she's beating that thing."

"That's great to hear," Steve replied, and she knew he meant it.

They continued in silence, the twins behind them, and Sadie could practically feel the energy off Steve as he walked with a slight swagger that she'd seen from him before. Always right before a fight. It reminded her of the kids from her neighbourhood growing up, the ones who'd find themselves in fist fights daily. It reminded her of her sister, who walked around that way twenty-four seven in her teen years when she last knew her

Sadie found herself reaching for Steve's gloved wrist and tugging him back, so he came to a full stop before they entered the tower. That said, something told Sadie he'd stopped because he chose to, and not because of the harshness of her touch. He looked at her with some surprise, but she didn't let go as she twins overtook them, pausing a couple meters away.

"Don't go starting a fight, now," Sadie ordered, firmly. "We do _not_ need you and Stark tearing each other apart right now. Or ever."

"I'm not starting anything he hasn't already," Steve said, only annoying her further. "I'm trying to finish it."

"Just remember that you're a team," she said, finally releasing his wrist. "And keep the noise down while I work."

"You do know it's _their_ tower, right?" Pietro reminded her, the rolling r's giving him the nonchalant and flippant tone she'd noticed was permanently attached to the boy.

"Yes," Sadie said, moving off towards the lab. "Keep the noise down while I work."

The truth of the matter was that Sadie hardly had enough time to set down her things before there was the sound of a shot and shattering glass from several rooms over. Perhaps it was her annoyance from the days events, but she found herself marching in the direction of the sound- and what she saw was chaos of a different breed.

All the heroes fought each other, Steve blocking Tony's shots and hitting back with his shield- Clint rushing in, even Banner held Wanda in a headlock for a moment before she escaped.

Sadie threw up a forcefield as a stray blast headed her direction. She couldn't believe all of this was happening right beside the Cradle- the most precious piece of medical technology of their generation, and it was about to be destroyed over a family feud.

When Steve and Tony both managed to throw each other backwards, Sadie finally decided this had to stop. She couldn't imagine how Helen would feel if she saw how her life's work was being treated. It wasn't right.

"Just _stop!"_ Sadie worked hard to project her voice above the noise. Miraculously, there was a pause from everyone. "You're going to break each other's backs and then _I'll_ have to fix you up. Does nobody here know how to communicate?"

Ironically, that was when Thor burst in without a word, leaping onto the Cradle without a care, and bringing lightning down upon it. White, hot, searing lightning that Sadie felt Steve drag her away from, as her eyes stung and watered from the brightness. The floor beneath her feet vibrated as she leaned against Steve, blinking, and unable to see much else.

Eventually however, the lightning stopped, but it was followed by a quick blast from the Cradle as the glass smashed. The shattered glass left small cuts on Sadie's forearms as she failed to lift a forcefield fast enough. It seemed unimportant, though, as right before her, life was made.

Seeing, breathing, _life_.

The figure was of a colour Sadie had never seen on a person before- it's skin smooth and almost metallic in places, and in the centre of it's forehead, was a glowing amber gem that was almost blinding. Then, the figure hurtled out of the room, _flying_ somehow, before halting abruptly in front of a window, staring out into the city.

Steve and Thor leapt over the balcony, but the rest of them took the stairs, approaching with caution. The entire room was in tense silence.

"I'm sorry, that was...odd," it spoke to Thor directly, and Sadie was suprised to hear it had the voice of a man. "Thank you."

"Thor, you helped create this?" Steve said, still with that accusatory tone she knew caused trouble.

"I had a vision. A whirlpool that sucks in all hope of life and at it's center is that," Thor said calmly, pointing to the figure's head.

"What, the gem?" Banner asked, and Sadie was relieved she wasn't the only one confused.

"It's the Mind Stone," Thor continued. "It's one of the six Infinity Stones, the greatest power in the universe, unparalleled in its destructive capabilities."

"Then, why would you bring it to-"

"Because Stark is right," Thor answered, to everyone's surprise.

"Oh, it's definitely the end times," Banner said lowly.

"The Avengers cannot defeat Ultron," Thor said, once again.

"Not alone," the figure spoke again, shocking Sadie slightly from where she stood. He was like a wax figure in all ways, stature, mannerisms and yet his voice was _real_ with each word.

"Why does your "vision" sound like JARVIS?" Steve asked Tony, who sighed almost exasperatedly.

"We...we reconfigured JARVIS' matrix to create something new," Tony said, sounding just as in awe as the rest of them.

The only person who didn't seem amazed was Steve, ever on the defensive mode. "I think I've had my fill of new."

"You think I'm a child of Ultron?" the 'Vision' asked, as if in simple need of clarification.

"You're not?"

"I'm not Ultron. I'm not JARVIS. I am...I am..." Vision himself seemed unsure of what he was, but Sadie didn't mind that. She believed him when he said he wasn't Ultron, if he was then they'd all be blown halfway to hell by now. No, this was something different.

"I looked in your head and saw annihilation," Wanda said bitterly, as a reminder to them all.

"Look again," Vision said.

"Their powers," Thor said, gesturing to the twins, "The horrors in our heads, Ultron himself- they all came from the Mind Stone, and they're nothing compared to what it can unleash. But with it on our side-"

"Is it?" Steve asked Vision suddenly, before correcting himself. "Are you? On our side?"

"I don't think it's that simple," Vision explained, worrying them all until he elaborated. "I am on the side of life. Ultron isn't, he will end it all."

"What's he waiting for?" Tony asked.

"You."

"Where?"

"Sokovia. He's got Nat there too," Clint said, and Sadie breathed a sigh of relief at the news, the hope, that they could get her back.

"If we're wrong about you," Banner warned Vision, firmly. "If you're the monster that Ultron made you to be..."

"What will you do?" Vision looked at them, a realisation in his eyes. Sadie knew it too. The Avengers would destroy him.

"I don't want to kill Ultron. He's unique, and he's in pain," Vision began, still calm and collected. "But that pain will roll over the earth, so he must be destroyed. Every form he's built, every trace of his presence on the net, we have to act now. And not one of us can do it without the others."

For whatever reason, Sadie found herself drawn in and invested in his words- it was like hypnosis it seemed, the entire room silent and listening.

"Maybe I am a monster," he continued. "I don't think I'd know if I were one. I'm not what you are, and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me. But we need to go."

Sadie's jaw dropped as Vision held up Thor's hammer with ease- this mighty weapon all others had failed to lift, and there it was in front of them, right in Vision's palm. Even as he handed it over to Thor, everybody still stared in silence.

"Right," Thor said, awkwardly, patting Tony on the shoulder. "Well done."

"How big will the fight be?" Sadie found herself asking, abruptly, before everyone began to leave.

"Sadie," Steve said, instantly, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. "It's not safe."

"There's people I can help."

"There's people she can help?" Tony echoed, with interest. Sadie nodded.

"I did well the last time, Steve," she reminded him, but he still looked unconvinced.

"What are you talking about?" Thor asked, with a frown.

"I can... mimic powers," she said, letting her hands glow. "I used them to heal people in Afghanistan, and again last year during the fight against HYDRA. I can use them again."

"As far as I'm concerned, Intern, you're on the team!" Tony said simply, with a quick drum on the table.

"No," Steve said, again, stepping closer to her. "Sadie, _please-"_

"Sorry, Cap," Tony interrupted, giving Steve a pat on the shoulder. "You're outnumbered on pretty much everything tonight."

"All due respects, Captain," Vision's voice seemed to echo in Sadie's head. "But if Doctor Moore can help even a single soul, it will be worth the journey."

"Look, it's okay," she said, exclusively to Steve, who looked worried, and annoyed, and angry. "This is what I'm made for. This is why I've got these skills."

This was something different.

Steve still looked torn, but he took a breath and said to the team: "Fine. Three minutes. Get what you need."

"Moore," Tony called to her, as everyone parted to prepare. "I got something for you."

Sadie had a feeling she knew, but she followed him up the stairs and into a room anyway, where he tossed a familiar duffel bag into her arms.

"Gift from Fury," he told her.

"I know," she sighed, unzipping the bag and staring down at the suit.

"No time for hesitation, Intern. You gotta pick, between that and your scrubs," Tony reminded her, pointedly. "Here's a hint: it's gonna be one hell of a fight, and only one of your options has a bulletproof vest."

Sadie couldn't argue with that as she took the thick material into her hands, tracing the lines of the navy lapel.

"Hey, if you impress us today, I might even get you an upgrade," Tony said, playfully, before leaving her to change in silence.

Perhaps it was time she put the suit back on. After all, it was no different to her army uniform, or her doctor's coat- it was simply going to help people identify her. Of course, there was a larger meaning too, she couldn't deny.

But this was it. This was what she was made for. Something different.

Sadie changed as fast as she could, fastening endless buckles and straightening all kinds of fabric. Before she left, she glanced at herself in the mirror, at the suit she hadn't worn in years. A pale blue, almost white exterior, with hues of navy panelling.

She checked her old grey utility belt that held her medical supplies and a single pistol for 'emergencies'. Sadie stared at the arm bands, the familiar, universal symbol of the red cross bright against the dark grey.

The same symbol was embroidered onto a grey hat, not dissimilar in style to the old vintage caps nurses used to wear, beside it's size and tailoring. The material, though, was sturdy and strong, telling her it served as protection as opposed to an accessory. But still, the red cross was bright- a reminder of who she was. Doctor first.

Sadie pulled her curls into a bun and placed the cap atop her head. It felt oddly like a crowning. This was it, she supposed. These powers- she would truly have to put them to use.

She remembered the name they'd given her- the name of a Greek deity. _Aceso_ , of the healing process. Sadie knew she was no goddess, but the name was printed small on her lapel anyway.

When Sadie joined the others, she was grateful none of them looked twice at the outfit she wore. It was a silly thing to worry about then, since it wasn't a fashion show, but she was suddenly very conscious of her stomach highlighted by the light material. She put her hands on her hips.

"It looks good," Clint said, passing by her. "I don't know what you were worried about, Aceso."

It was odd, to hear herself called that again. Sadie shrugged it off. "Who said I was worried?"

"Stark did," he shrugged. "Said he had to give the Intern a pep talk."

She rolled her eyes, but before she could rustle up a quick response, she was interrupted by command from behind her.

"Sadie, get your energy up," Steve called, and she dropped her glove as she turned to catch the apple and water he threw her way. "Where'd the suit come from?"

"SHIELD made it for me when I was training," Sadie explained. They'd only managed to get her in it twice. "But it doesn't mean I'm any different. I'll stay out the way, I'll treat the wounded and that's all."

"You don't have to explain yourself. It's good, it'll protect you," Steve said, with a slight nod. Then he frowned down at her scratched forearm, that she'd cleaned the glass out of. "Why don't you heal that?"

Sadie held back her laugh. "That'd be a waste of energy."

"Then bandage it."

"Gotta keep my supplies."

"Then _heal it."_

"Fine," Sadie laughed, running her glowing hand over the scratches. "Satisfied?"

"Yes," Steve said, matter-of-factly, as she pulled on her gloves. "Let's go."

When they boarded the Quinjet, everybody was waiting already. Clint in the piloting seat as usual, Tony and Bruce making tweaks to some kind of computer system, Thor and Vision conversing quietly, and the twins communicating in their native language. Steve cleared his throat as Sadie paused behind them, and the team all looked his way.

"Right, everybody listen up. Ultron knows we're coming," Steve said, his tone suddenly commanding and powerful. Sadie understood why he held onto the title of 'Captain'. "Odds are we'll be riding into heavy fire, and that's what we signed up for. But the people of Sokovia, they didn't. So our priority is getting them out."

"I think you'll find it difficult to get Sokovians to listen to the Avengers," Wanda spoke.

"No, but they'll listen to the two of you," Tony said, directly to the twins, who still seemed to hold some reservations against the man. Sadie couldn't blame them after everything she'd heard about their story.

"It's going to be difficult. All they want is to live their lives in peace, and that's not going to happen today," Steve continued, and once again, all attention fell on him. "But we can do our best to protect them. And we can get the job done, and find out what Ultron's been building."

"We find Romanoff," He shot a look towards Sadie, and she raised her eyebrows, still incredibly pissed. "-and we clear the field. Keep the fight between us."

For the first time, Steve hesitated in his speech. His previously consistent eye contact drifted towards the floor, his open body language converting to crossed arms. Then he took a breath, opening up, and lifted his head.

"Ultron thinks we're monsters, and we're what's wrong with the world," he said, and somehow the silence grew quieter. "This isn't just about beating him. It's about whether he's right."

The silence lingered as the whole group contemplated, heads bowed like a prayer. Sadie stepped closer to Steve, placing a hand on his back for a moment. He didn't lean in to her touch, but he didn't push her away either (to her surprise). Instead, he just looked at her, giving her a nod in answer to her silent question. She stepped away.

"Buckle up," Clint said, sitting himself back in the pilot seat. "We're going to Sokovia."


	17. Hysterical Strength

**S** okovia was cold, grey and quiet. Cold, as to be expected from Eastern Europe, grey from the clear poverty of the place, and quiet since the population was undergoing a mind-controlled evacuation. It was crazy to see it all, but Sadie couldn't say she was surprised. She'd seen some incredible things in the last six years since her hands first glowed in Afghanistan, so Sadie Moore had come to expect the unexpected.

"Aceso?" a voice through the communicator Sadie recognised as Steve's. It took her a moment to realise the name referred to her. "How's progress on your side?"

"Not bad," Sadie said. "We should have this group out in the next half hour."

"Copy. We'll try and get you those thirty minutes."

Sadie glanced down at the long line of elderly and disabled that she and Pietro were organising. Of course, his superspeed was handy for efficiently loading the vehicles with supplies and blankets for the road, but that wasn't all that made the boy a perfect partner for this task.

Pietro Maximoff- despite his quick limbs, and even quicker mouth- demonstrated excellent bedside manner. Sadie thought it was a shame he never had the opportunities she had, since he clearly showed all of the soft skills necessary for medicine.

She thought of the countless medical interns she'd taught over her career, of how many were real cowboys- in it for the money or their family name. Maximoff's care put them all to shame.

"Maybe you should have my job," Sadie said to him, playfully, as they helped an elderly woman up the bus steps. "Dr Maximoff!"

"I never liked to study," he laughed. "That was always Wanda's speciality."

"Nobody _likes_ to study," she answered. "They just pick something to strive for."

"I'd rather have something to _stride_ for," he said, before running off in a jet of light. Sadie felt a rush of wind behind her, as her uniform's hat went flying off her head. By the time she moved to catch it, Pietro was already standing a meter away, frowning down at the cap in his hands before placing it on his head. "This doesn't seem to have much purpose. And I thought you were a doctor not a nurse?"

Sadie reached forward to snatch it off him with a laugh, clipping it back onto her braided head. "SHIELD always did prioritise aesthetics. But it's cute and I like it. How'd you do that speedy thing, anyway?"

"I just go," Pietro shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Hey team!" Tony's voice echoed through the comms. "Just a heads up, all those Legionnaires are crawling your way like zombies."

Sadie instantly looked back over at Pietro. "Do your speedy thing again."

"Why are you calling it that? It's more than speed," Pietro argued. _"You_ just copy people."

"Oh, I'm well aware. Just get all these people on those buses, as fast as you can," she said, light from her hands glowing through the leather of her gloves as two Legionnaires approached. "They might feel nauseous after, but better that than dead."

Pietro simply nodded quickly, before jetting off again, moving in his bright streaks of light behind her as the Legionnaires grew closer.

"Dr Moore," one spoke, its voice chilling and invasive, as more of Ultron's copies followed behind it. "So they brought you to try and clean their mess. Gave you a big girl name. _Aceso."_

"They brought me to help who you're trying to kill," Sadie said, glancing behind her to see Pietro's progress. Quick was an understatement. She let her hands glow brighter, gathering the energy inside her gloves.

"It's a shame you had to come here. Play dress up like the rest of them. I would have spared you," it continued. Her hands were shaking now, but she held onto her energy until no more Legionnaires followed the dozen in front of her. "You don't have the strength for violence..."

Sadie envisioned the light from her hands extending how it had in Seoul, except this time the blast was more efficient, the leather gloves helping her precision as her power sliced through each of the bots surely and confidently as if it were a knife. She stepped over to one of the figures that held a remnant light, and stared right in its face.

"You think?" she asked, with a raised eyebrow, before bringing her foot down on it, hard. Pietro paused beside her, barely out of breath. Sadie turned to see all three buses fully loaded, and signaled for the drivers to get going. "Right, off you go. You see anyone that needs treatment let me know. You did good here."

"You too," he said, with impressed nod towards the broken Legionnaire, and Sadie pretended to brush dust off her shoulders before he took off again.

The communications were chaos in Sadie's ears as she wandered through the city, glowing hands ready to treat the cuts and gashes of the fleeing locals who needed it the most. She could hear the Avengers calling to each other, but mentally tuned out, focusing instead on scouting for patients within the chaos of the interrupted evacuation.

Legionnaires attacked every five steps she took, until it was a greater conservation of energy to play defense with a forcefield than to fight. Fighting, despite the orders and instructions over comms, was not her purpose here.

Soon though, Sadie realised that perhaps listening would have been the better option, as now the ground beneath her feet was rumbling, and she had no clue what was happening. By instinct, her eyes darted around her, looking for cover when she noticed a sturdy looking building, with an even sturdier looking doorway. Sadie ran over to it, gracelessly stumbling over the cracks in the ground until she reached the doorway and steadied herself against it.

"Hey team," she said into the static of her communicator. "Anybody know what this earthquake is?"

In return, Sadie heard only the clashing of multiple voices, the audio cracking as everybody talked over each other. She made out one thing though- the voice of Wanda Maximoff in a panic.

_"The city's going up!"_

Sure enough, Sadie could see it now. A short distance away, the ground was rising, buildings crumbling around the seams. She could hear screaming of the Sokovians as debris fell around her and she knew there would be deaths here if she didn't protect them. But she had to get on that rock. Could she do both?

She looked down at her hands, already glowing, and decided on a plan. A silly, reckless plan, which she had no idea would work, but she had to try.

Sadie charged forward, against the crowd of fleeing citizens, shouting instructions for them to take cover as she let the light from her hands extend into the largest forcefield she'd ever mustered. A canopy above the fleeing crowd, straining against the weight of the debris as she ran, already feeling the energy draining out of her. But she would have to power up if she was going to get onto that rock, where she would be needed most.

She ran faster, and every second, a way up was getting more and more out of reach. She imagined if she were Natasha, or Steve, this would be a simple task. But for Sadie, her thighs burned and her lungs were on fire and there was a drilling in her head as she leapt as high as she could, grabbing onto an extended pipe and holding on for dear life as the rock continued to increase in altitude.

She glanced down, glad to see that her forcefield was still in tact, but in every moment, it was getting further and further away as the rock rose. So, she'd achieved her aim. She was on her way to where she was needed. But there was still a long way up, and the pipe was so smooth she could slip incredibly easily. And if she fell now- she couldn't shield herself without leaving those on the ground vulnerable. If she were to fall onto that forcefield from this height- she would break her spine at the least. And the alternative was falling onto solid ground- which would surely kill her.

Sadie had no choice but to pull herself up- the adrenaline rushing through her blood seemed to give her a newfound strength, a strength she knew only came in a scenario of life and death. Like this one.

Sadie knew that her body was in pain as she climbed, but her attention was made so sharp by the hormone, that she barely noticed the muscles in her arms being pulled, the strain in her neck. There was a pressure in her chest as the air thinned around her, but she was reassured by the knowledge that the passages in her lungs would be dilated, that the oxygen uptake levels in her blood would be spiked. She knew that her rapid thinking and reflexes as she avoided falling rocks, was a product of her body and mind on overdrive.

Sadie thought oddly of a story she'd heard at that conference in Vienna, an example Stephen Strange had pulled up of a case he'd tackled- a woman who had spent 4 hours with a half crushed skull, saved only by the hysterical strength and the lengths her body had gone to keep her alive. She thought of her mother, waiting for her in New York, so excited by the prospect of a world class surgeon treating her. She thought of her mother, and decided.

Sadie Moore would not die today.

Soon enough, she'd made it to the surface, gasping for breath as she took cover from the fighting, wishing she had water for her sandpaper throat. If she ever did this again, she'd have to bring some in her utility belt.

There was a horrible echoing throughout the air, a chorus reverberating through Sadie's bones- Ultron's choir relaying his words.

"You rise, only to fall..." Sadie dragged herself to stand, walking out of her cover and onto the street, where people ran and Legionnaires sent flying blasts.

"You, Avengers, you are my meteor, my swift and terrible sword..." Sadie flung out her arms, sending light extending from them. Her right sent protection to the civilians around her, her left sliced through the Legionnaires and their words. But only more followed.

"The earth will crack with the weight of your failure..." She could feel her forcefield beginning to buckle, and focused all her energy onto it until she and a group of people had backed away into cover. _"The only thing living in this world will be metal."_

Sadie noticed a woman her mother's age in the crowd she'd moved, with a small boy at her side, a gash on her left leg. There was a man, a student by the looks of, with a laceration to his forehead. A baby in it's mother's arms, crying loudly. She put Ultron's words out of her head.

Now. Now, her work had begun.

~

"I don't need any help," the man before Sadie insisted. Aleksy, his name was- a very muscular and capable man in any other scenario, she was sure. But today, Sadie had spotted him lying on the bridge, his leg stuck under an indented car. "Just get this off me and I'll be fine."

"I need to know how long you've been trapped. Crush injuries can be more harmful than you know," Sadie said, choosing not to share the details.

She didn't share that he most likely felt alright because his nerves had been crushed. That if he had been stuck for more than a critical period, there would be so many toxins built up in the lower part of his leg, that lifting him from under the car would send a flood of poison to the rest of his body, leaving him instantly septic.

"Only fifteen minutes," Aleksy said. Too long. She would have to work quickly. "Dr Moore, will you please get me out, and let me go?"

"I'll get help," Sadie said, glancing over the car to where Steve fought more bots, as civilians fled. She spoke into her earpiece. "Cap, when you've finished your dance with those Legionnaires, I could use your help over here."

"You okay?" He asked, pausing for a moment to look her way, and she gave him a thumbs up as he tossed his shield.

"Got a patient trapped under a car," Sadie explained, turning back to Aleksy and assessing the damage. "I'll put a forcefield up against those bots while you lift this- that way they can't stab you in the back."

"Copy," Steve said, and she stood to do just as she'd said, while he jogged over.

"You'll have to lift it quickly as you can when I say- turn it on its side, out of the way so I can work, and you can get back to those," Sadie said to Steve, gesturing to the Legionnaires taking shots at her forcefield. She turned to Aleksy again. "Aleksy, when he lifts this, it's going to hurt-"

"I can take it," he nodded, confidently. Steve gave her a look- a raised eyebrow, a smirk held back- that told her that even though he didn't mean to be insensitive, he wouldn't make anywhere near as good a doctor as Pietro would.

"I know you can, big guy like you, it's easy," Sadie said, rummaging through her utility belt until she found what was left of a roll of bandages- already out of their packaging and therefore no longer sterile. She held it out to Aleksy. "But if you want to bite down on this, it'll be like a jaw workout!"

Aleksy managed a short laugh at that. "I _am_ a health fanatic."

It was refreshing, to be able to converse with a patient, set him at ease. She'd felt like she was failing to do her job with the others, unable to approach the language barrier any more than the few words Pietro and Wanda had taught her on the jet. Although, she would be surprised if Aleksy stayed awake to talk through the lifting.

"Right, Steve, on my signal," Sadie said, and the supersoldier braced himself. She frowned at his form, placing her hand on his spine to straighten it. "Keep your back straight. Once you lift this, you _cannot_ drop it."

Steve just looked at her with a laugh, slightly taken aback. "Alright, boss. You know, I've been lifting things longer than you've known me."

"Yeah, Dr Moore, lifting a car is a piece of cake!" Aleksy's voice was a mumble beneath the bandage he held in his mouth, and Sadie let herself laugh at that, before nodding to Steve, who began to move the car slowly and carefully at first.

Alesky's laughter became groans of pain as he bit down on the roll, and by the time Steve had swiftly pushed the car onto its side, Sadie's patient was already passed out. She instantly slid over to his side, letting her glowing hands wander over his leg, blue from lack of blood and cold. In any other case, this would require amputation.

Steve was already gone by the time she let the forcefield down, which she assumed meant he was back to fighting, but she didn't spare a moment to look. She made priorities in her mind, first tackling the inevitable toxin build-up by focusing not on Aleksy's leg, but his abdomen.

She imagined the toxins working through the lympatic system, his liver and kidney cells working overtime, cleansing the blood within minutes until the skin in his leg pinked up, and Aleksy's eyes began to flutter open. Then she moved onto the crush injury, letting her power build up the tissue again, until no crush was evident. She stood, helping a shocked Aleksy to his feet.

"How?" he asked, leaning against her, and she shrugged. The truth was, she really didn't know. All she knew was that this was a part of her.

"Off you go, find cover," she grinned, before gesturing to his now functional leg. "Now it's like you never skip leg day."

"I never _do_ skip leg day, Dr Moore," he said, before she urged him to run off, and off he went, autonomous. Sadie couldn't help but feel proud of herself. Fulfilled.

"Stark, you worry about bringing the city back down safely," the voice over comms was Steve, stood several metres away, while there was a lull in the attack. "The rest of us have one job, tear these things apart. You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed... walk it off."

Sadie couldn't help but roll her eyes, busying herself with counting the stock in her utility belt until the conversation over the communicators changed. Steve approached her, stepping over debris and broken Legionnaires.

"You okay?" he asked, rubbing her back and she bent to fix her boots.

"Well, it's like you said," Sadie smirked, as she straightened up, hyper aware of his touch and his closeness. She turned her voice into a low, playful impression. _"Walk it off."_

"Haha," Steve said, sarcastically, but she could tell he wanted to smile so she nudged him in the ribs to let his real laugh escape, and he batted her away.

"How about you two stop flirting and get to work?" a familiar voice sounded from behind them, and Sadie turned to find Natasha striding towards them, casually tossing the head of a Legionnaire between her hands.

"I made a man walk again, Romanoff, I'm doing just fine!" Sadie shouted, as she jogged over to her friend, hugging her tightly. Although Natasha, being the woman she was, barely hugged her back, instead, patting Sadie on her head, causing her cap to squash her brow. "I'm _so_ glad you're okay, Nat."

"Sorry to this break up," Steve said. "But the two of you might wanna keep your eyes up."

Sure enough, the momentary quiet didn't last, and there were suddenly even more Legionnaires around them. Sadie let her hands glow once more, harbouring her energy, before letting the light take down the ones that attacked.

As Steve and Natasha tossed the shield between each other, Sadie realised this wave was heavier than any of the ones previous, and the Legionnaires managed to knock her down more than the few times. She could feel blood in her throat each time she stood up again, could finally feel her torn muscles and throbbing headache. This was not the time for adrenaline to wear off.

But she did her best, and soon enough, she, Steve and Natasha had cleared the area, and there was an eerie silence as they made their way through the now foggy city to find more people to help. No, not fog, she realised upon feeling the dampness of the air- clouds.

It was beginning to get hard to breathe as they helped people into buildings and out of the cold.

"Everyone," Sadie spoke into the communicator, as she jogged on the spot to stop her shivers. "Temperature's dropping fast. Keep moving and keep yourselves warm- doctor's orders."

"The next wave's gonna hit any minute," Steve said. "What have you got, Stark?"

"Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city," Tony's voice was defeated, nothing like his usual self. It took Sadie several moments to comprehend his words. "That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear."

"I asked for a solution, not an escape plan," Steve said firmly. She could barely see him through the fog.

"Maybe there's a way to slow it's descent," Sadie suggested, desperately. "Maybe there's a third option here."

"The impact radius is getting bigger every second," Tony said, confirming her suspicions that she was wrong. "We're going to have to make a choice."

"Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock-" Natasha's voice, disjointed. Sadie stumbled towards their silhouettes.

"Not 'til everyone's safe," Steve said, as Sadie reached them.

She looked out at the sky in front of them. Clouds that went on for miles, a blue that wasn't previously visible over the overcast from the ground. Sadie felt sick to her stomach. They would all die here, all of them. The patients she had treated, given hope to- the team she'd come to call her friends, everyone.

She thought of her mother, and reached for her cracked phone in her belt. With shaking hands, she sent a text she hoped would reach her. She knew it wouldn't.

_Mom, I love you the most!_

Sadie wanted it to seem cheerful, she didn't want her mother to know she was ever this scared, that she knew what was coming. But if that text sent, she could go satisfied.

_Message not delivered._

"There's worse ways to go," Natasha's voice snapped Sadie out of her thoughts. "Where else am I gonna get a view like this?"

Sadie didn't care for the view. She didn't think there was anything that could comfort her in that moment.

Then Steve looked at her, his expression softer than she'd ever seen it through all of this, and took her gloved hand in his. She watched his breathing, slow and steady, and tried to match her own to it. Her rapid heartbeat calmed, and the overheating glow of her hands dimmed.

Sadie found herself walking into Steve's open arms, her breath catching in her lungs as he held her close, telling her it was alright. She let her arms wrap around him, let her eyes close as she stood firm, determined not to shake, determined to give him the same comfort he gave her, however much he seemed like he didn't need it.

There was a distant rumble, and Sadie was sure it was the rock about to blow. Natasha still stood nearby, as Sadie and Steve parted, her head head high and not an ounce of fear in her. Steve was the same, the only sign of worry being how tightly he held her hand.

These heroes were all far too willing to get hurt, and to die. But Sadie understood it, finally. They'd all done their jobs, tried their very best. And if they were to die to save the world, then at least they would die with friends.

Suddenly, a new voice sounded in their ears. One they all recognised well.

"Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It's about to get better." The rumble she'd heard revealed itself, clear as day. A helicarrier, a saving grace, and Nick Fury had brought it to them.

Maybe none of them would die, after all.


	18. Limitations

**S** adie wished they would stop thanking them all. These people, the men, women, and children who were being saved, had _nothing_ to thank them for.   
Sadie didn't believe this was a courtesy, she believed that these people had the right to survive the fight the Avengers had brought to them.

The boats were filling quickly, performing trips back and forth from the helicarrier as people waited, and Sadie did her best to help, although it was getting hard to find anyone who needed her. She could have cried with joy at the sight of all the medics- doctors, nurses, physical therapists- all there to help. Finally, she wouldn't have to rely solely on her draining power, she finally had _medicine_.

She banged twice on the side of the lifeboats to send them off, and there were still so many more people to go. Colonel Rhodes was several metres to her left, his iron suit glinting in the sun- a beacon for the people to follow. There were volunteers dressed in red Stark Relief polos everywhere, and Sadie hoped to God Adrianne was still in Johannesburg, far away from this.

But it seemed her thoughts had jinxed the scenario as Sadie lifted her hand to her forehead, watching in disbelief as her friend approached through the crowd.

"Are you _serious?"_ the two of them exclaimed to one another, perfectly in sync, though Sadie didn't understand any reason Adrianne had to be so exasperated.

"You came _here_ and you didn't think to text?" Adrianne's dark hair whipped around her face as she shouted over the noise of the helicarrier.

"You left Johannesburg and _you_ didn't think to?" Sadie responded.

"Well, there was another global crisis, what did you expect? You'd do the same," Adrianne said. Sadie couldn't argue with that. "What's with the suit anyways- are you an Avenger now?"

"There's a lot to catch up on. I'm just here to help out," Sadie said, simply, choosing to ignore the final question. "Why didn't you stay on board the helicarrier? This rock could drop any minute!"

"You know they have three whole ORs on that thing?" Adrianne said, excitedly. "It's huge! I'm scouting for patients that might need surgery."

Sadie didn't mention that she'd come across plenty in the past few hours, and healed each one herself. Instead, she decided to end their battle of questions by pulling her friend into a tight embrace and slowly manoeuvring Adrianne onto the lifeboat behind them.

"There'll be plenty on board," Sadie said, and she wasn't lying. True, she had healed countless people, but Sokovia had a population much greater than her capabilities. "You're going to want to prep for every surgery you can think of."

"Already on it," Adrianne nodded as the lifeboat gates shut. "You stay safe."

As the lifeboat pulled out of the makeshift bay, Sadie tuned back in to her communicator, and unsurprisingly, it was bad news.

 _"We're out of time,"_ Thor said, the noise of fighting still in the background, suggesting he was still surrounded by Legionnaires. _"They're coming for the core."_

 _"Rhodey, get the rest of the people on board that carrier,"_ Tony responded. _"Avengers, time to work for a living."_

Sadie spun around as she felt the world's heaviest footsteps behind her. The Hulk was charging past on the other side of the road to where Sadie stood, but the vibrations reverberated through the ground regardless.

Following not long after, was Natasha, driving a truck which Sadie could only assume she'd hotwired herself as the agent came to a stop before her. She hung an arm out the window, signalling to Sadie that she was there to pick her up. Take her to wherever they needed them. Wherever this core was.

Sadie glanced around her, at the myriad of doctors. There was enough help to go around. But there were not plenty of fighters, in fact, their numbers were only ten after Colonel Rhodes had joined them. And even he was helping civilians. Sadie would have to make it eleven.

Natasha seemed to be growing tired of Sadie's internal conflict, as she pushed the car horn, causing everyone within a five mile radius to jump, and shouted: "Get in, loser we're going shopping!"

Sadie barked out a laugh as she jumped into the truck. "This just in: Black Widow _is_ Regina George, the Barbie doll I never had."

"You've never seen anyone so glamorous," Natasha smirked, stepping on the gas and taking off at past highway speed. Legionnaires still attempted to attack, but Natasha only let the truck plow through them all, the crunch of metal providing them with a very bumpy ride.

 _"Romanoff,"_ Tony's voice echoed through the communicators. _"You and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini!"_

"Relax, shellhead, not all of us can fly," Natasha responded, and they soon reached the church, where the rest of the team waited, ready to fight the Legionnaires that were all clambering towards a large metal structure that Sadie could only assume was the core of this rock.

"What's the drill?" Natasha asked, as Sadie let herself settle into the group beside Steve.

She half expected to hear a lecture from him about going back to the Helicarrier, or staying safe elsewhere. But she was pleasantly surprised when, instead of all that, he simply nodded in her direction, and stood firm beside her.

"This is the drill." Tony pointed to the core. "If Ultron gets a hand on the core, we lose."

That was when Hulk landed in front of them, knocking away the last few Legionnaires as Ultron approached the north of the church, floating through the air eerily, arms extended.

"Is that the best you can do?" Thor shouted, and there was no response.

Instead, Ultron raised his arm in a summon, and the largest horde of Legionnaires Sadie had ever seen followed behind him, rising out of the woodworks like a horrible infestation. She tried to count the numbers, but they moved too quickly and there were far too many for her to get an accurate view.

Steve glanced over to Thor from beside her, an exasperated annoyance on his face. "You had to ask."

 _"This_ is the best I can do," Ultron said, arms outstretched like a performer. "This is exactly what I wanted. All of you, against all of me. How could you possibly hope to stop me?"

"Like the old man said," Tony responded, his voice loud and confident beneath his helmet. "Together."

And despite the Hulk's deafening roar in Sadie's ears, and the thundering of the charging Legionnaires coming their way, she didn't doubt Tony's words as the team formed a tight circle around the core.

Sadie planted her feet firm as the robots attacked from all sides and she let her glowing hands and adrenaline do the job for her, the light slicing through any and all Legionnaires that tried to get past her, whether from in front or above.

The sound of metal against metal surrounded her as the team fought, Pietro ran circles around them in streams of light and Steve was still beside her, fighting off two, three, four Legionnaires at a time with nothing but his hands and his shield. It was hard to focus on those around her though, hard to think of anything besides preserving the core behind her, and preserving her life.

But soon, Sadie found herself settling into a rhythm, one that worked, and felt swift and sufficient enough to both protect and attack. For the first time, she didn't feel as though she was scrambling to keep up with her combative powers, would even go as far as to say that perhaps she had a grip on them as she did her healing and force fields.

In fact, the entire group had settled into a rhythm, each playing off each other's strengths. She could see the red light of Wanda's power taking apart Legionnaires to her right, Steve continuing his combat with flawless grace as Thor's lightning lit up the space. Vision flew over her head, aiming beams from the Mind Stone that was now a part of him and Clint's arrows whizzed around them all, never once missing their mark. And although Sadie couldn't see her, she knew Natasha would be handling herself well on the opposite side of the circle.

Soon enough, Ultron was forced outside, and the attacks began to thin until no more robots approached, but rather ran in the opposite direction, all taking off into the skies.

Sadie took a moment to catch her breath, staring around at the perfect circle of broken down Legionnaires stacked around them.

"We didn't do half bad, guys," she panted, wiping her brow.

"Hopefully that's the last of it," Natasha replied. "But it usually never is that way."

"We gotta move out, even I can tell the air is getting thin," Steve said, eyes still darting around the room, on guard for more threats. "You guys get to the boats, I'll sweep for stragglers, be right behind you."

"I'll come with you," Sadie said, and continued quickly before the frown on Steve's face turned into another order. "Anyone who's behind is bound to be injured. We'll be more efficient if I can heal them up quickly, and then they can be autonomous, make their own way to boats in groups."

Steve took a moment to respond, thinking for a moment before deciding: "Okay. This is your ballpark."

"What about the core?" Clint asked, and instantly Wanda was stood at the ready.

"I'll protect it," she said, bravely, and Sadie couldn't help but admire the girl. "It's my job."

As Sadie jogged after Steve and Clint and Natasha split the opposite direction, she could barely think in her surprise of how quickly that last wave had been dealt with by the team. What had felt like an army was gone in a matter of minutes.

"I can't believe we just did that," she laughed. "God, it's insane."

Steve just shook his head. "Hopefully this'll all be over soon. Long as our aerial team stop Ultron getting out."

"Which they will," Sadie reminded him. "Let's split up. I'll go east, you go west, we'll cover more ground that way."

Steve agreed, and they parted in opposite directions. The town was eerily quiet. It seemed, for Sadie at least, the fight was over. Now, it was to help whoever was left behind.

~

Sadie's powers were almost completely drained. She could feel it, the bottom of that well so close that if she dipped her hand in too far, she'd feel the cold stone beneath the water.

She moved from boat to boat, all of them docked and full of the last bout of Sokovians, and amongst them all, unfortunately, was the odd corpse. It made her sick to see. Steve still helped people aboard and each moment, Sadie was hyperaware again of the rock dropping.

As she scanned the crowd in the final boat, she noticed Clint laying down, taking up an entire bench and leaving Pietro to settle himself on the ground instead, fast asleep.

"Three whole seats and you couldn't leave him a bit of room?" Sadie asked, with a smile. "Poor guy deserves a nap."

Clint stared up at her with a pained expression, and it took her a moment to realise the look was sincere. When he spoke, his voice was slow. "Moore, he's not..."

"Oh my God," Sadie said, clasping a hand to her mouth at the realisation.

She couldn't bring herself to look down at Pietro lying at her feet, feeling awful for not noticing- how could she not notice? It was horrific of her, especially as a doctor, to not notice. Sadie had been far too optimistic about their victory, it hadn't occurred to her that not everyone would be okay. Now, it was clear as day what had happened.

Sadie dragged herself to crouch beside Pietro, to examine his cause of death. She counted the bullet holes, the entrance and exit wounds, and came to the conclusion that no bullets were left in him.

Then a thought occurred to her. The damage of the bullets were what killed him. So perhaps, if she could undo the damage, if she could let his heart work again, get blood flowing back to his brain, _fix this_ \- it wouldn't be too late.

Sadie let her hands glow and got to work, healing each hole in Pietro's body until all that was left was holes in Pietro's shirt instead. Then she turned him onto his back, let her hands continue to glow as she began chest compressions, imagining the light of her power strengthening his heart, letting it beat on its own again.

"Moore," Clint's voice was soft behind her as she felt his arms on hers, but she shook him off, pausing her chest compressions only to feel for a pulse, listen for breathing. Nothing. She began again. "Moore, you need to stop."

"I'm not stopping for shit," Sadie panted, not letting the rhythm of her compressions falter. "First rule of resuscitation- don't stop CPR until the patient is physically fighting you off."

"Moore, you're gonna break his damn ribs!"

"Better to wake up with broken ribs than not at all!" she shouted, and instantly, Clint was in her face pushing her off her arms off Pietro's chest, and she couldn't fight against him.

"He's not waking up," Clint said, softly, and Sadie tried not to let her tears fall. She glanced over his shoulder to where Pietro still lay, and watched intently for a sign of life. There was none. "You can't heal death."

"He's a _child!"_

"He is dead, Moore," Clint said. Hearing the words made it real. "That's it."

"Just..." Sadie couldn't breathe. "Just let me check."

Clint moved to the side, and she scrambled forward, pressing two fingers against Pietro's neck, watching his chest for a rise and fall that never came. She could see a paramedic standing beside her, waiting expectantly. Waiting for her verdict.

So, Sadie had to do it. The worst part of her job, a task she'd hoped never to have to do today. She let out a shaky breath, before lifting her head up, and glancing over to the paramedic, stood ready with a clipboard.

"Name, Pietro Maximoff. Time of death..." she checked the cracked watch beneath her gloves. "16:47"

Clint Barton was right. Dr Moore could do a lot of things, but her powers would never allow her to heal death.

Sadie was snapped out of her thoughts quickly though, as there was a rumbling and the city suddenly dropped.

Sadie's heart stopped in her chest as she glanced over at Steve, still not on board a lifeboat, and it was only with a second to spare that he lunged onto the side of theirs. She rushed forward foolishly, pushing past the armed guard and pulling him to his feet from where he stared over the edge.

The city was dropping at an alarming speed, Thor's lightning extending from inside it, Ultron's fire glowing from below. Then there was an explosion bigger than any Sadie had ever seen before, bigger than those in Afghanistan, in Libya, bigger than any from the fight today.

The blast sent parts of buildings flying up towards them and she knew if they were to hit these boats, there'd be no survivors. So Sadie flung out her hands, letting the light form the largest forcefield she'd ever mustered beneath the boats.

It was improved version of the canopy she'd made when the city was rising, and she could feel the last of her energy draining. But still, she held tight, feeling Steve hold her steady as she willed the forcefield not to buckle for anything as there was an assault of debris against it.

When it all stopped, the silence was deafening.

~

It was always the aftermath of these fights that troubled Steve.

When the threat was over but the fear settled and his muscles and bones shook violently. He sat alone in the bay of the helicarrier, the long hall full of those who had boarded via lifeboat, ready to land in Krakow.

Steve was dreading that too, being in Poland for the first time since his missions with the Commandos in the war. He just wanted to go home to his apartment and sleep for a week. He didn't want to have to deal with the inevitable press conferences, and questions, and criticisms.

Not now. Not while he was still so... raw.

Pietro Maximoff's body had long since been taken away, but Steve could still feel the weight of him in his arms, could still see Sadie trying to fix him as he'd just stood there and watched from a mile away.

He could see her approaching now still standing tall and healthy, despite it all, gloves and hat hanging from her utility belt. Her hands still glowed blue.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said, standing over him. "It seemed pretty hopeless up there for a while..."

Steve nodded in agreement- for some reason, words were not coming out of his mouth. He thought back to how she'd looked when they thought that rock was about to blow with them on it, how she'd scrambled to contact her mother.

How he and Natasha weren't scared at all, both in a mutual understanding, but how Sadie had been so terrified. Steve figured it was because of how much she had to live for.

If it weren't for Fury- if the events of last year were true, and Nick Fury had really died, then there would have been nothing to save them.

He looked down at the rosary he held in his hands.

"Hold on, _are_ you okay?" Sadie added, quickly. "'Cause you're pretty quiet and I'm not used to this. I feel like I need to fill the space, so whenever you're ready..." an awkward laugh. "We could, like, talk?"

But what could Steve possibly say? His mind was in a billion places at once and he couldn't decide how to feel after all of this. They were the direct opposite it seemed. Steve was steady during the fight, Sadie after.

He put his hands over his face and felt Sadie's touch ruffling his hair gently, before she tilted his head up, giving him no choice but to drop his hands and look at her again. He could feel the familiar power of her healing running over his scalp like hot water.

"Anything you need, okay?" she reminded him, letting her warm hand drift to the side of his face. He closed his eyes, and she gently stroked her thumb across his cheek. When she dropped her hand, the skin where her touch had been felt suddenly cold, but he was calmer. "Anything at all, I'm here."

"I know," he said. It only made it worse that he did.

"And whatever it is, I'm _Doctor Moore,_ remember?" Sadie added, in her best showman voice, her white teeth peeking out in a mischievous smile. "So you don't gotta look too far. I got a remedy for everything."

Then she walked away, leaving Steve to his space and his thoughts so she could go and treat more of the many patients that needed help. And she'd been doing it for hours. Every time he'd seen Sadie in the battle, he had been so relieved- and when she'd fought by his side he'd been so proud.

Steve knew that Sadie had exhausted her powers, he imagined that once all of this was over, she would spend at least twenty-four hours sleeping. He remembered how she'd mustered up so much of that power through it all, and how he'd held her up as she protected the lifeboats, for fear of her falling off the edge.

But, despite all that, he could see Sadie now, knelt down before an elderly lady, her hands already readied in a glow.

And he could see the exhaustion in her body. Steve wondered if the only thing holding Sadie up was the sturdy material of her suit- that damned suit that had made him so worried and so reassured at the same time. Reassured, because it would protect her. It wouldn't leave her as vulnerable as her polyester scrubs.

But the suit made Steve worry, because it meant the inevitable. Isadora Moore was a part of all this now, and he couldn't keep her out of it if he tried. Perhaps this was Steve's fault. He'd let their friendship become far too personal, far too quickly, and she was bound to suffer for it.

He should have left things how they were. When Sadie was just Doctor Moore, and Steve was just Captain Rogers, and their only interaction was for that case study that had proved more trouble than it was worth. When he wasn't so attached.

Steve should have left things how they were- but the truth, the terrible, selfish truth of it, was that he was glad he didn't leave things that way. He was so glad to know Sadie Moore that it scared him, because Steve Rogers had a habit of losing the people who he cared about the most.

And he wanted to say it. Steve wanted to go over to where she stood with a clipboard and pen in her glowing hands, and say:

_"I care about you so much, it hurts. Do you have a remedy for that?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's the end of the battle of sokovia and if I have any inkling of how much you guys love Pietro then I think you'll all be pretty sad Sadie couldn't save him- HOWEVER- this was actually a really important event for her both character wise and from a storytelling perspective. I think one of the main dangers with Sadie's mimicry is this idea that she can do/heal "anything" but that just cannot be the case- because it will just make the story super dry and ruin all stakes if she could bring back the dead. Hope you all understand!
> 
> anyways, please let me know how you are, and what you thought of this chapter!   
> -Amber.


	19. Peacetime

**_ S _ ** _adie had never woken up in such a shock, so disoriented, and so... hungry._

_The room around her was bright, clinical, the bed beneath her firm and uncomfortable. There were tubes attached to her wrists and Sadie followed with her eyes to find several IVs, all loaded with different nutrients._

_Instinctively, despite knowing that she shouldn't, Sadie began to pull at the tubes, frantically. They were suffocating her. Her abdomen was burnt._

_"Shh..." the voice that soothed her was one Sadie would recognise anywhere. Smooth, velvety. "Shh, Shelly-girl. You're alright."_

_"Mama," Sadie cried, beyond relieved to see her mother okay. "Where's Savannah, and Dad? Please, tell me they're okay."_

_"Savannah's got a few burns," Shan said. "But she'll be okay. Your father's with her in the plastics department."_

_"She had surgery?" Sadie gasped, horrified at the concept of her little sister on an operating table, only fifteen. She sat up abruptly, making to stand, but her mother put her hands on her shoulders and set her back down. "Take me to her."_

_"Shell," her mother said, slowly and carefully. "Shell, I'm sorry. She doesn't want anyone to see her."_

_Sadie could read the pretext. Savannah didn't want to see_ her _. She couldn't blame her._

_"I only wanted to light a few candles," Sadie said, as her heart tore in two. As the sobs rose up in her chest, her burnt stomach strained, raw and painful. "I never meant for any of this to happen."_

_"But it did, Isadora-Michelle," a new voice, now. The young voice of her sister, the image of her once beautiful face burned, her entire left cheek and jaw charred down to the bone. "I'm a monster. And it's your fault."_

Sadie was shocked awake at that, only to find herself momentarily living her nightmare. No, that was not a nightmare. It was a memory, resurfacing.

The room she was in was clinical and bright, and there were tubes attached to her wrists. She looked around her, carefully removing them as she took in her company. Adrianne, Steve and Natasha sat around a small table, with playing cards in their hands.

"Two sevens," Natasha said, laying down her cards, but not before Sadie caught a glimpse of them.

"Bullshit," Sadie said, her voice hoarse, but she pulled on a smile, pushing the nightmare memory from her mind. The group were quiet for a moment, staring at her in a silence that made her worry. "Go on. Someone take a look at the cards."

"Wow, Agent Romanoff. You're busted. Looks like I win!" Adrianne chuckled, after flipping over the cards Natasha had laid down to reveal one ace and one jack. "Told y'all she'd wake up, and sharp as ever apparently."

Natasha threw her hands up, taking all the cards from the middle and adding them to her pile.

"How long have I been out?" Sadie asked as Nat shuffled the deck.

"Four days," Steve answered, which explained the look of relief on his face. "You collapsed soon as we landed in Krakow. Seemed like you held out until all your patients were taken care of."

"What you should've done though," Natasha said firmly. "Is stopped using those powers of yours as soon as we were off the city safely. There was medical aid on that helicarrier, why the hell would you drain yourself like that?"

"There were hundreds of patients, and not all of them were being seen to," Sadie answered truthfully. "We were understaffed, and it was efficient."

"But at what cost?" Steve asked, for some reason Sadie couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Let's find out," Sadie shrugged. "Adrianne, how was my blood work?"

"Your red cell count was normal. Kidney, thyroid and liver function is spot on," Adrianne explained. "MRI and CT scans came back clear. The main issue was keeping you nourished. You're a little low on vitamin D but, hey, what's new? They administered glucose, electrolytes and antibiotics intravenously."

"Antibiotics? These guys are slowly killing me," Sadie said, shaking her head. "Who gives antibiotics when there's no sign of infection? It's _asking_ for a resistance issue. The next time I contract something, nothing will save me."

"What would you have done, Doctor Moore?" Nat smirked, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I'm glad you asked! I think they made the right call on the glucose and electrolytes," Sadie began, as Adrianne pulled out a pen light and began to check her pupils. "But if I had a patient showing my symptoms, I'd give them time, monitor them from the nurses station, perform neural exams every so often. _Maybe_ give 'em a blood transfusion if I was worried."

"Now, I understand why they say doctors make the worst patients," Steve said, shaking his head, but he was still smiling. "How are you this chatty anyway?"

"I won't be for long if I don't get some coffee in me," was all Sadie responded to that. "Someone bring me a cappuccino and I'll love you forever."

"One cappuccino coming right up," Nat grinned, standing.

"I love you forever," Sadie said, sincerely.

"Here, Doctor Smitten," Adrianne handing Sadie a large pizza box. "That's for you. It's kinda cold."

"Cold pizza is the best pizza," Sadie smiled, just eager to have something to fill her, even if she wasn't sure she could stomach the whole thing. "God, I should get myself hospitalised more often if it means I'm getting spoiled with pizza, and coffee and- Rogers! What have you got for me?"

"What, for you to you love me forever, too?"

"Yes," Sadie, grinned, trying hard to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. "Name your offer."

Steve only shrugged, leaning back in his chair with a smile. "Got nothing but my company for you, doll."

She pretended to think long and hard, before nodding as smoothly as she could. "It'll do."

Natasha was still smirking mischievously as she turned to Adrianne with a strange look. "Uh, Valentina, you wanna... show me where the coffee machine is?"

"Oh! Yeah, absolutely!" Adrianne said, a little all too enthusiastically. "But hospital coffee is trash, Sadie is my witness. We should go for a wander and get some from an actual coffee shop."

"That's fine by me," Natasha said, and Sadie had a feeling this was planned. "We'll be like... twenty minutes. Steve, you want an espresso?"

"Make it a double," he replied, reaching into his pocket and handing Nat some cash before the two ladies left the room, a little too smugly.

God was cruel, putting Adrianne Valentina and Natasha Romanoff in the same room.

"So," Sadie began, with a grin. "Double espresso. You been up all night worrying about me?"

"No," Steve said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. But she could see his dark circles, so she just raised an eyebrow. "Okay, you got me. But it wasn't _all_ night. And I wasn't just worrying."

Sadie hummed, with a slow and curious nod. "Okay, what else did you do?"

"Nat put on a movie. And Cho came by."

"She's better?" she asked, beyond relieved to hear it.

"Much better," Steve nodded, pulling his chair over to her bedside. "I still can't believe you were able to fix her like that. And all those Sokovians, it's incredible. But you really ought to stop when you reach your limit. Especially when you've done enough."

She thought suddenly of Pietro and his healed bullet holes, nothing more than embalming. Had she done enough then? When she'd performed those chest compressions despite being told the boy was deceased? Sadie was only lucky that Wanda hadn't decided to pursue it further- if that had happened in a hospital, she would have been investigated for desecration.

"You still haven't answered my question," Sadie said, dragging her thoughts away from the tragedy of Sokovia. "What did you do while I was... gone?"

Steve gave her a look that told her he didn't miss her deflection. But he shrugged sheepishly anyway, making her smile. "It's been quiet. I did a few sketches."

"Can I see?"

"The ones I started aren't finished yet."

"Let me guess. You were interrupted by Adrianne asking for several portraits, and you did them for her, because you didn't want to be mean," Sadie grinned. "And they probably ended up gorgeous, but in reality, you just wanted to draw a few stick men, and now your hand is all sore from shading her hair."

"You know, I'm starting to think you were faking the whole burnout thing by how accurate that was," he laughed, and she smiled even wider.

"Hey, I'm glad we're talking again," Sadie said. The words came out before she registered them, but it was too late to take them back. Too late to make them more impressive, more funny, more flirty, or whatever else wouldn't make her come across so desperate.

"So am I," Steve responded, much to her relief.

Sadie took a moment to properly take a look at him, scanned demeanour to see if he was still as shaken as he'd been after the battle. That day when he'd barely said a word, and sat completely alone. When she'd used her healing to relax him and in that moment, she'd felt exhaustion and conflict in his mind.

He looked better, if not a little tired. He was dressed comfortably, and it was a relief to see him looking after himself. But Steve suddenly seemed a little hesitant to talk, which told Sadie he was probably about to say something stupid.

"I'm sorry," Steve began, confirming her suspicions. "I've been a complete jerk these past weeks. I understand if I wasn't your favourite person."

"I've already forgotten about it," Sadie said, taking a bite out of her pizza. "Wait, what even happened again?"

"I feel like I gotta explain myself."

"You don't."

"No, I do," Steve said, his eyes full of an earnestness that Sadie couldn't reject. So she let him talk. "The things that have happened lately really made me question who I am. The world we live in and how I fit. Ultron said I pretend I can live without a war-"

"You can."

"I don't know that I can," he said, with a frown of confusion. "We're supposed to fight to end the fight. But I'm not sure I do. I think I fight because it's all I know." 

Sadie knew that wasn't true. She knew that Steve knew a lot more than fighting. He knew laughter, and friendship, and care. But Sadie also knew that he would have to realise all of that on his own. She couldn't heal disbelief.

"I've never known real peacetime, Isadora," Steve continued. The way he said her name, soft and gentle made her heart ache. "I have no clue what to do with it."

"Hey, that's not-" Sadie stopped herself from saying that wasn't true, because she knew it was. The man in front of her had never had an easy life.

He never had the stable environment she had to grow up in, even if she'd known what it was to be poor as a child, she never knew hunger. He'd entered adult life to war, and instability, not the stable country and scholarships Sadie had known. The very reason she had the privilege of knowing Steve Rogers was because of the trials he'd faced. So it _was_ true. He didn't know peacetime at all, not like she did.

"That's not your fault," Sadie said, wishing she had better words.

"It is my fault when I end up isolating my friends because of it," he said. "I treated you horribly, Sadie. You didn't deserve that."

"I've got thicker skin than you think. It's alright," Sadie smiled, and she meant it.

"God, look at me," he chuckled, but it wasn't full. "Offloading all this when you're in a hospital bed, and can't run a mile."

"I wouldn't run anywhere even if I could," Sadie said, truthfully. But her thoughts still wandered, and she found herself blurting out a stupid, intrusive question. "What did Wanda show you in that vision?"

He was silent for a long moment, and she was unsurprised when he answered: "Sorry. It's not something I wanna share. Besides, she... apologised. Said none of it was real. So, I guess it doesn't matter, anyway."

For a moment, Sadie wished she could mimic telepathy. But as she looked at him- his ocean eyes, his golden hair styled back in that way she loved, and his demeanour so open and vulnerable, that desire to read his mind was short-lived. When it came to Steve, she wanted him to trust her, she didn't want to cheat the system.

She knew she'd have to open her heart to him if she wanted him to do the same. And she did. God, she did. She wanted to know every inch of that golden heart of his, wanted to see if her name could ever be engraved onto it, like his was beginning to indent in her own, like he was always on her mind.

She wanted to know if he could see her.

Stupidly, and suddenly, Sadie was aware that she was staring, and acted on a complete, and idiotic impulse. She picked up her half eaten pizza slice, and shoved the box into Steve's hands. Her sudden movement caused him to jump slightly, making Sadie feel even more ridiculous.

"Eat," she said, as he stared at her, still slightly shocked, and Sadie looked everywhere apart from his eyes that she'd been gazing into so intensely.

"My god," Steve laughed, finally- a hearty laugh that came straight from his belly. "There's never been a truer sign of forgiveness!"

Sadie couldn't help but chuckle at that, but Steve's continued laughter was what set her off in giggles herself. It became one of those scenarios where the laughter was funnier than the original joke, and Sadie was stuck in a loop of laughter until she almost slid off the hospital bed and he had to keep her from falling off completely. But like an idiot, Sadie didn't let go of him after that, instead moving up, and patting the empty space on the bed for him to sit on.

It was a tight squeeze, but she didn't mind it since it meant Steve braced his arm behind her, and it eventually ended up snaking around her waist. As their laughter died down, and she leaned her head on his shoulder, they ate in quiet, and Sadie tuned out the sound of the beeping heart monitor and busy hall, and focused in favour of the wind in the trees out the window, and Steve's breathing.

"I'll teach you what to do with it," Sadie promised him, after a moment. "Peacetime, I mean."

"I don't know, Sadie..."

"Well, I do. You deserved to get off that rock just like the rest of us," she said. She didn't know why she was reminding him of that fact. Perhaps because she worried he didn't know it. "So you deserve to live a little. No objections- I'll help you out."

"I don't have anything I can do for you in return," Steve said. She sat up, and he let his arm fall from around her. She regretted moving.

"You can help me train," Sadie suggested. "Natasha was always telling me that I'd need some, even before Ultron. And now I just think it's time I don't rely on pure adrenaline and these powers. Time I actually knew what I was doing for once."

"Well, I guess Tony was right," Steve admitted, with a grin. "He said that you've _'earned Avenger status'_ , if you want it... Aceso."

Sadie didn't know what came over her. Maybe it was because she'd never felt more at one with her mind and her body than when she'd embraced her powers in Sokovia. Maybe it was because she'd grown attached to this ragtag team of heroes over the past few weeks. Maybe it was just because it was Steve asking.

Or maybe it was because he'd used that name. Her name.

But regardless of the many reasons why, Sadie had lost her mind, and so she settled back down beside him, and answered: "You know, I think I do."

~

Pietro Maximoff's had been the first burial Sadie had been to in years, and she certainly didn't miss the melancholy environment. He couldn't be buried in Sokovia, since Sokovia was buried under itself so Wanda had chosen a place she thought he would like- a cemetery where they would plant a tree for him.

Sadie still couldn't believe the loss of someone so young, even with how short of a time she'd spent with him. She didn't let herself think about it for too long- Pietro and his uplifting humour, his dedication and all that potential she'd seen in him. Anytime she did though, it was only a reminder of what she couldn't do.

Once she'd recovered from her burn out, it was like Sadie was given all the bad news at once. Banner had gone missing, the death count of the Battle of Sokovia (that was what the news reels called it) was one hundred and seventy seven civilians, one seventy eight including Pietro, and Thor had taken off into the galaxy- Steve had said he wasn't sure they could expect him back any time soon.

But despite it all, the New Avengers continued with business as usual, beginning with the tedious move upstate. 

Although it hadn't been too long since she left, Sadie didn't feel like she'd been back in New York in ages. And even now she was back, there wasn't a single day off during the move, as she and a healed Helen Cho worked together to move some the U-Gin and Stark Industries equipment to none other than the New Avengers Facility.

 _Some_ of the equipment was a very important distinction, as they did not move _all_ the equipment. Which meant that for Sadie, her work would be annoyingly split between the Stark Industries Lab, Avengers Tower, and upstate.

The upstate facility was primarily a training compound, according to Tony, who still insisted that he didn't make this decision on a whim. And according to Tony, training meant injuries, and injuries meant they needed a clinic.

Sadie definitely thought this was, in fact, a decision made on a whim, but she couldn't really argue, since she'd spent so long sleeping off her burnout in hospital. But the four day rest had only left her feeling groggy, as if she'd overslept (which she had), and the jet lag didn't help. It wasn't a good feeling, and it lingered even a week later.

But despite the many cups of orange juice she drank and the supplements she had to take to make up for her poor diet, being back in work- being a doctor again- had made Sadie feel more herself than she had in a while. That didn't mean she wouldn't take advantage of every break she had.

Sadie sat on a bench outside, opposite the green acres where agents did drills and moving vans still unloaded. She had just gotten off the phone with her mother; one of the few times Sadie had been able to speak to her since arriving back in the US, and it was a relief to hear her voice each time. Although, it had taken a lot to explain to Shan how Sadie had gone from never touching her powers, to casting forcefields abroad on the news.

"You know I have always supported who you are," Shan had said, and Sadie could have sobbed, because it was true. "I'm only happy you've finally accepted yourself. Although I wish it didn't mean you put your life at risk."

Her mother had also told her she had a surprise for Sadie, although she couldn't for the life of her guess what it could be. The sky above Sadie was scarce for clouds, and yet her heart felt heavy thinking of her mother, alone in New York Pres until Sadie could get home. She'd have to visit her tonight, find out Strange's progress.

"Tony's talking about upgrading your suit," Natasha's voice almost cause Sadie to jump out of her skin as she sat down beside her, two cups of water in hand. "You're going to need it if you're always gonna be tagging along, helping people like an idiot."

The two ladies ended up laughing at that for a moment, Sadie coming to the conclusion that Natasha Romanoff definitely had a point. Still, she wasn't too sure about a new suit when her current one had been worn so few times.

"Honestly, I don't want him spending any time or money on me," she shrugged, taking a drink from one of the glasses.

"He has time and money to spare," Natasha said.

The agent's focus drifted then, as she stared at the grass, and Sadie knew exactly what was on her friend's mind. Ever since Bruce had gone missing, Natasha had a certain tired energy about her.

"Banner will turn up," Sadie said, weakly, unsure if her words would be of any consolation. Probably not.

"He wanted us to go away together," Nat admitted, and Sadie was surprised to hear it. "And I betrayed him for the mission. So, no. He won't turn up. He'll go like he said he would, and he won't come back."

"You don't need him to," Sadie said, honestly. "He's a good guy, and I was rooting for the two of you, but you don't need him, Nat. You're one of the most amazing women I know. If anything, he needs you."

"I know," Nat shrugged, standing from where she sat, and Sadie worried she'd said the wrong thing.

"But it would've been nice?"

"Yeah," Natasha smiled sadly. "It would've been nice."


	20. Lethargy

**I** sadora-Michelle Moore was a busy woman.

She'd be up, every morning at five AM for a six o'clock start at work, and most nights, she left the Stark Industries Lab twelve hours later. Sadie was supposed to give herself a thirty minute break every four hours, but she usually only took fifteen. Running a team of over a hundred medical innovators meant she had no time for long breaks, even though she had a brilliant team of managers to delegate tasks.

Then, she'd be training. Three evenings a week for a couple hours, and a half day Saturday at the Avengers compound. Altogether, it was another twelve hours that felt like a part time job. Sadie supposed it was a part time job, now she'd signed onto it.

The rest of her time was spent visiting her mother at New York Presbyterian- she'd take Cho's files with her, give her mother the usual back massage for her tight muscles, and pore over the files for hours while Shan slept.

Her plants were beginning to die at home.

This particular day though, her mother had called her on her way to the hospital, still mentioning this surprise that had been waiting for Sadie. It made her worry, because she'd been saying that for a week, and nothing had arrived. Shan's apparent dementia had gotten much better over the past few months, and she was progressing well with the chemotherapy. Now though, Sadie wondered if the symptoms of the brain tumour were getting worse- this sort of confusion at events was exactly how it started last time.

Sadie felt like a near zombie walking through the hospital halls, with the weight of Cho's files in her arms, but she tried to keep her back straight regardless of her soreness. As she passed by a room, she saw a woman in one of the windows. Her eyes were tired, her black hair pulled back into braids that were coming loose at the fronts, baby hairs astray. The woman's dark skin was dull, her arms ashy. It took Sadie a moment to realise that she was looking at herself.

Her mind was so spaced out as she smiled and nodded in greeting to the hospital staff she used to work alongside- she was barely aware of the spaces she passed and followed only her hearing to her mother's room. The only room from which soft reggae music played, a Boney M tune from a childhood that felt like it wasn't hers.

But there was another sound too, a melodic voice that wasn't her mother's, but that she still oddly recognised. Sadie paused at the door and listened closer. Yes, it was unmistakable.

She took a breath. And entered the room.

Sadie saw her straight away. A young lady, tall and elegant, skin dark as hers, and a face she knew. A face she hadn't seen in five years. A beautiful face, but scarred. Savannah Moore's left side had healed since Sadie last saw her, and it had healed phenomenally.

The skin was smooth, the scarring reduced only to pale discolouration where her pigments were obstructed by scar tissue. Sadie wondered how long and how expensive her surgeries had been to fix the damage she'd caused her little sister.

"Hey, Shell," Savannah said, pausing her soft singing, a small smile on her face. "Long time no see."

Savannah placed her newspaper onto the table beside her. The headline: _WHO'S TO BLAME IN SOKOVIA?_

Sadie was stunned for a moment, still taking her in. She sat, so casually at their mother's bedside- five years after their incident- as if nothing had ever changed. Shan sat beside Savannah, giving Sadie an encouraging thumbs up, and cheesy grin. The Rivers of Babylon still played in the background as Savannah stood.

Sadie felt a severe nervousness and excitement, the strangest combination she ever felt- although she knew that the physiological effects of both emotions were awfully similar. Disorientation, tight chest, feeling frozen to one spot.

"Well, if it isn't Savannah Moore!" Sadie laughed, approaching her sister with open arms- Savannah accepted the hug, but it was a little different to how it always used to be. "You're... so grown!"

And she'd missed it. Five years had passed and her sister had become an adult without her. Bittersweet, was what this was. Sweet to see her, bitter it had been so long.

"So are you, sis," Savannah smiled, as they parted. Her voice was different now, her New York accent less pronounced, no doubt a result of the time she'd spent out of the States. "You look strong. And your hair!"

"It's shea butter and illusions," Sadie grinned, feeling her eyes beginning to burn, and her mother clapped her hands from the bed behind her.

"Oh my girls," Shan smiled, and her eyes were as teary as Sadie's. "This is how it should be."

"Ma, I brought you your bits," Sadie said, purposefully steering the topic away from her sister's estrangement.

She fished through her bag and pulled out the fragrant African Black Soap, the hair oils, the sage that they would routinely and secretly light. Shan looked extremely happy to receive these gifts, as Sadie was often so glad to see, inhaling the scents before pressing two kisses on either side of Sadie's face.

"I'm going to have a wash with these," Shan announced, climbing slowly out of bed. Sadie wanted nothing more than to help her up, but knew her mother would only feel patronised. "Make myself glamorous!"

Sadie watched her mother go, using her IV stand as a support, and waited until she heard the faucet running behind the locked door to speak.

"So, when did you arrive?" Sadie asked Savannah, as they settled into their seats.

"While you were away. We just kept missing each other when you came back from your... trip," Savannah said, and Sadie folded her hands over each other. No doubt, Savannah knew about Sokovia, and her involvement there- did she agree with the criticisms in the press?

"Where have you been sleeping?"

"The church," Savannah answered. "Pastor John gave me a room, Dad gave me the tickets, school gave me time off."

School, as Sadie's sister humbly put it, only meant Cambridge University's Law School. Savannah had left with their father after the fire, when he'd used his Jamaican Commonwealth status to move over to the United Kingdom. They'd gotten as far away as they could, which meant, over the Atlantic.

"Come stay with me," Sadie said. She couldn't bear the thought of her sister without proper accommodations, getting by only on the kindness of strangers.

"No, I'm okay," Savannah shrugged casually, but her hands gripped her upper arms.

"I got it all under control now," Sadie tried, opening her palms. She let them glow, them extinguished the light. "See?"

"Look, I know, alright?" Savannah said, but she still wouldn't look at Sadie's hands. "I saw you on the news. I think it's awesome that you were able to help so many people."

"Then come home with me," Sadie said, as earnestly as she could. She didn't want to beg, but she would regret not saying it later. She had to try and fix what she'd broken while she had the chance.

"Shell, I love you," Savannah said. "But I can't, I... I wouldn't be able to sleep."

Of course.

Sadie shouldn't have been surprised to hear it. After all, the last time Savannah Moore stayed under the same roof as Sadie, she'd woken up to roaring flames around her, and a half burnt face. And she'd never had the chance to apologise- it had been the arguments, then the two year restraining order filed against Sadie by their father, then their parents divorce, and then Savannah's decision to move away with him.

And now, five years later, Sadie didn't know where they stood. So, she answered simply as the song on the speakers changed to one that was ironically upbeat for the moment.

"It's alright. I love you too, Sav."

That was when an extremely familiar face entered the room. Sadie tried not to roll her eyes at his entrance, the complete bravado he walked with, his lack of a doctor's coat as if the whole world should know his job role via his aura alone. At the same time though, the arrival of Dr Stephen Strange filled Sadie with an odd reassurance. He was here, he'd shown up, for the first time in the weeks she'd been back, she could finally demand a briefing.

Plus, it gave her an excuse to use her doctor's brain, pull herself out of the anxious shell she'd become since hearing Savannah's singing in the corridor. Sadie stood, but Strange didn't seem at all concerned with greeting her as he came to a halt, tapping on his tablet before locking the screen.

"I know this one," he said, and Sadie frowned.

"What?"

"The _song,"_ Strange elongated the 'o' in his words as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Star, Bowie- 1972, the... _second_ track on the B-side of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Forgive me, I'm a little rusty."

Sadie had forgotten how fast he talked. She thought of how she'd scrambled to take her notes at his lecture in Vienna, despite never struggling to keep up once in her academic and medical career. When she'd made her speech in Manhattan (An Evidence-Based Approach To Cardiac and Respiratory Care), Strange hadn't picked up a pen.

"You're absolutely spot on Dr Strange!" The enthusiastic voice that answered was her mother's, as she settled herself back into the room.

"Ah, there's my patient, I was wondering if this useless place had lost you," Strange said.

"This is one of the greatest hospitals in New York," Sadie said. It was habit to defend the place that had made her the doctor she was, despite how her time at New York Pres had ended.

"It is," he agreed. "Now that I'm here sixteen hours a week," he turned his back to her and faced Shan. "I'm going to update Dr Moore on all we decided on while she was fighting robots in Sokovia."

"And what a brilliant job she did," Shan said, pointedly. "Treating all those people, too. Isn't that what you work for, Dr Strange? To heal people?"

"Of course. Follow me, Doctor Aceso," he turned to leave, and Sadie followed him out of the room, as he hummed the bridge of Star. It was funny, hearing Strange sing about how he "could do with the money,'' while sporting the latest Rolex watch on his wrist. Although she imagined with his confidence, the lines about being a rock and roll star wouldn't be all that hard to believe.

"I guess we're skipping the niceties," Sadie said, as they entered an evaluation room, where multiple CT and MRI scans were pinned to the walls. "Isn't this place staff only?"

"Neither of us are employees to this hospital, but somehow we're the greatest things that have happened to this place," Strange said, simply. "The least they can do is let us use their eval."

"That's the closest I'll ever get to a compliment from you, isn't it?' Sadie grinned, and Strange rolled his eyes.

"Maybe not, if you behave yourself, Moore."

Sadie ignored him. "So, hit me. What's your plan?"

He pointed to an image on the wall, a scan Sadie immediately recognised as her mother's, by the butterfly tumour in the brain. _"That_ is impossible. I've never seen a tumour that size in a patient with so much function. When I heard about it, I said Billy, that's a lost cause."

"Who the heck is Billy?" Sadie asked, deliberately ignoring his negativity.

"But then I had a closer look," Strange added. "Good news- it's doable. With multiple surgeries, we remove the tumour bit by bit. Like partitioning. It'll be a tight squeeze and a long journey. We're going to have to keep going in faster than it can grow."

"How many surgeries?"

"Six."

"How long in between?"

"Twelve weeks."

"That's not enough," she replied. Sadie's chest felt impossibly tight. This was a terrible plan. She could imagine it now, the pain and turmoil her mother would be going through. "For major brain surgery? And for each one she'll be weaker than the last? It's not enough."

"That is the longest recovery time we can allow her before all my work is undone," he said. "Doctor Moore- the entire medical world knows your name, even if lately you have put all of yourself into a mutational glitch. But they know my name a lot better. If there's anybody who can do this, it's me."

She knew he was right. Strange had been lightyears ahead of her when she'd read his case studies in medical school, and even if she'd caught up to him now, she would never be able to perform those surgeries herself.

"Promise me this won't go on the back burner, Strange," Sadie said, trying and failing not to sound as if she was begging him. "You won't find something more exciting, with a better chance of a positive outcome. Promise me you'll put your whole effort into this case."

"Of course I will," he said, earnestly. Then, like the asshole he was, he added: "During working hours."

"Honestly, Strange!" Sadie exclaimed. "For America's greatest neurosurgeon, you sure have zero people skills."

"It's why I chose to become _America's greatest neurosurgeon,"_ Strange answered. "My patients are under anaesthetic ninety percent of the time, so people skills are irrelevant."

"You're despicable," Sadie said, her blood boiling. "And arrogant! And you have no clue how to talk to a patient's family! My mother is _sick,_ and you can't bring yourself to treat me as anything more than that doctor who's work you shat on in '13!"

"I don't remember that, but I can't say i regret it either," he said, his tone annoyingly calm. "Look, you're lucky I'm even here. A glioblastoma this size, this complex? And it's only getting worse by the day. Normally, I wouldn't take a case pointed south like this. And I certainly wouldn't let the patient stay in another hospital."

"Then why are you here?" Sadie asked, slowly, spitting venom with her words. She knew she should be more careful. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave, but she couldn't help herself. It was as if she'd been carrying a weight for weeks, and this was the final thing to make her bubble over. She dug her nails into her palm.

"An ex-student of mine pulled in a favour."

"An ex-student?" Sadie thought for a moment, but it didn't take her long. There was only one person she knew who learned under Dr Stephen Strange and wouldn't shut up about it. "Wyatt."

"Poor guy. He did all the math, but... he just doesn't have my skills for the surgery," Strange shrugged. "So congratulations Dr Moore! Your mother's got the best."

"Thank you, Dr Strange, I'm _humbled_ by your presence," Sadie said, before turning on her heel, taking a scan and striding out of the room. As she went, she fished out her mobile, and dialled a familiar number. Wyatt picked up at the third ring. "You in work?"

"Is this a booty call?"

"Trust me, you're the last person I would think of," she answered, firmly. "Are you in work?"

"Yeah, I'm on my break though, so this will have to be quick," Wyatt's voice was it's usual nonchalant tone. "I don't have all day."

"You get your ass to the south parking lot. Right now. You got five minutes and a lot of explaining to do."

Of course, Sadie arrived there quicker than five minutes, her feet carrying her when her mind couldn't. Wyatt took ten minutes to arrive, and when he did, he carried nothing with him but a few simple markers. He still wore his navy suit- Sadie supposed the novelty of being the boss hadn't worn off for the neurologist yet, even a year and a half after taking up her previous position.

"You're late," she said as she stood from where she'd been leaning against the hood of her car.

"You got your guard dog with you?" he responded simply, and she cocked an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?"

"Captain Rogers," Wyatt drawled. Sadie made sure he would see her roll her eyes.

"I'm my own guard, thank you very much," she answered, crossing her arms. "But no, he's not here. Why would he be?"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time. You know, he picks you up, he drops off food, it's... chivalrous," Wyatt shrugged. "But that's not why you called me here. I'm guessing you want an explanation of your mother's treatment plan?"

"Of course," Sadie answered, and Wyatt popped the lid off his red marker pen, before leaning down, and drawing bold lines on the sleek black hood of her car. "Hey!"

"This is Shan's tumour," he explained, and Sadie glanced down at the scan in her hands. The diagram he drew was almost exact in shape and dimensions. "I wasn't supposed to work your mom's case since it's regarded conflict of interest."

"Because it is," Sadie reminded him. He conveniently ignored her.

"I took the opportunity when you were in Sokovia to consult on the case," Wyatt continued. "I had to squeeze it in, by the way- you're welcome. I did most of the work from home."

"Why?"

"Cause she's a patient," he answered firmly, but it still didn't sit well with her. "And it's not fair that the best neurologist was kept off the case because of a fling between the two of us."

Sadie hated the fact that his words hurt. She held his gaze, determined not to show how it had affected her. "Three years is hardly a fling, Wyatt."

"I know," he said. She thought of the silver ring she'd found in a Tiffany box all those years ago. For some reason, Sadie felt he thought of it too. "I don't know why I said that."

She shook her head, fed up of him already. Nothing had changed- Benjamin Wyatt would say hurtful words he 'didn't mean', like a child with no understanding of how to think before he spoke.

"So, you came up with this insane plan," Sadie said. "You're going to put my mom through surgery for seventy two weeks- and that's provided there's no complications."

"Yes," Wyatt said, confidently, before drawing green arrows onto his diagram. "We're going in there, then there, there, there, there, and there."

"And those are the most effective tactics?" Sadie asked.

"Absolutely. And in between surgeries, she'll still be on her chemo- _which!"_ he exclaimed, before she could protest. "-has so far proven effective. So we'll be cutting, and shrinking the tumour!"

"She'll be suffering," Sadie said. She could hear the weakness in her voice, and she hated it. The anger that had given her energy had worn away, and now only the anxiety from the day- from the week- weighed her down.

"She will," Wyatt said, his once enthusiastic voice dull. He seemed much more sincere than Strange- just as arrogant perhaps, but more empathetic. "But she wants to survive. Shan said you were the one to tell her to fight."

"Not like this," Sadie said. "I never wanted to put her through all this."

"Isadora, it's the only way. It's the only plan we have," he answered. "She's stronger than you know."

That was a lie, Sadie knew it. It was a lie she'd told families time and time again, a method of reassurance so they would let her get on with her job. She pushed back her tears.

"Why do you even care?"

Wyatt looked away from her, his stance stiff, as if it pained him to say it. "Because she was always kind to me. She was kind to me when only you were."

Sadie understood that. Shan Moore had a compassion about her that she could only hope to mimic. And that compassion touched the hearts of all people her mother met. Even, it seemed, selfish men like Doctor Wyatt.

"It's why I took myself off the case as soon as I cracked it," he continued. "Why I'm handing it over to Strange. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I didn't have any contact with your mother, my residents did all the exams, I only handled the data. And Stephen wasn't supposed to tell you."

"Well, he took it as an opportunity to gloat," Sadie scoffed.

"Yeah, of course he did, the asshole," Wyatt said, bitterly. Sadie didn't mention that he was more like his old mentor than he knew. "He can gloat all day."

"You know he will, if this works," she warned him. "If _your_ plan works, this will be a massive breakthrough. And Strange gets all the credit."

"Well, he'll be doing all the work," Wyatt answered, with a shrug.

But Sadie knew him. She knew how much he loved recognition, glory, awards for his work. And she understood it, because she was exactly the same. It was why she'd roped Steve into her case study, why she's spent her entire career clawing her way to the top, travelling the world and making her name known.

The doctors Sadie knew: Wyatt, Adrianne, Strange, even herself, they were all the same. Deep down, no matter how much they tried to deny it, they all had a desire to be known as geniuses. The difference was that Strange embraced that as his driving force, Wyatt used it when it was advantageous to him, Adrianne prioritised her family above it all, and Sadie...

Sadie just lied to herself.

"Just take the case," she said. "I don't want to be indebted to you."

"You're not. Consider this an olive branch," he said, attempting to sound lighthearted, but there was a weight behind his voice. "You don't ever have to hear from me again. You can carry on your... Avenging, and the billion and one other projects you have going on. And I'll just stay out of your way."

Two years ago, that would've been hard to hear. She would've wanted him to chase her, beg her to go back to him, she would've wanted to end the night in sweet regret, tangled in him. A year ago, his words would have filled her with a white hot anger at his self pity. Fifteen minutes ago, she would have felt a purple satisfaction to finally cut ties.

But now, Sadie felt none of that. She felt no desire, and no distress. She only felt a forgiveness, an acceptance that Benjamin Wyatt belonged to a part of her life that she would cherish, but never return to. And it was such a relief to have that weight off her shoulders.

"Consider the olive branch accepted," she smiled. "I wish you the best, Benjamin."

"Well," he grinned, turning his persona back on and extending his arms. "I already got the best! But I guess I wish the same for you, Sadie."

Then he walked away, leaving Sadie to ponder over his diagram with a newfound hope.

"I'm gonna foot you the bill to get this car cleaned!" she shouted, and he laughed, his voice echoey as he agreed. In the silence that followed, Sadie was forced to confront the tiredness of her brain and body. She'd have to slow down, she knew. Take a leaf out of Wyatt's book and take life easy.

But still, she found herself making her way back into the hospital, ready to try and decipher Cho's documents once more.


	21. Poetic Justice

**"** **D** on't touch that gate!" Natasha's voice caused Sadie to stumble to an abrupt stop, the obstacle before her as high as her chest. "We're trying to be efficient here. You could spend even thirty seconds trying to break that lock and that's enough to compromise yourself."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Sadie snapped, turning to face where Natasha stood and watched her, clipboard and stopwatch in hand.

"Anything that isn't higher than your head, you can jump," she said simply, and Sadie couldn't help but laugh.

The obstacle course Natasha had prepared for her was long, and hard, and apparently very accurate to your average mission. Wanda had breezed through it, using her powers to bend things out of shape and move obstacles at her will. Sam had no problems at all, easily leaping and sliding and climbing his way to the finish line.

But Sadie had been trying, and failing all day.

"I can't jump that," Sadie argued. "I'm not all that short you know- most things aren't higher than my head."

"I'm not too short either," Natasha shrugged, setting down the clipboard. Natasha ran at full speed then towards the barrier, leaping easily over it as if it were a mere hurdle. "It's not about height, it's about speed, and power."

"Can't you use your powers?" Sam asked, from where he and Wanda sat, swigging bottles of water, and just watching. "You can't mimic Wanda?"

"No," Sadie said. "I can only mimic what I truly understand. Mimicry isn't just copying, it's different."

"Different how?" Wanda asked, and Sadie felt for once as if she wouldn't sound completely incompetent.

"My relationship with this mimicry almost symbiotic," she said, trying not to sound too insane. "Like it has its own, I don't know, intelligence? It works from what I visualise, what my strengths are. So being a doctor, I can heal people. I gotta know in detail what it is I'm trying to do. But I feel like the mimicry learns from itself, too. Like everytime I cast a forcefield, it gets stronger, and in Seoul I could suddenly use that force in combat. It's like a muscle."

A muscle that sometimes felt so separate to her being. Sadie had become so close to accepting that, until Savannah had returned and she'd been shocked back to reality. Reminded exactly what these powers could inflict if she didn't keep a tight rein on them. The understanding she'd come to- the revelation that her mimicry had just as much of a mind as she did, terrified her.

She wouldn't show it.

"Let's take ten," Natasha said, and Sadie was snapped back out of her thoughts.

"I'm staying behind," Sadie said, to Natasha as Sam made his way out. Wanda still lingered where she stood. "I'm staying till I finish this damn course."

"Don't over-exert yourself," Natasha reminded her, shrugging nonchalantly as she walked away, but Sadie knew she cared.

That left only her and Wanda. Sadie took a drink of water.

"I think you should embrace it," Wanda said. "I think you shouldn't be afraid. No matter what happened in the past."

"Stop reading me," Sadie said,"It's not fair."

"I can't help it," Wanda said, looking somewhat embarrassed.

Sadie felt immediately guilty. Just because she was insecure about that part of her, she didn't have to inflict that on the young woman before her. "Sorry, I understand."

"There's some people- you, Stark, Rogers..." a pause. "My brother. Your thoughts are so... loud. I can't always tune them out. You worry about your mother. Stark worries about- well, everything. My brother used to have no worries at all," Wanda laughed fondly at that. "He'd always tell me that worrying was my job, and I had to resign."

Sadie laughed at that, thinking of the quick witted boy who had made her smile so much. Then a moment passed, and the joy was gone.

"You want to know what Steve worries about," Wanda said, suddenly. "You want to know how you can fix it."

"No, I-" Sadie didn't know how to argue with someone like Wanda. How could someone lie to a person like Wanda Maximoff?

"You can't fix it," Wanda told her, and Sadie was stunned. "He worries about _you_."

~

Steve woke up to an earthquake. There was a rumbling, and a vibration, and yet he wasn't shocked awake. It took him a moment to realise- he'd left the phone Tony had given him beneath his pillow, and now it was ringing.

He picked it up, eyes watering slightly from the blinding light; he didn't bother checking the name on the screen. Whoever it was, the conversation would be short lived- this was one of the rare nights where he'd tired himself out to the point where he'd been sleeping deeply, and without nightmare memories. Instead, he'd dreamt of peace.

"Hello?" Steve said, trying to keep his tone open.

"I'm sorry to wake you," the voice was Sadie's, soft and sleepy. Any annoyance at his disturbed sleep melted away. "I'm having a tough night."

"It's okay," he answered, sitting up and stifling his yawn so she wouldn't hear. "I'm awake. Couldn't sleep anyways."

"My mom had her first surgery today," Sadie said, tightly.

"Oh," Steve said, making sure he sounded hopeful, despite her melancholic tone. If he assumed the worst, so would she, if the outcome was still uncertain. "How'd it go?"

"Strange managed to resect more of the tumour than originally planned," she explained.

"That's great," he answered, honestly. "And I'm not surprised. You said this guy was the best you could get, right?"

"Right," she said, but her voice was thick with worry. "Then why hasn't she woken up yet?"

He couldn't give her the answer. They both knew that- her guess would be a million times better than his. In that moment, Steve wished he had all the medical knowledge in the world if it meant he could reassure her.

But then, how many doctors did Sadie know? If she wanted to brainstorm, there was always Adrianne, or this infamous Strange himself, so why had she called Steve? No, she wanted something different from him. Comfort, perhaps.

"If she's anything like you then I know she's strong. Give it some time," Steve said, still feeling as though his words were inadequate. "But are _you_ okay, Sadie?"

"Yeah, I just..." she was trailing off. He could hear it in her voice, that she'd been crying. And it broke his heart. " I've just been in my own head for hours, and... It's not a great place to be right now."

Steve was wide awake now. "What do you need?"

"Just help me think about anything else," Sadie said, and he finally felt useful.

"Okay," he said, thinking for a moment. "I'm coming over."

"Hey, it's a long way-"

"Look, I really don't mind, I could do with a break from this place," he explained, already standing to change. "I'll stay on the line, and when I get there, we can go for a drive, and you can clear your head."

"I... don't know what to say," Sadie laughed, sadly.

"Don't say anything," he said, before adding truthfully: "You're always doing things for everyone else. Let somebody do something for you for once."

"Stop, or I'll cry," Sadie said, and sure enough her voice was wobbly. Steve just wanted to hold her. He'd have to make a point of it when he arrived.

"Give me twenty minutes."

~

Sadie's heart and mind felt so heavy, and her body felt even worse. Her head was pounding from the endless tears and panic attacks from the night and she felt like she'd been run over by a thousand trucks. In fact, she'd been so convinced that she'd contracted something, that she'd had Adrianne give her a check up, only for her friend to come to one conclusion.

Sadie was 'doing too much'.

One positive of it all, though, was that her condition was not contagious, and so she could have Steve Rogers kindly visit her half an hour past midnight. A part of her felt awful, she knew he had very strict routine, just like her, and that he'd want to be awake early. But a larger part of her was glad to hear the knock on her apartment door that told her she wasn't alone.

He didn't say a word when she let him in, only set down the bag and takeaway cups from some kind of express machine in his hands. He looked extremely sleepy, with his uncombed hair, and his half-smile, and Sadie felt impossibly guilty for a moment. But Steve took her in his arms, regardless of her selfishness.

Sadie could've stayed like that forever, really. He was warm, and his sweater was soft, and he made her feel something that wasn't immense worry and panic. For the first time months, she thought nothing of surgery, or cancer, or work, or training, or her strained relationship with her sister. She thought not even of the clutter in her apartment, or the mess she looked- she thought of nothing but the feeling of his arms around her.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, Steve Rogers," she said, and she could feel the fast beat of his heart. Perhaps he'd taken the stairs on the way up.

"Shut up," he chuckled. "Take your cocoa. You deserve the world."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that, so she stayed quiet, as she reluctantly parted from him. "It was good of you to come."

"What can I say- I was waiting for an excuse to see you before tomorrow," he grinned, reaching to unload the bags he brought and her guilt was made even worse. If he hadn't mentioned it, she would've forgotten all about their plans to visit some of the many Long Island amusement parks in the evening.

"You didn't have to do all this," Sadie said honestly, observing the contents of the bags. Marshmallows to go with the hot chocolate, and Italian bread and butter. "Really."

"Stop," Steve said. "You stop that kind of talk, alright? Let me look after you."

"Fine. But you better stop that kinda talk," Sadie said, with a chuckle, walking over to the couch and settling herself down. The laugh sounded hollow in her ears. "Every word you're saying is some sappy crap."

Sadie didn't know why she said that. She wanted him to keep talking that way all that night, and all the next day, and every time they were alone together.

Steve shook his head, but he was already done slicing up the bread. "I'm guessing you don't want to drive."

She hummed no. "I wanna watch a movie."

"You got something lined up?"

"Poetic Justice," she said, nodding to the television.

"Is it a sad one?" he asked, setting the platter of bread down on the coffee table, and sitting beside her. She moved up closer to him, shared the blanket between them.

"It's a sad one," Sadie shrugged. "It's got some dark themes. I don't know how much you'd like some of the characters. But it's about love. And family."

"Love and family," Steve repeated. "That doesn't sound so sad."

Sadie could've laughed at that, sure that when they started, he wouldn't feel that way by the end of the opening scene.

"I think we can all gain some education from it, let's just say that," she said, resting her head on his chest.

Sadie was reminded, then, of how she'd sat next to her mother only three hours ago, listening to her heart monitor, watching the faint activity. But Steve's heart- it was loud, and strong, and it was a relief to not have to worry about hearing a flatline.

She felt awful for it.

"Y'know, you were in my dream just now," he said, looping his fingers softly through her curls. She closed her eyes

"I thought you couldn't sleep, Steve," Sadie teased. "So, which is the lie?"

"Shut up," he said, for the second time that night. But Sadie didn't mind it, because of the laugh he said it with. He continued on. "You were baking a pie."

"Good Lord, no wonder you were shocked awake," Sadie said sipping on her hot chocolate. "I can't bake worth anything."

"Ah," Steve smiled. "That explains why the apple tasted like tomato."

"Who else was in this dream?" she asked.

"No one," he said, and she looked up at him. His eyes looked like starlight. "It was just us."

Sadie thought about it then. With their closeness, and his comfort, and that look in his eyes, and the feeling in her chest- it all made her think about it, for a brief, insane moment. She tore her eyes away from his lips. She wouldn't abuse it, this kindness Steve had shown her. She wouldn't take advantage, make him feel obligated.

And so the movie began, and she didn't have to try to focus. Her usually loud brain had quieted, and she didn't know if it was the exhaustion, the hour, or the company. But somehow, despite everything, Sadie Moore felt at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, not gonna lie this one feels weak. Its a little short but I popped in a power explanation for those of you who asked, and Stadie fluff for everyone else, ahaha (in case you don't know, I have a reader base on Wattpad and I'm transferring the story over here, hence the spam of posts in one go)
> 
> Also, pls let me know what you thought of this chapter! Feedback- especially CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is greatly appreciated!
> 
> -Amber.


	22. Good Health and Pioneering

**I** f it weren't for Steve waking her up and driving her to the hospital the next morning, Sadie would have slept right through her alarm and missed visiting hours. He'd slept on the couch, which made her feel impossibly guilty, but if Sadie was honest with herself, even that had been a bad idea.

The morning as it was, was far too blissful. She couldn't imagine what would've been like if Steve had taken up her offer to sleep beside her, and build a wall of pillows between them. Sadie thought he probably understood that the wall wouldn't prove as much of a barrier, and she knew it too. She was glad at least one of them was sensible.

Now, they sat together, Sadie leaning against him, Steve sketching the sunflowers that rested on her mother's table. The movements of his hands were feather light, the strokes of the pencil even softer. Sadie couldn't take her eyes off it.

"You'd think you would be watching me more closely, Doctor Moore." Shan's voice caused both Sadie and Steve to jump- but her momentary shock made way for immense relief. Shan Moore was finally awake, twenty-six hours after her first surgery.

"Ma," Sadie said, with a gasp as she rushed to her mother's side, and kissed her on both cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine, if anything, my head hurts a little but... Strange _did_ crack open my skull," Shan smiled. "Now, Shelly-girl, did I not teach you good manners? We never leave a guest unintroduced."

"Oh," Sadie grinned. "Mom, this is Steve, the one I was telling you about."

"It's a pleasure to meet you ma'am," Steve smiled, politely.

He went to shake Shan's hand, but Sadie already knew that was a bad choice. She smiled fondly at the two of them as Shan took Steve's hand in her own, turned over his palm, and stared at them.

"Do you want to know your future, boy?" Shan said, a grin on her face.

"I wouldn't want to tire you," Steve said, but Shan's contagious smile had already spread, and he was mirroring the expression.

"Mom, let's at least get you a doctor, first," Sadie said, pressing the call button. "Wyatt's the neuro on call, he'll do a good enough job."

"Tsk, Shell, you're no fun- she's no fun, is she?"

"I'm plenty fun!" Sadie laughed. "Aren't I, Steve?"

"Hey," Steve chuckled, putting up his hands and taking a step back. "I'm not getting in the middle of any family feuds."

"You're a traitor," Sadie told him, before handing her mother some new headwraps. "And I'm guessing you don't want these, ma'am?"

"Oh, I never said that," Shan said, inspecting the vibrant materials. "Well, Shell if you won't let me do a reading, then you gotta go to Josephine." Shan then turned to Steve. "Now, son. I consider myself a good, Christian woman-"

"Yeah, that's what she puts on her dating profiles," Sadie snorted.

"I took you to church, didn't I? And you're still going!" Shan said, and Sadie couldn't argue with that. "As I was saying- I'm a good, Christian woman, but sometimes you gotta indulge a little. You just take it all with a pinch of salt. Shell, take him to Josephine."

"What, Josephine all the way in the Heights?" Sadie asked, with a laugh.

She'd never been to visit the notorious New York fortune teller, but she'd heard tales of eerily accurate predictions. Rosa Arnold from eighth grade would get married this year- and she did, Harry McKenzie from legal would suffer a tremendous loss, and he was fired that same week- even Adrianne had been told she would discover a miracle, the same year young Jacob was conceived.

"We can't leave you here alone, Mom," Sadie said, honestly.

"Call that sister of yours, she flew across the ocean to keep me company," Shan laughed. "And if you stay, all I'll do is sleep, and all you'll do is read those files of yours 'till your eyes fall out."

"Mom, I-"

"Steve, this woman needs dragging out of here," Shan said, matter-of-factly. "Take her to one-seventy second street. You're looking for Josephine's, on top of that old Louisiana kitchen. Tell her Shan sent you."

And that was that, it seemed. Sadie spent part of the car journey to the Heights making calls- to Savannah, to tell her their mom was awake, and Adrianne to confirm that yes, _'I don't mind taking the kids if you have to visit Jamie's mom.'_

When Sadie had called Strange to say thank you, he'd responded that it didn't make up for the fact that she doubted his abilities to begin with. She'd argued that her distress the previous day wasn't a professional criticism, but a human worry. Strange, of course, took that with some skepticism.

The knowledge that her mother was getting healthier calmed Sadie in a way that was indescribable. To see Shan laughing and smiling, trying on the many different head wraps she'd requested Sadie bring her to keep her shaved head warm, and to see the progress of her condition confirmed- it was glory at its finest. And what was almost as glorious, was to have Steve Rogers in the driver's seat of her car, as they sang badly to radio tunes they didn't know the lyrics to.

When they reached Josephine's shop- or practise, Sadie felt was more the word- it was an adventure of itself, up rickety staircases and through bead curtains. Josephine was an interesting lady, who looked nothing at all like Sadie would expect.

She was pale skinned, with neat red hair and blue eyes, and she was quite young for the legends Sadie had heard. Her frame was large and voluminous, and her voice held a thick Scottish accent that stuck out in the sea of New York tones. It turned out that Shan's name pulled them no strings whatsoever, and they had to haggle for the price of even a five minute consultation. But Steve ended up striking them an impressive deal.

"Where did you learn those tricks?" Sadie asked him, quietly, as they followed Josephine through the shop. She caught sight of her reflection in a crystal ball and pulled a tongue at it.

"German occupied France," he shrugged. "Trying to get market stalls to take American dollars. Dernier, he was in the Commandos, used to translate- I could hardly speak a word of it then."

"And now?"

 _"Je suis un expert, ma chérie,"_ Steve said, lowly, and her heart skipped a beat.

"That sounds pretty simple simple to me," she grinned. "Did being flirtatious work back then, too?"

"It's France, everyone's flirtatious," Steve said, but his smile didn't last long as he glanced around them. "I'll be honest, Sadie, I'm not sure about all this. She's leading us deeper and deeper into this place."

"Sit," Josephine said suddenly, as she sat herself down on a low stool in front of a table of reclaimed wood, and poured them two cups of tea.

"We're here now," Sadie said to Steve, settling herself down. He sat beside her.

"Give me your hand," the woman said, and Sadie complied. Steve was a little slower to. "Yours as well sir!"

Sadie grinned over at him as he reluctantly put his left hand forwards beside her right, palm up.

"If you're going to tell me I'll live a long life, you don't need to, 'cause I have already," Steve said, and Sadie held back her chuckle.

The palm reader smiled, with a certain twinkle in her eye. "Palm reading isn't to tell you how long you will live, sir. It's to tell you _how_ you will live."

"So, what's what?" Sadie said, trying to compensate.

"These are your heart lines," Josephine said, tracing their palms. "Both strangely similar, yet they couldn't be more different. Yours, young man, is criss-crossed, whereas your lady's is broken. But both mean emotional trauma. You have seen war, and betrayal, sickness and death."

"What a great place to start," Sadie said. She knew the palm reader was telling them general information, and emotional trauma wasn't a hard thing to guess.

"Both are straight, but not short," Josephine turned to Steve. "Do you notice the big difference?"

"Sadie's is longer," he answered, as Sadie sipped her tea with her free hand.

"Yes, it ends just under the index finger," Josephine nodded, before turning back to Sadie. "How long have you been single, ma'am?"

Sadie almost choked. She set down her cup. "Excuse me?"

"You were once engaged, you loved the man deeply," Josephine said. "How long have you been single?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Sadie asked, but the palm reader remained quiet. "I've been single for four years."

"Ha!" Josephine laughed, and she couldn't pretend it didn't sting. "Makes sense. If the line ends below the finger, it means you're picky with lovers! But you are bonny, aren't you? If a man has your attention he's very lucky indeed."

Sadie made a point not to look at Steve.

"Sir, your head line is short, and straight," Josephine said. "It means that you think very clearly. You're set in your morals and that's your greatest strength. But it's a double edged sword. That stubbornness is your greatest flaw. Be careful of it in the coming year."

"Oh, you don't even know," Sadie laughed, revelling in Steve's offended expression. "He definitely always thinks he's right."

"What's interesting is your life line too, sir, " Josephine continued, and Steve flexed his palm. "It's broken. Indicates an abrupt change in your life but... something tells me that has already passed. You can't return to how things were, and it troubles you deeply."

This was something that everybody knew about Steve, Sadie understood that. If Josephine recognised him then she recognised his accomplishments, the world he was born into and the one he found himself in. But he seemed to have let go of his reservations, as Steve listened intensely to Josephine's words.

"It used to," Steve said. "Not anymore."

"Not anymore," Josephine repeated, curiously. "Your fate line is joined to it. Tells me you are self made, and individualistic."

 _"Captain America,"_ Sadie whispered to him, and he nudged her with a laugh.

"Your life line, Doctor Moore," Josephine said, ignoring their banter. Sadie didn't remember ever telling her her name. "Is curved but runs close to your thumb. It's a contradiction. You tire easily, and yet are full of vitality."

"So, she's lazy," Steve said, looking extremely satisfied to repay her teasing. Sadie rolled her eyes, holding back a smile. She failed to hide it.

"Your fate line is incredibly faint," Josephine told her. "Destiny doesn't control you, rather it's vice versa. And your head line- sloped and curved, makes you creative but careful with your line of thinking."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means you need to let go a little," Josephine said with a small smile. "In fact, that goes for both of you. _Embrace_ your emotions. There's something gnawing on your hearts, and you're running short on time. Now, is the time to act. Before external forces obstruct your goals."

"What forces?" Sadie asked, with a frown. "Obstructing what?"

"Only your deepest desire at this time," Josephine said, looking between the two of them. "Surely, you both know what that is? And that it's the same, for the two of you?"

"No, we don't know what that is," Sadie said, somewhat annoyed, but Steve was quiet. "Why can't you just tell us?"

"You only paid for five minutes," Josephine smiled mischievously, closing their palms. That was when Steve snatched his hand away from her, and stood.

"Seriously?" Sadie said. "My goals are life changing shit. My job is to try and cure as many people as possible, and if something's going to get in the way of that, I need to know!"

"C'mon Sadie, it's a sales tactic," Steve said, pulling her up, but she still couldn't shake the chills that ran down her spine. "They always end this sort of thing on a cliffhanger so you'll open your wallet again. And I'm guessing it usually works?"

"Take a look around you, Captain Rogers," Josephine said, calmly. "We are clearly not in profit."

"Regardless," Steve snapped. "The only one who knows my fate is God. And if He's written it in my palms, it's certainly not in a language you, or anyone else can understand."

Sadie believed it too. But for some reason, she couldn't shake the feeling that she would have to uncover the truth of Josephine's words. And soon.  
  
  


~

Sadie never thought she would undergo psychiatric therapy, let alone family therapy. She never thought she would have the chance to rebuild those bridges.

And yet, she felt a weight off her chest, after having spent the past hour in a psychiatrist's office with her sister. Their mother cleverly requested she and Savannah book in for therapy right before her surgery, telling them that they couldn't deny her 'potential dying wish'.

 _"What do the two of you want to achieve?"_ the psychiatrist asked them. She was a kind woman, who clearly loved her job.

 _"For us to be sisters again,"_ Savannah had said and Sadie almost broke down hearing it. _"To heal."_

It was strange, how much her mindset had changed in the past two days- no longer was Sadie wallowing in self pity, she finally felt like herself again, although not any less tired. And having finally finished deciphering each of the inventions in Cho's files, she was ready to shed this weight too.

"I can't take those off you, Sadie," Helen said, raining on her parade. It had taken a lot of work to catch Helen Cho, and now that she had finally managed to find the geneticist, the answer was no?

"There's nothing more I can possibly do with them," Sadie explained, tapping her fingers against the glass desk. Everything seemed to be glass in the Stark Lab. "I've been through them all and it's all _amazing_ stuff-"

"Don't tell me," Helen said, and there was a fear in her eyes. "Don't tell me any of it. Not until you're sure they can't be weaponised."

"I'm a doctor," Sadie reminded her. "Not a weapons specialist. I've done my best, but this isn't my area of expertise. They all look pretty innocent to me."

"Innocent?" Helen repeated, and Sadie nodded. The woman stood, turning her back. "Those ideas, they all came from the sceptre. They're all a product of Ultron's control over me. I cannot accept that every single one of those is innocent."

Sadie stood too, walking over to her colleague and friend, even when she wouldn't look at her. But Helen didn't have to look at Sadie for her to know- the fear of being controlled, was precisely what was controlling her.

"Helen," Sadie said, slowly. "Ultron is gone. He's been completely wiped out, you have nothing to fear. Every trace of him is gone."

"Not every trace of him," Cho said. She raised a finger to her temple. "He's still in here. He's still in the ruins of Sokovia. We still haven't replaced all of the staff he killed- _my_ team, that he annihilated. So, don't tell me he's gone just because you, and the Avengers have moved on."

Sadie was stunned at that. It was all true, of course. How often did the team talk about the chaos they'd left behind? Perhaps it was a coping mechanism- if you don't talk about it, you don't have to deal with the trauma. But that was still wrong.

"I'm sorry," Sadie sighed, despite knowing her apologies would hold no weight. She brought the conversation back to work. "Can you get me a panel?"

"My top staff posts are empty," Helen said, and she felt stupid. Her top staff were dead. "There's just me, and I can't trust myself."

"I can't do this on my own, Helen," Sadie said. "I have no clue what out of this-" she gestured to the two high piles of papers on the desk. "-is weaponisable. I have no clue."

Helen only held her gaze, before speaking slowly. "Then you know who to ask."

Sadie sighed, again. She did know. And she'd have to swallow her pride to do it.   
  
  


~

"A machine that gives you the _perfect_ genetic testing in fifteen minutes," Sadie proposed, unable to contain her grin. "We could identify predispositions to diseases, therefore preventing symptoms or development with a ninety percent success rate. Crohn's Disease? Never heard of it. Cancer? _Not on my watch."_

Tony Stark only hummed in response, eyeing the papers from where he sat back in his seat, twirling the sleek metal pen he held in his hand, ever nonchalant. Sadie wondered how he had ever run a business with this attitude. But then again, she supposed he probably never had many employees knocking on the door of his home demanding an instant meeting.

"Bold claims," he said. "How's it work?"

"By analysing genomes."

"I mean, what's your initial apparatus?" Tony pushed. The look on his face told her he expected something larger than what she had.

Sadie frowned. "A needle?"

"A needle," he repeated, with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't be like that," she warned.

"Okay, okay," Tony said, sitting up at last. "So, a needle. You, uh, what- draw blood? Put it in some kind of scanner?"

"Exactly," Sadie nodded, glad he was understanding.

"Sounds good. But also not very innovative for the Chief of Medical Innovations," he shrugged, standing up. "F.R.I.D.A.Y, pull up the digital blueprints of this plan."

 _"Already done,"_ the digital assistant answered, and a projection of the equipment emerged from the glass table.

"Sheesh," Tony said, cringing as he stared at it. "This is what happens when a doctor tries to be an engineer."

"Hey, these are Cho's ideas, not mine," Sadie argued. "Besides, we're not supposed to be making these into a reality right now. That's for U-Gin to do."

"What about... nanotech?" Tony continued, ignoring her. "F.R.I.D.A.Y, replace this with something logical."

 _"I've merged your invisible shield algorithm with the one the prints propose,"_ F.R.I.D.A.Y answered. _"The result is impressive."_

"What is it?" Sadie asked.

Tony took a moment to scan over the coding, and the projection of the new machine. "Non-invasive. Spray it on like an aerosol- nanoparticles will be able to capture an image of the genomes."

"Then what? Broadcast them to a software that would be able to decipher the coding?" Sadie asked, and Tony nodded, encouraging her to continue. She stood, taking a closer look. "So, that would give you the full data of the patient's DNA. So you'd be able to get a multi-faceted view, see what alleles they carry, not only what's expressed."

"But, we have a key question. Is this weaponisable?" Tony said. "What are you thinking, Intern?"

"I don't know," Sadie said. "That's why I'm here."

"Of course you don't _know,"_ Tony said, somewhat amused. "But, what do you think? Can this be used for... _evil purposes?"_

"Yes," Sadie said. "This technology could tell us exactly what the target's immune system is vulnerable to. It could analyse behavioural patterns, it could be used to add to genes, and even eradicate or mutate them. So, it _is_ weaponisable..."

Sadie thought back to what she'd heard Josephine, their palm reader, tell her that week. That something would obstruct her goals if she didn't act. Perhaps this was the time. Perhaps this was what she had meant, all along.

"I feel like there's a 'but' about to follow that statement," Tony said.

"But, there is so much _good_ it could do!" Sadie's mind was being pulled two ways. "We could save so many lives with this technology, cure so many diseases! And yeah, it's weaponisable but, so what?"

"So what?" Tony repeated, with a wide grin.

"Everything is!"

"You could weaponise a pen," he said, simply.

"A table!"

"A goddamn _tree,"_ Tony said. He extended his arms. "Look who you're talking to, Moore-"

"You weaponised an outfit!" Sadie laughed, suddenly unable to stand still.

"Not exactly how it works, but sure," he said. "The point is- you can weaponise anything. You want the short answer that you came here for? All of this is weaponisable. But are you gonna scrap the whole thing because of it?"

"No. And am I going to ignore all the good it could do because of a few bad guys?" Sadie asked, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with excitement. "Hell, no!"

_"Hell, no!"_

"We're gonna make this shit foolproof, Tony," Sadie said, aware of how fast her speech was. She couldn't slow down if she tried. "You're gonna help me, and we're gonna make this work. Nobody is using any of this for bad, 'cause we're going to make sure they can't. You're gonna help me.''

"You know, I got my own projects going on..." Tony teased, and she rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. But Stark Industries has gotta own at least fifty percent of this."

"We own seventy," Sadie grinned, and it was beyond satisfying to see she had caught him off-guard. "You may call me an intern, Tony, but I'm not working for free."

"Remind me to thank Steve," he said, out of nowhere, making his way over to a shelf and pouring two glasses of scotch.

"For what?" Sadie smirked, although she already knew the answer. She just wanted to hear him say it.

"For getting you fired all those years ago, so you could come and work for me," Tony said, handing her a glass. "Don't let me forget."

"He really did get me fired, huh?" she laughed, swirling the cup in her hand.

"Mmm," Tony hummed. "I mean, if I were you, I would've just dumped him there and then. You don't need a man dragging you down, sister."

"Shut up, you know it's not like that." Sadie said.

"Oh, it is," Tony shrugged. "You're all he talks about."

"Shut up," she repeated, but the look on Tony's face didn't change. She was silent for a moment, considering if she should ask. In the end she supposed there was no harm. "What's he say?"

"Can't tell you. What sort of friend do you think I am?" he gasped, in mock offence.

"God, I hate you!"

"Let's make a toast," Tony grinned, raising his glass. "To good health, and pioneering."

"That's so pretentious, Stark," she said, but clinked her glass against his any. "Good health and pioneering."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I very much enjoyed writing it- it is of course the biggest relief that Shan pulled through, she's a tough one and even nearly sent Stadie on a date there, but I had to fill it with some angst because we all know the horror show that is to come
> 
> Also, had to include some Tinkering Tony™️ in here because I miss him literally SO much and Sadie highkey needs an engineer for these projects Cho gave her because although our girl is smart, she cant do what he can without studying first
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter, and how you are all doing!  
> -Amber.


	23. Cadence

**"** **A** nd how did this 'Cho' take it all?" Savannah asked Sadie, as they caught up over a coffee- a strategically placed date.

Their therapist had suggested they place it in a half hour slot and never exceed that time, even if they felt completely comfortable staying longer. It was rocky territory, so Sadie and Savannah decided they would meet before she had to leave for training that evening, a way to make sure they stuck to the rules.

They had also agreed that safe topics of talk were school, work, life in London- or Cambridge now, Sadie supposed- life in New York, relationships, friendships, music, and the like. Unsafe topics were anything to do with the accident, their father, or their estrangement.

Simultaneously, Sadie was conveniently given the responsibility of watching Jacob Valentina whilst his parents worked late, and his sister slept over at a friend's. She only realised today what a great icebreaker children were, as Jacob had taken to carrying a pocket set of Lego with him everywhere, and the pieces covered the entire table, and he'd brought enough for the three of them to share. Sadie was building a house.

"Cho took it exactly how would I would take it if one of my colleagues decided to completely ignore my instructions," Sadie sighed.

"Okay, but you are trying to save lives with all of this medicine," Savannah said, her quick witted lawyer's brain immediately offering a defense. "So what does it matter what your boss-slash-not-boss has to say? Your other boss-not-boss seems to be one hundred percent on board. And I think Tony Stark trumps Helen Cho-"

"Hey!"

"Yeah, I know, she's a well renowned geneticist," Savannah chuckled. "But she's giving my sister a hard time, whereas Stark is a _rock star_ who is, like I said, on board."

"A little too on board," Sadie laughed. "I feel like I've kinda gotten over the hype of it all, now I'm just barely trying to keep my head over the water. But Tony... it seems he has unlimited energy."

"Well, he is an engineer," Savannah said, and Sadie barked out a laugh.

"You should be proud of that one," she said, trying to make a window out of clear Lego blocks.

"You ever thought of slowing down?" Savannah asked, suddenly, her eyes full of concern. "I haven't seen you stop since I arrived. You're working what, seventy, eighty hours a week?"

"Sixty," Sadie corrected, fully aware that that was no better.

"Except that _would_ be the case if you weren't also caring for Mom with me," she answered, mixing her latte. "And training. And if you hadn't also taken on your project to make Captain America cultured, which is both extremely sweet, and equally ironic by the way. Overall, I'd say eighty hours is about right."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that, so she turned to the five year old sat beside them. "Wow, Jake this looks amazing! You could be an architect when you're older."

"It's Avengers Tower, but I'm not finished yet," Jacob answered, his voice its usual quiet tone. He turned back to the building blocks. "Aunt Sadie, don't ignore Aunt Sav."

"Oh, I get it, an artist can't be distracted from his work," Sadie laughed, ruffling his hair.

Savannah still stared at her in concern, the law student holding steady on saying nothing. Sadie knew it was a tactic, one doctors used, too. Stay silent and the patient, or client, will give you more information to fill the silence, and then you have more evidence to work with. That didn't stop Sadie from falling for it, and spilling her guts.

"Look, Mom isn't labour, and even if she were, the hospital supports us. And Steve isn't labour either, he's just a guy I-" she tripped over her words a little. "He's just a guy I'm friends with. But I'm _fine,"_ Sadie laughed again, but her sister still looked unconvinced. "Sav, I don't want you to worry. I got this."

"Labour isn't just your work, Shell. It can be emotional too. Maybe the inventions can wait 'till things slow down a bit?" Savannah said, and Sadie was stunned. The twenty year old laughed uncomfortably. "I'm pushing it. We should save it for therapy, huh?"

"No, it's okay," Sadie said, forcing a chuckle. "I appreciate the thought. But this work is too cool to leave it alone! Guess what? We're also building an injectable organic compound that fights off infectious diseases with a hundred percent rate- we'll never need antibiotics again!"

"Shell, that sounds great."

"And that's only some of the big stuff," she continued. "We could cure the common cold!"

"So many people would want to sue you," Sav laughed. "You'd kill the whole cold and flu industry with one drug."

"But improve quality of life for everyone else," Sadie said. "That's more important than greedy pharma companies."

"You're stubborn, it suits you," Savannah said, with a smile. Sadie noticed Savannah had dropped the 'r' how a Brit would. Stubborn. Perhaps she'd said it that way because she was a Brit, now. "Driven like Mom."

Sadie was impossibly moved by that. She knew Savannah could see it, so she thanked her, and flashed her a smile, then reminded Jacob it was time to pack away his Lego- preserving the tower of course.

"I never used to be stubborn at all, you know. Used to be spineless," Sadie said. "Did I ever tell you how Adrianne had to teach me how to tell someone- _no, I will not write your research paper, jackbutt!"_

"Jackbutt?" Savannah laughed loudly- a loud laugh Sadie hadn't heard in years. She only wished it wasn't almost time to go, so she could hear more of it. Sadie just cocked her head in Jacob's direction, an excuse for her censorship. Savannah didn't stop her teasing as she stood. "Was it the 'no' you struggled with, or the word 'jackbutt'?"

"Both," she shrugged, picking up her duffel bag. She checked her watch. "Poop, I'm late."

 _"Poop,"_ Savannah repeated with a raised eyebrow. Sadie rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to drop Jake off, make it easier on you? 'Cause I can do that now," she added smugly. "'Cause I'm the fanciest girl on the block and I got a _hire car_."

"That would be perfect, angel," Sadie grinned, turning to the boy beside them. "Jake, how about an adventure with Aunt Sav in her hella cool hire car?"

"Hell yes," Jacob replied, sounding exactly like his father. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to training, and guess what?" Sadie grinned, with a sideways glance at Savannah. "I'm gonna go right back to researching after, because I'm relentless, and coffee exists. But I'll see you next week, cutie."

"Please excuse me while I wipe out all existing coffee trees," Sav said, as Sadie pressed a kiss to Jacob's forehead.

"We need those to save the planet," she said, hugging her sister goodbye before leaving the coffee shop.

The drive to the upstate facility was long, as usual, but Sadie mixed it up with some familiar tunes- her girl power playlist from when she was eighteen years old. It still held the test of time.

She couldn't help but wonder about Savannah's advice, no matter how much they'd both laughed it off. But she pushed it out of her mind, reminding herself that she had worked twenty four hours a day for a year in Afghanistan, and again in Libya. Except maybe Savannah was right. Maybe she was labouring emotionally too.

When she arrived at the Avengers Facility, a stern faced Natasha Romanoff waiting at the entrance, tapping her foot impatiently as the sky dimmed.

"Aceso," Natasha said, with a hint of annoyance. "You're late."

"Sorry," Sadie said, falling into step with her. "I had to build lego and get a reality check."

"About what?" Natasha asked.

The list was too long to get into, and if she was honest, Sadie simply didn't want to think about it all. So instead, she shrugged, and casually said: "Being a hard worker."

"I'll be the judge of that," Natasha said, with a smile. "You got two minutes to change- meet me in the training room."

~

Sadie would have expected to be the first person who'd clocked in for work that morning, partially because she hadn't clocked out that night. Sadie had fallen asleep at her desk in the lab at around twenty-past three, and spent her first, and hopefully last night, overnight at the Avengers compound.

Despite the early hours, she was unsurprised to find Steve Rogers already awake and prepped for the day as she walked into the training room, her hair still wet from her morning shower. He didn't look like he'd just arrived.

"Natasha actually asked me to pick between two shades of magnolia for her room," she said, and he turned to face her. "Please tell me you're not all living here."

"I mean, not all of us, and not technically or permanently, but practically," Steve shrugged undoing his gauze hand wraps.

"Oh my god," Sadie said, shaking her head as she dropped her training bag, and kicked off her shoes.

"It's not all bad," he shrugged. "It's like summer camp."

"You went to summer camp?"

"No," he admitted, as she walked over to him. "It wasn't really a thing for me growing up."

"Then how's it like summer camp?" Sadie frowned.

Steve looked genuinely baffled as he said, "It's... not?"

"This isn't a life, Steve," she reminded him. As she said it, she realised that she sounded almost exactly like Savannah had the previous evening. Sombre and pitiful. "Sorry, I just... it doesn't sit well."

There was a time, not long ago, when Sadie looked upon the lives of the Avengers with a definitive detachment. Then, there was a time when she worried for the heroes she had befriended, and the extent of their working. Now, she realised that perhaps her lifestyle, and Steve's, were no longer all that different.

"It's the cards we've been dealt," Steve said, truthfully. "How's Nat's training been?"

"Alright," Sadie said, with a shrug. "I feel like I'm learning loa- whoa!"

Steve's leg had swept under her own as he attempted to trip her- she stumbled, but ultimately managed to maintain her balance as she spun away from him, into a defensive position.

"Is this an assessment?" she asked, as he grinned mischievously at her.

"No. Natasha said you're improving and I'm curious to see it," Steve replied. "But if you impress me, you get top marks."

Sadie had never gotten anything less than top marks in her life, so she launched into action, the moves Nat had taught her over the past month almost second nature to her now. Steve blocked and deflected her fairly well, always following up with light jabs and kicks. Sadie clutched his fist, twisting his arm harshly and- to her satisfaction- he lost his footing as she forced him to his knees.

"Why are you going easy on me?" Sadie asked, with her eyebrow raised.

"It's called being polite," Steve said, through gritted teeth as she kept his arm locked.

"Don't," she ordered, and within milliseconds he was moving again, and she was pinned beneath him. Sadie squirmed and twisted to no avail, she even tried the classic knee to the groin technique she'd seen in so many movies. Real life wasn't like the movies though, it seemed.

Steve sat back on his heels, his weight still holding her down as he formed a pretend gun with his hands. His voice was impossibly smug as he said, "All it takes is one shot, and you're down for the count, Aceso."

It only spurred her on further. Keeping her movements rapid, Sadie slammed her arm against his wrist, weakening his mock gunpoint- she wouldn't be able to shift Steve's strength physically, so Sadie forced her body upwards, sending a gust of bright light from her hands. Her power pushed him off her, and she didn't waste a moment before launching herself onto him, grinning proudly as she leaned in close, formed her own mock gun with her hands.

"Bang," Sadie commented, lowly, resting her fingers against his temple. "And you're down for the count, Cap."

Steve said nothing for a moment, only their shallow breaths between them. His gaze wandered down, reminding Sadie of their precarious position, but it wasn't long before his eyes locked onto hers once more.

"You're a cheat," Steve commented. She could smell the mint on his breath. "I've been swindled."

His pupils were dilated. Sadie held back her smile by biting her lip, and sat back, freeing him. He shifted, pulled his knees up to his chest. She ignored the strange movement.

"What was it you said to me that one time?" she asked, tightening her satin scrunchie. "If you can't outfight 'em..."

"Outsmart them," Steve said, with a smile, and she nodded.

Sadie held her hand out to him, and he took it to shake. "Fair play?"

"Fair play," he agreed, letting go. "I think I gotta agree with Nat. You might be ready for a mission or two. There's been too many times you would've been handy to have around."

"I'm always handy to have around," Sadie said, holding back her excited grin.

There was a thundering of footsteps, and Sadie glanced out of the large widow to see a large group of young cadets performing drills. They ran in perfect synchronisation, and all sang the same forceful army song in booming voices despite their fast jog.

"Why are they-"

"The cadence," Steve answered, reading her mind. "Singing in a cadence helps them keep their heads up, breathe stronger while they run."

She listened closer to the words as the sound faded, but managed only to catch a single line: _"Proud of all that we have done, fighting strong 'til the battle's won..."_

"It's pretty intense for their age," Sadie said. "What are they- eighteen?"

"There were kids younger than that in my unit," he said. "Youngest were maybe fifteen, sixteen? They cheated their way in like I tried to, wanted to serve their country."

"That's..." _horrific_ , she wanted to say, but didn't. She was sure Steve knew it.

"Kids then didn't have what they have now," he reminded her. "It's easy to volunteer when life isn't all that comfortable to begin with. But we embraced the little things."

"Like what?"

"I don't know- playing games with coke bottles- glass ones, not that flimsy plastic," Steve said, a soft smile on his face. "Holding onto the back of a bus when you didn't have a ticket, stealing cigars the older men left behind-"

"You stole cigars? That's gross."

"People used to say they cured asthma," Steve said, defensively.

"Right. And you believed them," Sadie teased.

"I was reading about how tobacco can be good for you," he commented, matter-of-factly. "What do you think Doctor Moore?"

"The evidence is weak, but there's some to suggest that it prevents Parkinson's Disease, and it can boost the effect of some cardiac drugs, but the cons far outweigh the pros," Sadie said. She thought for a moment. "Nicotine is also an appetite suppressant so I suppose you could argue it prevents obesity, but I've never _once_ had a patient who went off their favourite foods because they started chain smoking. No, those guys always turn up with scarred lungs and bronchitis and um, cancer."

A reminder, once more, of what her mother was facing, that very moment. The cancer of the brain. Sadie glanced at her watch- they'd be administering Shan's first round of chemo any time now. And to think that there were companies, profiting off people's sickness and addiction, causing them the same pain her mother had, with their only thought being to add the words _'smoking kills'_ to packaging-

She quickly disguised her wandering thoughts and it seemed to work since Steve's lips were still turned up in a smile.

"How'd you get so clever?" He asked her, making her heart race.

"I studied," Sadie grinned. "Enough about me, back to teenage-Steve, already. You really had fun with whatever you could find huh?"

"Yeah. Me and Buck," he said. "And his sisters would chase us down the street telling us to get home, but we never went until it got dark."

There it was- that fond expression. Bucky Barnes meant so much to Steve, it made Sadie want to pray the soldier could be found soon enough. So she did, in her own head.

"I hope I never have a son like the two of you," she said, sternly.

"And were you so good your whole life, doll?" Steve asked, sending heat rushing to her face. She wished he would stop calling her that when she least expected it, it made her short circuit.

"Yes, actually, I was," Sadie said. "I think I listened to the lyrics of _Waterfalls_ a little too closely." He only looked at her, puzzled, so she added: "Right. Another one on the list. Essentially, I was a little too scared to act crazy. Plus, I was busy- I decided on medical school at age twelve."

"Of course you did," he smiled, and even as they sat quietly, she could tell he was still feeling nostalgic. "And look at us now. Alien invasions, machines coming to life, so-called gods and monsters and the rest of it," Steve sighed, looking genuinely baffled. "If you'd asked me what I thought about that when I was twenty, I would've said you were crazy."

"Do you miss it?" Sadie asked him, tentatively. "The old days?"

"Do I miss it?" He repeated, and the look on his face made Sadie wonder if the question was appropriate. Nothing she had ever said to him had made him look so... insulted. Especially when only a moment ago he had been so content.

"I just mean... would you go back if you could?" She asked again, trying to save it but it didn't seem to change anything. His face was hard, as he looked out of the window at the green trees.

It was a while before he spoke.

"I miss the people. I miss the naivety I had, and sometimes- very rarely- I miss that despite it all, the world seemed to be mine for the taking. That old American Dream, whatever I wanted could be mine, if I worked for it," he said, but his tone was bitter.

He shook his head, before looking at her. "But it was only ever at other people's expense. I don't miss the world I lived in. I don't miss that women were treated like dirt, or that working men were dying of _preventable_ diseases while the rich got fat."

"Of course you don't," Sadie said, feeling slightly stupid. It was her own fault.

"I _certainly_ don't miss the fact that you and I would probably never have been in the same room, and if we were, there'd be almost no _'acceptable'_ interaction. You would've had to give up your seat for me, and we'd drink from different fountains. So no, Sadie. I wouldn't go back. Even if it meant I could have everything I ever wanted, I would never contribute to that again."

Sadie was stunned by that. Of course, she knew all of this, in the back of her mind. She knew of poverty and sexism, and above all she knew of segregation. She remembered learning about the Civil Rights movement in school, hearing the experiences of the elders in her neighbourhood, and how her own parents had met throughout the rioting and speeches, when they had both come here for work.

And all of that was still twenty years after Steve had gone into the ice. She was painfully aware of exactly how it would've been for people like her who lived in his generation.

For any black child growing up in the US, seeing the remnants of the old American attitudes wasn't hard to do when they were still so blazingly relevant. But Sadie had never connected those dots to Steve, and his life before she knew him. Had never thought about how he may have benefited from it all. Maybe because she'd never let herself think it, afraid of whatever it might reveal.

It was terrible, but she was glad to see the guilt in his eyes- a healthy guilt, one that meant that he truly understood things differently now. She decided to attempt to thin the tension in the air, so she pulled her lips into a grin, nudged his side playfully.

"Explains why when you woke up from the ice, you were totally scared of me," Isadora chuckled and Steve smiled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"Hey, I was confused," Steve laughed. "I was scared of everyone! You try waking up after that long and the whole world's changed."

"Bet you thought I was a maid," Sadie teased, playfully.

"I did _not_ think you were a maid!"

"Yeah, like what's this lady doing in a white coat and why's this guy calling himself a director?" Sadie added, in her best (and worst) impression of him. "Wait, am I supposed to take _orders_ from these people?"

"Stop!" At least Steve was laughing at himself, she supposed. He added sarcastically: "God, you must've thought the world of me, coming out of that time."

"Actually I did. I knew what you'd fought for, why you were here," Sadie shrugged. "But regardless, I was treating you. You were my patient, and it wasn't my business what your beliefs and opinions were. 'Cause at the end of the day, I just thought, this is the world he's stuck with, so he better get used to it."

"Well, I'm glad I am stuck with this," he said, and she looked at him to see that his expression was genuine. "And I'm certainly getting used to it."

"Anyway, I doubt things were all that easy for you back then anyway," Sadie shrugged. "Am I making this up, or did you have polio?"

"Wow, Sadie, way to bring up childhood trauma," Steve said, in mock offence and she nudged him as she laughed. "Yeah, I did. God, I was the sickest kid in the world, and you know the symptoms- I thought I was going to die."

"I'm glad you didn't," Sadie said. "I really am glad you're here. I know it must be hard for you."

"You know, it's really not, anymore," he answered, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "I've found people, like you. Good people. I'm not alone like I used to be."

It was silly, and childish, but Sadie pulled him forward, insisted on a great big hug that probably lasted a little longer than it should have. Not that she was complaining. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This chapter was a sticky one towards the end. But this kinda thing has to be addressed when you're pairing someone Steve Rogers (a character who was literally designed to be the perfect white man) with someone like Sadie Moore who, you guessed it, is Black with a capital B, folks.
> 
> I decided to have them laugh it off at the end, but acknowledge the brutal fact that, yeah Steve's upbringing and the world he grew up in meant he directly benefited from racism, but there's no hard feelings because like Sadie noticed, he genuinely feels guilty for it and sees why it was so wrong- unlike some people *cough endgame Steve cough* who would happily go back to that :/
> 
> Also hope you guys are enjoying seeing a little more of Savannah's character, and the slow repair of hers and Sadie's relationship, that was a lot of fun to write (thanks to Bekah, @sorceress-supreme on Wattpad, for the prompt!)  
> -Amber.


	24. Useful and Dangerous

**S** adie shouldn't have been so nervous. It was a routine mission, and she'd successfully taken part in many just like it over the last two months. But this time, when she'd read the brief, it was different.

This had children involved.

"Otto Vermis," Steve explained again, when they all stood on the Quinjet, the plane set to autopilot. He pulled up a projection of the man's image- a cold, cruel looking man with deep lines in his face and a monocle Sadie doubted was for vision purposes. "Known high-ranking member of HYDRA. Rumour has it he's taken up philanthropy, opened an orphanage outside the city of Florence."

"That's a hell of a career change," Sam said, sounding like this was his first time hearing any of it.

It probably was, Sadie thought, since Sam never read the briefs. Instead, he just turned up with his wings and managed to get through it all on a moment's notice. Sadie was slightly jealous- when it came to this sort of thing, she had to study. She didn't have that self assured ease that came with experience on hundreds of combat missions. So to emulate it, she studied every target, risk assessed for every possible outcome, memorised the facts and the figures and the witness statements.

"All the kids have one thing in common," Sadie said. "They're all enhanced in one way or another. And their parents have all died recently, in car accidents, or of rare diseases- some of which, I gotta mention, aren't even known to exist in Italy. So these deaths are all likely to be murders, and if they are...It's safe to say Vermis is behind it all."

"How many kids?" Sam asked. "What are their ages?"

"Seventeen kids, all between the ages of five to eighteen, a mix of genders. It's going to be a tight squeeze in here on the way out," Natasha answered. "Seriously, Sam, will you ever read what I send you?"

"My brain is like a sponge, Widow, I can soak up info like _that,"_ Sam said, snapping his fingers confidently. "You only gotta tell me all this once."

"Vermis is wanted for questioning by the Italian Army," Steve spoke up, again. "We've agreed to hand him over to them when we finish, but they're going to have to keep us updated."

"If HYDRA could get into SHIELD then they can get into the Italian Forces," Wanda pointed out. "Especially considering the history of it all."

"We've requested the CIA send in some double agents, make sure Vermis doesn't get out of this scot-free," Natasha said. She paused, adding hesitantly: "We've done our best."

Natasha didn't mention the elephant in the room. It was a well-known fact, at this point, that with the criticisms of the Avengers' operation in Sokovia, there was a constant struggle now to get foreign affairs in order. Europe in particular, didn't completely trust them. Sadie couldn't blame anyone for that. She turned the topic back to what's important.

"We know that these children are facing abuse- mentally, emotionally and physically," Sadie said. "They're being trained up to be HYDRA's new wave of weaponry. But it's more than likely they've been brainwashed into their agenda, especially the younger ones. They might not want to leave."

"Which is why the two of you," Steve said, gesturing to Wanda and Sadie. "Will be handling the evacuation. We want to make this as gentle as possible, so try to convince them verbally first. Sadie, you're gonna heal up anyone who needs it. And last resort-"

"I use my power to make the children leave," Wanda said. "Like we did in Sokovia."

"Just like that," Steve confirmed. "Me, Sam and Nat will bring in Vermis."

"We gotta find him first though," Nat said, pulling up the maps of the 'orphanage', entrances and exits all highlighted in red. "The place is a fortress, but we've located all the entrances and exits, and we're not letting anyone leave."

Sadie had seen those blueprints before as well, studied it so she knew her way directly from where they'd land the plane to where the children were kept, and back. She estimated it would take nine minutes each way, but there was no telling how long it would take to get the kids ready to leave. A minor issue, though- if they could get the older ones to buddy up with the youngest, it would make it much smoother.

Sadie only had one glaring gap in her knowledge, and it was a detail she'd tried so hard to fill, to no avail.

"Do we have any new information on what the kids' enhancements are?" Sadie asked, and she was frustrated to see Steve shake his head.

"I'm sorry. If any of them pose a threat, one of us will be down to help you," he said. "But I doubt either of you will need us."

He was right, she supposed. Perhaps it was fitting that she and Wanda, who both had powers somewhere beyond their understanding despite their mastery, should be the ones to help the children who undoubtedly felt the same confusion. Sadie ran her hands down her side, double checking the buckles of her leather suit. She checked each one again.

"Touch down in ten," Nat commented, before turning her tone into a saccharine sarcasm. "Sam, if you need us to repeat anything for you, please let us know."

"Very funny," the soldier said, without a hint of amusement.

"You should have done your homework," Wanda smirked. "Like the rest of us."

Sadie tuned out of the bickering, instead reaching towards the duffel bag she'd brought with them, tossing each of the three heroes a litre water bottle each.

"Drink up," she reminded them, uncapping her own drink. She could have sworn she saw Natasha holding back a laugh, though she couldn't understand why. "Doctor's orders."

"Alright, _Mom,"_ the red haired woman sniggered, but Sadie wasn't phased. They'd all be thanking her later when they were fighting fully hydrated.

As the group all split to prepare, Sadie went over the list of the children who were English speakers. Eli Bradley, Jessica Drew, Katherine Pryde. She'd memorised those names for reference, she'd memorised them all. Those three, in particular, were all in their late teens and hopefully a little more aware of HYDRA's manipulation. But she supposed age was no indication of autonomy.

"I don't think your bandages and tape will have disappeared in the last two minutes since you checked that belt," the voice was Steve's. Sadie didn't realise she was rooting through her supplies until he'd pointed it out.

"I'm just triple checking, I feel like I'm missing something," she said, trying to play it off.

The truth of the matter was that every time Sadie had been on a mission, from D.C to now, she'd always been right by Steve's side. And it had been reassuring. Not because she felt she needed him to protect her, or that he needed her to protect him, but rather because it had always made it easier to know he was just ahead of her, or two steps behind. To know that if he hurt himself, he'd be in arms reach, and she would be there in time to heal him.

Now, though, Sam, Nat and Steve were heading into this facility with no real clue as to where they would find Vermis, or his goons. Which meant, in turn, that Sadie wouldn't know where her friends would be- where Steve would be- if she needed to get to them at any given time. According to Natasha, the trio would be 'winging it', while Sadie and Wanda focused on their task.

"Ah, of course," Sadie laughed, pretending a realisation had dawned on her. She reached forward, grabbing something metal from the bench and shoving it into her utility belt. The steel of the blades were cold under her skin, the sort of thing that was so useful, and so dangerous. "Scissors! That's what I'm missing."

She hated that Steve seemed to be able to see right through her. She only hoped he wouldn't press any further, because then she'd be sure to tell the truth and embarrass herself. He stepped forward, took her gloved hands in his own.

"Can we agree on something?" he asked, and she hummed in response. "Neither of us are going anywhere the other can't follow. We'll make it a policy."

Sadie closed her eyes for a moment, checked her own breathing. When she opened her eyes again, she realised his statement wasn't rhetorical.

"Not a policy," she answered. "A promise. Don't go where I can't follow."

Steve just nodded his head, and she let go of his hands. "Okay. I promise."

They landed the Quinjet near enough to make for a smooth evacuation, but not close enough to be detected. Then it was a case of moving on foot across the arid acreage, staying low and quiet, to avoid the sentries. God, this place was certainly no orphanage if it had armed guards.

Sadie's heart was in her mouth as they approached the site- a large, pale stone building, with ivy along its side, and tulips at its base. Something straight out of a postcard. But she knew the horrors that were taking place inside.

The team halted, waiting as Sam navigated his drone, the first part of their plan on entry. Sadie watched carefully as the drone- 'Redwing', Sam called it- halted behind the guards, who were more concerned with having a chat than keeping an eye out. And so, it was less than ten seconds before the guards were slumped on the ground, with tranquilisers in their necks.

A quick gesture from Steve ('you go left and we'll go right') had the team finally split, as Sadie and Wanda headed towards the east gate, and Steve, Sam and Natasha moved west. They were feather light on their feet, just as Nat had taught Sadie to be, leaping over the gate with ease, and making their way into the building.

It was a stark difference, the picturesque façade of the exterior, compared with the dark of the interior. The air grew more and more stagnant the further into the fortress the duo crept, Wanda sending any guards conveniently to sleep with her powers as they made their way towards the children's quarters. And when they reached it, Sadie had never seen any living conditions so horrific.

The room was small for the amount of people, perhaps the size of Sadie's own bedroom at home, but this room fit far more than seventeen kids. She glanced at Wanda when she finished her headcount, and it seemed Wanda had realised it too. There were twenty six children in this room. It'd be more than a tight squeeze on the Quinjet.

A few of the older ones stood, although it was a wonder how they found the room to do so, and already defensive in their stance. Sadie recognised two in particular, the ones she knew she could communicate with, without a language barrier. Eli Bradley, stood closest to her, shaved head displaying tribal patterns, face cold and hard. Sadie knew from his files that he was of Caribbean heritage just like her, he'd had an upbringing just like hers, until HYDRA.

Jessica Drew, stood beside him, tall and beautiful despite her age, and a small boy latched onto the material of her red leather jacket. She was the first to speak, loud and confident before either Sadie or Wanda had a chance to open their mouths.

"Who the hell are you?" Drew asked, and Sadie had to admire the strength of her tone.

"My name is Doctor Moore," Sadie started. "This is Wanda Maximoff. We're here to rescue you."

"From what?" Bradley asked. The kids in front of him made way as best they could as he walked closer.

"I was like you," Wanda spoke, gently. "I was like all of you. But Vermis, he's messing with your minds, trying to mould you all into something you're not."

"We want to help you," Sadie added. "We have a plane, you could all come aboard, we'll get you out of here-"

"You think we couldn't all leave if we wanted to?" The voice was sudden and close, and Sadie hated that she jumped slightly in shock, but she couldn't blame herself. Katherine Pryde had just walked into the room through the wall. "We stay because we have a purpose."

"Which is?" Wanda asked.

"To save the world," Drew said. "From the likes of you. Avengers. You're what brings chaos to the world."

"And who told you that?" Sadie challenged. "Otto Vermis? You think he cares for any of you?"

"He gave us a roof over our heads," Bradley argued, strongly. "He took us in when we were alone. HYDRA took us in."

"HYDRA is the reason you were alone in the first place," Wanda said, suddenly. "HYDRA killed your parents."

"Wanda-"

"No, they need to know the truth," she said, silencing Sadie swiftly. "These people staged all of the events of the past year, so that they could bring you here, turn you into weapons. Just like they tried to do to me, and to my brother. They make you think it's your choice, when really, they've orchestrated everything."

"What do you mean they killed our parents?" Drew asked, her voice a deadly calm. Sadie had to diffuse the situation.

"We'll explain it all when we get back to the States," Sadie said. "Please- we don't have much time. You can't live like this."

"She's right," Pryde said, much to Sadie's relief. "We already lost Adam and Tom and Katy-"

"If we go with you," Bradley said. "You have to promise that what you say is true. You have to give us this information about our families. No secrets."

"No games, no conditions," Drew added.

"We promise," Sadie said, carefully.

"Are you sure?" Drew said. "'Cause if you go back on your word, that'll be it for you. We aren't deciding this on a whim. We have the upper hand here. We are all extremely powerful, and extremely angry."

"You have every right to be," Sadie nodded. "But we're going to tell you the truth, and we're going to let you live the lives you should be living. Not... this."

Eli Bradley didn't speak, only stared into Sadie's eyes, waiting to see when she would crack. She didn't, held his gaze for a long moment until he broke their stare, turned to the room and spoke for a while in Italian. It seemed he had chosen to believe her, because soon, all the children were gathering their things, ready to follow Wanda out of the base.

"I'll take the back of the group," Sadie said, relief flooding through her. Perhaps this operation would be smoother than she thought. Wanda nodded her way, and soon, the kids were filling out.

Sadie was ready to follow until she recognised a limp in the steps of one of the boys, perhaps about eight or nine. She knew no Italian, but stopped him with gestures, until he nodded, and rolled up his shorts to reveal the bandaged cut on his thigh. The bandage was rancid, and Sadie was sure that it hadn't been swapped for days, so she removed it, well aware that the group were halfway down the hall. Healing the wound didn't take much time at all, the glow of her hands knitting skin and muscle back together, until the boy was able to run off after the group.

Sadie straightened up, a satisfied smile on her face as she spoke into her communicator. "We've convinced the kids. On our way out."

 _"Great,"_ Nat replied, but Sadie was suddenly frozen. _"Progress on our side is slow but sure."_

There was the feeling of something cold and metal on her temple, and Sadie knew instantly what it was. She was being held at gunpoint, and Otto Vermis was the one posing the threat.

"Give me your gun," the man spoke, slowly, European accent thick, and he was so close that she could smell his putrid breath.

Sadie let her hands make her way towards her utility belt, removing the weapon, and placing it in Vermis' open palm. She knew that she should be coming up with a plan, making some sort of maneuver to get herself to a more advantageous position, but all Sadie could focus on in that moment, was the metal against her skull. She was a deer in headlights.

 _"Anyone got eyes on Vermis?"_ the voice was Steve. It sounded like his teeth were gritted, and she could hear the clanging of metal on metal in the background.

Sadie raised a shaky hand to her communicator. "I do."

_"Where?"_

"Right in front of me," she said, watching the smirk on Vermis' aged face grow wider.

"Take that out," he said, pressing the metal a little harder against her temple. Sadie could feel her heart hammering against her ribs. She complied, removing her communicator from her ear. "Put it on the ground." She did, dropping the plastic and metal device to the floor. "Crush it."

Sadie could hear the voices of her teammates through the speaker, could hear Steve begging her for more information, but she did as she was told, and brought her foot down onto the device.

"Good," Vermis surmised. "Now, you are going to show me your vehicle, and fly me out of here."

"I- I can't fly," Sadie stammered, dropping her hands to her side. That was when she felt the outline of something- something sharp, something so useful, and so dangerous.

"Then you know what you have to do, don't you, Aceso?" Vermis chided.

"Yes," she said, fingers inching towards the scissors in the pocket of her belt. She left her fist curl around them.

"You have to learn how to-" Vermis's words were cut short as Sadie ducked beneath his gunpoint rapidly, and drove the blade of the scissors into his neck, hard as she could.

She heard the bang of the gun as the pulled missed her, then the clatter of it hitting the floor as she buried the scissors further in, breaking skin and veins and muscle. Vermis's eyes were wide as he watched her, spluttering for breath. But somehow, despite it all, he managed to speak those famous words:

_"Cut off one head, and two more shall take its place."_

"Not this time," Sadie said, before tugging the scissors out of Vermis's neck in a spurt of red blood, and he dropped to the ground, lifeless.

When she looked up, Steve was just arriving, eyes worried and shield ready, but the threat was gone. Otto Vermis had made his last play.

~

_Cut off one head and two more shall take its place._

That's what they said, every one of them, whenever they got the chance. HYDRA mocked Steve every time he'd won, or at least thought he had. He used to dismiss it as an empty threat, a taunt designed to unnerve their enemies, maybe one that would become a self fulfilling prophecy if you believed it.

Now, he wondered if there was some truth in those taunts. He wondered why he bothered.

Steve thought back to the books he'd read, the ones about practising mindfulness that Wanda always left lying around. It was all sound advice. So he focused on the feeling of the couch beneath him, the textured fabric on the cushions, the smell of the piping coffee he'd brewed for himself, felt the air as it filled his lungs.

Maybe it was his focus, or maybe it was something different, but Steve knew it was Sadie entering the room without looking to the door behind him. He knew her by her footsteps, by her perfume, by the undeniable tug in his heart. She trodded over gently, dragging her feet which sported bunny slippers that looked incredibly comfortable. That, and the fact that she'd switched into loungewear told him she'd be staying over in the guest room again. Not that he minded.

"Uh oh," Sadie said, sitting beside him. She looked defeated, despite her optimistic tone. "Someone's looking a little too pensive for my liking."

"I'm meditating," Steve said, distinctly aware of how he'd unconsciously leaned into her, but he wasn't about to pull back. "I do that now."

"My apologies," she replied, distorting her voice into a posh accent. It would have made him smile if her demeanour wasn't so... off. Like despite her jokes, she was unsettled. Sadie leaned forward, picking up his mug of coffee from the table. "For me? Thank you."

"No, for me," he said, moving to take it back, but she was already taking a sip. "You know, I'd already drank some of that. I was waiting for it to cool."

Sadie only shrugged. She left a lipstick stain on the grey ceramic. "I don't mind sharing if you don't. And I don't mind my coffee hot either."

 _"My_ coffee," he corrected, and she smiled, handing the mug back to him. She didn't look like she was joking about sharing, and Steve didn't know if he could stand getting up and making another, so he drank, and gave it back to her, and she drank again. "This is actually disgusting. This is how people get diseases."

"Hmmm, super-soldier immune system, extremely healthy and undiseased doctor," Sadie joked. "I think we're fine. Besides, we could have both died today so I'm feeling particularly reckless."

Even as she laughed, there was something about the usually bright sound that seemed empty. Steve tried scanning her face for answers, but she looked more interested in watching the steam rising from the mug in her hands.

"Hey, mission accomplished though," Steve tried, nudging her slightly. "We did okay. Got those kids to safety, and-"

"And I killed Otto Vermis," Sadie said, her eyes desperate as she looked into his. "I killed him. You were there, you saw me, I _killed_ him, and I'm getting away with it."

There it was. What was troubling her, right in front of him for hours now and he hadn't realised. He hadn't realised that this was her first kill, hadn't thought anything of it as she stood over Vermis's body, those bloodied scissors in her hands. Steve hadn't thought anything of it, because he was too distracted by the hate he felt for HYDRA.

The truth was, he'd been so afraid that when they handed Vermis over to Italy, the tyrant would find a way to manipulate his situation, as HYDRA had done time and time again. So when Vermis lay there dead, Steve had been too caught up in the relief he felt to know that he would never hurt another soul again. Too relieved to remember that Sadie Moore wasn't a killer like the rest of them. He hadn't even realised.

What kind of man did that make him?

"I should have left it in," Sadie said, shaking her head. "It's the one rule with a stab wound- you don't remove the weapon. But I took it out, I stopped the tamponade, and I didn't heal him. I could have healed him."

"He was going to kill you," Steve reminded her, and he could hear how desperate he sounded. Perhaps because he was. Just the thought that Sadie could have died today, it did unspeakable things to him.

"I know," she said, but she still looked torn. "I know he was a bad guy. I know he murdered hundreds, and he would have done the same to me too, if I hadn't got him first but..."

He knew. He knew how she felt, how he had felt when he'd first killed a man. Despite the reasoning, despite the reminders that it was war, Steve still remembered the first man he killed.

"I swore to do no harm," Sadie said, with a bitter laugh. She out her head in her hands. "But now I just killed a man."

"To save people," Steve said, even though it felt redundant. "To save yourself. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be safe."

Sadie sat up again, stared right at him, unwavering. "I am _never_ doing that again. Okay? Never let me do that again, I'm never doing that again."

"Okay," Steve said, rubbing circles on her back. "I won't let it happen."

"I would rather _die_ than do that again," she said, and he knew she wasn't lying. It terrified him.

"I won't let that happen either," he vowed, and he meant it. If she wouldn't fight for her own life, he would. "I've got your back."

"And I got yours," she said, her voice in that tender tone that made his heart skip a beat. "You're impossibly kind to me, you know that?"

"Not impossibly," he answered, truthfully. It wasn't impossible to be kind to her at all- it was the only thing that felt natural. He could never be unkind, couldn't even bring himself to be indifferent. Being kind to Isadora Moore was the only thing that made sense. "It's you. You invite it- you're just good."

"You still think I'm good after today?" Sadie asked, and his heart had never felt so heavy.

"You're the greatest woman I know," he told her, truthfully.

"Don't lie," Sadie laughed. "I know a lot of kickass ladies. My mom to start. Savannah and, oh! Adrianne, of course, she's fabulous. You know Nat, and Wanda, and Cho and I even met Pepper Potts the other week! That woman is-"

"Stop it. Don't do that," Steve warned, frustrated with her attitude. "I told you, already. You're the greatest woman I know. Since when did you have trouble taking a compliment?"

It was moments like this, moments alone with her, that Steve seemed to forget all shame and inhibition. The only time he could truly speak from the heart, without thinking twice about whether it was the 'right' thing to say. So he spoke.

"Sadie, regardless of what happened today, regardless of anything you're not proud of," he started. "I admire you. Don't laugh it off, 'cause it's true. I admire your work ethic, your intelligence, the way you don't give up on anything without a fight. You're caring, and you're strong, and you really are the greatest woman I know."

Sadie only stared at him, stunned. Steve waited for her to say something, to no avail.

"Isadora-Michelle Moore, stop gaping at me like that," he laughed, but it made no difference. Still, she was silent. "You're the greatest woman I know! It's true, and I'll say it a billion times until you stop me. You're the greatest woman I know, you're the greatest woman I know, you're the greatest woman I-"

"Alright, alright, I get it," Sadie laughed, loudly, putting her hands over his mouth. "Look, I don't know if you've ever considered this," she added. "But I'm not nice as you think I am, you know. Multiple times a week, I am absolutely terrible to complete strangers, for no real reason."

Steve found that hard to believe, but he decided to play along, if only for the amusement it seemed to give her.

"What sort of crimes do you get up to then?" He asked her, when she finally let him speak. She leant forward to whisper in his ear, her dark curls brushing across his cheek as she cupped his ear, glancing around for any onlookers.

It seemed like Sadie had deemed their environment safe, because she then told him, in her best impression of a cartoon villain: _"If I tell you, you must never speak of this again."_

"You have my word," Steve responded, mirroring her dramatic tone. She pulled away slightly- but _only_ slightly. In fact, Sadie still leaned into him, her hands on his chest. He indulged a little, snaked his left arm around her waist. Enough to keep her close, not too much to make her feel trapped.

"Sometimes I don't give up my seat for old people on the subway," Sadie admitted, with a slight shrug.

"That is actually a lot more severe than what I thought you might say," Steve said. "So if there's a poor old lady, tired and aching, you won't let her sit down?"

"Of course I will! If the train is full and if I'm the nearest to her," Sadie explained. "But like, if there's a couple fellas man-spreading over _four_ seats, I expect them to move. And most times they do, if you just stand your ground."

"Makes sense," Steve concluded. He knew he was smiling stupidly, could even feel an ache beginning to take hold of his cheeks, but he couldn't help himself. "What else?"

"I jaywalk, _a lot._ Especially if I'm in a rush," Sadie said. "Although I suppose that's not illegal anymore, right?"

"It's dangerous is what it is," he reminded her, and she scoffed. "In New York City?"

"Let those cars even _try_ to hit me," Sadie challenged.

"And if they do, let's hope they have insurance," Steve chuckled. "So, is that all?"

Sadie was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she stared off at the wall. Her eyelashes rested just beneath her brow. Then she sighed, slightly frustrated.

"Well, when you're interrogating me like this," she argued, pushing off from how she was leaning into him. "I obviously can't think of anything else!"

"It's settled then," Steve shrugged casually, but he already wanted to pull her close again. "You're exactly as nice as I think you are. I still think you're good- even if you are mean to old ladies and inconvenience traffic."

"I can't stand for this, it's against my morals and the laws of nature," the voice was that of Tony Stark, waltzing in and destroying their peace, a tired looking Natasha Romanoff in tow. Tony slid over the back of the couch, and placed himself conveniently between Steve and Sadie. "Sorry, Intern, but we gotta establish a minimum of half a meter space between the two of you at all times. At least until you're married. Cap's traditional that way."

"Very funny, Tony," Steve said, not even attempting to hide his annoyance, but his friend only grinned, and wiggled his eyebrows in a way that made Steve want to scream. The man knew precisely what he was doing.

"We're talking about how evil I am," Sadie said, ignoring the rest of Tony's speech, to Steve's relief. He watched as she snatched a slice of toast from the plate Natasha walked by with. Steve hadn't realised she was such a thief.

"That's hard to believe," Nat answered, seating herself in a separate chair like any sane person would.

No matter how long Steve glared at him, Tony didn't seem very interested in moving. But the couch was designed for two, and now Steve was squashed against the arm, Tony's elbow digging into his ribs, hard. Regardless of the discomfort, he obviously wasn't about to give in and move, not when he'd been there first. In the end, Sadie moved, and seated herself beside Natasha. Too far away.

"I've seen plenty evil, and it doesn't wear bunny slippers," Tony said, simply, and Steve would have agreed if he wasn't still so annoyed. Now that there was the space for it, he shoved the billionaire harshly away from him.

"Would you lay off the damn slippers?" Sadie laughed. "I could wear slippers, and be a bad guy if I wanted to."

"No, you are literally stood in the middle of missions, while the whole team is getting their asses beat-" Natasha pressed her hand to her ear as if speaking into a communicator and did an awfully inaccurate impression. _"Is everyone hydrated, is everyone hydrated? Drink water, guys! Stay hydrated!"_

 _"It's cold everyone, I hope you're wrapped up tight! If anyone needs 'em I brought blankets on the Quinjet!"_ Tony added, in a similar, but equally as bad attempt at Sadie's voice. _"Especially you, Iron Man- you're at a high altitude, maybe you can fit it in your suit!"_

 _"Hey, team, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, come get some-"_ Natasha let out a mock-excited gasp, before adding in a sing-song voice: _"Granola bars!"_

"Hey," Sadie said, sternly. "My Caribbean ass does _not_ eat granola bars for breakfast. The rest of it is true. But, I'm just trying to look after you guys! Steve, back me up."

As amusing as this all was, Steve wasn't sure that placing a stake in this debate was the smartest move. So he took a sip of his coffee- _their_ coffee, now- as Sadie stared at him, eyebrows raised and waiting for a response. He savoured it, before setting down his mug and shrugging slightly.

Steve had never seen her look so betrayed and insulted as she gasped, furrowing her brow. "C'mon, back me up!"

"I don't know, Sadie," Steve said, cautiously. "You once threw a water bottle out the jet after me and told me to catch it."

"I bet it came in handy, though!"

"It only hit me on the head and messed up my landing," he laughed. "I'm pretty sure I got a concussion. And it spilt all over the floor before I could pick it up. That's generally what happens when you throw a plastic bottle out of a plane."

"That's why I told you to catch it. And what you get for not having a drink when I told you to," Sadie said, rolling her eyes. Natasha and Tony were still laughing hysterically. "I need new friends, none of you appreciate me."

"I'm sorry," Steve said, already feeling a little guilty. "I never said it was a bad thing."

"Oh, I forgot interns need positive feedback," Tony said, before clearing his throat and speaking very carefully. "I thought it was very kind that you brought me a blanket for my suit that one time. But it ruins the look."

"It wouldn't if you wore it on the inside," Sadie argued. The worst thing about it was that she seemed to be deadly serious. Steve held back his laughter.

"You realise I have heating in there, right?" Tony said. "It is a vehicle."

"Tell me again when you have pneumonia, Stark," she shrugged, still standing her ground. Inevitably, her steady resolve made his heart swell.

"You're a complete weirdo," Natasha said to Sadie, blowing a bubble with her gum.

"But you love me for it."

"Sure," Natasha shrugged. That made Sadie smile her beautiful smile that Steve couldn't take his eyes off. It made Tony audibly cringe beside him.

"Gross. I just got here and now I'm gonna puke," the billionaire said, beginning to waltz out of the room. "But I'll try and fit the blanket in my next design! Maybe you could bring me a sick bowl while you're at it too, Doc!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew a lot from the comics in this one, and as much as I love writing the comic characters- particularly Jessica Drew- those are going to have to be one off appearances, unfortunately! This chapter was really fun to write though, since this entire mission and its aims were so open for me, and I missed writing a bit of action, although, of course, I had to put Sadie through it again ahahahaha
> 
> Also I'm completely aware of the like, 50 million tone changes in this one chapter, hopefully it's not too jarring. Tell me what you thought!  
> -Amber.


	25. G.E.M.I.N.I

_A 'stab' is a puncture wound, one that if executed with the right timing, force and velocity, can cause immediate hemorrhage in the human body..._

_The wound of a double edged blade- one inflicted with a weapon such as household scissors for example- tapers at the end, and can cause many more complications (see Figure D). If this is the case, the foreign object should be removed under no circumstances, until after scans had been taken and a surgeon has presented their plan of removal._

"Why are you torturing yourself?" the voice behind Sadie caused her to jump in her seat- it was Jamie Valentina, watching disapprovingly from where he stood in the doorway, holding a platter of chocolate truffles.

"I'm catching up on the recent literature," Sadie said, slamming the book shut. It was a hefty volume: _Trials of Surgical Procedures for Trauma by Dr A Valentina._

Jamie sighed, putting down the platter- Sadie wolfed down four truffles in the time he took to sit beside her. As the door slowly shut, away faded the sound of children laughing, of music and magicians and barbeques sizzling. It was Sophia Valentina's ninth birthday party, and Sadie was hidden away reading textbooks. She felt like the worst godmother in the world- it was Sophia's ninth birthday and she was hidden away.

The look on Jamie's face was infuriatingly sympathetic, and in that moment, Sadie regretted ever telling him, or Adrianne, a single thing- it was probably her who'd sent the veterinarian in to speak with Sadie after all.

But she'd had to tell someone, anyone who wouldn't make excuses for her, or forgive her straight away, like Steve had. She understood, she supposed, that he was only saying what he thought she wanted to hear. But Steve Rogers was a soldier, and despite his caring heart, she knew that fighting- and sometimes killing- was part of his job description. But it wasn't part of hers.

So the Valentinas didn't make excuses, and they didn't forgive her when she didn't need it, instead only reminding her that she needed to forgive herself. Whatever that meant.

"The recent literature," Jamie repeated, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't realise you wanted to change your specialism from diagnostics to... 'surgery for traumas of the cervical spine'."

"Well, I haven't been a diagnostician in years," Sadie shrugged, helping herself to more of the truffles.

"Maybe it's for good reason, but I don't treat real patients anymore- real people."

"Don't you undermine your work that way," Jamie told her. "Your patients are real."

"My patients at Stark aren't sick. They're volunteers," she sighed. "And my patients on the field are victims. And most of the time its our fault they're hurt."

Jamie didn't say a word then, no doubt he was fully aware of the debates that had started ever since Sokovia. She wondered what his opinion on it all was, what Adrianne thought to. She couldn't bring herself to ask. The Valentinas and their children grounded her when she needed a new perspective on most things, but she didn't want a new perspective on that. Didn't know if she could bear it.

"You know little Gracie's grandad?" Sadie asked, suddenly, still wanting him to understand.

"Gracie, Sophia's best friend?"

"Yes," she nodded. "He's wearing Vermis' jacket. The exact same one- Burberry or Armani or whatever the fuck. It's maroon."

"That doesn't mean anything," Jamie said, gently.

"No, it does," Sadie said. "It means no matter his life choices, that man was a human being. Maybe he had children, maybe he had grandchildren, people in his life who are mourning. He should have stood for trial. I shouldn't have been the one to decide if he should die."

"Aunt Sadie, Daddy, what are you doing in here?" Sophia Valentina stood at the door, hands on her hips, moments after bursting into the room. "We're about to start with the piñata!"

Jamie stood, holding out his hand to help Sadie stand, because he'd been raised a gentleman, it seemed. He smiled at her, squeezed her shoulder lovingly and she leaned into him.

"C'mon, Sadie," he said, gently. "Duty calls."

The day was a beautiful one in spring, the sort where Sadie's eyes needed to readjust after only fifteen minutes indoors. When they did, candy and confetti spun in the air instead of blossom, and there was a chorus of children's laughter instead of wind. Sophia pirouetted around to the music, arm in arm with her younger brother and Sadie's heart could've burst with love towards her two godchildren. It took a lot for her to tear her eyes away.

But soon, her bliss was interrupted as she felt eyes on her, too many eyes. Little Gracie's grandad in Vermis's jacket. Mrs Nichols from down the street. Multiple little girls across the party. They all looked like they wanted to figure her out. She was sure they already had- they could probably see through her for what she was.

_A murde-_

"-An Avenger!" Sophia's voice rang out, and Sadie noticed that a group of small were huddled around a small toy. Sophia held it up, comparing it to Sadie, and that's when she realised it was a doll- action figure. Not of Natasha, or Wanda, or Steve, or Sam. But of her, in her Aceso uniform. "I told you all my Aunt's an Avenger. The toy's missing the hat. She usually has a hat, Aunt Sadie can we see the hat?"

"I don't... have it with me," Sadie said, her stunned expression matching those of the children before her.

"I'm sure Aunt Sadie will let you see the whole suit one day," Adrianne said, slowly maneuvering her away as the children went back to their excited chatter.

"They know me?" Sadie asked, stupidly, and Adrianne laughed.

"Of course they know you," Adrianne replied. "You're a celebrity now. You're even in the cartoon. You know, the one Jake can't keep his eyes off, where in the pilot Captain America gets kidnapped in the first two minutes and Iron Man has to hold back his emotional break down long enough to assemble the team back together?"

"You know an awful lot about that show," Sadie said, simply.

"You try raising a five and nine year old without knowing every show on children's television," her best friend responded, as they sat down in two sunchairs.

"Whatever," Sadie responded, with a shrug. "I'm no celebrity."

"People are always asking if I can set them up with you," Adrianne said, and Sadie rolled her eyes.

"You're a liar."

"I tell them all the same thing."

"And what's that?

"Aceso's going out with Captain America, sorry 'bout it," she laughed, and Sadie couldn't say she was surprised.

"Why would you say that?" Sadie sighed, despite knowing precisely why. What else was a best friend for, if not to drive her up the wall? "It's going to be a real rumour now."

"What- you're still not official?" Adrianne asked, sipping on her cocktail, her dark hair reflecting the sun. "He still hasn't made it official?"

"Wouldn't I call you if that was the case?" Sadie asked, raising an eyebrow at her friend. There was no use denying it to her anymore- Adrianne could always see right through her. "It's all business as usual."

"I worry for you, Sadie," Adrianne sighed, and Sadie sucked her teeth, turning away. "This just isn't like you. At all. You used to flirt and date and _initiate_. Now, you tiptoe. You never used to hesitate if there was a guy you liked."

"Well, Steve isn't just a guy I like," Sadie admitted, and she realised it was the first time she'd truly said it out loud. "He actually means a lot to me. So if I'm taking this anywhere then I'm going to do it right."

"Okay," Adrianne nodded. "But if I were you I would consider how long I'm willing to wait."

Sadie was glad for the silence after that, as she sunbathed beside her best friend. Regardless of how she teased, Adrianne always knew when to stop, when their best bet was for Sadie to gather her thoughts and pluck up her own courage... One day soon.

~

"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

"You said it was an emergency!"

"It is."

"You said all our work could become irrelevant," Sadie sighed, running a hand through her hair. "You said this could be the end of the project."

"Did I lie?" Tony asked, throwing his hands up as he rolled back in his chair. Sadie couldn't take her eyes off the machine in front of her. "It _is_ the end of the project because we _finished_ the project. I got F.R.I.D.A.Y to do some trials, tweaked some of the formula, and bang! Your new method for the DNA probes worked."

Sadie was stunned. The scanner was more compact than she could have imagined, no bigger than a portable printer. Lines on sleek black metal and transparent glass, both polished enough for a reflection, an indentation of a handprint, ergonomically sized to the average American.

"It... works?" Sadie said again, crouching to get a better look. She couldn't believe it. "This isn't a, um..."

"A prototype?" Tony laughed, shaking his head. The lights in the lab were too bright. "No. We did it, Moore. We're a dream team."

She still couldn't speak, only straightened again, leaning against the worksurface, taking a breath. And another. Her mind was in another place, on the other side of New York.

"Of course every team I'm on is a dream team. I wonder what the common denominator is there?" Tony continued. "C'mon, Intern. You wanna liven up?"

"Tony, I have a sick mother," Sadie said, suddenly and honestly, curling her fingers as she looked at him. She hated to complain, but it was all she could think about. "Tonight, we were celebrating- she recovered from neural surgery in record time."

"Congratulations," Tony said, a look of confusion on his face. "You heal her?"

"No. It's cancer. I heal it, it grows back. No shortcuts, she's gotta beat it," Sadie said, with a sigh. "And she's on that road. Tonight we were celebrating, but she still had no appetite. I snuck her champagne but she says it doesn't taste the same. She still has dry lips and cracked skin, and shedding hair. And she still needs company. And then you call me here, and you tell me there's an emergency-"

"Shoot me. It was supposed to be a surprise," Tony said, and she nodded. "If I knew you'd get all-"

"I understand that," Sadie said, before he could finish whatever joke would make her laugh. "But you could've told me all of this on the phone."

"What, so you could go back to exerting yourself right after? You had to see this, Moore," he said, striding over to the machine and it seemed to power up automatically, white lights lining the metal. "Put your hand in."

Sadie followed his instruction, her large hand filling the indentation. She didn't feel a thing, but she knew the nanoparticles would be working across her skin cells to produce the scan of her hand that was projected in front of them.

"Voice automated?" she asked, and Tony nodded.

"Naturally."

"Okay. Conduct biometric scan of merkel cell nuclei," Sadie ordered, and the projection zoomed further into her skin, revealing a microscopic image of her cells. "Show me the DNA strand," again, it showed an image of an alpha helix. "Alright, I wanna focus on the KITLG mutation three-oh-five?"

For the first time, the machine's response was slow. Tony stepped forward, an outraged look on his face.

"It worked on all levels earlier," he said, checking over his papers. "You sure we had the complete map of genomes?"

"I made that map myself Tony, of course I'm sure," Sadie said, patiently. "Just give it a minute."

"It's not supposed to take a minute, that's the whole point," he continued. "Maybe if Banner hadn't taken off we'd have been able to-"

 _"KITLG mutation not found,"_ the automated voice sounded, and Sadie felt a grin creep up on her face.

"Tell me why," she prompted.

 _"Patients with mutation three-oh-five are likely to present with blond, or light brown pigmentation in their hair,"_ the voice clarified. _"Patient Y does not carry any genomes for blond, or light brown hair."_

"I thought I'd test for any errors," Sadie said, as Tony pursed his lips, but he looked impressed nonetheless. "If it told me I carried that mutation, there would be a problem since it's only found in Northern Europeans. But if Patient Y was Steve then we'd expect to see it."

"He's got beautiful blond locks, I get it," Tony said, bluntly. Sadie tried not to laugh. "You do your homework and think of a name? It's gotta be on brand."

"I did, but I need a drumroll before I tell you," she replied, and so he played along, tapping his hands against the table until she spoke, announcing the name as if to a crowd. "G.E.M.I.N.I! Genomes, Exons, and Mutations In Nanotech Interfacing."

"I thought I said make it witty," he said, tapping the name into the system, as she slapped his arm.

"Better than your old thingy. What was it?" Sadie asked.

"Just A Rather Very Intelligent System," Tony said, a little too proudly. "You can't diss it, that has sentimental value for me. It'd be bullying."

"Don't dish it out if you can't take it," Sadie shrugged, before turning back to the machine. "G.E.M.I.N.I, scan for significant abnormal mutations."

Sadie was expecting to hear a negative result again, thought that was the only natural response from G.E.M.I.N.I. But instead, one of the bonds on the alpha helix was highlighted yellow, and the voice sounded:

_"Patient Y has a major mutation-"_

"Is it cancer?" Sadie blurted. Tony was abnormally silent beside her. She corrected herself. "Could the mutation lead to cancer?"

 _"Negative,"_ G.E.M.I.N.I informed her, and she could breathe again. _"It is a frameshift mutation, constantly transforming with each dividing cell."_

"Run a live image," Sadie ordered, before letting her hands glow.

Sure enough, the bond of the alpha helix shifted, rotating in a way she'd never seen before- the change was happening on a molecular level. She let her powers fade, and the shifting stopped.

"Holy crap," Tony sounded before her, as he tapped down even more notes. "This works even better than I thought!"

But Sadie couldn't take her eyes off the scan as she let her hands glow, then dim again and again, each time, the genes shifting on the image.

So it was in her genes. This power that seemed to have a mind of it's own, it was in her DNA. But she still wondered- had it been there since birth, or was the mutation developed in Afghanistan, in 2010?

Her mind was spinning. Isadora Moore may have completed one project, but her questions were far from complete.


	26. Lucky Charm

"You should never run out of ammo without realising you're about to," Sam said, after Sadie's shot at the target came up empty. "You gotta count your shots."

"I'm never going to be taking this many, though, Sam," Sadie sighed, putting the empty gun away in her utility belt and flexing her gloved hands. "I'm never going to use this gun on the field."

"As you've reminded me, fifty million times," Sam laughed. "But if you've gotta carry it, you've gotta know how to use it safely."

"No such thing," she said.

"You're right," he agreed, with a shrug. She wondered how they looked, all suited up on the grass. A casual Saturday afternoon at the Avengers Facility. "But you have to weigh it up when you're out there. Calculate. When you draw a gun, you accept responsibility for ending a life. But you have to decide whether yours, or the person you're protecting, is more important."

"That's terrible."

"It is, but it's reality. In this job, most times your opponent isn't worth the shit on your shoe," Sam said. He paused for a moment, as if thinking of what to say. She wondered if Steve had told him about her guilt the previous week, tried not to let it show on her face. Eventually, Sam spoke. "You're an Avenger. A good one. Protecting people is in your job description. You don't have to feel any type of way about it."

Their debate was interrupted by a simultaneous beep from two devices- Sadie's smart watch and Sam's... well, she could never figure out what bit of tech the soldier was using at any given time.

"Intruder on the roof," Sam clarified, as she read the alert on her screen. "We're the only ones on duty."

"You wanna give me a lift?" Sadie grinned, and Sam rolled his eyes but complied, supporting her spine and neck as he carried her for the short ride onto the roof. So short, in fact, it felt more like a large leap than a flight. As he dropped her though, Sadie made sure not to underestimate their speed and to roll on her landing- she wouldn't be any use with broken legs.

 _"What's going on down there, Sam?"_ Sadie could hear the voice through Sam's communicator, but it was a little too muffled for her to identify.

"You see anything?" Sam asked her, and she looked out in front of them, frowning at the underwhelming view.

"Just gravel and sky," Sadie shrugged. "Maybe it was a glitch."

"I had a sensor trip but I'm not seeing anything," Sam said into his communicator, which was somehow in his wrist as opposed to his ear- Sadie would have to speak to someone about the fact it seemed she had all the slowest tech. "Wait a second."

"What?" Sadie asked, as Sam scanned their surroundings.

"There's someone here," he answered, and she almost laughed.

"What are you talking-"

"I can see you," Sam said, to thin air, and thin sir suddenly turned into a man. Sadie took a step back, astounded as to where the intruder had appeared from. Had he been there the entire time, invisible?

"Hi, I'm Scott," the man said, after opening up his helmet. Sadie felt even more confused, started to wonder if this was all a prank.

"Scott who?" she questioned.

"Long- I mean Lang, Scott Lang," he answered, and she conducted a search of his name through her smart watch.

"Where did he come from?" Sadie asked, taking a defensive stance, despite the warm introduction.

"He was real small a second ago," Sam said, never taking his eyes off him. "What are you doing here?"

"First off, I'm a big fan," Scott said, simply. Sadie couldn't understand his casualness. "Of both of you- all of you, actually."

"Thanks," Sadie said, but it wouldn't be enough to let her guard down. No matter how much this man pandered to her ego. She skimmed the search results she'd come up with. "But you're a criminal, a thief."

"Not anymore," Scott said. "I mean, kinda not anymore. It was always more of a Robin Hood sorta situation anyway-"

"Who the hell are you?" Sam asked, firmly.

Scott shifted his demeanor slightly, lowered his voice, and said so seriously Sadie could have laughed, "I'm Ant-Man."

"Ant-Man?" Sam repeated, a smile on his face.

"What, you haven't heard of me?" Scott asked, shaking his head. "No, you wouldn't have heard of me."

"Look, _Ant-Man,"_ Sadie said. "You seem like an alright guy besides the convictions. But you gotta realise you're trespassing."

"So, you want to tell us what you want?" Sam asked, his voice still incredibly firm, and his stance still threatening.

"You guys have a great good-cop, bad-cop routine," Scott grinned, but his smile fell when nobody laughed. "I was hoping I could grab a piece of technology? Just for a few days, I'm gonna return it. I need it to save the world. You know how that is."

"I know exactly how that is," Sam said, with a glance at her, and they came to an unspoken agreement. They couldn't let this stranger walk away with any of their equipment. They walked forward, enough space between them to work, not enough for Scott to escape. "Located the breach. Bringing him in."

"Sorry about this," Scott shouted, as Sam moved to grab him, and in an instant he had disappeared again, and Sam was flying backwards into the field.

Sadie instantly launched into a sprint, leaping down to the ground via the emergency staircase, again landing in a roll to avoid injury.

"Breach is an adult male who has some sort of shrinking tech," Sam explained via the communicators. She scanned the grounds to find him a moment later, firing at thin air, apparently fighting blind.

She would be fighting blind too, she knew, which was why she was relieved to arrive at a point where Scott Lang was at his full size, and so she threw herself into the fight, working with Sam to knock him down but the man was too fast, even for the two of them.

Sadie let her hands glow as Sam launched the man into the air, before she aimed blasts of light at their intruder, but there was no use in even that, as Scott had shrunk and disappeared again.

"Sorry!" she heard a voice over her shoulder, but could see no one there, only for it to be followed by a force that felt like a kick to the chest, knocking her off her feet. "I don't want to hurt you, but you nearly took me out just then!"

"Thank me later," Sam exclaimed, charging forward just as Scott returned to his full size again, and tackling the man to the ground. It was only a moment though, before Scott had the upper hand, as he shrunk away yet again.

Sadie jumped to her feet, eager to help, but she was even blinder than Sam was, and her fall caused her to lose her bearings, having no clue where the 'Ant-Man' was.

"He's in that shelter," Sam said, casually lifting her again as they approached the dark storage space, the door shutting right behind them.

"We're in a really compromised position right now, Sam," Sadie said, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dark. "Perfect spot for an ambush."

"Nah, this is just one guy, I can tell. When he comes, I'll see him," Sam said, but suddenly Sadie was knocked off her feet again, feeling force that she couldn't keep track of.

"You were saying?" Sadie said, trying to get up.

"I gotta admit, my daughter loves you Doctor Moore, you're America's sweetheart right now," Scott's voice sounded, as she struggled to move. She could see no one, but felt a full man's weight on her. "But please, just stay down."

"Sam, you wanna help? He's right here," she shouted, but the weight was already gone, and Sam was crashing through the shutters, letting a flood of light in as she watched the jerky movements of his wings as he soared away, clutching at his pack.

"He's inside my pack!" Sam shouted through the comms, as Sadie rushed out after him to no avail- he was so far away now, and crashing.

She sprinted forward, knowing she couldn't reach him but she could maybe break his fall, let her hands glow ready to cast a forcefield beneath him. When he did drop, she was ready, the blue light extending across the field to catch him as she rushed over, but Sam was already back on his feet, panting heavily.

"He's scrambled my system," Sam said, removing his mask. "And he took something, I don't know what."

"We'll get the technicians to run through the inventory," Sadie said, gently. Sam didn't respond to that, raising his radio once more and speaking into it, but the words were directed at her too.

"It's really important to me that Cap never finds out about this," he said, and Sadie let out a loud laugh.

"Hey, it's between us," she agreed. "I got my ass beat too, didn't I? Let's just pray that guy's serious about saving the world."

~

There were no familiar faces apart from Tony at the EBME Paris Expo, and he didn't count since they were there together. There were people she recognised, of course, faces and names, but she couldn't slide in and mingle with the crowd like she used to be able to at these things.

Sadie never thought she'd admit this sort of thing to herself, but she was looking forward to seeing Doctor Strange, the only other New Yorker on the guest list, and someone she could hold a conversation with at the very least.

In truth, she knew the talk she and Tony were to give in thirty minutes would be the event of the night, and G.E.M.I.N.I would blow any other inventions at the Electronic Biomedical Engineering Expo out of the water. So she'd hoped Strange would be here, and she could rub it in, remind him of how much he'd underestimated her at the start of her career.

Of course, the neurosurgeon hadn't showed up.

And Sadie didn't want to stick too close to Tony either- she knew he wouldn't mind if she did, but she simply wasn't about to burden him with her own anxiety. It was always the same interactions at these things. Grey faced doctors who all insist they 'recognise' each other, but 'can't put their finger on it', as opposed to the embarrassing alternative: admitting that they all highly admire each other and know all about the other person's work, and are simply desperate to hold them as a contact.

The problem was, Sadie didn't fall so easily into that etiquette. If there was somebody whose work she admired, she couldn't keep it to herself. She'd let the whole thing spill out without her thinking, and people rarely took it for the positive intent that it was.

At least, not until they realised who _she_ was, and then if was back to that old trick- _'yes, I thought I recognised you Doctor Moore, I just couldn't put my finger on it!"_

Now, she sat at the bar, champagne in one hand, flashcards in the other, and her phone pressed to her ear. She was calling the one woman she always did in a crisis.

"You've got this," Shan said, her voice stronger than last time Sadie had heard it.

"Do I?" she laughed, staring at the notes she'd memorised.

"I saw you working so hard for most of this year. Of course you do," her mother said, firmly. "Have I gotta do the routine again?"

"No, you don't-"

"Stop lying, I know you called for the routine," Shan said. "Alright, Shelly-girl. Do you know why I gave you your name?"

"Yes," she smiled, her heart filled with warmth. Already she was much more relaxed.

"Do you _really?_ Because if you did, you wouldn't doubt yourself for one second," Shan said. "Isadora means a gift from Egyptian goddess Isis- it's a reminder, that no matter what the world tells you about who you are, or what your heritage is, that there is power in your blood. And Michelle-"

"Michelle was your sister's name," Sadie said.

"Ah, so you remember one thing at least," Shan laughed. "She was the fiercest woman I know, but I think you may be close to stealing that title. She was smart and caring and she always persevered. Does that remind you of anyone?"

Sadie stayed quiet for a moment. The truth was, it did remind her of herself, and all because of the woman her mother had raised her to be.

"It's all because of you, Mom," she said, honestly, only to hear her mother's familiar cackle down the phone. "I owe you everything."

"Oh, I know, you don't have to tell me," Shan said. "The women in our family are strong. We excel at everything we do. So are you going to get on that stage and pitch your work like nothing's ever been pitched before?"

"Yeah, Ma, yeah I am," Sadie grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow evening, I love you."

~

Sadie already knew that her mother was her lucky charm, but finishing the talk, and seeing the figures right after- investments going through the roof, calculated profits increasing and hearing Tony's congratulatory words- _"you're rich, Sadie!"_ \- all of it only consolidated that truth for her.

Shan Moore was a lucky charm.

The hard work of the year had paid off, and as summer died down, Sadie had never been more hopeful for the New Year than as she walked off that stage. Knowing that she would never have to worry about Shan's medical bills, and that once her mother had recovered, she would finally be able to buy her a home of her own. Make up for the one she'd destroyed in that fire four years ago.

If Sadie didn't love her work so much, she'd be able to take an early retirement by the time she's forty if she invested this money right- she could donate more than ever to charities, and help her old community. And she had to get the good news to Cho, indefinitely. The geneticist's cut would be more than enough to rebuild U-Gin after Ultron's ransacking of the company.

Everything was falling into place again.

Sadie was floating on air as she made her way towards the dressing rooms, hearing the loud stomp of her heels echoing through the empty corridors as she grinned widely with pride. Her phone began to ring in her pocket, and so she pulled it out, smiling even wider when she saw the name on the screen.

"Hey Steve," Sadie answered, the thrill of the talk still rushing through her.

"Hey. How'd it go?" he asked her, and she shook her head, unable to keep the smile off her face despite knowing he couldn't see it through the phone.

"Oh, God, it was _amazing._ I'll tell you all about it when I get to the States," Sadie laughed, pacing back and forth in the corridor. She could still hear the crowd in the hall, the murmurings and chatter. There was noise in the background of Steve's line too. "You in a bar or something?"

"Not exactly," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice too. "But we could always go to one if you wanted."

"Yeah, sure, if you wanna make it to Europe by the time I reach the dressing room," Sadie scoffed, and he laughed down the line.

"You were very charismatic tonight, Sadie," Steve told her, making her heart flutter. She was so used to compliments from him, it seemed, that it took a moment to realise what he'd said.

"Wait," Sadie gasped, still smiling. "You're here?"

"Damn, you caught me," he said, in mock defeat, and she was too thrilled to be embarrassed by the happy shriek she let out. "I'm in the lobby."

"You are... You're just _so-_ I'm speechless," she said, as she let herself into the dressing room, gathering her things. "I mean, I shouldn't be, 'cause you fly places all the time but, like, you came all this way, to a conference full of doctors and engineers-"

"My favourite kind of people."

 _"Right._ And you sat through a fifty minute talk, Steve-"

"It's interesting stuff!"

"Only 'cause I say so," Sadie responded. "Honestly, you came all this way for this?"

"I didn't," Steve said, as if he was admitting a flaw. "I'll be honest, these aren't my favourite kind of people. I've already had four surgeons ask if I can donate some time for exploratory surgery."

"Don't agree. They wanna dissect you," Sadie said, simply. "You're a very interesting case, Captain America."

"Yes, and you made sure I knew it the day I met you," he reminded her.

"I didn't pull any punches, huh? Medical vulture that I am," she said, although she wasn't ashamed of it.

"Right."

"You're not meant to agree!"

"Right," Steve said again, quickly. "I didn't come for the people or the talk, I came for you. So, come down to the lobby, skip the start of whatever party Tony's got planned, and get dinner with me," Sadie must have stayed silent a beat too long, because he added, hesitantly: "If you want."

"Wow, dinner in Paris, is this a date?" Sadie blurted, and she was shocked at herself. The applause earlier must have made her lose all inhibition.

"Yeah," Steve answered. She didn't think he could make her heart jump any higher, but as usual, she was wrong. "It is."

"I hope you're wearing somethin' nice," Sadie grinned, taking her bag in her hand, halting for a moment at the door. "I heard there's a couple great spots by the Seine."

"I got a place in mind." Steve's smooth voice was followed by the beep of her phone as the call ended. 

Sadie could feel a constriction in her throat as her heart welled up inside her, felt a sudden impossibility to keep still. She checked her hair (slicked back in the neatest bun) and her lipstick (a blue-toned red to make her teeth brighter) and strode out of her dressing room once she was satisfied.

Sadie paused as she closed the door. She closed her eyes, noted her shallow breathing, the involuntary tapping of her foot, and she knew where all of this overspilling energy was coming from. She hadn't had this much energy in months, it was as if there was too much for her body to contain, like the filling up of a well inside her and she had to empty some of the water before it all overflowed, and made a mess of her night.

So, Sadie turned back on her heel, re-entered the dressing room, and allowed herself a brief moment to squeal into a cushion, reapply her lipstick, and jump up and down exactly ten times. Before she could launch into a proper happy dance though, her phone buzzed in the discrete pocket of her dress.

**STEVE**   
_Still okay to come out? -s._

**SADIE**   
_YES. Just sorting out some files. Be patient ;)_

It didn't take Sadie long at all to reach the lobby, although it would have been much quicker if people wouldn't stop her every metre asking where they can purchase G.E.M.I.N.I and the other innovations, and she told them all the same thing- _'there's an online catalogue, or you can ring our distribution department at the number on your pamphlet- oh, you enjoyed the talk? Thank you!'_

It didn't take her long to find Steve in the crowd- never took her long to find him anywhere. He stood at the edge of the room, leaning against the wall in what she assumed was an attempt to be inconspicuous. The light from the crystal chandelier reflected from the glass he held in his hand, and she found herself taking in every detail of him, from the material of his navy suit, to the smooth styling of his hair- just how she liked it best.

Sadie caught his eye from across the large and crowded hall, she smiled and waved. He smiled back, of course, pushing off the wall as they walked closer to each other. In his hand, a bouquet a flowers- bright and yellow. Daffodils, always her favourite.

But in a sudden moment, the smile he shared with her fell, and he surged forward, despite still being so far away. Sadie frowned, letting out a confused laugh, but as her expression questioned his sudden panic, her body felt the answer, and her laugh stopped dead in her throat.

A waiter had brushed past, tripping into her and gripping her shoulder as if to steady himself, but Sadie knew where his free hand was, could feel a sharp punch to her abdomen. The room around her was unchanged, people still mingled casually around them. The waiter kept himself close, didn't move his fist from where he'd punched her, and they were the only two people left around.

Suddenly, Sadie couldn't breathe.

"I'm surprised. You're not as beautiful as the photoshoots," the young man said, his voice coated in an Italian accent. His hand drifted to her face, he outlined the line of her jaw, traced the gelled baby hairs she'd laid so meticulously. "You met my father a month ago. And you know, my old man had his own sayings, but I got a bit of wisdom for you, Aceso."

He leaned in close to her, and she could see Steve in the crowd, being held to the ground by four members of security, two more pointing guns at him, Tony trying to talk security down. The crowd watched on at Steve's arrest, but Sadie couldn't as much make a sound. It was like her diaphragm wasn't working.

None of this made sense- why were they stopping him? Why not help her?

"He used to say cut off one head, and two more take its place. I'm sure he said it to you before he died..." the man whispered in her ear like a lover. He twisted his fist, and she felt her stomach churn. "But I'm more a fan of the phrase _'an eye for an eye'._ And this here?" -another twist- "This feels more than holy."

Then the man was gone, and the security across the room were lowering their guns, releasing Steve from their grip as if on queue. Sadie moved her hand to her stomach, and it wasn't until she felt the hot, unmistakable liquid that she realised what had happened, and the searing pain began.

She hadn't been punched at all. She dropped to her knees, as Steve reached her, grasping her crimson hands and supporting her fall. Blood soaked into his white shirt quicker than any stain she'd ever seen as he pressed onto the source of the pain firmly, but she couldn't focus on what he was saying.

It was only a moment later, when she heard a faint voice of a woman near her that she truly understood it all.

_"Doctor Moore, you've been stabbed..."_


	27. Esperance

**S** teve had to make a quick decision. Possibly one of the hardest he'd had to make in months, and he only had seconds to do so.

He could see Hugo Vermis disappearing into the crowd- it seemed like nobody had noticed what he'd done besides Steve. At least, besides Steve and these security guards who were trained a little above their pay grade. The guards knew precisely what was happening, and they couldn't deny it since Steve was shouting it over and over until they put him in a chokehold on the ground.

But that didn't matter. What mattered was that they had finally let Steve go, and now he had to make a choice.

Option one: take off after Hugo Vermis. Catch the man, and bring about some justice. But that would also likely involve being pursued by his six goons, that still surrounded him. They'd released him as soon as Vermis was done, which told Steve that they weren't trying to stop him from reaching Sadie, but they were stopping him from reaching Vermis Junior. Protecting the villain.

It'd be a long fight if Steve went after him, and he was hardly prepared for the situation, armed only with a bouquet of daffodils he'd meant to give to Sadie. Option one also meant that he had to rely on bystanders to help her, as he'd be busy in pursuit. So that was out of the question.

Option two: get to Sadie and start putting pressure on that wound. He didn't have to think much about that one before he decided.

"Doctor Moore, you've been stabbed," the woman who'd joined him said, and Steve watched as Sadie nodded faintly. "We're putting pressure on the wound, and an ambulance is on its way."

"What can we do for her?" Steve asked, looking down at his bloodstained hands and- God, he could see her guts.

"You're doing just great as it is Captain," the doctor said, a kind woman, with a soft and reassuring voice that would've put him at ease if Sadie wasn't bleeding- _dying_ , in front of him. "I'm monitoring her."

Steve felt sick. She really would die in this place if they didn't get her help soon. She would die, and he hadn't even- no, he wouldn't let himself think it, not when she was still breathing in front of him, he could feel her shallow breaths, hear them, even if there was a liquid gurgling beneath the sound.

"Sadie, can you hear me?" he said, as gently and optimistically as he could. A small nod as her eyes met his- eyes that were afraid. A crowd had amassed now. "Sadie, can you heal yourself- can you do that for me?"

Steve watched closely as she lifted her arms, apparently with all the strength she had, and the familiar glow he knew started up in her hands. But it didn't grow bright as it usually did, instead it stayed dim, almost flickering, until it extinguished completely.

His heart caught in his throat as she let her right hand drop, lifting her left to the side of his face momentarily, until she relaxed that arm too. Good. She had to keep her strength. His eyes burned, but he wouldn't let any tears come, not yet.

Steve glanced up at the doctor who sat patiently, two fingers on Sadie's carotid, counting her breaths. He let his eyes drift to the doctor's name tag on her red dress. In the time he hadn't been looking, someone had brought a defibrillator to the woman's side, ready for use.

"Dr Palmer," he said, calmly. "How far did you say that ambulance was?"

"I didn't," the doctor replied. "But it'll be quicker than we know. You just keep that pressure."

Tony's voice shocked him out of his dismay, loud and booming to the crowd that had circled around them.

"What are you all standing around watching for?" Tony shouted, angrily. "All of you, turn around. I mean it! We're going to give my colleague some dignity here."

Steve tuned out as Tony got the crowd to turn their backs, but he understood the effect- a forcefield when Sadie couldn't cast her own- fifty backs turned and blocking the scene from view of the guests and their cameras. When Sadie spoke Steve almost cried with relief that she could.

"This is karma," Sadie said, frankly, and when she laughed there was blood on her lips. "This is what I get."

"Hey," Steve said, quickly. "Hey, you listen to me- this isn't karma, this is nothing more than some sick coward who decided it was okay to lay a hand on you like that."

Her blood stained his hands and the shirt of the new suit he'd worn for that night. Her blood even stained the daffodils he'd dropped beside them, little flecks of scarlet against yellow. But Steve still didn't want to lose them- it would mean giving up on the night, giving up on her.

It was supposed to be the greatest night.

"Why don't you talk like this more often?" she asked him, and he would have laughed if her skin wasn't becoming blanched.

"Sadie- Sadie, look, I need you to try for me," he could hear his voice shaking, and he was disgusted at himself, and the tears that burned in his eyes. He had no strength, no strength at all. "Try your powers, one more time. Please."

"I can't," she answered him, her voice weaker now.

He knew. Steve had seen her work a million times before, knew her pattern like his own methods of work. Sadie Moore was an observer, she would observe the damage, and with that powerful mind of hers, she would heal.

Now though, she was in no position to observe, and no position to heal.

"I need you to get me Adrianne," she said, and he nodded. "They won't allow it, but I don't want any surgeon except her. Someone else can start this surgery if it takes a while to get her here but, I want her here by the end of it."

"We're working on it," Steve assured her, sending Tony a look from where he watched, and the man nodded, already making calls.

"Hey, I know you," Sadie said, out of nowhere, and Steve realised she was speaking to Dr Palmer. "You're from Metro-General. Hey, Steve, she's good- she can operate if she wants."

"I'm flattered," Dr Palmer smiled, still watching Sadie's breaths. "And it's great you're so alert Dr Moore, I just need you to stay that way."

"Where the hell is Strange, I sent him a personal invite-" Sadie's word's stopped suddenly, and what sounded like a half-gasp replaced it. "Did he give the tickets to you?"

"Aren't you glad he did?" Dr Palmer laughed, and Sadie nodded in return- but the movement only displaced something in her it seemed, because suddenly she was coughing and spluttering like hell.

"Fuck, it hurts," Sadie's voice was weak as she moved to clutch her wound, but Steve didn't let her reach it, not wanting to remove pressure. Instead, he leaned forward, pressed a kiss to her forehead as she cried. "It hurts so bad, I can't stand it, Steve, I can't."

"Does anybody have any morphine?" Dr Palmer called to the rest of the room, to no avail. Steve only focused on Sadie.

"I know, doll, I know, but it won't be long now," Steve's words felt like lead in his mouth- cold and ineffective. Sadie's eyes were glued to the wound, to his pale hands covered in her blood. He leaned forward again, obstructing her view but never releasing pressure. "Don't look at that, okay? You look at me. Let me see those beautiful eyes."

He knew what he must sound like: the world's most idiotic and lovesick man- lovesick because of Sadie Moore, as he always was. Idiotic because even as he sat there, with her blood on his hands, he still couldn't pluck up the courage to say it.

And he couldn't shake the thought that this was his fault to begin with. Would HYDRA ever leave them be?

"Your flirting might just keep me alive," Sadie said, pulling him out of his thoughts and into reality. She was here. In that moment, she was here and alive, and he only prayed she stayed that way.

"That's the plan."

"Sadie, what can I do?" the voice was Tony, right beside Steve now, his voice shaking slightly.

"You're getting Adrianne?" Sadie asked, through agonised groans. Steve couldn't bear to hear it. Tony nodded. "How long will she be?"

"Three, four hours?"

"I want Dr Palmer until then," she said through gritted teeth. "If she agrees."

"I can make it happen," Tony said. "Dr Palmer?"

"Of course I agree, but are you sure Dr Moore?" Palmer asked, her brows furrowed, and Tony was gone, on the phone again in an instant.

"Have you been drinking?" Sadie asked her.

"No, but-"

"Does Stephen Strange trust you?" she asked with a cough- struggling even to speak. Steve wished she wouldn't, wished she'd rest.

"Yes, but-"

"Then so do I," Sadie said, before groaning again, louder, her hand gripping Steve's arm tight as she tilted her head towards him. "Steve, I don't think I can do this."

"Of course you can," he told her, panic rising higher in him as her eyes began to drift shut. "Of course you can, Sadie."

Her eyes were barely open now, but there was a smile on her face as Steve followed her gaze to the ground beside him.

"You brought me flowers- my favourite flowers," Sadie smiled, before her eyes closed fully. Steve's heart stopped as Palmer tapped on Sadie's collarbone, to no response. He focused on his hands again- he couldn't feel her breath.

"I brought them because I love you," Steve realised, the weight of it crushing him and a sob rose in his throat as Palmer pushed him away, urgently, preparing the defibrillator. He scrambled forward again, but there was a pair of arms around him, Tony's voice in his ear and Steve still didn't understand. "Oh God, _I love you!"_

"Alright, okay, Steve," Tony was in front of him now, hands on both his shoulders as he shook. "Buddy, listen- you have to _breathe."_

"I love her," Steve couldn't say anything else. He hadn't cried like this in years, not since he was a boy, and yet here he was, shaking with sobs and clutching onto daffodils and feeling like he was having a heart attack. "I _love_ her, Tony, I-"

"Breathe-"

_"Shocking... Clear!"_

"God, she's going to die," he continued, unconcerned with breathing at that time.

"She's not going to die, Steve, c'mon, this isn't like you!" Tony said, lying through his teeth. "This is the best place this could've happened!"

"What?"

"We're at a conference with only the world's best doctors in attendance," Tony elaborated. "You heard Sadie yourself, she trusts that lady over there-"

Steve tried to stand, but his friend pulled him down again. "I can't lose her, Tony, I can't, I love her so much-" he turned to shout to the room. "Where's the damn ambulance?"

"I know it's scary, but you have to let the doctors do their job," Tony said. "That's the best thing you can do for her right now. It's what Sadie needs right now."

The best thing he could do.

Steve gave up protesting, sat back, tried not to watch Sadie's body being shocked again, and again. The room was emptier now, people had either left the scene or still didn't dare to look after Tony's orders.

Steve looked toward the door where Hugo Vermis had escaped, noticed one of the security guards from earlier, watching from a distance, speaking into his radio. No doubt updating Vermis of the events.

And he knew, then. The best thing he could do was to let the doctors do their jobs. And for him to do his. He stood, walked away from the horrible scene, bouquet still tight in his palm, and decided.

"Where are you going?" Tony called after him. Steve turned to face him.

"This was a sting. I know it. I saw it," he said. "So, I'm finishing this."

"Steve-"

"I'm finishing it," he repeated firmly.

Tony sighed, shaking his head. "You're not equipped."

"Oh, I don't need a suit or a shield for this," Steve told him, aware of the venom lacing his words. "I don't need a team. I don't even need a weapon. But you're slowing me down. So are you coming or not?"

Tony sighed again. "Only 'cause you'll kill yourself without me."

Steve nodded, although he didn't intend for anyone to die tonight- only one man. So he moved again, Tony by his side, and beelined straight for the guard behind the bar.

And Steve vowed that, if Isadora Moore lived through this night, nobody would threaten her safety again.

~

Steve reached the hospital with more blood on him than when he'd left the conference three hours earlier. He didn't know how much of it was Sadie's, Vermis's, or his own.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, his white shirt was stained red, the navy material of his blazer torn. Steve washed the blood off his hands and off his face, and off the daffodils he'd kept safe during the fighting.

He was lucky Tony had a suit, or he wouldn't be alive at that moment, fighting recklessly as he had. But Steve didn't really care about that fact.

He cared that Vermis and his goons would never hurt anyone again. That he'd solved that problem with his own bare hands.

The waiting room was empty when he reached it. Small, with only thirty five chairs.

 _"One of those private hospitals only people like me can afford,"_ Tony had told him, as he'd stitched up Steve's wounds for him before leaving to update the others. _"She'll have everything she needs."_ And when Steve didn't answer- _"You know, when I said you should come to Paris and surprise her, I didn't expect all this."_

Steve frowned at the room as he did a double-take. Thirty seven chairs, actually, counting the one Adrianne Valentina sat in, and the one the lady next to her was in- a young woman he didn't recognise except in that she shared Sadie's nose, and skin tone, and Shan Moore's demeanour.

Adrianne looked at him with an eyebrow raised, but didn't question his appearance, as he sat on a row of seats a few metres opposite them.

"The surgery has been going for two and a half hours," Adrianne said, and Steve swallowed, taking a breath. "It shouldn't take much longer."

"Why aren't you in there?" He asked. "She asked for you."

"You can't operate on your family," Adrianne nodded to her hands in her lap. They were shaking uncontrollably. "And I couldn't if I tried. Palmer's in there instead- I brought one of my attendings to assist in my place, it's... It's the best I could do."

Steve could only nod, and the room fell silent again as he stared at the ground, the faint pop music from the radio filling the air. He noticed a crack in the tiles, the only flaw in this place. His view was obstructed by pointed shoes, and he looked up to see the lady who was sat beside Adrianne standing over him, her arms crossed.

"Where were you?" she asked him, her tone firm and accusatory, her accent coated in a British twang. "For the last two and a half hours, where were you?"

"I-"

"You say you love my sister, and then you ghost while she's in surgery," she continued, and Steve's suspicions were confirmed. It was Savannah Moore that stood before him. "You turn up, two and a half hours later, looking even rougher than you did before. So answer me this, where were you, _Captain?"_

"How do you even know all this?" Steve asked, standing up to face her.

"Somebody shared a video online," Adrianne answered. Her hands were still shaking from where she sat. Steve's stomach twisted.

"They didn't-"

"She's not in it, if that's what you're asking," Savannah said. "She's not in it or we would be suing somebody right now. The video is only you, Captain Rogers. You and Tony Stark having a consistent meltdown."

"Savannah, maybe you should lay off him a little-"

"No, Adrianne, isn't this a bit suss to you?" Savannah said, but Steve couldn't get past the millions of thoughts in his head. "Listen. I study law at one of the world's top universities. I spend my weekends and my summers working with all sorts of liars, and I learn alongside a lot more. So don't think you can lie to me, Captain."

"Steve, you don't have to answer any of this," Adrianne said. She was standing now, too. "Sav, Sadie wouldn't-"

"I don't want to lie to you," Steve said, honestly, and Savannah nodded slowly.

"Okay. So answer the question," she asked. "Where were you?"

"I went after the man who did this," Steve admitted. "I went after him, and I made sure he'll never do it again."

"Shit," Adrianne breathed, running a hand through her hair and beginning to pace. "Shit!"

"Are you happy with that confession, your Honour?" He asked, as Savannah stared at him, stunned.

"I just care about her," she said, her face softening. "It's like I just got Shell back, and, I- I'm always worried about her. I care about her."

"So do I," Steve said, and Savannah nodded.

"Shit, Steve!" Adrianne exclaimed, still pacing, and he didn't understand for a second what troubled her. "Sadie _cannot_ know about this, alright? She cannot know what you've done-"

"What did I do?"

"You killed him! Didn't you?" Adrianne asked. "You went and hunted the man down, and that was you. But Sadie would never forgive herself, I know that she wouldn't. Because that man died in her name!"

"He deserved to," Steve argued, feeling the heat rise to his face. "He's the reason we're here right now!"

"I get that. You don't think I get that? You think I wouldn't have done the same if I was faced with the bastard?" Adrianne agreed. "I wish I could thank you for it- I wish she would, but she _won't."_

"I can't lie to her," he said, his heart pulled two ways with confliction. Adrianne was right, he knew.

Killing didn't sit right with Sadie, it never had, and she'd blame herself for his actions. Why hadn't he thought it through? Why had he been so hasty?

"I'm not saying lie to her," Adrianne sighed. "Look, can't you tell her something else? You can't tell her the stuff from the video?"

The video. Steve couldn't even remember any of what he'd said.

"Let me see it," he said, and he regretted asking. Couldn't bear to look at the number at the bottom of the screen quickly ticking up. "I... I don't want her to see this."

"What?"

"When she wakes up, I don't want her seeing this," Steve said again, handing the phone back to Adrianne like a hot plate. "I want it taken down."

"If she wakes up," Savannah said, her voice melancholic. "It doesn't work that way. It's been reposted more times than we can count. There are already articles, and news stories-"

"I don't want her to hear it like that," he said, a feeling of dread rising in him for the hundredth time that night. He didn't recognise the man in the video- that man wasn't Steve.

"Then let her hear it how you want her to. From you," Adrianne said, gently. "She's been waiting."

"She has?" Adrianne nodded, with a smile. Steve took a seat, put his head in his hands as Adrianne sat beside him. "Even if I tell her, she'll see that anyway, and I can't come back from it."

"Back from what?" Savannah said. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You had a completely natural reaction."

Exactly, Steve wanted to say. A natural reaction, not a strong one. Not like she would've been- like she has been, every time he was hurt. But maybe that was because of these feelings he held for her.

Maybe she didn't feel the same, not completely as he did. She'd said yes to going out with him, but maybe that was only a bit of fun. A first date didn't mean love.

"If you really, truly don't want her to see, there's a way you can guarantee it," Adrianne said, simply. He glanced up at her. "Ask her not to look."

Steve laughed bitterly at that. He wished life were that easy.

"Adrianne's right," Savannah said. "Shell is honest. If she says she won't, she won't."

"Ask her not to look at any of it," Adrianne elaborated. "Not on social media, not on the news, or headlines."

Steve realised then, what Adrianne was proposing. Not only that he shelter her from the dreadful video of his confession, although that was an added bonus.

"And keep what I've done to Vermis a secret, while I'm at it," Steve finished. "Make sure it's never mentioned."

"You want to protect her, this is how," Adrianne said. "Don't you remember what she was like when you first met her? If she finds this out, she'll lose herself again."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," Savannah said, suddenly. "I can't be a part of this lie."

"It wouldn't be a lie," Steve said, slowly, as he thought it through. "She's still not healed from when she-" he stopped himself, unsure if Savannah knew. He vaguely remembered Sadie saying the Avengers were banned on the sisters' list of topics. He turned to Adrianne. "She's still not healed from Florence. This is... It's best for her. Or all she'll do is punish herself."

"I was supposed to leave a month ago," Savannah said, her face in a daze. "I can't watch this happening, I- I'll stay until she recovers but if this is what her life is then I can't- shit!"

Savannah removed herself to the other side of the room, as far away from them as possible. Steve couldn't blame her. That was when a nurse arrived, and Adrianne spoke to her in hushed whispers. He held his breath.

Adrianne stepped forward, glanced down at his clothes once more.

"Captain, you're all colours of the flag right now," she smiled, sadly. "Go change. The surgery was a success-" he'd never been so relieved in his life. "But the sight of blood won't be good for her shock when she wakes up. And she'll want to see you as soon as she does."

Steve only nodded, swallowing as he reached to pick up his bouquet of daffodils, all clean again, and made to leave the room.

But as he crossed Savannah's path, and noticed the young woman with her tears of relief and trauma, he paused, thinking she needed hope more than him. So Steve stepped forward, flowers still in hand.

"Here," he said, offering them to her. She took them, hesitantly. "I could've made a better first impression. Will you look after those for me?"

Savannah only looked between the bouquet, and its yellow and white petals, and him.

"Did you know they symbolise esperance?" she asked, quietly. "It's why Shell likes them so much."

"I didn't," he said, honestly. "The woman in the shop said good fortune."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I had a ball writing it!   
> So poor Steve's come to the terrible realisation he's in love (in the most cliché trope ever because that's how we roll in this book), and now the whole world knows it too, whoops! we also have a very problematic decision at the end, but they have the best intentions, it's just all a little messy at this point but hey- at least Sadie made it through!!!
> 
> We're getting soooo close to Civil War, guys you have no idea how excited I am to share all of what I have planned! But I hope y'all are enjoying what I'm doing with this year in between AoU and CW, let me know how I can improve though for sure!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Amber.


	28. Sincerity

**T** wo years previous, Sadie would have been astonished and relieved to hear her powers had left her. She'd wanted nothing more than to be normal again, thought that if she suppressed it for long enough, then she would be able to... simply forget it all.

Now, Sadie was devastated by the loss of control, couldn't believe the irony- she had to wait for her body to recover naturally before she could even attempt to accelerate healing.

She couldn't remember much, except that she was stabbed, and there was pain, and she had passed out. She would diagnose herself with post traumatic amnesia if it weren't for the few flashbacks she'd had while she was awake.

In one of them, Steve had brought her flowers. He sat nearby then, he'd changed clothes, and now he wore joggers and a t-shirt she could have sworn was Tony's.

Of course he would've changed, a whole two days had passed, and she'd only woken that morning. But she was partly hoping to see him in that navy suit again, partly hoped that he'd find a way to whisk her away to the Seine, and they could make up for lost time.

She was in a hospital gown anyway. Her dress was likely disposed as a biohazard.

"I guess our date's off," she said, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

Steve laughed, as he had the last two times she'd tried to be funny, but there was something far off in his look. They hadn't spoken very much in the past few hours. Sadie told herself it was a comfortable silence.

"We can raincheck," he said, glancing between her and the sketchbook he held in his hands. "We'll do something in New York. After you're better."

"If that's before Christmas," Sadie sighed, glancing down at her hands that wouldn't glow.

"Give it time," Steve said, gently. The room was so quiet she could only hear the shading of his pencil. "Your body's just... conserving its energy."

Sadie nodded, but she neglected to mention that she didn't really want her powers back to heal herself, as opposed to just knowing they were there. She wanted the sutures, and the scar tissue, and the bloody bandages. It was her cleansing.

She had done harm, and so harm was done to her.

The look on Steve's face motivated her to hold her tongue. He looked worried, as he had for the last few hours (which oddly felt like minutes)- and even as he sketched, the movement of his hand was so meticulous where it was usually free-flowing, the pace of his strokes slow and careful where they were usually fast and feather light.

He kept his wrist stiff. Sadie knew it was to keep his hands from shaking like they were when she'd woken up.

"Let's watch the news," she said, indulging in one of the many luxuries of this particular Parisian hospital- voice automated television.

Steve started to his feet, standing point blank in front of the screen and saying quickly "Mute!" before Sadie could protest. "Shut down," he finished, and the screen behind him faded to black. He took a seat again, closer to the bedside, and Sadie had to think through what had just happened.

"I wanted to watch that," she said, slowly, still trying to read him. It wasn't as easy as it usually was. "You know, see what's going on in the world?"

"Some of it will be about last night," he said, simply, beginning to sketch again. "I don't think you want to hear it."

"It won't all be about that," Sadie said with a frown. Who was he to tell her what she would and wouldn't hear? "There's a lot more important things-"

"It's the big story. They're calling it an assasination attempt," Steve said again, and something about his voice was... different. Wary.

"Assasination is a little dramatic," she frowned. "He just wanted to settle a score."

"You wouldn't want to go after him?" Steve asked, before quickly adding: "Legally. It's attempted murder."

"No, I... I think I'd rather leave it here," Sadie sighed, her head pounding at the thought of ever pursuing this. Yes, she'd leave it as it was- balanced. "Is that all you don't want me to see?" 

He set down his pencil. "You remember the nurse said you went into cardiac arrest at the scene?"

"Yes," Sadie answered, noticing how he shifted in his seat- nervous.

"Yeah, well when that happened... I sort of lost my mind." She waited for him to continue. He looked like he couldn't find his words.

"It's a traumatic experience watching anyone go through that," Sadie said. "More traumatic for friends and family than the patient. So, I don't mind if you 'lost your mind' a little. Is that what's troubling you?"

"Not just that," Steve said, with something like a sigh of relief. "There's a video circulating and- I just wanted to ask if you would consider- I would really appreciate- if you wouldn't look up the press coverage."

"What sort of video?" Sadie asked. None of this made any sense. But his face was so sincere. "The stabbing?"

Steve shifted uncomfortably at her words- nobody seemed to want to call it what it was, they all used euphemisms, like now, when he replied:

"No, not the attack."

No elaboration after that. Sadie hated this- not being able to read him- it felt like they'd rewound time to before they really knew each other, and Steve was wearing the same mask he wore with everyone else. Like he was lost to her.

"I don't understand," Sadie said, as gently and non-confrontational as she could. "I mean if it's on the news then tens of thousands of people-"

"I don't care about thousands of people," Steve said, taking her hand. "I care about you. I care about how you see me."

There. There he was. It took a moment, but she'd found him again. Sadie turned his palm over in her hand, traced along his heart line.

"You know how I see you," she said, quietly, not quite brave enough to look in his eyes, so she concerned herself with his hands instead.

"How?" he asked, and she could feel his eyes on her. She forced herself to look up.

"You're the greatest man I know," Sadie grinned cheekily as he laughed. "You're the greatest man I know, you're the greatest man I know, you're-"

"-getting a taste of my own medicine is what I am," Steve said, sitting back in his chair again. She was sad to let go of his hand, but happy to see him begin to sketch again, a little more free than before.

"You were fishing for a compliment. And a near death experience grants me warranty to be corny, you're not getting away without hearing this," Sadie said, with a laugh.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, her mind telling her to just avoid saying what she wanted to. But her joke was part true- she wouldn't let _herself_ get away without showing those she cared about that she appreciated them.

At least Steve's drawing meant he wouldn't be looking at her in his intense way that made her forget herself. No time like the present.

"You just always make me smile," Sadie admitted, the words tumbling from her mouth like an unexpected avalanche. "And I always look forward to seeing you and you're probably the only person besides my mom I could never get sick of. Yeah, that's it- 'cause you're kind," she laughed. "And you're honest. And it's what I admire the most in- um, you."

Steve didn't say anything in response to that, and Sadie thanked her lucky stars. Instead he only smiled, and told her to look up a little more for her portrait. A comfortable silence.

"I'm glad my powers aren't working," she said, quietly. "Takes away the temptation. And even if they work tomorrow, I don't think I'll heal myself."

"You won't?"

"I think I ought to know what my patients are going through," Sadie said. "Empathise. Learn to be a better one myself."

"You won't have to be a patient for long," Steve replied. "And never again after that, I promise."

Sadie knew he couldn't possibly promise such a thing. But still, she felt safe hearing it.

~

Sadie's new life after surgery included: walking small distances with crutches, eating endless soup because she couldn't fit much more in her stitched up stomach, and not working at all because she wasn't allowed back until she was cleared for practise. Which she was still mad about.

There were plenty of managerial tasks she could do from home, but when she'd told that to the board, they didn't care, and when she'd told it to Tony he'd agreed with them. Any higher than that would be Pepper Potts' territory, and Sadie figured the CEO had more pressing matters to deal with.

Even worse, when she'd brought it up with Tony it only backfired.

"I can't reverse the decision of the board. Besides, you're going part time after recovery," he'd told her, simply over the phone, and her heart had dropped.

"No, no, no. I can't afford to go part time, I-"

"You absolutely can with how G.E.M.I.N.I is doing."

"There are more ways I can't afford it than money." Sadie would have listed them all. Her sanity. Her purpose. Self-worth. She didn't.

"I'm not firing you," Tony said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "I was going to propose it at the celebration party after you and Rogers were finished. It's supposed to be a reward. You're always running on empty, it's time we change that."

"You're not even my boss, Tony!" she'd argued, her entire head about to explode.

"I literally own your job, Sadie," the nonchalant tone of his voice made her want to throw her phone at the wall she'd been staring at for a week. "So, I'm bringing down the hammer on this one. I'm trying to boost your productivity! Productive Dr Moore makes me more money," a long pause. "And you'll have more time with your mom. End call!"

Her powers had come back a week into recovery, her hands glowing brighter than ever and she'd been unable to stop them. For the first time, the warmth burned, and hard.

That was, until Steve came along, and held her hands, breathed with her and the burning ceased. His own hands were blistered badly afterwards, and she'd never felt so guilty healing anyone.

Sadie could hear him in the kitchen now, trying not to burn down her entire apartment and she was so grateful for him. With Savannah leaving soon to return for college, Adrianne working and raising two kids, and her mother also recovering post-op, Sadie had no one for part of her recovery.

And she'd lied to everyone, of course. Said she'd hired someone to help her clean and cook- otherwise Savannah and Adrianne would never have left her alone.

When she'd told Steve that though, he hadn't quite caught her in a lie- but he'd demanded she spends not a penny more, because he'd take care of her himself. And that he did. He'd even taken time off to do it.

Today was the first day she was cleared to eat solids, but she wasn't even allowed to smell the food apparently- she'd hopped into the kitchen after her phone call to ask _"what'_ _s_ _cookin' good lookin'"_ , only to be told in that firm, authoritative voice of Steve's that it was a surprise.

Not a moment after she reached her bedroom, defeated and hungry, her phone rang again, Savannah's name flashing bright on the screen. Sadie answered, resting her chin on her crutch after lowering herself onto the bed.

"How's packing?" she asked, and it sounded like her sister was in a car.

"Yeah all good, um, guess what!" Savannah said, her voice a little shaky. "Dad's come to visit! Yeah, um, he wants me to drive him over."

At first, Sadie's stomach filled with dread. Then, she frowned, laughing slightly. "Good one, you almost got me, Sav."

"I'm not kidding," she replied, and the dread was back again. "I couldn't call you earlier, he's in the store now but- I'll turn the car around if you don't want to see him. I get it if you don't, he doesn't seem like he's coming over for a chat. We're five minutes away. Stopped to get gas."

Sadie took a deep breath, or as deep as she could with her shredded diaphragm. She glanced down at her hands, made them glow, considered fixing the damage to her body there and then, so she could face whatever this was properly. But she let the light dim. This didn't have to be a confrontation.

"No, no, he can come over," Sadie said, with a tight smile. "I'll be really happy to see him."

"Alright, it's ready," Steve called from the other room, an excited tone that made her smile. Sadie made her way out again, slowly, and relying on the support of her crutch and she was unbelievably surprised by the view.

"Oh my god," she gasped, butterflies exploding in her chest. "This is beautiful!"

Steve had set the table for two, a pristine white tablecloth covering it, red roses as a centerpiece, and jazz music filtered through the air. The television played a cinematic video of a river she recognised all too well and gosh- the smile on his face. For a moment, Sadie forgot about their impending interruption.

"Not quite dinner by the Seine, but I got the recipe from the restaurant," he said. "It didn't exactly turn out perfect, but I tried to make the portions manageable. And I know you haven't eaten this sort of thing in a while so we can pace ourselves. For drinks, a still rosé since you can't have anything carbonated- oh, Sadie, have I upset you?"

She didn't realise there were tears on her face until he was wiping them away, searching her expression with a frown. She'd have to tell him that all this had to wait but she wished so badly it wasn't like that. And she hated the world for interrupting them. But she hadn't seen her father in years, and maybe...

"No, you haven't," Sadie explained. "This is all perfect, and I couldn't thank you more. But... My batshit family's coming over."

"What?" Steve laughed, but when she didn't smile in return, he stepped away from her. "What?"

"Savannah just called. My dad's in town," she sighed, and Steve shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I won't let him stay long, but- I haven't seen him in almost six years and maybe this is my chance to fix things, I don't know. I'm sorry-"

"No, don't apologise," Steve answered with a sigh. "I'll set two more places."

"Hey," Sadie said, grabbing hold of his sleeve as he turned towards the kitchen. "You don't have to stay for this. I don't know how messy it's going to get and-"

"I'll stay," he answered. "Maybe it'll all be more... polite in front of a stranger."

"You're not a stranger," Sadie frowned.

"And hey," Steve smiled, ignoring her statement. "Who doesn't want to meet their girl's dad on the first date?"

"Oh, so I'm your girl, now?" Sadie grinned, stepping into him. "You're my man?"

"Of course," he said, and she didn't miss how he bit his lip as he snaked his arms around her.

"You wanna kiss me to prove it?" she asked lowly, and she could have laughed for how hard her heart was beating.

And she knew his was too as he answered breathily, his eyes glued to her lips. "Yeah."

 _"Yeah?"_ Sadie repeated, her voice saccharine. When he leaned in, though, she lifted a finger to his lips, stepped out of his embrace. "Only on the third date, Mister. I'm not that easy."

"You're not easy at all," Steve glowered at her, but she could still see a smile peeking through. "I wish you weren't such a flirt."

"No, you don't," she answered, taking in his expression.

She loved this. Keeping him on his toes, even though she was even more desperate than he was. But her mother taught her standards, and experience had taught her guidelines. She wouldn't go all in too fast, even though Sadie thought that it might be the last time she'd ever have to.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

**SAV**   
_We're here._   
_He's mad._

Sadie's patience was already wearing thin. 

**SHELL**   
_What the hell does he have to be mad about already?_

**SAV**   
_He says you're nonchalant._   
_You sure you want to let him up?_

**SHELL**   
_Yes, but tell him I have a guest so he doesn't embarrass himself._

"I don't think this is going to go well," Sadie said to Steve, as there was a knock on the door, followed by the clicking of Savannah's keys in the lock. "Last chance to back out."

"Doesn't matter," Steve replied, as the door opened, and her relatives entered. 

Savannah looked the same as always, if not a little nervous and on edge. Sadie couldn't blame her, she was probably a direct reflection of her sister in that moment, as she stepped forward.

Their father was at Savannah's side, and Sadie's instinct was to smile- even if she didn't mean it. She was shocked to see how Carl Moore had hardly aged in only five years. He still stood tall and strong as ever, not a single silver hair on his head- while her mother was in hospital withering away. Sadie tried not to be angry about it.

She could feel Steve's presence behind her, and her instinct was to hide all of this from him. But when she looked at him, his expression told her he wouldn't leave her to deal with whatever this would turn into on her own. She was selfishly reassured.

"Well, it's as if I was never here," Carl said pointedly, and Sadie turned back to face him.

"Sorry, Dad, it's good to see you," she said calmly despite the hammering of her heart in her chest, the twisting of her stomach. "Would you like a drink?"

"I would like you to leave my daughter alone," Carl said, and there it was.

It hurt to hear it, the same words he'd said so many years ago. _My daughter._ As if Sadie wasn't his daughter, too. She supposed she wasn't anymore.

"Dad, I thought we were going to be civil," Savannah said, quietly, and her face was blanched.

Sadie gave her a look, trying to let her know that she could walk away from this- she could imagine it, the trauma that this scenario uncovered for the girl. The rows, the fighting, all while her sister was hospitalised with burns all over her body.

"Savannah is a grown woman now," Sadie said, carefully. "She can decide if she wants to stay in touch with me."

"Then why are you speaking for her? You think because she's passed eighteen she is suddenly capable of withstanding your manipulation?" Carl asked, and Sadie tried not to let it anger her. She curled her fingers into a fist. "You haven't changed the slightest bit. You're still using that curse of yours as if it's a blessing."

Her curse. Sadie glanced down at her hands, remembered how she'd believed that for so many years.

"Sadie isn't cursed," Steve said, and Sadie took his hand as a signal for him to stop.

"Don't try me, boy. This doesn't concern you," Carl said. "Isadora, you think we haven't seen? You are standing with so called heroes, fighting their battles-"

"You mean Sokovia?" Sadie asked, shaking her head. _"Sokovia_ is your issue?"

"You killed people," Carl said, bluntly. "God knows what else you've done since then."

"She _saved_ people," It was Steve again, striding forward. Sadie let her hands glow and put a barrier between the two of them, but it wasn't Carl she was protecting. "If it weren't for her, then that death count would have been a hell of a lot higher."

Carl cocked his head to the side, as if he had just realised who it was that stood before him. His eyes landed on the table set to their right. Then Sadie's father dropped into a low and graceful bow, but his voice was soaked in hostility as he spoke.

"Captain America," he said, sarcastically, as he straightened his back. "Our 'lovesick soldier.' I understand the tabloids now."

"Dad, that's a low blow," Savannah said, quietly, from the back of the room. Her hands were shaking.

Sadie couldn't help but feel confused. The tabloids? She'd stuck to her promise and not looked up any of the news surrounding her, or the other Avengers, but now she wished she had.

"It's true," Carl continued. "Savannah, your sister is living a lifestyle that leads to attempts on her life. And as a result, _he_ goes on slaughter sprees that she condones, and he gets away with!"

"Slaughter sprees?" Sadie repeated, turning to face Steve, now. She hoped to God he'd tell her it was a lie. "Is it true? Is Hugo Vermis dead?"

His silence hung heavy in the air, and she knew the answer. "I was going to tell you tonight."

"Is that what was in those videos?" She asked, her heart breaking. "That's what you didn't want me to see?"

"No, that's not-" Steve stopped, taking a breath. "That isn't what was in the video."

"Well, what was?" Sadie pressed, and his expression was conflicted.

"I was going to tell you that tonight too," he said quietly, and he looked almost as heartbroken as she felt. He'd lied to her.

"You don't know?" Carl asked, and his voice was gentler now. He sounded like her father again. "Isadora, can't you see? Nothing good comes from any of this. It's a curse and it's led you to this. People so embarrassed of human emotion that it leads to death and injury."

Sadie didn't know what to say. She was frozen, energy suddenly drained. She let the light from her hands dim, let the barrier between them all come down.

"These powers, they have a life of their own, a _mind_ of their own," Carl said. "You will never have full control, until you stop."

A mind of their own. That was true. Sadie knew it was true because she'd come to realise it, come to love it. But her father's words, they didn't sound so detached as she was used to.

"How would you know?" Sadie asked, although she already knew the answer, could sense it coming.

She thought back to the results she'd seen from G.E.M.I.N.I. This was in her genes. Hereditary. Carl never dropped her gaze as he held out his aged hands, and they glowed, an identical blue to her own. Her heart stopped straight in her chest. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

That was, until Steve was in front of her again, replacing the barrier she'd dropped.

"I'm not going to use them," Carl said, amusedly. "You can take my word for it, Captain."

"I don't know you," Steve responded, sharply. "So, I can't."

"Our girl can hold her own, as she's proved time again," her father said, and there was something in his voice. Pride? No. Jealousy.

Sadie glanced across the room at Savannah. Her sister was shaking even harder now, her jaw clenched as she watched with wide eyes. She knew what it was just by looking at her. Trauma induced panic attack.

"Steve," Sadie said, stepping between him and Carl. Steve's face was hard, his jaw clenched, and he never took his eyes off the man behind her. She spoke loud enough for only him to hear. "I see what you're trying to do and I appreciate it. I really do. But I think Savannah's about to have a break down and I'd appreciate it more if you could get her out of here for a while. I can handle this."

~

"So what did you used to do with it?" Sadie asked. It was just her and her father now, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.

"I built things," Carl answered. It made sense. He was a construction worker before he left the US, it made sense that building was what he knew. "But everything I built was cursed. It never lasted."

"Like what?"

"Like our home," her father said, and she remembered the image of the house in flames. The smell of the burning. Knowing everything they had was gone.

"We were assigned our old house," Sadie reminded him, with a bitter laugh. "It was part of the projects."

"Our application was rejected," Carl explained. "We couldn't pay rent on the apartment and we were going to be evicted. So I built us a house, and told you all we were gifted it. It wasn't perfect, of course it wasn't, I hadn't used the powers in years. But it was shelter, so it would do."

"Does Mom know?" she asked- the one question on her mind. She prayed the answer wasn't what she dreaded.

"She didn't know I built it," he said. Sadie couldn't say anything. "But, yes. It's why we divorced when the fire happened. She called me a hypocrite."

Sadie's mind was pulled two ways with confusion.

Her mother knew, the whole time? All the time that Sadie had struggled, even before Shan's dementia set in, and her mother had kept it all from her. Oh God, the peace it would have given her to know these powers weren't her fault, weren't _her_ curse-

She could have embraced them so much sooner. Embraced herself so much sooner.

"She called you a hypocrite because you are one," Sadie said, her blood boiling. "Don't you get it? You used the mimicry to create a lie that you told for twenty years in that house. And all the while you shunned it, called it a curse while you reaped from its benefits."

"There were no benefits-"

 _"There were benefits!"_ Sadie was shouting now, and it hurt her stomach to do so. _"We_ were the benefits! Our family! And you threw it away. You split us apart. And we will all _never_ forgive you for that."

She felt like her sutures would pop as she roared at him and she thanked God that Steve wasn't there to see her so-

Steve. He had lied, too. Killed people for her, and kept it a secret. Her heart ached.

"Shell," Carl said, after a moment's silence. She turned away at the sound of her name, poison in his voice. "I don't blame you for that night. I don't blame you for the fire- not anymore. I see now that you had no control. And when I heard you'd made the right decision, I wanted to reach out but Savannah was still so wounded-"

"Don't put this on her," Sadie said. "I never made the right decision. I couldn't live with myself so I suppressed myself."

"You did make the right decision," her father insisted. "It's now that you're going astray. You need to stop. It's an addiction."

"It's mimicry," she said, with a sigh. "You see it as a curse so that's what it becomes. But I learned to see it as a gift. I see it as power and strength. So that's what it becomes."

Sadie closed her eyes, remembered how free she'd felt those years ago, healing Steve, healing the people on the highway, healing herself for the first time in years. When she opened her eyes, her hands were glowing in response, a signal that her words were true.

Yes, the mimicry had a mind of its own, a soul of its own. But she wasn't afraid of it. Sadie would continue to nurture it, and have faith it would nurture her in return.

"What are you going to do with those?" Carl said at last, with a nod towards her luminescent hands. Sadie smiled. 

"I'm going to wave you goodbye, Dad," she said. "I'm going to close the door behind you, and then I'm going to put my palms towards the sky and pray for you. That's what I'm going to do with these."

~

Isadora Moore was a woman of many names. Steve knew them all. Isadora-Michelle. Doctor Moore. Aceso. Shell to her family. Chief to her employees.

Sadie to him.

Steve had called her almost all of them at various points when he knew her. Now, he wondered if she'd ever let him call her anything at all.

Savannah's rental car was freezing. Steve had tried to turn the heating on, but she'd grabbed his hand and asked him not to, shiny tears across her cheeks.

She said she couldn't stand the heat, said it was like burning. He knew it was her choice, but he couldn't watch the girl shiver, so he'd give up his hoodie, even if it meant he'd have to hold back a shiver instead.

Savannah was rubbing as the skin on her forearms, the left side of her face- fastidiously, as if reassuring herself it was still there.

"There used to be burns," she said, finally, by way of explanation. "All over. Half my face was gone."

He couldn't think of anything to say to that, so he didn't say anything at all, only shifted more towards her, a cue that he was listening.

"They'd argue at my bedside, when I was in my coma," Savannah said. "They didn't know I could hear them, hear all of it. I only wanted for them to stop but I was frozen. I couldn't say a thing. I thought that tonight I could make up for it, keep the peace but- I was just frozen again, and now they're up there... tearing each other apart with words."

"Sometimes these things happen," Steve started, carefully. "We make plans for how things are going to go in our heads and it doesn't always work out, but... That doesn't mean we don't keep trying. And it doesn't mean we blame ourselves, either."

"Are you going to keep trying?" Savannah asked. "I could see what you did for her tonight. I'm sorry it was ruined."

"Dinner by the Seine," Steve said, and he couldn't keep from laughing at himself. At that naivety. "I don't think she wants me to keep trying anymore."

"You were going to tell her you love her?" Savannah's voice was sincere, and gentle.

He turned away, and he knew he looked like a child. _Embarrassed of human emotion._

No, it wasn't that. Steve wasn't embarrassed by his emotions, he was confused by them. He'd thought that part of him dead for the longest time, frozen in the ice with his innocence. Now, it was reborn, Sadie had breathed life into it, and it burned so furiously inside him that sometimes he forgot how to breathe.

"I think I need to give it time now," he said, honestly.

"Don't leave it too long," Savannah warned, and he nodded.

"I know," Steve answered, truthfully. Then a knock on his window startled him out of his thoughts and Sadie's father- Mr Moore? He didn't give a name- was standing by the car door. Steve turned to Savannah. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she said, with a smile. "We're catching the flight back on Wednesday."

Steve nodded, reading the worry in her face. "I'll look after her."

"Look after yourself too," Savannah ordered, and he wished he could promise he would. Instead, he opened the car door and strode past the man knocking harshly at it, watching as the man climbed in his place.

Sadie stood on the steps to the apartment building, leaning heavily on her crutches. Steve stepped towards her to take some of the weight but she shook her head, stared straight past him towards the car driving away.

She lifted a hand and waved goodbye, her chin up and her braids in a pile like a crown on her head. A single tear flowed down her cheek, reflecting the entire awful world around them, but she cried no more than that, only carried on waving slowly, until the car disappeared from sight.

Steve waited. He didn't say a word, he only waited, and listened to the wind. When Sadie made her way back into the apartment, he followed, still in silence. Only after the door was locked did Sadie look at him at last. He could see the hurt on her face, and he knew it wasn't only her father who put it there.

"What's in the video?" Sadie asked him, her eyes pleading, but her expression stoic. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't. "Alright. How did you kill him? Vermis?"

_I beat on him. Cracked his ribs and his skull and I strangled him. Suffocated him and watched him splutter and I felt his neck shatter under my hands and I found the knife in his pocket, the one he used on you, and it still had your blood on it. He was already dead at that point, but I used that to make sure anyway._

Steve couldn't say any of that. Not that he was ashamed of it, he wasn't ashamed of it. There was a certain brutality he'd never indulged in before, no buffer of his suit and his shield or any weapons. It had been just Steve, and his hands, and blood.

If he could go back, maybe he would've been cleaner about it, maybe kept it to a swift slice of the jugular, or a shot to the head. But he wasn't ashamed.

"Alright," Sadie said again, snapping him out of his thoughts. Her hands were glowing brighter than he'd seen since the day they burned, as she sat herself on the couch and rolled up her t-shirt, uncovering her bandages to expose the ghastly stitches beneath.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, although he knew the answer. He could see the work she did already, as the bruising disappeared.

"Fixing this," Sadie said. He stood in silence for ten minutes more, until Sadie stood with ease, without her crutches, stretched up to touch the ceiling, and down to touch her toes. Steve was so relieved to see it.

"Should we have dinner?" he tried, stupidly.

"Thank you for everything you've done," she responded. "But I think it's best you don't come over for a while."

"What?"

"I appreciate your help, but I don't need it anymore," Sadie repeated, simply, but her voice was shaky. "I'll see you at the compound."

God, he couldn't stand this. He stepped forward and she stepped away.

"Sadie, I did it because I-"

"I don't care that you killed him," she explained, closing her eyes. "I care that you kept it from me. You kept it a secret after I told you how much I value your honesty, and you said you'd never lie to me." 

"I thought that if I told you, you'd blame yourself," Steve said, quietly. He wouldn't mention Adrianne's part in it, or Savannah's awareness. If Sadie would be heartbroken tonight, let her at least have her friend and sister to confide in. "I knew it was a set-up. And if you survived then they'd keep on coming."

"I would've dealt with it," she said.

"They wanted to send a message," he explained, desperately. "And what would it look like if nothing was done? If you can stab an Avenger and get away with it?"

"Wow, Steve, I didn't realise you cared so much about what people think," she laughed, bitterly. "You don't even seem sorry-"

"I _am_ sorry."

"-And it's even worse because of how I feel about you," Sadie said the words as if it was an accident, her hands covering her mouth not a moment after as she turned away.

How she felt about him. This could have been better, this could have been so much better if he could only have said it sooner.

"Sadie," Steve started, his words like charcoal in his throat, absorbing every ounce of courage he had. He stepped forward again, placing his hands on her shoulders but she still wouldn't turn around. "Sadie, I am so-"

"I need to get my head together," she interrupted, shrugging away his touch. "Please?"

It was so frustrating that she wouldn't let him speak. But he knew why she was hiding her face, could hear the stickiness in her voice. 

"Okay," Steve nodded, defeated. "I'll see you at the compound."

So he left her alone. And as he went, all he could think was that each time it happened, falling in love was always the best and worst thing to happen in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I really enjoyed writing this- wanted to give you all a good mix of angst and fluff, keep you on your toes you know?  
> So Stadie took five steps forward and ten steps back, but that's what happens with dishonesty in relationships! The next chapter is the end of our in-between period though, and chapter 30 is the beginning of Civil War, so fingers crossed our faves can sort their crap out. Whoever said you have to be a couple for a break up scene huh?
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!
> 
> -Amber.


	29. Auld Acquantaince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I had a really cute fluffy moment in this chapter in which a Christmas Cracker is involved- I've since been told that Christmas crackers aren't a thing outside of Britain but I'm keeping it in so if you don't know what a Christmas cracker is just give it a google. This is probably the weirdest A/N I've ever written but hey ho
> 
> right, on with the story, love y'all!

**I** sadora Moore had been in love for a total of three times in her life.

The first time was at age ten, which many people would argue is no age to be in love, but Sadie could've sworn she was. The boy's name was Mike, and he was the class clown, and he never noticed her, even when she asked him to the dance. She never cared for funny guys after that, told herself at that young age that she wanted someone with _class!_

The second time Sadie loved was at seventeen, her first true love, Jamal. She fell hard and fast for him. He was a couple years older than her, leaving for Stanford at the end of the summer of the year they dated- her parents immediately approved. Jamal was all noughties charm and the only polite boy on the block, despite the front he put on for survival. He loved her well.

It was the sort of love Sadie would never forget, the sort of love she thought would last forever, until Jamal lost his grip when train hopping to his job, unable to afford his ticket. She kept his voicemail, his scared voice in a dark tunnel, as he waited for the emergency services. _"Tell my mom I love her. And Shell, remember I love you."_

The fire fighters weren't fast enough. So, Sadie made his dream her responsibility, and made Stanford her university of choice for medical school. Even thirteen years later, she was still reminded of him now and again. And at the time, she had mourned for him, became so reckless with her life that she threw herself into war once she qualified, and she swore off love for the longest time.

Until Benjamin Wyatt, the new resident fresh from Metro General. He was intelligent and romantic and even put a ring on her left finger. He helped her through a different sort of grief- losing her family to tragedy, but she never once showed him the reason why. Despite the tender love they shared, it ended in arguments and disappointment and neither of them feeling fulfilled, both of them deserving better than resentment.

Sadie thought that maybe she was getting better with Steve. That maybe she was getting there, getting to love again. Reflecting on her past experiences with love, she thought maybe it was for the best that it ended early, innocent, with only this one rift between them, before they'd laid down any broken commitments.

Even if she had seen the video Steve had tried so desperately to hide from her. Accidentally of course, she couldn't avoid it. And seeing it, hearing that _he loved her_... Sadie had cried watching it. But she didn't tell him she saw, because there must have been a reason he wanted it hidden. It could have all just been pure shock and hysterics.

At least this way, they could still have each other in their lives. Sadie could know him and not worry about losing him. It was ridiculous to base her future on Steve when they hadn't even got through a single date and God- both times were her fault. Sadie came with complications, and Steve Rogers had enough of those to deal with as it was.

She'd have to wait.

But Sadie couldn't help but think- her _age!_ It was never clearer than today, on her birthday, that she was getting older. The people she knew from school and college and residency were on their third child, or house, or marriage already.

She pushed the thoughts out of her head, and made sure to mute her Facebook.It wasn't nearly as easy pushing Steve out of her mind. Her thoughts swam to him like sharks to blood in water. Hungry, longing.

Even now, when she had to focus on hosting.

It was New Years Eve, as well as her birthday, and a lot was changing. Sadie had handed in the keys for her old apartment, a few days ago and collected the keys for her new place- a spacious and artistic space and a completely different environment.

Swapping out her place at the edge of Hell's Kitchen and making the move fully into the Upper East Side? She was beyond proud of herself. And with G.E.M.I.N.I's success- she could afford the resources and the service now, to get her mother moved in with her by February. It also meant Sadie put focus onto her newest endeavour: cancer research. She had the funding, and thanks to Tony Stark and her part time contract, she now had the time.

But all of that could wait, if only for a few hours. Because it was Sadie's birthday. She had at least seventy people to entertain, and she sure as hell was going to enjoy herself.

"Lovely space, Dr Moore," a familiar voice said as she maneuvered her way off the dance floor, the music blaring in her ears. "A multi-million dollar investment makes for a multi-million dollar profit, I suppose."

"Stephen," Sadie said, turning towards Strange as she picked up a drink from the mini-bar, handing him one too. "I'm surprised you showed up."

"I always show up for a party," Stephen replied, suave as ever. "Although I am truly disappointed. The music could be better."

"And what, have one of your surgery playlists on? Everyone's having a great time," Sadie laughed, gesturing to the dancing crowd. "Hold on... Is that Dr Palmer I see dancing with a _very_ handsome dentist over there? You better get on that, you're supposed to be her date!"

"A _dentist,"_ Stephen scoffed, but there was an undertone of protective outrage and he was already moving. Sadie didn't bother holding back her laugh as she finished her drink, ready to join Adrianne back on the dance floor.

Her smart watch vibrated on her wrist, five minutes to midnight and more guests at the door. Eager to greet them, Sadie made her way through the house, to the glass door at the entrance, and she was even more excited to see her friends through it.

"Happy birthday!" A chorus of voices- Natasha with a huge wrapped gift, Sam with a party horn and a bottle of champagne, Steve with a more humble orange present in his hands. His wasn't wrapped nearly as neatly as Natasha's, but Sadie still appreciated the thought.

"This is from all of us," Natasha said, stepping in and pushing the large parcel into Sadie's hands.

"Thank you so much," Sadie grinned, granting an air kiss to her friend's cheeks. "I was worried I wouldn't see you guys until next year! The others got here about an hour ago, you're just in time for the countdown."

"Looking great, Aceso!" Sam laughed, flicking at her obnoxious party hat as she led the three into the house. "You gonna save me a dance, right?"

"Shut up, my god kids made this for me," Sadie laughed, fixing her hat. "And of course you can have a dance. That'll be fifty dollars."

"Never took you for that sort of girl, Sadie," Natasha smirked. "I'd charge him at least a hundred."

They came to pause by the main hall. "Welcome to my humble abode."

"If this is humble, then I'm brunette," Natasha snorted, dragging Sam forward. "We're getting drinks."

Sadie cursed her mentally. There was no way Natasha hadn't noticed the tension between her and Steve in their meetings, had even asked her at one point if anything was wrong. Sadie had told her no. Now, left alone with Steve, who was looking incriminatingly good, away from the party and anyone who could rescue her, she regretted all of it.

"So, you finally got the house," Steve said, eventually and she nodded, letting out a laugh.

"Yeah," Sadie said. "I mean, I never imagined I'd be able to afford anything like this. Especially without going five winters without gas."

"You deserve this place," he said, and his blue eyes seemed to have her under arrest. "You've worked hard for it."

Sadie didn't know what to say to that, so she settled with: "Would you like a drink? Snacks?"

"I'm okay," Steve shrugged, before holding out the gift he held. "I got you something."

"You really didn't have to," she said, honestly. The two of them were barely speaking.

"No, I did," he insisted. "Consider it a housewarming if anything."

"Okay," Sadie said, taking the rectangular package. It felt solid, but she couldn't guess what it would be. "Thank you."

"Open it later," Steve said, and she nodded, setting it down separate to the other gifts. There was an uncomfortable silence until he spoke again. "Did you see my email? The holiday destinations. I hate to bring it up on your birthday, but I haven't seen you in so long."

'Holiday destinations'- the email was actually a list of locations of known HYDRA operatives and missions. The Avengers targets for the spring.

"Yeah, I saw," Sadie nodded, with a sigh. She adjusted her party hat, it suddenly felt extremely constricting. "They look lovely. Do you know if there are any hospitals nearby?"

Translation: _Will there be civilians? Do you need me in operation?_

"No, there aren't any," Steve said. Translation: _Yes. We absolutely do._ "Sorry. I know you like to see how other countries do things."

"Yeah, well, that's just how it is sometimes," Sadie shrugged.

She looked out into the dancing crowd, noticed Adrianne and Jamie slow dancing, Strange and Palmer too. A horrifying thought occurred to her: this was the last song before the countdown. She'd hoped to escape for this. The only part of the night she was dreading. Now, she was in an even worse predicament.

"I brought you something else," Steve said, his voice perking up a little as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper cylinder.

"Oh," Sadie laughed, looking down at the Christmas cracker in his hand. "How did I not see that?"

"Since I missed you at Christmas," he said, holding it out to her. Sadie took hold of the other handle, raising an eyebrow at him. "Don't worry, I'll play fair."

"'Course you will," she smirked, before tugging at the cracker, taking the good side with her and leaving Steve with an empty handle. "Doesn't mean I have to."

"I would've let you win anyway," he said, smiling as she rummaged through the cracker. "Tell me the joke."

Sadie cleared her throat, squinting at the writing on the small card. "What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?"

"What?"

"Oh God, I hate this," she cringed, but she was already laughing, and Steve was too.

"Spit it out!"

_"Tinsillitis!"_

"How fascinating Dr Moore," Steve laughed, as Sadie leaned against him, wiping a tear away carefully so as to avoid smudging her eyeliner.

"I would honestly throw away my entire MD in exchange for that one medical fact," Sadie said.

"Sure you would. Any other goodies in there?" Steve asked. She looked into the cracker again, unfolding a piece of yellow card to discover it was a paper crown.

"You can have this," Sadie said, leaning up and pacing it on the top of his head, trying not to focus too much on the softness of his hair. "Since I cheated."

Then the dreaded moment began- the crowd loud in her ears: _"Ten, nine, eight!"_

A few months ago, there wouldn't have been anything bizarre about the two of them so close. But when their laughter was through, and the countdown was looming, she realised she'd forgotten herself.

Sadie cleared her throat, straightened her spine, pushed off of him. "Great icebreaker."

_"Seven, six, five!"_

"You know, I never thought there'd be ice to break," Steve said, and she was relieved he didn't step closer again. "Sadie, just tell me what I have to do."

_"Three, two, one!"_

Cheers and applause sounded from the crowd, and Sadie willed herself not to look over there, to focus on her shoes knowing that if she saw the happy couples around them, it would make this all so much worse. She made a mental note to only invite single people to her next event, the sort of people who had started an awkward and drunken rendition of Auld Lang Syne, almost overshadowing the singer Sadie had hired to perform it.

Her heart felt heavy, a sadness, a longing, an anger that he'd had to complicate things all those months ago. When she looked up, Steve was still watching her, his expression so earnest and sorry. And she thought of the video, how he'd cried for her and made his declaration and fought for her and...

She thought of how he'd lied about it.

"Whatever you need me to," Steve continued, and she couldn't take her eyes off him if she tried. The desperation in his look. "Name it, Sadie."

He did the dreaded thing, and stepped closer taking her hand in his, and she did the inevitable thing, let the empty Christmas cracker she'd been gripping so tightly fall to the ground.

The sight of him, all sincere, all furrowed brow, paper crown balanced so precariously, lips parted and it would be so easy to just- Sadie shut her eyes, but even then there was the scent of him, musky cologne and mellow soap, the warmth of him so close...

"We can make something out of this," he said, coming even closer and her breath hitched in her throat. "If you don't feel the same, tell me and I'll go. But if you do, I'll make something, I swear. I'll never lie to you again."

She believed him. It terrified her.

Warmth washed over her like waves, and became a burning in her. Sadie's heart was pumping blood faster than ever, and she knew from how Steve held her hands that he could feel her rapid pulse.

She opened her eyes and was glad then, as the folk song faded, and the crowd continued to cheer, that they were unseen. It was embarrassing enough that he'd gotten her in this state, with nothing but his words and his presence, let alone with people to witness it.

Even worse, her hands started to glow- not it's usual bright light for healing or combat, but a gentle glow, illuminating the dim hall. Steve didn't loosen his grip.

"Tell me what you want, doll," He said, his eyes flitting back and forth from her lips.

"I can't say everything I want," Sadie's voice came out quiet, somehow. She placed her hands on his chest, still bright somehow. "But, I think you know."

Steve pulled her even closer then, his arms snaking around her waist as she cupped his face in her glowing hands, and Sadie's last sight before she closed her eyes was the shadows of his face dimly lit by her blue light and then they were kissing.

Gently, slowly, lips parted but unaggressive. The sound of the music and the party was insignificant now, drowned out by the sound of their steady breathing and their racing heartbeats. Sadie could focus on nothing but him, and the feeling of pure relief their kiss brought.

She let her arms relax, draping them over his shoulder, letting her hands find his hair, carelessly knocking the paper crown away as she ran her fingers through the softness of it. He leaned in further, held her tight as her back pressed flat against the wall, and she could feel the pressure and the weight of him against her. Her heart was bursting, the burn inside her scorching now, and she could taste mint chocolate on his lips.

Sadie had forgotten that her heart could hold so much in one moment. She'd spent the past four years of being single chasing the material. The job, the house, the milestones. Comparing herself, and punishing herself, and charting out exactly how her life should go. But she couldn't control the spanner in the works: her mom's diagnosis, the fall of SHIELD and leaving New York Pres, the Avengers...

She should have been chasing this all along. Not Steve, no. Steve Rogers hadn't been part of her five year plan in 2011. She should have been chasing whatever made her _feel_ things other than ambition, and stress, doubt and fear. Even now, she was doing it again, thinking retrospectively, not letting herself enjoy the moment.

Not like Steve, who was different it seemed, so different to her. He poured himself into her, so raw and giving and there was such soul to him. She knew he cared, and Sadie felt like she was given happiness in a bottle. Even as he pulled away, she was still floating off it. He held her up and both their skin was on fire.

"I should've done that a long time ago," Steve said, breathily.

"Where have you been getting your practise in? Sadie asked, unable to get the stupid smile off her face. Steve, it seemed, was the same.

"I haven't," he said. "You?"

"Me neither," Sadie admitted, her face heating up even more.

He looked amazing, face flushed, lips slightly swollen, his hair all messy and the subtle tint of her mauve lipstick smudged against him. She wiped it away with her thumb. She wanted to kiss him again. She stopped herself.

"We should get back to the party," Sadie said, quickly. "Adrianne is going to be so mad I disappeared- she wanted to do the birthday song before the countdown."

"Near miss then."

"Oh, absolutely," she replied. "You should go and have some fun though."

"Mhmm," Steve said, absentmindedly, but he was still just as close as earlier, still leaning into her. "Of course."

"Steve," Sadie said, firmly, but she was holding back a smile. He stepped away, and she smoothed out her burgundy dress. "Party. _Go."_

She didn't see him the rest of the night until she was seeing everybody off, and he'd given her a kiss on the cheek goodbye. That night, she didn't open many presents, they could wait until morning. Steve's though, she'd opened that. It was a portrait of herself, sketched lifelike and precise and Sadie was so touched to see it. There was a card attached.

_Dear Sadie,_

_Happy birthday. I hope you have a fantastic New Year, and I hope we can put last year's mess behind us._

_P.S: If I don't kiss you at the countdown, don't let me get away with it next time._

_-Steve._

He had kissed her, of course, Sadie couldn't forget that. But he'd been a couple minutes late for the countdown. So, she certainly couldn't let him get away with _that_ next time she saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all what the fuck. I am honestly so surprised by this chapter I mean stadie weren't supposed to get together until after Civil War but this chapter just JUMPED out I swear I couldn't control it, it's like they just insisted on snogging and I was just like hey ho
> 
> to be honest, I'm totally not sure about this first kiss, it's COMPLETELY different to the one I had written for the end of CW but this one is a lot sweeter I think, and much less rushed. I might still post that one as like an 'AU' sort of bonus when I finish the book since I already have a few bonuses planned. Also wanted to make this scene fairly long since I've been dragging you guys through this for what feels like years at this point so I hope you don't mind that not much else happened in this update!
> 
> please let me know your thoughts and feelings, and get excited for next chapter because we're going to LAGOS BABES!!!
> 
> -Amber.


	30. Lagos

**PART III: Civil War**

**S** teve hadn't answered any of the questions thrown at him after New Year's. He didn't tell Natasha what he said, he didn't tell Tony what gift he gave Sadie. He did tell Wanda that yes, he felt better now, although he wondered if the reason for her non-intrusive question was because her powers meant she didn't need to ask anything else. He trusted Wanda though, knew she'd never take it too far.

The only other question he'd answered was when Sam had asked Steve if he felt like a different man.

 _"No,"_ he'd told him, despite knowing full well that his friend was only teasing. _"I'm not a different man, and she's not a different woman."_

It really was the truth. Sadie had been insistent they take things slow, something about self-disclosure, although Steve didn't really know how much of himself there was left to disclose.

 _"The superficial stuff,"_ she'd laughed. _"Like, what's my favourite colour?"_ He hadn't known. _"Orange! Do you see what I mean now?"_

So she was right, as she almost always was. It didn't mean that it was any easier though, playful dating when all Steve wanted was to something different, something more.

But Sadie wasn't ready for that, they both weren't ready for that, and so he took her on morning walks and she took him dancing and everything was the same except for one major detail- Steve could kiss her whenever he wanted, no more holding back.

And he could call her his- his what, exactly, they hadn't clarified, but she was his and he was hers, and that was all he needed to focus on for his heart to be full.

The hardest part was work. Maintaining professional, even in meetings like this weeks, when Sadie was so intelligent, and beautiful, and suddenly so clearly... _wrong._

"I just think it's unethical," she said, to the group. "If we _know_ HYDRA are attacking a civilian area, we need to get civilians out of said area. We'd do that if we were operating on American soil, why should we let our standards drop abroad?"

"We're not letting any standards drop," Steve said. "On US soil, we'd have a lot more resources. We can't risk losing Rumlow, not after so long chasing this guy."

"People are going to get caught up in this," Sadie argued. "And it makes no sense to not-"

"This is supposed to be a covert operation," Natasha said, to Steve's relief. "If we evacuate the area, we blow our cover. Ethics or no ethics, the whole thing would be over."

"And even if we get agents in posing as locals," Sam added. "There's too much risk of a mole getting in, feeding back to HYDRA and turning the whole thing into an ambush."

"So, you're all happy waltzing into Lagos without warning anyone? Not even the police?" Sadie asked, a certain fire in her expression. "Wanda?"

"I think..." the young woman on the other side of the table hesitated. "I think changing the plan now is more risk than it's worth."

Sadie only sighed, shuffled her papers, before nodding. "Alright. No need to put it to a vote then, I think we're all on the same page."

"Okay," Steve said, carefully. "Let's risk assess..." 

The meeting continued that way for some forty minutes, until the team were finished throwing up different hazards, risks, precautions and plans for the mission in Lagos. Sadie seemed to come up with the most of them, highlighting hazards the rest of them would never have even thought of on a good day.

Only when Steve was satisfied that everyone knew the plan inside out did they finish off the meeting, and Sadie lingered behind as she always did, waiting until the others were gone before approaching him, wrapping her arms around his neck and he pulled her close by instinct, never any more comfortable than he was with her.

"Hey," she said, softly, with a mischievous smile that made his heart burst.

"Hey," he responded, stupidly, before she kissed him, and even with his eyes closed, he knew her hands were glowing from the warmth running down his spine. But of course, when she pulled away, Steve couldn't go without ruining the moment. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. It was a great suggestion."

Sadie only rolled her eyes, kissed him again quickly. "I thought we talked about this already?"

"Right," Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "No work talk when it's just the two of us."

"And when it's time to work we put our professional hats on," she grinned. "Other than that..."

"What are your plans tonight?" he asked, arms feeling empty as she stepped away, smoothing out her black scrubs.

"Why, do I have a date?" Sadie replied, cheekily, gathering her papers.

"If someone hasn't snagged you up first," Steve said, entertaining her. "I'll drop by the lab at seven."

~

"All right, what do you see?" Steve's voice crackled through Sadie's comms, as she watched the street from an alleyway opposite the outdoor café where Nat and Wanda drank.

What she wouldn't give to be out of the shade and into the sun, but her Aceso uniform would stick out like a sore thumb, even if the colours were more muted in her stealth suit.

But Sadie had to stay uniformed- they'd all agreed, even on covert operations. The red cross on her lapel and her hat had to be visible, so that anyone who is hurt can easily identify her.

She didn't like it, especially in the humidity of Lagos, but this wasn't a fashion show.

"Standard beat cops. Small station," Wanda said, her voice soft as if she commented on nothing more significant than the weather. "Quiet street. It's a good target."

"Sadie, what about your end?" Steve asked, and her eyes darted across the crowds once more for good measure.

"Yeah, it's quiet," Sadie agreed, a frown still on her face no matter how much she tried to relax her brow. "But I've counted at least two hundred civilians in the surrounding area. That's not including those inside."

"They've picked now for a reason," Natasha responded. "Could have went for a quiet Tuesday morning."

"So they wanted people around," Wanda concluded, and dread filled Sadie's stomach to think that yes, they did. HYDRA wanted specifically to make a show of their impending attack on the police.

"We have to keep this fight small, everyone," Sadie warned the team, as her eyes fell on a mother carrying her two children in wraps around her body "Too many people around."

"Agreed," Steve said, before continuing with his observations. "There's an ATM in the south corner, which means..."

"Cameras," Wanda said, quickly.

"Both cross streets are one way," Steve continued.

"So, compromised escape routes," Wanda said, and Sadie's heart was in her mouth. She couldn't keep herself from thinking about all the people around them, unsuspecting innocents, about to be caught up in combat.

"Our guy doesn't care about being seen, and he isn't afraid to make a mess on the way out," Steve said, confirming her worries.

"A mess meaning structures damaged and people hurt," Sadie said, trying not to sound bitter. "We'll have to be ready for it."

"We will be. It's what you're here for, Aceso," he replied, not unkindly, but his voice was firm. He was right. They couldn't change the plan now. They all knew her opinions. She should focus. "You see that Range Rover halfway up the block?"

"Yeah, the red one?" Wanda said, her voice perking up only just. "It's cute."

"It's also bulletproof," Natasha pointed out, and as soon as she said so, it was clear as day. Armoured. "Which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us."

"You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?" Wanda said, and Sadie almost laughed.

"And Sadie can heal a GSW, doesn't mean I'm going to let myself get shot," Natasha responded.

"Yes, but if you _did_ get shot, you'd be okay," Wanda said.

"Hey, if this whole team starts getting sloppy 'cause I'm here I might stop treating you all," Sadie said, half-jokingly. She truly hoped Wanda's attitude was only a joke.

"Wanda," Natasha said. "Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature."

"Anybody ever tell you you're a little paranoid?" Sam sounded.

"Not to my face. Why?" Natasha asked, and Sadie could see her smile from a mile away. "Did you hear something?"

"He did, and a hundred percent of it is from me," Sadie grinned, but the smile fell off her face as she observed a group of school children playing football a short distance away. This wasn't right.

"And just like that I'm cured," Nat joked. "Aceso really does work wonders, huh?"

"Eyes on target, folks," Steve reminded them. There wasn't a trace of anxiety in his voice, only an eagerness Sadie had seen time and time again. The sort that made her worry. "This is the best lead we've had on Rumlow in six months. I don't want to lose him."

"If he sees us coming that won't be a problem, he kind of hates us."

Sadie noticed the school children darted quickly to one side of the narrow road as a garbage truck drove slowly forward, knocking aside stalls, cars and even coming close to hitting pedestrians as stall owners shouted in protest, throwing items at the truck. The heavy clangs, and the shape of the wheels under pressure told her it was close to full.

"Cap, are you seeing this?" Sadie said, focusing her gaze to see the driver, and although she only caught a glimpse, it was telling. "The driver doesn't look local."

"Affirmative," he responded, and was quiet again for a moment. "Sam, see that garbage truck? Tag it."

It wasn't long before Sadie caught sight of Sam's drone as the truck turned into the side-street nearest to her, and he navigated Redwing under the moving vehicle. Sadie turned her eyes back to observing the crowds, noting who may be vulnerable. Children, elderly, pregnant...

"That truck's loaded for max weight," Sam said, gravely. "And the driver's armed."

"Shit," Sadie breathed, gauging the distance between her and the truck now, the speed it was driving, and whether or not she should risk blowing their cover to get to it.

"It's a battering ram," Natasha said, and Sadie didn't need to hear much more as she sprinted forward, Steve's voice next to sound in her ear.

"Go now," he ordered, and Sadie pushed herself faster. "He's not hitting the police."

The truck was moving slowly previously, but as soon as the driver spotted her, it began to speed up, swerving left and right and knocking down obstacles as it went. Sadie never let up speed, leaping over the crates and broken stalls, keeping half an eye to notice that bystanders were jumping out of the path to safety.

She pushed on faster, noticing a pile of crates in her way further down the road. A year ago, it would've seemed like a mountain to jump at this speed.

Now, she noticed the crates were all positioned perfectly enough to make for a step ladder. Sadie pushed all her weight off it as she sprinted, using her momentum to propel herself forward, and using her height to reach forward in the air, grasping onto the truck with ease.

"Civilian injuries?" she panted as she pulled herself up, the truck still attempting to shake her off but the size and weight of it made for a more stable base than she would've thought.

"None yet," Wanda responded, and Sadie took that as her cue to move forward, staying as flat as she could to keep balance.

Interestingly, there was no smell of garbage, so what was the truck full of? As she reached the hood of the driver's seat there were shots, and she cast a forcefield around herself, watching the bullets get lodged in.

Good. Let him run out. But instead of the shots continuing, there were no more as the truck door fell open to her right and the driver leapt out, rolling on the sand road as he went.

Horrified, she looked forward, noticed the security and bollards the unmanned truck was approaching, and she had seconds to move. She knew that building. Had been there before.

Stupidly, Sadie let down her forcefield and didn't make to get off the truck but rather, swept herself into the driver's seat as quickly as she could. But a fraction of a second after she hit the brakes, felt herself surging backward with the abruptness of slowing, the truck collided with the barriers, and she was thrown forward through the windshield with the force of it.

Sadie threw up her hands to protect her eyes from the glass, and cast another forcefield around herself, but she could already feel the whiplash kicking in, even as the dust cleared and she was protected from the rubble around her.

She pulled herself to her feet, groaning as she rolled back her shoulders, pins and needles rushing down her spine. She'd have to get it checked out.

But before she could even attempt to palpate the muscle, a yellow truck raced towards her, and she dived out of its path. The roll she landed in strained her neck even more. As she leapt to her feet, Sadie quickly rubbed her glowing hand over the back of her neck, picturing the torn muscles returning to their regular elasticity.

A moment later, she was under fire again, four gunmen poised straight at her, as she ducked behind a pile of rock. Sadie's hands reached instinctively for the gun strapped to her side. She hesitated. Could hear the shots getting closer and closer as the armed men approached.

She could shield herself with a forcefield, but that was only a short term solution. If she wanted to use her combative powers to knock them down, the forcefield would have to go anyway. And the gun...

No, Sadie wouldn't use the gun.

She fastened it back to her utility belt and stood, praying to God the bullets would only hit her shock absorbent suit and not her flesh. If Paris had taught her anything, it was that her body seemed to neglect her abilities when under extreme injury- an ironic fight or flight response

Sadie let her hands glow, made a slicing motion through the air and the men were all disarmed at once. She didn't give them time to react, instantly charging at them, never turning her back to any at a time as she landed blows, her powers sending out combative strikes in sync with the movement of her limbs. Two men down.

There was a blast of air over her head and she knew it was Sam, could see Steve in the corner of her eye taking down at least four men in seconds. She focused on her own work.

"Body armor, AR-15's," she heard him say as she dodged assaults from the two soldiers she faced. "I make seven hostiles."

The punches she landed on the remaining two with her hands harnessing her power were ever more effective, but there was suddenly an arm around her neck from behind, and her breathing was restricted. Sadie let her weight drop, breaking the mans hold and twisting his grip, throwing him forward into the second goon, and sending two bright blue strikes at them. The men around her were out cold.

"Five," Sadie corrected, catching her breath.

"I make three," Sam said, then a moment later, after the sound of more commotion from him and Wanda. "Two. Piece of cake."

She glanced around her, looking for the injured Institute security guards she'd noticed as the truck plowed in, but they were nowhere to be seen. Likely beneath the rubble. And unfortunately, a job she would have to leave for fire and rescue.

"Let's not celebrate too early," Steve said, and Sadie nodded jogging over to the courtyard where he, Sam and Wanda were.

"I agree," she said, securing her hat. "There were five more headed into the Institute."

"Rumlow's on the third floor," Sam said, navigating Redwing. "And Sadie, there's still a couple of those gas and gunshot victims holding on if we can clear a way for you to get in."

"I don't need anything cleared," Sadie said, rummaging through her utility belt and tying the fabric of a sling around her mouth before moving to enter the building. There was a hand on her arm, a strong grip she knew to be Steve's.

"That stuff could kill you," he said, firmly.

"Well, it's killing them already. Listen, I've dealt with this sort of thing before," Sadie argued, as professionally as she could. "Near Agent Orange shit in Afghanistan-"

"Doesn't matter," Steve replied, simply. "Wanda will get it out."

"Great, then I won't have to put up with it for long," she said, pulling her arm free and jogging forward in through the doors. She could hear the team behind her continuing on, hear the smashing of glass as Wanda propelled Steve into the building.

The building was dark and her eyes stung immediately from the gas in the air. Sadie didn't let herself panic, kept her breathing to short shallow breaths and held them for as long as she could as she moved.

She didn't hold back the tears caused by the gas either, let them clean her eyes before soaking into the material of her makeshift mask. Sadie blinked them away only to scan the room for a water source, following the same principles as she would smoke from a fire.

Immediately, she found a water fountain at the back of the lobby- Sadie dropped onto her stomach, started a commando crawl towards the fountain.

When she reached it, she took another short breath, the gas burning her throat before she removed her mask and doused it in the cool, uncontaminated water. It proved as a filter when she put it over her mouth, not exactly making the air clean, but breathable and-

There.

Sadie had spotted her first patient. A man taking ragged breaths, clutching the gunshot wound to his shoulder. She crawled over to him, and pressed onto his wound with some packing, quickly taking a mental estimate of his age, weight, all the things she would need to consider in her healing.

"Hello, sir?" Sadie said, as loudly as she could, tapping on the man's good collarbone. "Sir, can you hear me?"

No response. During her research, Sadie had found that there were countless dialects in Nigeria, but there were three in particular most common in Lagos. She'd learned key phrases in each one just for today, tried them all to no avail. All she heard was a wheezing, gasping for breath against the gas.

Even if she stopped the bleeding, the gas would get him first, and there was nothing she could do to prevent that. Sadie checked her watch, liquid leaking from her eyes. She'd only been in the building thirty seconds. She predicted two minutes before the gas became life threatening.

"Here," Sadie said, as she tore the soaked mask from her face, and pressed it over the man's mouth and nose. The gas hit her like a wave, restricting her throat as she gasped over her words. "Try to use this to breathe."

Then, she let her hands glow, holding her burning breath as she began to heal the bleeding before her. There was a rumbling in the distance, a pressure in the air, and Sadie glanced up down the hall, never letting her healing pause. There was light, specks of red light and green smoke headed towards her, and her heart dropped to her stomach.

She should have gotten away from the exit.

"Wanda you're bringing it straight to me!" Sadie shouted, shielding the patients face with her torso as she held her hand to her mouth and nose, her head against the ground as she screwed her eyes shut.

"I'm trying- there's a lot of it," Wanda responded down the comms, but Sadie was already surrounded by the green mist, her lungs screaming for air as she held her breath- clean air!

She knew that she could hold her breath for longer than this, she'd been doing it the whole time she was in the building. But the suddenness of the gas surrounding her meant she couldn't catch a proper breath, and the seconds it washed over her felt like minutes.

Her patient shifted beneath her, groaning loudly against her ribs- she knew she was suffocating him, but it was temporary, and better than the alternative. If they could both just hold on...

Sadie was beginning to feel dizzy.

"Clear, Isadora!" Wanda shouted and Sadie immediately threw herself back on her heels, as both her and her patient gasped for breath, taking in gulps of the impeccably pure air Wanda had filtered.

"Thank you," Sadie coughed, eyes still watering as she resumed her healing.

But the man's wound was already halfway healed, and he had finally stopped losing blood. Looking at her progress, she thought the brief spell of choking to be worth it, one hundred percent.

"Rumlow's got a biological weapon," Steve's voice announced as she worked, and Sadie's mind immediately scanned through the possibilities of what it could be.

"Do we know what it is?" she asked. "Is it airborne?"

"I couldn't tell you," he answered. "But they can't leave the city with that vial."

A chorus of agreement from everyone, except Sadie. She hesitated, glancing around her even as she finished healing the man before her. He was breathing, only unconscious. She put him into recovery position.

"I gotta check on the others in this building," she said, pulling herself to her feet.

"There aren't any others in the building," Sam said, his voice slightly melancholy. "I did a scan- he was the last one left."

Sadie glanced around her at the bodies scattered around the building as anger surged in her chest. A lot of them wore doctor's coats not dissimilar to the one she wore at Stark, or Adrianne wore at the Presbyterian. HYDRA had taken the lives of all these researchers, for what? One vial?

She sure as hell wouldn't let them take that vial home.

"Alright," Sadie said, into the comms. "On my way out. What's waiting for me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so after posting this chapter, I'm all up to date on uploading the story from my wattpad account onto here- from now on it'll be live updates every weekend (after a one week break) and it'll be uploaded on wattpad and AO3 at the same time. I hope you've all enjoyed the story so far, and I hope the layout works, this is my first time posting on this site so I'm still getting used to it. 
> 
> Let me know what you all think, and please bookmark this story if you're enjoying it so far!


	31. Diplomacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little heavy on the movie dialogue towards the end, but bear with it for plot purposes please! It's only a short one x

_ Time of death, 14:47. _

_ Time of death, 14:53. _

_ Time of death, 15:01. _

_ Time of death, 15:03. _

_ Time of death, 15:13. _

Most of the people on the south side of the office building were killed immediately in the blast. They’d all watched as it happened, Sadie on the other side of the markets with Natasha after securing the payload. She’d rushed straight over there, they all had, assisted Fire and Rescue as best as they could but it seemed to all be in vain. 

Those who weren’t killed by the blast were killed by smoke inhalation or died from their burns before Sadie could properly heal them all.

It was silence on the Quinjet apart from Sadie’s typing, as she filed her report. Usually she’d leave it until after their post operation meeting. Every mission before, they would all spend this ride napping, or eating, getting their energy back and keeping each other entertained. Now though, nobody was interested in playing cards. Sadie certainly wasn’t, she had to write her report, make sense of it all.

Adrianne had called some half an hour earlier, a worried voice and a million questions about Sadie’s health. After she was satisfied that her best friend was unharmed, Adrianne had asked her  _ “How are you guys going to solve this?” _

_ “However we have to,”  _ Sadie had said.  _ “We fucked up. We’re going to have to make up for it.” _

Reaching the Compound, there was more silence still, nobody quite knowing what to do until their meeting that evening. All Sadie knew, was that she couldn’t run off back to the city until all of this was dealt with, so she set herself up in her usual guest room, washed the soot and sand off her skin with the hottest water the shower could give her, and changed into loungewear she’d stolen from Natasha’s almost a year ago. This particular set of joggers was hers now. 

Even once Sadie was clean, she still felt there was blood on her hands. When she switched the television on, the news anchors seemed to feel the same. Sadie lay down on the bed, listened to the news as she closed her eyes. 

“And what about our nation’s healer, Aceso?” A blonde woman asked in the studio. “What was her role in all this?”

“Slim to none, Christine,” a man said in response. “At least, nothing to set her apart from the other Avengers’ passivity. Doctor Moore’s responsibility is supposed to be  _ saving  _ lives. And yet, even with her enhanced healing, she failed to do so! Which not only begs the question of whether she is suitable to be an Avenger, but also- what makes her suitable to be a doctor?” 

“How about a damn degree?” Sadie muttered, entirely aware there was nobody to hear her. 

“Isadora Moore hasn’t practised in a public hospital or clinic for two years after being fired from New York Presbyterian on grounds of professionalism,” the man continued. “All her work since then has been directly tied to Stark Industries, which is what led to events in Paris last fall. Moore is yet to make a statement on the murder without trial of Hugo Vermis, and she’s yet to speak out on the events in Lagos-“

“It’s been five fucking minutes!” Sadie found herself sitting up, and hurling the remote at the screen. She cast a forcefield around the monitor before it reached it. 

“You don’t have to listen to them,” Steve said from the doorway, and Sadie was almost embarrassed at the timing of it. Things still felt so new between them- even if it had been months since New Year’s, the two of them had been single a lot longer prior.

“If they try to re-evaluate my license, then…” Sadie trailed off as he switched off the TV, but she managed to catch a glimpse of the name of the man on the byline. Like the cherry on top, he worked at New York Pres. 

“They’re not re-evaluating anything,” Steve said, sitting beside her. “The criticisms… It’ll all pass.”

“No, I think he’s right,” Sadie sighed, leaning against his shoulder. “I think I need to say something, you know? Instead of letting the rest of you deal with the press.”

“You step into diplomacy, you can’t step out of it,” Steve warned her. 

“I know,” Sadie said. “A journalist I admire reached out about a month ago. Maybe I’ll speak to her, she seems… fair.”

“The lady from The Bulletin?” he asked, and she hummed in response. “If you’re sure.”

They both fell quiet, Sadie turning his hand over in her own, tracing the lines, when she noted a large and swollen bruise on his forearm. It was yellowing already, and she knew with his enhanced healing it would fade in an hour, but she fixed it without much hesitation.

Sadie lay down again, exhaustion weighing on her. She tapped on the space beside her, and he did the same, neither of them reaching the pillows and both facing the ceiling, but their hands were still intertwined.

“You need to tell me when you’re hurt,” she said quietly. 

“I do,” Steve answered. 

“Not just when a bone is broken, or when you’re bleeding,” Sadie continued. “I know what Rumlow said about Bucky affected you.”

He shifted to face her, his sapphire eyes troubled. “I need to find him.”

“He remembered you?” An uncertain nod. “Then you’ll find him. And if you don’t, he’ll find you.” 

Steve kissed her then, soft and gentle and familiar, but still, Sadie was left spinning. When he stopped, she wished she’d hadn’t laid down so many boundaries in the New Year. Yes, they’d been intimate, but… not as often as she would’ve liked.

“I think I’m ready to move past this phase,” she said, quietly.

“Past what?”

“You know. Just  _ seeing each other _ ,” Sadie said. “Politeness. I want us to just be able to wear our hearts on our sleeves. What d’you think?”

“I’d love that,” he said, but there was a far off look on his face.

“You look like you want to say something, but don’t want to ruin the moment,” she laughed, and he did too, except a little uncertainty lined it.

“Yeah, I wanted to give you a few minutes before I dropped this,” Steve sighed. “And, I’m not in an awful rush myself. There’s someone we have to answer to downstairs.”

“Who?”

“Vision said the Secretary of State,” he said, and Sadie sat up abruptly like a reflex reaction.

“Well, shit,” she said, the moment’s peace completely gone, and replaced with an anxious urgency in her chest. She stood, tightening her hair tie, and dragged Steve up with her. “Let’s go!”

He didn’t need telling twice, and the two of them made their way to the meeting room, Sadie practically at a run, and even more embarrassed to find they were the last two arrive.

As expected, Secretary Ross stood full on at the front of the room, a figure she recognised instantly from newsreels and television debates. Sadie took a seat, trying not to project her anxiety to the room as Steve sat beside her.

“Now that the Captain and Dr Moore have graced us with their presence,” Ross began, quipping an eyebrow in their direction. Sadie kept a poker face. “We can get started.”

The room was tenser than it had ever been when Sadie was in the presence of her friends and colleagues. Tony sat just behind her, quieter and more reserved than she’d ever seen him, and a security guard lingered just to her left. She wondered if the Secretary truly was so afraid of them.

“Five years ago, I had a heart attack, and dropped. Right in the middle of my back-swing,” Ross explained, not even having to demand the attention of the room. “Turned out it was the best round of my life, because after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass, I found something 40 years in the Army had never taught me. Perspective.”

“The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives,” Ross continued, but his words didn’t feel so genuine. “And while a great many people see you as heroes, there are some… who would prefer the word  _ vigilantes _ .”

Sadie almost lost her poker face at that- she couldn’t help but take it as a personal affront. Vigilantes, when they were saving lives and making change? She stopped herself from speaking, knowing that to snap so early wouldn’t benefit anyone. 

Natasha was much more diplomatic.

“And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?” she asked, ever cool and collected.

“How about dangerous?” Ross said, bluntly. “What would you call a group of US-based,  _ enhanced _ individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

The screen behind him activated to show a map, with yellow dots Sadie instantly recognised to be the locations of past missions. Her eyes were drawn to the marker over Paris, and she couldn’t understand why it would be pinned on this chart as if it was something they’d planned. From the look on Steve’s face, he didn’t either.

“New York,” Ross said, and the map zeroed in on their home, playing footage of the city in ruins. 

Sadie remembered it all- she had been a civilian then. She’d spent hours and hours at the hospital, pulling in all her staff to deal with the influx of patients with horrific injuries. There hadn’t been enough space in the trauma bay. Her interns were overwhelmed and her nurses made extra beds in the hallways.

That had been the only day since the fire that Sadie had used her abilities. She’d done so discreetly and in moderation, and only for pain relief. It was all she could bring herself to do without collapsing.

It had also been her hardest day as Chief of Medicine, made even harder by the fact that Adrianne was trapped downtown unable to manage her surgeons. Made harder still by the incessant worry for her mother, whose nursing home had been in one of the evacuated areas. 

“Washington DC.”

This was footage Sadie had never seen before. The Triskelion destroyed, crashing Helicarriers, fleeing citizens.

“Sokovia.”

More terrified civilians. The city rising and the damage beneath- the damage she had abandoned, prioritising the fight over the people. Buildings collapsing. 

“Lagos.”

Sadie didn’t need the images to remind herself. But it showed the chaos from such an unbiased perspective, there was no denying the fact that this was their doing. And she had been complicit. She knew the risks, and yet she’d went along anyway. She had given up fighting for it from the moment she was outvoted.

There was one image that stood out the most. A dead girl, with ash and rubble in her hair and skin. A girl Sadie had failed to heal, failed to save. 

There was no avoiding it. They all deserved consequences. But still, she was deathly afraid of what those might be.

“Okay. That's enough,” Steve said, and Secretary Ross nodded to his assistant. The images disappeared.

“For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and  _ no _ supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate,” Ross said, simply, and Sadie’s heart was in her mouth. 

“But I think we have a solution.” Ross presented a thick document directly to Wanda. Sadie waited patiently for it to reach her. “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries, it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.”

Sadie took a moment to unravel it all in her head. They’d be led by diplomats, given assignments and orders. It sounded a lot like what S.H.I.E.L.D had asked of her all those years ago, what had been exposed as so evil. And yet, Sadie thought back to the footage on the screen. Back to their meeting where her warnings had been ignored, and she wondered: would the outcome have been different, if their team had people to answer to other than themselves?

**“** The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place,” Steve said, and it wasn’t clear if it was an argument or a statement. Sadie sent him a look that he ignored. “I feel we've done that.”

“Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?” Secretary Ross asked, pointedly. “If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes, you can bet there'd be consequences.”

“Except we aren’t on the topic of nukes, Mr Secretary,” Sadie said, carefully. Sadie couldn’t hold her tongue then, her worry paramounting. Was this how they would all be seen under these Accords? “We’re on the topic of people.”

“That’s real sweet,” Ross responded, and Sadie pursed her lips at his condescension. “Compromise. Reassurance. That's how the world works. Believe me,  _ this _ is the middle ground.”

Sadie didn’t doubt that it was. Had they been held accountable for the deaths in Lagos and Sokovia on an individual basis, and not as an organisation... Her main fear was incarceration. 

**“** So, there are contingencies?” Rhody asked.

“Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords,” Ross said, and her worry returned. They had no choice, then. It was done. “Talk it over.”

**“** And if we come to a decision you don't like?” Natasha asked, as the Secretary moved to leave the room.

Ross paused, but barely. He didn’t seem at all concerned as he replied: “Then you retire.”

Sadie didn’t think she was quite ready for that.

  
  



	32. Free Thought

_“You wanna know something, baby?”_

_A nod was all he could manage._

_“Something I noticed... ‘bout you. How- how good you are.”_

_“How good I am?”_

_“You wanna know, baby?”_

_“Fuck-”_ Focus _. “Tell me.”_

_“There’s a real fine line between yourself and the Captain.”_

Focusing was too easy after hearing that. 

The exchange had taken place the night before Lagos. Two nights ago, to be precise. It was supposed to be validating, Steve knew it because Sadie only ever praised him in affection, despite his near wordless approach. 

But she’d said it regardless, and the words stuck with him. He hesitated, and she’d stroked his hair, assured him that she liked it when he ‘took charge’. Another word choice that didn’t sit all that well with Steve. He’d pushed it aside anyway, because she made him desperate, and he loved it. 

As soon as it was over, her words were all he could think about. 

It was okay. They were still new, still discovering what they liked and disliked about one another, although there was very little of the latter. Steve would be anything Sadie wanted him to be behind closed doors and in the open. He’d play whatever role satisfied her. He loved to take care of her, to see her relaxed, undone. He’d give her everything he had, all parts of him. Strength and softness and care in every sense. It seemed strength was what she wanted most in those moments they were connected. 

It was okay. Steve just didn’t want that to spill into all parts of their lives. Didn’t want her to think he was ‘taking charge’ when she didn’t want him to, or suddenly start to see him as ‘the Captain’ more than himself. 

With all that was going on with the aftermath of Lagos, it took everything in him to hold back from rushing to her, trying to gauge where her thoughts lay. It took everything to ask if Sadie- Aceso, he should say, at work- was going to sign. 

After Ross’s visit, Steve had told the team to all have a think about the Accords on their own, read over the thing, before they shared premature opinions. The group needed time, for free thinking, and for those who had gotten back from Lagos, for recovery too. 

Truth was, he needed time just as much as they all did, and he didn’t trust himself to speak just yet. So he’d locked himself away from everyone for the night, even Sadie when she’d invited him to her room, as hard as it was. 

Steve’s every instinct was telling him no, this arrangement was a terrible idea. And he thought it over in circles in his own mind, trying to get to the bottom of it all, why he felt so averse to even the _idea_ of the Accords.

But the more Steve read, the more he disagreed. If the Accords were to only police the Avengers, maybe he could face up to it. But this went so much further than just their organisation.

And he wouldn’t have everything they’d built be corrupted this way.

So hours before the team reconvened, Steve was decided. It took everything in him not to tell Sadie he’d stand against the Accords, too. He didn’t want to sway her, didn’t want to ‘take charge’. Not in this. 

This was free thought. 

“I’m in two minds about it all,” Sadie said. She was one of the first to speak, and even as she did, it was like she was still thinking it all through. “I think our approach has been flawed. Majorly flawed. We have to face up to it. And I think this all could’ve been avoided if we had some sort of panel to answer to- _before_ we did this.”

Steve couldn’t argue with her. She’d warned them all. Explained that there would be a risk of casualties. He’d ignored her, they all have.

“I read over F.R.I.D.A.Y’s transcript of the meeting you had,” Tony said, he was quieter than Steve had ever seen him today. “Ethics or no ethics? Was that the phrase I heard?”

“The Accords are about control,” Steve said. “Our decisions can’t be excused, but we know not to make the same mistake twice. Who says that panel will make any choices that are better?”

“How about most of the world’s countries?” Rhody said, and Steve didn’t have an argument for that. But when people’s minds were being swayed by the media like he had seen earlier- any decisions made on those weren’t informed decisions.

“You said you’re in two minds, Sadie?” Wanda said, and Steve sucked in a breath. 

It was what he’d wanted to ask, but it was harder now, with what was between them. He was more afraid than ever to overstep. He could feel a rising conflict, steeled himself in the face of it. But he was aching to know- is she going to stand with him on this? 

“I am,” Sadie nodded. “Considering everything these officials have almost done- Tony had to fly a _nuke_ into outer space because they wanted to drop it on New York. I was treating patients who were dragging themselves to the hospital on foot to avoid ambulance charges. I don’t know that the people who benefit from that are the best people to answer to.”

Steve tried hard not to show his relief. He didn’t let himself get too confident though, it was unclear what the team would choose as of now, let alone what Sadie would. Perhaps he should just ask her… _Focus._

“I sure as hell know Ross isn’t the best person to answer to,” Sam spoke up, making him crack a smile, as his friend always did. Steve had to agree on that.

“Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor, which is one more than you have,” Rhody snapped, and Steve refrained from mentioning that of everyone in the room, Sam should have one. But he could hear the retort already- was he willing to give up his own?

 **“** So let's say we agree to this thing,” Sam said. “How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

“A hundred and seventeen countries want to sign this,” Rhody said. “A hundred and seventeen, Sam, and you're just like, _no, that's cool. We got it.”_

_A hundred and seventeen countries._ Steve had never felt so backed up. All he knew was that this was a situation they had to solve without compromising their values. 

**“** How long are you going to play both sides?”

“I have an equation,” Vision spoke, commanding the attention of the room.

 **“** Oh, this will clear it up,” Sam muttered.

“Let him speak,” Sadie said, in return. “Let’s get some… logic to this.”

 **“** In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially,” Vision said. “And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.”

Steve glanced over at Sadie, who only listened intently to Vision’s words. If he knew anything about her, it was that she would be scrambling for data to back her decision. Sadie was the opposite of Steve, scientifically minded, hardly ever approaching a problem without studies. Her copy of the Accords lay on the coffee table in front of her, annotations, sticky notes and tabs through the entire document. Had she spent all night studying the thing? Had she slept at all?

 **“** Are you saying it's our fault?” Steve asked, although he was sure he sounded juvenile.

“I'm saying there may be a causality,” Vision said, amicably. “Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict breeds catastrophe. Oversight… oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.”

 **“** Boom.”

Steve looked back to Sadie, who was gnawing at her fingers. He could see it in her face. Vision was convincing her. But her eyes were trained on Tony, who lay on the couch like at therapy, a hand over his face. Steve had never seen him so quiet for so long. He could see it in _his_ face too. Tony didn’t need convincing.

“Tony,” Natasha said, breaking the silence. “You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal.”

“It's because he's already made up his mind,” Steve said, partially hoping his was wrong.

 **“** Boy, you know me so well,” Tony replied, despite Steve’s prayers. Tony stood, rubbing his head. **“** Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache.” He wandered over to the kitchen, picking out a mug, the entire room’s eyes glued to him. Even without words, Tony had their attention. “That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. Discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

An image projected in front of them. A handsome, smiling young man.

“Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid- Sadie, he’s from your old part of town,” Tony started. 

His speech was far from a simple tale. Steve listened to the life of Charles Spencer, a life that came to an end far too soon. A lesson to be learned. He didn’t think he and Tony saw that lesson in the same light.

“There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check,” Tony said, confirming his suspicions. “Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.”

 **“** Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up,” Steve tried, gently.

The discussion went back and forth that way, but progress moved nowhere. It seemed nothing Steve could say would change their minds- he was arrogant, boundaryless, and incapable of letting them see how this was wrong. 

Tony and Rhodes, Steve expected. Vision, was unsurprising. He even thought Wanda might sign out of guilt and fear. But when Natasha spoke up, nothing Steve knew made sense.

“Maybe Tony’s right,” his friend said, shocking them all. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off-”

 **“** Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam said, voicing Steve’s thoughts, if only a little stronger than he would have.

 **“** I'm just . . . I'm reading the terrain,” Natasha reasoned. “We have made some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.” 

The more Natasha spoke, the more it was clear to Steve that she would sway how she did. Natasha’s life experience lent itself that way. But he had Sam, and Sadie at his side, still.

“I have to agree,” Sadie said, her voice quiet, and her eyes on the ground. 

“What?” Steve’s voice spoke without his command. Sadie looked slightly guilty now, and he had to check his own expression, pull it back to neutral, professional.

“I gotta be honest, I think the Accords are fucked-”

“No shit,” Sam said.

“-They shouldn’t extend to the general public, and they should be looser on us,” Sadie explained. Steve braced himself. “But I think we can negotiate on that, if we go to Vienna. The Accords might be what we need right now.”

 **“** Focus up,” Tony said quickly, gesturing between Nat and Sadie. “I'm sorry, did I just mishear you or did this duo agree with me?”

 **“** Oh, I want to take it back now,” Natasha groaned. 

**“** No, no, no. You can't retract it,” Tony said, as Steve’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Thank you. Unprecedented.”

“Tony…” Sadie’s voice tuned out as he read the text on his screen. 

_She's gone. In her sleep._

None of this was important. 

Politics, betrayal, conflict and debate. None of it mattered. All of it should stop, the minute Peggy Carter had passed. Steve’s heart hadn’t felt as heavy as this since New Year’s.

 **“** I have to go,” Steve said, and wasted no time in removing himself, disbelief hanging over him as he went. 

He heard Sadie call after him, but the sound was lost to him somehow. All he needed was quiet, somewhere everything would pause how it was supposed to, so he stopped at the bottom of the stairwell. He took a breath, closed his eyes.

Peggy was gone now, too. Steve had made a new life for himself, yes, but Peggy Carter was the last person left who knew who he was, who he used to be. And she was his first love, he still held an affection for her, no matter how settled he was now, and how he wouldn’t change the way things were. But Peggy was the last person he could reminisce with, the last link to home. With her gone, and Bucky missing… Steve had nothing to help him hold onto his old roots, even if he was in the midst of planting new ones.

“Are you okay?” The voice was Sadie, following down after him, stepping close and placing her hands on his arms. “We’ll work all of this out. There’ll be a compromise.”

“It isn’t the Accords,” Steve sighed, before hesitating to speak. 

Sadie had never known Peggy, but she was well aware of who she was, and what she meant to him. They’d talked about it all, past loves and loss and heartbreak on a day last summer when he’d gone with Sadie on a trip to Hell’s Kitchen, and she’d placed flowers on the memorial of Jamal Stewart. Steve’s heart constricted at the thought of putting flowers on Peggy Carter’s grave instead of in her hands, or at her bedside.

“What is it?” Sadie asked, and he struggled to find the words, so he only gave her his phone, wordless, and watched her unlock it to read the horrible text. “Oh, Steve, I’m- I’m so sorry. What do you need?”

Steve sighed, trying to shake his thoughts clear. “Will you ask them… Will you ask when they’re burying her?”

Sadie nodded, her nails clicking across the screen. They waited in silence for a moment, before the phone buzzed again. For some reason, Steve couldn’t look at it. 

“This week. London,” Sadie said, softly, handing his phone back to him. “Come here.”

He bowed his head, felt the weight of her hands on his crown, then the warmth of her power; hot water over his scalp and spine. She pressed her lips to his forehead, the gesture so selfless and loving it could’ve coaxed tears out of him, if he wasn’t so determined to keep them in. 

“Don’t hold back, baby,” Sadie whispered, pulling him closer, and it was like something snapped in him as her buried his head in the crook of her neck. He could suddenly feel it all. “It doesn’t help to hold it in.”

Still, Steve couldn’t let it all go. His eyes burned, so he shut them tightly, waiting for the burn to stop. It was a weight on his heart so heavy and restricting that he _had_ to hold it in, or he’d die of the pain. But Sadie eased it, somehow. Whether it was her power or her spirit, he wasn’t sure. He thought both. And dreaded the moment they’d part. 

“I can come with you,” she said, softly. “To London. If you need somebody.”

“No,” Steve found himself saying. Peggy had always wanted him to move on, properly. Sadie was his chance. He wouldn’t mix the old and new. “I don’t.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own.” 

“I’m not dragging you there when you’re trying to fit all this and looking after Shan,” Steve told her, honestly. “You come to London, then you go to Vienna, then wherever else they’ll take you…”

She pulled away, her hands dimming, leaving him cold. 

“What are you saying?” she asked. 

“Embrace your free time before you sign,” Steve sighed. “That’s all.”

“I didn’t say I’d sign,” Sadie said, but her eyes were darker than normal. He took her hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“It’s okay,” he said. _It’s not okay._

“Will you at least take Sam with you?” Sadie asked, fingers tracing over his veins. He was entranced by the movement somehow. “Steve? You’ll take Sam?”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded, feeling dazed. “Yeah, if he’s available.”

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Sadie look so relieved. She lifted his hand to her lips, planted a kiss on his knuckles before she let go. An odd gesture, especially from her, and he didn’t quite understand it, but he was grateful. 

“You need some time on your own?” she asked him, and he nodded. “What d’you want me to tell the others?”

“The truth,” Steve said, simply. “A bereavement has come at the worst possible time.”

“There’s never a good time for it,” Sadie said, quietly. “I really am sorry, Steve. She was a special woman. Paved the way for a lot of us. I’ll pray for her.”

She turned to leave, then, making her way up the steps. Steve was so overwhelmed by her support in that moment, and despite his mind being pulled two ways over the Accords, he realised he worried for nothing. Sadie was there for him in all things, and even if they were separated on that issue, they came together on many others. 

“Sadie,” he called, and she paused, looking over her shoulder to him. “Will you come by my room later?” 

She smiled reassuringly. He didn’t have to say why, she already knew it. He needed her. He wouldn’t be able to sleep on his own. 

“Of course, I will.”

“You’re everything to me,” Steve blurted, uncaring about anything else. He had to say so. “You know that, don’t you?” 

Sadie nodded, her nails tapping against the banister for a moment before she spoke. “You’re everything to me, too.”

~

Sadie hated being ‘that girl’, but she always was when it came to Steve. 

First, she was the girl who couldn’t keep her eyes off  _ Captain America _ , her case study moving at an impossibly slow rate for all of her stumblings. Then, she was the girl who just wouldn’t leave the poor guy alone. Blushing, and flirting, and never once doing anything about it. She was the girl who couldn’t stop thinking about her new man in New Year’s, and she was the girl who’d do anything for him. 

Now, she was the girl who couldn’t be apart from him even for a few days, apparently. Sadie couldn’t stand not hearing from Steve, especially knowing that he was hurting how he was, and she couldn’t do anything to heal him.

Natasha had gone to London without saying a word to Sadie. She heard the news in a simple text:  _ gone to check on Cap. Meet you in Austria. _

Normally, that would annoy her, but she was just glad to know Steve wouldn’t be on his own. She had half a mind to catch a flight herself, but she had a feeling that would only break his trust, so she stayed put.

At least, it would break his trust even more than she had by going against him on these Accords.  _ It’s okay,  _ he’d said, but she knew him well enough to know that wasn’t true. But Sadie couldn’t think of any other way to solve the problems the Avengers were having, the problems they’d caused. 

Hearing Vision’s statistics, seeing Ross’s footage, the tragic story of Charles Spencer and the overarching fact of what happened in Lagos… The Accords were in the public’s best interest, and wasn’t the public who they wished to serve?

Diplomacy. Diplomacy meant exposing parts of herself for the world to see that she never intended to. Diplomacy meant attending interviews and putting on her best face. Diplomacy meant Vienna, and a blur of official faces, and no friends by her side. But she’d chosen this, she’d chosen to step up.

Regardless, when Sadie finally spotted Natasha entering the building and signing documents, she couldn’t get over to her faster.

“Just in time,” Sadie said, relieved as she pulled Natasha into a one armed hug. “I was beginning to worry I was here on my own.”

“Tony isn’t here?” the agent asked, but there was a grimace on her face. Closest Natasha got to _‘sorry I'm late.’_

“He’s with Ross,” Sadie said, by way of explanation. “I’m  _ not _ hanging around Ross.”

“I don’t blame you,” Natasha snorted, as they walked along. There was the occasional camera flash. 

“So, how was London?” Sadie asked, pulling at the sleeves of her satin blazer. 

“Steve’s fine,” Natasha said, bluntly. “Sam’s keeping an eye on him.”

Sadie heaved a sigh of relief. She’d been part worried that Steve would’ve pushed Sam and Natasha away as soon as he got the chance, forever wanting to be ‘strong’. She was grateful he had a friend like Sam at his side.

“Thank you for going,” Sadie said, sincerely.

“I couldn’t stand by,” Nat shrugged, and Sadie understood that better than anyone. It was killing her to do it.

“I suppose not many of us are used to the spotlight,” a foreign voice said, and the pair of them turned to a face Sadie had never seen before. It had become second nature already to smile at strangers.

“Oh, well, it's not always so flattering,” Natasha said, forever oozing s feminine charm Sadie could never seem to get right.

**“** You seem to be doing alright so far,” the man smiled. “Considering your last trip to Capitol Hill . . . I wouldn't think you would be particularly comfortable in this company.”

**“** Well, I'm not,” Nat said.

**“** That alone makes me glad you're here, Miss Romanoff,” he nodded, and Sadie let her eyes trail away towards the crowd. The conversation was oddly personal for the setting, and somehow made her feel like an eavesdropper. “And yourself, Doctor Moore.”

The last comment was added hastily, as if he sensed her discomfort, and Sadie felt heat rise to her face- she couldn’t just speak up, like a normal person? She’d leave the politics to Natasha.

**“** Why?” Nat asked. “You don't approve of all this?”

**“** The Accords, yes. The politics, not really,” he said, with a half smile. “Two people in a room can get more done than a hundred.”

“I have to agree,” Sadie managed to say. Not much, but at least now the man knew she wasn’t mute.

**“** Unless you need to move a piano,” another voice laughed, and King T’Chaka of Wakanda brushed casually past Sadie and greeted the man before them, who Sadie realised was his son, Prince T’Challa.

_Great_. She had only embarrassed herself in front of royalty. Sadie was impossibly out of her element.

“King T'Chaka,” Natasha said, by way of greeting. She remained cool, not an ounce of the surprise Sadie was sure was written all over her own face. “Please, allow us to apologize for what happened in Nigeria.”

“Yes,” Sadie said, quickly. “We can only promise to do better from now on.”

“Thank you. Thank you for agreeing to all this,” King T’Chaka said. “And your treatment of our people was noble, Doctor.” 

Sadie looked down to the ground. Her treatment? She’d failed to save a single life in the blast. 

“Thank you. But I think it’s better to prevent than to cure,” Sadie said.

“Hopefully we will achieve both here---,” the King said. “I'm sad to hear that Captain Rogers will not be joining us today.”

Sadie was about to think of some response, some defence or excuse for Steve, but Natasha spoke before she could, and Sadie was grateful that her impulse was halted. 

“If everyone could please be seated,” a voice on the tannoy said. “This assembly is now in session.”

“That is the future calling,” T’Challa said. “Such a pleasure.”

“Can I trust that you got us good seats?” Natasha asked Sadie, after they had excused themselves. 

Sadie rolled her eyes and gestured to the names on the tables as they paused. “Here we are. Front row.”

The murmurs of the hall came to a halt as King T’Chaka made his way to the podium at the front of the stage, a wall of glass windows behind him diffusing light perfect for all the cameras. Sadie opened up her iPad and started a voice recording, then opened her notebook, and started her notes.

“When stolen Wakandan vibranium was used to make a terrible weapon, we in Wakanda were forced to question our legacy,” the King said, strongly. “Those men and women killed in Nigeria, were part of a goodwill mission from a country too long in the shadows. We will not, however, let misfortune drive us back.”

“Look,’ Natasha said, from Sadie’s side, nodding just off the stage. 

“We will fight to improve the world we wish to join…”

“What?”

“I am grateful to the Avengers for supporting this initiative…”

“T’Challa,” Natasha clarified, and Sadie noticed the young Prince’s attention lay on something outside. She craned her neck to see what.

“Wakanda is proud to extend its hand in peace...”

“Something’s wrong,” Natasha whispered, urgently, and just then, T’Challa rushed forward, yelling loudly.

**“** EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”

He didn’t need to say it twice. Sadie felt the weight of Natasha throwing her backward off her chair, covering Sadie’s body with her own as a boom shook the building, and there was a flashing light, and screams right after.

Sadie was paralysed, and in her mind, she was in Afghanistan again, except this time, the sand was carpet, and the heat was fire. She pushed Natasha off of her as they both scrambled to their feet, coughing through the smoke and avoiding broken glass.

Sadie let her hands glow as she scanned the fleeing crowd, before Natasha grabbed her forearm harshly.

“You can’t,” she said, and Sadie could hardly hear her over the ringing in her ears. “This isn’t sanctioned.”

Then, Natasha dragged her out toward the fire exit, her protests fruitless as they left behind those injured. Sadie took as many breaths as she could over the smoke, let the thoughts run over her mind.

_ The Accords are what we need, the Accords are what we need, the Accords are what we need… _

~

_ Conference was attacked. Myself and Nat are okay. If you watch the news, don’t get any stupid ideas. Call me when you do get said stupid ideas so I can talk you out of it. _

That was the text Steve had received from Sadie, breaking the news of the bombing, and predicting his behaviour. He did have a stupid idea, after seeing Bucky’s name and face on the news. 

That stupid idea, was that they finally had a lead.

Another stupid idea, was that he had to see Sadie was safe with his own eyes. ‘Okay’ could mean any number of things, and he wasn’t going to risk losing her too. Of course, showing up in Vienna when he’d refused to sign the Accords was such a stupid idea, that Sam had insisted on disguises.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked Sadie over his burner phone, standing a safe enough distance away. He could see her pacing near where Natasha sat on a bench, her peach satin suit stained with soot. 

“I’m fine, I wasn’t injured,” Sadie said. “Shit, Steve if you could see what it’s like here. They won’t let me help. I- I can’t believe they won’t let me help. It’s horrible.”

Steve bit his tongue at that. He could believe it. These Accords infuriated him even more now. Seventy people injured- she could heal at least half of that.

“I’m glad you’re safe, doll,” he said, truthfully. “How’s Nat?”

“She had a few burns but I patched them up,” she replied. “So, what’s your stupid idea?”

“I’m going to bring him in,” he said, and watched her halt abruptly.

“Oh, hell no you’re not,” Sadie snapped. “You gave up that privilege. They’ll arrest you.”

“Who?” Steve challenged. “The Avengers? You?”

“Maybe not me, but literally anyone else who can catch you,” she argued. “This isn’t going to help you, and it isn’t gonna help your friend, either.”

“I guess there’s no point asking if you’ll help me,” he said, unsure why he’d even hoped so.

There was a long pause. Steve watched her take the phone from her ear, press it to her chest, before picking it back up again.

“It’s not fair to ask me that,” Sadie said, quietly. He hated that he saw hurt on her face. “Ask me for anything but that and I’ll give you it. Okay, Steve? Whatever else you want, I’ll do it for you, baby, I will.”

“But not this,” Steve sighed, feeling guiltier than ever.

“Not this,” Sadie said. “I’ve signed those Accords already I… I can’t back out, now. Promise me you’ll stay in London, okay? Promise you’ll stay out of this.”

Steve took a breath, pushing down his guilt.

“Ask me for anything except that, and I’ll give you it,” he said, truthfully.

“Nice,” she scoffed, running a hand through her hair. “Real nice, Steve.” A long pause as she resumed her pacing. “I just want you to think about this. Will any of it matter, in one, two years time? Will it be worth it?”

He didn’t know. All he knew was that it mattered now. It was worth it now, if he had any chance of saving Bucky, fixing whatever they’d done to him.

“You wanna talk to Nat?” Sadie asked, when he didn’t respond.

“Yes,” he answered. 

“I’ll pass her the phone.”

“Sadie?”

“What?”

“I wish things were different,” Steve said. “I still care about you, doll. I still want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too,” Sadie replied. “I just don’t think they’d be allowing us conjugal visits.”

  
  
  



	33. ARTICLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is a little different. hopefully it doesn't ruin the flow. I had this article written which was going to be placed at the end of the book as a bonus, but I think it is well placed in the book itself. this interview takes place before Vienna. there will still be a narrative update this week :)

**_ EXCLUSIVE! ACESO'S THOUGHTS: "THE AVENGERS COULD HAVE BEEN FASTER, SMARTER, MORE EFFICIENT." _ **

BY **KAREN PAGE** FOR _NEW YORK BULLETIN_

**MAY 2016**

**_Doctor Isadora Moore on the Sokovia Accords, events in Paris, and the ethics of combat medicine._ **

_The Avenger's Compound is a mighty structure- located where, even I don't know after my visit. The car ride took us off the main interstate and onto unmarked roads- no further landmarks than the generic trees and bushes that are spotted all across the state of New York. The Compound is bustling on a warm Friday afternoon- Cadets running drills in the lush green field, and countless professionals going about their business in the atrium- doctors, engineers, receptionists._

_I'm met by Dr Moore herself, and immediately she oozes professionalism and intelligence, while not ever appearing overbearing._ "Let's go where it's quiet and get to know each other," _she tells me, and leads me to a social space on one of the many glass balconies._

_Yet, for all of it, it's clear that Aceso is not a figure well known to many of us, and her body language as we sit shows me Dr Moore is not used to this nature of press._

_In our previous conversations over telephone and email, I warned Dr Moore (who insists I call her Isadora) that this interview would be much more personal than those of the medical journals we've past seen her in. When I reiterate this she laughs with good nature._

**Isadora:** Of course, I expect no less, Karen- I'm very familiar with your work, and I know you won't go too easy on me. Truth is, I haven't spoken much at all about my time as an Avenger as I have my work as a doctor.

 **Karen:** And why do you think that is?

 **Isadora:** [she laughs again, if a little uneasy this time] It took me a long time to come to grips with myself in this sort of environment. And the kind of attention it brings- it's different to the sort of work I do as a professional. When I talk about my projects _(_ _our article on G.E.M.I.N.I_ _)_ I'm judged on my credentials, my research, things I can tangibly control. And if they're criticised- if somebody evaluates and finds a flaw, it's something that I can easily fix. As Avengers- we're judged on heroism, and strength, and rightly! But those sort of abstract qualities- I can't control how those are perceived. And when a flaw is found in who you are? That's a little more tricky than fixing a citation.

 **Karen:** Is that something you struggle with often? Controlling your image? Flaws in yourself?

 **Isadora:** I think it's something we all do, as humans. Not only our image to the world, but to ourselves, and the people we love. At the end of the day, as much as I'm humbled by it, being Aceso is a job. I have a responsibility to help people who are hurt- and unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't go to plan. One of my greatest mentors, Doctor Crewe at Stanford University- fantastic woman, does so much ground breaking research for paediatrics- she said to me: as doctors, we're always going to lose people. We're never going to be fast enough, smart enough, efficient enough 100% of the time. But we have to keep going regardless. We don't forget about our mistakes, but we move past them.

 **Karen:** You mentioned moving past loss and failures as a doctor. Do you think that applies to your role as a superhero, and the situation in Lagos, and Sokovia?

 **Isadora:** Oh gosh, that word. Superhero- I don't think of myself as a hero in anyway, and I don't think I should be thanked for what I do. It's the only thing that's right. I will be honest, when it came to Sokovia, I tagged along last minute. I had no training in combat. I went to treat people. Now, that isn't me taking responsibility away from myself or putting it on anybody else. What I mean to say is that, I didn't know the team very well at all.

 **Karen:** You knew Captain Rogers, and Agent Romanoff, from your encounters in 2014. (Read: the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

 **Isadora:** Yes, but I saw them work for no more than a few days. After Sokovia, I realised that the Avengers' process after events like these? It isn't all that different to the processes Doctor Crewe taught me in Medical Eval. They went through it all, hour by hour accounts of the entire conflict with Ultron, from birth to end. They identified where they could've been faster, smarter, more efficient. And I thought, this is a team I would want to stand beside. Listen, what happened in Lagos was an absolute tragedy- I won't sugar coat it, I can't, I was there. I saw it all. And I know that for what my role is, I failed miserably. But I also know that we're doing our best.

 **Karen:** After the Battle of Sokovia, there was a lot of focus on your role. We see our heroes involved in search and rescue after the fact, sometimes they're not involved at all. But there you were, right in the middle of it all, helping. A lot of attention on witness statements- namely the one made by Aleksy Leibermann, who claimed that if it weren't for your help, his livelihood based on personal training would have been lost. Digging deeper, we've found that this wasn't the first instance of you healing on the field?

 **Isadora:** [extremely bashful, and slightly lost for words] Well, first of all thank you, Karen. I'm always so glad to hear from patients after treatment, especially ones like Aleksy who was just so brave despite being in a lot of pain. But yes, I've had to use my abilities on the field before- in fact, it's where I discovered them. I think something about the high pressure and the desperation... [she laughs sadly] But I think people ought to know that there is a large difference in who I am as Aceso, as Doctor Moore, and as Sadie, y'know?

 **Karen:** So, in all of this, I think it's safe to say you were something of a beacon for the people after Sokovia. But in the past year you've found yourself under a lot of scrutiny, particularly after the events in Paris last fall, and Captain Rogers' reaction to it all. Can you comment on that?

 **Isadora:** That's a question for him, I think.

 **Karen:** Did you condone his vengeful rage?

 **Isadora:** I don't think- I'm not sure I understand what you want me to say to all this.

 **Karen:** I want you to say whatever you think. The world has already made their judgements- Captain America was able to come forward, issue a statement, answer questions. Why shouldn't you? You were confined to your recovery- I want you to say what you would've said then, if you had the chance.

 **Isadora:** [takes a long pause, a sip of her water] Paris was... an extremely traumatic event for everyone involved. As for Steve's- Captain Rogers'- decisions in that moment? I can only say that this man is incredibly experienced, and far more educated in enemy tactics than I will probably ever be. You'll know from his statement that what he did keeps the team, and the _world,_ safer in the long run. Knife-crime rates are already too high, if someone can stab an Avenger and get away with it, who cares if you stab someone from a rival gang? I don't mean to make excuses- at the end of the day, there was no trial, and that was wrong, but people seem to forget that this wasn't just any group of common criminals. It was HYDRA.

 **Karen:** So you think the Captain's actions were more political in nature than passionate? Even despite his confession, and your relationship?

 **Isadora:** Yes. Definitely more political.

 **Karen:** Then don't you think it should have been more regulated? Surely you'd agree that there is a difference between Captain America and Steve Rogers as you've admitted a difference between Doctor Moore and Aceso?

 **Isadora:** Well, of course there's a difference. But it's not just about wearing a costume- a hat or a shield. 'Steve Rogers' is just as qualified as 'Captain America'- he still is a Captain even if he didn't set out to work that night. Just as Dr Palmer who operated on me was still a surgeon, even if she didn't leave her hotel room in her scrubs. And I get the criticisms of it all- that our title as Avengers gave us a free pass to settle personal scores but, you have to understand all the implications I mentioned if Vermis were to have gotten away with it.

 **Karen:** So you condone the death of Hugo Vermis? His execution without trial at the hands of, who exactly, in that moment? Captain Rogers, decorated war hero, or a regular man clearly experiencing extreme distress and anger at the events?

 **Isadora:** Bit of a loaded question, Karen, and I don't think it's fair.

 **Karen:** A lot of people don't think what happened that night was fair either.

 **Isadora:** Yeah. I guess, that's true. To answer your questions, we could go around in circles about the philosophy of the superhero identity. I don't condone Vermis's death without trial- but as per Rogers' statement, we all know his reasoning, whether we agree or not. I would've done things differently if it were him _[Captain America]_ who were attacked.

 **Karen:** You would have healed him.

 **Isadora:** Of course. But even past that, I would've done it differently. Regardless, we can all judge what we _would've_ done in his shoes, but like I said, he is infinitely more qualified than me or you. Maybe my way wouldn't have been effective at all- maybe it would have been damaging.

 **Karen:** Do you think _he_ would've done it differently, if it were him who was attacked?

 **Isadora:** What do you mean?

 **Karen:** If Captain America was stabbed that night, and you healed him. He's still left a little bloody, but he's right back to his peak physical health. Do you think he would've pursued Vermis, executed him with the same rigour? Do you think he would've done it if it were just anyone attacked? Or do you think he did it all how he did because it was _you_ , Dr Moore?

 **Isadora:** [a long, deafening silence] I shouldn't really be entertaining these questions. These are all questions for Steve.

 **Karen:** Alright. Let's get back to the Accords. You're due to attend the ratification in Vienna this week. What are your thoughts?

....


	34. Uncertainty

In medical psychology, there is a discussion referred to as the person-situation debate. Can behaviour be better predicted by knowing the person, or the situation- and which holds the most weight?

If Sadie had to predict the behaviour of Steve Rogers after the events in Vienna, she could make a fair guess based on both the person and situation. He wouldn't follow her advice, she knew it. He wouldn't stay in London and he wouldn't stay out of it.

It didn't mean she was any less angry to be flown to Berlin because Captain America and the Falcon were out playing street past curfew.

_"Warmer than jail,"_ she heard Tony call as she rounded a corner past the meeting rooms.

"Where are they?" Sadie asked him and Natasha as they passed each other, but she didn't slow down the speed of her swift walk.

"Down the hall," Tony said, and Sadie walked faster until soon enough, she spotted Steve and Sam, stood by the doorway, as if they'd done nothing wrong. "Be gentle!"

"Gentle my ass," she murmured, coming to a full stop before the two soldiers. "You want to explain?"

There was no answer at that, which only made Sadie's blood boil even more at their unapologetic expressions.

"I told you to stay in London," she reminded Steve, who only shrugged.

"I wasn't _in_ London," he replied, nonchalantly. She shook her head, and turned to glare at Sam, next.

"You couldn't talk some sense into this _idiot?"_ she snapped, and Sam raised his hands in defeat. "You just join in his antics?"

"If you're going to blame anyone, blame me," Steve said, before Sam could speak, and it was a knee jerk reaction to whirl on him.

"Oh," Sadie laughed, cold and bitter as she crossed her arms. "Oh, I'm blaming you, alright. This way."

She turned to lead them down the corridors to the office that that was equating their cell. Sadie didn't walk any slower either, barking at the men to keep up as their pace relaxed, and she could hear their low mumblings.

"You're in deeper shit than me."

"I'm not."

"You are, man. Your girl's about to beat your ass-"

"Sam," Sadie snapped, as she came to an abrupt halt at the office. "Trust me when I say, I'd be beating the crap out of the pair of you if it was allowed. In fact, I think there'd be a whole line of people waiting for their turn. But for now, we gotta make do with the naughty step."

The two of them hesitated by the door she held open, Steve scanning the room as if there was something that might be hiding behind the entirely transparent glass. Losing her patience, Sadie prompted him into the room with a sharp jab between his shoulder blades, and he took the cue to enter, Sam hot on his heels.

"Let me explain how this works," Sadie started, as they took their seats at the table. "You don't leave this room. You don't speak or signal to anyone outside of this room. There's audio-visual surveillance here, so don't bother chatting up a plan to get out, they're going to split you up soon anyway. Any attempt to leave will only put you somewhere even more secure."

"Would you get in our way if we tried to go?" Steve asked, his eye contact near uncomfortable. It was a loaded question, and it made her the bad guy.

"Yes," Sadie said, firmly. "Lucky, though, isn't it? Since you're not going anywhere."

"Not without my wings," Sam grumbled, and she raised an eyebrow.

"And whose fault is that?" she asked, turning to leave, when she felt Steve's grip on her forearm.

Sadie had told herself not to touch him, and make sure he didn't touch her either.

She knew that she'd lose all resolve if she got too close, and it was happening already as he turned her around, his hand gripping hers. He was so close that she would've been embarrassed Sam was so near, or that the walls were all glass, if Steve wasn't able to take all her focus the way he did.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said, quietly, and she sighed, nodding her head.

"I know," she said, shaking her hand free and stepping back. "So make it easy, and stay put, okay? I'm working on getting you a lawyer."

"A lawyer?" Steve frowned. "But that Commander-"

"Even if you're wrong, you still have rights," Sadie pointed out. "I texted Savannah. She's going to try and pull some strings at Cambridge."

Steve still didn't look satisfied at that, but she shook her head, reading his mind. She reached over to the microphone button, turned it off.

"I _can't_ get anyone for Barnes," she explained. "Not after what he did, it's too much."

"Sadie, I don't think-"

"The rest of the world does," Sadie sighed. "The people at that conference..."

She swallowed down the anger in her stomach as she thought about the lives lost, the lives she could have saved if she was allowed to use her abilities that day. Instead, she was forced to stand by as people were hurt.

"The rest of the world thinks it was Barnes," Sadie repeated. "And frankly, so do I."

"What are they going to do to him?" Steve asked, his eyes drifting toward the surveillance footage outside the room.

"Just an eval," Sadie assured him. "They have this Swiss fella in, he's supposed to be a specialist."

"You can't do it?" Sam asked, from his seat, and she shook her head.

"I'm not a psychiatrist," she said.

"Can you sit in?" Steve asked. "Make sure none of it's... leading. Or at least check on him?"

"You want me to 'check on' the Winter Soldier?" Sadie scoffed. "Who's going to 'check on' me?"

"You know I wouldn't ask if..." he trailed off, looking back toward the footage before staring back at her again. "Please."

She bit her lip, thinking for a moment. She'd regret it, but she couldn't stand the worry in Steve's eyes, so she nodded, and he sighed in relief.

Sadie left swiftly before he could get her doing anything else completely insane, entering the elevator to head down to the lower levels, where she knew the psychiatrist would be getting ready to 'treat' Barnes.

It wasn't treatment, they all knew it. It was interrogation.

When she reached the lower ground, the office space buzzing with officials and soldiers, and yet it was hard to find any doctors in the crowd.

"I'm looking for Dr Broussard?" she called, over the room. "Dr Theo Broussard!"

"Here," she heard a voice call, and it took her a moment to trace the voice to a mousey looking man in the back of the room, bent over a briefcase which he snapped shut as soon as she got closer. "Dr Moore. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I want to observe your treatment of Barnes," Sadie said, confidently.

"Are you interested in the psychiatric arts, Dr Moore?" Broussard asked, but there was something other than playfulness in his eyes.

"Arts are subjective," Sadie said. "Medicine is a practise."

Broussard only shrugged. "I did not study philosophy. But I treat my patients only privately. Too many eyes in the room will... affect my results."

"Mm, yes, I understand," she mused, although she didn't. Something felt off. "You never work with students, Dr Broussard? You never have observations from the board of your hospital?"

"All due respect, Dr Moore," Broussard said, his accent thick. He wore an empty smile. "You are neither my student nor my superior. You can watch the footage like everyone else. _Aceso."_

Sadie hummed in response, snatching a pair of latex gloves from the box on the table and snapping them on. It was clear she was getting nowhere with Broussard, but maybe she could still get in there, find out if Steve really was right...

"I'll examine the patient while you prep," she said, casually.

The key to getting into places you shouldn't be, she learned, is to act like you should be there.

It worked. Broussard waved her away, going back to his papers, and so she made her way toward the heavy doors at the back of the room, flashing her ID to the guards as she went. It worked again. They opened the doors, no question, but they followed her every step.

Sadie didn't plan on getting too close right away- she held her hands glowing and ready at her sides as Barnes came into view. He was detained in a prison pod, looking down at the ground, hair hiding his face, and for a moment she thought he was asleep. Then he lifted his head- a simple movement, and yet it still made Sadie's heart jump in shock.

God, she was afraid. There were meters between them, and military grade confines around him, and still, she was afraid. She remembered what it had been like seeing the Soldier on that highway two years ago, remembered how even Steve had barely been able to keep up with him in a fight.

Barnes went back to staring at the ground, and Sadie's eyes wandered towards the CCTV cameras on the wall. She wondered if Steve was watching, and concluded that there was no way he wasn't.

There were more guards now, and they wouldn't back off her trail. They were there for her, she supposed, but seven of them? They didn't make her feel any safer, if anything they made her worry more.

Sadie wondered if they would have come in with Nat, or Tony, too. Yes, probably Tony- he's a valuable man, the face of all this, even if he can stand his own ground. But not Natasha, she didn't think they'd send in anyone with Natasha. The agent didn't need it.

But apparently Sadie did, because Sadie was the Avenger that needed protecting, the Avenger that was stabbed in broad daylight.

"Sergeant Barnes. It's James, right?" Sadie tried, gently. Barnes didn't look up again. "But Steve calls you Bucky. You mind if I call you Bucky?"

That seemed to have piqued his interest- Barnes actually gave her a momentary glance. Perhaps she'd overstepped- a man like him, should she even be asking for a first name basis? Should she even want one, after Vienna?

She put the thought out of her head, she should treat him like any other patient, hold no extra reservations, try to build rapport.

"You know him?" Barnes questioned, focusing back on the frame in front of him.

"I do. I've heard a lot about you," Sadie nodded. "We've sort of met before actually. You turned over a car I was in."

Great. Fantastic way to build rapport. She tried not to trip back over her words when Barnes didn't respond. The atmosphere was still chilly. She decided it might be time for some candour.

"But, y'know, that ended up being exactly the sort of thing I needed at the time. A good ol' shake awake," she elaborated cheerfully, before pausing.

The statement sounded much more insane out loud, and it didn't help that her voice wasn't as steady as she would've liked.

"I'm Doctor Isadora-Michelle Moore," she said, confidently. "But I guess if I'm calling you Bucky, then you're calling me Sadie."

"I'm not calling you anything," he said. "Minding my business in this place."

Sadie tried not to take it personally. "Alright, Sarge. But there's not a lot of people on your side here-"

"And you are?"

Sadie paused, again. Barnes was staring straight at her then, his icy gaze somehow managing to make her feel interrogated, despite the fact that he was the one in the cell. She thought about his question, the trap it could potentially put her in. It was so similar to Steve's question earlier. No right answer.

"I'm a doctor," Sadie concluded. "I'm not on anybody's side when it comes to these things."

"You step into diplomacy, you can't step out," Barnes said, and something twisted in her gut to hear Steve's words coming from someone else.

But it wasn't just anybody else. For all she knew, the advice could have belonged to Barnes to begin with, and Steve had stolen the words. Or it may have come from somebody they both knew, a mentor, or a parent, or a friend.

Didn't change the fact that it made Sadie sick, somehow.

"Sergeant Barnes," she frowned, moving closer to the glass. She could see him properly now, and he didn't seem to be in pain. "Are you injured?"

No response. Sadie sighed, glancing back at the camera with a raised brow. What was Steve thinking, sending her down here? She found herself suddenly thinking of Vienna.

"Fine," she said, simply. "You might not want help, but the people in that building certainly did. So I won't waste any more of my time."

"I didn't set off that bomb," Barnes said, his voice slightly louder now.

"Then who did?" Sadie found herself asking.

There was no way she would get away with this for long, she didn't have clearance to ask these sorts of questions. But she needed this to make sense. Needed to know if Barnes was a liar or not.

"Who else has your exact face, Barnes?" Sadie marched forward, the guards still maintaining closeness. "People _died_ in Vienna."

"I didn't kill them," Barnes said, again.

Sadie didn't let her gaze drop, and neither did he. It didn't fill her with confidence that his face was almost completely blank, as if he had said the lines a million times. She couldn't understand the connection between the man in front of her, and the mischievous soldier she'd heard so much about from Steve.

But still.

Sadie didn't think Steve was completely naive, and she didn't think Barnes was a liar. Even when she was so close to the glass, even when her tone had been so aggressive, he'd made no attempt to intimidate her. And she'd seen Barnes in action before.

This pod was no real match for him, so why wasn't he trying to break out?

"Shit," Sadie breathed, running a hand through her hair, as she turned on the spot, exasperated.

If there was anything she knew for certain, it was that even if Steve's judgement was flawed, it was sound judgement, based on moral.

Sadie was never one to believe that _a friend of my friend is my friend._ But she trusted Steve more than anyone in her life, bar her mother.

She knew he wouldn't have sent her down here if he wasn't certain that she would be safe with Barnes, and how could he possibly know that unless he knew the man was innocent?

"I didn't set off that bomb," Barnes repeated, snapping Sadie out of her thoughts.

Sadie heard the heavy doors open at the back of the room, heard the frantic voice of Everett Ross telling her to back away from the pod.

"Then whoever did is getting away with it," she said, until she was interrupted by a guard who stood between her and the pod.

"Who gave you authority to interrogate?" the Commander asked, and she turned to face him, smiling politely.

"No interrogation, sir," Sadie said. "Just seeing if the patient is injured."

"Prisoner," Everett corrected. "Prisoner, not patient. And certainly not _your_ patient, Dr Moore."

"Well," she said, throwing up her hands and moving to leave. "I'll leave you all to prep for the evaluation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're all doing well, and I hope you liked this chapter! As you can tell, Sadie's thoughts and feelings are all over the place, she's still very much angry about Vienna, and shaken by the fact she couldn't help people there :(
> 
> I'd like to say thanks as well to all the folk giving kudos! It's not a lot, but even one means the world to me!


	35. Pivot

"What were you even doing down there?" Tony asked her, keeping his voice low.

"Checking on him," Sadie said, but she knew she sounded weak, no conviction at all.

"Checking on a mass murderer?" he pressed, and Sadie could see the exasperation in his face.

Sadie couldn't blame him, she was exasperated at herself, and the fact that everything she'd made her mind up on seemed to be shifting. Between not being able to help patients in Vienna, and her conversation with Barnes, she was beginning to wonder if maybe Steve was right about everything all along.

She couldn't get the images out of her head ever since the explosion- the unconscious bodies in the building she was forced to leave behind, the people on stretchers crying in pain...

Never once, had Sadie ever walked by a patient in need without helping them. Never once in her entire career. Before she was a doctor, she was a first aider and she never let a person go without even a band-aid.

Except earlier, in Vienna, when she broke that value. Because it wasn't Accords sanctioned. It was becoming harder and harder to convince herself that everything would be okay. That the Sokovia Accords were what they needed.

The office was crowded, yet quiet, everybody listening to Barnes' evaluation on the surveillance. Sadie strained to hear over the quiet murmurings of opinion in the room. Unnecessary commentary on every word.

"You know," she said to Tony, trying to steer the topic away from her confrontation with Barnes. "I got a funny vibe from that Broussard earlier."

 _"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James,"_ Broussard's voice was slow and patronising over the microphones. Sadie would never talk to a patient as if they were so dim.

"Cap asked you to go down there, didn't he?" Tony sighed, ignoring her, and glancing back at the glass office where Steve stood. He was only metres away from them. Sadie made it a point not to look. "What games are you two playing? I thought we were on the same page with all of this, Sadie."

"We are... _mostly_ on the same page, Tony. Now shush," she said, under her breath. "I'm trying to listen."

 _"Tell me, Bucky,"_ Broussard continued. _"You've seen a great deal, haven't you?"_

 _"I don't want to talk about it,"_ Barnes responded, and Sadie could only think that the man wasn't doing himself many favours.

 _"You fear that... if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop,"_ Broussard said, and Sadie frowned.

"What sort of doctor is this guy?" she mumbled. Something about his evaluation didn't sit too well with her- particularly when it was as leading as this was.

"Shush, I'm trying to listen," Tony said, proudly, and she rolled her eyes.

 _"Don't worry,"_ Broussard said. _"We only have to talk about one."_

Just then, the light shut off and the screens dimmed, red emergency lights flashing in the room. Immediately, Sadie was on full alert, and let her hands glow.

"Great," the voice was Everrett Ross, although Sadie could hardly see him as her eyes adjusted. "Come on, guys. Get me eyes on Barnes!"

"Sadie, can I get some of that light over here?" Natasha said, bending over a computer and Sadie complied, rushing over, making her power glow brighter.

"I don't trust Broussard down there unsupervised," Sadie said, as Natasha typed, rebooting the screen in front of her.

"Broussard is the one you don't trust?" Natasha questioned, and before Sadie could reply, Tony was at their side again.

"The source of the outage is all the way at the city's power grid," he said, quickly. "This has been planned."

"Planned by who?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder to the office where Steve and Sam should've been- except they weren't.

The room was empty, the only sign that it had ever been occupied was Sharon Carter, who was speaking over a handheld receiver. Sadie had only ever interacted with the woman once or twice when she worked with SHIELD, and it was clear as day that the agent still had the tendency to make herself useful.

"It can only be Barnes," Tony said, shaking his head, but Sadie wasn't convinced.

"The Winter Soldier works alone these days," she said. "How could he control a power grid from his prison cell?"

"What would you suggest happened, then?" Natasha asked, already flicking through the surveillance footage of the sublevels.

"There's somebody on the inside feeding into all this," Sadie explained, exasperated. "This is all far too elaborate to have not been planned- for _months._ Barnes has been in Berlin for less than six hours. He can't be behind this."

"Then how in hell has he broken out?" Tony asked, gesturing to the screen Natasha pulled up then, showing the prison pod empty, smashed glass on the floors.

Sadie had no words, confusion taking over her. Barnes had seemed so uninterested in escape, or attack when she'd spoken to him. Had she been too naive? Too quick to believe his word, because of what he meant to Steve?

Sadie didn't realise Tony and Natasha were moving until they were already meters away, and she had to jog to catch up.

"Please tell me you brought a suit," Natasha said, as they rushed down the hall.

"Sure did," Tony replied, simply. "It's a lovely Tom Ford, three-piece, two-button- I'm an active-duty non-combatant."

"Follow me," a woman's voice said. Sadie whipped her head to find Sharon Carter beside her, leading them forward. "He's on the ground floor."

"Where?" Sadie asked as they rounded into the stairwell. "We need to make a plan."

"If only Cap was in his right mind," Tony grumbled, and suddenly the group halted on the stairs, nearly tripping.

It was then that Sadie noticed their entourage had extended to include T'Challa, who stood strong and determined behind her, the anger in his eyes more than disconcerting. The group looked to Natasha, who had stopped their progress.

"Well, Cap's not here and we don't have time to pine after him," Natasha said firmly. "I've fought this guy before. We go in like a bunch of headless chickens, we're not gonna win."

"Let me take him," T'Challa said, strongly. "I can bring him down."

"I say we just go in with a charge," Sadie said, quickly. "A strong front, four against one."

"We need to take him by surprise," Tony argued. "I got the perfect tech for it-"

"What are his weaknesses?" Sharon spoke. "If we all aim for the one goal-"

"Stop, all of you," Natasha said. "Here's what we're gonna do. We'll go four against one, sure, but if we all go in at once- he'll mow us down. Tony, you use whatever tech you've got, but we're not relying on it. And all due respect, Your Highness, but you're not doing this alone."

The silence that fell as Natasha spoke was deafening, but through all of this, this was the first time anything seemed clear to Sadie. Natasha tossed them all fresh new communicators from a case, and within seconds they were all hooked up.

"We split up," Nat continued, her voice authoritative and steady. "Each approach from different directions, one after the other- we shake him up. Make it so he can't keep track. We all throw whatever we've got at him. Are we clear?"

Nods all round.

"Tony, you go first, you use what you've got," Natasha ordered. "Sadie, you after. I'll come in, then Sharon, then-"

"Then when you all fail, I get Barnes to myself," T'Challa said. "We're clear, Agent Romanoff."

There wasn't a word said after that, only a scratchy voice through Sharon's communicator that said _"Barnes has been sighted in the north cafeteria, I repeat, the north cafeteria-"_ and the team was moving again, splitting directions how Natasha had ordered.

"What's this tech you have then?" Sadie asked, in a hushed whisper, as they walked. "One of the nano suits you were working on?"

"Not quite. I mean, it's part of a finished project."

"Part of one?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," Tony nodded, but there was a look in his eyes that, even behind his rose tinted glasses, wasn't the most positive. "I've been training."

"You're going hand to hand," Sadie said, in slight disbelief. Tony only gave her an odd smile.

"I've been training," he repeated. "Sadie, I'm glad we've got you on our side. I know it's hard, with Steve-"

"I'm not on any side, this guy's attacking people," she huffed.

It didn't take long for Sadie and Tony to locate Barnes, all it took was to follow the sounds of conflict- grunts and shouts, gunshots and snapping of bones. They came to a halt behind a large stone column, only metres away from where the fighting took place. Sadie tried not to listen too hard to the details.

"We're in position," Natasha said, over the comms.

"I'm going in," Tony said, to Sadie, and she nodded.

He rushed forward, taking cover behind another pillar, and pulling on an iron glove. If Sadie hadn't learned so much from Tony over their work together, she would have thought the nanotech glove was pulled out of thin air. She watched as Tony ran forward, replacing his spot behind the second pillar, as she felt the reverberations of sonic waves, followed by a flashing light.

Sadie glanced out from her hiding spot, watched Tony somehow survive a shot to the face as he traded blows with Barnes, before managing to remove the barrel of the gun. Sadie wasn't surprised to see it- it was common knowledge that Tony Stark knew his way around the mechanisms of a gun, but still, she wouldn't let this go on for too long.

Heaving a deep breath, Sadie bolted out from behind the pillar, reaching the pair just as Barnes rounded on Tony. Keeping her pace quick, she swept her foot under Barnes' in hopes to trip him as he sent Tony flying into a table- but she wasn't quite quick enough.

Her maneuver did nothing but give her an unstable base, and with one blow, Barnes was able to knock her to the ground. Before he could land another hit on her though, she leapt to her feet, kicked him clean in the jaw before sending blasts of blue light his way.

He dodged blow after blow of her combative power, but Sadie was able to channel her power into her glowing fist, letting it collide with his centre of gravity and knocking him to the ground. Within milliseconds, though, there was a cold metal grip around Sadie's fist, and Barnes pulled her down with him as he fell, twisting so he was atop of her, and he pulled- hard.

There was a searing pain in Sadie shoulder as she heard a crunch, and there were spots in her vision for a moment, until Barnes' mass was forced off her and a blur of blonde told her Sharon Carter was on the attack.

Groaning, Sadie attempted to pull herself to her feet, only to realise she had little movement in her right arm. Bringing her left hand to her shoulder, she noticed it was positioned bizarrely- a large bump protruding from it. A dislocation.

"Shit, Sadie, that arm isn't looking so good," the voice was Tony, beside her now, looking like he was still recovering. "Heal it."

She glanced back up at the fight to see Natasha was taking on Barnes now, and he was still relentless. Sadie threw up her good arm, casting a forcefield between Natasha and Barnes. She kept track of the fight, constantly changing the shape of the forcefield, allowing Natasha's blows and kicks out, but keeping Barnes from getting in.

"Can't. Gotta help Nat," Sadie said, through gritted teeth. "Tony I need you to pop it back in."

"I can't do that," he replied, quickly, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes in favour of watching the fight, and keeping Natasha's forcefield effective.

"You've got to. Grab my wrist," she said, flexing her elbow, and rotating her arm best she could. "You just gotta push it up, and then push by wrist towards my stomach."

"If I mess this up you can't sue me," Tony said, taking hold of her wrist and elbow.

"If you can fix a car, you can fix an arm, Tony," Sadie said, quickly. "It's called biomechanics for a reason-"

"I don't fix cars-"

"Whatever!" Sadie snapped. It looked like Natasha was gaining footing against Barnes.

"Do it!"

"Fine!" Tony shouted back, pushing her arm forcefully, and suddenly.

_CRACK!_

_"Fuck!"_ Sadie felt a burn as the joint popped back into place, and she cried out in pain- her forcefield falling as she lost all concentration. She was vaguely aware of lashing out against Tony's chest, as the pain took over for a moment, before it was replaced with the dull throbbing and relief of a restabled joint.

By the time Sadie was able to process her surroundings, T'Challa had already taken off after Barnes, and the pair were out of sight. Tony pulled her to her feet, and they sprinted forward in the direction they'd gone, a winded Natasha and Sharon in tow.

All they found, was T'Challa, alone, and frustrated.

They'd lost him.

Sadie didn't stay for long- in fact she didn't stay for any longer than ten seconds as the team gathered themselves, and she made no excuses as she left, and nobody bothered to follow. She had only one thing on her mind.

Where was Steve?

Dialling his number in vain, she retraced her steps, desperate for a sign of him. Sadie tried hard to think where they'd last been together, where she had last seen- had it been the surveillance room? The hall?

Her stomach twisted more and more with every step she took, the pain in her shoulder dulled for lack of attention. Sadie only set her cracked phone in her pocket when she spotted Sam outside of one of the exits, and she wasted no time in getting to him.

"You been fighting in your red bottoms?" Sam asked as she approached from down the hall. Sadie rolled her eyes, glancing down at her scratched heels.

"These were new," she panted as she slowed her jog to a halt.

"Looking for Barnes?" Sam questioned, and she shook her head.

"Barnes is the last person I wanna see right now," Sadie said. "I'm looking for Steve. You seen him?"

"He's probably fine-"

"Probably?"

"Cap can stand his own ground," Sam assured her, and she shook her head. Of course he was right, she knew it. Didn't stop her worrying.

"What the hell happened?" she asked, rhetorically. "Barnes made a complete one-eighty. And that power cut?"

"It's the psychiatrist," Sam said, bluntly, and although she was shocked to hear it, she was unsurprised. "I don't know what he did, but he was the only one left standing in that bunker, and he ran. Innocent men don't run."

"That might be so, but I think you're going to have to," Sadie blurted. "Steve, too, when you find him."

"What?" he asked, shock written all over his face.

Sadie ran a hand over her face, took as deep a breath as she could. Now was time to think rationally- what could they do about this situation? There wasn't a lot. But there was still some steps.

"They're going to pin this on the two of you," she said. "Especially since neither of you stayed in the office like you were supposed to. I'm starting to think this is a lot bigger than just the Accords, Sam. And the rest of us are going to be slow to respond to... whatever this is, because of the Accords. You and Steve are the only ones not bound to it."

"So, you regret signing your life away, is that it?" Sam asked, and she tried hard not to snap at him.

"I regret that I had to wait for an 'okay' to treat patients in Vienna," Sadie explained. "And as a result, people died."

The look on Sam's face was so incredibly offensive- clear smug satisfaction, a visible _I told you so_. But she was grateful, when he didn't tease her any further.

"You don't worry about Steve," Sam said. "I'll find him. See if you can talk some of that new found sense into Stark and Romanoff. I'll give you our location on a burner once we're secure."

~

"If there's anything I've learned in the last twenty four hours," Sadie began after she, Tony and Natasha had been lectured yet again by the Secretary of State. "It's that if we wait for officials to let us do our jobs, we will _always_ be too late. We have to act now."

The tension in the meeting room was impossibly thick, and Sadie was the only one to speak immediately after Secretary Ross' exit. She sat firmly where she was, her right arm in a sling from her previous injury, which would burn now if it weren't for the ice pack she held against it.

Sadie considered healing it herself, but concluded it was a minor injury and not worth the energy it would take, despite it being an easy job. She would heal it, only if it was necessary to use her arm again.

"Your theory on Broussard is conspiracy rhetoric," Tony said, rubbing his temples. "We need to focus on the task at hand. Thirty six hours to bring them in."

"You realise that'd be damning them?" Sadie asked, unable to believe that Tony was truly willing to sell out their friends. It was one thing to disagree on the Accords, another to arrest their friends.

"What's the alternative?" Natasha said. "Have them shot dead by some kill squad?"

"We reach out, as friends," Sadie said. "That way, we don't need thirty six hours to find them, we only need ten minutes. Then, we use the remaining time to do what we're supposed to do, and work as a team. Get to the bottom of this all. Find Broussard, find out what happened to Barnes-"

"What happened to Barnes, is that he tried to shoot me in the face!" Tony snapped, and Sadie could've flinched for how he sat up. "He tried to pull _your_ arm off, and he tried to crush Nat's trachea! You get the symptoms of all that, don't you Doc? Natasha?"

"He was trying to kill us," Nat deadpanned.

"And clearly there's only one way around that," Sadie reasoned, trying not to move her arm in its sling. "That's to work with Steve again. He's the only person Barnes will cooperate with!"

"Sadie," Nat said, carefully. She hesitated before she spoke again, seemingly searching for the right words. "We realise that this is a... conflict of interest, for you more than either of us. But we have to set all of that to the side."

Sadie would have laughed at that if she wasn't so insulted. It didn't look like Natasha was about to take it back, and what was worse, is that it looked like Tony agreed.

"What is this?" she asked them, bluntly, standing from her seat.

"Sadie-"

"No," she said, firmly. "What exactly is it that you're suggesting?"

"Your relationship with Steve is clouding your judgement," Tony said, and that was when Sadie laughed. Loudly and bitterly. "It's not a bad thing! I couldn't stand against Pepper in something like this-"

"Except, I did stand against him," Sadie snapped. "I stood against him, and I stood by _you!_ Despite what it meant for my relationship, despite knowing how it hurt him. Because I thought the Accords were the right call."

"They are right call," Natasha said, firmly.

"But there are people dead that I could've saved," she argued. "You were there, you saw it! And there's a guilty man now, getting away because of the same interference. I can't stand by it."

"Then go home, Sadie," Tony said, not unkindly. "You don't have to do any of it. You can get back to your projects, back to your mom. We won't drag you through this."

The thought was tempting, especially when she thought of Shan. How easy it would be for her to change her mind, hop on a flight and get back to her dear mother who she missed so much. But could she face her, knowing who she had turned her back on?

"I can't be complacent," Sadie said, pushing off against the hardwood of the table. "I can't just go back to work."

"What happened to being a doctor first?" Natashe asked, and Sadie sucked in a breath.

"I... I'm not just a doctor, anymore," she said. "I'm an Avenger, too."

"Sadie," Tony said, a look of realisation over his face as he stood, crossing the room to her. "Tell me you don't know where they are."

She stood firm, despite the way her heart hurt to keep information from her friends, and the betrayal on Tony's face. She tried not to think about whether they would be able to work together after this. She desperately hoped so. Sadie only kept her poker face.

"I don't know where they are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Sadie's transition from "Team Tony" to "Team Cap" made sense, and was organic. I hope nobody's too disappointed with that choice. The main point I wanted to make with this arc is that Sadie isn't pro or anti-Accords purely based on what Steve believes- with her being a data minded character, it made sense for her to sign the Accords, and it hopefully makes sense for her to change her mind on them now, too!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	36. Lovers' Quarrels

Steve never liked waiting. It made him think of the days when he was younger, and smaller, and his mother would make him wait for the snow to melt before he could go out. Waiting for the snow could take days, so he waited for Bucky instead, and his friend would take his time to arrive back with cards and crayons and news of everything he'd missed.

Now, Steve was waiting for Bucky once more- waiting for him to wake up, waiting to see if he'd attack them all over again.

And he was waiting for Sadie too, to see if she'd come and help them as she'd agreed with Sam, and to see if she'd managed to persuade Tony and Natasha, too. Steve wasn't as hopeful about that last assumption.

He spotted her crossing the parking lot, after nearly thirty minutes of waiting.

Steve wanted to rush out to meet her, but there were already helicopters overhead and he knew their best bet was to stay put in this warehouse for now. And if he was honest with himself, he wasn't at all sure that this was the time for romance, not after everything that had happened.

Not after what she'd chosen. To stand directly against him, although he'd never had a problem with that. He wanted to be with an individual, with independent thought and action, and that's what Sadie was.

But it had hurt, how she'd been so cruel about it, so sharp and unsympathetic to see him arrested. How he'd had to practically beg her to help him with Bucky, and how after she did, she walked right by him without even a look back.

Sadie walked fast enough to reach him quickly, yet not so fast as to attract the attention of the watch. He noticed her right arm was in a sling against the white of her blouse, her tights laddered beneath her skirt- it was clear as day she'd been fighting. It didn't take much for Steve to guess who.

Despite his confliction, and his hurt, he kissed her as soon as she was near him. When they parted, there was clear regret in her eyes.

"I tried to get your things," Sadie started, with a sigh. "But they had my privileges revoked."

"It's okay. Sharon reached out, she's going to get them to us in the morning," he said.

Sharon, who he never had to beg for help- who he never even had to ask. And who, for reasons so clear to him now, reminded him so much of Peggy. Abruptly, he pushed the thought from his head, ashamed to even think of the comparison. To compare Sadie to Sharon, and Sharon to Peggy- it wasn't respectful at all, to any of them.

Sadie seemed none the wiser.

"As far as Tony and Nat are concerned, I'm on my way back to New York," she said, quietly.

"No chance, then?" Steve asked, unsurprised, but disappointed when she shook her head.

"How are you?" she asked him, gently.

"I'm okay," he said, truthfully. Despite it all, he wasn't injured, if not a little shaken. And perhaps his arms were a little sore from attempting to ground that helicopter- he'd leave out that detail, however proud he was.

"And what about us?" Sadie asked. "How are we?"

Steve didn't answer her- there wasn't any answer that would be accurate. He didn't know how they were. He only knew that he was... betrayed? Not betrayed, they'd agreed about her stance on things. But he was _angry_ , he truly was, and he worried if he said a single thing it'd all spill out.

He didn't want it to spill out. Because whether he was angry or not, there was nothing Steve wanted more than Sadie Moore. So when she stepped closer and rested her head on his shoulder, Steve didn't step away, although the devil on his shoulder would have liked him to.

But he didn't hold her either.

Sadie seemed to notice this, so she stepped back, tentatively. She looked down at her heels, suddenly very interested in the scuff marks.

"What happened to your arm?" Steve asked, because he couldn't think of what else to say. But he knew. The Winter Soldier happened.

"You want a medical report?" Sadie asked.

"Actually, yes," Steve admitted. He wasn't reassured by her sling, or her ice-pack, and he wondered why she hadn't healed it- was it because she couldn't, like Paris?

"Full dislocation of the glenohumeral joint, reduced at the scene by... non-medical personnel, but there's no sign of tissue damage," Sadie started, finally looking up at him. "Treatment going forward, ice and immobilisation- patient has been given an elevated sling for this effect."

"Anything I can do?"

"Hmm," she mused, stroking her chin with her free hand. "Prevention going forward- avoid the wrath of the Winter Soldier."

"That sounds like a plan," Steve agreed. Whether they could stick to it, was another issue.

"Long term treatment is a weekly massage," she added, with a laugh.

There was a hopeful look in her eye- she was really trying, he could tell. To break this ice, to bridge the gap. All he had to do was let her.

"I feel like I'm being tricked here, but fine," Steve meant to say it good naturedly.

But her smile fell, and he supposed he'd failed. Anyone else, and they'd have not thought twice past his joke. But he'd never been able to hide his true feelings when it came to her.

"Patient has full range of motion and reflexes are in full effect," Sadie continued. "Estimated recovery time-"

"Until Sadie Moore decides she's worth healing," Steve sighed, and she turned away. "When it's you hurt, you leave it that way for hours or days. You don't hesitate at all with the rest of us. And you waste no time when it's me."

"That's because you're... because I..." Sadie's speech trailed off for a second, as if she had no argument. She still didn't turn around to let him see her face. "Because you're important to me."

Steve didn't like the suggestion of that. Was she not important too? Sometimes he wished he had her power, just for a moment, so he could do for her what she always did for him, what she wouldn't do for herself.

He hated to see her injured. It was easy for him to forget that Sadie was as fragile as any human, so easy to forget when he knew the power that she held and the strength of her mind. But when she was hurt, it was the worst reminder.

That she wasn't like him. And that gave him a responsibility, even if she was strong, even if she didn't need him.

"I _will_ heal it," she said, finally turning back to face him. "When I need it. But these abilities- they feel like a well. And it's deeper than it was two years ago, it's much more full and I don't burn out so easy but... I'm afraid that it'll run out. I gotta save my strength."

"Okay," Steve said, despite his dissatisfaction. He would rather she wasn't hurt at all.

He didn't know when he closed the gap between them, but he had. And now he found himself placing a kiss on Sadie's exposed clavicle, as if that could undo her injury. It couldn't, but he wished it could.

Still, he lingered there, her familiar perfume blending with the salt of the fight, yet somehow it was sweeter to him than anything. Her skin, like earth in colour and sentiment, anchored him against the madness of the world. And suddenly it all felt unimportant. The Accords, the psychiatrist, the absence of their friends, and the price of it all.

And then the moment was gone again, and reality hit him once more. The snaking feeling of betrayal and anger in his gut, even though he knew he had nothing to feel betrayed or angry about.

Even though he loved her, he couldn't look at her. So he turned away.

"Steve," Sadie said. "I'm sorry I risked us."'

He hated that even the sound of his name in her voice drove him mad.

Her voice was strained, but he knew she wasn't crying. He knew she wasn't brought to tears easily, no matter how much she hurt, because Sadie simply wouldn't let herself, not if she had any other choice. She wasn't unlike him, in that way.

He hated that they were so alike, that they were both so stubborn, and that's what started this rift.

"You did your best," he tried, through gritted teeth. "Now, I know you'll tell me what you think. And we should be stronger for it."

"It doesn't sound like you think we are," she said, gravely. "Steve, you're important to me."

"You keep saying that, but all of two hours ago you had different priorities," Steve snapped, shocked even at himself. "Two hours ago you put me in an office, and you told me to stay put like a child. You walked right by me and you didn't care."

"What was I supposed to do?" Sadie asked. There was a fire in her eyes where resignation previously lived.

"I don't know, hear me out?" he started. "Stand up for me? Anything but, but-"

Steve wanted to stop himself, he truly did. He wanted to shut up, and not say a word, but his anger was almost as strong as his love was and he couldn't stand it any longer. The devil on his shoulder had won.

"Anything but what?" Sadie said, strongly, stepping right up to his face.

"Anything but be so cold."

_"You_ were cold, _I_ was professional!"

"You were _cold_ , Sadie," Steve repeated. "And cruel, and mean, and treated me like-"

"Oh, here we go," she laughed, throwing her hands up. "Well, if you're going to behave like a child then of course I'll treat you like one!"

"-like a second class citizen! When you're supposed to treat me like your partner," he said, and she fell quiet.

"Is that what I did? Really?" she asked him.

His red hot anger had faded, given way to a cold blue hurt. But it burned the same- worse, even. Deep in his gut like he'd been doused in gasoline.

"You didn't care until that doctor did... whatever he did to Bucky," he said. "You didn't care until I was right."

"Steve, I don't take back anything I said, or did," Sadie said, slowly. "You could've done things so differently. You could've come to me when you were in Vienna- and I _know_ you were in Vienna. Nat figured it out. So I have plenty to be mad at you for. Going to Bucharest without warning me- without seeing if I could help? It's the biggest disrespect."

The fire in his gut burned worse at that, hurt and anger combining and it was painful, so painful he didn't trust himself to say much else. But still, his mouth was like a motor he wasn't in control of.

"I had to _beg_ you to help me," Steve said, quietly. He couldn't get the image out of his head. Sadie standing there, looking down on him, so unwilling to do anything for him until he basically got on his knees.

And she was still like that, it seemed, as she answered, "I didn't have to help you. I don't have to be here right now."

"You don't have to help me," Steve agreed. "But we're supposed to _want_ to help each other."

Then Sam called his name, and Steve knew the second part of his wait was over.

"That's Bucky," he said, and Sadie tensed visibly. "We have him in a vice. It'll be fine."

"Alright," she said. "But forgive me if I keep a field up the entire time."

~

_"I'm not the only Winter Soldier..."_

Sadie put it all out of her head, didn't let herself think for a moment of how scared she was. She wasn't afraid of Bucky, not after hearing his story, and how everything made sense. But she was afraid of facing these other Winter Soldiers, and she was even more scared of facing Tony, and Nat, and Rhody. Their friends.

And above all else, she was mostly afraid of jail.

Instead of letting herself worry, she left Steve, Sam and Bucky to decide on their getaway vehicle- a topic of much debate, and not one Sadie was willing to join in with. She'd had enough debate with Steve, earlier, and she still felt terrible for it.

They'd both said things they didn't mean. But they were both too stubborn to take it back. The only thing she wanted to do now, was to speak with her mother, check in with Shan Moore and see how she was.

It had been three days since Sadie spoke to her. Simply too long.

"How's chemo?" Sadie asked, holding her phone to her ear. "I'm sorry I can't be there."

"Adrianne has been taking care of me, don't worry," Shan assured her. "I saw your text, and the news. It's awful what happened in Vienna."

"I know," Sadie agreed. "I couldn't even treat anyone. Those Accords stopped me."

"You've changed your mind?" Shan asked her. "Is that wise?"

"I'll be honest, Mom," she sighed. "It's not. It's really not. But it's what's right."

"Your boyfriend's all over the news," Shan teased. "I hope you're staying out of trouble, Shelly-girl."

"Look who you're talking to," Sadie laughed. "But don't think you can avoid the original question! How's chemo?"

"It was how it always is. It's chemo," Shan said, a certain tiredness in her voice.

"Tumour still shrinking?"

"Shell, I think..." her mother hesitated, and Sadie's heart dropped. Not a straight yes. Bad news. "When will you be home?"

"As soon as possible," Sadie said, quickly. "I can come home, right now, if you need me, Mom. You say the word."

"No," Shan said, firmly. "Finish whatever business you have in Europe. Something tells me this is world-changing stuff."

"It is," Sadie said. "For everybody else. For me; _you're_ my world. And if something's changed with you, if you need help-"

"I have help," her mother said. "I told you, Adrianne is taking very special care of me. The kids bring me presents, and Jamie brought me churrasco yesterday evening."

"Beef or lamb?" Sadie asked, curiously.

Shan scoffed, as if the answer was obvious. "Beef, of course."

"Okay," Sadie nodded. "They're taking care of you."

"Yes, I've only said it fifty times!"

"I'll hurry home though," Sadie assured her. "As soon as I can, I'll be home. I love you."

"I love you too, Shell," Shan said. "I'll see you."

Her mother hung up the phone quickly, no doubt to avoid Sadie's mounting questions. The silence didn't mean that her questions evaporated though, and Sadie didn't know how long she stood in thought, the worst case scenarios playing in her head.

What if Shan wasn't eating well enough because of her chemo? What if Adrianne and Jamie didn't have time to look after her any more? What if her mother coded while she was away, and they lost her? What if she-

"We agreed on the Beetle."

Sadie was snapped out of her thoughts as Steve approached from the other side of the warehouse. She turned away from him briefly, to wipe away her tears before facing him again, humming in response. He didn't seem to notice- or maybe he didn't care.

"We didn't agree on jack-" Sam's voice called from behind the wall, his sentence cut off abruptly, but it didn't take Sadie much to guess what he would've said.

"I called shotgun for you," Steve continued, ignoring Sam's statement. "Unless you want to drive."

"Shotgun is fine," Sadie said.

He crossed the room to her, his hands in his pockets as if he had something to say. She raised her eyebrows, and he sighed. Instead of using words, it seemed, Steve just pulled her close to him, as if the thoughts would transfer by osmosis. Sadie let him hold her, but when he moved to kiss her, but she turned her head, offering her cheek instead.

_A second class citizen,_ he'd said she'd treated him. Called her cruel and suggested she didn't want to help him. And she'd done nothing to dispute him, but argue back, and prove his point.

Steve didn't take her offer to kiss her cheek, instead he tried to catch her lips again. When she buffered a second time, he stepped away, respectfully.

"You don't want me to kiss you right now," Sadie said, quietly.

"Except I do," Steve said, his brow knitted.

"Except you don't, you just think it's what we should do because we fought," she said. "Or maybe that's the advice your boys gave you. Right? Kiss and make up?"

"What's wrong?" he asked her, and she raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that. There's something wrong besides me. Besides all of this."

"I don't see what it matters," Sadie said, quietly. Steve stepped closer again, took her hands in his.

"Tell me," he said, so sincere in contrast to earlier. "Let's just forget about it all, for a second. Just tell me what's wrong, like you would if none of us had ever left New York."

Sadie rubbed a hand over her face, heaved a breath and willed herself not to cry, not while Sam and Bucky were next door.

"I just got off the phone with my mom," she said, keeping her voice low.

"How is she?" Steve asked, and she wished she knew the real answer to that.

"I think things are getting worse with her," Sadie explained, her chest tight from it all. "So it's hard for me to... be happy about anything. Especially when she's on her own."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No," she said quickly. "If it's true what Bucky said about Serbia, we have to get there. And we have to have as many hands on deck as we can. All of the team we can get."

"Clint and Wanda are on their way to Atlanta as we speak, they'll be here in the morning," Steve explained, casually.

"Atlanta?" Sadie repeated. "What's in Atlanta?"

"Sam said you met him," he shrugged, before grimacing slightly. "The... _Ant-Man?"_

"That guy?" she asked in surprise.

"I hate to judge," Steve said, a smile curling at his lips. "But he sort of sounds ridiculous."

Sadie couldn't help but laugh at how he said, as she shook her head. "He _is_ ridiculous. But he's good, I guess. Certainly has the element of surprise. And oddly good humour for a fight."

"You fought him?"

"Sam didn't say?"

"He said he heard about him through the grapevine," he said, an eyebrow raised. "What happened?"

"I swore to never tell a soul," she said, with a smile.

"But you'll tell me?"

"It's embarrassing for both of us-"

"Even more reason to tell!"

"Steve, whether you like it or not, you're sort of our boss," Sadie argued. "And neither of us wanna look anything short of brilliant in our yearly reviews."

"He won, didn't he?" Steve deadpanned, and Sadie tried hard to keep her poker face. He saw right through it though, she supposed, because suddenly Steve was laughing, and so was she.

"It was a friendly fight," she insisted, nudging him in the ribs as she leaned into him.

"Sure," he laughed. "A _friendly_ fight with a stranger? I'll believe that when I see it! I don't think I've ever seen a friendly fight between-"

Steve cut himself short, then, and their laughter stopped abruptly. There was suddenly an overhanging of dread, as the two of them thought about the fight that was likely to take place the next day.

And it wasn't the one against the Winter Soldiers that worried them most.

"I've never seen a friendly fight between friends," Steve finished, turning away.

"We can do this differently," Sadie said, racking her brain for another solution.

"How?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "But we don't have to be so hard-headed. Not everything has to end in a fight- we could negotiate! Tell them that after we finish this, we'll hand ourselves in."

"We're not handing ourselves in," Steve laughed, facing her again.

"Why?"

"Because we're not in the wrong," He said, simply. Sadie only stared at him. "Oh... you still think we are."

"I never said that," she sighed. "But if you want to put it that way... I think we're in the wrong way of dealing with this. And let's be honest, we're looking at jail time here. So if we negotiate, maybe we can come to some sort of deal."

"How long will you be on the fence about all this?"

"Until something makes sense!"

"Well," Steve sighed. "For better or for worse, the responsibility of making the plans falls on me."

"Says who?"

"Says _you,"_ he shot back. "Just two seconds ago."

She supposed she did say so, and it wasn't untrue when she said that Steve was the 'boss.' But she hadn't meant it that way, and he knew that.

"We really can't say anything to each other, huh?" Sadie sighed, and she could've sworn he looked regretful. "We have to look past this, and think about our future. We can't go on like there's no tomorrow because there _is_ a tomorrow and we're going to have to face it."

Steve didn't answer that, and if she wasn't so annoyed, Sadie would have been relieved that he didn't. Instead he just stood there, his jaw clenched and his hands on his belt- so much like Captain _fucking_ America she could have screamed right then.

Sadie didn't scream. Instead she asked, "Where are we sleeping tonight?"

"Here," he said, plainly.

She did a double take. "Here?"

"There's cars," Steve replied, gesturing to the rest of the warehouse, behind the divide of the wall. "Pick one."

"We're sleeping in cars?" Sadie asked, still shocked to hear it, and shocked that she seemed to be the only one out of the two of them to find it strange.

"Bucky's having the sedan and Sam's having the Range Rover," he continued, casually. "You can pick between the pickup and the Beetle. Something tells me you'll go with the pick up."

"How do we know nobody's going to come in to work in the morning and we won't be lying here like sitting ducks?"

"We're fugitives now, Sadie," Steve reminded her. "We don't get five star hotels, even if that is what we've gotten used to. So yes, we're sleeping in cars."

The devil on her shoulder told her that what he'd said was somehow an insult, that she should challenge it. But her eyes were heavy and so was her heart. She was tired of fighting.

Steve looked guilty. Sadie had no clue whether he was guilty about their less than ideal sleeping arrangements, or their arguments. It can't have been the arguments, she concluded, because if it was, he'd do something o fix that fact.

"I'm taking the first watch," he said, and she nodded.

"I'm going to settle down," Sadie sighed. "You can come and join me later. If you can stand it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES. Stadie are struggling. I think this might be the most accurate chapter title of the entire story. I had this chapter written that they were the perfect couple, and Steve immediately forgave her, and she forgave him, and it just felt wrong and inaccurate. Unrealistic.
> 
> Hopefully not too out of character on Steve's part, although I really don't think it is. He argued with practically everybody else in that movie, Idk why he wouldn't fight with Sadie 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️ hopefully through their narratives though, you can see that they really don't want to be so horrible, but theyre so freaking hurt and I can't blame them tbh!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!  
> -Amber.


	37. Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed up the timeline a little to allow for an extra night between Berlin and the airport battle. For reasons that will become clearer later in the story, I thought it was important to let Stadie have some more tender moments together.

Sadie dreamt of explosions that night.

Sokovia, and Lagos, and Vienna, and everything in between it all.

Steve had warned her this would happen. In her early days as an Avenger, before they were together. He’d fallen asleep on her couch, twenty minutes into a historical drama they were supposed to be watching.

She’d let him sleep until it’s over, Sadie had decided. It was her fault anyway- she’d been playing with his hair in a way she should have known would send anyone to sleep, letting blue light stream from her palm. It had begun as a remedy for his headache, but the poor guy deserved to relax, she thought; he worked so hard.

That was the first time she realised Steve Rogers was a _very_ light sleeper. Every time she lifted her hand from his head, he shifted horribly, leaving her no choice but to resume her gentle touch.

Then, a while later, he jumped to his feet, suddenly awake in a cold sweat. His eyes darted around the shadows of the room until he determined there was no threat, and then he sat down again like it was routine. The only explanation offered was a simple mumbling of the word _“nightmare.”_

 _“It’s part of the job,”_ Steve had said to her, when she pressed it further. _“You have things to battle with when the battle’s over. It’s the unglamorous part all the press leave out.”_

So Sadie dreamt of explosions that night in Berlin.

But she couldn’t wake herself up from it like Steve had. Instead, she was trapped in a dream, illusion and memory twisting into something unfathomable, and she was trapped, running.

She was woken instead by a change in the air, but no noise to go with it. Sadie opened eyes to notice Steve settling into the driver’s seat of the truck. She had known without looking that it was him who had woken her, despite his stealth and his quietness, and the lack of light.

A sixth sense that sharpened just for him.

For a moment, Sadie wondered, sleepily and deliriously, where it came from. What sort of connection this was, that even when she was furious with him, Steve’s presence was all it took to wake her from the entrapment of her nightmare.

Then, as she did with all things, Sadie narrowed it down to logic. It was nothing more than ordinary. Familiarity. She knew it was Steve before she saw him, yes, but she knew it the same way she knew her way around her home in the dark. She knew his breathing, and his movements, his… energy.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Steve whispered. “Go back to sleep, doll.”

His voice was too tender, after all their arguments of the day. So he _could_ stand it then. To spend the night with her despite the passive aggression between them previously.

In the heavy haze of nightfall, and the heavy daze of drowsiness, Sadie forgot her anger, her tiredness, and was reminded only of her care for him. She reached for him, sleepily, catching his hand in the dark, squeezing it tightly.

“It’s okay. I had a dream,” she mumbled. “Thanks for getting me out of there.”

“Where were you?” he asked, his voice low and velvet. She couldn’t see his face, only the silhouette of him in the dark.

“I… don’t remember,” Sadie said, grasping for the memory to no avail, her eyes falling shut again.

“Where’s your blouse?” Steve asked, and she could hear his frown. “This place isn’t clean.”

“I didn’t want to get it dirty, it’s all I have to wear tomorrow,” she sighed, still hardly awake, even as he tucked a thick material around her vest top. She knew only from the cologne that it was his jacket. “Are we friends again?”

“I hope not,” Steve chuckled, as he zipped the jacket up for her. “Being friends with you was torture, since I liked you so much. But I am sorry. I want to move past this.”

“This is a high stress time,” Sadie sighed. Her eyes had adjusted now, and she could just about make out his face. “And I’ve been… very critical. Overly critical. Of you, and your choices. However dumb they are.”

A raised eyebrow, and a deep laugh. “That’s your idea of an apology, Dr Moore?”

There was some thickness to his question, some suggestion in his tone or expectation, that suddenly had her feeling much more alert than a moment earlier.

“I’m not so good at saying I’m sorry, Captain Rogers,” Sadie chuckled, pulling him toward her by his cotton shirt. “I’m much better at showing it. Let me show you.”

She kissed him deeply then, as Steve pulled her into his lap, and it was astonishing- even as she was in it- how quickly they fell into their roles. How his hands snaked up the small of her back, hot under the material of her vest, and the jacket he’d just given her. How hers found their way into his hair and- they glowed, of course. They glowed like they always did when he kissed her like this, when he touched her like this.

“I’ll always want to help you,” Sadie panted, after he caught her bottom lip between his teeth, moved his attention to the sensitive spot behind her jaw. “You call, I’ll come running, you know that. Even if I’m on the other side of the globe, I’d do it for you, baby. I’d do anything for you- for _us.”_

“That’s a much better version,” Steve said, his voice gruff in her ear as he pulled her up closer against his torso and her skirt was both terribly convenient and agitating at the same time. “Much better. But I’m still going to have you take you up on your offer.”

“My offer?” she asked, with a laugh, despite knowing exactly what he was referring to.

“To show me how sorry you are,” Steve said. “And I’ll show you how sorry I am, too.”

“Oh, that sounds good,” Sadie smiled, kissing his lips again. “Fuck apologies.”

Their kiss was all heat and teeth against skin and he made her feel so fucking young, and invigorated, and spirited, when the weight of life made her feel decades older, and tireder, and low. She’d missed this. She’d missed him, and it hadn’t even been a week since they were together this way.

Still, Sadie didn’t know what she’d do if she was ever apart from him a minute more in her entire life.

“Fuck apologies,” Steve muttered in agreement, the warmth of his sighs stronger than the glow of her hands in the places she knew he needed her. “And fuck fighting too.”

~

Sadie didn’t dream of any more explosions that night.

It certainly wasn’t the most comfortable sleep she’d ever had. The car seats were scratchy beneath their skin, and the lack of a car battery left them to rely only on shared body heat. But she didn’t have a single nightmare more, and neither did Steve, it seemed.

The couple slept soundly until they were woken by the morning light, and Sam’s wake up call- sixteen minutes before they had to leave and meet Sharon at their rendezvous point.

Six minutes, and what did Sadie have with her? Some things to brush her teeth with that Sam had snuck out to get, but no comb or oil for her tangled hair- she could thank Steve for that. No makeup to cover the marks he’d left on her skin, so she buttoned her blouse high and tight and hoped nobody would notice, or at least nobody would comment. 

She didn’t mind the small inconvenience- it only wasn’t fair that any marks she’d made on _him_ would have healed by now. Sadie debated healing her own, but she had already healed her arm, so she didn’t want to be wasteful.

That may have just been an excuse.

She was only grateful that the warehouse had a bathroom with running water so that she could at least wash her face, and freshen up slightly. Sadie hoped desperately that they could have all of this done within twenty-four hours, and that she could at least get a shower after the end of it all. She missed her home routine.

In that sense, she supposed sixteen minutes was more than enough time, as there was nothing for them to do but leave.

Sadie was first in the car, as she was the first to use the bathroom, and so she settled herself into the passenger seat of the Beetle, pulled her seat up as best she could without crushing her knees. Times like these, Sadie wished she was smaller.

Curious and bored, she opened up the glovebox to see what treasures she might find and- _yes!_ She’d hit the jackpot. An old fisherman’s hat that Sadie wasn’t sure she could guess the age of, but she figured her hair wasn’t going to be combed or braided any time soon, so she dusted off the headwear and pulled it on.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. This was the one time in her life that she actually missed the dreaded headpiece of her Aceso uniform. But it did the job. That was one piece of evidence from last night dealt with.

Sadie was pulled out of her elation by a knock on her door- Sam, leaning over the car, with a frown on his face. She shifted her blouse quickly, and cracked open the door just enough to hear him.

“You’re really going to do this to me?” Sam sighed. “You’re really taking shotgun?”

“Yes,” Sadie said, trying to hold back her grin. “Why don’t you drive? You could drive.”

“Steve’s driving,” Sam said. “And he won’t compromise.”

She cracked a smile then. “Neither will I. Now, are you getting in the car, or are you getting in the car?”

Bucky joined them next, Sam still grumbling about having to share the backseat until Steve arrived and told them both to suck it up- the drive wouldn’t be so long.

That was a lie, Sadie discovered, after twenty minutes of following the GPS in what seemed to be a circle. They were beyond late, and Bucky, out of all of them, seemed the least frustrated by it all.

“This city,” he said, to no one in particular, as Sadie cross referenced the GPS route with the map she held in her hands. “It’s changed so much.”

“You should see New York,” Steve chuckled, tapping against the wheel.

“This is the bridge!” Sadie said, as she finally found their spot on the map. “We should be under this, not over it.”

“No, that can’t be right,” Steve frowned, glancing quickly at the map. “You sure you’re reading that right?”

“I’m sure,” Sadie said, rolling her eyes. “Pull off at the next chance.”

“I could’ve sworn-”

“Cap, she’s right, you’re wrong,” Sam said from behind her, gesturing to their spot on the map. “Pull off.”

“Thank you, Sam,” Sadie smiled, happily, pulling a tongue at Steve who only smiled and rolled his eyes as he followed their instructions.

“You’re welcome, Sadie,” Sam replied, in a manner somewhat unnatural for him. “You wanna swap with me after the next stop?”

“The offer is tempting… But no. Nice try.”

When they finally got to their rendezvous point, none of them were surprised to see an SUV already parked, a glimpse of blonde hair in the driver’s seat. Steve turned to the group, an eyebrow raised.

“Who’s coming out?” he asked, eliciting a loud laugh from Sam.

“Like I can _move,”_ he said, and Sadie felt his knee pushing pressure against her back.

She couldn’t reach him, but her power could, so she let some light whip out behind her, giving him a sharp nudge to lay off it. Steve turned to her, expectantly, and Sadie couldn’t help the grimace on her face.

“I don’t really know her,” she said, carefully. “And she doesn’t have anything for me. It’d be weird.”

“Bucky?”

“What Isadora said,” Bucky said, and Steve just shrugged in response, getting out of the car to meet Sharon.

The three of them fell into silence then, and Sadie was half expecting to hear another plea from Sam to switch seats, but instead she heard something she wouldn’t have guessed he’d say. Something they all knew, but no one had ever acknowledged.

"She's into him."

"Yeah,” Sadie said, because it was the only thing that was sensible, as she watched Sharon.

“You okay with that?" Sam asked, and she laughed awkwardly.

She’d noticed it yesterday, at the UN building, through all the glass in that office, how undeniable it was. When she was finished with Bucky on the sublevels and had wanted to fill in Steve, but the room was already occupied. Sadie hadn’t let herself think about it for too long, she’d pushed it out of her mind and assumed it was just her own insecurities.

But even now, Sadie could see it in Sharon Carter’s eyes, in her mannerisms, and if the window were open she would probably hear it in her voice. There was some feeling there.

She was ‘into him’, that much was clear.

“He's into me,” Sadie said, in response to Sam’s question, and her own observation, keeping her voice as nonchalant as she could.

"Wilson, _why_ are you meddling?" Bucky said, the harshest he’d spoken all morning and Sadie made sure to jump in before Sam argued back.

"It's okay,” she said. “I'm not threatened."

“Why would you be?” Sam said, quickly. “You’ve got no reason to be. You’re- I mean- you have nothing to worry about, Sadie.”

He was overcompensating so obviously and gracelessly that Sadie couldn’t help but laugh at his realised mistake, as she gave him a thumbs up.

“Thanks, Sam,” she said. “I appreciate it.”

There was silence again then, as Sadie dragged her eyes back to where Steve held his hand out to Sharon, who looked down at his, hesitant, before offering hers back in a handshake. Sadie almost felt sorry for the woman.

"She's Peggy Carter's niece,” Sam said, filling in the silence.

“What?” Bucky said, his shock apparently taking over his resolve not to ‘meddle.’ _“No.”_

"Yes,” Sam said, and Sadie rolled her eyes, opting not to add her opinions to the situation.

“And she's still into him?" Bucky said. “Isn’t he like a dinosaur to her by now?”

“Like you aren’t yourself,” Sam scoffed, before looking at Sadie with a stupid grin. “But I don’t know, Sadie. Is he a dinosaur?”

“Steve is _not_ a dinosaur.”

“I’m not judging,” he laughed. “You’re grown, you can make your own decisions. I’m just saying, it’s one hell of a gap-“

“Don’t try me, dipshit, I’m warning you,” Sadie said, glaring at Sam through the rear mirror, but her glare didn’t last for long since his smile was so infectious. “Anyway, let's quit gossiping about the poor woman. She saved my life yesterday and she’s brought your wings back, hasn’t she?”

There was no disputing it, not as Sharon and Steve unloaded the equipment right then, three large duffel bags and the shield. Then she sent a curt nod their way before moving to get back into her car. 

Sadie’s instinct was to send back cheerful wave, which she realised very quickly might not have been appropriate for the situation, so she let her hand drop. But Sharon smiled back, anyway, waving back.

"Alright, alright,” Sam said, shifting in his seat. “Now, move your seat up."

"No."

A frustrated groan. “Why are you shotgun anyway?"

"Because,” Bucky started. “I think Steve likes her better than either of us.”

That made Sadie laugh, but she didn’t know what to say to that, so she jumped out to ‘help Steve with the bags’ although they all knew he wouldn’t need it. Sharon was already pulling out by the time Sadie met Steve at the open boot of the Bug.

“That exchange went surprisingly smooth,” she said, passing him the second duffel bag, which was much heavier than she anticipated.

“We’re only lucky she didn’t want anything in return,” Steve said, taking the third bag, and Sadie refrained from mentioning that she wasn’t sure that Sharon _hadn’t_ wanted anything in return.

It was only Steve’s shield left to load so, desperate to switch the topic, Sadie slid it onto her arm, posing dramatically, and it was worth the stupidity for how he laughed at that.

"My gear isn't on this continent yet, so I might have to share yours,” Sadie grinned, as he pulled her close to him, the cool metal of the shield against her abdomen.

“As great as that looks on you,” he said. “I’m afraid you’d wear it better than I do and show me up. Can’t have that.”

“Flattery takes you everywhere,” she laughed, reaching up for a kiss. “But I’ll hand it back.”

The clunk of the shield against the boot was somewhat melodic as she released its weight, the sound not too different to what it was in the midst of conflict.

“So,” Sadie said, as a quiet settled over them. “Off to Leipzig?”

Steve heaved a breath then, his blue eyes dark and there was a heaviness behind them, a heaviness Sadie understood. He may have been willing to go into this fight, but it was clear as day that he would never have chosen it, not if he saw any other way.

“We don’t know that they’ll be there,” she tried, and he shook his head.

“They will,” Steve said. “They’ll be there. And it won’t be easy, there’s a lot of risk here. So if you want to get back to your mom-”

“I will get back to her,” Sadie sighed. “When this is all over. I’m standing by you on this, Steve. I won’t turn my back again. So. Off to Leipzig?”

“Off to Leipzig.”

~

Leipzig Airport seemed to be a ghost town. The multi-storey parking was full of cars, but no people coming in or out. The second leg of their drive wasn’t anywhere near as cheerful as their first, the entire group saying nothing, preparing themselves.

Sadie noticed that Steve took her hand at every chance he got. Stop lights, open roads- he steered with his left hand and only let go of hers to switch gears, and then he’d catch her hand again. Sadie didn’t mind, she actually rather adored it, she only wished they were driving under different circumstances.

She didn’t adore the process of getting out of the car, and Sam’s pathetic grumblings that he was ‘free’- she refrained from mentioning that through the whole drive, Bucky hadn’t complained once. But she was relieved to breathe fresh air.

Sadie was also beyond relief to see Wanda and Clint, especially looking so well. She hoped they would all stay that way.

“You know I wouldn't have called If I had any other choice,” Steve said, shaking Clint’s hand as Sadie crossed over to Wanda, pulling her friend into a tight hug.

“Hey man, you're doing me a favor,” Clint answered. “Besides, I owe a debt.”

“Thanks for having my back.”

“You alright?” she asked Wanda, gently. “You were pretty cut up last I saw you.”

“It was time to get off my ass,” Wanda said, with a nonchalant shrug that made her smile.

“How about our other recruit?” Steve asked, in reference to the apparently absent Scott Lang.

“He's raring to go,” Clint answered, pulling open the door of the van to reveal a sleeping man, who jumped awake- Sadie hardly recognised him out of his suit. “Had to put a little coffee in him, but… he should be good.”

“What timezone is this?” Scott Lang groaned, leaping out of the van only to look up, shocked, his eyes only on Steve.

“Come on,” Clint urged him, pushing him forward as Scott offered his hand.

“Captain America,” Scott said, his handshake frantic and his expression amazed. Sadie glanced over at Steve, bit back her laugh at his somewhat uncomfortable demeanour, same as it always was whenever he was recognised.

“Mr. Lang,” he said, politely.

“It's an honour. I'm shaking your hand too long,” Scott said, finally letting go and looking around at them. “Wow! This is awesome! Captain America!” A quick gesture towards Wanda, who was smiling just as Sadie was. “I know you, too. You're great!”

Sadie couldn’t help but bring her hand to her face then, unable to contain her grin but also afraid to make their newest addition feel embarrassed as she stepped back towards the car where Sam and Bucky stood. Embarrassment didn’t seem like an emotion Scott Lang comprehended though, and, to their surprise, he placed his hands on Steve’s shoulders.

“Jheez,” he muttered, and she _had_ to laugh then- annoyed at herself that she couldn’t keep her cool like the others.

“I know, right?” Sadie agreed, laughing even more at Steve’s sideways glance at her. Scott laughed too, nodding in her direction and for some reason, she found herself much more endeared to him than in their first, confusing encounter.

“Ah, look, I wanna say, I know you know a lot of super people, so... thinks for thanking of me,” Scott said, before turning fully in hers and Sam’s direction. “Hey, man- ma’am!”

“Hey, Ant-Man,” Sadie grinned, as Sam opted for the much more suave:

“What's up, Tic Tac?”

“Uh, good to see you both,” Scott said, awkwardly. “Look, what happened last time when I…”

“That humiliating affair,” Sadie said, rolling her eyes.

“It was a great audition,” Sam added. “But it'll... it'll never happen again.”

“They tell you what we're up against?” Steve asked Scott, ever the leader, steering the conversation back to business.

“Something about some psycho-assassins?” Scott tried.

“That’s one way of putting it,” Sadie sighed.

“We're outside the law on this one,” Steve concluded. “So, if you come with us, you're a wanted man.”

Scott didn’t seem at all phased by that as he said, “Yeah, well, what else is new?”

“We should get moving,” Bucky said, and Sadie nodded.

“You bring my stuff?” she asked Wanda.

“In the van,” she answered, with a smirk, as Sadie thanked her. “I got you.”

“We got a chopper lined up,” Clint added, but he was interrupted swiftly by alarm bells, and a German voice over the airport tannoy.

“They're evacuating the airport,” said Bucky, who Sadie had come to realise must be fluent in practically every European language at this point.

“Stark,” Sam said, voicing all of their thoughts, as Sadie heaved a breath, tapping her hand against her thigh to cover up for the fact that it was shaking.

“Stark?” Scott repeated, and she was the only one to acknowledge him with a grave nod.

“He’s our first obstacle,” Sadie said. “Most likely got a team with him too. Black Widow, War Machine, and um…”

“The Black Panther,” Sam finished, when she struggled to find an apt description for T’Challa, and unaware of his code name.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “At a minimum.”

“We can expect Vision too,” Clint added. “He was pretty pissed when we left.”

A silence fell over the group then, Sadie’s hand still tapping against her leg, itching to glow. She looked at Steve, who was suddenly unreadable to her, solid and professional in the face of a fight, not letting his team into any fear or anxiety he may have felt. Not letting even Sadie in.

He locked eyes with her, and she understood it, admired it. In that moment, they weren’t Steve and Sadie, and they couldn’t be, not until this was all over. They were Captain America and Aceso- Avengers, with a mission to finish. Steve turned the rest of the team, forever the image of a leader as he gave a simple order.

_“Suit up.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope this chapter wasn't too filler-like, and I also hope it wasn't too rushed, I'm just really wanting to move on to the airport battle next chapter since I'm like a whole chapter behind my original plan (because my writing is just so rambly- writing a whole ass 400 words of Sadie trying to figure out what to do with her damn sex hair and hickeys LOL what's wrong with me)
> 
> Anyways, our favourite power couple are back on good terms, because healthy relationships don't hold grudges!!!  
> That said, let me know your thoughts/feedback etc! See you next week!
> 
> -Amber.


	38. The Battle of Leipzig

The rest of the group had dispersed, Sadie forever the last one ready, and it was only Steve who lingered then. As she pulled on her Aceso cap, he approached, their uniforms a contrast of sky and navy kevlar.

She was nervous- he wasn't.

That was always the drill with these things. Sadie needed him before, and he needed her after. He always needed her after, even if he didn't admit it. And she always made sure she was there, just as he did for her, now.

"You know the plan?" Steve asked, for the millionth time and she rolled her eyes, tracing the star on his chest.

"Well, of course I know the _plan_ , good sir," Sadie grinned, in her best (and worst) attempt at an English accent. She had no clue why she did it. To lighten the air, perhaps.

"I haven't heard that from you in a while," he said, with a sincere smile that was somehow out of place for the circumstances. But then again, so was her joking.

"What?"

"Your voices... impressions, I don't know," Steve chuckled, looking almost bashful, and her heart swelled that he would even notice such a thing, let alone notice the absence of it. Let alone _now_. "Forget I said anything."

"I didn't realise you liked them so much," Sadie said, honestly. "I've never been told they're anything but bad and cringe-worthy."

"Oh, they're bad and cringe-worthy, make no mistake," he said, sternly, making her laugh stupidly. "But it's still nice to hear you doing them again."

Sadie couldn't help herself then, and so, despite the fact that they were working, she threw her arms around him, and placed a big kiss on his cheek, ignoring his helmet in the way. Steve laughed his gorgeous laugh then, and returned the favour with a quick flurry of kisses- her cheek, her neck, even some caught in her hair.

And then she only held him close as they both stilled their affections, hugged him tighter, and he let her, despite the timing. She was so glad that he let her. The embrace was what she needed- holding him felt like an anchor for her, a weight to steady her anxieties.

"We better get in position," he said, when she finally detached herself from him. "You know where you are?"

"Of course, I know where I am," Sadie laughed. "I'm with the boys!"

"No, you're not with the _boys_. The boys are the biggest combative targets to ever exist right now. It's why you're not with me, either."

"I was kidding," she said quickly, upon seeing the visible stress on his face. "I'm on the east side parking with Clint and Wanda. We're aiming to get to the Quinjet, all the while warding off anyone trying to stop us."

"Yes, good, perfect," Steve nodded, with a relieved smile. "Now, go."

"Alright, alright," she laughed, jogging away and making sure to stay in the blindspots of the cameras as she reached Clint and Wanda- Clint, who frowned disapprovingly, and Wanda, who only smiled, familiar with Sadie's slow pace to change.

"You're late," Clint said, as she came to a halt. "How can you be late? We started at the same point."

"Sadie is always slow," Wanda said, with a laugh.

"Not in a fight," she shot back, sending a playful blast of blue light Wanda's way, which the hero deflected with the red of her own.

"'Cause she's always kissing her boyfriend bye-bye," Wanda continued, ignoring her argument.

Sadie cringed to hear it said that way. She couldn't lie to Wanda, Wanda Maximoff was the hardest person in the world to lie to, so Sadie kept her mouth shut, so as to not further dig her own grave.

"I leave the team alone for five minutes and the standard drops," Clint sighed, but there was a hint of excitement in his eye.

Sadie hadn't had the chance top get to know him all too well before his retirement, but it was clear as day Hawkeye lived for the thrill of it all.

"It's good to have you back," Sadie said, checking her watch and glancing out of the parking bay.

She couldn't see a lot for their far distance, but as she listened to Steve's voice through the comms, she could see enough for a quick body count.

Most of the figures she recognised- Steve, undoubtedly. But he had no shield, and his hands were cuffed together by some... light material she couldn't understand.

"That's... webbing," Wanda pointed out, and it was so much clearer now.

Sadie pushed it out of her mind, focusing on her count. There was also Tony, Rhody and- Natasha, it looked like. Two unknown figures- one in a matte black suit Sadie could only deduce to be Prince- _King_ T'Challa.

The second figure was less recognisable, clad head to toe in red, not even a face to tell the gender, but she assumed a male. What was most intriguing of all, was that this new guy had managed to snatch Steve's shield, and held it so casually by his side as his arms moved by his side in what looked like a salute.

The source of the webs then, she supposed.

"Who d'you think that is?" Sadie asked, as they watched, waiting and listening to the comms.

"Maybe Tony has a lovechild he's been hiding from the world," Clint mused, only half-jokingly, as he readied his bow. "Come to take us down with the loudest genes known to man."

"No, I don't think so," Sadie said. "I don't think he'd put a kid in something like this."

She was met by a deadpan expression by Wanda: "It's Stark."

"We've found it," Sam's voice crackled in her ear. "Their Quinjet's in hangar five, north runway."

Somewhere between when Sadie had breathed and when she'd blinked, Scott had appeared, and somehow won the shield back, and Clint had let his arrow fly, freeing Steve's web-hold.

Now, was their cue. Hangar five, north runway. All Sadie had to do was get there, praying for the best out of this inevitable conflict.

"And it starts," Sadie muttered, beginning her sprint towards the exit, Clint and Wanda close by her side.

She pushed herself towards daylight, forcing herself to think of nothing but the ground beneath her feet, the breath in her lungs. How she was so much more capable now, so much stronger- she could face this, they could all face this.

Then the explosions started.

Debris flew all around them, crates and boxes exploding- a ploy, to slow them down. And it worked. Sadie glanced behind her to spot none other than Tony Stark hovering in the air, the perpetrator of the crime.

She let her hands glow, a forcefield beginning to extend around them, but she was knocked aside before it was complete, sent rolling across the tarmac. Still, Sadie was quick to get to her feet, not staying down for more than a second as Tony stopped before them.

"Wanda, I think you hurt Vision's feelings," he said, ignoring his attack on them with uncaring grace.

"You locked me in my room," Wanda spat, angrily.

"Okay. First, that's an exaggeration, second, I did it to protect you," Tony's voice sounded metallic through the amplifier's of his suit, his hand still up and trained on them. "Sadie, you signed those Accords. They don't know you're here yet."

Sadie couldn't help but squint at that, cocked her head to the side. What did Tony expect, for her to turn her back on her team and join... her team? _Not her team anymore,_ she had to remind herself.

"The Accords aren't relevant," she said. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Clint signal to Wanda. She ignored it. "Steve already spelled it out. We have to stop those super-soldiers."

"The Accords are _blatantly_ relevant," Tony shot back. "You come with us, we can sort it with the panel. Straightforward."

"The panel isn't going to be fast enough," Sadie started, but stopped herself as she realised Tony was being as hard headed as his helmet was. "You gonna let me look at your face when I'm talking to you?"

"Simple answer is no," he responded, nonchalantly. Wanda and Clint's silent and actionless communications were still going on, and Tony seemed to notice too. "Hey, Clint."

"Hey, man."

"Clearly, retirement doesn't suit you. You got tired of shooting golf?"

"Well, I played eighteen, I shot eighteen," Clint replied, simply. "Just can't seem to miss."

He let an arrow fly in Tony's direction then, and it took their spectacular Iron Man only two shots to deflect it, and Sadie could picture the smug face- curled lip, quipped eyebrow- on his face as he said: "Huh, first time for everything."

Clint only smiled at that. "Made you look."

Sadie caught up with the plan only as Wanda began to row her red glowing hands and a car smashed down past Tony, followed by dozens more slamming and crashing relentlessly until he was completely buried.

It didn't take them long then to start running once more, barely out of breath since they were barely starting.

"That was awesome," she said, to no response besides laughs and shrugs. "You two are an excellent duo. I'm a third wheel."

"You're away from Cap for two minutes and you're crying already?" Clint teased.

"Is this everyone's new thing now? Pick on the happy couple?" Sadie laughed, but Wanda didn't seem amused at all as they ran, her mind clearly still on the previous confrontation.

"Sadie, we aren't going to get through this by bargaining with Tony Stark," she panted. "You have to fight."

Sadie knew she was right. But she had hoped, somehow, that they could talk about it. That naivety was clear to her now, but still- she needed to hope if she was going to get through this day.

"I think bargaining is exactly what we need," she tried, as they rushed forward.

The northern runway was before them now, a few more paces and they were upon it, the Quinjet in sight as Clint pointed it out. Sadie pushed herself even harder then, beyond relieved to see Steve fall into step in front of them with Scott, Sam and Bucky following not far behind.

The coincidental formation seemed to spur them all on as the team ran further and faster, and Sadie thought they might be able to make it. But still, there was a feeling in her stomach- a wait. How long would it be before they were split again?

The team made it less than ten yards before they were cut off by a beam of light and a line scorched in the ground. Vision, soaring above them.

"Captain Rogers," he started, as the team halted. Tony flew in then, dropping off Natasha with him, and Sadie's fears were confirmed. "I know you believe what you're doing is right. But for the collective good you must surrender now."

Rhody now too, T'Challa in tow and the mystery recruit with them. Six in total. The only things in the way of this team, and that Quinjet. Sadie braced herself, let her hands glow. She caught Natasha's eye in the line up, her friend gazing at her blankly, but out of all of them, she looked to have the most regret in her eyes. Sadie looked away.

"At least we outnumber 'em," Scott commented, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh. "You're um... you're all welcome I came."

"They have an aerial advantage," Sadie muttered, putting her hands on her hips. "This won't be easy."

"What do we do, Cap?" Sam voiced, several places down the line from where Sadie stood between Wanda and Steve.

Steve didn't look up then. Not at Sam, or Sadie, or any of them. His eyes were trained forward, a missile locked on a target and there was no way to disengage. In that moment, he looked more dangerous than Sadie had ever seen him.

"We fight," he said, starting forward, and Sadie found herself and the others following, their pace matching his.

Walking when he walked, jogging when he jogged, sprinting when he sprinted. A unit. Facing another solid one, it seemed, as Tony's team came forward just as relentlessly.

Sadie caught Natasha's eye again, thought strangely of black coffee and peach iced tea- she caught the light off Tony's armour and thought of long nights and gene codes- and for a moment, Sadie almost stopped.

But as Natasha came closer, Sadie thought of patronisation, and ignorance- 'conflict of interest' and 'clouded judgement' and the idea that they wouldn't help, they wouldn't listen.

Why? Because of a piece of paper.

After that, there was the clash.

Light whipped from Sadie's hands before Natasha could lay a hand on her, pushing the agent backwards and off her feet. Natasha fell into a roll, back on her feet again, and Sadie channeled her power into her legs, kicking forward as the light travelled up her arms and down her sides.

It was only when Natasha caught her glowing leg, that Sadie remembered it was a move her friend had taught her. Soon, her back slammed against the ground, Natasha's grip strong enough to dislocate if Sadie hadn't wrapped that light so tightly around her ligaments- a cushioning for damage.

She twisted, the light coloured material of her suit scratching against tarmac as she tugged herself free, straddling over Natasha who bucked her off easily by butting her head against Sadie's chin. She didn't let the agent destabilize her though, jumping to her feet and advancing on Natasha, blow after blow, hand to hand- no more of her light to use against her- Sadie would win this fairly.

It wasn't long though, until there were shots behind her, and Sadie realised this team had no intention of fighting fairly. She let her light out then, pushing Natasha backwards and into Clint's line as she whirled on the person behind her. Not shots, she realised- webs.

"Dr Aceso!" the voice of the man in red was higher than she'd expected, as Sadie watched him hopping from car to car that Wanda was levitating, simultaneously firing webs that landed with much more speed around her than Sadie could have expected. "I gotta say I've read a lot about you!"

"Thanks but, you realise it's either Doc or Aceso?" Sadie found herself saying, as he leapt to the ground in front of her, dodging her light just as she'd dodged his webs.

"I do," he said, as she tried again, firing short blasts of light in quick succession, but the man- boy?- avoided them carelessly, barely moving an inch.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked, before rolling away from a hammering of webs.

"I'm Spider-Man," he said, extending his arm, and in her shock the web almost hit her.

Still, Sadie threw up a forcefield before it could. Then, in a frenzied panic, she visualised it moving as she pushed the field forward like a wall, knocking down the 'Spider-Man' and sending him barrelling away.

That was when Sadie noticed shots past her, shots aimed at Steve that stood out just as starkly as shots aimed at herself. He had his back turned to it, a point of vulnerability and it was instinct for her to cast a forcefield around him until he was out of harm's way, no matter how frustrated that made Tony Stark.

"I coulda had him," he announced, hovering above her and Sadie couldn't help but laugh for the shock of it.

"Listen to yourself!" she shouted. "He's not some criminal, he's your _friend."_

"He's both actually- you all are," Tony reasoned, aiming repulsor blasts her way.

Sadie blocked them with her light, sending it on the offensive straight after. She made sure it was enough to knock him, not enough to truly damage his armour.

"You wanted to see my face?" he shouted, and his helmet pulled back to reveal his expression- angry, hurt, betrayed. She felt the same way. "Here it is! Take your shot!"

Sadie didn't, so Tony took it upon himself to send more blasts her way, this time actually knocking her off her feet, sending her Aceso hat flying, but she wasn't worried about the state of her hair anymore.

"Remember how I told you to go home?" he asked, as she threw light toward him. "You still had your job, your _mom_ , to think about?"

He was whipping around her now, the Iron Man suit leaving a blur of red and gold and leaving her attacks useless. Sadie was getting dizzy.

"Well, now you only have your mom," Tony snapped, coming to an abrupt halt. His eyes were blank. "Sorry Chief, but you're fired."

Sadie stopped dead at that. She didn't know why she was so shocked to hear it. Surely, this was a natural consequence of confronting your boss in such a political, public, and violent way. But Tony had never acted like her 'boss' before, always told her he had too much respect for that, even if he did call her Intern for the better half of a year.

Still, maybe Sadie had lost that respect. Second job she'd lost in less than three years, and once again, the loss was directly linked to her life as Aceso.

"After all our work together," she said, more a statement than a question. "That's it?"

"Yeah," Tony replied. "That's it."

He still didn't put his helmet down. Instead, he looked her right in the eye, and she looked him in his, and Sadie saw nothing but coldness there, and contempt. She took a moment, a breath- spat saliva on the ground, thick from fighting- wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

Then, with an unconcerned, collected gesture of her glowing hands- the direct opposite of how she felt inside... Aceso knocked Iron Man out of the sky, and turned her back.

Sadie didn't get a moment of rest though, as her flying opponent was replaced with another- Vision, who didn't attempt to talk, or reason. Rather, he knocked her right down with a blast harsher than any she'd experienced, a blast that managed to find its way through her forcefield and into her abdomen.

Pulling herself to her feet, she heaved a breath as she realised that she'd had to do this old fashioned offensive alone, and so she let her attacks take her focus. They went back and forth that way for several minutes, Vision a strong wall of precision, Sadie frantic in comparison, but she held her ground.

"We gotta go," Bucky's voice over the comms. "That guy's probably in Siberia by now."

"We gotta draw out the flyers," Steve responded. "I'll take Vision. You get to the jet."

"No, you get to the jet! Both of you. Sadie has Vision, I got Rhodes, you _go,"_ Sam shouted. "The rest of us aren't getting out of here."

That much was clear to Sadie as she darted around Vision's attacks, attempting strategy of her own, but it was hard to find weak spots on an abominable android. It didn't matter though, as long as she kept him distracted for long enough for Steve and Bucky to get away.

"As much as I hate to admit it," Clint added. "if we're gonna win this one, some of us might have to lose it."

"This isn't the real fight, Steve," Sam said, firmly.

"Sadie," Steve started, and Sadie ducked for cover temporarily behind some crates, which Vision sliced through.

"Go!" Sadie shouted, in response, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. They couldn't lose this, they couldn't- but they _were_ losing. "We'll think of something just- go, Steve!"

"Alright," he said, his voice heavy, but professional. Sadie pushed down her admiration in favour of a clear head to counteract these attacks. "Sam, what's the play?"

"We need a diversion," Sam said. "Something big."

"I got something kind of big," Scott Lang started, his voice in a tone that already worried her. "But I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell. And if I tear myself in half, don't come back for me."

"He's gonna tear himself in half?" Bucky echoed, and Sadie would have rolled her eyes if she had a second to look away from Vision.

"You're sure about this, Scott?" Steve asked.

"I do it all the time," he answered. Once again, worrying. "I mean once... in a lab."

"A lab isn't a battlefield-" Sadie started, only to be interrupted by even more worrying information.

"-Then I passed out."

"Scott, if this isn't safe-"

Scott didn't respond to that, instead just chanting _"I'm the boss, I'm the boss, I'm the boss, I'm the boss,"_ until there was a loud rumbling, and Vision's relentless blasts finally halted.

Sadie turned, prompted mainly by the shadow that had fallen over her, and almost had a heart attack at the sight of Scott Lang, suddenly much more giant than ant.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed, unable to help herself.

"I guess that's the signal," Steve said, sounding dumbfounded.

"Way to go, Tic Tac!" Sam added, and Sadie still couldn't believe her eyes.

"Oh my _fucking_ \- shit!" Sadie laughed, loudly, clasping her hand over her mouth. "Lang, you got a dumb good fucking ace up your _humongous_ fucking sleeve!"

"Moore, I don't think anyone has ever sounded as New York as you, right now," Clint laughed through the comms. "Thought Cap didn't like a curser?"

"She's corrupted him," Sam added, and Sadie could actually roll her eyes then because Vision wasn't on her case anymore- _Vision wasn't on her case anymore!_

But still, there was no time to find the android as she noticed T'Challa dart past her, hot on the heels of Steve and Bucky so she sent shock waves of light his way, but it only served to slow him down. Scott though, with his newfound size making the ground shake, was able to stop the King long enough for Clint to fire arrows.

That was when Sadie turned her attention back to finding Vision, and making sure his insane power didn't turn on Steve and Bucky.

She found him, after long last, but she also found Wanda, too- holding up a collapsing building with her straining power. Sadie let her own hands glow, envisioned a forcefield around Steve and Bucky as they ran, the building slowly sinking lower and lower until it collapsed completely.

She felt the weight around her field for no more than a second, and let out a sigh of relief that their teammates had reached hangar bay, and thus the Quinjet, she hoped.

Sadie scanned around her for the cause of the collapse and drop of Wanda's power, to find her wailing in response to sonic waves coming from Rhody, if no one else.

Their colleague, their friend. Torturing Wanda. There was a newfound anger in Sadie's stomach as she sent her light crashing into his armour, forcing him to end his attack, as Wanda collapsed yards away.

Rushing towards her, Sadie was cut off by Vision who reached there first- but he didn't attack. Instead, he broke Wanda's fall, supporting her body as Sadie reached them, her glowing hands ready to heal.

"How can I help?" Sadie asked her, desperately. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt, I'm just-" Wanda rubbed her temples, her brow knitted. "I just need time to recover."

"If you're hurt, tell me," she insisted. "Is your hearing alright?"

"My hearing is fine, Sadie," Wanda argued, before gesturing behind her. "You might have to go and help him, instead."

Sadie turned just as Scott Lang hit the ground in his giant state, before disappearing again and she could only assume he had shrunk.

Unsatisfied to leave Wanda, but respectful of her wish not to be treated, Sadie hurried back towards where the fight had been, and found Scott among the broken remains of an airplane wing.

"You're crazy," Sadie said, helping him up as he stumbled to his feet.

"Not the first I've heard that," Scott said, pulling off his helmet, and rubbing his neck.

"What have you hurt? I can heal it," she asked, firmly.

"I think they broke my jaw, Dr Moore," he responded, emphasising the half-rhyme and she sighed.

"Don't be dramatic. If they broke your jaw you wouldn't be talking right now," Sadie said. There was a roaring overhead then, and she looked up to see the Quinjet taking off. She tried to ignore how her heart sank as she turned away, back to Scott. "Now, what have you hurt?"

"I told you, my jaw!" Scott argued. "And if you could do my back while you're at it- that was a high fall."

Sadie sucked her teeth, running her glowing hand over his jaw and neck briefly. Scott sighed in relief, stretching out his mouth like a yawn.

"That's great!"

"I'm _not_ doing your back," Sadie said, holding back her smile at his objection. "If you can stand, then you're fine."

"So what do we do now?" he asked her. "What's Plan B?"

"I'm sorry, Scott," she sighed. "We're basically waiting to be arrested. There's no Plan B. I won't hold it against you if you wanna go... ant sized. Slip away, right now."

Scott only frowned at that, looking down at a button on his glove. A faraway look was in his eyes, a worried one that didn't suit him.

"Cassie's my little girl," he said, simply. "All that stuff you researched last time, the robberies, even this Ant-Man suit, all of it was for her. To not disappoint her."

"That's... really noble," Sadie said, trying not to think of her godchildren, who she was terrified to disappoint. Her mother, her friends, her sister.

"Going back inside will disappoint her, sure," Scott concluded. "But I think she'd be more disappointed if I left the Avengers for dead. Especially you, Aceso. You're her favourite."

Their peace was interrupted by Sam's frantic landing beside them, his eyes worried as he called Sadie's name.

"Rhodey's hurt," he said, and Sadie couldn't help but scoff.

"So is Wanda," she said, but she dropped her attitude as soon as she saw the look on Sam's face.

"Rhodey's _hurt,"_ Sam repeated, and she rushed over.

"Give me a lift," Sadie said, and he complied, grasping her tight around her shoulders and soaring forward toward the grass, where Rhodey lay.

There was fresh earth all around him- a crash landing. Tony crouched beside him, his face angry and Vision there too, a solemn figure.

"Is he conscious?" Sadie said, rushing forward.

"No," Tony said, his voice strained. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. reads his vitals as... weak."

"How high did he fall?" Sadie said, kneeling beside the unconscious man, running her glowing hands over his armour. "And can I get under this suit?"

"I, I don't know- lower than cruising altitude, higher than the Empire freaking State," Tony snapped. "And the suit's reactor is bust. It's dead metal, we can't open it."

"Probably for the best," she said, remaining calm and collected. "The suit will give him some support. I just need room to work."

As if Sadie had cursed herself, they were suddenly surrounded by armed guards- helmeted men in matte black with _CIA_ printed across their fronts. Sam's hands shot up in surrender straight away, but Sadie didn't do the same. She focused on her power, trying to feel the injury through all the metal.

So far, her attempts were proving fruitless. She envisioned a nervous system, in tact, but she didn't feel Rhodey's changing. She needed more information, she needed to _feel_ for more information.

"Dr Moore, stand down," an agent shouted, and she glanced up briefly to see his weapon trained on her.

"We have a casualty," Tony said quickly, standing. "She's healing him."

"Dr Moore, you are not sanctioned to use your abilities on these premises, at this date or time," the agent continued, but she ignored him, focusing herself.

"Listen to me," Tony started, approaching the agent in front of her, but she could feel that she was surrounded on all sides. She ignored it, focused on her work.

So she can't find the injury. Perhaps if she froze damage to the body... put it on a pause until she had better access to Rhodey's injuries- could she do that? Sadie focused, imagined what her mother would tell her.

To believe in herself. This is what she was here for.

Somebody had a hand on her. Instinctively, Sadie let light extend from her in all directions- forcing everyone away. Tony, Sam, Vision, and the agents alike.

"Do _not_ lay a hand on me while I am _working!"_ she shouted, looking up at them all.

That was when she realised that her hands were still freezing Rhodey's injuries, even as a forcefield was up around her. Sadie let out a shocked gasp. It felt like the strongest field she'd ever made, and somehow, she could upkeep her healing?

Sadie had never used more than one ability at a time- had never thought she was able to!

Now, though, after a minute and a half of fielding and healing, Sadie understood why. The healing took so much of her strength, and still wasn't working. The forcefield stood strong, but every blow to it from the agents attempting to break through took a knock to her composure.

Soon, she was lightheaded.

Soon, she blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so that was eventful! please forgive any small mistakes in continuity- I tried to make the timeline of the fight cohesive, but after watching the scene more times than I can count, I just realised there's a reason why the Marvel Universe is in comics and movies as opposed to 'prose'. It's very hard to get everything in when you don't have advantages of angles and cut scenes- especially in a limited 3rd person narrative.
> 
> I've also read over it so many times now that my eyes are beginning to glaze over so if I've mixed up there and their or whatever- it's cause I spent 5 hours writing this, not including editing time. Ya'll I have no life.
> 
> that said- it's New Year's Eve, folks! AKA Sadie's birthday lmao, here's my present to her, a good ol' beating. I hope that 2020 treats you all well, and I hope this new decade brings you all the blessings you deserve!
> 
> See you all in 2020!


	39. What It Means To Be Prisoner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: implications of sexual harassment in this chapter and discussions about it. I'll code these sections by underlining whenever it's attempted, implied or discussed so those affected can skip past if needs be.

**[PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNING IN THE NOTES ABOVE]**

Words were all Sadie could comprehend.

_"If you can hear me... I've got you... don't worry, you're safe..."_

The world was blurry.

Sadie felt herself being carried by strong arms, heard Sam's voice reassuring her every now and then, usually always followed by the bark of a much more aggressive voice- orders of some kind which he argued against.

_"Won't hand her over until she's awake... Cap isn't here to do it... protecting her until she can herself..."_

Sam kept her with him, and at one point she felt flight- thought maybe he'd managed to get away somehow. But there was turbulence, and no cold air.

There was the click of guns, threatening and close, and Sadie wanted to tell Sam it was okay, he could let her go, but she couldn't speak. Eventually she felt herself pulled from him, the plastic of a stretcher beneath her.

Sadie heard cruel voices above her, felt hands on her face, her legs, her hair. 

_ "This suit's going to have to come off... all that leather... poor Aceso, where's your man?" _

Sadie tried to move. She couldn't. She tried to scream. She couldn't. She tried her powers. She couldn't. She tried to pray. It was answered. 

_ "Nobody is touching her..." _ a woman's voice. Wanda?  _ "I'll do it... don't care... won't touch her or I'll rain hell on this place..." _

More commotion. More conflict. More helplessness. Everything she'd feared about being a prisoner had happened already. 

It could only get worse.

A hospital bed was not a luxury Aceso was granted as she came to consciousness.

Instead there was hard cold floor beneath her and white lights that dizzied her. She squinted her eyes, moved to rub them, but her arm was tugged back behind her harshly as she winced.

Restrained.

Panic started to rise in Sadie's stomach as she attempted to scramble clumsily to her feet. She caught a reflection in the white wall behind her- her hands were cuffed behind her back, and there were weighted gloves around them. She let her hands glow in an attempt to break free, but the light didn't even seep through the material.

Her heart was beating terribly as she looked around the room she was in- not a room, a cell, she realised. There was a bed. Whoever had put her there just hadn't bothered to lay her on it.

Suddenly, Sadie could hardly breathe.

She was alone here, she'd never get out, she'd never see her mother again, see Steve again, she was completely and utterly alo-

"Sadie," the voice was so familiar it immediately calmed her shaky breaths. "You're okay. We're all here."

"Sam?" she called, stepping forward towards the bars.

That was when her vision expanded beyond her own cell, and her restraints. A circle like chamber, Clint in the cell directly opposite. She craned her neck to look around her and found Sam several cells away from her. She could only assume Scott was in a cell she couldn't see.

"How long have we been here?" Sadie asked, her throat dry.

"There's no clocks but... I would guess about four hours," Sam answered, his arms crossed against his chest.

"Did they-"

"They didn't catch Steve," he said, and Sadie let out a sigh of relief. "There's AV in here, so uh- let's leave the topic at that."

"I just pray he's alright," she admitted, with a heavy heart. "That's not a crime to say, is it?"

"No, Sadie, it's not."

She looked down at herself- she was dressed in blue nylon trousers and shirt. Even her hair was tied tightly away. Why had they touched her hair? And why had they tied it so tight? She felt silly for worrying about it, but when she was keeping her hair natural, it felt like an affront. But besides all of that...

"Who undressed me?" she asked, dreading the answer. "Where did I get these clothes?"

Nobody answered. 

"I... I could hear things," Sadie started, bile rising in her throat. "I- there were men talking about... oh my God, did they-"

"No," Sam said, stepping rapidly towards the bars. "No, no, no. We would never let that happen to you."

"Then how have I changed?" she asked, desperate for answers, angry with herself and her burn out. 

"Wanda dressed you," Sam explained. "It was going to be those prison guards, but she fought like hell as soon as she heard what they were saying. It complicated things when we stood up, but... the three of us kept them occupied while Wanda got you straight. And I personally made sure none of those bastards looked."

Sadie felt sick by the thought that there had been a confrontation, a fight over her body. But despite it, she was grateful that Wanda had been there to hear it. She was touched that her friends had stood up for her when she couldn't stand up for herself. 

Sadie was even more grateful that Steve hadn't been there to see her so helpless, or to hear what those guards had said. Considering what had happened the last time someone had tried to hurt her...

She knew what he could do because he cared for her. And though she felt reassured by that, she never wanted for him to ever have to protect her, or avenge her, again.

"I'll have to thank Wanda. And all of you. I don't even have the words," Sadie sighed, sincerely.

"You're one of us, Sadie," Sam said. "You don't have to thank us at all."

"Nobody ever hears about it," she said, firmly, and she was met by a chorus of promises. "They didn't get what they wanted, we're not going to give them the luxury of our attention on it any more."

"Absolutely."

She turned away, certain the look in Sam's face would bring her to tears if she looked for too long and she wouldn't cry here, not now. Not after he'd carried her like a baby here, after he and Wanda, and Clint, and Scott had had to risk themselves for her, that way.

"Where's Wanda now?"

"They put her in a straight jacket and we haven't seen her since," Clint said, solemnly. "We think they put her in solitary."

"Can they do that?" Sadie asked, outraged. "Do we get lawyers?"

"No mention of it," Scott spoke up then. "No phone calls either. Nobody even read us our rights. I've been arrested enough times to know that none of this is normal."

"How can this be legal?" Sadie said, in disbelief. "What are they keeping us here for, what do they want?"

"They want us to snitch," Sam said, bitterly. "Tell where Steve is."

Sadie scanned the room, noticed a camera in the corner of her cell and turned to face it, her hands still restrained behind her back.

"Yeah?" she said, staring right down the lens. "Well then, good fucking luck."

Right then, there was a clunk of the security door and Sadie whipped around to see who had entered, readying herself for confrontation.

She expected guards, or officials, maybe even Secretary Ross if they were all considered high profile enough. Instead, Sadie saw Tony Stark.

He was dressed plainly now, his arm in a sling and his face haggard, and Sadie could've scoffed that he was the only visitor they seemed to be allowed. And even then, did he have a job to do?

The silence was broken by a single applause- Clint Barton with a slow clap and a curled lip.

"The Futurist, lady and gentlemen!" He called out, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "The Futurist is here! He sees all! He knows what's best for you, whether you like it or not."

"Give me a break, Barton," Tony sighed, approaching Clint's cell. "I had no idea they'll put you here. Come on."

"Yeah, well, you knew they'd put us somewhere, Tony."

"Yeah, but not some super-max floating ocean pokey," he argued. Still missing the point. "You know, this place is for maniacs. This is a place for..."

"Criminals?" Clint asked, standing. "Criminals, Tony. That's the word you're looking for, right? That didn't used to mean me. Or Sam, or Sadie, or Wanda. But here we are."

They were so close through the bars now that it was hard to watch. Every word made her want to jump in, say her part, give Tony a piece of her mind.

"Because you broke the law," Tony said, simply. "I didn't make you."

Sadie didn't trust herself to listen to any more after that. The last thing she wanted was to end up in a shouting match with Tony Stark, not when her head was aching how it was.

She couldn't get away with it for long, though, because soon Tony's voice was addressing her.

"You wanna talk to me, Chief?" he said, as Sadie sat herself down on the prison bed.

"Not your Chief," Sadie muttered. "I'm fired, remember?"

"Right," Tony sighed. "Bigger loss for us than for you."

It was supposed to be a compliment, she knew that. It didn't mean anything now, though.

"Don't tell me about losses," she said, quietly. "What was the verdict on Rhody? After I... after I couldn't finish?"

"They're flying him to Columbia Medical tomorrow, so fingers crossed," Tony said, his brow knitted. "But the doctors said you might have stopped the progression of the damage and the pain. Kept him... semi functional. There's going to be some form of paralysis."

"I could still help him," Sadie said, her heart the heaviest it had been since the fight. She could've fixed it, but she was too weak.

"No, you can't _help_ anyone," he said, coldly. "Because instead of going home like I told you to, you threw yourself into this. Were you on crack?"

"Lay off her, Stark," Sadie heard Sam say from his cell, but she honestly couldn't have needed backup less.

Tony's words were redundant. Especially when she believed in what she was fighting for.

"Okay. Fair. I'm being harsh," he conceded, moving on to Sam's cell. "What do you need? They feed you yet?"

"You're the good cop now?" Sam asked, and Sadie scoffed.

"I'm just the guy who needs to know where Steve went."

"Well, you better go get a bad cop, because you're gonna have to go Mark Fuhrman on my ass to get information out of me," Sam argued, and Sadie hummed in agreement.

Tony spun back around at that, but he didn't comment, instead opting to raise an eyebrow at her, as if to coax out some response. Sadie ignored him, and he sighed, fiddling with his smart watch.

"Oh," he said, casually. "I just knocked the 'A' out of their 'AV'. We got about 30 seconds before they realize it's not their equipment."

That, Sadie couldn't ignore. She stood from her place, crossing to get a closer look as Tony projected an image from his watch. A man, bloody-nosed and unconscious. No, not unconscious. Dead.

"Just look," he continued. "Because _that_ is the fellow who was supposed to interrogate Barnes. Clearly, I made a mistake. I was wrong."

Sadie would have applaused if her hands weren't tied.

"That's a first," Sam scoffed.

"So what are you going to do now?" Sadie asked, biting her lip- it was sore and almost bleeding from how much she gnawed at it the last few days, and from how hard Steve had kissed her the previous night.

That night that felt like years ago.

Sadie shook her head, pushed the thought away.

"Cap is definitely off the reservation but he's about to need all the help he can get," Tony said, honestly. He turned back to Sam, moved closer to his cell. "We don't know each other very well. You don't have to-"

"Hey, it's alright," Sam interrupted, and Tony leaned closer to the window. "Look, I'll tell you... but you have to go alone and as a friend."

Tony's response didn't miss a beat and Sadie hadn't felt so reassured about anything with this team as when he answered, "Easy."

"Sadie," Sam said, shooting her a glance between their cells. "You wanna go first?"

~

It had been at least twelve hours since Tony's visit, nearing time to sleep. But they were only waiting. Waiting for nothing, waiting for everything. It was agonising.

Sadie's stomach growled because she refused to eat. She didn't have a particular liking for sourdough bread, and she certainly wouldn't drink their water. Her main fear was some sort of drugging- to get them all loose lipped.

The three men in the cells around her showed no such concern.

At least the juice was boxed, she thought. At least she could drink that, even if she had done the whole thing with her chin and teeth. Her hands were still cuffed behind her back, so her only option would be to eat like a dog. It was embarrassing enough trying to open her drink- she couldn't be less interested in their food.

"Y'know, as far as prison food goes, this has to be the worst," Scott said- still out of sight but his voice loud enough. "It isn't even butter, it's oleo. Who eats oleo?"

"You, apparently," Clint answered. "Don't worry, Lang, you don't need to diet."

"Eating trans-fats like that is one of the worst things you could do to your body," Sadie said, chewing on the straw of her empty juice box. "Lowers your good cholesterol in exchange for more of the bad."

"So these guys are trying to kill us," Sam laughed. "Good to know."

"I need a shower," she complained, resting her head against the scratchy pillow. "No, a bubble bath. And a load of lotion for after. And some salve for these cuffs."

"Can't believe those bastards are keeping you in those," Sam spat.

"These gloves are like sandpaper," she continued, glancing at the surveillance camera in her cell. "Y'all couldn't get me some silk? I'd settle for Egyptian cotton."

"I bet you got some fancy linens at home," Scott said, his voice a little too chipper.

"Black satin. Silk is too slippery, cotton's too hot," Sadie said, imagining the cool fabric beneath her skin instead of the rough polyester.

She closed her eyes then, pictured the early morning sun spilling through her east facing window, the view of the avenue beyond it. The home she'd chosen for herself, worked so hard to get.

"Sounds nice," Clint commented, casually.

"I have peach satin too. But that has contrast stitching on it. Like, patterns," Sadie said, another image springing to mind.

The salmon material under moonlight, pale hands tracing along the stitches, short blond hair against the pillow, a lopsided grin. The sound of urban jazz through the radio on her bedside table. That was the music they could agree on most- contemporary vocals and vintage brass.

"And I always have the linens _at least_ a third larger than the actual bed itself," Sadie continued. "That makes sure it's always presentable."

Steve's sleepy murmurings were in her head now- how he has to be up early in the morning, but he'll try not to wake her, how he wanted to get her a pet to fill the empty spaces in the house. Sadie's own nervous voice asking if he'd consider filling the empty spaces himself. His kiss in response, and his reasoning that she could have both him, and a pet, if she wanted.

"Oh- and you can't go without a generous number of blankets, either, apparently" she chuckled. "I never used to sleep with extra blankets, always thought it looked better minimal. Steve wouldn't get off my back about it, though- he said it doesn't matter what it looks like because you'll be asleep anyway."

That was when Sadie caught herself, her eyes snapping open as she sat up. How long had she been rambling about her stupid bedsheets? And could they all see right through her, to her pathetic pining?

"He's got a point," Sam said, and there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

That only pushed her embarrassment further. She should change the topic- to anything that wasn't Steve, or bedsheets, or whether or not extra blankets are necessary for comfort.

Instead, Sadie blurted: "My hair's gonna be crazy if I sleep without my pillowcases."

She screwed her eyes shut as soon as she said it- and she would have facepalmed if she had free hands to do so.

 _"That's_ your main concern?" Clint asked, baffled, and Sadie rolled her eyes.

"I'm not gonna explain this," she chuckled, used to the silent judgement.

"Black hair needs a little something special," Sam spoke, from his cell. "That, and Sadie is prestige. She could wear a bonnet like most folks. Instead, she goes all peach satin ass, three quarters larger or whatever the hell-"

"I swear to God, Sam," Sadie laughed. "Tell me you've never worn a durag, then tell me it's any different. Just 'cause you _clearly_ don't care about your waves, you military little-"

"How long do you guys think they're gonna keep us here?" Scott asked, suddenly, a sort of rhythmic drumming coming from his cell.

"Until we talk, or until they find them," Clint answered, and the playful mood was dead.

Sadie thought of her mother, and how Shan would be feeling about the sudden radio silence, and the inevitable newsreels about the Avengers' arrests.

She felt suddenly guilty- spending all of this time thinking of Steve and wondering when she'd get back to him, when she should be worrying about her poor mother, who she knew needed her.

The horrible feeling in her gut hadn't gone away since she'd spoken to Shan on the phone, and she could think of a million and one things that could have gone wrong since then. Sadie had to get back to her, there was no other option.

Suddenly, the lights shut off in the chamber, and they were plunged into darkness.

Sadie stayed perfectly still then, all conversation ceasing until the lights of the cells flickered back on, and there was a flashing of red in the chamber before them. She knew it was Steve before he even spoke.

"You didn't talk," his voice echoed, as he entered the chamber, a stupid grin on his face. "And they didn't find us."

"Holy- just when I thought this couldn't get crazier!" Scott exclaimed, and Sadie couldn't help the relieved laugh to see Steve so well, so soon. She scanned behind him, expecting to see Tony, maybe Nat, maybe some guards to release them.

There was no one. Her stomach dropped, then. This wasn't a release, it was a break out. Something had gone horribly wrong.

"Alright, Cap, thanks for the smooth talk," Sam said, with a smirk. "We're still stuck in these cells."

"You tried opening them?" Steve asked, casually walking towards Sadie's cell, and lifting the bars with ease. She heard the other three cells open immediately after, Sam and Scott being the first out and into the chamber.

Sadie didn't move from where she stood, still slightly shocked by it all, trying to make sense of why Steve was here alone, what that meant for them.

She had to get back to her mom.

"They kept you chained up like this?" Steve frowned, glancing at her untouched tray of food and her gloved hands. He stepped close to her, reaching behind her back to grip her cuffed wrists, and whispered, "Brace yourself."

He pulled harshly then, snapping the metal and practically tearing away the weighted gloves, and Sadie stretched her arms out gratefully.

"Thanks," she said, with a sheepish smile, because it was all she could say. Steve only smiled back, quickly kissing her cheek before turning to jump back into the chamber. "Did you find Wanda?"

"She's with Nat," he answered, simply, to everyone's surprise.

"Nat's here?" Clint asked, from the edge of his open cell.

"I'd like to hear that story," Sam said, crossing his arms.

"Another time. Listen, I'm going to disclaim this before we go anywhere," Steve said, carefully to the team. "We're still not on the side of the law. You come with us now, they're going to hunt you down. We won't be able to stop moving, and we won't be able to go back to where we came from."

A headache was beginning to build in Sadie's forehead.

"I can't run forever," Clint said, breaking the silence. "They mentioned a plea deal earlier, if we cooperate. Maybe I could give them false info, figure it out with Laura so I still see the kids."

Steve nodded at that, the picture of stoicism, but Sadie could see the guilt written all over his face. She knew he had never wanted to leave them in Leipzig to begin with, and now that he'd tried to undo it, he couldn't. The headache in her forehead was growing, and she couldn't stop her frown.

"I... I should do the same," Scott said, regretfully. "I appreciate it, Cap- trust me. I'd stick with this team in a heartbeat, and if you ever need-"

"Alright, Tic Tac," Sam sighed. "You coming or not?"

Scott hesitated then, a look of confliction as he sighed exasperatedly, before slapping his hands against his thighs.

"Not," he said, quickly, before smacking a hand to his forehead. "I can't believe I just did that to Captain America."

"Scott," Steve said, firmly, placing a hand on the man's shoulder. "It's okay."

"I just- I have people, I- I have people."

"You're staying true to your family," Steve reassured him. "That's the most noble thing a man can do."

Scott Lang looked ready to cry, but he didn't, instead just nodding, and opting for a simple _"Thanks, man,"_ before dragging his feet back to his cell, reluctantly.

"That was way too corny for me to handle," Sam said, moving toward the security door. "I'm out before it gets worse. Cap, where are we headed?"

"Third level, you'll see Nat there, hear that story you wanted to," Steve chuckled, and Sam was gone in less than twenty seconds, a near ghost. Steve crossed the room to Sadie's cell then, placing his hands on her arms and looking her over. "You okay? They hurt you?"

"I'm fine," she said, simply. "Just a headache. Hair's been neglected. And I'm dehydrated."

Steve hummed in response, releasing her curls from their restricting elastic, tucking it behind her ears. Some of the tension in her forehead lessened then, and her eyes fell shut as he massaged her temples briefly.

"There you go," he muttered, keeping his voice low so only they could hear. "We got water on the Quinjet, and we can probably stop somewhere for the rest of your things."

"That's sweet of you," Sadie said, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. But could she join him on the Quinjet, if it meant she couldn't see her mother?

"What happened?" she asked. "Tony went to _help_ you, I thought..." Sadie paused, shaking her head. "I thought he'd get this straight, that you could _both_ get it straight. Didn't he find you? Couldn't he help?"

"He found us," Steve said. "But there was nothing to help. Zemo played us."

None of it made any sense to her. She had been so hopeful that after the billionaire had promised Sam he'd go as a friend, all of this chaos would be done with, coming to a happy ending.

Clearly she was wrong. What on earth had happened in that bunker?

"Do you remember when I told you I was keeping a secret from a friend?" Steve sighed, after some time.

"The night of Tony's party. After Ultron," she nodded. Sadie did remember. "Has this been going on for so long?"

"It has," Steve confirmed, and Sadie was only left more confused.

She felt stupid, for not noticing something was wrong all this time. For dropping the topic when he's brought it up, for not pressing further, for choosing to flirt instead. Her headache was getting worse, despite the short relief he had given her earlier.

"What happened?"

"I'm not proud of it," he admitted, avoiding her eyes. "I don't want to mix this... that part, with us."

"I won't judge you for it," Sadie said, letting her hands glow, letting her power ease the tension she felt in his shoulders "You know I won't. You can tell me."

"I can't," Steve said. "You'll find out anyway. He's bound to tell the world."

Sadie supposed that was all there was to say on it then. Whatever it was, this secret that he had kept from Tony, she didn't need to hear it. She could see that he was sorry.

Steve pressed a kiss to her cheek then, lowering his voice and speaking close to her ear. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"No," Sadie spoke softly, taking Steve's hands. It pained her to say it- she wanted nothing more than to go with him, wherever it was he was going to go. But she had responsibilities. "No, I gotta stay."

"Sadie, we don't know how long they're going to keep you here," he said, and suddenly his voice was fearful. Steve hesitated for a moment, before adding: "I can't leave you."

"And I can't leave my mom," she explained, with a heavy heart. "I have excellent lawyers. The ones Sav knows. Maybe I can do what Lang and Clint are trying, find a way to stay."

"Um, can I borrow some of these excellent lawyers?" Scott's voice was loud from the cell beside her.

In any other situation Sadie would laugh, but now, as she held Steve's gaze, trying to memorise the details of his eyes- azure and bright and sad under the harsh glare of the white lights- she barely heard anything else.

"I have to try. I promised her I'd come home," she explained.

Although he looked like he understood, Steve's brows were furrowed in that way they always were when he was worried. She pulled him closer then, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso and Steve embraced her in return.

At that moment, Sadie could have forgotten that she was in this prison. She could have been at home like she had imagined earlier, neither of them prisoner or fugitive. Just peach satin, and urban jazz, and moonlight.

"Where will you be?" she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Wakanda, first," Steve answered quietly, still not breaking their bear-hug. "King T'Challa has offered Bucky asylum. Thinks they can undo what HYDRA did. Then, we'll hit the road."

"You, Sam, and Nat?" Sadie smiled, fondly. "Chin up. It'll be like the old days, but without my slow ass holding you back."

"You _were_ pretty slow back then," Steve teased, and she couldn't help but laugh. But the joy didn't last more than a second, and his voice returned grave as he spoke again. "Natasha caught wind of some international threats involving Chitauri weapons left over from New York. We're gonna try and do some good while we're gone."

"Then you go," Sadie said, leaning away only enough to look at his face once more. He rested his forehead against hers, and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "Maybe one day I'll catch up."

"You're here because of me," he said, and she shook her head, looking back at him. "If they charge you, you'll never get to practise again."

"You've done your job, Steve," she assured him. "You came back, you freed us. You've tried to protect me, because that's the sort of man you are. But, I'm _choosing_ to stay. For my mom. She's more important than anything."

Her mother was even more important than the two of them, and the intense care she felt for Steve and the fact that she knew she would miss him horribly when they parted.

Her mom was more important than her degree, and her job, and her medical license, even though Sadie had no idea what else she could possibly do with her life. Her mom was more important than heartbreak, and unemployment, and a criminal record.

Her mom was everything to her.

And so, naturally, Sadie would sacrifice it all. For the chance that she could see her again.

Steve scanned her face, and there was a moment of blue eyes looking into brown as she continued to hold his gaze, unwaveringly, letting him know she was sure. Her own eyes were threatening to leak tears, but she held them back, staying strong for him.

 _"Two minutes, Steve,"_ a familiar voice said through the comms. They both ignored Natasha's words. _"Get who you're getting and get out of there."_

"There's nothing I can do to convince you?" Steve asked, but there wasn't a lot of hope in his face.

When she shook her head, he pulled her even closer in a tight embrace, and she enabled the familiar scent of his cologne. His eyes flitted back and forth from her lips to her eyes, before he asked her a quiet, simple, sweet question.

"May I?"

Sadie didn't know why he asked it, why he didn't take her non-verbal consent and just kiss her how he always did, how she always wanted him to. But she didn't dwell on it for long, because it was sweet, and it was charming, and she wanted to pause that moment forever.

"You may," Sadie smiled, and he leant in further, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Her hands found their way into his hair as he pulled her even closer, and Sadie could feel herself melting. It wasn't a fiery kiss, it wasn't urgent or lustful. It wasn't playful and excited like their kisses usually were.

Instead, it was careful, gentle, and slow as they both savoured the feeling, and there was an overhanging of regret at their separation. But it was necessary, she knew that. Her hands glowed involuntarily as they always did, but it was a soft glow, not nearly as feverish, but relaxed.

Sadie felt like she was floating. She could practically feel her heartbeat slow and her body relax as she finally came to realise what it was she felt for him.

This deep care, and respect, and admiration- it was more than she had expected, more than she'd ever thought it was, and it crushed her to realise it.

It destroyed her, in that moment, to realise how much she loved him, when they were headed for separation.

It terrified her completely- she hadn't loved in so long, and now here it was, inescapable.

Love had destroyed Isadora Moore every time it entered her life. Why was she surprised it should do so now?

They parted only slightly, foreheads resting against each other, and instantly Sadie was longing for more of him.

She gazed into Steve's eyes, sapphire and beautiful, and thought about how she would live without seeing him for long, when she could hardly stand several days.

"You're making it harder and harder for me to say no when you look at me like that," she told him jokingly, although her heart was sinking. That was how this conversation was- fleeting, glorious moments of joy, before they were shocked back to reality. "I'll hear from you?"

"The old fashioned way," he answered, with a small smile. "Keep an eye on your mail."

"Send me your drawings," Sadie said, the only demand she would make of him.

Even though she wished she could demand that he stay. Just a minute longer.

Steve nodded, stepping back away from her. Her hands dropped to her sides, empty. He looked like he had something to say, like the words were trying to rip from him.

Whatever it was, she'd never know- he held them back just as she held back her own thoughts. An unspoken agreement, to keep each other strong.

"Wait for me," he said, his voice rushed, his expression soft, pleading.

She knew the implication. Even Steve didn't know how long he'd be gone.

"I will," Sadie said, honestly.

They fell silent then, the space between them feeling like miles.

"Hey," she said, gently. "Cheer up. You have Sam, and Nat, and Wanda. And Bucky, remember? You always wanted Bucky back."

"I did. But now I won't have you," he said, honestly, and Sadie's heart shattered even further.

 _"Cap,"_ Nat again, on the comms. _"Cap, you have less than a minute!"_

It was a timer for his escape, they both knew that. But for the two of them, it was a reminder of what they were giving up. Steve looked between her and the doorway, his body halfway to leaving, but hesitant. There was noise, people approaching.

"It's okay. You can go," Sadie assured him, because it was. An alarm blared, flashes of red light filling the room, but Steve still wasn't moving. The people were getting louder, closer. "What are you doing? There's only one exit! _Go!"_

Steve moved fast in her direction, pulling her harshly into him, kissing her again, harder, firmer, in a way that made her knees weak. The kind of kiss that made her feel electric. When he was finished, Sadie's chest was heaving.

"Wait for me," he said again, and turned to go, sprinting in the direction his friends had gone.

Sadie watched his shadow until it disappeared, watched as the guards spilled into the room, pointing guns toward her empty cell, scanning the room for any sign of Steve, but she knew already that he was long gone.

Sadie put her hands behind her head, didn't move until her cell was locked again, didn't talk while they interrogated her, demanded she tell them where the ' _intruders_ ' went. She insisted she wouldn't speak without a lawyer, kept her face brave.

It was only when the guards had left them all, and silence settled among the cells that she felt her eyes burning and the tears fell without permission as she put her head in her hands.

"He'll be okay," Clint's voice was filled with surety, and she glanced up to see him still sat in his own cell. She wiped her tears. "They all will. You'll see him soon."

But already, Sadie was longing for one more kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was long as hell, but I think we've all established at this point that my writing (just like this note) is hella rambly. Like damn, I don't know if the bedsheets thing is stupid or poetic, and yes- We are still talking about Sadie's hair because let's be real, she was not expecting all this, and it ain't braided, and there's no way it wouldn't be the most uncomfortable experience ever to not have been able to comb Black natural hair for like... three days at this point. Chiilee she probably looks so bad.
> 
> Also can you tell I love Sam Wilson because I love Sam Wilson and honestly AoU was probably some of the most boring shit to write because he wasn't in it so CW has actually been a blessing
> 
> To touch on the whole sexual harassment thing- I was watching a documentary about female prisoners in the United States, and sexual assault was a big topic, something that actually just broke my heart. I couldn't help but thinking- if these women were able to stand up for each other, they'd be able to serve their sentences in a more just, and humane way. So I thought I could at least give Sadie and Wanda that camaraderie, for all the women who don't have it.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, even if it was a little brutal! I've had that goodbye scene written for months now, along with the contents of the next couple chapters so I'm so freaking excited to share it all with you! I love crushing Sadie's dreams hehehe
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, and Happy New Year!
> 
> -Amber.


	40. Heartsickness

Steve's chest felt tight even over a week after. If Sadie was with him, she could probably tell him exactly what was wrong, maybe even recommend a treatment for him. But then, if Sadie was with him, his chest wouldn't feel tight.

He knew exactly what his diagnosis was: heartache.

And it was all his stupid fault. Even when he'd said goodbye, Steve was holding back so much. There was so much he wanted her to know, but he knew it would only make things worse.

To say those things. To say he loved her. To have no way of following through.

And he hated this- found himself wishing over and over again that he could go back, do a better job of convincing her. Or better yet, he wished he could make Shan Moore well again.

But Steve knew sickness like that. He knew it could never be that simple, and that Shan needed her daughter, even if he needed Sadie, too.

Still, he was worried out of his mind. Was Sadie still in the Raft? How long until they release her? Would she get a fair trial? When would she get out- in fact what’s to say she would get out at all?

What’s to say they _wouldn’t_ keep her there? Perhaps they would try to intimidate her again, like Wanda had told him they had- despite Sam’s argument that telling him would do no good at all.

Still, Steve had pressed for details and almost turned the Quinjet around to beat the audacity out of those perverts himself, when he heard it all. In fact, he _had_ turned the jet around- but Bucky overpowered him, Sam insisting to Wanda that he’d told her so, and Natasha trying to calm him down like he needed it. Like he was Bruce.

What had he been thinking, to leave Sadie behind? What sort of man was he to do such a thing to the woman he loved? He should have picked her up and dragged her to the jet himself- even if it was wrong, even if she hated him for it- at least she would be safe.

But Steve knew Sadie wouldn’t ever be happy without her mom.

The Wakanda heat had been mercilessly beating against his burned skin for ten days now, and he still wasn't used to it. Steve didn't think he would ever get used to it- a man of Irish heritage was not suited to this climate.

But, still, he was grateful for the refuge he and Bucky had been given, no matter how short his own stay would be. Besides, if he wore clothes light enough, and didn't over exert himself, maybe he could trick himself into believing his exile was simply... a vacation.

If a stranger had caught a glimpse of Steve now, that's probably what they would assume. But he wasn't enjoying a second of it, without her.

Steve spent his days doing odd jobs here and there, but it was hard to find anyone that needed his help in this place. Their technology and intellect was so advanced that any kind of heavy lifting (which was all he felt he was good for these days) was not a problem for the people of Wakanda.

Sadie would have loved to be here, to see all this. Steve could picture her with him if he tried hard enough. She never wore sundresses but she would, here. She’d love the atmosphere of the city more than the country, he thought, but she’d appreciate the animals, and the river too.

And the sun. Sadie would love the sun that Steve couldn’t help but hate when he was without her.

Without her, but not alone. A blessing at least, that he had Bucky, despite it all.

They spent their days reminiscing, and telling tales, and acting like boys again, while they could. Before the Wakandans put Bucky on ice tomorrow, and Steve would leave, go on the road and collect those weapons with Sam and Nat.

Another blessing, that he wouldn’t be alone. That he would have Sam and Natasha. That he had work to do.

Now, Steve breathed in the fresh air as he sat on a balcony, staring at the letter in his hands. He was so grateful it had arrived today, and not tomorrow after he'd left. In fact, Steve wasn't sure how it got here, with Wakanda being as isolationist as it was- he was too happy to hear from her when it was delivered, to remember to ask.

Sadie's writing was your typical doctor's scrawl- all loops and lines and character. At first it had taken Steve a moment to figure which letters were what, and it didn’t help that she had written on graph paper, whereas Steve always wrote on cartridge. But once he had deciphered it, he kept reading over and over.

_Steve,_

_I got your package, and your letter and I wanted to say thank you. I understand that once you're on the road, I won't be able to write you back, and I'm guessing the burner phone is only for emergencies, but I hope you can find time in between saving the world to update me on how you are._

_I guess we should start with the legal before anything else. It's been decided- I'm on 14 months house arrest, and that's me getting off lucky- Lang and Clint were given longer, but Tony spoke for me at court, told them I wasn't involved in any combat. I'm still fired, but he says that he owes me for helping Rhody. Though, I didn’t cure him, and he’ll still need physical therapy. So, I don't think that's all Tony meant._

It wasn't all. When Steve had written to Tony too, he'd added one request at the end of his letter- that he stand up for Sadie, and keep her safe. He was relieved to hear that Tony had done that for him, despite everything Steve had done, or failed to do.

_I'll be staying with Adrianne and her family, I kind of don't have any other choice, it’s been court mandated for the first few months. They say I have different circumstances to the average house arrest, considering what happened with my mom, which I’m still having trouble dealing with._

_After suffering a heart attack, she entered cardiogenic shock. You could research what that is, but I’ll summarise: for eleven hours, her body struggled to pump blood. She passed two days ago, and I was with her. We played all her favourite songs, and despite her discomfort, she still managed to tap her foot because that’s just Mom._

_We bury her next week- she wanted it full Caribbean style, so we’re waiting nine nights. The culture focuses a lot on the funeral party. And it goes big: a feast, dancing and singing, and games, the works. Death is supposed to be a happy reunion, when our life, and our achievements are shared, and celebrated._

_There’s a beauty to the traditions, but I still can't stand the thought of her in that morgue._

There were tear stains on the letter there, no doubt ones that Sadie had unwillingly let spill onto the page as she wrote. Steve wished he could wipe away all her tears, and kiss the spots on her cheeks they had stained. But there were thousands of miles between them now, and he couldn’t reach her.

_I don't want you to worry about me. This isn't the first time I've grieved and it probably won't be the last. Jamie and Adrianne have been looking out for me, making sure I have everything I need. And I'll be allowed out for the funeral._

_I miss you already but I'm glad you're safe, and I'm glad your friend is safe too. (Steve had let out a sigh of relief at the fact that she had not written down Bucky's name.)_

_I keep thinking about our goodbye, and I can't get you off my mind. You make me feel all hope, and optimism, and butterflies. Grief, and loss- they don't exist when I think of you. And when I see you again, don't let me kiss you, because I honestly don't know if I'll stop._

_I want you to stay safe, okay? I want you to promise me that you will, and that when you can, you'll come back to me in one piece, and we can be together. It doesn't matter if they're still looking for you at that point, we can stay on the road, live off the land._

_I want things to be how they were, baby. I want to spend days and nights with you, I want to kiss you forever, I want to hold you, and I want you to hold me and I want to know that nothing will come between us- no matter what._

_And we'll have that, I know we will. We just have to keep strong until that day comes._

_Sending you all my love._

_Your ironically heartsick doctor,_

_Sadie._

“She got you singing the blues in the night?” Bucky's voice came from the doorway behind- playful as he misquoted the old song everyone used to love back in '42- trying and failing to cheer him up.

Steve could practically hear it now, the glorious brass band, the swelling, nostalgic sound. It was nothing like Sadie's music, with it's quick tempo and exciting melodies, but Steve thought she'd like it if he ever played it for her. He supposed if you could sum up the two of them, that was exactly it- their differences were always beat by their appreciation for each other.

"Nah," Steve said, gazing at the Wakanda sunset before him. He wanted to smile, laugh at Bucky’s attempt to cheer him up, but it felt inauthentic. "Nah, that's not her."

That song wasn't her at all. Sadie was much more of a Sinatra tune- one of those romantic ones all the girls used to love. Despite Bucky's words of encouragement following that, Steve's heart still ached, and still felt tight.

It was ironic, Steve supposed, that she had taught him how to live when he had been alive for so long. And it was tragic that without her, he seemed to have forgotten every lesson in _living_ that he had ever been taught.

Now, he was barely going through the motions. He hadn't shaved in days and it was starting to show.

The following day, Bucky was put under the ice, and Steve left Wakanda with his few possessions on his back, and his mother's old rosary in hand. The thread was thinning to the point where he was afraid of it falling apart.

In fact, he dreamt of it- of the thread coming loose, the beads scattering across the ground, and no matter how quick he was, he could never catch them all as they rained down.

As he walked, he held it tightly to minimise the risk.

This was the first time in years that Steve pined for his own mother like a baby. Maybe he was hyper-sensitive to it now, after hearing the news from Sadie. Maybe he just felt for her too much, because he loved her too much, and now he was regressing.

Steve always missed his mother, every man does, but he always knew he could survive. Now, he wasn't sure.

Now, he wished he could return to Brooklyn, just for one day. Return to the times before the war, before his mother died- but after his father did. When it was just the two of them.

If he went back, she'd serve him up a stew like she used to- the old Irish recipe she'd brought over on the boat with her, wrapped up with the others in a little bundle on the recipe holder. They couldn’t afford any seasoning that wasn’t table salt, so it was never the most flavourful, but his mother seemed to have so many tricks to make a lot out of a little.

If he went back, Steve would tell her everything- how he’s travelled to the future, how he found family there, and purpose, and fell in love and how all those things were ruined now. Ruined by the choices he’d made.

Steve would tell his mother it all, if he could. He’d let her hold him how he was too proud to when he was a teen, let her stroke his hair, and tell him fables from her old home. He’d listen to her strong, steady voice, telling him that everything would be okay. That he'd made mistakes but so had everyone. That she’ll watch over him, always.

His prayers, and his rosary, and Sadie's letter were the only things that comforted Steve for the following months, as he missed two of the most important people in his life, deeply.

Steve's heart felt tight, even months and months after.

His diagnosis: heartache.

~

All Sadie heard was white noise, and another of her mother's favourite songs. She wished Shan could have stayed a moment longer to enjoy that melody.

Of course, Shan was there. Or at least her body was. But the hand Sadie held was growing colder by the second.

It burned, so she let go.

"Time of death..."

The voice was Benjamin Wyatt behind her- the neuro specialist on call, in a cruel twist of fate for them both. She looked up at him as he spoke, gathering his strength, it seemed. There were tears in his eyes, but Sadie’s were dry.

"Don’t," Sadie croaked. "Let me call it."

If anything, Wyatt looked relieved to hear it, and she hated him for it, but she understood. Shan Moore meant so much to so many people.

Sadie half expected somebody to tell her she couldn't call time of death for a family member, especially since she wasn't allowed to practice medicine while serving her sentence. But she didn't hear a single voice.

She was sure Stephen Strange would have had something to say about it if he were there. But he was nowhere to be seen, tied up in surgery at Metro General, but he said he would be there as soon as he scrubbed out. Not that there was any point in him coming, now.

Regardless, Sadie knew she had to do this. She had to say it, she had to absorb it.

"Time of death, 03:34," Sadie said, and as soon as she did, it was like a tidal wave.

Her breath caught in her throat, as she gasped for air, and screwed her eyes shut against the burning of her tears. Sadie found herself, by instinct, attaching herself to her mother, as sobs wracked through her, but there was no warm embrace in return, no whispered comforts, no soft kisses on her forehead.

Instead, Sadie sobbed, alone.

She could hear Wyatt telling someone _"turn that music off, damn it!"_ but Sadie didn't care if the music was off or on. She knew it was illogical, but she sat up, took her mother's face in her hands.

"Ma," she choked. "Ma, I need you to come back. I need you. Don't leave me alone here."

Sadie felt abandoned. She had nobody, and it hit her like a ton of bricks. Her sister had left her, her love had left her, and now her mother was dead. She had no job, no home, all she had was Adrianne, and the family she'd intruded on. Her hands were glowing now, involuntarily. Sadie prayed the force of this mimicry could perform a miracle.

"Lord, please," Sadie whispered, her hot tears leaking into the sheets. "God, she's all I have."

But the light in her hands began to dim, and no matter how much she willed it, it would not return. Even her power had abandoned her. Her hands were useless.

 _"When I'm gone, you let someone else give you the love that you're missing from me,"_ Shan's last words to her rang in Sadie's head as she cried. _"Savannah, too. First chance you get, the two of you make yourselves happy."_

It took her two full days to cry enough tears that Sadie felt she could hold any back. Two days of grief and longing. And though, even after that, she couldn't speak, so Sadie sat at her desk, the space she felt most comfortable.

She took some paper. And she wrote, to the only person she wanted to hear from. Isadora Moore spilled her heart in ink addressed to Steve Rogers.

~

Telling Savannah the news had been the hardest thing of all.

When Sadie’s sister picked up the phone, she was so happy to hear from her, so eager to tell all about her final dissertation for Cambridge, how she was this close to a First Class degree. And Sadie had to ruin Savannah’s joy, by telling her their mother had passed away.

And her sister had screamed, so loudly. Sadie hadn't heard a scream like that since Savannah was burnt alive.

They sat together now, still dressed in black dresses, the gravel of the ground rough against their legs as they shared a bottle of rum. The last of the Nine Nights funeral tradition- to enjoy a drink, and then pour it over the grave as a parting gift.

Sadie didn’t know how much of the liquid would be left to pour away as she and Savannah passed it between them, in silence. The sun was setting low over their mother’s fresh grave, marking the end of the nine nights of mourning. Still, Sadie thought she’d be mourning for a lot longer.

“I can’t believe you have to leave so soon,” she sighed, as Savannah leaned her head against her shoulder.

“I wish I didn’t have to, Shell,” Savannah answered. “I wish I could stay here. I love England, but it’s not home.”

“Home is here?”

“Home is here,” she replied.

Sadie sighed, taking another swig of the rum, savouring the warm sensation. “How’s Dad?”

“He’s good,” Sav answered. “I don’t see much of him, I never go back to London apart from when Uni boots us out for the summer. But, he’s getting remarried.”

“Wow,” Sadie said, dumbstruck. “Is she nice?”

“I’ve only met her twice.”

“Does he know about Mom?”

“I told him,” Savannah said. “He seemed sad. But he didn’t think it was a good idea to come to the funeral, and I told him it wasn’t.”

“Sav,” Sadie started, with a frown. “He was married to her for twenty-five years.”

“Yeah, he was,” Savannah said, bitterly. “And then he abandoned her because she wanted to stand by you- and rightly! You were my age when the accident happened- at the time, I thought you were so grown but now I realise how easy it is to make those kinds of mistakes.”

“Savannah…”

“I hate him, Shell,” her sister blurted, the orange of the sunset reflecting like fire in her brown eyes. “He dragged me away from my mother when I was fifteen. And he dragged me away from you. He’s the reason I had so little time with her. So forgive me if I didn’t want him here, if I never want to see him again. I _hate_ him.”

“Mom never wanted us to hate anyone,” Sadie said. “It does you more harm than it does him.”

“Oh, I know,” Savannah scoffed. “Did I tell you his fianceé is only two years older than you?”

Sadie was stunned at that, but she couldn’t help but joke. “Hey, I can’t judge an age gap.”

Savannah barked out a laugh at that too, much more genuinely than Sadie had expected. “Ha! You have infinitely better taste. You remember what Mom used to say about men?”

“Every man acts as either an angel or a devil,” Sadie chuckled.

“But always remember that people are both,” Savannah finished, softly.

“Dad isn’t an angel,” Sadie explained. “But he isn’t a devil either. Mom forgave him, we should too.”

“Shell, I don’t know how I’ll live without you,” Savannah admitted, as Sadie stroked her hair. “I don’t know how I’ll survive school.”

“You’ll survive it, honey,” Sadie whispered. “We’ll facetime every day.”

“You won’t be busy facetiming Steve?” she attempted to joke, but Sadie saw through it. Her sister was afraid she wouldn’t have time for her. Well, with her house arrest, she had nothing but time.

“We don’t exactly have that sort of luxury at the moment,” Sadie said. “He writes me letters. I can’t write back though. Maybe I’ll write you some instead.”

“Yeah, old-school suits him better. Facetime is fine,” Sav laughed.

“You have a point,” Sadie said, pulling herself to her feet and trying not to sway too much from the drink. “Alright, up! Up, up! Time to do the honours.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Savannah said, guzzling down more of the rum as Sadie dragged her off the ground.

“Hey!” Sadie said, grabbing the bottle. “There’ll be none left! At least share!”

She drank too then, and when she was finished, there was less than half the bottle they were supposed to leave for the tradition. Still, Sadie and Savannah approached the fresh grave, their hands gripped tight together.

Sadie let Savannah pour first, watched closely as half of the contents soaked into the dirt. Then she took hold of the bottle herself, poured the rest over the earth, and closed her eyes. 

The two sisters made their prayers. They cried, and they said their goodbyes. And by the time the sun set, they knew, their mother’s spirit was at peace.

It didn’t make it hurt any less.


	41. Affirmation

_Sadie,_

_I can't say how sorry I am to hear about your mother, and how sorry I am that I can't be with you to help you through it._

_I also can't pretend to know how you're feeling, and what this must be like for you. I know that when I lost my mom, nothing anyone said made me feel better, because my whole world had changed._

_But I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and what you're experiencing. And since I can't be there to lend you a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on, I'm instead going to write you a few reminders:_

_Your mother is still out there, and you'll see her again._   
_She made you the woman that you are, and she was proud of you._   
_All that you loved in her, is in you, too._   
_You are strong enough, and resilient enough to survive this._   
_It's okay to let people help you, and to tell them what you need._   
_If you ever feel alone, remember that you're not- and even if you were, having yourself is more than enough._   
_I care about you, and I'm thinking about you, and as soon as this manhunt dies down, I'm coming home to see you._   
_You are the most amazing, the most intelligent, and the strongest person on the planet- and I'm far from the only person to see that. You're more respected than you know._   
_If anyone can get through this, it's you._

_I've included a drawing, like you asked for. I'm still in Africa_ (Sadie supposed he didn't want to get too specific with location) _as I write this, so I've drawn you what I thought you'd like best- "Baobab" trees we spotted by the river. They're huge: rumour has it they've been preserved for fourteen generations, and honestly, I believe it._

_And- here is what I'm most excited to tell you!- I have a medical fact I'm sure you don't know already, because I don't think anyone in the world knows what these people do. The fruit of the Baobab tree is apparently the perfect remedy for a fever, and some of the locals say it repairs the nervous system too. They're trying to make it into a cure for epilepsy. And that's about where my medical knowledge runs short- it seems rather unimpressive in hindsight._

_By the time you read this, I will have left here already. Unfortunately, that's going to have to be the flow of things. I can't send a letter until I'm far away from wherever I was. I hope you can understand._

_I'll write again soon. Please remember all of the things I put in the list above, and go back to it whenever you need._

_Thinking of you always,_   
_Steve._   
  


Sadie hated to cry again.

She'd only cried an hour ago when she realised she'd left her photo album in her house when she'd brought her things to the Valentina home.

Her house, that she couldn't stay in, because she had a tag on her ankle and because she wasn't allowed to grieve alone. She had to hire somebody to water her plants. She had to hire _security_ to make sure she wasn't burgled!

None of that would be a problem if she was allowed to stay in her own home.

But all of that wasn't the reason for her tears earlier- the reason had been that the photo album had all of Sadie's favourite pictures of her mom, and she couldn't look at them.

And now, Steve had written such a lovely letter that she was crying again, wearing his shirt, wishing he were with her.

"Aunt Sadie?" the voice was Sophia Valentina, stood at the door to the guest room with a tray in hand. "Mom was bringing you coffee, but I said I would make it!"

"Thanks baby girl," Sadie sniffed, sitting up and patting the space beside her in the bed.

Sophia followed her gesture, setting down the tray and climbing up, immediately settling into Sadie's side. "Are you sad because of Tìa Abuela?"

"A little," Sadie nodded, folding the letter and tucking it away. "Are you?"

"A little," Sophia shrugged. "We used to read magazines in the hospital. And she used to do my hair."

"I can do your hair," Sadie offered, and Sophia laughed. Sadie took a sip of the coffee- not as strong as she usually had it, but for a ten year-old, it was good. "Woah, 'Fia. You could get a barista job with these skills."

"Thanks, Auntie. What were you reading?" Sophia asked curiously, and Sadie let out a breath.

"You remember Steve? You met him when you were eight," she said, and the girl only frowned in response. Sadie sighed, and tried again. "You remember... Captain America?"

"Um, yeah, I'm not stupid," Sophia said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Captain America and Aceso are an item!"

"Steve and your Aunt Sadie are an item," she corrected, ruffling Sophia's hair. "Anyway, he drew me a picture, and wrote me a nice little list since... Since he broke his phone. And it made me quite happy."

"So you cried?"

"So I cried," Sadie smiled. "Sometimes that's what happens. You get so happy that you cry."

"You sure he didn't make you a little sad, too?" Sophia asked, before bouncing up slightly, a grin on her face. "Sure I don't have to fight him?"

"Oh, I don't think it'd be fair to set such a skilled fighter loose on an amateur like him," she answered, simply. "Even if he did make me a little sad."

"Boys always make people sad."

"True," Sadie agreed. "But I think I made him sad first, this time."

"How?"

"He wanted... to go on vacation," Sadie said, cheerfully as she could. "To Wakanda. You know Wakanda?"

Sophia nodded, looking a little puzzled. "What's in Wakanda?"

"Lots of things, apparently, like cool metals, and trees that can cure epilepsy," she grinned. "But I told him I wouldn't go. And now he's on vacation on his own."

"He doesn't have friends?"

"He does."

"But you're his special friend," Sophia grinned, wiggling her eyebrows, making Sadie laugh genuinely for the first time that day. "Mom and Dad think it's good you came home but..."

"But what?"

"But maybe you could have gone with him. It'd be romantic," she shrugged.

"Yeah, well, your Aunt Sadie loves to self sabotage," Sadie said plainly, setting down her empty mug. She didn't realise how empty her stomach was.. "Don't be like me- be like your Mom."

"I can't be like you both?" Sophia asked, with a frown.

Sadie almost felt bad, to talk to her goddaughter that way, but she suddenly felt so impatient, suddenly wanted to be alone. And where Sophia nestled into her side had once felt comforting, it now felt claustrophobic, and Sadie could feel the irritability rising within her.

But she wouldn't snap on a child.

"Thanks for the coffee, 'Fia," Sadie said, pressing a kiss to the child's forehead. "I've got a big, big headache though. D'you think you could take the tray away and turn the light off as you go?"

"You can't use your powers to fix it?" she asked, and Sadie took another breath.

She hadn't been able to make her hands glow since her mother died.

"Sometimes things just need a little time."

"Okay, Auntie," Sophia smiled, dragging herself from the satin sheets. "I'm sorry you're sad."

"Thank you," Sadie said. "I'm sorry you're sad, too. Later, I'll read you magazines and do your hair like Tìa Abuela used to do. Sound good?"

"Can you do me a French Braid?" Sophia asked, with an excited smile.

"Absolutely," Sadie smiled. "Give me a couple hours, I'll be right out."

As soon as the door clicked shut, and the light turned off, Sadie thought she would feel some relief, but she didn't. It was hard to talk, but just as hard to be alone, too.

She let herself sink into the black satin, pulled the material of Steve's shirt up against her neck as she settled into a fetal position. Inhaled.

The scent of his cologne was starting to fade already- why did he have to wear the subtle stuff? Still, she had four other shirts and two sweaters of his, so she couldn't complain. It was the closest she'd get to being held by him, now.

Sadie had nothing to simulate her mother though, not even the photographs in the leatherbound album. She could ask Adrianne to pick it up, but she'd already asked for so much.

Her body ached, and her head pounded, and all Sadie had for comfort was Steve's letter, which her eyes were too tired to read over again. She pictured his strong hand against the page, traced her own over the cursive writing- not dissimilar to the melancholy war letters she'd studied in school.

Sadie held the sketch paper close to her heart.

She tried imagine what Shan's advice to her would be, but she couldn't think of anything wise enough. She wished so badly to speak to her mother again, if only for a final time. If only to ask her how Sadie could be as strong and resilient as she was supposed to be- as Steve believed she was.

If only she could ask her mother how to be strong enough to get out of this damned bed.

"Get out of the damn bed," a voice said, shocking Sadie out of her wits.

She opened an eye to note Adrianne at the foot of the bed, her hands on her hips. She was dressed in workout gear, her long dark hair in a bun atop her head and a bottle of water in hand.

"I don't wanna," Sadie sighed, pulling her duvet closer around herself. "Unless you have one of two things waiting out there for me: my mom, or my man."

"I have neither," Adrianne said. "What I do have, is an incredibly difficult case I've been trying to crack."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Exploratory surgery is never ideal- I could do with the help of New York's finest diagnostician to figure out what's wrong without us cutting," Adrianne smiled. "It'll be good for you. And we can even do a work out after."

"A workout? Why?"

"You're always telling patients that movement makes them feel better. How about we take your own advice?"

"What, that movement is the key to feeling okay?" Sadie sighed. "That was my mom's advice, not mine. I stole it."

"Still," Adrianne said. "You don't like to train?"

"I do like to train," Sadie said, with a sad sigh. "I used to train with Steve. He went away."

"And?" Adrianne said, with that tough love tone Sadie did not want to hear. "What are you gonna do now he's gone? Watch the 'Emotion' video forty more times like last night?"

"Listen, it's comfort music, and that story hits me," Sadie argued. "Only thing I don't relate to is Beyoncé bleaching her boy's clothes."

"Why are you lying? We both know you've been there _several_ times," Adrianne retorted. "So are you gonna let me hold you up like those girls did? Or are you gonna stick to it on your own?"

Sadie didn't want to answer that so she closed her eyes, pulled her covers over her head. She felt a weight shift beside her, then her friend's hands on her shoulders.

"Is everyone just getting in my bed today?" Sadie groaned, but she was actually quite touch starved as Adrianne settled beside her.

"We don't have to leave this bed if you're not ready," Adrianne said. "But I'm not going to leave you here by yourself."

"We could be here forever," Sadie said.

"That's fine by me," her best friend laughed. "I could do with some time out of the OR."

"You'll practically combust if you don't get to cut," she argued. "And d'you know what happens if you stay in a bed too long? Bed sores, muscle degeneration, heightened stress levels..."

"So I'm gonna let you deal with all that on your own?" Adrianne asked, rhetorically. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

Sadie thought for a moment. It was clear her best friend wasn't going anywhere, and that she would be stuck there with her for as long as Sadie refused to move. So what could she do to make it easier for herself to brave the outside world again? Or at least, outside this guest room.

She glanced back at Steve's letter before folding it away, and peeping her head over the covers.

_Let people help you, and tell them what you need._

"Okay, here's my proposal," Sadie said, turning to face her friend. "I'll crack your medical case. After I crack my mom's."

"What?"

"I just need some clarity," Sadie said. "The case doesn't make sense to me."

"Your mother's case?" Adrianne asked.

"That's what I said," Sadie sighed. "When I left for Europe, she was doing fine. Up to date with her chemo, up to date with her radiation and she had a surgery scheduled for that week. But her surgery wasn't performed, and it wasn't even the cancer that killed her. It was a heart attack."

"Sometimes these things have... unexpected complications," Adrianne said.

"But why wasn't the surgery performed?" Sadie said. "I thought if she'd die anywhere, she'd die on the table-"

"Dark."

"-but true, right?" Sadie said, chewing her lip. "It was the most likely outcome, the next likely being survival. But she didn't get either of those. She got a massive MI!"

"I don't have any answers for you-"

"Why wasn't the surgery performed?" She asked again. Adrianne shook her head with a sigh. "It's your department, shouldn't you know? Was it rescheduled, was it- was it bumped off the board? Was there something wrong with the OR?"

"Strange said he couldn't perform it," Adrianne said eventually. "He called from Metro General after we sent him the updated scans. He said it's best to wait a few weeks longer, I trusted his judgement as a surgeon."

"Okay," Sadie breathed, but she was only more confused. "What did he see in the scans?"

"Honestly, you'd need to ask him," Adrianne said. "I was in a trauma room, I just got the message from a nurse."

_Tell them what you need._

"Maybe I do need to ask him," Sadie said. "I need to call Strange, I need to understand this case back to back. And I need you to leave me alone while I do that-"

"Sadie, I didn't mean now."

"Please, Adrianne, this is what I _need,"_ she said. "I won't be on my own, will I? I'll be having human interaction with Stephen Strange."

"Who is sort of a jackass," Adrianne huffed.

"Who is sort of a genius," Sadie argued. "Will you go? I'll come out right after, work on that case with you. I'll have something that's not coffee and I'll even work out. After I do Sophia's hair and read her magazines."

"Look at you," Adrianne smiled, sitting up. "A working to-do list. This is progress!"

"Yeah, yeah, just pass me my phone?" Sadie asked, and her friend complied, leaving quickly after Sadie ushered her out.

The phone rang six times before there was any response, and it wasn't a response that thrilled Sadie right away.

"Good afternoon," said a woman's voice, who Sadie didn't recognise. "Doctor Strange is currently performing surgery at the moment, he's asked me to ask you if it's important."

"Who's speaking?"

"Nancy McFarlane, I'm the scrub nurse," the woman said.

"Well, Nancy," Sadie said. "You tell Strange that of course it's important, or I wouldn't call."

"She said it is important-"

"Wait is he there?" Sadie frowned, noticing telltale background music. "You're in the OR?"

"Yes, ma'am, but-"

"Put me on speakerphone," Sadie sighed, and it was shortly followed by a sharp click, and the distant voice of Stephen Strange.

"Dr Moore, I am elbow deep in a man's spine right now, so please make this quick," he said. "What do you need? A character statement for the court?"

"Oh, and what would that include?" Sadie asked, curiously.

"Isadora Moore is a very good doctor, and a very good party host,' Strange started. "But what she is not good at, is picking a convenient time to call!"

"While that's very flattering, luckily my time in the courtroom is done," Sadie said. "I'm calling about my mother."

"Oh," he responded, and said nothing more after that. Then he addressed what Sadie could only assume was an OR full of eager students. "Okay everybody, if you haven't got your hands on a surgical table or on life saving machinery, then you're useless, and I'm going to need you all out."

There was a long moment of silence then, and the noise of shuffling feet and scrubs.

"Okay, Dr Moore, continue."

"I was just thinking about her case," Sadie said. "How that last surgery of hers fell through?"

"Isadora, I-" Strange stopped himself then, and there was the sound of surgical tools whirring. "Is this a conversation I should have a lawyer for?"

"Is this a conversation you _need_ a lawyer for?"

"Not unless you plan to sue," he said, and Sadie could have laughed.

"I'm not going to sue you, Stephen," she assured him. "You gave my mother more time than any other surgeon was willing to. Unless you screwed up?"

"I never screw up."

"I just need some closure on it all," Sadie explained. "Why couldn't you perform the surgery?"

"There was a complication in the route of resection," Strange said. "I can send you the scans if you're ready to see them. The glioblastoma had grown uncontrollably in the six week recovery period before-" the sound of more tools. "Before her last surgery was scheduled."

"How?" Sadie asked. "Chemo and radiation were going as planned."

"In the targeted areas, yes," he explained. "It didn't grow where I'd previously resected- it was just growing further back, almost to the occipital lobe. Surgery so soon would've been a risk. I wanted to wait."

"Since when do you avoid risk?" Sadie asked, confused. "Miss a chance to show off?"

It was unlike Stephen Strange to back off a surgery because of an obstacle- it was much more like him to cut straight into the drama, show just how much of a genius he was. Strange sighed, audibly.

"This is... it was a special case," he admitted. "And I'll be honest, here- this is the only time you'll hear something like this from me, so soak it in. I have too much respect for you to have put my ego before your mother."

_You're more respected than you know._

"Thank you," Sadie said, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, well, like I said," Strange said, plainly. "You won't hear it again. I'll send the scans and the files your way. You want them all?"

"All of it," she confirmed. "Down to the last note. The Presbyterian won't share anything."

"Lucky for you, I'm not on their payroll," he replied. "I'll have it in your inbox by this evening. McFarlane, would you hang up?"

Before Sadie could thank him again, the phone clicked off.

She was closer to some of the answers, at least. Closer to some closure on Shan Moore's death, on the timing of it all. And Sadie thought it would make her feel better, but it didn't.

It didn't change the fact that her mother was gone.

She wanted nothing more than to go back to bed then, but she thought of Sophia, and Adrianne, and the promises she made to them, and how lucky she was to have a family like this to help her through.

So Sadie dragged herself to her feet, keeping the beautiful words of Steve's letter at the front of her mind, imagining his low voice assuring her.

_Your mother is still out there, and you'll see her again... she was proud of you._

_Having yourself is more than enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! I really, really didn't expect to get this chapter out this weekend, with the gorgeous combination of writer's block and flu I've been battling. But luckily, I had my plan for the chapter, and I had Steve's letter written out for quite some time- actually have a short collection of the letters lol I might weave them into the chapters as the story goes on, but we'll see what fits!
> 
> Hopefully this chapter feels a little lighter, and easier to read than the last. Of course, I wanted Sadie to still be grieving etc, but I wanted some humour in there too to break it all up, as I really don't want to tire you guys!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!  
> -Amber.


	42. Disoriented

"You did well today, baby."

Sadie's voice is silk and honeysuckle and Steve could collapse with the sound of it.

He closes his eyes, revels in her company. In the feeling of her glowing hands on his crown as she stands over him, in the sound of her breath, in the scent of her perfume.

"Did I?" Steve's voice trembles obnoxiously and he steadies his shaking hands on her hips.

It feels stupid to ask. He knows he didn't. He knows she's only saying that because she has to. Because she's his girl.

"You did," Sadie says, simply.

Steve can hardly breathe. "But those kids..."

"You did well today," she repeats, her power washing over him, a familiar stream.

He's clinging onto her like she's the last solid thing on earth, because she is. His forehead is resting against her abdomen and that's when he realises she's wearing scrubs.

Not the black of the Stark Industries scrubs he saw her in so often, but a blue that he hasn't seen her wear in years, now. Not since he was her patient.

Steve's in blue, too- his suit, but not the dark Kevlar that he ripped the silver star off... three months ago? Three years ago? Three years from now? Four?

Either way, he's dressed in a costume that's old fashioned, and she's in a doctor's coat. He looks up at her and her face is different, somehow.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the silver of her name tag. He looks different too. He looks fresh, like there's a million things that haven't happened yet.

Perhaps because they haven't.

The metal he's staring at has the SHIELD logo engraved on it, but he can't read the text- the letters are swimming.

"Sadie, I love you," Steve says, his heart exploding in his chest. "You know it, don't you? You know I love you?"

Sadie only smiles sadly. "You've never said it."

"I said it to the world," he tries, desperately.

"You've never said it to me," she says. "I won't know it until I hear it. From you, not any other way."

"Can I kiss you?" Steve asks her, desperately.

Suddenly, there's a light in his eyes, and they're in the Tower, and he can't stop blinking. There's a clicking, and Steve realises the light is Sadie's pen light. She draws away from him, puts the light in the pocket of her doctor's coat.

"Please, doll. Let me kiss you," he says, his voice strangled.

"We're not there yet, Captain Rogers," she says, simply. "I need to take your blood pressure, your weight, check your hearing... Make sure you're done defrosting."

"What?" Steve finds himself asking, suddenly confused, and dazed. His head is spinning.

"I treated you when you were in the ice..." Everything is suddenly distant. "I've been curious to know how you've been getting on..."

"Sadie, something is wrong," he says, and she doesn't register him. "Sadie-"

"Anaesthesia should be working soon," Sadie says, her voice still the picture of professionalism, no longer silk and honeysuckle.

"Please..."

"I'll be right here when you wake up, Captain," she smiles. "You did well today, baby."

There's something squeezing his left arm now, tight, constricting, and where he expects to see a pressure cuff, Steve sees a snake. It's scales are flaming red and gold against the cartoon blue of his suit. It's scales are metal, his suit is fucking polyester.

He stares up at Sadie as she drops to his level, and he thinks she's going to flash her pen light again, but she doesn't. Instead, she brings her glowing hand to the side of his face.

"Let me kiss you," Steve says, because it's all he knows how to.

Sadie smiles, nods, says: "I'll be here when you wake-"  
  


Nobody was there when Steve woke up.

He woke suddenly- the ceiling fan in his sketchy motel room was roaring too loud- it sounded like the choppers they'd spent so long avoiding.

It took Steve a moment to remember who he was, and when he was. His left arm ached, and he drowsily slapped his palm against it- half expecting to find the red and gold iron around him.

His hand came up empty- no snakes, no scales, no pressure.

Turning in the sepia light, Steve wondered why he hadn't closed his curtains until he realised there weren't any curtains to close. He stretched his arm across the scratchy cotton sheets, reaching for Sadie.

He just wanted to know she was there, after that disorienting dream, know that she knew him- properly knew him. But his arm only dangled off the edge of the single bed- his hand coming up empty again.

Sadie wasn't there. She was in New York, across the river, mourning. And he couldn't help her.

Steve hated being in New Jersey, he hated being on the run, he hated dusty motels they had to break into and he hated being tired quickly, and waking up so soon after.

Checking the clock, Steve realised it was still early in the night, and Sam's bed was still empty. He'd been asleep for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes.

Was that all it took for a dream that felt like hours?

He dragged himself to his feet, looked out of the curtainless window. Three rodents hopped across the car park. Steve didn't let it bother him- they would be leaving tomorrow morning anyway, headed West via the hidden Quinjet again.

They could have slept aboard as they had for the past three months, but Natasha had insisted they deserved a 'treat' after finishing their mission, clamping down the weapons threat.

Steve still didn't understand how this place was a treat.

Still, they would be leaving tomorrow and- he'd almost forgotten the most important thing- he hadn't written a letter to send to Sadie since arriving in New Jersey!

He hadn't missed a single letter for a single week in the three months they'd been apart.

No wonder he'd been dreaming of her so strangely, no wonder he'd woken so distressed, no wonder she'd been so robotic in the illusion.

Steve didn't waste any time, digging through his backpack for the sketchbook he used to write and draw, and a pencil- any pencil to sketch with.

He was grateful for his insomnia, if it meant he could do something for her. Draw, for her, write, for her. 

_Sadie,_

_The view I've sketched for you is how things look from my motel room in Jersey. It's not the greatest, but I thought it wouldn't be very honest if I only drew you the glamorous parts. A few minutes ago, I actually saw three rats run across the parking lot._

_Jersey is as Jersey always is. Which means not the greatest. And it makes it even worse to know I'm so close to you- I could hop on a train right now and be at your doorstep before the sun rises. But I know the details of your house arrest and I know you can't have any contact with me. This is risk enough._

_We had a confrontation this week, and it all came to a head today. A mission against one of the black arms dealers we've been tracking. It was long, and hard, and we managed to shut down the entire operation, but that was only after three civilian hostages, all children below the age of fifteen. The youngest was eight. We made sure the kids left without a scratch on them, but I know that's not enough. I know they'll face trauma for the rest of their lives._

_I'm sorry, it's selfish of me to say all of this. You know in the war, the few Commandos who had girls at home would sugarcoat it all in their letters. They'd tell them 'baby, I've had the most glorious day on a French beach' after spending hours under fire with only a wooden rowboat between us and a HYDRA base. They'd write 'darling, the snow is beautiful in Berlin', even as we shivered in the woods with only our uniforms on our backs._

_They were better men than me. I should tell you something more comfortable, like 'we had a routine mission and then it was back to movie-watching', or 'we've been sightseeing', or anything besides the fact that three kids were left traumatised today. That would be the brave thing to do. But it wouldn't be honest._

_I noticed something about myself today. When we reunited those kids with their parents, and there were smiles and laughter, and tears of joy- Sam and Nat revelled in it. They were proud of their good work, happy those children were unaffected. Even now, they're together next door, and I can hear them through the wall, laughing and chatting like all is well in the world, because I guess it is, in ours. We've clamped down the threat, ended all this- for now, at least._

_But I realised that at the end of everything, after Sokovia, after Florence and Lagos and countless other times, it was always you that I gravitated towards. Of course, I understand it now- I adored you with everything by the time we got to Italy, but before that I was drawn to the bond we were building. You were always the one to pull me out of my own head, remind me that it was over, that we had something to celebrate._

_Being in Jersey again, has also made me think. We drove past the exact spot where you came to heal me all that time ago, and I realised how strange that entire situation actually was. Of course, I knew you, and you knew me, but we put so much trust in each other. It probably wasn't sensible. Fury told me not to trust anybody, but I trusted you. And you hadn't used your powers in years, but you decided that was good reason to. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, and you only helped me because I was your patient at the time, but I know for me, I felt I could let you in because I just knew you were good. Like most people do, when they meet you, I guess._

_As usual, I'm counting the days until I see you again. Whenever that is._

Steve paused his pen on the page as he started to sign off, thinking thoroughly for a moment of what greeting to write. Then he reminded himself firmly that a twenty first century woman wouldn't care how he signs off his letters.

So he didn't think any harder as he wrote the most truthful thing to sign off with:

_All my love,_   
_Steve._

_P.S: I'm sorry this is late. I promise to be more punctual from now on._   
  


"I knew you'd be awake."

Natasha's voice in his ear would have made Steve jump if he hadn't heard her creep in from the next room, felt her tip toe all the way over to him with the intent of giving him a fright.

He didn't fall for it, instead he stayed still in his seat by the tiny desk. Natasha clearly wasn't happy about that fact, aggressively flopping down onto his bed, her newly bleached bob pinned away from her face.

"Thought you went to sleep an hour ago, Grandpa," she finished, and he shrugged, folding up his letter.

"The fan is too loud."

"Come and have a drink with us," Natasha said. "Celebrate. We had a big win today."

"Did we?" Steve didn't mean to ask it- he'd been thinking it in his head and only realised he'd said it out loud when Natasha raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head. "Forget it, I'm sorry. We did."

"You still beating yourself up about those kids?" she asked.

Was he that obvious? Maybe only to her- Natasha Romanoff seemed to be able read anyone and everyone, always. It wasn't always so easy to read her.

He tried to get the image out of his head- three kids suspended in chains, guns to their temples.

"I should never have let it escalate to that," he said, honestly. "If I hadn't missed those guys in the warehouse, if Sam hadn't been there-"

Steve stopped himself, then. He was supposed to be a leader, not wallow in self pity and fish for reassurance.

He never thought he'd ever get to the point where he missed their meetings and debriefed at the Compound- at least he could put some kind of action to his failures then. Put it as a note in a database, keep track, never make the same mistake again.

Natasha only stood from where she lay. "Come and have a beer."

"It doesn't make a difference for me," Steve reminded her.

"I know," she shrugged. "Pretend it does." 

~

Sadie had been worried out of her mind- but she hadn't known it.

The first two months of her house arrest had been spent mourning, and wallowing in her own self pity. The third month was when Sadie felt she was finally on her feet, even if the ground was shaking.

Her routine was fairly simple. She worked out, she cooked and cleaned, she watched movies and had more pamper days than she had ever had time for before. Sadie helped her godchildren with their homework, and it was so lovely to be so close to Jacob and Sophia, to see them grow.

The highlights of her week though, was these Saturday mornings, when she worked through medical cases with Adrianne over breakfast- like they used to work on projects together in med school. If Sadie tried hard to forget everything, it felt like she was doing a consult, and she adored it.

But this week, Sadie couldn't forget anything at all. Because Steve hadn't written to her in two weeks.

Alarm bells weren't quite ringing for her yet- she knew how quickly a week can go by while you're on a mission, especially one that's high stakes. It was most likely that Steve simply hadn't had a chance to sit down and write.

Or maybe he _couldn't_ write. Maybe he'd been compromised.

And Sadie didn't know what she'd do if that had happened. It was terrible to think it, but if something were to go wrong, there was really no best case scenario. It would be twenty years prison from the authorities, or something worse from criminals.

Both of those outcomes would mean that she could never be with Steve again...

"Stop worrying," Adrianne said, with a raised eyebrow.

Sadie pushed up her glasses, shuffling the papers in front of her. "I'm not."

"You just asked me what pneumonia is," her friend teased. "I think it's fair to say your mind is elsewhere-" Adrianne turned to her husband behind them. "-Babe, isn't her mind elsewhere?"

"Your mind is elsewhere," Jamie confirmed from his seat on the couch, where Jacob and Sophia sat beside him, watching cartoons on TV, and munching on cereal.

"You're only saying that because you have to agree with her," Sadie huffed. "You two don't have to parent me, you know."

"Of course," Adrianne said, absentmindedly as she jotted down notes. "And you don't have to listen for the mail so hard. It'll arrive at ten, like it always does."

"I'm not being unreasonable," she continued. "It's okay to worry when you haven't heard from someone."

"Especially your partner," Jamie piped up, and it was Sadie's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Now you're on my team?" she asked.

"No, I'm on my wife's team, always," he grinned, and Sadie rolled her eyes. "But I'm playing Devil's Advocate."

"Ah, that makes much more sense," Sadie said, in mock bitterness. "Anyway it's not like I'm worrying for no reason. If he was home I wouldn't be worried."

"I know, Sadie," Adrianne said, sincerely, finally setting down her pen.

"And honestly, Steve's doing some dangerous work out there- you know how dangerous it is?" only nods in response. "I mean sure, he doesn't get hurt as easily, but he still does sometimes and what makes it worse it that I know he'll just ignore it if he does! One time he was literally walking on a broken leg and said it doesn't hurt."

"You're making that up," Jamie chuckled, but his smile dropped when he saw the look on her face.

"Now do you get why I'm worried?" Sadie asked, checking her watch. It was ten already- where was the mailman?

"Because you're in love?" Adrianne asked, simply.

"Yes- wait," Sadie said, narrowing her eyes. "I never said that."

"Oh, we totally need to parent you," Jamie laughed, and she pulled a tongue at him.

"Of course I have feelings for Steve," she said, awkwardly.

"Feelings are all well and good," Adrianne said. "But you love him. You're madly in love."

"I'm not _madly_ in love," Sadie argued, before hesitating slightly. "Maybe... maybe just a little in love."

It was a lie. Sadie knew it, Adrianne knew it, Jamie knew it, and the kids would probably call her out on it if they weren't so attached to My Little Pony.

Sadie was totally, inexplicably in love. But she hadn't let herself even think it. Before the Accords, it had been because she was still setting boundaries for herself- and so was Steve- in their new relationship. It simply hadn't been long enough since they got together for her to 'love' him, right?

But now that she thought about it, Sadie thought she was falling in love with Steve way before their relationship was official. And now, with their separation, she still didn't let herself think it because it was simply too hard.

But of course, her friends wouldn't let her get away with that.

Before they could tease her anymore, there was a ding on the door, indicating the mail had arrived. Sadie sprung up from her seat, but Adrianne beat her to the door.

"I'll get it," her friend said firmly. "You're only going to be disappointed if there's nothing there. I'll let you know if there's anything for you."

Sadie sat down without an argument, knowing her friend was right. It felt like years that Adrianne sorted through the mail before she returned with a stack of letters in hand.

"Bills, bills, bills," she said, tossing the envelopes onto the table. "Work, and more work," she continued, before pausing at a much skinnier envelope Sadie recognises immediately. Adrianne tossed it over to her. "Jersey!"

The last time Sadie had opened a letter so quickly it had been her med school results. All this tension that she didn't realise she had been carrying was suddenly released at the sight of Steve's familiar handwriting and artwork.

And as she read, and imagined Steve's voice, his heart, his feeling... It was undeniable that Isadora Moore was a little, madly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh what's that- a surprise update? It's probably super irresponsible to do this now since I don't have the next chapter written like I usually try to, but I just really wanted to post! So if there's any mistakes or inconsistencies- that's why lmao
> 
> I wrote Steve's dream at like literally 3AM and I think it shows- hopefully it wasn't too confusing with the present tense and the lack of italics, I just really wanted to confuse y'all lol. Let me know if you would have preferred it in italics, and I'll switch it up!  
> Also, Sadie took her damn time saying she loves him lmao- now they just gotta say it to each other hehehe
> 
> Let me know what you thought!  
> -Amber.


	43. The Curious Case of Dr Strange

"Lightning round, best of three, Mamita versus Auntie!" Jacob yelled, and Sadie readied herself for the challenge. "Ready? First up: Australian!"

"Ah, this one's easy since I've watched a lot of Australian TV," Sadie grinned, in her best attempt at an Australian accent.

"German!"

"Funny you say that, Frau Moore," Adrianne cut in, her voice in a caricature accent. "I've been watching a lot of war films."

"That explains the terrible job you've done, Mom," Sophia laughed, and her mother shushed her playfully.

"It's all riding on this one," Jacob shouted, much more concerned with keeping the game going. "Daddy, drumroll, please!"

Jamie Valentina complied instantly, his hands drumming against the back of the guitar he grabbed from the corner of the room. Sadie didn't mention he could have just drummed on the table- she was far too invested in winning this next round.

"Are you ready?" Jacob giggled, holding the card tight to his chest. The group nodded eagerly. "Are you sure?"

"Mijo, don't drag it out-"

"-Jamaican!"

Sadie couldn't help her loud chuckle as she cut in, Adrianne still in the midst of chastising her son. "Oh, me dead wid laugh," she said, in her best Caribbean accent. "You do that on purpose? Want your Auntie to win?"

"You sound just like Tía Abuela!" Sophie giggled, and Sadie felt Adrianne tense beside her, and there was a sharp pain in her heart but she didn't let it show.

"I do?" Sadie laughed, and the two kids agreed. She didn't know why she felt a swell of pride at that. "Well, we all know that I am the master of impressions in this house."

Adrianne scoffed loudly at that, shifting where they sat on the floor. "You're not as good as me."

 _"You're not as good as me,"_ Sadie repeated, with a raised eyebrow, satisfied at the children's gasps. "Years of practise!"

"Okay, that was freakishly good," Jamie piped up, from his chair. "I'm scared."

Adrianne shot him playful daggers, and lunged forward to attack her husband with tickles, pulling him to the ground with her- but it was a well known fact Jamie wasn't ticklish, so he only littered his wife with quick, innocent kisses in response.

Sadie tried not to let it hurt to see it.

"Gross," she said, playfully, placing Sophia's left hand over her brother's eyes, her own hand over Sophia's and finally her right hand over her own, so the three were a chain of covered eyes.

"Listen," Jamie said, and Sadie dared to peek at the couple as they separated. "Love is a good thing in our home!"

Sophia's teasing was drowned out by a repetitive chiming of Sadie's phone ringing, and she was surprised to see the number of her worker's union- her stomach dropping as she stood, rushing into the kitchen to answer.

Aceso's house arrest had been decided months ago, yes; Doctor Moore's license was still in the air. She didn't expect good news. But she didn't expect this, either.

"The good news is that you haven't been stricken off the register," her lawyer said, his voice tired. "A suspension does not mean you can never practise again-"

"It only means I can't practise for three years," Sadie said, bluntly. She wasn't shocked, not even upset- she hadn't expected to ever be a doctor again, anyway. Who would hire a felon?

"Yes," her lawyer sighed. "But with the ten months left of your house arrest, it'll really feel like two. One and a half, if you take the option of entry level voluntary work in the last six months."

"Entry level?" Sadie repeated, frustration rising in her. "Have they taken a look at my bibliography? My journals and research? My stand out cases? Does that all look entry level to them?"

"You will have your career back, Dr Moore," he sighed. "But you're on thin ice. When your sentence finishes, you have to turn up to parole or you'll be stricken off and lose your license. That means you have to stay in New York."

"Where else would I go?" Sadie asked, innocently. "Thank you for all your hard work. Send me the documents via email, please?"

"Absolutely," her lawyer said, and the line clicked off.

"What's the verdict?" Adrianne asked, closing the door to the living room as she joined her in the kitchen.

"Suspension," Sadie shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I think the entire medical community has forgotten I exist already."

"Not true," Adrianne tutted, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, very true," Sadie said, pouring a cup of coffee from the steaming pot. "I haven't heard from my colleagues from Stark for obvious reasons. Nobody wants to hang out with their felon ex-boss."

"That sounds like a relationship to nurture, honestly," her best friend teased, taking the coffee Sadie offered her.

"I haven't even heard from Strange," Sadie added, sipping her own drink. Usually she sweetened it, added foamed milk. Now, she couldn't be bothered. "Asshole."

"You haven't heard from Strange?" Adrianne asked,

"No... What's that look?"

"I thought he might have reached out to you after everything, you know," Adrianne said, casually. "Asked if you could help him? I thought you might still be struggling with your hands-"

"Why would he need my hands?" Sadie asked, her heart racing as she set down her cup.

"You really haven't heard?"

"The one time I actually need you to be a blabber mouth!" Sadie exclaimed, and she wondered distantly if she still sounded like her mother, even without the accent. "Spit it out!"

"Strange was in a car accident," Adrianne said gravely. "I took hours to get to him, his hands were crushed. He can't cut anymore."

"Oh my God," Sadie breathed, shocked, as she tapped her fingers across her phone screen, scrolling past numbers in her inbox. "When was this?"

"About a month ago now, coming up to two," Adrianne responded. "Metro General did their best for him but..."

**SADIE**   
_Hi, Stephen. I just heard about what happened, I hope you're okay. Can I call you?_

"Apparently he's had, like, twenty procedures already," Adrianne continued.

"Why didn't he come to me?" Sadie frowned, waiting for a response to her text.

**_Read_** _7:09 PM_

"Maybe it's a good thing he didn't," Adrianne said, softly. "You haven't lit up your hands in... how long now?"

"Because I never had to," she answered, nonchalantly.

Truth was, she'd been scared to try after she failed when her mother died. It had been far too easy for her to neglect her mimicry during her house arrest.

What made her more afraid was that she truly did believe that her abilities mimicked her, too. When she nurtured them, they nurtured her, so she had been scared that since she'd neglected them, they would neglect her in turn.

Still, she had to break the cycle somehow.

Sadie watched the typing bubble appear besides Stephen's icon (no picture, no matter how hard she'd tried to snap one at the New Year's party, it was still the default 'S').

Then the bubble disappeared, and didn't reappear.

**SADIE**   
_I'll take that as a yes._

Sadie left the kitchen without another word, insisting to the kids that she'd be right back as she hurried to the guest room, the line ringing out in her ear. She was sure it would go to voicemail when the ringing finally stopped, and Stephen Strange's raspy voice spoke on the other end of the line.

"Doc... Doctor Stephen Strange speaking."

His voice carried none of the usual bravado Sadie would expect from the announcement. So different from the last time they spoke.

"It's Sadie," she said hesitantly, listening to his sigh. "You know it's me, you saw my message."

"Oh, Isadora, sorry I... I tried to reply," Stephen said, tiredly. "I couldn't... I couldn't type."

"Oh," Sadie said, unsure of how to respond. It probably took a lot for him to admit that to her. So, so different from the last time they spoke. "Is there anyone to help you?" 

"There was Christine," he said, his voice trailing off. "She left yesterday."

She could read between the lines. There was nobody.

Sadie sat down, glanced down at the tag on her ankle, never more angry with it than now as she twisted the thick plastic. She wished it would just release- click open like it had clicked shut, leave her be, stop weighing down the skin beneath.

"Is there anything you need?" Sadie asked. She was rewarded with silence. "You got food in your pantry?"

"I ordered in," Stephen answered. "Chinese. It tastes like crap, but I ate it."

Her right hand was glowing against her ankle tag now, faint and quiet, and nothing like the light she knew, but it was there. She hadn't turned it on.

Then with a click, the tag released like a key had been turned in it as it dropped to the ground with a thunk. Sadie swallowed her surprise, running her hand over the lighter band of cold skin, slightly raw now from the tag.

She waited, expected an alarm. She heard nothing. The small lights on the machine were still on- green, not flashing red. She was in the clear.

Perhaps her mimicry _did_ still want to nurture her, despite her neglect. It was a thing of its own mind.

"You don't need to worry, and you don't need to call," Stephen huffed. "I can recover on my own, I don't need anyone."

Sadie sighed, flexing her ankle to ease the tension. Glanced out of the window to the darkening street below.

What harm would it do? Who would even know she was gone? She was already suspended from the Board, what else did she have to lose?

 _Twenty years in prison,_ a small voice nagged at her, but she pushed it away. Who would she be, how could she call herself Aceso if she let this man suffer alone?

"Stephen, I'll be right there."

~

Sadie was drenched from the rain- she'd crept across the city as incognito as she could get, a pedestrian since her car wasn't available to her. She dressed in what she could snatch from Adrianne's wardrobe, all black with the added bonus of a turtleneck sweater and Steve's jacket that she lived in.

She felt stupid, sitting there on the subway in plainclothes and a baseball cap, especially when she'd teased Steve and Sam for it so many times.

At least she hadn't worn sunglasses- makeup was her disguise tonight, she wore it how she usually never did, dark eyeshadow changing her eyes completely, blusher swapped out for contour, red lip swapped for an ashy nude.

And it had rained, poured on her as she walked, but it still wasn't enough to calm her glowing hands which burned brighter now, bordering on uncomfortable. She repressed the heat as best she could, wore leather gloves and shoved her hands in the pockets of Steve's jacket.

The effect wasn't the same as when Steve would hold her hands in that way he used to, on the occasion that her mimicry refused to dim.

She'd be so wound up after a mission that she couldn't stop it, sometimes- or her powers might have been dormant for a while, from choice, or injury, or grief. And as soon as Sadie let her abilities loose, it would return with a vengeance.

Regardless of the reason for her lack of control, he would never judge her, never scold her, he'd only hold her hands and breathe with her and... she wondered how he was, where he was.

Maybe after this work with Strange was done she could call Steve and tell him she was sick of missing him.

That the letters weren't cutting it and she wanted him to come and get her like he had in the Raft and she wouldn't say no to him, this time. She just wanted him back, her golden soldier, her gilded angel, her greatest love-

Sadie shook her head at the thought. She forgot how long walks made her introspective. She was relieved to reach her targeted building, tall, yet quiet, and she could put Steve out of her mind and focus on the task at hand.

A task! At hand! Sadie felt awful for her excitement- why was she so selfish? She regretted that Stephen was hurt, of course, but she didn't regret her offer to help him.

A thought occurred to her suddenly- there were many things adding to this giddy feeling in her stomach. The rush that came with breaking the rules- how competent she felt to do this on her own, making her way through the city using the parkour she'd mastered on so many missions before.

Climbing drain pipes and rooftops was overkill. This _wasn't_ a mission, she knew it, but if this would be the one time Sadie would leave the house, she would have fun with it.

But above all that, what made her most excited was the prospect of helping someone. Of changing a life.

Stephen Strange's apartment had an odd grandeur to it.

Sadie could imagine it used to be quite the spectacle. It had all the potential- high ceilings, and large windows, and that sort of modern industrial look that was so trendy these days. Exposed brick against marble countertops.

She could picture it exactly to taste, what she thought Stephen would like. But she didn't suggest any of it. She could imagine all sorts of reasons why the place was bare, with the least amount of furniture necessary to live in a place- no, to _exist_ in a place.

She wondered if he'd had to sell it all to afford the huge list of surgeries Adrianne had mentioned.

Stephen looked like hell. If she wasn't in his home, Sadie didn't think should would have recognised him at all, with his overgrown hair, and his unkempt clothes and how he looked like he hadn't washed in days. She didn't comment on that, either.

And from the look on his face as he takes in her own appearance, soaked in rainwater, and hands glowing through her gloves...

Sadie can't tell if he feels he's risked enough, or if he was still willing to risk it all.

"When was the last time you healed someone?" he asked, leading her over to the bare desk, where papers, reports, and scans lay. He drags his feet as he walks. "I want details."

Sadie thought back as she perused the papers before her. Stephen doesn't even have the lights on, so she guides her scanning with the light of her hands across the pages.

It looked bad. X-Rays and physio notes, and she wanted to take a look at his hands in person, but he kept them in his pockets. He wouldn't show her until she showed him why he should.

Sadie was careful not to run her mouth as she thought. The last serious case had been Rhody, and that hadn't worked out for anyone involved. She cast her mind to before that.

The mild nerve damage in her shoulder from her altercation with the Winter Soldier: a minute's work. Sam's cuts and bruises: routine. Bucky hadn't quite trusted her enough yet, so she hadn't touched him. And then there was Steve.

She was always healing Steve. All of it superficial- so the last real healing she'd done was as far back as Lagos, and even that had been more failure than success. Sadie couldn't even remember the last time she'd done it right.

Stephen seemed to be able to tell that.

"I'm not about to put my faith in someone who is out of practise," he said. "I've not been out of work for a long time now, but I know it's not the same. Especially when it's not a break you've chosen."

Sadie stayed quiet as she shuffled through surgical notes, her eyes flitting over the text as she kept a poker face, trying not to show her disapproval. This man had been butchering himself, and it didn't seem like he wanted to stop any time soon.

"You're having physical therapy?" she asked, quietly, her first words since arriving.

"Yes," Stephen answered, and she could hear him roll his eyes. "But the guy's the most incompetent man in the healthcare field. Telling me fairytales like I can't see through them."

"Look at the world we live in," Sadie shrugged. "I know for a fact I wouldn't have believed any of this would happen to me if you'd told me it all six years ago."

"Well, not everyone is a special case," he answered. "I'll fix this with science, not magic."

"Stephen, if you continue with all these procedures- you know the odds," Sadie said, gently. "Infection, complication, gangrene-"

"Those are all the same thing," he pointed out, casually.

"Point is," she sighed. "It'll get worse and it may not get better. Let me help."

"Where did it come from?" Stephen asked, suddenly.

"What?"

"The mimicry."

"It's hereditary," Sadie said. "I was able to track it down to a particular gene that... shifts its material." she cracked a smile. "That was using G.E.M.I.N.I, so you know it's reliable."

"Hereditary?" Stephen echoed. "Did Shan...?"

"No," she said, simply. "My father's side. But I'm much more skilled than he is- I've honed it over the years."

"How does it work?" he pushed, and Sadie remained patient with him as she explained. It was clear he was nervous- used to knowing it all, and this was uncharted territory.

"Most of the time I can reverse all damage by visualising it," she finished. "You won't feel any pain-"

"Most of the time?" he repeated. "What like- like a drug? Ninety percent chance of success, ten percent chance my arms will fall off?"

"That's not how it works-"

"Here," Stephen said, finally taking his hands out of his pocket to rapidly gather all the papers and scans and dump them in her arms. "Go over these. Make ninety percent into a hundred. _Then_ you call me. _Then_ we do this."

"You want me to study?" Sadie asked, slightly frustrated- she could fix this, right now!

"I want you to study," Stephen confirmed, not dropping his gaze and behind the harshness of his eyes there was desperation.

Sadie glanced at his exposed hands on the stack of papers- red angry scars across them, tremors visible to the eye. He pulled his hands away, hiding them again.

"Will you do it?" he asked, and she pushed away her frustration that she came all this way, risked so much, only to be given homework.

But she understood it, understood his fears were pushed by the many failed attempts to heal. So, she nodded.

"Okay. I'll study."

~

Three days later, Sadie was back in the Valentina home, having returned the tag to her ankle without any problems. She'd deal with the implications of her removal at a later date- now, she had to focus.

After memorising and reciting surgical notes and drawing diagrams from memory down to each individual nerve that had been severed- and after being quizzed again and again by Stephen Strange- Sadie thought she was making a breakthrough.

Not a breakthrough in her understanding of the case- she'd understood it all in the first twenty minutes. No, she'd made in breakthrough in getting Stephen to trust her, to understand that she was just as much of a genius as he was- even if she didn't announce it to the world.

"You're sure I don't need anything?" Stephen asked, nervously, his palms against the glass of the table where Sadie sat opposite.

Sadie had picked a time when the kids would be in school, and the Valentinas would be in work for Strange's appointment. Sadie needed privacy, she needed quiet, she needed to concentrate.

"You don't need anything, you just need to relax," Sadie replied, hovering her glowing hands over his scarred ones. "Okay, I'm going to start."

"Talk me through it," he said, urgently and she nodded, shushing him gently.

Sadie's power was like a weight in her hands, a magnet to metal as it pulled her muscle toward the damage. Stephen's worried speech halted as soon as the light reached him, and she tried hard not to wince.

It was one thing to read about the damage theoretically, it was another to feel it. Like how broken glass might glisten if you look at it, but you never understand the sharpness until it's to the touch.

"I'm beginning at your fingertips." Sadie closed her eyes, shook off her shoulders as she settled into her healing. "Palmar digital nerves to begin with. Distal... Middle... Proximal. How's it feel?"

Stephen's eyes were wet. "Like I might be able to hold a scalpel when this is done."

"Okay," she replied, focusing on his hands again, imagining the nerves in his fingers mending together.

This part wasn't a problem, a simple fix, really. But the root of all movement was the palm, and the two of them knew it. The real stickler would be the median nerve- most responsible for grasping, writing, cutting.

"Moving on," Sadie announced, and Stephen spoke up again.

"Median?" he suggested, and she tried not to roll her eyes.

"Communicating branch of the ulnar nerve," she corrected. "We're going slow."

"You can't go slow on the big one, first?" he asked. "Rip off the band-aid?"

"Not yet," Sadie said frowning as she met an area of resistance.

She closed her eyes, visualised the point in the nerve where the problem lay, and tried to visualise her blue light washing over it. But the blue was met with a contrasting orange- lines of light in geometric shape, a barrier.

_"Not yet..."_

Sadie was shocked out of her wits then, whipping her head around the room to identify the voice, but there was nobody but herself and Stephen.

_"Not yet..."_

A woman's voice, soft and gentle, an accent... English. Sadie closed her eyes again, pushed her power against the force of the orange light and it buckled, fading away in response to the assault from her mimicry, and she returned to healing.

"What just happened?" Strange said, his voice worried.

"Did you hear it?" Sadie asked, breathlessly. The look on his face told her he did not. "I mean... did you feel it? That knot in the nerve."

"No," he answered. "But this is... amazing."

"Alright," Sadie grinned. "Onto the big one."

"And after that?"

"A general sweep to brush up any rough edges," she answered. "And you're good. So. Recurrent branch of the median nerve..."

_"Not yet_ _."_

The voice was louder now, than earlier, shouting in her ear, but she shut it out. Sadie screwed her eyes shut- there was another wall of orange light, but this time it was stronger, layered.

Sadie let her power explore it, tried to see if it could be unravelled, see if she could work with it... whatever this is.

 _"This man is suffering,"_ Sadie thought, but she didn't know if the source of the voice could hear her. _"Let_ _me help."_

_"Not yet!"_

She let her hands glow brighter, pushed the full force of her power against the barrier and God- it was a strain, a physical strain more prominent than any healing she'd done before.

Sadie opened her eyes, the image of the barrier still in her mind as the light of her mimicry travelled up her arms, reaching her neck now- swallowing her. No... it wasn't in her mind- it was there- she could see it! She was standing now.

The orange light broke out into millions of shards, slicing through all of the work she had done, re-severing nerves, rebreaking bridges. Sadie heard Stephen shout out in pain as glass shattered.

"No!" Sadie exclaimed, grasping his hands as he pulled away from her. "No, that wasn't me!"

"Let go!" he yelled, pushing her away with his shoulder, keeping his hands close to his chest. His cheeks were wet now as Sadie reached out to him.

"I can fix it," she pleaded. "Does it hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt! You fixed one thing at least! I don't feel a thing," Stephen screamed. His hands were shaking more severely than before. "Of all the things you could have done, you've made it _worse!"_

"That wasn't me," Sadie tried again. "You didn't see any of that? You didn't _hear_ any of that?"

"I should never have come here," Stephen said, as Sadie followed him into the hall. The door was still unlocked from his arrival. "I should never have put my faith in the likes of you."

"The likes of me?" she asked, tried to hide any hurt in her face.

"I don't think you want to push me to say it," he spat.

Sadie's mind was spinning. What the hell had happened? And what the hell could she do about it?

"What do you have to say, Stephen?"

"Here's my impression of you, Doctor Moore," he said, all too quickly. "You lack ability."

"What?"

"You lack ability to self correct," he said, harshly. "You want to know my second impression of you?"

"Stephen, I-"

"You lack the ability to see beyond the immediate," he carried on, fury in his eyes. "You do everything for selfish reasons. You can see past the _now,_ sure! You can see how healing this charity case of Dr Strange will make a difference, but the real reason you do it is so you can have the reassurance you're not getting anywhere else!"

Sadie was furious now, her blood boiling in her veins, but still she had no words- just stood there staring like an incompetent child being chastised by a cold faced teacher.

"And it comes full circle," he continued, relentlessly. "Right back to your inability to self correct. You need reassurance, so you latch onto those who are strong, or rich, or talented so you can fool yourself that you're in their company because you're just like them. When the reality is that you only became like them by- well, by doing what you do!"

"Which is what?

_"Mimicking!"_

"Wow, Strange, I didn't realise you had a degree in psychoanalytic pseudoscience, too-"

"Your abilities aren't about genetics, or your father, or even spirituality," Strange spat. "It's a manifestation of what you do- you _mimic,_ Isadora. It's all you ever have done, and it's all you ever will, and that's why I was a _fool_ to put my faith in you."

"Let me try again!"

"I won't!"

"Why?" Sadie asked, bitterly. "I _can_ self correct-"

"Trying again doesn't always mean correction," Strange said, and he suddenly looked a lot more tired than before his spiel.

An icy silence fell between the two of them, as Sadie's heart kept its already broken strings intact, for just a moment. She took a breath, let Strange do the same.

He only stared at his hands, palms up at waist level, scarred and bruised and shaking. And she saw more hate in how he looked at his hands than how he'd been looking at her.

"Do you feel better?" Sadie said, eventually. "Must feel good to get it off your chest. To be able to criticise someone else instead of yourself."

"Don't psychoanalyse me," Stephen said, quietly. "You're not qualified."

"And you're a hypocrite," she countered, stepping forward to where he stood, his hands still outstretched. She opened up her palms, too, let her hands rest in mid air beside his, let her blue light glow.

"What are you doing?" he asked, staring at her with watery eyes. "You can't fix this. We've seen that."

"I know," Sadie sighed. "I'm trying to show you... We both have hands that we rely on for our callings. Hands that have failed us both now. You can't cut, and I can't heal."

Sadie took his hands in hers then, felt the tremors that were somehow worse than when they started. He shut his eyes, tight, and Sadie recognised the gesture. It was just what she did whenever she was too ashamed to cry.

"But you are more than your hands, Stephen," she said. "You're more than surgery."

"You sound like Christine," he said.

"Maybe that's because she's right," Sadie tried, gently.

Strange pulled his hands away quickly, turning away from her as he picked up his file with shaking hands.

"Stephen," Sadie said again, as he started to walk away. "Stephen, I hope you think hard about any future procedures. About your next move."

"I've thought long and hard about my 'next move'," Strange argued, reaching the front door quicker than Sadie could catch up with. "And I've decided that I _am_ my hands. I _am_ surgery. And I'll get them back. It doesn't matter if it's a fairytale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow the word count is getting ridiculous and we still have so much more to go in this story lmao so thanks for sticking with it!
> 
> also sorry if this story arc has been a let down for you. I thought it wouldn't make sense for Sadie to not be involved with the events of Dr Strange, but also she absolutely can't fix all his problems. Like even now, she's failed, but she's still gonna be trying to look out for him because that's what heroes do!!!
> 
> (I've also had a few comments (via Wattpad) asking about what's going on with Rhody- that's all wrapped up as Tony told Sadie in the Raft that she helped stop the progression of the injury but he's still not 100% okay. Sorry if this is also a let down for y'all, but I was not about to erase a character's disability 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️)
> 
> But yeah, it's literally just failure after failure when it comes to Sadie's healing and career as a doctor but it's all there for growth guys!! also she can remove her ASBO now- let's see where that takes us!  
> let me know what you thought of this chapter!
> 
> -Amber.


	44. Strangers and Static

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for the kudos! It really means a lot x

_Sadie,_

_I don't have a lot to say today. Probably because we didn't get up to much. Natasha says there's no current threats that aren't already being handled by "Accords sanctioned heroes." I guess that's fair enough._

_I'm writing this on an empty night train we got on at the very last minute. I didn't know what to draw you, so I just did some crows that were on the electricity lines, I thought it was interesting that they were so active so late. I hope you don't mind that it's only a quick sketch- I wanted to catch them before they flew away: are you sure you don't want photographs instead? Maybe I'll include some next time, if I can get them printed._

_We ditched the Quinjet down at some countryside repairs shop that is so obviously a cover for something else. I'm pretty sure there's criminal activity going on there, but Natasha knows an engineer who can do planes. Nat seems to know a lot of people, and it's worrying, but I'm grateful. We wouldn't have made it this far, otherwise._

_Sam says we should just be tourists for the week- or as well as we can. I wish I could see you- these quiet days make me miss you more than ever. I haven't found a 'deeper meaning,' so I'm telling myself it's because good stuff doesn't come without a struggle- this is just ours._

_It's self indulgent, and it's precisely the sort of thing you'll roll your eyes at, but for now? It stops me from wallowing, at least._

_I can't wait to see you. I hope you're doing okay._

_Yours with love,_  
_Steve._

"Hey," an unfamiliar voice sounded as Steve finished scratching his pen across the page.

It was a girl he'd never seen before, and Steve was instantly on guard as she sat in the seat opposite him, put her high heeled feet up.

She was young- too young to be on this sketchy train alone, with a round and rosy face to match her voice. Her blonde hair was cut short, and she was dressed in a boiler suit smudged with paint or chalk or dust.

He stayed quiet, glanced over her shoulder to where Sam and Nat sat on opposite ends of the train carriage, Natasha sleeping soundly and Sam reading the free newspaper. The trio made a point not to sit or walk together in public, not to give themselves away.

Nobody was bothering Steve's friends. So why was this kid bothering him?

Steve ignored her, continuing to stare out of the window to the dark countryside. He stayed hypervigilant. Thought of any ways off the train if anything were to go wrong. Thought of where they would go next.

"You're a writer?" the girl continued, peering over at his letter, and Steve turned the page over. That only exposed his sketch. "No, an artist!"

"Sorry, kid," he said, politely. "Not looking for conversation."

"Not a kid," she said. Steve chanced a glance at her. She was carrying a sketchbook not dissimilar to his own, except hers was engraved with a university crest, and smudged with charcoal. "You don't want any critique? I study art theory."

"Well, I learned a long time ago," Steve sighed, turning away again.

"Doesn't mean you can't improve," she said. "The birds are good. You could add more movement, though. Capture the wind. Maybe with the lines."

"It's fine as it is," he said, simply, but he did take a second look at his work. Maybe he could change the perspective... No. He'd been drawing how he did for years. "It's not going in a gallery."

It was going to Sadie, though... He'd take the advice later then, make it worth sending to her.

"My name's Casey," the girl said, holding out her hand. Steve shook it, but he stayed silent. "Okay, then. No need to introduce yourself, Captain."

Steve sat up, rigid at that, his eyes darting around the train. Still no sign of an ambush.

"Relax, I'm a liberal, so I'm on your side," Casey chuckled. "Your disguise is good- the beard? Very trendy. You should've tried a man bun to go with it, though. I mean- if you can grow it out long enough."

 _This_ isn't _long enough?_ Steve thought. This stranger had already criticised his art and his hair, he wondered what was coming next.

"I only recognise you because I have an assignment to pay attention to faces. Gather mental references. I recognised your friend back there first," she gestured to Natasha. "I have a huge crush on her- don't tell. She looks great blonde... Look, man I'm talking myself into a hole here because you won't stop staring, you wanna say something?"

Steve still wasn't convinced. He took a look at her hands- not a fighter's hands by any means. Her clothes weren't fighter's clothes, and her posture wasn't a fighter's posture. Casey reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone.

"Look," she said, pulling up photos on her phone. "This was a march I organised with my faculty. Against the Accords. I'm very politically active, you know."

"What do you want?" Steve asked, confused.

"When was the last time the three of you had a bed?" she asked, and Steve didn't have an answer. "My place is open for you. It's not too big, I'm only in a studio, but you could stay for a couple nights, maybe a week. Except the landlord is stopping by on Thursday, so..."

"And why would you want to help us?" he asked.

"Because who would I be if I protested my whole life, but passed up the chance to actually do something?" Casey said. "And I kind of have a debt to repay."

"A debt?" Steve asked, ignoring her ramblings. "To who?"

"To your girl," she shrugged, leaning back in her chair. "Aceso."

"You know Sadie?" His heart was hammering in his chest. "How- have you heard from her?"

"Relax," she chuckled. "Sorry to disappoint- I don't know the woman personally. My brother fought in Afghanistan."

"Oh," Steve said, feeling awful for being disappointed.

"I told him not to go- I'm a pacifist, y'know? I think war is just a capitalist scheme to get working girls and boys to pay for the fat cats-" Casey stopped herself, bluntly. "Sorry, I'm sure that doesn't impress you. I'm _very_ grateful for your service."

"You're not... completely wrong," he said, politely.

"Only kinda wrong?" she grinned, and Steve would have laughed if he hadn't gotten so used to being stony faced.

"So, Sadie- she treated your brother?" he asked.

  
Casey nodded enthusiastically. "He came home without a scratch," she said, animatedly. "Said a mine blew but there was no evidence. Then he said that a woman healed him with some light- we all thought he'd... There were rumours about her, but everyone thought it was urban myth. They sent him home for insanity."

"Oh, I'm..." Steve hesitated. Was _'I'm sorry'_ the right thing to say?

"Anyway, four years later, we switch on the news," Casey continued. "And there you all are! In DC! And then SHIELD was exposed and- well, I'm pretty politically active- so I read it all, and it was _insane_ , I mean- she fixed my brother when he had half his leg blown off! And now, I mean, here _you_ are, on this random ass train and I could actually pay her back in some way. If that isn't fate then-"

"What's going on over here?" Sam asked, standing over them. Steve hadn't even noticed him come over, hadn't noticed Natasha wake up either.

"This chick's either a simple nuisance or a simple threat," Nat added, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I don't think she's either," Steve said, slowly. "She says she's got beds."

"I have _a_ bed," Casey corrected. "And a couch. And a sleeping bag."

"What?" Sam said, perplexed. "Did nobody teach this man stranger danger? Was that not a thing in the olden days?"

"Actually, no," Steve answered. "People used to talk to each other. They trusted their neighbors."

"Just get over here," Nat said, impatiently.

Steve sighed and stood, following Sam and Nat to the side as they lectured him over the swaying of the train.

"I think her story checks out," he said. "She seems... Pretty innocent," the three glanced back to where Casey sat nervously tapping her foot. Steve turned to Natasha with a raised brow. "And she has a crush on you."

Natasha only shrugged her shoulders with an unsurprised hum.

"What makes you think she's telling the truth?" Sam asked. "She isn't just luring us in so she can collect that multi-million dollar bounty?"

"I'm going with my gut here," he said, confidently. "You either trust it or you don't."

"My gut tells me a lot of things, Steve," Nat said. "That doesn't mean anything."

"We can't keep train hopping until the jet's fixed," Steve said. "If Casey's seen us, then other people will too. What are the odds of avoiding rush hour?"

Nobody answered.

"We need somewhere to lay low," Steve continued. "Plus the _timing_ -"

"Don't you start on some emotional bullshit," Sam rolled his eyes.

"I won't," Steve sighed. "But I was just writing to her. And then this?"

"A coincidence," Nat said, simply. "But you're right, we can't keep going in circles, especially when the sun comes up."

"And we can't just sneak a motel again?" Sam asked, to no avail. "Fine, but if we do this, you gotta know one of us isn't sleeping, and it isn't going to be me."

"I'll go on watch," Steve conceded. "I'll even take the sleeping bag."

"I'm getting the bed," Nat said, quickly.

"Let me have the bed," Sam said. "That chick will probably let you sleep in hers anyway-"

"Asshole," Natasha chastised, smacking Sam hard, but the soldier only laughed.

Their bickering was interrupted then by the conductor announcing their next stop over the speakers, and Casey waltzed over to them.

"This is me," she said, holding her sketchpad close to her chest. "You guys coming?"

"We are," Steve said, gratefully. "Thank you."

"No sweat," she shrugged. "Next time you see Dr Moore, you tell her I said thanks, yeah?"

"Of course," he nodded. He'd put it in his letter.

The train came to a halt then, Casey grinning back at them as she stepped onto the dark platform.

"Alright, Avengers. Follow my lead."

~

Sadie didn't get a lot of calls from a lot of people these days, so she was especially surprised to hear her phone ring loud one evening, an unknown number shining on her screen.

She picked up, her formal greeting near muscle memory:

"Dr Moore speaking," she said, bouncing her tennis ball against the headboard from where she lay upside down.

"Is Stephen with you?" the voice on the phone asked, frantically.

"Dr Palmer?" Sadie asked, shocked to hear the woman's voice.

"Yes, yes, Dr Palmer," she repeated, with a nervous laugh. "Isn't it strange, Dr Palmer, calling an Avenger- a convicted felon- in the most roundabout way possible? I had to get your number out of a _phone book!"_

"'Felon', wow, thanks," Sadie laughed, sitting up.

"Sorry, I just-" Palmer stopped for a minute, heaving an audible breath. "Is Stephen with you?"

"No," Sadie answered. "I'm only allowed one external visit per week- he had his turn two days ago, and he stormed off."

"Crap!"

"It must be bad for you to call me," Sadie admitted. "I'm the last person he would come to."

"What are you talking about?" Palmer asked.

"Well, he didn't tell me about his accident," she said, simply. "And he made it _very_ clear last time we spoke, that he doesn't value me or my work."

"You've got it wrong," Palmer said, her voice soft. "You're one of the handful of people Stephen calls a friend."

"Oh."

Sadie didn't know how to feel about that. Flattered, maybe? She'd been in her own head for days since her failed attempt at healing, going round and round in circles about why she bothered healing, why she kept failing, whether it was worth all the pain and the heartache...

"Look, if he exploded on you on Tuesday, that's the Strange Badge of Honour," Palmer said, with a bitter laugh, but then her voice cracked with emotion. "He's disappeared. Last anyone saw him was when he went to visit you. I've been sitting in his apartment in case he comes back but no luck."

"Oh, Christine," Sadie sighed, her heart heavy for the girl. She knew what it was to worry when someone close to your heart was away like that.

"Last time I saw him, we fought," she said. "And now his passport is gone."

She thought back to Europe, when she and Steve had spent most of their time giving each other the cold shoulder. But at least they had a chance for reconciliation.

"Will you call him?" Palmer asked, desperation in her voice.

"I tried on Wednesday, to apologise," Sadie explained. "I can try again, but I don't think he'll answer."

Then a thought occurred to her, a desperate, a crazy thought and in the back of her mind. Perhaps this was really just the excuse she'd been waiting for.

Perhaps Strange was right about her selfishness. But surely, if there was any reason to do it at all, it was this? Any excuse to indulge, it was to help another person?

"Dr Palmer, give me fifteen minutes and I'll call you back," Sadie said, quickly, before hanging up the phone.

She rushed over to her dresser, to the bottom drawer where she kept the important things, and pulled out the black burner phone from beneath all of Steve's letters that she'd hidden away under a white board.

Her hands shook as she turned it on, pulled up the only contact in the phone- a number she didn't recognise but she knew would take her to him.  
Steve picked up on the second ring, and Sadie's heart stopped to hear the click of it. Then-

"Sadie?"

His voice almost sent her into tears.

"What's wrong, where are you?" Steve asked, hurriedly, and she could've smacked herself. She'd probably scared him out of his mind.

"I'm fine, there's no emergency," Sadie said, pushing back the burning in her eyes. "At least, not a personal one."

"Talk to me," he said, and she agreed.

She explained everything, about Stephen's accident, her attempt to heal him, the damage and the vulnerable position he was in, and Palmer's call to her. Steve was quiet through it all.

"And I'm sorry to call you about this," Sadie continued, with a sigh. "I know that compared to everything else you're dealing with out there, this is probably juvenile-"

"It's not."

"-and it's reckless of me to call when I'm perfectly safe-"

"I'm glad you did."

"-but he helped my mom so much in her last days and he helped me find closure and- he's a friend," Sadie finished, simply. "And I would look for him if I could... I mean I can take off my tag, but I don't think he's in the city. So, I was hoping you would help me?"

"Of course I will, Sadie," Steve answered, and she was filled with all the love of him. "Where was Strange last seen?"

"Manhattan," Sadie answered. "I might have been the last person to see him. But Christine says his passport is missing. Hence why I think he's not in the city."

"That might not be the case," Steve said, slowly. "But our best bet is to look at flights out of JFK this week to rule it out. Scan through the passenger lists."

"All of them?" She asked, shocked.

"All of them," he confirmed. "Natasha's supposed to be leaving for some trip soon but... she'll help us code it before she goes."

"A trip?"

"Yeah, she's real secretive about it," he said. _"Drop me off in Moscow and don't ask any questions."_

"It's not actually Moscow is it?" she grinned.

"No, but I'm not going to give a location over the phone," Steve said, matter of factly. "Learned that in fugitive school."

Sadie laughed at his tone, and she heard a sigh from Steve's end of the call. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just-" a genuine chuckle. "It's just good to hear your laugh. And your voice."

And that was it- Sadie couldn't keep her tears in, and they streamed down her face as she tried to make sure her crying wasn't audible.

"It's good to hear yours, too, baby," she said, and her attempts to keep her voice steady were futile.

The couple were quiet for a long moment, neither of them saying a word, and Sadie closed her eyes. She could hear his breathing down the line, tried to fool herself into believing he was with her, standing just over her right shoulder.

But the sound was coated in the clear static of a telephone call, and there was no fooling anyone. When he spoke again, Steve's voice was tight.

"We'll follow the trail as far as we can," he promised, as she wiped away her tears.

"Thank you," Sadie said, sincerely.

"You're doing us a favour," Steve said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "We've all been feeling a little... impatient lately, with nothing to do. Expect a text from me in the next three days. As much as I want to, we can't call again. And you need a new burner, I'll send you one."

"Okay," Sadie nodded. "And Steve?"

"Yeah, darling?"

"Thank you for writing so often," she said, thinking of his letters and their beautiful regret.

"It's not a problem."

"Let me say this, baby, before you have to go," Sadie said, quickly. "It really keeps me going, hearing from you. And I know it must be hard for you to do, especially when you have no response. So I wanted to say that I appreciate you, and tell you to hang in there. 'Cause I expect you to be okay at the end of all this."

"I miss you," Steve confessed, as if the words tumbled from his mouth. "I'm sorry, it's all I can say. But I do."

"I miss you too," Sadie admitted, and the tears were back again. "Last time you wrote, you said about sending photographs?"

"Yeah, I just don't know that the sketches are all that good," he answered.

"What?" Sadie asked, genuinely shocked. "I love them! They're wonderful! Never stop!"

"Okay, I won't," he laughed.

"You promise?"

"I promise. Expect a text," Steve said, and she knew their time was up. "I'll see you soon."

And then the phone clicked off, and Sadie was grateful he had the strength to do it, because she didn't have the strength to even take her phone from her ear.

It all hurt that much worse now, and for a second she wished she'd never called him. It felt like she'd been ripped from Steve all over again, it felt like a loss of him when that call hung up.

But Sadie didn't let herself regret it for too long, because she'd been able to hear his voice, and his laugh, and that- that was worth it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! much happier chapter this time round!! or well maybe not "happier" but certainly more lighthearted at least. isn't it nice to see our babies talk again? even if Sadie's motivations are a little... skewed :/ worth it though. plus she was always gonna be the one to call first, she's that girl.
> 
> also 'Casey's' character is probably not gonna make a reappearance again, she's a bit of a caricature honestly but the point of her is showing that there's probably still a lot of support for Team Cap and also that the politics of the Accords totally follows them no matter where they go. It's both yikes and yay.  
> let me know what you thought of this chapter!
> 
> -Amber.


	45. Minutes and Martinis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [pre-warning: drinks in this chapter & few uninhibited moments on Sadie's end. prepare for second hand embarrassment lol. drink aware kids.]

_Strange took a flight to Nepal on Tuesday night, landed on Wednesday. Trail goes cold after that, no hotel or taxi bookings. Any word will filter back to us, and I'll let you know if it does. I'm sorry I can't do more. Hold tight._

Deflated was an understatement.

Sadie felt so truly punctured. Good for nothing- she couldn't help anybody at all. Aceso was a failure. She couldn't fix anything, couldn't _heal_ anyone who truly needed it.

Why did she think she could fix other people's problems when she had so many of her own? And why did she think she could heal anyone else when she was withering away herself, inside and out? 

So, she wouldn't, Sadie decided. She wouldn't get anybody's hopes up again- she'd give people the solution she knew would work from now on.

Medicine, not mimicry.

"If you know that man at all, you know he'll be okay," Adrianne said, chopping vegetables on the board as Sadie fried their pot of mince.

"Alone? In Nepal? Nobody to help him, nowhere to stay? He'll be stranded," she sighed, hopeless.

"If he's truly stuck, he'll go to the Embassy," Adrianne shrugged, tossing peppers into the pot. "The US has Embassies everywhere. They'll send him home in a freakin' chopper."

"If human traffickers don't get him first."

"What is worrying like this going to do for him?" Adrianne said. She was chopping a little carelessly for Sadie's liking, her fingers far too close to the blade, and her attention elsewhere. "You've done all you can, sis. Just pray- _shit!"_

Blood.

Sadie hadn't seen blood in so long, and it reminded her of so much. Vienna, Lagos, Paris, Florence, Sokovia, DC, New York, Libya, Afghanistan-

She shook herself out of her thoughts, forcing herself to tune back into reality as Adrianne cursed. She pushed pressure on her newfound cuts- bright scarlet matching the bell peppers on the board.

"Can you fix it?" Adrianne asked, casually holding her fingers out to Sadie, blood pooling at her fingertips.

It wasn't thick- not like the blood Sadie was used to. Sadie was used to blood that was dark, and viscous, like treacle or an oil spill. She was used to injuries with jagged edges, flesh and fat and organs. She was used to cuts halfway closed from super healing, or old and scabbed over from hours of a fight.

These cuts were simple- three straight, clinical lines across Adrianne's ring, middle, and index fingers. And the blood was fresh, light, thin. It made Sadie's stomach churn.

She almost retched up her breakfast in the kitchen sink. She didn't.

Sadie looked away as she lifted her hand, letting the light of her mimicry heal the cuts and she only looked back when Adrianne started singing her praises.

"You shouldn't... rely on me for things like that," Sadie said, carefully.

"Like what?" Adrianne asked, casually, cleaning up the work surface.

"Cuts, bruises, broken bones," Sadie said, with a heavy sigh.

"Why not?" her friend pressed, setting down the kitchen towel and giving her full attention now.

"Well, even I can't rely on the mimicry. I spent ages telling myself it was just what people needed but..." Sadie paused. She didn't need to be so melodramatic. "I just think it's inconsistent. I need to go back to my roots."

"Your roots?" Adrianne asked, her eyebrow raised.

"Medicine," Sadie clarified.

"So you're not healing anymore?" her best friend asked, with a frown.

"Just for now," Sadie nodded, hesitantly. "I'll treat people the way that works."

"There is no way that works one hundred percent of the time," Adrianne said, firmly. "You just have to pick the most efficient treatment."

"My abilities aren't always reliable, let alone efficient," Sadie said. "It's not fair to give patients false pretences that I can perform miracles, because I can't. I can't solve nerve damage, or paralysis, or cancer-"

"So this is about your mom?" Adrianne asked, her expression soft.

"No- yes- but not completely," Sadie said, and she hated how confused she sounded. Maybe because she was. "I'm just... taking a step back."

Adrianne stayed quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking of what to say.

"It's clear that you've, um, been thinking about this for a while," she started, and Sadie nodded. "And whatever I say probably won't make a massive difference. But I don't want you to go back to how you used to be."

"How I used to- what does that even mean?" Sadie asked, surprised.

"You know what it means," Adrianne said, firmly. "Hiding away from yourself, suppressing it all." 

"Oh... well I appreciate your honesty," Sadie said, choosing not to let herself dwell on it. "I'm gonna go check the mail."

~

_Sadie,_

_The forecast is calling the weather 'good', but it's been nothing but rain the entire time we've been here in Quebec. I usually wouldn't mind, but I was really hoping for some sunshine._

_Natasha joked that we should've gone to Mexico, and Sam joked right after that we wouldn't be able to get back over the border with the state of things. It was one of those jokes that was really a dark truth. And we can't even vote on it._

_Here's a story for you: I was getting coffee for everyone this morning, and a lady walked past me wearing your perfume. I noticed it straight away, even did a double-take. Pretty pathetic. You would have laughed though- the woman thought I was trying to catcall her, so she flipped me off, and called me a lot of interesting names in French._

_Since the weather is ugly here, I've drawn you the sunset from Nashville. It was so beautiful, I had to add some colour in there, which is different for me, but that student I told you about taught me a few tricks._

_Sending my love,_   
_Steve._

~

Sadie thought that after months without him, at one point she would wake up and not look for Steve. That theory had been disproven time and time again, over the months of her house arrest.

She didn't understand why she did it, every single time- Sadie woke up and instantly looked for Steve, momentarily forgetting her circumstances. Besides, it wasn't like they had shared a bed every night when they were together, it was maybe only two, three... five nights a week. _At most._

The point was they always had nights apart and Sadie had never looked for him then- she'd revelled in the space lto stretch just as much as she enjoyed his company. And even when Steve was with her, or she was with him, he was almost always up earlier than her.

Some mornings he would be gracious, make her coffee and a half hearted attempt at breakfast before he went on his morning run. Other times, Steve wasn't so gracious with her, dragging his feet and mumbling complaints about his early schedule. Sadie would chastise him for waking her, and they would bicker about it.

_"Do you have to make such a noise?"_   
_"I'm not- you're a light sleeper!"_   
_"Exactly why I would appreciate it if you were deadly silent. You can do it on missions!"_   
_"Not every day is a mission, Sadie."_   
_"Feels like it when I'm up at this hour."_

And around in circles they would go. But those mornings always ended up the best when the couple could eat together, and run together, and it always left Sadie thinking she should wake up earlier just for those extra moments.

She never did.

Now, Sadie sat and stared at the dark, tired of dreaming.

She should move. Stretch. Get a glass of water. Get that tag off her ankle, go on a four AM run. Get the tag off and follow Steve to Quebec-

No. He wouldn't be there. He'd have moved on already.

Music. There was music in the house? This was it, Sadie thought. She was finally going mad.

She should move. Stretch. Get water. Her satin sheets felt like sandpaper against her umber skin. She should moisturise.

That felt like too much effort, and she didn't want to touch herself. The athletic body she'd gotten used to maintaining during her time as an Avenger was much softer now, much rounder in the middle.

She should do crunches. That was also too much effort. But a drink? That, she could drag herself to get.

The music was definitely real, now. Sadie wasn't losing her mind- she was relieved to see Jamie Valentia sat at the kitchen island, his acoustic guitar in his lap.

"Early start," Sadie commented, dragging her slippered feet over to the mini-fridge that had a damn code to stop the kids getting to it. Fort Knox. "Had to cure horse rabies?"

"Did I wake you?" Jamie asked, glancing at the clock as if just realising the hour. "This is the only room where I won't wake the kids, I didn't think you could hear from the guest room."

"It's fine, I couldn't sleep anyways," she shrugged, sitting on the stool beside him, bringing wine glasses and the bottle, too. "So. Horse rabies?"

"Cat seizure actually," he sighed. "We had to sedate. Then we had to euthanize. She was real young, too."

"Oh," Sadie said, stupidly, pouring their drinks. "That's sad."

"It is," Jamie shrugged. "It's also why we don't have any pets in the house."

"So, is that all?" she asked him, gesturing to the guitar. "I've only seen you play when you're in your feelings."

"I wish that was all. Jacob's been asking about his Uncle Roman."

"He the little one or the cute one?" Sadie joked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Jamie rolled his eyes. "The 'cute' one. Not that it matters, Miss Not-Single."

"That crush died in med school. And Steve knows I love him," Sadie said, before stopping herself. "Well, he- I, um-" Jamie was practically laughing at her, but he held it back for politeness. "Whatever. You said Jake was asking?"

"Yup. He was asking why Roman hasn't been around in so long, and why we haven't been back to California," Jamie sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. "How do I tell him, sorry kid, I haven't seen your uncles in close to a year, and now it just feels like too long since we've spoken to reach out? So, now you're growing up without them."

There was a pause, but Jamie didn't look like he'd finished yet, so Sadie stayed quiet, sipping her water.

"My side is the only extended family the kids have, y'know?" he sighed. "Addie has no plans of finding her birth mom. And I've just... let my brothers go."

"Hey," Sadie said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If there's anything I've learned in the past six years, it's that it's never too late when we're talking about family. You remember how it was with Sav and I, we never thought it was possible to fix."

"You were kids," Jamie sighed. "We're just grown men being stubborn."

"Then don't be," Sadie said, simply, choosing not to correct that when the fire happened, Savannah was the only child, and the only one to get hurt. "Call Roman tomorrow. Maybe even try your mom-"

"Yikes."

"Yikes, sure," she laughed, tapping on her glass. "But try it. And if it doesn't work, you've always got me. Adrianne's my sister anyway. I adopted _you_ ten years ago already."

"Thanks, it's an honour to be part of the family," Jamie teased.

"I think that should be my statement," Sadie grinned. "Not a lot of people would be happy with this arrangement. I'm grateful for you."

"I knew you and my wife were a package deal when I married her, she made that clear," he chuckled, fondly. "And I couldn't ask for a better godmother for my children."

"Pfft. I do the bare minimum," Sadie said, honestly.

"Not true, you know it," Jamie said firmly. "It's good to know the kids wouldn't have to uproot their lives if... you know."

"You wouldn't want them with Roman? Or your mom?"

"We want them with you. Even if you probably will be back on the road with Steve soon." 

"I don't know about that," Sadie said, awkwardly.

"I do," Jamie said, pointedly. "You heard from him this week?"

Sadie nodded, then. "But they call it snail mail for a reason. He was visiting Barnes last he wrote. Then this letter was Canada. I know for a fact he's not in either of those places right now."

"Barnes, huh?" Jamie said, with a raised eyebrow. "What's that guy like?"

"I don't really know him," Sadie replied. "He's important to Steve. Polite, misunderstood. Got a mean left hook."

"Do I want to ask how you know that last detail?"

"All in a day's work," she laughed, but caught the look on Jamie's face- worry written all over. "It's really not a big deal."

"They all look out for you?" he asked. "You've got each other's backs?"

"Of course."

"And... you won't kill me for asking this?" Jamie said, carefully. "I'm sure Steve is a great guy-"

"I'd think you would be sure," she said, pointedly. "He saved your wife and child in 2012."

"I know," Jamie sighed. "And I know he makes you happy, and he treats you right. And Addie likes him-"

"She never likes anyone I see," Sadie chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly," Jamie smiled, but it didn't last long. "I just... I see you hurting, Sadie. And I want you to make sure he's worth it."

"He is. He's amazing," Sadie sighed. "If you could've just met him before all this. He isn't what people think he is."

"What, he's heaven sent?" Jamie joked, but she didn't find it funny.

"To me, he is," she said, quietly, sipping her wine. It wasn't strong enough. She should've made martinis.

"Here," Jamie said, reaching over and putting the guitar in her lap.

"I don't have a musical bone in my body," Sadie protested, as he fastened the strap over her shoulders.

"Didn't you ask me to teach you?"

"Yeah, like three years ago," she laughed.

"Better late than never," Jamie said. "There's a reason I play when I'm 'in my feelings.' Much better than drinking."

"Can we not do both?" Sadie asked, cheekily. "I _know_ you don't have work after an emergency case. It's not so crazy."

"Fatherhood has taken me to the point where actually, it is," Jamie laughed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, fine. But you better promise to stop me before I'm drunk."

"Only if you promise to not stop me before I'm drunk," Sadie grinned, offering her hand for him to shake, and he did.

"It's a deal."

~

The ringing of his burner phone would kill him, Steve was sure of it. Especially when Sadie's name lit up on the tiny screen, and his heart went into arrest.

"Sadie, what's wrong?" he asked, terrified, so terrified that something had gone wrong. "You need me?"

"Yeah, I _need_ you," Sadie giggled through the phone, and Steve frowned, confused. "You know how _long_ it's been?"

"I texted yesterday," he sighed, rubbing his brow. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to hear her voice again, it was that they couldn't do this. "Sugar, you can't keep calling."

"I miss you," she said, her voice all sing-song as she laughed. "And a pillow is no replacement. It just doesn't work properly."

"Have you been drinking?" Steve asked her, and she gasped.

"No," Sadie said, appalled. "I was with Jamie! We made a few martinis-"

"That's drinking, Sadie," he countered.

Sadie hummed in response to that. "You should be honoured- most guys don't get the privilege of a drunk call until after the breakup."

"Funny," Steve said. "But we should probably save it for another time-"

"What are you doing right now?" she asked him, her voice suddenly less playful and much more of... something else.

Steve swallowed. "At 2:45 AM? I'm supposed to be flying this jet."

"Are the others with you?" Sadie asked. "Sam, Nat?"

"Yeah, they're at the back of the jet. We're dropping Nat off for the week."

"Are they awake?"

"No, they're asleep," Steve said. "So, I can't pass the phone..."

"You think I wanna talk to them?" Sadie asked, bluntly, and he tried hard not to laugh. "They're nice and all, but I obviously called you for a reason. I didn't dial for the Falcon- is he flying in the jet?"

"Why would he be flying _inside_ the jet, Sadie?" Steve asked, unable to contain his grin. "I told you he's asleep."

"Sam's very serious about his drills," she answered. "So are _you_ flying the jet?"

"I already said so, angel," he answered.

"Are you in the cockpit?"

"No, I'm hanging on the wing," Steve joked. He'd let himself enjoy this, for however long it lasted- she'd called now, even if she wasn't supposed to and there wasn't anything he could change about it.

Well, he could hang up...

"You're so funny, baby," Sadie laughed freely at his joke, confirming that this was worth it. Then her voice changed again as it had earlier. "What are you wearing?"

Steve couldn't help rolling his eyes- a gesture he was sure he'd picked up from Sadie, because he never used to do it much before. "We're really gonna do this?"

"Yeah, I wanna know," she said, suddenly very commanding. "What are you wearing, Steve?"

"I'm still in my suit," Steve said, casually as he could.

"Which one?" Sadie asked, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "The one I like?"

"Yes... the one you like," he answered.

It was a dangerous road he was going down, he knew it, but at least it was a different kind of danger than what he'd been dealing with the past seven months. He switched the jet to autopilot.

"Why haven't you changed?" Sadie asked suddenly, her voice less dangerous and more worried. "You said it's 2:45? You didn't wanna make yourself more comfortable?"

Steve laughed at that- even when she was trying... Whatever it was she was trying- Sadie was more concerned about taking care of him than what her own aims were. It warmed his heart.

"I'm comfortable, don't worry," he assured her. "At least as comfortable as I can be."

"Mm," Sadie hummed. "What would fix that?"

"You would," Steve said.

"How?" Sadie asked, and her _voice-_ "What would you do if I were there?"

"What would you want me to do?"

"Kiss me all over!" she laughed, making him smile again. "And tell me all the things you like about me!"

"I can do that last one for you, if you want," Steve offered, and she laughed again.

"I already know what you like about me," Sadie said. "You like my brain..."

"I do like your brain."

"You like my body..."

"I especially like that," Steve grinned, suddenly feeling a lot less stupid than a few seconds earlier.

"You like my lips when I kiss you," she continued.

"I like them even when you don't," he said, honestly.

"And I like _your_ brain," she said. "And _your_ body. And, oh- I like your hands!"

"My hands?" he laughed, in surprise, staring down at his palm.

"Yeah," Sadie said, and he could practically hear her bite her lip. "You work wonders with them."

"You're in a mood tonight," Steve exhaled, running a hand through his hair as he sat back in his chair.

"Yeah, a good one," she argued. "So now it's your turn. If I were there right now, what would you want me to do?"

"Just be here," he said, sincerely, finally giving in and closing his eyes. "You'd just... I don't know... exist with me."

It was a cheesy thing to say, and Steve was glad nobody was awake to hear him say it besides Sadie. It was cheesy, and it wasn't like him, but somehow he felt both less and more like himself with her than with anyone else.

There was silence on Sadie's end of the line and Steve knew he'd said the wrong thing, made this sad when it didn't have to be. She'd called to flirt, to distract, to... he didn't know what exactly. Solve whatever problem that pillow couldn't. Either way, he knew he'd ruined it.

"Sorry," Steve said, quickly, but he was fumbling. "I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

"I was thinking phone sex, but you don't seem to be in the mood," she blurted- these were all exactly the sort of things she would never say out loud if she were sober.

So, they both weren't acting themselves, Steve thought. Or worse, perhaps they were, but who they were now was so different to who they were eight months ago, before all of this. 

And there was still a minimum of six more months until they could be together again, and by that point... would they have to rediscover each other completely?

"It won't be long now," Sadie said, quietly. "It'll be over before we know it. And after that we'll be fine."

She always knew just what to say, and Steve always wondered how. His silence? It must have been that, because Sadie had nothing else to go off. But still, she knew his exact worry.

"We're already halfway through," she continued. "We're so close."

"Which is exactly why we can't keep doing this," he sighed, although it pained him to say it. "Every call is a bigger risk. And if you're caught you'll never get out."

"I know..."

"It'll be prison, Sadie," Steve continued. "Actual prison. No letters, no calls. We can't let it get to that point."

"You'd come and get me," she whined, the influence of her drinks still clearly obvious.

"I don't like how you're so sure of that," he said, but there was no conviction in his voice, he could hear it. "It's dangerous."

"It's true!"

"Even if it is, you're too strong and too smart for that," Steve answered.

There was an audible sigh down the phone. "I shouldn't have called, I'm sorry. Not even that first call for Strange, because it was really for me, and now it's so much harder for us both... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said. "I understand."

"Does Nat have a burner?" Sadie asked, and he frowned, confused. "Or Sam?"

"They both do," Steve said. "Why?"

"Send me their numbers," Sadie said. "Then delete mine, and I'll delete yours."

"Sadie-"

"If there's a real emergency, I'll call them. You're all together anyway, right?" Sadie asked, and he knew she was right. "I think this is what we have to do, or we'll jump in a bunny hole."

"Down a rabbit hole," Steve corrected fondly, and she scoffed.

"Same thing," Sadie said, nonchalantly. "And that Wonderland drink where it makes you go _huge-_ oh, like Scott!"

"What?" Steve laughed, confused as to where her train of thought had gone.

"Like Scott Lang goes big," she explained, as if it was obvious enough. "Remember in Leipzig? He was huge, knocking over planes and-"

"And how does that apply here?"

"Uh... I've forgotten," Sadie said, simply. "You know what I haven't forgotten?" then, when he was quiet: "You're supposed to ask me what!"

"Okay," he chuckled. "What haven't you forgotten?"

"How much I love you," Sadie said, casually then, as if she was simply commenting on the weather. As if she hadn't just sent Steve's heart into a frenzy. "What do you say about that?"

"I say you must've had more than a couple martinis," Steve said, dumbstruck. "How many did you have?"

"It's unimportant," she said, before a moment of silence. "Probably about two? Or three- and a glass of wine. And maybe a few shots... I just felt so bad about Stephen, and my mom, and everything, and I just wanted some of it off my shoulders, you know?"

"I know," Steve said, his heart heavy. "I can understand that."

"That's not what I want you to understand,"' she said, quickly. "This is unimpressive, I know. But I'm not saying it because of the drinks, I... I probably look like a dumbass."

"You don't."

"I love you, Steve," Sadie said again, her voice soft. "You won't say it back?"

He wanted to. God, he wanted to. But all the drink in her system, and the circumstances, and the graininess of her voice on the phone, the turbulence of the jet and the lashing rain... this wasn't how he'd wanted this.

Still. The cards were dealt.

"Of course I'll say it back," Steve said, eventually. "I love you, you know I do. I just wanted to say it to your face."

"Mm, you're just mad I beat you to it," she laughed, and he was beyond relieved she wasn't upset with him.

"Sure, but will you remember that you did?" he teased, if only to hear her laugh again.

"Okay, send me those numbers," Sadie said. "And remind me what the plan was in the text because I've forgotten already."

"The plan," Steve repeated. "The plan I don't like at all."

"Right," she sighed. "But it's a good one, isn't it? Efficient?"

"Yeah," he agreed, heart heavy. "I love you, Sadie."

"I love you too," Sadie said, and he could hardly believe he was hearing it. There was a long silence between them. "I'll hang up."

"Okay," Steve said, waiting for the click of the line. Another moment passed, and it didn't come.

"Okay, bye," Sadie said, quickly, and the line finally went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they took their time, huh? this chapter is pretty abrupt, pretty long and pretty choppy, but I hope you'll forgive it because I just really want to get through this house arrest ASAP lmao
> 
> let me know what you think!  
> -Amber.


	46. Doubtless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a super long chapter as a Valentine's present from me to all of you gorgeous people. The chapter is split nicely into two parts, so feel free to read at your own pace.]

_Sadie,_

_You asked me after Vienna if it would all be worth it. I didn't know the answer then._

_Now, I do. It isn't worth it at all. And if I could go back and do things differently, I would. I'd find some way to fix things before they broke._

_Still. Not long to go now, until one thing is fixed, at least. The most important thing._

_All my love,_   
_Steve._

There was no drawing this time, no sunsets or crows or trees.

Sadie pushed the longing of it all out of her head, pushed the hurt of it through her body instead of her mind, muscles and blood pumping in sync, sweat dripping down her brow. Her feet pounded loudly against the treadmill, the incline up to the highest she could tolerate- which was to say, the highest it could go.

She wished it would go higher, craved for the air in her lungs to burn more. The longing was still stronger than any of the heat.

"Alright, we're hitting twenty now," Sadie said, her eyes flitting to the laptop set down on the coffee table, where her sister kept her virtual company via FaceTime, running alongside her in her local gym.

"Only twenty?" Savannah panted, her breathing heavy down Sadie's Bluetooth earphones. "And we're supposed to be at this for half an hour?"

"I'd go for longer if I could," Sadie huffed- she didn't mention that she probably would, as soon as she hung up the call. "What I wouldn't give for a real gym like yours right now. Even just a barbell-"

"Why don't you just buy one?"

"I won't completely transform Adrianne's house while I'm a guest," Sadie said. "Besides, safety. I need someone to spot me. Used to be Steve. God, the weights he used to pile on when all I wanted to do was row-"

"Is that what a good-" sharp breaths. "-superhero date is?" Savannah teased, and Sadie didn't miss the beeping of the speed button as she slowed. "Lifting? So romantic."

"Actually, it is. We push each other," she said, upping the speed of her own treadmill where Savannah had slowed it. "Like I'm doing for you right now- c'mon eight more minutes, Sav, don't slow it down!"

"How fast are you going?" her sister asked, between breaths as she complied, increasing her speed. "It's like... it's like... you're not even phased!"

"You're right," Sadie frowned, pushing up the numbers even faster. "I shouldn't be able to talk so much. Seven minutes- we'll start slowing it down at four."

The two sisters continued running together, the sweat and burn a cleansing. Savannah was on the opposite side of the Atlantic, perhaps, but Sadie was glad for the company, even if it was through a computer screen.

She was used to company in her workouts- plenty of company at that. She guessed that was probably why she'd let herself go these last ten months.

But now, Sadie finally didn't feel so far from her old self, physically. Even if she did look rounder, plumper, she was healthier now.

Getting her head healthy- that would take a little more work than cardio or weight training, she thought. Sadie had started to feel her intelligence dwindling months ago, she needed cases to solve, medicine to practise, keep her mind from rotting.

Of course, Steve was on her mind forever, too. Especially after his melancholy letter. Even more especially after the hazy memory of her drunken call, of the sweetest words on his lips.

Love. He said he loved her. And yes, maybe it was because of the distance, or the drink or how she'd mortifyingly begged him to 'say it back.' But it was different, how Steve had told it to her, it didn't sound like an obligation.

She pushed herself harder on as she ran, maintaining her speed as her heart raced, though not entirely from the exercise.

_"You know I do..."_

Sadie _had_ known he loved her. There was no way she couldn't have, after Paris. After that heartbreaking video when Steve was so panicked, after her birthday when he'd made all those promises and made good on them.

_"We can make something out of this..."_

And what a thing they'd made.

Yes, she'd known he loved her. But she hadn't believed it. Sadie waited for the day he'd realise how wrong she was for him and leave her like so many of her other adorations had.

Until she heard Steve's voice that night. So calm when he said it, the late hour weighing heavy on them, their confessions no big event but rather obvious fact.

Their love was doubtless.

Finally, Sadie believed that Steve Rogers loved her, and it should've made her the happiest woman in New York City- no, the world.

Instead, with their circumstances, and their struggle, his love made her the saddest.

"Shell! You wanna snap out of it?" Savannah's voice was loud in Sadie's ears- she'd almost forgotten about their call, had forgotten she was even still running as her mind wandered. "I did three and a half miles, you believe it? It used to take me fifteen minutes to run one!"

"Well done, Sav," Sadie grinned, as her machine came to a stop. "I'm proud."

"How did you do?" Sav asked eagerly.

Sadie glanced at the distance on her own machine before it shut down. Seven point five. Personal best- she used to run about six in this time.

"I did about the same," she grinned, sitting down to stretch her legs. Savannah was already sat, having moved her phone to the floor with her, apparently.

"I've been meaning to ask," Savannah said, pulling her arms across her chest. "How are you getting on over there, Shell?"

"Just fine," Sadie replied, mirroring her sister's stretches. "I sort of wish I could enjoy the sun further than the garden- the Valentina's are at a beach day, I can't believe I'm stuck inside in _July_. All I can do is babysit, and exercise, and- and I know how lucky I am, but..."

Sadie stopped herself then. She didn't need to complain so much, especially when Savannah was dealing with so much graduate stress herself. That was another thing Sadie hated- that she'd missed her baby sister graduate.

Savannah, however, didn't seem at all concerned with the complaining as she pressed, "But what?"

"I won't complain," she sighed.

"Yes, you will," Sav said firmly. "But what?"

"Listen, I have great friends," Sadie shrugged, hoping she would let it go. "Not many people would do what they've done for me. I mean, I put myself here, they shouldn't have to pick up the pieces. But they do."

"It's not your fault, Shell."

Sadie only laughed at that. "You're a lawyer now-"

"-Trainee," Savannah corrected.

"Point is, you know how they dished out that sentence," she shrugged. "I think my problem with this whole thing is that I haven't decided a single damned thing. I couldn't decide where I stood on the Accords, nearly broke my relationship because of it. I couldn't decide whether to-"

Sadie hesitated, checking the screen to ensure the call was still encrypted- no listening ears to disturb them.

"Whether to leave with Steve or not," she finished. "I need to just grow a spine."

"But you stayed for Mom, didn't you?" Savannah said, carefully. "Seems like you got plenty spine to me."

"Yeah, well, I had to come home," Sadie said. "She would've died alone."

"You didn't know that would happen."

"I felt it," Sadie said. "Even you did. Something was wrong, we knew it was."

"But Mom's gone now," Savannah tried, gently. "And you can leave. So why do you stay?"

Sadie glanced down to the tag on her ankle, thought about how she'd discovered the ability to remove it months ago, and yet... she couldn't cross the threshold.

"I broke the law," she said, quietly.

"You think you deserve this?"

Sadie frowned. "It's not up to me to pardon myself. You should know that better than anyone, Sav. I don't get to do that."

"But Steve does? All your friends, too?" Savannah questioned, before pausing momentarily. "You've always been much harsher on yourself than anyone else in your life."

"That's not true," Sadie laughed, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable on her mat. She stretched her sides.

"It is. I'm the same. Mom was, too," Savannah said. "How she used to burn herself out with all those extra shifts, but she never asked Dad to work more?Me, ignoring everyone and studying instead of just getting on with facial reconstruction?"

Sadie tried not to visibly wince at the thought of the damage from the fire. "Well, I'm not like the two of you."

"You're exactly like the two of us," Savannah laughed. "Better, even. You were a doctor by twenty-one! You skipped, like, three grades at school!"

"First of all, you're exaggerating," Sadie argued. "Second of all, where's the crime in being smart? What's the unexplored trauma in an A grade, huh?"

"You weren't a genius from the start-"

"Gee, thanks, Sav."

"No, I remember how you used to push yourself," her sister continued. "How we both did. You gotta admit, it wasn't normal behaviour for kids."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I had goals," she replied. "I knew I wanted to be a physician, but I didn't want to wait until my early thirties to be an independent one. I wanted to have time. So, here I am. Years ahead of schedule, even with this set back. What's so wrong with it?"

"I won't speak for you," Savannah said. "But I know if I could go back, I would tell myself to relax a little. You wouldn't do the same?"

"No," Sadie said, simply. "If I hadn't gone to school so early, I wouldn't have gone to Afghanistan, and if I hadn't gone to Afghanistan, I wouldn't have discovered my abilities. And sure, a lot of pain came with that at first, it still does come with that but... it's led me to so many things."

"Alright, fair enough," Savannah said, throwing up her hands, but Sadie's mind was still reeling.

"Besides, if I hadn't discovered my abilities," Sadie continued, unable to stop herself. "I wouldn't have been involved with SHIELD, and I wouldn't have met Steve, or the Avengers. I wouldn't have created G.E.M.I.N.I, which is saving hundreds of thousands of lives across the country, as we speak. I wouldn't be half the woman that I am. And- and I wouldn't have met Steve!"

"You said that twice," Savannah commented, casually, and Sadie didn't miss the smirk on her face.

"What?" Sadie asked, confused.

"You said it twice, that you wouldn't have met Steve," she elaborated, and Sadie frowned, trying to think if she had. Had she?

"Well," Sadie sighed. "He's probably the most important person in my life- I mean, apart from _you_ of course-"

"Hey, you don't need to say that, it's okay," Savannah smiled, softly.

"And Mom," Sadie continued, ignoring her. "Mom was important. More than anyone else, honestly. I can say that, right?"

"You can," Savannah said, sadly. "She was most important to me, too."

"But, still. She's gone, now," she sighed, the colossal sadness of loss flowing over her. She felt it physically- in her shoulders, and her stomach, and her head. The weight of grief. "Wish I could've helped her more."

"You did your best," Savannah said. "I mean, I wasn't even there."

"Because you couldn't be," Sadie said, quickly. "You couldn't be there, or you would've been."

"And you couldn't help her any more than you did, or you would have," Sav said. "See? Harsher on yourself than anyone else."

Sadie put her head in her hands then, and that's when she noticed the tears. She wiped them away with her workout towel, and didn't miss the shine in her sister's eyes, either.

"I'm no psychiatrist but... I think you need to be more forgiving of yourself," Savannah said, slowly. "And a good first step to that, would be to go to him."

"I can't," Sadie chuckled.

"Uh, you can," Sav said, obviously. "You can get that tag off, I know you can. You can call him up right now."

"Technically I can't," she said, thinking of the deleted number she'd forgotten already. Still, there was always Natasha... "Besides, I'm on house arrest. And I love my god kids and my friends and I can't just leave them. It'd hurt them."

"Would they hurt as much as you're hurting?" Savannah asked. "Would they feel as alone as you do, right now? Would they understand?"

"What, you graduate and suddenly you're all wise?" Sadie teased, but hearing it was like a punch to the gut, and Savannah's face told her she saw through it.

Would they understand?

Sadie knew, if Adrianne was sitting in this conversation, that she would. That Jamie would, and Sophia would, and Jacob would. And she knew that her mother would understand, if she tried to put the grief behind her, if she moved forward.

No, Shan wouldn't just understand- she would want her to move forward, insist on it. She even said so, right on her death bed!

"I think I've been making excuses," Sadie said, eventually, a clarity washing over her.

"Took you long enough," Savannah sighed. "Excuses for what?"

"To stop myself from being happy," she admitted. "To remain unhappy. Because that was kinda all I knew, with the war, and the fire, and Benjamin. And then, with Steve things were just so good. So... maybe subconsciously, I had to make it hard for myself. So I could feel like I deserve it?"

"Girl, are you _crazy?"_ Savannah practically screeched down the phone, picking it up from its resting position. "Of course you do! Love isn't a luxury. There's nothing wrong with chasing it!"

"Even with Mom gone?"

"Even with Mom gone," Savannah confirmed.

"You're only saying that cause you've got that new beau," Sadie teased- anything to take the attention off herself. "I still need to meet him!"

"No, you don't, it's not serious," her sister huffed. "Look, you can choose to listen to me, or you can ignore me and stay miserable all summer. You're going to be in trouble anyway, right? Even if you wait out your sentence, then go- you still won't turn up for parole, right? Unless you wait out your sentence and literally never see Steve again."

"Not an option," Sadie said, quickly, her skin crawling at the thought.

"I thought so," Savannah said. "Either way, you're going to break the law again. Might as well rip off the plaster?"

"You're really encouraging this?" Sadie asked, bewildered. "Cambridge Law graduate Savannah Marie Moore is encouraging that I cut my house arrest?"

"Hey, it's your call," her sister grinned. "I'm just telling you how it is. You want legal advice? There's no scenario where you don't end up on a crazy parole scheme, or a fugitive again. Both scenarios are messy. So, is it really worth it?"

Sadie thought back to Steve's letter, then. How regretful it was, how sad she'd found it.

"It isn't worth it at all," Sadie found herself saying, and Savannah cheered, clapping through the screen.

"So, you going?"

"I'm going," Sadie decided, a mixture of fear and excitement in her stomach. "I love you, Sav."

"I love you too, Shell," Savannah grinned. "Now I'm going to shower, you should do the same if you're gonna go get your man!"

"Shut up," Sadie laughed, as her sister waved.

"Stay safe!" Savannah shouted. "And keep in touch if you can!"

"I'll try," she replied, and Savannah blew a kiss to the screen before hanging up.

Immediately, Sadie shut the laptop down- she wouldn't be taking it with her. Her mind was a blur as she retrieved her burner phone, her hands shaking as she dialled Natasha's number.

The phone rang for so long that Sadie worried she'd miss the call, until Natasha's nonchalant voice answered the phone.

"Yup?"

Was that all Sadie got? She supposed she couldn't expect much more after their clash in Berlin, and how Sadie had beelined straight for her in Leipzig.

"Where's Steve, is he okay?" Sadie asked, her heart hammering.

"He's fine, he's showering. And you're interrupting my meal," Natasha sounds like she's eating something crunchy. "You okay? You're not dying?"

"No, I'm just... I'm sick of this house arrest gig," Sadie said. "Can you meet me?"

"Depends," Nat answered. "Can you get to Nevada before we move again?"

"I can get on a plane tonight," she answered. "Although JFK is gonna be a mission."

"Fly from Newark," Nat responded. "You have to blend in. Call the number I text you- they'll get you a passport and ID within twelve hours, just give them a new name. You need help with the ankle tag?"

Sadie let her hand glow briefly, the first time in a long time. "I got that covered."

"Hey, this is cute," Natasha said, her voice teasing, but she couldn't tell if it was sarcasm. "Flight's five hours, you might make it for his birthday."

"That's a plan now, you've made it a plan," Sadie said, excitedly, not caring if she sounded stupid. "Now text me that number, please. And don't tell Steve I called."

"If there's anyone that can keep a secret, it's me," Natasha said, her tone a little... off.

"Hey," Sadie said quickly. "Sorry I beat on you in Berlin. I was pissed."

"First of all," Natasha said, with a laugh. "You did not beat on me-"

"-I kinda did!"

"Anything you can do is stuff I taught you. Secondly, I've already forgotten about it," Natasha said. "Now call that number. Tell them Natalia sent you, and she's cashing in a favour. Give them your real name and the name you want on the passport. Then tell them you need it delivered, and give them an address. _Don't_ go to the shop, no matter what they say."

"Thank you," Sadie said, gratefully.

"Call me when you arrive in Vegas."

"Vegas?" Sadie asked, in surprise. "Isn't that the least subtle place you could be?"

"Sam's suggestion. You'd be surprised, though," Nat answered. "Everyone is too busy counting their cash to notice anything, so... Call me when you get here."

The phone beeped before Sadie could thank her again, and Natasha's voice was replaced by the sound of the Valentina family arriving home from the beach with excited chatter.

And Sadie had never felt so much hope in her life.

~

What would it take for Sam to understand that Steve was _not_ a party person? And what would it take for them to get out of Vegas, this sea of financial and moral chaos?

Still, Steve's friend had insisted they go out the night before his birthday, and Natasha has insisted she stay back at the motel- lapping up all that rest and relaxation Steve craved the most.

And now, instead of starting his day, Steve was getting back as the sun came up. He was exhausted- not physically- he hadn't danced like Sam had, instead staying way on the sidelines in the dark seating area, waiting.

Steve would have left on his own, but part of being fugitives was sticking together. And so he tolerated hours of music he hated, and women who didn't understand personal space until Steve had to actually had tell them _no, I won't dance, and I won't buy you any drinks, the bar is that way._

It wasn't in his nature to be rude, but he had to lay down a line. There was only one woman Steve would be so attentive to and she was in New York, not Vegas.

Steve dragged his feet down the motel hall, leaving Sam behind as the soldier disappeared to sleep off his active night. Sleep sounded good right now, but the last thing Steve wanted was to mess up his schedule.

Perhaps a short nap. An hour or two couldn't hurt, could it? Clearly, he needed it too, as it took him several goes to get his keycard to work on the door, but as soon as he did, Steve immediately shut the door behind him.

He leaned against the white wood, closing his eyes for a moment, and honestly he could've stayed right there and been quite happy. At least until he heard a familiar silken voice behind him.

"Hey, you."

Steve's heart stopped straight in his chest and it was muscle memory to smile as he looked at Sadie. She was right in front of him, posed dramatically with one hand under her chin and the other outstretched as she smiled a cheesy grin.

And she looked... just glorious. Perched on the windowsill, wearing a cotton button up shirt he recognised as his, the hem of it resting at mid thigh. Light spilled in behind her catching on something shiny- with a laugh, Steve realised she wore a red gift bow in her voluminous hair and held a blue one in her hands.

"Oh my God," he said stupidly, dropping his bags to the ground. "Oh my God, you're beautiful."

Sadie laughed lightly, walking over to him and sticking the blue bow into his hair while Steve just stood there like an idiot, stunned and smiling as his heart slowly started again.

"I'm the greatest present you ever received, aren't I?" she asked, cheekily.

"Absolutely," he said, instinctively wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close until their bodies were pressed together. "You look great."

Sadie made a face. "I packed on a few pounds."

"I don't care," Steve said, honestly. "You look amazing and you're so- I love you."

"I love you too," Sadie smiled, tracing shapes on his chest.

"You remember then?" he teased and she cringed, shutting her eyes.

"A little," she chuckled. "It's embarrassing."

"It's endearing," Steve corrected. "But you have to tell me everything I've missed. Like that fact that you're early- what happened? I had a whole plan to come get you-"

Sadie only smiled, and cut him off by pressing her lips against his, kissing him deeply, and he forgot all his words as he melted into her. It was so surreal, being able to hold her, and kiss her this way, and it was so different to the kiss they'd shared at their goodbye longer than a year ago.

This held a certain heat, his stomach filled with butterflies as he revelled in the feel of her. Her warmth against him, her hands draped on the nape of his neck, the way her body relaxed and he held her up. He felt her hands make their way into his hair as she parted from their kiss, tousling it gently.

"I like the new look, by the way," Sadie said, her fingers dragging down past his temple, tracing his bearded jaw.

"It's good for anonymity," he told her.

"Apart from when it's not," she smiled, in reference to his chance encounter on the night train- he'd told her all about it in his letters.

"Apart from when it's not," Steve repeated. "If I'd have known I was seeing you, I would've cleaned up a little."

"I'm glad you didn't. I like it this way, keep it this way," Sadie said, her voice a low and sensual murmur that made him want to kiss her again. So he did.

Steve didn't worry about his wandering hands, especially since Sadie's response was to press against him, and guide his grip down her curved body. Then, a sharp tug of his hair that made him let out an embarrassing groan.

He was used to nothing but softness from those hands of hers. With her glowing light, the combination of her gentle power and the harsh act- it stirred a heat deep inside him. That was when he knew he'd have to stop, before he got ahead of himself.

"Sadie," Steve said, dragging his hands to a safer zone, as she pressed quick, feverish kisses against his lips. Even the gaps between those were almost too much to bear- he understood it now, what she'd written in that letter he'd read over and over.

_When I see you again, don't let me kiss you, because I don't know if I'll stop._

"Sadie, sugar," he said again, pressing a finger to her lips. She even kissed that, a quick peck that made him smile. "Let's slow down. We have time."

"Okay," Sadie said, instead just wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. "I was just thinking we could, um... work up an appetite? Before breakfast?"

"Oh," Steve said, that familiar burn rising- he hadn't felt that in a while.

"Yeah, but," she raised an eyebrow. "You seem to wanna _slow down."_

"Oh, I don't mind," he said, a little too eagerly and not as smooth as he would've liked. "Really, I'm not... super insistent on that."

"You said it, it's done," Sadie shrugged, and Steve could have kicked himself. "We have time."

The blue light from her hands had travelled right up her forearms now, past her elbow. He could feel it through his skin, see it through his eyelids when he blinked.

"Sorry," she admitted, bashfully, although he had no clue what she was sorry for.

That was when Sadie stepped away, her hands and forearms still bright with light, and began to shake them off. It took Steve several moments to realise she was trying to shake out the glow.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"I'm fine," Sadie grinned, wiping her palms against her thighs- they still glowed bright. "They haven't done this in a while. Mimicry's been... relatively dormant for the past year. Used it once or twice- nothing like I used to."

"Oh," Steve said. "And now..."

"It's your fault," Sadie grinned, apparently giving up on trying to calm the glow. "Only time it's ever involuntary."

"I always thought you did it on purpose," Steve smirked, strangely satisfied by this discovery.

"Do you like it?" she asked, stepping forward to trace his face as his eyes fell shut, letting the familiar warmth wash over him.

"It isn't... horrible," Steve admitted, trying hard not to latch himself onto her again.

Sadie chuckled in response, low and close to him. "I missed you a lot."

He'd missed her too. It had been hell writing those letters to her, knowing he wouldn't hear back, and even though he knew Sadie wiped his number, he always checked his burner- just in case.

But still, despite the pain of it, Steve wrote anyway, he wouldn't break a promise to her. Especially knowing that if the letters brought comfort, it would've been much needed.

"Sadie, I'm-" he struggled to find the words. He knew the pain of it, losing a mother, he knew she'd still be feeling it even as she stood before him. Like he still sometimes felt the loss of his own. "I'm sorry about your mom. She was... a wonderful woman."

"Thank you," Sadie said, ever brave. But he didn't want her to feel that she had to be, not with him. Still, he could see in her eyes that she wanted to change the topic, so he did.

"Will you be going back to work?" Steve asked.

"Well, that's the thing," she said, a nervous grimace on her face. "Don't kill me, okay?"

"Sadie, what did you do?"

"I may or may not have two months left of my sentence-"

"Sadie!"

"-so I can't go back to New York."

"Two months?" Steve couldn't be too angry with her, but still- a bounty on her head, too? After everything? "What changed?"

"Listen, Steve I know you want to know absolutely _everything_ but our coffee's getting cold."

She strode across the room, and that was the first time Steve was fully aware of his changed surroundings. The small motel room, with the windows wide open, the double bed with fresh satin sheets, the television he was glad was off, and a full breakfast spread waiting on the table, decorated with rose petals and one of the red flowers in a vase.

Steve just knew, as he followed her over, that this was not a service that came with the room. "So this is why Sam dragged me out..."

"Happy birthday, baby," Sadie smiled, picking up two flasks of piping coffee and holding them out to him.

"Thanks," he said, placing a kiss on her cheek. "Don't sing the birthday song."

"I will not sing the birthday song," she agreed, rolling her eyes. "I was never going to sing the birthday song. I hate it. The birthday song never goes well. And I'm a horrible singer."

"You're not bad," he said. She was already leaning into him and it drove him crazy, even as she rolled her eyes at his half compliment. Steve glanced down at the coffee. "Which one's mine?"

"Either," Sadie grinned. "I know you like a double espresso in the mornings, but you also like a good macchiato too, so I got you both, and you can pick!"

"Wow, thanks," Steve said again, and he felt like it was all he was saying, genuinely moved by her attention to detail. "You really gave this a lot of thought."

"Well, I've had time on my hands," Sadie joked, but for him, it was a stark reminder. While he'd been free on the road, she'd spent months on house arrest. "Now, pick one."

Steve knew that Sadie liked a macchiato too, so he opted for the espresso instead. She gave him a look that told him she knew exactly why he'd chosen as he had.

Steve took a sip of the rich espresso, pointedly letting out a satisfied sigh as she opened her mouth to argue with his choice to leave her the macchiato, simply because it was what she liked.

"Let's eat," he said, pulling out a seat for her to sit in, and she surrendered, and he joined her.

The table wasn't so big- a small rectangle with two wooden chairs. But still, Steve felt so far away from her, and he was sat down for a grand total of five seconds before he stood up again, pulling his chair abruptly to her side as he sat down again.

Sadie raised an eyebrow at him, taking a bite out of a brioche bun as he sat there, his fingers tapping against the table cloth.

"You aren't going to eat, then?" she asked him shifting in her seat so her knees were pulled up against her chest. He caught a glimpse of his favourite red lace beneath her shirt.

"Yeah, sure ," Steve replied, although he was really unconcerned with breakfast as he looked at her. He didn't want to stop looking at her. And she was too far away. He moved his chair closer.

"Boy," Sadie said, leaning away from him with a frown. "If you don't stop being a creep and eat your damn- _I hate you!"_

Steve couldn't stop himself from pulling her into his lap as she laughed, slapping him playfully. But Sadie put her feet up as he held her close, so he assumed she wasn't too mad.

"Isn't that more comfortable?" he said, kissing her hair.

She didn't answer, instead just biting her lip as she leaned against him. "How are you gonna eat?"

"Feed me."

"Man-child," Sadie scoffed, but offered a bite of her bread anyway.

They sat that way for a while, together in near silence, eating, sharing meals. Steve fed himself once the novelty wore off and practicality became more important, but Sadie stayed in his lap, her back against his front, her head on his shoulder.

"You know, there was this time when I was a kid," Sadie said, eventually, her voice quiet. "I was probably about Sophia's age. And Sav was real small. Our mom took us out to this, like, French indie place for breakfast."

"Sounds nice," Steve commented, waiting for wherever this story would take them.

"It was," she chuckled. "That was the first time I came home with all A's on my report card. 'Course, it kinda became routine, but I guess my mom wasn't expecting it. That was when I first started studying hard. I remember being so upset with myself because I didn't have a single A plus."

"Anyway, I ordered a pancake stack. _Four_ whole pancakes with Nutella and strawberries and maple syrup! The dream!" She laughed. "Momma said I deserved it. Then she saw the price on the menu, and she said _'Shell, you can order the stack. But you gotta give one to your sister, and save one for your dad.'_ She didn't even take a pancake for herself. God, we were so broke."

Steve lifted a hand to turn her chin, and her eyes were so sad as she looked at him.

"You've come a long way," he said gently. "I don't just mean money-wise."

"Have I?"

"She was proud of you," Steve assured her. "I'm proud of you."

Sadie nodded sadly at that. "Will you take me to bed?" she asked, quietly.

Steve lifted her up without another word then, placing soft kisses along her neck as they went, her arms wrapped tight around his torso, as she whispered sweet nothings.

She leaned into him as he set her down, letting out a soft sigh as he kissed the spot where her smooth jaw and neck connected. When he parted from her, the skin where he'd been was left a reddish tinge- his favourite thing to do, and he missed doing it.

"Does it look good?" Sadie asked, referring to the bruise with a cheeky smile and he couldn't help but smile as he hovered over her.

It did look good on her though, as did everything. Even the sunlight looked good as it danced atop her bronze cheeks, the light from the window bathing them in warmth. Her dark brown eyes, capable of holding an entire night sky, the ringlets of her raven hair piled so flatteringly- it all _looked_ good.

But it wasn't important. Better than all of that was the light Steve saw inside her, the goodness and care she held in her heart.

In that moment, Steve decided he'd have a life with Isadora Moore. He didn't know what sort of life he could give her, but he was too selfish, and too adoring to give her up again.

"I love you," Steve said, desperately. "I'm never leaving you again."

"You didn't leave me," she said, quietly. "I said I wouldn't go."

"I should've found some other way," he sighed. "To be close to you."

Sadie pulled him to her then, hugging him tightly, her head buried in the nape of his neck as he returned her embrace. She held him like a vice and could feel a serenity washing over him as she released all his tension and they lay there.

"You're close to me now," she reminded him, and did he know it with the heat of her. "That's all that matters. Nothing else, nothing at all."

He wished he could speak, wished he could say something to encompass it all, but his mind came up blank.

"I love you more than anything," Steve found himself saying. "I'm never leaving you again."

"I love you, too," Sadie sighed, her breath warm against her neck as she snuggled closer to him, and their previous heat made way for a quiet peace. "We're never leaving each other. We're making something out of this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! I have no Valentine myself, hence why I'm living vicariously through Stadie right now but I'm honestly not fussed ahaha!
> 
> I hope this chapter was satisfying for you all- God bless Savannah and her honesty, I swear. Sadie was originally supposed to figure it out in a therapy session but it felt so, well, clinical, so we got some sisterly love instead!!
> 
> I'm so excited that the house arrest is over- we're so close to Infinity War now, just a few missions in between to get Sadie back into the swing of things! Can't wait to write action again at long last. Timeline is slightly altered for all this, but it works. Things are coming together!
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> -Amber.


	47. Anonymity

The summer heat of Nevada lingered even with the rise of the moon and the shine of the stars. Muffled music and the pops of fireworks filtered through the air, but better than the atmosphere and celebration of Independence Day, was Sadie's company.

Better, was Steve's voice in her ear, his hands on her skin, and the view of him, so healthy and safe as they sat and watched the bursts of red, white and blue in the sky.

_"They're celebrating you,"_ Sadie had teased, earlier.

Steve had only kissed her, and smiled. _"We're celebrating us."_

"I don't want to move from here," Sadie sighed, the soft breeze from the open window blowing past the mesh curtains to kiss her skin. "This day has been perfect."

"I don't want to either," Steve said, softly, pulling his arms tighter around her as she leaned back into him. "But it's better if we move under dark. Staying another day isn't an option."

"You're right," Sadie sighed, but neither of them moved.

"We're going to have to be all sensible on that jet," he said, but it sounded more like a complaint than an order. "With the others there."

"Says who?" Sadie chuckled, craning her neck to get a better look at him.

"Says the next few missions lined up," Steve answered. "Are you ready to work again?"

"Are you kidding?" she grinned, finally dragging herself to her feet. "I've been ready to work for months."

"But?" he asked, attempting to pull her back, but she dodged his touch playfully.

"There's nothing else," Sadie said, pulling on a pair of sweats. He didn't seem to be very convinced, though.

"There is something else," Steve said, and she sighed.

"How do you know?" she asked, casually.

Sadie was glad she stood, because she could use the excuse of getting dressed as a way not to look at him. Because if she did look at him, there on the bed with little more than the linen and his briefs to cover him- it would be far too easy to give in.

Steve though, seemed completely unaware of the temptation he provided, far more concerned with the topic she was trying to avoid as he crossed the room to her.

"Something's bothering you."

Sadie chuckled as she buttoned up her shirt. "Absolutely nothing is-"

"Sadie," Steve said, spinning her around to face him.

He didn't say anything else then, and she knew the trick- he was waiting for her to fill the silence. It was never usually a problem, to stay in a moment's quiet with Steve. But when he was looking at her so seriously, waiting for her to speak, and when his skin was still bare, and she could feel the heat of him-

"There's no way I can say it without sounding selfish," she explained, the words tumbling out like an avalanche. "How do I phrase it? If I say I don't wanna heal anymore then that's-"

"You don't want to heal anymore?" Steve repeated, shock written all over his face. She shrunk away slightly, frowning.

"Inaccurate, and dramatic," Sadie finished, looking him up and down. She turned back to the bag on the table and pulled out a set of clothes which she threw his way, and he caught. "Get dressed."

"You're not off the hook," he insisted, but he followed her orders regardless.

"Look, of course, I _want_ to heal," Sadie started. "But every job I've done in the past, what, two years? Almost all of them have failed, or gone badly. With Stephen, I made him worse, and now he's God knows where."

"I think it's 'inaccurate' to measure it as two years," Steve commented. "This past year hardly counts. For any of us."

"Okay, then it's one year, then," she conceded. "Point stands. If you're hurt you can come to me, I'll always help you, Steve, but... I don't want to give strangers false hope."

"It isn't false," he said, finishing dressing with an impressive speed. "I know that firsthand."

"I appreciate that," Sadie said, crossing back over to him, draping her arms around his shoulders. "I just have to ease into all this. That make sense?"

Steve only nodded then, and Sadie couldn't help but smile as he leaned into her. It seemed she could render him speechless just as he could pull words out of her.

"You're so attentive," she sighed, brushing her lips over his. "But I'm okay."

"If you think kissing me will make me shut up," Steve murmured. "Then you're absolutely right."

"I'll make a note of that," Sadie smiled, as she pulled out of their kiss. "We're getting going?"

"You're the boss," Steve said, simply. "But before we hit the road, what's your cover?"

For some reason, that took Sadie aback. She hadn't thought about any consistent story. "What?"

"If a store clerk starts a conversation, or you gotta explain something," he elaborated. "What's your cover?"

"I... I don't have one," Sadie admitted.

"Okay," Steve said, and there was no judgement in his face. "You picked a name? Something you'll remember?"

"I got them to put Savannah Valentina on my ID," Sadie grinned. "My sister and my soul sister."

"Sounds great," he smiled. "So what brings you to Nevada?"

"I came out here to follow a guy I really like. He's an army guy, constantly on the move," Sadie explained, as Steve nodded, ever true to his role as the curious stranger. "He works _super_ hard. So, we're getting away from the world for a little while."

"Impressive," Steve said, and Sadie could have sworn she could see him grow little red in the face.

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which only made him blush harder. It was extremely satisfying. She hadn't seen him this bashful in a long time.

"What's your cover then, Steve?"

"Who's Steve?" He grinned, and she rolled her eyes. "You might be mixing me up with someone."

"I told you mine, doofus! What's your cover?"

"Alright, alright," Steve laughed. "Grant Stevens."

"Grant Stevens?" Sadie repeated. "That's lame."

"Well, it's a name I'll remember but nobody else will, unlike yours," Steve teased.

"Shut up," she argued. "Savannah Valentina is much tamer than Isadora-Michelle Moore."

"Well, I love Isadora-Michelle Moore," he answered, and it was her turn to be bashful, and his turn to grin. He didn't tease her though, steering back to the topic. "My story was that I'm on the road _'finding myself_ '. But I guess now I'm the army guy that works too hard and has a beautiful girl chasing him across country."

"Wow, isn't it crazy how your whole life can change in just a few days?" Sadie laughed.

"It really is," Steve replied, maybe a little too sincerely. Sadie kissed him again, just because she could. "I'm surprised you could think of a story that quick. Took me a while."

"I mean, there's no lie," she shrugged. "Technically, you are an army guy. Certainly work too hard."

Steve rolled his eyes but he didn't argue with that, and it didn't take them long to gather their things before they went.

Sadie insisted on stealing all of the soap and taking two cans of coke for the road. Steve insisted on tidying the dishes from breakfast and room service and leaving a thank you note for the cleaning ladies while he was at it.

They knocked on the doors of both Sam and Natasha to no avail. Unsurprising, since they were at least twenty minutes late for their rendezvous.

"Ma'am!"

Sadie could have had a heart attack for the attention as she and Steve crossed the motel reception.

She was relieved to notice the voice was only a member of staff behind the desk, and so the couple paused instead of running. There were two- a man around the age of fifty, and another half his age.

"Ma'am, do you have ID?" the older man asked, and Sadie nodded, pulling out the false card.

"Wait," Steve said, as she handed it over. "Why do you need her ID? We're on our way out, not in."

"The room was booked for two but we only have..." the man glanced down at the name on the card. "Mr Stevens' name on file. We're just covering our own backs, I'm sure you understand."

Sadie certainly didn't miss how the man's eyes lingered on her as he said so, scrutinising her ID like a minor at a bar. And she didn't miss how the younger man beside him eyed her tote bag, as if she would have something to hide in there.

She wondered for half a second if they would have checked Natasha's ID- wondered whether or not they'd checked Sam's. She'd ask him later.

"You don't need to cover anything," Steve pressed. "We're an honest pair. And I think you've looked at my girl's photo long enough."

"Your girl?"

Sadie could have slapped the man for the shock on his face.

"Yes," Steve said, firmly.

The man just gave a tight lipped smile as he handed back her card, holding his hand out to Steve expectantly. She didn't think that the man had any previous intention to check up on Steve but, perhaps her partner's loud mouth had irritated him.

Sadie could tell from Steve's demeanour that he wanted out of there as soon as possible, but he gave over his ID anyway, tapping his foot impatiently.

"You look very different from your photo," the man said, and Sadie was quick to jump in before Steve could say something argumentative.

"It's the facial hair," she smiled, leaning against Steve's shoulder. "Everyone's a catfish these days, am I right?"

"You look a lot like that fella," the man started, as he handed back their ID. "Which one was it you said earlier, Johnny?"

"C-Captain America," the younger man said, nervously, and Sadie did her best to give a good natured laugh.

"Captain America, sure," the man drawled. "But that can't be, can it?"

Sadie glanced over at Steve beside her who was not helping his case by keeping that intimidating frown in his brow, and hardly moving an inch. She'd have to save them then.

"Everyone used to say he was the exact doppelgänger when we were in college," Sadie giggled, in a voice that was completely not her own. "Right, baby?"

"What?" Steve said, clearly shocked by her unfamiliar tone. "Oh. Yes, yes they did."

"I'll be honest, it's why I went for him," Sadie added, for her own enjoyment now. "I _love_ Captain America."

"Right," Steve chuckled, tightly. "Maybe a little too much."

"My wife's the same," the man said, and it seemed his guard was down. "Says she likes me cause I look like a young Robert De Niro, but I don't know if that's a good thing!"

Sadie couldn't think of anyone who looked less like young De Niro, but she chose not to comment on that.

She also chose not to comment on the fact that the man hardly acknowledged her at all in the conversation, not looking her way once after he cleared her ID.

"I guess I have something of his charm," the man continued, before nodding to Steve. "There's worse men to be compared to, am I right?"

Steve looked like he didn't know what to say to that, his defensiveness still a solid barrier, so Sadie jumped in once again, despite the fact she was sure she would be ignored.

"Well, we've had a wonderful stay here," she smiled.

They were swift to walk away then, Steve letting out a heavy sigh of relief next to her as they stepped onto the street. Sadie bit back her laughter as she looked at him- the pure annoyance on his face was completely endearing.

"It's not funny," Steve said, as he linked his hand in hers. "That guy's a pig."

"He's just covering his back," Sadie said, with sarcastic innocence. "Can't believe my kids are going to have to deal with that micro aggressive bullshit."

_"Your_ kids?" Steve asked, pointedly, and Sadie cringed for the slip up.

"We're not family-planning while we're on the run," she said, quickly. "And you haven't put a ring on it anyway, sir."

That didn't seem to take him off guard as she thought it would. Instead, Steve just hummed in response, lifting their intertwined hands. Conveniently, he'd been holding her left.

"How about when we stop running?" He asked it so casually, only half-looking at her as they crossed the street to where Nat had hidden the Quinjet.

"You're so sure that we will?" Sadie asked, in return.

"Wanda stopped," he said. "She's safe. Checks in."

"Wanda is Wanda," she said. "You're you. We saw what happened back there, and you told me what happened on that Tennessee train. Can't tell me those are the only close calls."

"If we found some place in the country..."

Steve didn't look like he believed his own words, but there was a steady hope in his blue eyes and his soft smile that Sadie couldn't help but feel it too. Even if she was a city girl at heart.

"Maybe when stop running," she conceded. "Someday."

Instead of pressing on the topic, Steve only gave her a look as he opened up the jet. A quipped brow, a bitten back laugh. Sadie couldn't help but smile herself as she realised he had been thinking the same as she had in the motel reception- and not on the topic of micro-aggression.

"Young De Niro?" Steve laughed. "Is he serious?"

"He's got some of his charm. At least, as much as any middle aged, pot bellied idiot in the West," Sadie said as they entered the jet. "Sam! Did you get carded at the desk?"

"Think you already know the answer to that," Sam said, and then, by way of greeting: "So you cut parole?"

"No, she cut her sentence," Natasha said, waltzing over from the cockpit. "Couldn't stick it out."

"I lasted longer than any of you would," Sadie laughed, as Natasha tossed a familiar duffel bag to her feet. "Oh, you angel!"

"Stealth suit," she said, nonchalantly, and Sadie's smile fell. "Don't look like that, it's not a fashion show."

"I hate that thing," Sadie grinned, but she took the bag regardless.

"You're gonna need that thing where we're headed," Sam commented, and she nodded. "If Cap finally agrees to go, that is."

Of course, Steve in all his silence, was changed into his own stealth suit at the back of the jet in his lightning fast way. And he looked almost exactly the same as any other time she'd seen him wear it, besides one major difference.

His silver star was gone, only the indentation of the stitches remained. Something to talk about later, she thought.

"I don't see why we can't go," he shrugged, and Sadie frowned. "No use avoiding it anymore."

"Where?"

"Jakarta," Natasha said. "Those weapons have spread around the world, it's like a game of whack-a-mole. And we've only been dealing with America."

"But if there were other threats..."

"Cap didn't wanna leave the States," Sam commented. "Even though it's apparently fine to hop over to Wakanda, it was a push to get him to Quebec."

"Why?" Sadie asked, turning to face Steve who had been exceptionally busy adjusting his gloves.

He only gave her a look, and she understood it. Sadie's heart swelled at the gesture, that he'd stayed on this side of the Pacific for her- in case she ever needed him.

He'd meant it when he said he'd go get her if she asked him to.

"Let's get the hell out of this place," Nat said, breaking the silence. "We've been here too long, and been too loud while we were. Bounty hunters are probably racing in on this location. Sadie, did you take care of what I asked?"

"Anyone who has been tracking me will be finding lots of room reservations for locations we're nowhere near," she confirmed. "And folks back in New York are giving a few false tips."

"Alright," Steve nodded. "Let's buckle up. It's almost a day's journey to Indonesia."

~

They'd landed in the outskirts Jakarta after nineteen hours flight that Sadie had used half of to fit in golden brown extensions in the form of box braids- a colour she would never usually go for, but maybe it would help her to remain slightly incognito. And braids, at least, were easier to maintain on the road than her loose curls.

Sam, Nat and Steve had taken turns to fly and that left Sadie feeling extremely guilty that she couldn't help. So she'd started to learn, terrifying as it was. Steve kept telling her it wasn't so different to driving a car. So far, Sadie didn't find that to be true.

"We need to remember to stay out of the sun," Sadie said, going over the plans in her head. "It's the dry season, and it gets hot as hell."

"If we can just intercept this trade without blowing up the city, I'll be satisfied," Sam said as he opened the jet, and the team nodded gravely.

Since Steve had been so insistent to remain in the States, Sadie could guess this was the first real international mission since Lagos. Personally, she didn't count Berlin- they hadn't been fighting true enemies then.

"We'll head to position," Nat said, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear before looking over at Steve and Sadie. "Two of you coming?"

"Sure," Sadie grinned, moving to follow Sam and Natasha as they walked onto the dusty road, but Steve grasped her hand.

"You forgot these," he said, and she realised he'd put some material in her grip.

She turned the grey fabric in her hands. Her arm cuffs, the Red Cross embroidered on them. The scarlet burned her hands. But at least he hadn't brought her hat.

"Oh, I wasn't going to wear them," Sadie smiled, casually, setting the cuffs on the bench.

"Why?" Steve asked, and she wished he wouldn't look at her that way. All worry and... disappointment?

"The colour is a little bright, don't you think?" she chuckled. "We're supposed to sneak up on these guys."

"It's broad daylight," Steve said. "Don't think a little red will make a difference."

"Steve, I told you I'm not... I don't work like before," Sadie sighed. "I can't go around wearing that symbol when I don't work like before."

"But it's important," he reminded her. "This is who you are."

"No more than that star was," she countered, gesturing to the outline on his chest.

"Sadie, I just got you back," Steve said, desperately. "Don't change now."

Sadie took a breath then, bit back her reply that she already had changed. Losing her work, losing her friends, losing her mother had changed her already.

"If someone's hurt I'll use what's in my belt," she said, instead.

"But if you can do better than that, shouldn't you?" Steve asked, and she didn't resist the urge to roll her eyes. "I realise you've had a lot of knocks lately-"

"Tiny knocks," Sadie commented. "Tiny mistakes- stupid mistakes."

"It's all built up, hasn't it?" he asked, and she couldn't help her frown then. Sadie didn't know whether to hate him or love him more for all his insight.

"It was... a gradual epiphany, yes."

"I just think you have so much more to give-"

"Steve, I love you, but I don't wanna go in circles," Sadie said, bringing a hand to his face. "I know you want to help, but I need to heal for myself first. Can you just trust me on this? Okay?"

Steve didn't say anything, but she could tell he was still wracking his brain for a way to change her mind, a way to fix her right away. And Sadie felt a little guilty then, wished she could feel better already, that she wasn't so wary of healing- if only so that she could stop him worrying about her.

But she didn't feel better. And not only was she still wary, but she was afraid. Of failing like she'd failed Rhody, how she'd failed Shan- of hurting people like she'd hurt Stephen Strange.

It was better to stay on the safe side.

"I love you," Sadie sighed. "Just trust me. Okay?"

"Okay," Steve answered, his brow still furrowed. "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope the fluff/angst balance wasn't too crazy for you all. Sadie is struggling but she's still grieving her mother, she still feels guilty for her failures throughout Civil War (not saving people in Lagos, and Vienna, and then Rhody too) and on top of all that she's assuming the worst has happened to Stephen even though we know the bloke is thriving lmao
> 
> bit of a slow chapter but we'll be getting into more action soon!
> 
> let me know what you think!
> 
> -Amber.


	48. Mission Statements

Jakarta had led them to Kuala Lumpur. Kuala Lumpur had led them to Abu Dhabi, then to Frankfurt, and now to Wellington and the whole team was frustrated with it all. The weapons chain was much bigger than they'd imagined, and nobody would let up who the boss was. So Captain America, Aceso, The Falcon and Black Widow flew from country to country, chasing almost cold leads.

Except for this one. This guy was so important, apparently, that he thought he could shoot Steve right in front of Sadie and get away with it.

 _"It's fine,_ " Steve had insisted. _"I'll be fine, just don't let that guy get away!"_

When she assessed the wound, Sadie discovered that Steve was right, the bullet had only nicked the skin beneath his suit, barely skimming muscle and certainly not hitting anything vital. But that wasn't the point. Steve could still barely walk because of it.

She was on her own then, with Steve down and Sam and Nat covering the lower levels, but Sadie had enough rage in her that it didn't take her long to run the weapon's dealer. And that was how she ended up where she was, her glowing arm holding a man in chokehold, her heel pressed down on his wrist and her voice holding a certain venom.

"Where's your boss?" she spat, as the man squirmed beneath her.

"I am the boss," he answered, his New Zealand accent as thick as his attitude.

"Bullshit," Sadie laughed, bitterly. "We already know this is some kind of web. So I'll ask you again, where's your boss?"

The man squirmed again, straining to reach the gun Sadie had disarmed from him. She put more weight into her heel and he groaned out in pain.

"You've pissed me off today. You shot my man," she said. "So if I were you, I'd cooperate. And don't even think of giving me false tips- we've been around the world enough to narrow down most places. Now. Where. Is. Your. Boss?"

"They'll kill me if I tell you."

"Then you'd better run."

"I have a family!"

"Take them with you," Sadie said, simply. "We'll give you a head start."

"Fifty thousand dollars," he offered, and Sadie barked out a laugh, tightening her grip.

"What about the glowing arm around your neck gives you the idea that you are in any position to barter, sir?" she asked, keeping her voice low, and close to his ear.

"You're not gonna hurt me," he said with a false bravado that Sadie could see through.

She raised an eyebrow "Oh, really?"

"Gimme a break!" he laughed, but her chokehold made it more of a stutter. "You're _Aceso_. It's the whole point of you! Maybe your boyfriend could've but I got him, didn't I-"

"You piece of shit!" Sadie shouted releasing the chokehold only to drive her fist into his face. There was the crack of bone, and blood began to gush from the dealer's nose. "He killed six guys when someone took a shot at me, you think I won't repay the debt with one?"

Truth was, Sadie wouldn't kill today. And she wouldn't kill tomorrow either. But this man didn't need to know that.

"Okay! Okay, okay!"

The man didn't reach for his gun, far too concerned with stemming the bleeding from his mouth and nose. Then he spat on the ground, and Sadie noticed the gold of a tooth come with it.

"They operate from Barcelona," he gasped.

"No games?"

"No games," he confirmed. "But these guys are like the fucking Mafia, okay? They're gonna know you're coming!"

"Give me a location."

"They got a factory by Nova Icaria," he rambled. "It's big, you can't miss it- it's where the rest of us get all our stuff from."

Sadie leaned back into a crouch then, and the thug breathed a sigh of relief. She raised her hand to her communicators.

"You guys copy that?"

"Yeah," Natasha's voice answered, the sound of combat in the background. "Sam and I are almost done with the lower levels but we could use some back up."

"Steve?" Sadie asked, worry building when she didn't hear a response. "Steve!"

"I'm okay," he said, eventually, but his words were distant. "I can stand, I just- there's more blood than I thought. I could use some..."

The next voice was Sam as Steve trailed off. "Sadie, where did you leave him?"

"Right where we were, I-"

"Go and fix him so the pair of you can get down here!"

Sadie paused for a moment, looking back at the man she interrogated who listened with fear in his eyes. "You go," she told him. "Get your family, run. Don't let me ever see you in this business again."

The man ran in the opposite direction almost as fast as Sadie ran to Steve, pushing herself faster than she'd ran even to catch the thug. But when she reached Steve at last, he was standing just as he had said he could, in the spot she'd left him, right beside the warehouse stairs.

"You get shot in the leg and you think it's a good idea to stand on it?" Sadie asked, as she reached him. The bandage she'd tied on Steve's calf was soaked crimson. She pulled scissors out of her utility belt.

"We need to make a plan to help them," Steve said, pointing down the balcony to where Sam and Nat fought three levels below.

"We need to get that leg healed," Sadie said, kneeling so she was level with his wound as she cut away the dirty bandages, and let her hands glow.

She hesitated for a moment, taking a breath as her hands hovered above his bloodied skin. How long had it been since she healed? She couldn't remember. It didn't matter though- this was Steve, and he was getting paler as she looked up at him for consent, or reassurance.

Not that he was at all concerned, apparently, since his eyes were still trained on the fight below. Alright, Sadie thought. Assumed consent was okay in first aid, right? Especially when the patient was a loved one, uncaring of the fact that he was bleeding obtusely. Sadie didn't hesitate a moment longer as she began her work.

"Alright, I have a plan," Steve said, turning around and Sadie gripped his leg for balance.

"Stay still," she hissed at him, as she closed her eyes, imagining the damage reversing.

Her progress was slower than it used to be, but it was working, and Steve's distraction was enough of a clue that she wasn't hurting him, so... she'd take small victories.

"If you disarm those guys on the right," he continued, keeping his voice low so as to not attract attention. "I'll run in and get the ones on the left. That should ease them off Sam on my end and Natasha on yours."

"In order for you to run anywhere, I have to fix this leg of yours," Sadie said, looking up at him. "Now, stay still, already. Doctor's orders."

Steve's face was still much paler than she would have been comfortable with, but he smiled at her regardless, running a hand over her golden brown braids. "Curious position you're in, doc."

"Shut the fuck up," Sadie laughed, slapping his leg as she finished healing and stood. "The level of disrespect!"

"Says the woman cursing- I was perfectly good before I met you," he smirked, and Sadie rolled her eyes. "Anyway, aren't I allowed to say those things in private company?"

"Not when we're working. You play too much," she said, firmly, and Steve, the idiot that he was, put his hands together, bowing his head in mock apology. "How are you feeling?"

"Little light headed," Steve said, taking her hand- he was still pale, despite his jokes. "It'll pass in a minute. Okay, there's more of them now, we'll have to-"

"Babe, you lost a lot of blood, you should sit this one out," she suggested. "I can fight from up here _and_ keep an eye on you."

"Thanks for healing me," Steve said, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. "I know it must've been hard for you after everything, but I'm okay."

"You're sure?" Sadie asked, uncertainly.

"I'm sure," he replied, giving her hand a squeeze before he turned to walk towards the stairs. "You're taking the right."

"Got it," she agreed, turning to jog the opposite direction as she let her hands glow, ready for combat.

As she moved, Sadie sent blasts of blue light towards the assaillants on three levels below, and there was soon a clanging sound to her far left as she managed to take two of them out.

"Sadie, Cap's taken a fall," Sam said, through the comms. "Went right over the railing."

"What the hell?" Sadie said, peering over the bridge she stood on to find Steve laying unconscious four levels below her, and one below the fight. "Today is not good for him at all."

"Sadie, incoming!" Natasha shouted, and she ducked and rolled just in time to avoid three shots of purple light coming her way- this Chitauri technology was not a joke.

Standing quickly, Sadie let her blue light wrap around her legs, force fields for the impact as she leapt to Sam and Nat's level with a running start. The quicker she dealt with these threats, the quicker she could get to Steve.

"Can you do something with these?" Natasha shouted, tossing her two alien sidearms.

"I don't need it," Sadie said, throwing them back to her before she turned, letting her light extend from her hands as she visualised a blast ricocheting from one assailant to the other and soon it was done- faster than she expected.

"You couldn't have done that earlier?" Sam asked, marvelling at the eight unconscious men on the ground.

"We had a plan earlier, but that all went to hell," Sadie huffed, looking back to see if Steve had woken- no such luck.

"You go and wake him, we'll clean up," Natasha said, but Sadie was already halfway gone, not bothering to take the stairs as she used her power to cussion her landing once again.

"How far did he fall?" Sadie asked, over the comms as she checked Steve's breathing- that was okay, at least.

"More than ten feet," Sam answered and Sadie sighed, shaking her head.

"Onto rock hard ground too, God," she breathed, as she assessed for any damage to Steve's skull. Swelling and some blood- unsurprising but completely worrying too.

Sadie took a breath as she healed it, taking a moment to remember who she was treating- Steve wasn't the average man. The average man would have severe bruising after falling three feet. If they fell six feet they would have rib and pelvic fractures, along with internal bleeding. And if they fell more than ten feet, they would at least shatter their nervous system, but they were more likely to die on impact.

Because of the serum, Steve wasn't dead- he was breathing, and his pulse was strong, but it didn't stop Sadie from conducting a standard head to toe survey three times, just in case there was something she'd missed.

But there was nothing she'd missed- nothing to heal at all. Also because of the serum. But Sadie couldn't help her awful frustration- this would've been easier if there was something to heal, but instead, all she could do was use significant strength to roll him into recovery position so that he wouldn't choke on his own tongue.

"Steve," Sadie spoke, loud and clear as she grew impatient. He stirred only slightly. "I would appreciate it if you woke up. Even more if you didn't go into cardiac arrest cause I don't know where the nearest defib is and I can't mimic electricity. Or I guess I could- but I've never tried, so I won't, cause I would burn you, and-" she paused her rant, sighing as she pushed his hair out of his face. "Just wake up."

Moments, and moments, and moments passed by. Sam and Nat finished clean up and started recon. Sadie sat by Steve. They finished recon, and she told them there was nothing to worry about, so they went to retrieve the weapons. Sadie sat by Steve. They finished retrieving the weapons, and then went to get the Quinjet. Sadie sat by Steve.

Each minute she grew more and more fearful.

"Baby, come on," Sadie said, her voice shaky. "I can't lift you out of here in any way that's safe. And we can't call an ambulance, so please wake up. This is the stupidest way you could go."

And she meant it. If Sadie had only boosted his blood cell count as she healed him, this never would have happened. She should have pinned him down from the moment he said he was lightheaded.

Sadie really couldn't get the simplest thing right- maybe it was a good thing the medical counsel had suspended her license- probably revoked it by now.

"Might be a stupid way to go," Steve murmured, his voice shocking her out of her wits as he sat up slowly. "But you really shouldn't have such high expectations for my death."

"Oh, thank God," Sadie gasped, fumbling in her utility belt for her pen light. "Let me see your eyes."

"I'm fine," he answered, but she ignored him anyway, shining the light briefly into his blue eyes, watching his pupils contract equally.

"Okay, good," she muttered, digging around her belt again for the small percussion hammer. "Your arm, please? Reflexes."

Steve sighed but followed her instructions, rolling up his sleeve as far as he could, which was just enough for Sadie to tap above his elbow. Sure enough, Steve showed the correct reflex response, if a little exaggerated.

"You're hyper-reflexive," Sadie commented.

"I've always been that way," Steve chuckled. "Didn't you do a whole section on it in that case study?"

She had, but Sadie still wasn't so convinced- a fall like that was bound to have neurological repercussions, especially after he lost so much blood. The last thing she needed was for Steve to collapse again, or have a seizure, or even delayed amnesia-

"What's your full name?" she asked.

"Sadie!" Steve laughed, shaking his head. "Haven't I proved I remember enough?"

"Last I checked, Sadie was my name, and that's not what I asked," she insisted, unimpressed that he was still laughing at her. "You've only proved you know who I am, not who you are."

"That makes no sense," Steve chuckled, and she resisted the urge to yell at him right then.

"Of course, 'cause my methods don't match up with your extensive medical knowledge, Mr First Aid," she snapped, before repeating firmly: "What is your full name?"

"Steven Grant Rogers," he sighed, exasperatedly. "You know it, Sadie-"

"You know where you are?"

"Of course I do, I'm _fine-"_

"Do you know where you are?" she asked again, growing impatient.

"Alright- Wellington, New Zealand," he answered.

"And the year is?" Sadie asked, and Steve frowned at her as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

"It's 1945," he answered, plainly, and Sadie's stomach had never dropped further in her life. But then Steve was smiling wide at her, and she sighed with relief, clutching a hand to her chest. "I'm joking- it's 2018."

"You asshole, I'm not convinced," Sadie argued, although she was- but she couldn't end her assessment on such a mortifying note. "Who's the President?"

Steve grimaced at that. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay," Sadie said, it was her turn to smile now. "You're okay."

"Of course I'm okay," Steve said. "You didn't have to do all that. You healed me, didn't you? You should have more faith in yourself."

"I had to make sure," Sadie said, her eyes burning now. "You fell so far. And that would've been fine- how many times have I seen you fall and get right back up? But then you go and settle down for a nap after and scare me like that, and I- I hate you sometimes!"

Steve only looked at her fondly, then, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Sadie still felt an irritating annoyance, but she couldn't help but buckle slightly as he parted from their kiss.

"I love you," he said, more of a reminder than anything else. Sadie nodded

"I love you, too. But next time you listen to me," Sadie said, pushing back the water in her eyes. "I say sit out and you sit out, okay? You don't ignore me- too busy making stupid jokes, and getting distracted, and not taking care of yourself- you can't do that, Steve. I need you."

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling her to him. "I'm making jokes because I'm happy, sweetheart. Happier than I've been in a long time. Because I have you again. And maybe I was sloppy but it's only 'cause you make me feel invincible."

"Don't think you're off the hook just cause you got game," Sadie said, but she returned his embrace regardless.

"The mission is over, isn't it?" he asked, leaning back to look at her and she nodded with a sigh. "You carried the whole team today. Got our next location."

"Well, you were being sloppy. Someone had to make up for it," Sadie teased as they stood.

~

Travelling in a group was the hardest thing about it all, for Steve. He loved his friends, of course, but a moment alone with Sadie was rare lately. So he savoured every one with a certain contentment he found nowhere else.

Like tonight, as they flew away from Wellington, and their friends took the opportunity to get some sleep, and Sadie wanted to take the opportunity to practise piloting. And she needed a co-pilot, of course, so Steve was fast to volunteer.

But she seemed so deep in thought as they sat in the quiet, that he wondered what could be going through her mind. Steve didn't have to wonder for long though, and as she began to speak, he couldn't help but feel so lucky that he was the one she would confide in- for anything, even her late night thoughts. A pride came with that, that Steve couldn't shake off.

"I used to think I'd die young," Sadie said, and the moonlight bathed her in a blue glow. "At least in my mid-twenties. I just always had a feeling. Especially after Jamal went, and then even more after the war, and the fire. I thought I'd dodged it so much that it had to catch up to me."

"Don't pray for it," Steve warned, his pride making way for surprise. He hadn't expected her thoughts to be so melancholy. "It could still happen. You're still young."

He wasn't lying. It terrified him to his core, but it truly could happen. He was reminded of that fact every time he thought of Paris, and how one of the best nights of his life turned into one of his worst.

"Nineteen eighty-nine," Sadie said, bluntly. "Do the math."

 _"Nineteen eighteen,"_ Steve countered. "Trust me, you're young enough."

There was turbulence then, and Sadie sucked in a breath beside him, stiffened her hands around the controls. The jet shook quite rigorously, but Steve wasn't worried- it was a simple fix. Sadie didn't mirror his calmness.

"It won't steady," she said, her eyes wide.

"Relax," Steve reminded her, putting his hands over hers and easing the pressure on the controls. "You're pulling on the yoke too hard."

"But we want to pitch up," Sadie argued.

"We do, but only a little. If you press on the rudder it'll give you more stability," he said, glancing down at the pedal beneath her left foot as she pressed down on it. "A little more-"

"I'm not going to step on it, Steve," she chuckled, and he held his hands up.

"Just trying to help," he said.

"I know," Sadie smiled, staring straight through the clouds. "Thanks. I'd give you a kiss but I don't want to take my eyes off the sky!"

"Oh, really?" Steve decided to fix her dilemma himself by leaning over to kiss her cheek, then her jaw, then her neck.

"Stop it," Sadie laughed, shaking her head until he detached himself. "If you distract me, I'll crash this thing."

"I promise I'll step in if we start to nosedive," he assured her. "We'll be fine."

"You sure about that?" she said, playfully, glancing over at him as he frowned. "I'm just saying, we think we know what our fate is, but we could go at any moment."

"No, I know how I'll go," he said, as a thought occurred to him. "It'll be on my tombstone: Steven Grant Rogers- death by a thousand cuts."

"I think you've had more than a thousand cuts just in the time I've known you," Sadie scoffed.

"Hey, that's still a long time," he laughed. "You say it like that and I sound like a crazy man."

"You are a crazy man, you don't know when to stop," she said, bluntly, before adding. "But I love you for it."

God, how long had it been since he first heard her say those words? And still, his heart soared to hear it.

"Anyway, I think we'll last," Sadie continued. "We'll die old, and warm in our beds."

"Like Rose," he pointed out, remembering when Sadie had sent him away with a list of ten films to watch. That had been so long ago now, it was crazy to think almost three years.

"Like Rose!" She repeated, with excitement. "You did your homework!"

"I did," Steve smiled. "Which makes me question whether you want to use that movie in reference to us."

"I would let you on the raft," Sadie said, simply. "No way would I let you freeze like that."

"I'm not scared of a little cold," he pointed out. "You would get the raft and I'd find us a boat."

"What, swimming?" she laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thing on earth. "I guess you could, couldn't you?'

"I won't boast," Steve grinned. "But I could probably swim to the mainland from here."

His joke didn't seem to land, as Sadie frowned for a moment, peering down at the water below the jet. Big, black waves of it.

"Let's not talk about this while we fly over the Indian, huh?" she said, with a nervous laugh.

"What's gotten you in this mood?" Steve asked, curiously.

"What mood?"

"Dying young or old, fate, whether we'll 'last,'" he said. "You aren't usually so... Philosophical."

"What?" Sadie spluttered. "I'm an abstract thinker!"

"Hmm," Steve teased. "I think you're pretty black and white. If it can't be put on a graph or in a scientific journal, it isn't worth knowing."

"That is not true," Sadie argued, before hesitating for a moment. "Okay, it's kinda true."

"So, what is it?" he asked. "Is it flying?"

"I think it's everything," she shrugged, casually, but he could see a distance in her eyes.

Steve put his hand over hers on the yoke. Not to correct her, this time. Sadie looked over at him and smiled, but her smile was sad. Steve tried to tell himself not to worry- it was turbulence, and he'd step in before the nosedive. Always.

"Steve?" Sadie said, gently. She looked tired, as they all were, he supposed, but it was especially uncomfortable to see her that way.

"Yeah, angel?" Steve replied, waiting for her to ask whatever question lingered with her.

"You ever miss the city?" she asked him, her eyes soft.

"We're headed to a city," Steve smiled, nudging her gently. Then, in his best Spanish accent (which was to say, not as good as hers), he added: "Barcelona, baby!"

Sadie rolled her eyes in that fond way, chuckling gently and he was so glad to have made her laugh. She looked back at the sky ahead, and he could've sworn her dark eyes reflected the stars.

"Not Barcelona," Sadie said, eventually. "Our city, Steve. Home."

Steve sighed heavily, pausing for a moment. "I've been away from New York before. Lived in DC for months, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you were back and forth. Seeing the Avengers, making every excuse to see _me,"_ Sadie said, with a small smile. "Every time you left you knew you'd be back. Like I lived in Palo Alto for years at med school. But I never missed home 'cause I knew I'd be back for Thanksgiving, and for summer and- you know. For life."

"I know," Steve said, guilt twisting in him. They couldn't go home because of him.

"Ours is the city of all cities," Sadie said, quietly. "I miss the street food."

"I miss the coffee," Steve added.

"I miss the subway."

"I miss the stupid tourists."

"God, yeah- in Times Square?" Sadie grinned. "Looking all dazed like you did when Fury had to talk you down?"

"Shut up," Steve said, but he was glad to see her smiling.

"Do I sound psycho if I say I miss the sirens?" Sadie asked, curiously, and he barked out a laugh.

"Yes," Steve laughed, shaking his head. "Sirens are bad, they mean something bad is happening."

"I know, but like," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Sometimes in Hell's Kitchen, especially around my block as a kid, the police cars would just do random loops with their siren lights on. After dark. No noise, just blue, red, blue, red, blue, red."

"Why?"

"Make their presence known," Sadie shrugged. "Scare off anyone trying to deal on street corners. Savannah and I used to wait for the lights to come by, and we'd dance around for a few seconds like it was a disco. Then we'd wait for them to loop back again."

"That's adorable," Steve said. "You were inseparable, huh?"

"Yeah," Sadie smiled. "We passed the trend around the block, and it ended up as a pretty neat game. Oh, I miss that. I miss our city, Steve."

"So do I," Steve sighed. "New York is... it's different to when I was a kid. I think it's probably different to when you were a kid, too, it all changes so fast there. But it changed fast when I was growing up, too. Only place where change feels normal for me, only place it feels good."

Sadie nodded then, but she didn't interrupt him, or comment on his past, or his age like anybody else would. She just listened, and understood, and took his words to mean precisely what they did.

"We'll go back there," Steve said, firmly. "We will. We'll be back there before we know it, and we'll make a life, Sadie. A proper life."

"I know we will," Sadie smiled, squeezing his hand. "And I can't wait."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some action and some tender moments for you guys- hopefully they blend well enough! nil I'm pretty damn happy with this chapter!
> 
> now guys: unless something crazy happens and the characters tell me no like they have several times before, I plan for the next chapter to lead us nicely into infinity war. it's actually crazy to think that, because I feel like I was just writing tws and aou and now we're at infinity war? which is like also one of the fastest paced movies ever, especially when you take out all the space scenes which don't relate to this pic.
> 
> but yeah I can't believe I've been so consistent! hopefully it continues that way. Thanks for sticking with the story, folks!
> 
> let me know your thoughts?
> 
> -Amber.


	49. War Call

The missions were done.

Steve wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

There was no more work to be done in tracing down the root of the black arms dealers to Spain. Now that he and Sadie along with Sam and Natasha had practically razed the factory to the ground, Steve had few doubts the threats would pop up again. Although, he’d thought it was all over after Jersey, and it wasn’t.

But Jersey was so far away, figuratively and literally. So far from the sandy beaches of Barcelona, the glorious heat of it all and the sense of accomplishment the team felt.

As they should, of course- this was a time for celebration. But Steve still felt uneasy. What would they do now, when Sadie had made it so clear that she didn’t want to stop moving? He had spent most of their time apart dreaming that once he had her again, Steve could stop running. Find a safe house, be home with her…

He couldn’t blame Sadie for wanting stability before they took that plunge, though. This was one of the few cases she was far more responsible than he was. Regardless, he wished things were different.

“Only you could look so miserable on the beach,” Sadie’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts as she stood above him, her hands on her hips. “You won’t come in the water?”

“I want to soak up the sun before it sets,” Steve lied. Well, half-lied. The sun was getting quite low. “You can go swim, though.”

“Nah, I wanna sit with you,” she grinned, settling herself down on the sand beside him, and kissing his cheek.

Steve found himself leaning into Sadie’s touch, as always, but she was already laying on her back, propped up on her elbows. She looked more relaxed than he’d seen her since Vegas, even if she had soaked one of his shirts with seawater, as opposed to buying one of the ‘unflattering’ swimsuits at the gift shop.

Steve tried not to cringe as he noticed the sand sticking to the material- they mostly washed their clothes by hand on the road, and something told him it would take a while to get the sand out.

This life of theirs certainly wasn’t glamorous, and it certainly wasn’t what Sadie deserved, or what he wanted to give her. But Steve was selfishly happy to be by her side.

“Did you know most of the beaches in Barcelona are man-made?” Sadie asked, peering at him through her sunglasses. “Even this one.”

“Really?” Steve asked, running his hand through the sand. “So all of this was imported?”

“Yup,” she nodded, the smile on her face contagious, as it always was when she had knowledge to share. “I learned that from National Geographic.”

“I wonder where they get all the sand from,” he mused, curiously, and Sadie’s face fell.

“They left that part out,” Sadie pouted, making him laugh. “My guess is either the desert or other beaches. But desert sand is different. So probably another beach.”

“That doesn’t sound like a great solution,” Steve said, leaning back to mirror her lounging posture. “Beaches are there for a reason, they protect the land from the ocean. Without them, the land will wear away.”

“They probably only take a portion,” Sadie hummed. Steve found that hard to believe— humanity could be greedy.

“Even half is a problem,” he shrugged. “You need a united front. If portions of the defence are missing, the ocean wins.”

“It’s not a battle,” she reminded him, softly.

Sadie Moore had a certain way of looking at people, that made them feel like they were under her microscope. Not under scrutiny, there was no judgement in her eyes. It was just that she could see every little part of a person.

Or perhaps Steve only felt that way because she knew him so well. He let his eyes close, the sun still bright behind his eyelids as he pulled her close.

“Where d’you want to go next?” he asked, keeping his voice positive. They weren’t displaced, he reminded himself. They were free.

“Where do the others want to go?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve said, honestly. “Nat picked Tennessee. Sam picked Vegas. It’s your turn now.”

“Didn’t you want to visit Bucky?” Sadie asked, and Steve raised his eyebrows, slightly surprised.

“It’s your turn, I’ll wait mine,” he repeated, simply. “We’ll go where you want to go, not where I want to go.”

“What if I want to go where you want to go?” she asked, leaning into him. “You’re always saying he’s like a brother to you, and well… you know my family.”

“Every time I meet your sister it’s because something’s gone wrong,” Steve reminded her, with a laugh.

“And everytime I’ve met Bucky, it’s been in the middle of a fight,” Sadie said, with a raised eyebrow. “So I guess we’re even.”

“You sure you don’t have anywhere on the bucket list?”

“We have plenty of time, don’t we?” she shrugged, casually, but he could tell she was doing it for him. “Plus Wakanda seemed pretty cool in your letter.”

“You’ll love it there,” Steve smiled, his heart warming.

He was about to kiss her then, but he was interrupted by a buzzing the back pocket of his shorts- his burner phone. But who was calling? Sadie seemed just as curious as she gestured for him to answer, so he opened up the flip phone to see who was on the phone.

Steve’s stomach lurched to see the name. _Tony Stark._

“Who is it?” Sadie asked him, but Steve only showed her the screen, and watched her eyebrows raise. “Are you going to answer?”

“I don’t…”

What was he supposed to say? He didn’t know that Tony had accepted his apology- the phone call could set them all up for capture, Sadie included. But if Steve ignored the call, and Tony truly needed him, then their chances of rebuilding a friendship were slim to none.

He didn’t notice it was on the last ring until Sadie took the phone and answered just in time.

“Hello, Tony?” she spoke cheerfully, but her expression was just as strained as his. “How are-“

Without thinking, Steve grabbed the phone from Sadie’s hand and hung up, his heart racing, and his mind coming up with every worst case scenario.

“Stay quiet,” he said, firmly. “They don’t know you’re with me, you’ll incriminate yourself.”

“It’s a little late for that. And it didn’t look like you were going to answer yourself,” Sadie said, as she shook out her wrist. Before he could apologise, she spoke up again, reading his thought. "You didn't hurt me, don't worry. You know I can take rougher than that."

Steve shook his head, but her smile was contagious, until the device rang again. Somehow it sounded even louder in his ears. 

Regardless of his paranoia, Steve pulled himself together and answered, but he didn’t give the standard greeting, just in case.

There was a long moment of silence before the person on the other end of the line spoke. When he did, Steve didn’t know whether to relax or panic more. He put it on loudspeaker before Sadie could ask and give herself away again.

“Uh, hello?” the familiar voice asked. “Not Tony, sorry. I’m looking for Cap?”

“Banner,” Steve said, with surprise. “Long time.”

“Oh, Cap! Good, I got you,” Bruce sighed, with some relief. “I was worried for a second. Who answered the first time?”

“You must’ve called the wrong number,” Steve said, simply. “It’s just me.”

He could feel Sadie’s disapproval, but to his relief, she didn’t ruin their cover. If she was upset, he’d apologise, but he would do the same again if it kept her safe. It wasn’t that Steve distrusted Bruce; quite the opposite.

But some things he just couldn’t risk.

“There’s only one number in this phone,” Bruce said, and Steve glanced to where Sadie sat beside him.

 _“Tell him it’s me,”_ she was mouthing, waving her hands in frustration.

“What do you need?” Steve asked Bruce, before covering the mic and whispering back to her: _“Not yet.”_

“We’ve got a threat on the way. Massive threat on the way,” Bruce answered— the call was grainy, but the panic in his voice cut through just fine. “I don’t know what happened between you and Tony, and I don’t care for details. As long as you and the others get back to New York ASAP. And bring Vision.”

Any reservations Steve may have had were set aside in an instant. He didn’t have to wonder about motives any more, they were perfectly clear, now.

This was a war call.

“What can you tell me?” Steve asked, all too aware of the implications of phone calls, even on burners.

“All of it,” Bruce said. “I’ve been away- it’s a long story but all you need to know is that when it happened I was with Thor, and the Asgardian refugees.”

That last part sounded like an oxymoron, but Steve didn’t interrupt, and neither did Sadie. She didn’t seem so eager to converse as Bruce told his tale, and he couldn’t blame her.

This Titan- Thanos- wanted to wipe out half the population. Steve couldn’t let that happen.

“Heimdall got me out of there,” Bruce finished. “He brought me to New York and- this sounds crazy, but there was a wizard Tony and I met. He helped fight off Thanos’ goons, his name was strange.”

“What was it?” Steve asked, obliviously.

“It was literally Strange. Doctor Stephen Strange.”

“We know him,” Sadie piped up then, and he didn’t bother to argue with her. Steve wouldn’t stop her getting the answers he’d been unable to provide. “What was he like- blue eyes, dark hair, scarred hands?”

“He matched that description, yes,” Bruce said, confusion in his voice.

“That’s Doctor Moore,” Steve said, by way of explanation. Bruce had missed a lot, and there wasn’t time to fill him in on their personal lives. “Where are Tony and Strange now?”

“Missing,” Bruce explained. “And Thor can’t have survived. We’re the only ones who can fight this.”

The biggest threat of their lives, and the team was split. That could have been prevented. Now the planet was just as vulnerable as a beach with half the sand.

For a moment, Steve couldn’t pull his thoughts away from Thor. His mind went bizarrely to a conversation from years ago, when the Asgardian had joked that he’d hate nothing more than a ‘mundane death.’ Thor Odinson had promised that when he went, he’d go as a warrior.

Steve had never known him to break his word.

And at the time, he had been inclined to agree with the god. But things had changed for Steve since then, and now a warrior’s death never looked as glorious as it had. Looking at Sadie, he was certain he’d choose the mundane. Glory wasn’t worth leaving her.

“You’ve tried every way of tracking Tony down?” Steve asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts.

“I’ll keep working on it,” Bruce said, and Steve glanced over to Sadie. He hadn’t noticed her stand, but she was pacing almost a meter away. “Hopefully by the time you guys are back, I’ll have some answers. But remember, Thanos’ people will be looking for Vision too.”

“We’re on our way,” Steve said, shaking off sand as he stood. Sam and Nat were still swimming in the distance, blissfully unaware, and he was going to have to ruin it. “See if you can track Strange, too.”

“I’ll try, don’t worry about it,” Bruce said, hastily. “Just hurry. The universe depends on it.”

~

 _Stephen is not a wizard,_ Sadie thought to herself, for the millionth time that day.

She knew she needed to focus, but it was hard to keep her friend out of her mind after Bruce’s story. The small piece of news she’d heard was a blessing and a curse. She had begun to assume the worse after Stephen disappeared east, and… well, perhaps she could believe it.

Perhaps the surgeon had taken up new hobbies after losing surgery, but this sounded like more than that, especially if he was fighting off aliens alongside Iron Man.

The Stephen Strange she knew, and the one Bruce encountered simply couldn’t be the same man, and yet all the evidence pointed towards the impossible.

She glanced over to where Steve sat with Natasha in the cockpit, as the jet flew over Edinburgh. As always, he seemed to have no trouble focusing before a fight, his expression a mask of professionalism ever since he’d hung up the phone.

Good. Focus would keep him safe. If only she could find some of her own.

Sadie shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. _Stephen is not a wizard._

“That your new mantra?” Sam said, as he sat beside her on the bench. She passed him a water bottle out of habit.

“Sorry- thinking out loud,” Sadie sighed, nodding toward the liquid. “Drink. We might not get another chance.”

"Your friend went to Nepal, right?” Sam asked, cracking open the bottle with ease before he drank. “Maybe he transformed. Eat, Pray, Love, or whatever."

"Or maybe it's a different guy," she suggested.

"And how many Doctor Strange’s d’you think are lying around?" Sam chuckled, and she couldn’t help but laugh with him.

"It's good to know he's alive at least,” Sadie nodded. “Hopefully that can be confirmed once this is all over.”

“‘Course it will,” he shrugged. “But if you wanna stay alive, you got to get everything else off your mind except this mission. They killed Thor, they could kill any of us.”

“We have the element of surprise,” Nat said, from across the jet. “He didn’t have that. They sneaked up when he was practically unarmed.”

It wasn’t hard to hear the venom in Natasha’s voice, and Sadie didn’t fail to notice how Steve stiffened at the topic of conversation. She and Sam had hardly known Thor, but those two knew him as well as anyone on earth did.

Yet Natasha traded grief for anger, and Steve… He locked it away. Sadie had watched him do it, as he heard news of the god’s death. Still, she couldn’t judge him for it. At this time, they had to compartmentalise.

Focus.

“Landing near the station,” Steve announced. “Think we’ve found our threat.”

It wasn’t hard to spot, Sadie didn’t even have to stand to see it. The Scarlet Witch and the Vision being shot out of the sky, and falling right through glass.

~

Two versus four. The odds were in their favour.

Sadie couldn’t tell who these aliens were, only that they were tall, and strong, and armed to the teeth.

There was hardly any time for a plan, but thankfully it never took much for Steve to come up with a foolproof one. The team had been dancing to this tune for long enough at that point, that their work was seamless.

Which was the reason why, when Sam dropped her onto the ground, Sadie no longer needed to roll, instead she was able to charge straight at her male opponent, as Sam sent the warrior woman flying into the glass kiosk meters away.

The alien bared his teeth at her as she disoriented him with combative blasts of her light before Natasha cut him down across his calves. Sadie didn’t hesitate to knock him down then, channelling light into her quads as she round-kicked him to his knees, and Natasha impaled him with an alien spear that seemed to have come from nowhere.

_CLANG._

Sadie didn’t anticipate another attack until impact threw her forward- by the time she looked back Steve was already holding off the woman Sam had previously dealt with. Without thinking twice, Sadie sent a shot of light between them, but the alien quickly recovered, and soon the two of them along with Natasha were charged with fighting her off at once.

The woman was fast, but certainly nothing they couldn’t handle, until Sam finally ended it by knocking her back, as she crawled to her wounded comrade’s side, urging him to get up.

Sadie glanced at her watch as she panted, heart racing. The whole thing had taken little less than a minute- it had to be a record, she thought, but they could celebrate later.

“We don’t wanna kill you,” Natasha said, coolly. “But we will.”

Sadie couldn’t blame her. For all Bruce had told them Thanos’ ‘children’ had done, she truly didn’t think it would be a loss for the universe. Regardless, she wondered if having some prisoners might prove useful.

“You’ll never get the chance again,” the warrior spat, before pressing a panel on her metal uniform, and a beam of light carried the aliens away like a vacuum.

Sadie could only stare in astonishment as the spear in Steve’s hand escaped his grip, and the light disappeared to reveal a huge alien ship above them. She felt an aggressive chill run down her spine- this was 2012 all over again.

Except this time, she had no hospital to take shelter in as she did her job. Because this was her job, now.

The frontline.

“Can you help him?” Wanda’s voice sounded, as the quartet approached where she and Vision crouched beside the railing. It took a moment for Sadie to realise the woman was addressing her.

“I can try,” Sadie said, as she crouched beside them, letting her hands glow. She had to put her hesitancy to heal aside- these were times in which a person had to do all they can.

But still, her light had no effect on Vision’s wound, no matter how hard she tried to imagine the polymers and code rewiring. Her mimicry relied on visualisation and understanding. And as much as it pained her, Sadie couldn’t visualise what she couldn’t understand.

“I’m sorry,” Sadie said to Vision, sitting back on her heels as her hands dimmed. “This isn’t my area of expertise.”

“It’s alright, Doctor Moore,” Vision answered. “The probability you would be able to fix this was slim to none. You did your best.”

Sadie tried hard not to take his words for more than what they were.

“Can you stand?” Sam asked, before he and Wanda helped the android to his feet.

Her medical knowledge was screaming at her not to let them move him, but her reason understood why moving was vital now, so Sadie settled on biting her tongue as Vision thanked Steve.

The end of this mission felt no different to any other- physically. But it was clear to everyone as they reached the jet, that things were changing, and drastically.

This was war- and for Sadie, it was her first real war on the fighting side. In Afghanistan, she’d been able to rely on the red cross, and the laws of warfare to keep her safe from attack.

But now she was a soldier, and their opponents were more than capable of war crimes. Sadie was never more aware of her own inexperience than that moment. But she set her worry aside. It didn’t matter.

She just needed to focus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! long time no see! I'm really sorry I've been so slow to update, I've been dealing with major writer's block and every time I try to write this chapter I'm never happy with how it turned out. This is probably the best version though, even though it still feels a little repetitive but hopefully you enjoyed it nonetheless! 
> 
> This is really just the intro to Infinity War but I wanted to get in some action too because it felt a little redundant to have everyone standing around talking about it all, and the train station scene was perfect for that. I didn't change the outcome of it too much, but Sadie will definitely have more influence on events and experiences that are different to the group going forward so it doesn't feel like you're just reading a long version of the movie, haha! That said, certain things just have to happen the way they do.
> 
> Hopefully you're all looking after yourselves amid the current pandemic and international quarantine, just remember there will be an end to this. I know for some of us it's really hard, especially financially, or when you're stuck in a toxic environment, but we're strong and we can get through this.
> 
> Please comment your thoughts!  
> -Amber.


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